Long-term happy relationships are the dream of all girls and men. But what to do if the union has reached a dead end, and people who strived for a joint future have turned into a source of stress? If you make a mistake and cannot find the strength to leave a destructive union before moving on to the next stage of the relationship, you risk losing invaluable time with a stranger. Fear of change can be paralyzing. It can be difficult to force yourself to believe in the inevitable end and admit to yourself that you are dissatisfied with the current state of affairs. By what signs can you understand for yourself that you are tired, everything is destroyed and there is no point in saving the union?
Reasons why you should definitely end your relationship
It also happens that you haven’t thought about breaking up, but the behavior of your loved one makes you feel bad. What features of your disposition indicate the need for a speedy end to the relationship?
- You love and want to be close, but you feel that this does not bring joy to both. Instead of reciprocity, your partner pulls away, you notice more and more coldness, and the desire to talk is perceived as intrusiveness. It is possible that your partner is experiencing the feelings described above. Love is gone, come to terms with the impending ending.
- Unreasonable jealousy. You feel good and interested, but one of your partners is constantly interrogating you, checking your phone, or arranging surveillance. If there is no trust in a relationship, it is better to end it and find a truly close person, to whom you will not need to make excuses for non-existent offenses.
- Lack of respect . When a person does not perceive your desires, ignores your preferences and does not strive to understand, and you have not been able to get through for a long time, let him go. Further efforts will not bring the desired result, and the time spent will turn into a very painful memory.
- You feel that the person next to you is not making an effort. This is a complex criterion that is individual for each relationship. But when a partner does not strive for a common future, it is difficult for him to change anything in his life for your sake, then it is worth thinking about whether it is necessary to continue and how such a relationship could turn out?
- Assault and betrayal. A reason that needs no further explanation. If this happened once, and the partner sincerely repented of his action, there is a small chance to resolve the situation. But systematic repetition is the path to self-destruction. Leave immediately.
Signs that a relationship has reached a dead end
Devastation, boredom, irritation and alienation come after love. Violence, even in the presence of feelings and affection, is a death sentence for a relationship. This includes psychological manipulation and infliction of physical pain. The relationship has irrevocably ended if there is:
- Unreasonable jealousy. Interrogations, surveillance, checking messages indicate disrespect or betrayal on the part of the tormentor himself. Jealousy is a consequence of deep complexes. If the jealous person does not agree to change, then you should not expect intimacy and trust from such a relationship.
- Reluctance to try. It is difficult for a partner to change or compromise on anything.
- Disinterest. The beloved is not interested in the desires, preferences, thoughts, and problems of his other half. Time spent with a passive person will become a painful memory.
- Cold. The loved one considers caring to be an intrusiveness and remains cold and indifferent.
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What to do when a breakup doesn't bring relief
Even when a relationship has been a burden for a long time, and you have made the only right decision - to leave, a feeling of relief does not always immediately come. It’s not at all uncommon for the opposite to happen: you regret what you did and begin to want to take it all back. Here's why this happens:
- fear of loneliness;
- an established habit and attachment to a former partner;
- fear of looking for new relationships;
- condemnation from significant others.
How to deal with this situation and survive the break with dignity? First, have a conversation with yourself: remember why you decided to break up, what didn’t suit you about your partner, how you felt in an unhappy union. You can throw out on paper everything negative that pushed you to the final decision.
10 signs that it's definitely time for you to break up
For some time, you may wonder: Did I do everything possible to save the union? Even if you don't find a definitive answer, remember that everything takes time. Events that will happen in your life will gradually displace thoughts of a breakup. Talk through everything you are unsure about with your friends or psychologist. They will help you let go of the past and dot the i’s. Then, one day, you will realize that you have become absolutely free.
