What to do when you feel bad and are tired of everything

What does mental pain “scream” about?

Bad mood, depression, despondency, sadness are emotions that have a right to exist. It is impossible to be positive all the time. When something hurts, we go to the doctor. Pain is a sign that there is some problem in the body. Treatment is necessary to prevent the disease from developing further.

The situation with the internal state is exactly the same. If you do not cope with the negative emotions that poison the soul in time, everything can end in severe depression, mental disorders and even suicide attempts. Heaviness in the soul may be a signal that it’s time to:

rethink your goals and reconsider the current stage of life;
make changes that you can’t decide to make and constantly put off;
slow down the pace of work;
take a break from the hassle and bustle;
be more attentive to yourself, your feelings and experiences, without pushing them into the background;
get rid of loneliness and find like-minded people.

If you recognize such signals in time and take measures to eliminate them, then your state of mind will improve quite quickly. Your mood will improve and life will sparkle with new colors.

You should sound the alarm when you notice the following signs:

Eternal depression. You are constantly in a bad mood. Nothing pleases me at all. You don’t even try to smile at others on duty.
Lost interest. What once made your eyes burn has now become bland and boring. Neither work, nor hobbies, nor hobbies arouse enthusiasm anymore. Moreover, you even avoid meeting with friends.
Prostration. You feel like your battery is completely drained. Even if you have gathered the last of your strength and started to work, you immediately stop it. You are unable to concentrate on completing tasks.
Deterioration in sleep quality, insomnia. At night, sadness and melancholy become even heavier. Anxious thoughts prevent you from falling asleep peacefully. And when you wake up in the morning, you feel as if you had been unloading wagons all night.
Indifference to one's appearance. Not only have you stopped visiting the hairdresser, but you even simply forget to wash your hair or brush your teeth. You put on the clothes that fall out of the closet first. You don't care at all about your appearance.
Lost desire to have sex. People who are in close relationships have lost the joy of sex. They stop taking initiative and are reluctant to agree to intimacy with a partner. They don’t even try to act out passion in bed.
Apathy. You are no longer interested in news from the lives of your friends. You don't care what you're wearing, what you look like, what you eat, etc.

All signs point to you being deeply depressed. And it's time to pull yourself out of it. The article “How to get out of depression” has a lot of useful tips on this topic.

Requests for help Write your story

Help! I feel bad, lonely... longing in my soul and tears choke me. It’s been about a year since I kicked out my husband, because he cheated on me with a young, beautiful, self-sufficient, self-confident woman (she’s 49, he’s 58, I’m 56). I’m terminally ill, I don’t work, I have an old mother, 90 years old, two children. , grandson. The children live in another city and rarely come. It so happened that besides my mother, there were no other relatives in the city. There are school friends, but they have their own families. We see each other sometimes. At times it hits me so hard that I not only roar, but howl from loneliness. I know that despondency is a sin... I go to church on Friday evenings, Saturday and Sunday. I pray, but apparently the Lord does not send me sincere faith. I understand everything with my mind, but my soul can’t calm down, everything hurts and hurts. I catch myself thinking “why did I kick him out..” I know, out of pity, he would live with me (running there) Maybe I shouldn’t have cut it in the heat of the moment.. But what’s done is done. You can’t bring him back, he’s very happy there, he’s younger, prettier, happy... this makes me even sadder. I also understand that he didn’t love me, because you can’t order your heart, but there’s passion, newness of sensations, etc. . I know that I need to forgive and let go, but my soul is so attached to him that I can’t pull him away. Love addiction, yes, yes, addiction, but how to get rid of it is impossible (after all, we have lived together for more than 30 years in marriage). How to recover from it? And I loved him, and even now in the depths of my soul I love him, that’s why I suffer...

Nata, age: 56 / 12/27/2012

Responses:

