0 3518 June 21, 2022 at 5:38 pm Author of the publication: Tatyana Kuzmina
How do you understand that you have stopped loving a person? It is difficult to determine how you feel when the warmth has evaporated somewhere from a relationship. Scientists have long determined the coordinates of love in the brain. If you need physical evidence that you have fallen out of love, you can use a specialized MRI to check whether there is increased activity in the midbrain area. Strong excitability of neurons in one or another area of the brain is only a consequence of our unconscious desires. And to accurately identify them, there is a tool that looks deeper into the gray matter - directly into the soul.
The main reasons why love dies
There are several reasons that can kill a feeling. It's rare for couples to break up over just one thing, although it does happen. Even if the union has already collapsed, it is worth analyzing the situation. This will help you avoid making mistakes in the future.
Monotony and life
Monotony and everyday life come first, since many couples lead approximately the same lifestyle - work, housekeeping, financial problems, minor intra-family troubles. Sooner or later, this begins to become very tiring, partners are looking for new emotions outside of the relationship - someone starts an affair on the side, someone prefers to immerse themselves in work, hobbies, and friendly communication.
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Monotony cannot kill love if everything else is fine, it simply dulls feelings, creates an illusion and modifies a person’s mental state. It is not recommended to break up because of routine in everyday life - then a woman may regret it.
Lack of romance
If there is a feeling that all the romance has disappeared, then perhaps the girl has stopped loving the man. You need to pay attention to some nuances. When a feeling of uselessness or disinterest in a partner arises, you should look at how he behaves in everyday life.
Many young people simply do not think that their lovers have a need for romantic exploits on their part. Psychological comfort, mutual respect, and care shown in small things are important to them. If a guy declares his love, gives in, tries to please, but does not make any pleasant surprises, then you should not ruin the union.
It is recommended to talk with your partner and explain to him that passion in a relationship needs to be supported with something new, and to bring nice variety into your everyday life.
Love for my husband has passed: VIDEO advice from a psychologist!
What to do if you have lost feelings for your husband? In this situation, psychologists offer only two options for the development of events:
- Stay and try to revive faded feelings.
- Get a divorce.
What decision a woman makes depends on the specific situation. This can be influenced by many factors, including marital history, the presence of children and other limiting reasons. When you are not sure, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists:
- Change your surroundings - go on vacation to the sea coast or a country you have long wanted to visit, relax in nature, or buy a ticket to a sanatorium. Spending time together in an unusual environment will give feelings another chance.
- Develop yourself. Find a new hobby or develop your new look.
- Live separately. The absence of a spouse nearby will give you the opportunity to understand whether it is bad or good without your spouse. Moreover, this applies not only to financial issues, but also to raising children.
Changes in a man's behavior
Another reason that makes women think about the authenticity of their emotions is changes in a man’s behavior. We can say that this is a very good sign when a girl gradually abandons her partner if she is in love with him. Many are unable to leave, even when they are shouted at, beaten, or manipulated. A person who behaves this way needs to be left and walked away from.
If the changes are not so critical, but still do not suit the girl, she is unable to accept them, she needs to decide what to do. The first option is to accept your beloved, come to terms with his personal deformation, and the second is not to torture yourself or him by ending this relationship.
Excessive jealousy
Jealousy can manifest itself on both sides: if a girl is worried about a guy’s behavior, then after some time she will get tired of this emotional swing, and she will doubt her own love for him. However, most often the opposite happens - a man drives his partner away with his mistrust and psychological pressure.
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If talking doesn’t help, a man starts scandals, hysterics, and can’t control himself, then the woman begins to understand that she doesn’t want such a relationship - it should be stopped. It is unlikely that it will be possible to change the young man if he does not wish to do so.
Unwillingness to compromise
Stubbornness can break even the strongest love feelings. If a partner neglects the desires of his other half, ignores her needs, then this is a one-sided relationship from which it is necessary to leave. Without reciprocity there will be no happiness, and it will not be possible to retrain a man to behave differently - this will lead to a scandal. First you need to calmly discuss the problem, and then think about a future together.
