Under the phrase how to start a relationship from the beginning, people perceive two questions. The first means a return to the previous partner. In the second case, people are looking for how to return that feeling of happiness and love, and also to avoid the current misunderstanding. The answers to both of these questions, of course, differ, but some of the solutions have similar roots, which is good news.
People decide to date those who make them feel good. It could be a flutter in the stomach at the sight of a loved one, or a feeling of boundless calm and confidence when being around. One way or another, every person chooses a relationship. Unfortunately, after a certain amount of time, these attempts are mostly unsuccessful and the partners separate. Some people get there within a month, while others may take years.
Few are able to think about and understand the mistakes they have made, and an even smaller percentage are able to compromise and try a new attempt with their previous partner, because it is much easier to start a completely new acquaintance. The reboot method or how to behave at the beginning of a relationship is discussed in detail in the article at the link.
Forget that opposites attract
The myth that two opposites can create a successful union has long been debunked. In physics, plus is attracted to minus, but with people it’s the other way around. We feel good and comfortable with those who understand us and share our views and values. Being with someone who is too different from us leads to tension. No matter how much you like each other outwardly, if there is no common ground, the relationship will not last long.
It is difficult for an inveterate healthy lifestyle enthusiast to get along with a beer and cigar lover, for a believer to get along with an atheist, even an extrovert will have to make an effort to establish contact with an introvert. After the bouquet and candy period, these contradictions will be felt more acutely. Therefore, at the very beginning, it is important to understand how different you are and whether you are ready to work together on a relationship.
From scratch4
Finding out how to start a relationship over can be useful in case of a crisis between lovers. Sooner or later, but such a moment occurs in 85% of those who meet. When both people don't know where the future will take them, starting their life together with a clean slate may seem like a great idea. And the most important requirement for this will be the consent of both partners. Both people must have the desire to return happiness to the union, otherwise nothing will work out. If one of the partners shows a cool attitude towards such an idea, then you should think about whether it’s worth making the effort at all.
In any case, the algorithm of actions will be as follows:
- Mutual explanation to each other that you are not satisfied with the current version of the relationship. And at this stage, many, instead of a frank discussion, begin to hide their dissatisfaction, or even start a quarrel (don’t you like how I spend the whole weekend on the couch!?). You need to calmly and clearly tell your partner what you would like to see in a new version of life together, and ask him to lay out his picture of a happy future.
- After discussing current problems, it is necessary to decide what innovations will appear in the new union and what goals it will pursue. Be it a possible wedding and family, or just living together for mutual pleasure. Perhaps the guy and the girl will start spending more time together, or vice versa - they will give each other more free time.
- Hearing your shortcomings from a loved one is one thing, but accepting them and wanting to change yourself is completely different. Here it is necessary to understand who will make what compromise, and what will be required for this.
Blames and unilateral compromises are unacceptable. Both people must want to change themselves for shared happiness. But these changes should not be critical, you cannot bend yourself to suit someone else, just change them slightly. For example, some men, for the sake of their loved ones, agree to reduce the frequency of visiting the bar with friends, or train themselves not to scatter their things throughout the apartment. It's funny, but many little things can play the role of a catalyst for a scandal.
- After conversations, decisions and promises are made, action must come. And here it is very important to overcome yourself and begin to change in those things that you can do. Sometimes this turns out to be much easier than accepting the very existence of a problem.
The success of a “clean slate” largely depends on the reason that led the relationship to crisis.
Listen carefully
There are no secret techniques to help you find out what's on another person's mind. Often we are told everything about ourselves, but we are so focused on continuing the relationship that we ignore the obvious. Meanwhile, it is on the basis of the partner’s previous experience that one can build a true forecast of the development of relations.
Is he shirking his responsibilities with the children from his previous marriage? It will be the same with your children in the event of a divorce. Lived in a civil marriage twice, but didn’t get to the registry office? And most likely it won’t work out for you. If your partner is well over 40, and has never had a long-term relationship in his life, then he probably won’t have one with you either.