Nata! Think, now you need to think about yourself...What’s done is done...You broke up with your husband, you couldn’t tolerate his betrayal, that’s it, this is the point in your life. Think about yourself, about your health, don’t try to get your husband back when they don’t need us healthy, hoping that they will love us sick... it’s just an illusion. Now you need to devote all your efforts to your health, to your continuation of life. Yes, it’s very painful to know that BM is no longer your husband, but another woman’s lover. To tear off a leg or arm from yourself without anesthesia is an impossible pain... But in this life of yours and all of us, absolutely everything has a place... Betrayal, deception, separation, betrayal... We cannot change anything, everything is in the hands of the Lord, but accept the situation as it is, we can... Why now waste your precious health on the fact that your husband is doing well... everything is fine with him, let him go, he is no longer yours, he is a stranger, he is a traitor... let him live his own life, you should have your own. You understand, we cannot change another, we can only change ourselves....or our attitude to the situation. You should now be devoting all your strength to your health, to giving strength to yourself and only yourself... What are you thinking about? About how well he feels there? The Lord will decide everything... who gets bread, who gets happiness, and who gets to pay the bills... Live today only one day, thinking only about yourself. Brew a cup of coffee in the morning and inhale its aroma... go outside for a walk, in order to see how beautiful the frosty morning is, breathe in the frosty air... and just walk, glad that you see all this beauty of life.. And love your husband, love it great, love for yourself... even if he is not there and he is with someone else, but you are capable of loving and no one in the world can forbid you from doing so. After all, we love everything for ourselves, and not for another... Be happy with your love, this feeling is creative... and don’t destroy yourself... let everything be as life decided. And now that you know that only you can help yourself, do everything for this. Of course, you can’t tear your husband away from you, don’t do that... let him remain in your heart who he was for you... But now, this is a completely different and alien person, let him go with God, let him live his life... she she herself will put all the dots for him, his time will come. Think only about yourself now, remembering that there is no one else to think about you today... Love yourself, this is your time, your precious time... You cannot fix the past, you cannot look into the future, you can only live here, and only now!!! Live every second, and experience the moments of the starry sky, white snow, the smell of bread... and much more... Live, take care of yourself... I hug you and pray for you!!!

Olga, age: 52 / 12/28/2012

Dear Nata, I’m very sorry, I can’t even imagine how hard it is. I can only advise from the outside, maybe you can find some places where your help is needed? If possible. For example, with children, or something like that, for people who are also having a hard time? This will help you take your mind off loneliness and cultivate new love within yourself by giving it to others. You go to church, you pray - this is very good; Maybe try to affirm your faith through Christian deeds. And you will feel more confident. Everything will fall into place, the Lord will not betray or abandon his people. Spiritual literature also helps a lot, take small steps every day and gradually it will get better. Read on this site, Smilla (enter in the search), she also had a marriage for 30 years and she also divorced around your age, her husband cheated for many years. Maybe she will write to you here too.

Katya, age: 28/12/28/2012

Nata, I really want to support you and console you. Your letter conveys pain, humility, and wisdom. For such a good and bright person, everything will definitely work out! Don't regret the past if possible. You write that children rarely come, maybe now is the time to invite them? This will be a support for you, your grandchildren will be happy. With all my heart I wish that everything will work out, that everything will be fine. Peace to you, warmth and faith in everything.

Anna, age: 24/12/28/2012

You are happy that you have a MOTHER! There are children, a grandson! Isn't this enough?! It's a lot. Many people don’t even have this. At one time, these verses helped me a lot: “Or maybe just get up on the other foot, And instead of coffee, take and drink juice... And turn your usual steps In the direction where it will be more useful. And on this day, do everything differently: Put numbers from end to beginning, And fill the most insignificant trifle with good and high meaning. And do what no one expects, And laugh where you cried so much, And the feeling of hopelessness will pass, And the sun will rise where the rain was dripping. From the circle created by fate, Take it and jump out at the unknown station... You will be surprised - the world is completely different, And life is more unexpected, and more interesting!” Live your life. Go for a walk, meet your friends. Take care of Mom and yourself. Love yourself. My husband also left me 2 months ago for a woman 18 years younger than me. This is the “gift” I received for my 12th wedding anniversary. Everything will be fine.

elsa, age: 40 / 12/28/2012

Natasha, hello! What kind of loneliness are you talking about? Understand, Natasha, this is not loneliness, this is FREEDOM. You have raised children, developed a work history, and now you can afford the luxury of: communicating with whoever I want, doing what I want, reading what I want, watching what I want. Not for show or out of the blue, but simply because you need it, your soul wants it so much. And your soul will want all this when you, Natasha, take your despondency by the scruff of your neck and out the window. And it has settled in you and is growing fat. Why shouldn’t he get fat? You’re feeding him. Like: 30 years of marriage, and now...(you’re not the only one, a whole “army” has already dealt with this); children in another city (again, no reason, I have not only children, but also a mother, and yours is nearby); and as for the prettier and younger 58-year-olds, it’s not even worth looking there. This is the kind of black humor. Do you need it? Natasha, start the fight against melancholy and despondency. These two infections take their roots from our self-pity. We feel sorry for ourselves. As soon as you accept everything that is happening and tell yourself: “Well, it happened and it happened.” All. Regret will not correct the situation. In the end, every hut has its own rattles. We'll survive. Others have survived, and I will survive,” you will immediately feel the first breath of freedom. And when you breathe deeply, you will also rejoice. Of course, you can’t erase 30 years of life from your memory, but if you, Natasha, stop being interested in who made whom happy and fed them with rejuvenating apples, and start living your own life, for yourself, finding positivity everywhere and everywhere, giving it to people, you will feel how the world around you will automatically change. Or rather, you will return to that wonderful time when you were just as easy, positive, until you got successfully married. At least that's how I feel now. Natasha, believe me, life does not end tomorrow. It’s also been a year since my beloved gave me a surprise for my anniversary. Surprising but true. The thought that reminded me of this date did not need to be diligently driven away, it came and went. It just lifted my spirits for some reason. That's how it happens. And so will it be for you!

