Surely everyone is familiar with the feeling of hopelessness. It’s as if you’re stuck in reality, in a relationship, in a difficult life situation, in debt, in feelings.
This is a stupor that interferes with any development. If a person is confused in life, he stops enjoying what he has. Neither work, nor family, nor hobbies inspire. The desire and desire to move to new heights disappears. All because there seems to be a dead end in life ahead, and there is no meaning or joy in anything.
When life has reached a dead end, it is important to find a way out of it as quickly as possible. Otherwise, you risk being depressed. And the solution always lies on the surface. It’s just that the available options do not always satisfy us and motivate us enough to immediately begin to implement them. Sometimes we need to step over our “I”, somewhere we need to lower the bar, and sometimes admit that we are wrong. And getting out of the deadlock seems like an impossible task. But everything will not be so scary if you look at the situation from the outside. Imagine that this is not your problem and look at it as an outsider. Talk to yourself as if your friend is asking you for help. Without emotions and worries, it is always easier to find a rational solution.
If you have the feeling that the steering wheel has been torn out of your hands or that you are locked in, and there is no way out of such a situation, self-torment begins. You either withdraw into yourself and your problems, or think about how to get out of the dead end. Perhaps you got yourself there. What's the best option here? The answer is obvious - find a way out of the deadlock as quickly as possible.
Recommendations
1.If you admit that you are at a dead end, don’t despair
Sometimes it takes time to realize the problem. After all, in order to know where to go, it is important to understand where I am coming from and where exactly I am now, right? This is a very important process, and if you do not give yourself the opportunity to gain strength and look around, all the time replaying the current situation in your head and tormenting yourself with searches for solutions, you will simply waste your internal strength and reserves. So allow yourself to pause and just be. Sometimes switching to other tasks helps, then the solution appears on its own.
2.Change your attitude towards the situation
Indeed, in fact, no matter how difficult it may be, every crisis and ambush that arises is such a very motivating way to go beyond the boundaries of your comfort in order to achieve changes in the level of quality of your life. After all, many achievements of great people occurred precisely after a long period of stagnation. It is important not to give up, but to understand that you are on the path to a breakthrough, when the accumulated energy will still reach its goal, and this “suspended” state will sooner or later end.
Thanks to such difficulties, a person gains experience, his inner strength, maturity and awareness grow.
3.Responsibility
The support of loved ones is very important at such a moment, but you should not forget that only you are responsible for your life. Yes, they can help you with advice or even financially, but you shouldn’t just expect help, relying on circumstances or other people. This is your life and only you decide how to live it, and only you make efforts to satisfy at least your basic needs.
4.The culprits
Sometimes the big mistake we make is that when we fail, we spend energy looking for someone to blame. Instead, focus on the problem and think about how to get out of the current situation. A dead end has occurred, and if you shift the blame to circumstances or other people, this will not help you move forward, but will only increase the temptation to do nothing about it.
5. Challenges are a gift
Sometimes some tests are given to us so that we realize that the usual way of life is no longer satisfactory. The usual ways of building relationships no longer work, that we are moving forward, and we simply need changes. If the need for personal growth is ignored, a person becomes static, “canned,” to the point that he may lose the meaning of life.
If you have reached this state, I recommend reading my article “What is the meaning of a person’s life and how to find it.”
6.Benefit
No matter how harsh it may sound now, sometimes the feeling of helplessness and the inability to solve some problem is beneficial for us and for some reason necessary. Some receive attention, others do not have to make much effort to ensure comfortable living conditions, since the other has shouldered this burden...
It happens in different ways, listen to yourself, if you have been at a dead end for a long time, maybe you really need it for some reason now? And then, instead of looking for excuses, it will be important to find the courage to admit this to yourself.
Personal experience of being at a career dead end
Six months later, I was again overcome by the unbearability of life and hatred of my boss and colleagues. True, a new feeling was added: a passionate desire to change something in life. But I didn't see the possibilities. My knowledge is limited by professional activities, I have reached the ceiling. Study? Why? Move to another position in the company? On what?
I went on vacation, went on a trip. Upon returning, nothing changed: the negativity intensified, impostor syndrome and fatigue were added. Two weeks later I left the company. I searched for myself for six months and entered an unusual niche, where I ran into a dead end three months later. I left again, now to freelance, where I happily remain to this day. Burnouts happen, but dead ends do not.
“The path of a freelancer: what awaits those who started working remotely”
Reflection method
This method is good because it helps you find the answer within yourself about how to get out of the feeling of hopelessness. When it seems that we are moving in circles, day after day, being in the same state of anxiety and desire for change. To do this, choose a time and place where no one will disturb you, turn off the sound of your mobile phone and take a piece of paper with a pen.
Write down all your thoughts and responses.
- Describe the problem that has arisen or the situation from which you intend to find a way out. Every moment and nuance is detailed.