You can spend a long time figuring out “why he did this” and “why it didn’t work out for him before,” but this is not our task, we just need to understand where this relationship can lead.
Time balance
In the first relationship, there are two extremes related to time. The first is to spend all your free time together or 24/7.
Here we are talking more about emotional dependence and the lack of one’s own range of interests and needs.
It doesn’t matter whether a self-sufficient person, a man or a woman, always needs time for YOURSELF.
You get used to being with each other, you have fun, good and calm together.
It seems that life without him stops playing with bright colors, chocolate becomes tasteless, and the sky is not so blue... Your mood worsens not by minutes, but literally by seconds, when the date comes to an end.
Another option is a long distance relationship. Someone moves to another city, someone goes to live abroad, study, work... There are a lot of options.
This is how the illusion of relationships is formed. You seem to have started dating, but what will you do next? I will repeat until you remember...
One of the main indicators of a serious relationship is if you meet not only on Saturday night in a hotel room.
Extremes are not comrades in relationships. You can go somewhere without it. This is not only normal, but also healthy.
And yes, if he invites you somewhere, it means he really wants to go there with you. I'm telling you exactly.
Check your goals
People enter relationships with different desires. Some people want a family, while others need a nice person to meet once a week. Both are good, it’s just important that your goals coincide. The easiest way to clarify this is to ask directly. Perhaps you are looking for a future husband, but the man is afraid of the registry office, you love children, but he doesn’t need them.
Counting on him to turn from a bachelor into a family man and become a loving father to your five children is creating additional difficulties for yourself. If a person is not ready for a serious relationship, he will tell you about it. Every adult has a personal position on marriage and children - find out what your partner’s position is.
After a breakup3
If a person is looking for how to start a relationship after a breakup, then the “physical” self-improvement listed above is a must. The ex-other half should see a confident and calm person in front of her, and not a sloppy creature with wet eyes pressing for pity.
For men, everything is somewhat more complicated - if the beloved has lost respect for her boyfriend, then regaining her affection (real feelings) will be unimaginably difficult. An analogy with a meat grinder and minced meat that cannot be turned back is suitable here. There are many ways to lose her confidence in her partner:
- Leave alone with big troubles.
- Be afraid and refuse to protect your woman. Fear does not always mean refusing to get into a fight with hooligans in a dark alley. It is enough to simply not respond to an insult or agree with poisonous criticism.
- Humiliate your chosen one, especially in front of other people.
- Big deception, change. Cheating is generally a separate topic for discussion, and lying destroys any trust and mutual respect.
A girl who wants to make a second attempt should look independent and not show her need for a “man’s shoulder.” Such behavior will cause indignation in the guy, his sense of ownership will force him to re-conquer this cold beauty and make her his. But the fact of respect also plays a role here. If the lady has not lied or cheated before, then becoming loved again will not be difficult. Especially if the girl has changed qualitatively.
The following tips will help make reconciliation more likely:
- It is best to start the second attempt with a neutral meeting of old “acquaintances”. Calm conversations on harmless topics and having the most enjoyable time possible.
- No talking about the past, it’s better to leave this topic, at least for a while.
- Sex is not enough for a new attempt at a relationship, but it can play the role of a “bridge” to the opposite shore.
- It is necessary to try to exactly repeat all the pleasant moments that the couple experienced before their breakup.
- Try not to make past mistakes that led to a break in the relationship.
Be yourself
It is difficult not to succumb to temptation and embellish yourself in the eyes of another. If we like someone, we want to live up to their expectations. This tendency is so strong because as children we tried to gain the approval of the people closest to us - our parents.
You don’t like to cook, but he thinks that a woman is this kitchen sorceress who will surprise him every evening with a restaurant masterpiece? It is better to immediately inform your chosen one that this will not happen. Perhaps all your other advantages will outweigh, and he will not go in search of a chef, and you will no longer have to do what you don’t like.
At the beginning, you can pretend to be anyone and even honestly try to match this image for some time, but you won’t last long - it’s too emotionally costly. When you get bored, both you and your partner will feel irritated and dissatisfied.