Vitalia, age: 52 / 12/28/2012

Dear Nata! Fight, for the sake of your mother, for YOURSELF, fight to the end, with your despondency and melancholy. Everything will work out and it will be GOOD. Today I caught myself thinking that the time that we suffer cannot be returned... My story is like everyone else here and about two years have passed and now, rewinding, I think how great it is that I turned to God at the most difficult moment of my life and after all strength appeared and there was a feeling that everything would be fine, I enjoyed motherhood, my second daughter is 2 years old, because of the children, because of my parents and loved ones, and in the end because of myself, I withstood everything that came my way, of course my The story is not as difficult as many, but thank God I survived, and everyone who has already survived will answer you that all this will pass. Fight for your life dear, time flies quickly and you can’t get it back, but you still want to do a lot... And the husband, well, the husband... if he’s happy, let him rejoice, God forbid that he be happy. And you will survive everything, you will endure everything. And the fact that they kicked you out, don’t reproach yourself, if everything was already spinning and spinning there, then he would have left you anyway, or he would have done everything possible so that you would kick him out. If you are still on the path, then after going through a difficult path of mistakes, he will realize everything and will return, but this happens extremely rarely and you should not wait and hope for many years. Live, rejoice, enjoy life and everything will come by itself, peace and joy and strength... And God will not leave you if you ask, but He cannot fix and direct everything just like that at a click, humble yourself and just live, for His own sake, for the sake of your mother, may God grant her to live a long time... Nata, good luck to you, we are all here, next to you and ready to support you in your difficult moment of life. Health to you! Happy Holidays, may the New Year give you hope that everything will still be just GREAT!!!!

@Yulia@, age: 33 / 12/28/2012

Dear Nata! When my husband told me that he had another woman, he really hoped that I would kick him out. But I couldn’t, because it was very hard, I thought he’d come to his senses, he loved him, we lived together for 20 years, my daughter was very attached to him. He, seeing how worried I was, stayed, but went there every day without hiding. Do you think it was easier for me because I didn’t leave? He stayed out of pity. It was many times harder for both me and my daughter. And when he left for work for six months, we breathed a sigh of relief, because the old family was no longer there, and a complete stranger was walking around the house, with whom it was very difficult to communicate, who was constantly irritated, my daughter and I were constantly adapting to him. Accept your current situation, learn to live without your husband, don’t watch how he lives, take care of your mother, she really needs you. Everything that causes your despondency, thoughts, fears, regrets, confess, repent of it. Over time, the pain will subside.

Yuliya, age: 47 / 12/28/2012

Natasha, when I found out about my husband’s mistress, I didn’t deny it, but began to go to her openly. He took a shower, washed, shaved, put on his best clothes and went to her without shame. You can’t imagine what was happening to me while he was tumbling with her. I knelt in front of icons and a lit church candle for 5 hours before his arrival and prayed, sobbing loudly, for his admonition. When he came home and saw my swollen face from tears, he said, “There’s sourness on my face again, I can’t see you anymore.” , I’m tired of it worse than bitter radish. Why does it smell like a candle, did she cast a spell or something?” He lived by his passions and delights of love, and even in a purely human way I couldn’t find words of consolation. He told me that he doesn’t consider himself a scumbag, we’re not the first, we’re not the last. These are her words, he wouldn’t have thought of such an excuse meanness. Would you want this if you decided to endure it further? What would happen to your psyche? You can’t expect anything good from your future life with a traitor; this has already been tested in practice by many women. You no longer love him, but his phantom, his former self is gone, he died... for you. All the words of consolation and advice are very well written on this site. JUST BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING WILL PASS !!! God's help to you!