List of signs of a temporary crisis
Some problems are temporary, they require a shake-up and effort. Sometimes the struggle drags on and leads to depression and hopelessness. The crisis becomes the end of communication. It is important to grasp this trait so as not to trade life for survival. When a relationship has outlived its usefulness and it’s time to leave, you will understand by the following signs:
- Hysterics and quarrels start instead of discussions. Happy couples quarrel, but without self-assertion or insults. Uncontrollable regular arguments that do not solve the problem are an indicator of an unhealthy relationship.
- There is no desire to intercede. The other half is insulted by acquaintances, but there is no desire to protect. Silent consent, ignoring ridicule of a partner and the relationship is passive aggression towards him.
- Boredom. After the passion subsides, it is necessary to create a connection based on common interests. They are not always obvious. It's worth looking deeper. You can get carried away by something new at the same time.
- There are no plans for a future together. Couples in love plan, discuss, dream in detail. When these images are depressing, boring, new dreams appear without the desire to dedicate your loved one to them - these are signs of distance.
- There is no desire to improve. A connection that has ceased to inspire and inspire ends in degradation and pain.
- The chosen one causes irritation. Imperfections that amused, touched, and added charisma now cause irritation and disgust. Rage arises from harmless everyday habits. Disgust is balanced by pity and condescension. Playing with stoicism and self-assertion is bad ground for a couple. Sometimes a cold partner blames himself for irritability. A vicious circle will lead to emotional exhaustion.
- The couple avoids spending time together. They come up with excuses not to see each other. Anything seems more interesting: extra work, aimless walks. Leisure without a once loved one brings relief. The situation is complicated by lies and betrayals.
- Coldness in bed. A decrease in sexual activity is acceptable for established couples. If intimacy is painful or avoided, then it’s time to sound the alarm.
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Psychology of past love
Heightened senses
- Live alone for a while
Psychologists say this step will help you answer the question of whether the feelings have passed. Time will tell how long the check will take.
- Remember all the pleasant moments you once experienced together!
Try to repeat them (to the smallest detail). By reliving moments from your past together, you will understand whether you have a wonderful, bright future.
- Spend a few days in the company of your devoted admirer
Let him look after you. If you like the attention of a man who is in love with you, then the love for your “other half” has undoubtedly passed.
- Watch yourself
Confess your love to your boyfriend (spouse). Does your heart flutter and burst out of your chest during a confession? Love remains inside you and is not going anywhere anytime soon. Take care of your feelings. Don't let anyone destroy them!
- Talk to a person for several hours without interruption
If you notice that you are mostly talking about yourself, then you are no longer experiencing any love.
- Review all the gifts that the young man gave you
Without difficulty and regret, can you part with them, throw them away, re-gift them? You no longer have any feelings towards this man.
- Go on a romantic trip
If you feel pulled to the left, then it’s time to think about breaking up the relationship.
Desire to be alone
The desire to be alone arises when interest in a person disappears. This phenomenon is accompanied by indifference to the individual, lack of feelings of compassion and care. You are mentally burdened by this man or this woman, and it is much easier for you to organize your evening of popcorn and watching a TV series alone.
The difference between love and habit
Many couples after a long relationship may not distinguish the difference between love and habit. Love is the highest spiritual feeling that is present in the heart under any circumstances. A person experiencing it is a victim, ready to do anything to preserve the family and achieve harmony.
Habit is a feeling formed on everyday comfort and convenience. Many couples can build families without having deep feelings for their partner. They rely only on personal comfort within the relationship, which allows them to see their soulmate next to them every day. Habit is opposed not to love, but to passion. A person who only experiences the habit of his significant other will want to receive in return more than he gives. In love, everything happens the other way around.
Habit, unlike love, is considered a weak feeling that is not supported by passion and desire. After a breakup, it is much easier to break a habit than to force your heart to stop loving.
You are not planning a future with your partner
People are always planning something. This is a working day, a week, weekend fun, a trip to the sea in the summer. Such phenomena are natural for a happy union. But if you don’t see a future together, then the interest and desire to develop the relationship has faded. This happens for various reasons:
- frequent quarrels;
- desire to leave the person;
- lack of interest;
- mistrust.