- Close your eyes and try to identify the feelings that arise. This could be: anger, disappointment, powerlessness, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, irritation, etc. One feeling can clearly manifest itself, and sometimes many at the same time, tangled up like a ball.
- Now listen to the sensations of your body, where tension arises, perhaps even pain. It is likely that when you realize something, you may feel dizzy or have a lump in your throat.
- Now describe the thoughts that arise. It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive, just write each one down. Sometimes the answer is hidden on the surface, so even the smallest detail is important.
- Use your imagination and try to imagine the worst possible outcome of events. If your greatest fear does come true, then what will happen? Mentally consider all the options, what’s terrible about them? Give shape to your fear when it’s not just something big that scares you, but when you look at it from different angles, it often happens that in reality there is no such thing as terrible, and it’s quite possible to cope with what you were initially very afraid of.
- Now, on the contrary, fantasize about what scenario would be the best option for you? What exactly do you want along with this feeling of impasse? Try to imagine what you want clearly and in detail, otherwise sometimes it happens, as with fear, when there is some general voluminous desire, but what it consists of is unclear, not specific at all.
- Explore the beliefs that arise when you think about solving an existing problem. The ones that stop you from doing anything. For example: “I’m weak and nothing will work out for me”, “I won’t be able to earn that much money”...and so on.
- Now, reformulate these beliefs into positive ones, which are called affirmations; you can read how to do this correctly in my article “How you can program yourself for success using the simplest methods of working on yourself.” And repeat them to yourself as often as possible, so over time the subconscious will be programmed for a positive result, which will greatly simplify your every day.
Personal experience of professional burnout
I hated my colleagues, clients and especially my boss. I felt hostility when I saw her and didn’t want to do anything. She preferred to lock herself in her office and spent hours filling out reports, which she usually spent 20–30 minutes on.
One day my boss yelled at me. She needed to throw out her anger - I was nearby. That same day I went on sick leave, and in the morning I arrived and put the application on the table. The boss asked me to stay for a conversation: she explained that my condition was natural, I was tired and needed to rest. If, after returning from sick leave, I decide to leave, she will sign a statement. If not, we'll tear it down together.
A week later I went to work, the application was destroyed. I rested, put my thoughts in order and realized that the people around me are good. It's just that expectations didn't match reality. During the rest I saw and accepted the current picture of the world. The thoughts with which I opened the article did not occur to me for six months.
“Work less and get more done: 4 effective techniques”
Methods that help restore resources to overcome difficulties
1.Creativity
With the help of creativity it is possible to release accumulated and unconscious energy. Sometimes an ordinary drawing gives the answer to the most difficult question, because you know the saying: “everything ingenious is simple”? Therefore, take a sheet of paper, pencils or paints, and try to depict your hopeless situation. You don’t have to be able to draw beautifully, even if it’s just lines, spots, dots, whatever, but it symbolizes your condition. Let your hand move, do not control the accuracy and clarity.
Then, when you feel that the drawing is ready, listen to yourself, what feelings do you feel towards it? What thoughts come to mind? What do you want to do with it? Save it, hang it in a frame, or vice versa, tear it up, crush it and burn it? Do what you want, these manipulations will help you go a little beyond your usual view of the situation and free yourself from accumulated feelings.
2.Sport
Or active physical activity. When your body can release all the tension and you feel tired, your thoughts will become much clearer. Sometimes it’s important to just distract yourself and direct your energy in a different direction.
3. Practice meditation
It will help you relax and hear your true desires, listen to yourself, allow yourself to just be in the moment. And if you establish contact with yourself, it is likely that you will find a solution to the problem quite easily and unexpectedly. If you don’t know proper relaxation techniques, you can familiarize yourself with them in the article “The easiest to learn and effective way to meditate.”
What to do when you have no strength and it doesn’t go away
After a week of rest and following all the recommendations from the previous section, it becomes easier.
A good indicator of a way out of an impasse - you want to work.
You must miss work. If this does not happen, there are two versions:
- You haven't rested enough. We need to take another week.
- You have chosen not your business and you really need to think about changing your profession.
If you take another week, you need to act differently - listen carefully to yourself. You are probably really not doing what you like. Well, if you have no doubts about choosing a profession, but still don’t want to work after two weeks of living in emergency mode, I recommend contacting specialists who will help you adjust your thoughts, the world around you, and your directions.
In the second week, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist if you feel that you can’t figure it out on your own. The market for psychologists is rich in specialists. I'm sure you will find the right one for you.
Once again I would like to draw the reader’s attention to the fact that I am not a psychologist. I'm just interested in myself and what's going on inside me. I am interested in understanding the processes and understanding how different methods of understanding and managing oneself work. Here I give recommendations based on my experience and the processes that surround me.