Sonya, age: 51 / 12/28/2012

Hello, Nata! I read your bitter story, I had the exact same story and addiction, I was lucky, I turned to a psychologist, she helped me get rid of my addiction, and started my life over. Now I have a new hobby (a man is a true friend), and the one about whom I suffered and pined so much has ceased to exist for me. Now I’m even surprised how I could love such a “miracle” for so many years. I hope this helps you too.

Valeria, age: 55 / 12/29/2012

Dear Nata! When we lose something familiar and dear to us, it is very difficult for us all to come to terms with it, it seems that there is no more life, it’s just pain, but we must go through this withdrawal, just as drug addicts go through theirs in order to get rid of addiction. All stages are known: wild pain, devastation and tears, depression, and then suddenly you see with surprise that you are still alive, you can breathe and even slowly move and take the first steps in your new life. It’s just that if one of the stages is delayed, and you don’t have any strength to make this transition yourself, you need to find a specialist who would help you with this and prescribe the appropriate medications. The story with your husband should be over at this stage, no communication out of pity is needed, drug addicts are not given drugs out of pity. And then, there is no need to feel sorry for yourself and put pressure on others to pity them; people cannot sympathize with someone’s grief for a long time, eternal grief is already beginning to cause irritation and a desire to communicate less with the sufferer. When I went through all these stages 2 years ago, I understood that I had no right to grieve for a long time and torment loved ones with my suffering. They also need support, especially the mother, and she is not obliged to wipe the snot of her over-aged daughter in her old age. Her heart is not iron either. Now your life is in your hands, and only you can decide how you will live it: as a person who managed to survive in a difficult situation and became an example of courage and fortitude for many, including your children and grandchildren, who will be proud of their mother and grandmother, or to be an eternally grieving sufferer whom everyone will be tired of feeling sorry for. Betrayal by your husband is a good way to prove to yourself that you are also a person, and you can live with your head held high, and not be someone’s dependent appendage. You still have a lot of things ahead, fighting for your health, meeting new people, interesting books and movies. It’s time to slowly move on, dear Nata. A lot of good and interesting things await you, but the struggle will not be easy, both with the disease and with self-pity. But you will cope and you will help others.

Julia, age: 38 / 12/29/2012

excuse me...here you write...with a young, beautiful, self-sufficient...do you envy her? Leave it alone, if a person CONSCIOUSLY destroys the family and life of another person, then all this beauty and self-sufficiency is just a beautiful package. This is selfishness, hard-heartedness, arrogance, rudeness, this is a CRIME, but how did she live to such years with all this, and is going to continue to live, don’t think about it! This is not our patrimony, but God’s! There is no need to envy scoundrels and traitors, their fate is pitiful. You will love yourself, or rather, your priceless Christian soul. Maybe that’s why the Lord sends such trials and drastic changes in life to shake us up, so that we come to our senses and truly find faith in our souls! So you lived, lived, and the Lord, seeing that time passes and nothing changes in you, life is measured, we are not coming to faith,,, bogged down in sins and cowardice,,, how can we return us, still unreasonable, to the right path? Probably only in such effective ways. The Lord loves us and never leaves us. He desires salvation for us, He cries for every soul, think about it! Go to church, learn about Orthodoxy, do charitable deeds, get to know the parishioners, participate in the life of the parish, there are always a lot of people there who need help. You will feel needed, after a while you will have no time to think about all this! And let them live their lives, they made their choice in the other direction from God and their souls, pray for them, so that God will enlighten them, good luck to you in your new life and don’t think about age...

Inna, age: 46 / 12/30/2012

Natalya, I would advise you to take care of your life for now, and not think about your husband. Even if you are very sick, this does not mean that you should not take care of yourself, smile, etc. Try to start every day with a smile! Be sure to do your hair, tint your lips, get dressed, preen yourself - and get into the public eye! Communicate, take an interest in the lives of other people, find some business or hobby. Just TODAY buy yourself a nice little thing - a chocolate bar, bright mittens, a New Year's toy! You have had a lot of good things in your life, think about it!!! After all, you are not an old maid who has lived her whole life without a man. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!!! And bear the heavy burden of divorce. Try to think positively, and then something will change in life!

Lara, age: 33/12/30/2012

Nata, no one is stopping you from continuing to love your exiled husband. Love him as you love your children who live in another city, or as your girlfriends whom you see sometimes. In fact, you are not suffering from love at all. Look into your soul, find the true cause of your suffering, and honestly, without sparing yourself, expose yourself. Do not think that a person is equal to God, and that God is not able to replace for you what you used from this person. Ask the Lord to give you what you lack after the passing of someone close to you. And whatever you receive, consider exactly what is truly necessary and useful for you. Because it is not given to us to understand how and what is better for us, except through obedience to the will of God. Be sure to start reading church patristic literature, this will also help. Help you, Lord.