New feelings
Girls often cannot understand their feelings when a new person appears in their lives. You should give yourself time to understand. If a second young man has appeared in your life, it is impossible to give unambiguous advice, even in general terms. You should listen to yourself, try to record your own thoughts, analyze them. There is a possibility that by thinking about the other guy, the girl compensates for the lack of romance in this union, especially if the couple has been together for a long time.
Usually, a new love completely displaces the old one: your head is filled with something completely different, you don’t want to go home, you have no desire to interact with your other half. It is recommended to give yourself at least a month to figure it out, not to rush things and not to rush things.
Insults and assault
Love disappears if the partner humiliates the girl, hits, screams, mocks her. This is a case when you shouldn’t think about leaving - a woman should run away if she is terrorized, intimidated, and constantly belittled at home.
You should not try to renew such relationships - this is fraught with the return of the same problems that existed before, even when the young man vows to change, to start behaving differently.
Reluctance to have children
In adult couples, the reason for separation may be the reluctance of one of the partners to have children. This applies to both sexes. If a couple doesn’t have the same plans for life, it’s better to break up. All the same, these people will not be happy together, since compromise in such situations is impossible.
It is recommended to talk, discuss the topic, and only then make a decision about separation. If a man wants to have children, but later, then perhaps it would be worth listening to him.
Gambling and bad habits
Gambling addictions and bad habits are so exhausting for some girls that over time they become disillusioned with their crush. Fighting a man’s hobbies tires, feelings, romance, and trust in each other die. In such a difficult situation, it is important to try to help the person, but if he rejects this help, then you should leave.
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Friends are more important than relationships
There are couples in which a man quarrels with his other half because he has constant friends. Often a girl doesn’t like her friends, and she tries to minimize contact with them.
It’s important to understand here that a guy can communicate with whoever he wants, these are his personal boundaries that you shouldn’t interfere with. If such friendship completely replaces relationships, then there is no point in them. Situations like this help you understand yourself and understand that there are no feelings anymore. Initially, it is worth talking about the problem and only then drawing conclusions from the conversation.
To love/to fall out of love - terminological reference
He knew that for him all the girls in the world are divided into two types: one type is all the girls in the world except her, and these have all human weaknesses, and the girls are very ordinary; another type - she is alone, without any weaknesses and above everything human.
L. N. Tolstoy “Anna Karenina”
Love is often talked about as something external, unpredictable, like the weather. Will you ever get a chance to truly love? Is the couple facing a gradual cold snap? Or a sudden ice age? Or a sluggish thaw for years? Can we ourselves influence the temperature of our feelings?
To understand that something has ended, you need to decide what it was. And what do you really want? At the beginning of a relationship, you are overwhelmed by a warm wave of energy, a surge of strength, and an impulse to act in order to achieve reciprocity and consolidate it. Run, fly, do to please your loved one, become a reason for his smile, the reason for his happiness!
What flowers does she like? Would he prefer a movie or a concert? I won’t call early - he’s a night owl. I wanted to go to the mountains, but we’ll go to the sea - if only her eyes would shine!
Cherry strudel or cottage cheese casserole, an evening in a noisy company or a tete-a-tete walk under the stars, old work or a new personal project - every small and large choice is now automatically consistent with the interests of your other half. You try to guess and accurately hit the desires of your loved one, you want to become his personal genie. Be worthy of his/her choice. To kiss your beloved creature again and again.
If you are drawn to a person with an irresistible force, then there are no arguments with your own ego: “Why should I give in?! What about my desires?!” Your “wants” are not left deprived for two reasons:
- if the feelings are mutual, both start a program of “total happiness” for the other, both strive to give each other warmth, which means there are no losers;
- By pleasing a partner to whom there is a natural attraction, we are guaranteed to receive our own joy: a man - a desired woman, a woman - a feeling of safety and security next to her beloved man.
The basic definitions for relationships are extremely simple: to love is to make another happy, then to fall out of love is to feel that you can no longer give a person what fills him.
Two are like one soul, otherwise why?
When concepts are confused, guidelines shift, and dissatisfaction arises in relationships and in life in general.
