Break up? Go into the void? Give up illusions and admit that the marriage is falling apart? Scary.
Do you know what's even scarier? The consequences of your inaction. "Being in an unhappy marriage can take a toll on your mental health," says Carrie Cole, a board-certified therapist at the Gottman Institute. Research shows that people in unhappy marriages are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, and weak immune systems. They also often have problems with self-esteem.
Breaking up brings pain and disappointment, but sooner or later people recover and find their happiness. “According to statistics, 85% of people get married again within five years of ending an unhappy marriage,” Carrie reassures.
Before you are the main signs that your marriage has outlived its usefulness, and you need to do something urgently.
You are together... but not together3
You seem to be a meter away from each other, but there is a gap between you. If you are truly comfortable together, you feel comfortable doing your own thing and occasionally exchanging phrases. He's on the phone, you're watching TV. You don't need to talk, but it doesn't bother anyone - there is a strong connection between you that doesn't need to be maintained verbally.
Is everything wrong with you? Sadly.
Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?
Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:
- you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
- if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
- there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.
Inner voice4
Our instincts react quickly and give us signals when a relationship begins to fall apart. But we stubbornly ignore these signals. So says author and therapist Susan Pease Gadua. “We often ignore the quiet, calm voice within,” says Susan. We are accustomed to listening to the voice of reason, not the heart. Therefore, we very often suppress internal doubts and experiences if we do not believe that they have a reasonable basis.
Stop and ask yourself a couple of questions: “Do I feel happy in this relationship?”, “Do we mutually respect each other?”
Sometimes it is worth listening to the voice of the heart. It subtly senses what the mind is trying not to react to.
Reasons for the fading of feelings
The most difficult years of family life are the first three. In the first year, the spouses decide whether they should continue living together and get used to each other’s characteristics. By the third year of family life, a child appears in the family, and the barely established way of life is turned upside down.
Three years is a considerable period of time during which life becomes stable. In many families, stability is replaced by monotony, and a monotonous routine can make even the most faithful and loving partner irritable and tired. Behind a series of boring daily actions, the negative sides of the spouse become clearly visible. If earlier the wife could only affectionately scold him for sloppiness, forgetfulness or passion for computer games, then by the third year annoying habits can be pointed out with rudeness and scandal.
Otherwise, the woman suffers in silence. She, as always, does her usual housework, cleans, cooks, smiles reservedly at her husband, but in her head she has long been hatching a plan to leave for her lover or her parents.
External negative factors influence the decision to leave. Living with parents or their constant interference in the personal lives of spouses, financial difficulties, the loss of a close friend or relative can turn a woman’s mind upside down and make her grow cold towards her husband.
The reasons for loss of feelings can be very diverse. The spouses themselves should gather in them or do it together with a specialist. However, breaking up a family relationship, especially a long one, is a serious step, and it is not always worth following your heart, especially since feelings can only fade away temporarily. Let's turn to the advice of a psychologist: what to do if a wife stops loving her husband.
Other people's problems5
Do you know why many women continue to stay in relationships that are not worth it at all? Because they are accustomed to putting other people's needs and needs above their own.
Women are used to taking care of others. But it is very important not to lose yourself, not to forget to take care of yourself and your loved one. “To finally face relationship problems, a woman must stop constantly solving other people's problems. Perhaps caring about others is just a way to escape from our own problems,” says Gadoua. Do you constantly get into quarrels between your mother and sister, rushing headlong to solve other people’s problems? Stop and look at your relationship with your husband.
Why does love disappear