What exactly should you not do at the initial stage of a relationship?
The beginning of a relationship is one of the most important periods for your love. You need to know how to behave correctly with a guy in a relationship during this period.
- Don't lose face.
On your first dates, you don't need to reveal all your flaws. You have to be yourself, of course. But it is important to show yourself as someone with whom you can and should build a long, happy relationship, and not as a girl created for petty affairs. At the first meeting, a certain stereotype of human behavior already develops.
The first impression can play into your hands, or it can ruin all your plans and hopes. Be open and free to communicate. Dress nicely, but not provocatively. The main thing is to look neat and tidy. You shouldn't come to a meeting wearing your favorite T-shirt with a hole.
But when a man shows a negative attitude towards some of your neutral qualities, then be careful. Evaluate whether such a guy is suitable for a relationship. And if he is touched by all your actions, this is a good signal, you are on the right track.
- Don't make yourself an inaccessible mountain.
Don't let your inner calculating bitch out, even if you have one. This will definitely scare your chosen one. The man may have gone beyond his principles to ask you out on a date. Coldness and inaccessibility are unlikely to please him. There is a very high percentage that you will be rejected almost once.
Show your openness, sincerity, friendliness. This applies not only to your partner, but also to other people around you who somehow come into contact with you. Don't be rude, don't swear, be kinder.
When a man realizes that there is a sweet creature next to him, and not an evil dragon, he will open up to you, and the path to his heart will be clear.
- You shouldn’t give yourself completely to him right away.
It’s better to let him get closer, and then, playfully, increase the distance between you. You need to be careful not to increase the distance indefinitely. You have to keep it close, but not too close.
Men love these types of games. This strategy will be the right start to a relationship. Your partner will only be eager to get his woman. Passion will flare up, he will understand that you will not run after him, he will feel freedom and power. But a smart woman knows that the situation is still in her hands.
This skill is useful not only at the start of a relationship, but also at any time. This helps maintain the spark.
- Don't open up at the very beginning.
You shouldn’t tell him all the good and all the bad that happened and is in your life at once. He may not like such a large amount of information on the first day. He may think that you still have a lot of problems behind you, but he doesn’t need that. It's easier to find a girl without a load.
Open up gradually, tell him little by little stories from your life, sometimes complain, share your worries and joys. He will gradually begin to get used to you and your both positive and negative emotions. And if you choose him, he will already be ready to accept you with all your cockroaches.
Mistakes of a woman at the beginning of a relationship with a man
Listen to your feelings
Regularly ask yourself if you are comfortable with this person. We enter into relationships to make things better, not worse. If you feel good together only during sex, and the rest of the time is spent in tension and petty grievances, this is not the person for you.
Healthy relationships make us stronger, happier and even more self-confident, and not the other way around, and this is perhaps the main criterion for the success of a union. Remain yourself, look soberly at your partner, ask questions and listen to your feelings, then everything will definitely work out.
Treason6
Not many people are able to start over after adultery. After all, it is not enough to simply forgive a person for his infidelity (which in itself is difficult). The main problem is that it is very difficult to begin to feel not only love, but also trust towards a cheating partner. And without trust, real relationships are impossible.
As a result, people seem to forgive, and even agree to start dating from scratch. But in fact, inside the forgiver there will be a worm of doubt and mistrust. And it may take months or even years for the offender to remove it. And even then, the deceived partner will feel a slight aftertaste for the rest of his life.
Friendship between a guy and a girl
This headline is very popular now, but let's be frank, honest, objective. Relationships between a guy and a girl, a man and a woman are called differently: sympathy, falling in love, love - yes, this, of course, takes place, it exists, and it’s wonderful! In such relationships there can and should be elements of friendship, but this is not friendship itself as such. This is different and requires separate consideration.
Friendship between a guy and a girl cannot last long. Close friendship will slowly transform into romantic feelings and infatuation. And then friends either succumb to these feelings or increase the distance in the relationship, which also cannot be called true friendship.