How to break up with a man if you can’t get your feelings back
It is advisable to break up with a man calmly, without scandals, choosing the right time and environment. There are three important points to pay attention to:
- The guy should be ready to talk and be in a neutral mood.
- It’s better to start a conversation at home and alone with each other.
- You can’t deliberately provoke a guy and reproach him for something - this is unnecessary.
It is advisable to maintain friendly relations and disperse peacefully. There is no need to quarrel, fight, or ruin relationships completely. There is always a chance that after some time the couple will get back together.
Ways to confirm your guesses
An attempt to arouse jealousy can confirm or deny the girl’s feelings
A guy may notice that a girl has lost interest in him, but this is not always a sign that she has stopped loving him. It is possible that some serious difficulties have arisen in her life that she does not want to tell him about. This is precisely what explains this behavior. In order not to get upset ahead of time, you need to check her feelings by conducting some experiments.
- Try to gently induce jealousy. To do this, you can say that a colleague at work has become interested in you, or that an ex-girlfriend is inviting you to a serious conversation. If a girl cares, she will definitely express her dissatisfaction with the current situation.
- To check whether a girl is interested in you and wants to continue to show concern, you need to simulate a bad mood caused by problems at work. If a young lady loves, she will definitely take an interest in what happened and try to provide support.
- If you are almost sure that your partner no longer loves you, talk directly. Suddenly it turns out that this opinion is wrong. But you need to start the conversation only after you confirm your guesses. Otherwise, such a conversation will undermine the level of trust in your person.
Body language and eye contact characteristics
If a lady looks away when talking to a man, most likely her partner has ceased to arouse her interest. The same applies to situations where a woman often takes closed poses in the presence of her chosen one. And before this behavior was uncharacteristic for her.
And instead of positioning herself as close to her chosen one as possible, the girl tries to move further away from him, as if distancing herself.
Feeling irritated for no reason
It's normal to feel irritated from time to time around your partner; we all have periods when people need a break from each other. It's all about the frequency and intensity of this feeling.
When his very presence, the desire to hug or talk to you makes you angry, and this happens almost all the time, perhaps there is a deeper feeling hidden behind the irritation. If this emotion seems too familiar, try to figure out why it occurs.
Gritsyshina Alevtina Vladimirovna
I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time I don’t feel anything for him
Why don't you want to lose? Are you afraid that you will be alone? or that no one will love you? or that the guy will be lost without you? In any case, you describe your certain dependence on the guy, even though you no longer like him.
If you don't feel anything for him but continue to be with him, you are betraying yourself.
Gritsyshina Alevtina Vladimirovna - psychologist, Skype consultant, Minsk
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You have to rely on yourself
How to understand that you have fallen out of love? Look at your life. Is it easier for you to call a taxi for a certain time than to ask your chosen one to take you somewhere? In response to a request to stop by a store or dry cleaner, will you only hear curses or irritation in your voice? Do you prefer to resolve any everyday issues on your own, just to avoid another conflict?
Well, this is probably exactly what Anna Akhmatova once wrote about:
How many requests does your beloved always have!
A woman who has fallen out of love has no requests.
When does a man fulfill any girl’s whims and wishes? Of course, when he loves her. If all of the above reminds you of your relationship, you are most likely on the verge of breaking up.
(Not) eternal love
When we fall in love and our hormones are raging, we feel like the relationship will last forever. You will never fall out of love with each other and will become one of those sweet older couples who leisurely walk through the park and smile at each other.
Well, that happens. Love for life, a fairy tale in reality and all that. But unfortunately, most couples break up after a certain period of time. Ruthless statistics indicate that eternal love and cloudless happiness are the exception rather than the rule. Sometimes we put in a lot of effort and try to do the impossible, but the relationship still dies.
The reasons why relationships fall apart are different for each couple. Perhaps you and your boyfriend are looking in different directions and the lines of your future simply do not intersect. Or your boyfriend doesn’t understand what you want from him, and you can’t convey your desires to him.
Or a more common option - you just stopped loving him.
It can be difficult to separate anxiety, depression, and general mental fatigue from the fatigue caused by your relationship.
But we will try to do it.
Here are ten signs that you don’t love him anymore.