Stage 3: Blessing
This stage is one of the most exciting emotionally. Your life suddenly changes beyond recognition. Everything around is suddenly filled with colors never seen before, even the smells intensify. You feel a kind of ecstasy: bliss, euphoria, an indescribable feeling of freedom.
But, despite all of the above, the pain has not yet gone away. Although, of course, it is not so intense.
The emotions of the past still live somewhere inside, reminding themselves from time to time. You analyze the path you have taken, trying to understand how you chose this life. As soon as questions arise, the first answers are found.
What to do when you get out
Above, in the “How did you get here” section, I provided a list of reasons why an internal accident may occur. Go back to it, read it carefully and try to identify the points that led you to a dead end. Situations related to them will probably come to mind.
When you determine what caused the accident, you need to come up with a plan: what will you do to prevent it from happening again.
Reason processing example
If the cause of the accident is tight work deadlines,
schedule a conversation with your superiors about reducing the workload or hiring an assistant.
Find another job in which you can work more quietly, but earn no less.
Learn to say “no”, take care of yourself, plan a vacation.
If the cause of the accident is the devaluation of our work
Change job. If this seems like a bad idea, you can create a public portfolio of your work to show off your work to anyone who is interested. In this case, a new job will find you on its own. Someone will see your portfolio and want to invite you to join the company. But this is a long process.
It may be that your skill level really needs improvement and improvement. Plan to discuss the results of your work with more experienced colleagues who will provide adequate feedback. You can find out what skills you need to improve to do your job better. Listening to criticism can be painful, but it is almost always useful.
The main thing is to do everything to protect yourself from further accidents for the same reasons.
You should have an action plan for building up a conditional protective layer.
The plan must consist of sequential tasks.
Tasks should be scheduled on a calendar, just like any daily work tasks.
Gradually you must complete this plan to become stronger.
A person’s desperation is a source of resource
How to deal with despair? Use the resource hidden within it. Despair can be charged with a strong desire to change the situation. When a person is desperate, he wants to cope with difficulties, but he doesn’t know how.
The “System-Vector Psychology” training reveals how vital forces are fueled by desires. As long as desires are realized, there is energy. When they stop being implemented, dissatisfaction appears. If there is no way to solve the problem, vitality fades away - apathy sets in. In this case, you don’t even want to wish for anything. Apathy due to prolonged failure to fulfill a person’s desires is preceded by despair. And when a person is in despair, he still has the energy to correct the situation.
When the mechanism of the state of despair is understood, it becomes possible to direct the forces that were wasted on worry into an impulse to achieve what you want.
More energy is released when there is something worth living for.
Australian Nick Vujicic was born with a rare disease. How not to experience feelings of despair when you have no arms and legs? But he overcame the state of despair, accepting that he was not born this way by chance. He managed to find meaning in inspiring others with his example, showing the possibilities of the human spirit.
The hero of the story “The Mexican” by Jack London managed not to fall into despair - he knew exactly what to do: he needed a victory in a boxing match. She would bring money for the revolution, and his fellow citizens would be freed from slave labor. The unknown boxer focused his efforts on victory, which had great meaning for him, and did the almost impossible - he defeated the champion.
What to do if a person falls into despair
In extreme cases of despair, a person loses the meaning of existence. He doesn't understand why he should live anymore.
What helped the mother of actor, TV presenter and director Sergei Bodrov fight despair when she learned that her son had gone missing along with the film crew in the Karmadon Gorge? She took part in the search operation. The rubble could never be cleared without the help of a powerful bulldozer, the delivery of which to the scene was organized by Sergei Bodrov’s mother. The desperate families of the victims needed her support to do the best they could in that tragic situation.
The head of one of the Russian rehabilitation centers for children with Down syndrome would probably never have created it. It so happened that the woman had to fight despair when her daughter was diagnosed with this disease. She was able to overcome her despair by realizing that other parents experiencing feelings of despair needed her help to cope with a similar situation.
Meaning appears where there is something greater than the private “I”. For a person in despair, a difficult situation can become a turning point, after which one’s own life will fundamentally change and will never be the same. Will she get better? Depends on us.
Training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan
helps to gain stress resistance and cope with despair and difficult life situations - even in war. Listen to the results of people who completed the training:
Stage 4: Pull and Push
All the most fundamental things begin with this motto. You have a dilemma: close your eyes or open them. Fear slowly permeates from head to toe. This happens because you were not prepared for everything that should guide you along the path of awakening.
Deciding to jump into the unknown is not easy, especially when everything around you is crumbling and falling apart. At such moments, everything takes on a special meaning for you: your life, your beliefs.
You are puzzled and stunned.
It finally dawns on you that you are standing on the edge of a cliff, and the ground is about to disappear from under your feet. This is the point of no return: if you decide to “jump,” your life will change once and for all. You certainly won’t live as before, half asleep and half asleep.