And whatever the circumstances of your situation, an unwillingness to plan for the future is a sharply negative indicator for any couple.
You often quarrel
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Frequent quarrels are also characteristic of a union that is “living out” its last months, or even days. In a normal pace of life, no one wants to have conflicts with a dear and loved one. But when the feelings have disappeared, and only attachment remains, we begin to notice bad personality traits. They suddenly become obvious, we often exaggerate them. It’s easy to quarrel in such a situation even over a trifle. There are people for whom minor adjustments are only beneficial. But these adjustments are not serious, and only tone up the marriage. And if you regularly quarrel for the same reason, or make huge scandals over small things, don’t torture each other.
Here it is worth distinguishing between a crisis and a rupture.
During times of crisis, which all couples experience at some point, the desire to be alone in silence is completely normal. It has already been proven that this always benefits both parties. Psychologists even advise some couples to take breaks and devote time to themselves. These pauses should be kept short so that people have time to get bored.
If the union has come to an end, then you will look forward to the moment when he or she leaves for work, goes to meet friends, etc. Is the time when you don't see each other for several hours or days enjoyable? This is a clear sign of the end.
Avoiding responsibility for mistakes in relationships
Another tip on how to know when a relationship is over is to monitor your behavior during conflicts based on mistakes. Any quarrel arises because someone claims that the other side is wrong. Divergence of interests in everyday life often occurs due to a discrepancy between reality and assigned interests. If a person admits his mistake in some situation, it means he really values you and wants to smooth out the conflict. If he twists his obvious guilt and tries to shift it onto someone else, this indicates an unwillingness to solve problems together.
No support
Any healthy relationship needs support. This is an axiom that does not require proof. Problems at work, the boss is a jerk, the grandmother who stepped on her foot in the minibus - these are all the little things that depress you. But regardless of the complexity and significance of the situation, everyone wants to be heard and understood. Almost always, people look for a response of support and understanding in their partners. If they don't find it, this is one of the most negative things for a relationship. In other words, the person no longer feels compassion for you and does not want to care.
Bottom line: Has the relationship run its course?
Breaking up is hard. But it’s harder to live in shackles when the resulting impasse in the relationship has become obvious. Take a fresh look at your feelings - do they exist at all? If they exist and they are mutual, the couple will overcome any difficulties. However, if you see that the relationship has reached a dead end and has been weighing you down for months, then you should definitely think about the need to continue such a relationship.
What to do if the relationship has reached a dead end and the answers to the 8 above questions confirm this? Realize the main thing: as long as you torment yourself and your partner with such “relationships,” you will make things worse for everyone. It's not easy, but sometimes it's better to thank the person for the experience and move on without him.
Ways to help save relationships
The only reason to save them is the presence of desire. You shouldn’t desperately hold on to the past just for show. If a person causes unbearable negative feelings, efforts will become torment for him. For the partner too, because he will feel the pretense. When there is something to save, experts recommend:
- Write a list of the qualities of your chosen one, the best moments from the beginning of your acquaintance.
- Formulate a goal. Fear of loneliness is a bad motivation. If a person is not of interest, it is better to find a real soul mate.
- More live communication with your chosen one, minimum time on gadgets.
- A break. A few days without a partner, relaxation, immersion in your personal world will help you gain strength and get bored.
- Morning coffee and other small acts of affection strengthen the bond.
- Sexual experiments. New sensations and excitement will provoke a surge of interest and dopamine.
- Let go of the past. A necessary condition: both partners agree with their share of the blame for the problems and forgive each other.
- Adoption. The core of a person, the basis of his character cannot be changed. The relationship will only become more complicated.
- Collaborative work. Calm, respectful discussion, equal dialogue is the first condition for positive change. Gradually the painful knots of misunderstanding will be untied.