Vladimir, age: 40 / 01/01/2013

Nata, believe me, this will all pass! A year of grief and longing after the 30 years that you and your ex lived side by side is negligible to find peace of mind. This period took me 4 years. This same “young, successful” co-worker in my and his work, cast a fishing rod at someone else’s husband, and my (sorry, my ex) crucian carp pecked and swallowed the bait. BM and I lived together for 30 years without one week (he left me a week before our 30th anniversary), we studied together first at a technical school, then at an institute, we worked together, we rejoiced and were sad together, together we endured everything that life sent us. . We got married 8 years ago by mutual consent... When he turned 50, a sudden change occurred in his career - he was offered a well-paid and prestigious position. He was even confused by such a dizzying proposal. My husband, throughout our life together, relied on me in everything and consulted with me even in small things, I helped him a lot with his work and this time I also helped: I encouraged him, assured him that he would succeed, that he would cope with the work offered. The official status of my BM jumped up sharply, and a year later my modest and unassuming husband became unrecognizable: proud, looking down on me, although many issues of his position had to be decided by me (he initially told me that the best candidate for this position was me, but women managers in our industry are not valued). Our unmarried accountant lady, about 50 years old, beautiful, youthful, dressed well, began to hover around him, and my husband liked it. I am 5 years older than my husband, he never paid attention to this, but then jokes began to slip through like “an old pepper shaker” and even “An old wife is like a suitcase without a handle...” etc. And, to be honest, I didn’t look the best compared to this huntress: I had health problems, things weren’t going smoothly for the children either, and this doesn’t add to my beauty. In general, she set out to take him away from the family and achieved her goal. Endless SMS and telephone conversations began, ending when I appeared, lies and unmotivated absences from home, late returns from work... At first I, too, was ready to lie at my husband’s feet with a doormat - just don’t leave! But life with him, arriving after midnight after lovemaking, became such that I realized: either a mental hospital or a cemetery awaited me. From 48 kg I lost weight to 35, even children’s size clothes hung on me. He didn't notice anything, he didn't see me at all. I heard the standard “we haven’t had a family for a long time” and much more from that “gentleman’s set” of false excuses from screwed-up husbands, which I read about on this site. I lost all feminine dignity and twice staged a showdown that turned into hysterics (horror, it’s such a shame now!) in the office of this predator, but in response they said devastating words to me: they say, that’s enough, I lived with a good husband, I need to let others enjoy it too . Moreover, he loves her, and has already decided everything for himself. And if I feel bad about his decision, then I need to go and get treatment from psychologists in a clinic or take pills. Without swearing or scandal, my homewrecker gently consoled me and thrust a glass of valerian into my hands. I endured their relationship for 6 months and could not stand this mockery: I kicked my husband out, as if in a frenzy, collecting all his things and walking him to the car. And then all hell broke loose. This hell, this unbearable pain was with me every minute, day and night. I prayed, lay under the icons for hours, screamed in pain into the pillow, I was dying. At the same time, I had to go to work, where every day I saw happy “newlyweds”, heard the laughter of the homewrecker and her remarks in my presence: “Now I’ll call MY OWN...”, I had to hide my pain from the children who had their own problems, from my mother, who called endlessly and was worried about me, having a bad heart... So 2 years of continuous pain passed. Then my BM got drunk on something, squandered budget money, came under investigation and was disgracedly removed from a prestigious position. He worked in some sharashka for a year, quit, and is now unemployed and drinking. He changed outwardly beyond recognition, became flabby, blurred, and sharply lost his intellect. The one who so brazenly took him away from me stopped “blowing away specks of dust” from her successfully acquired wealthy husband and began to treat him with disdain, and even contempt. And before Christmas this year, my BM suddenly came to “visit” me, pretty drunk, with some new plebeian manners, with sudden mood swings, tried to hug me, said that I had become beautiful (after he left I began to study my health and appearance, I liked the result). The pitiful justification for his action was expressed in childish babble: it wasn’t me, it was she who arranged everything, I didn’t want to... I looked at him and was surprised: because of this little man, unsightly and stupid, I was ready to do anything just to come back? ??? I didn’t want to live without him, I expected his return like a miracle and dreamed of living with him further???? I mentally thanked God that He had arranged everything this way... Perhaps now it was his turn to play the role of “suitcase without a handle.” Nata, believe me, whatever the Lord does is all for the better. “Face to face, you can’t see the face; the big one is seen from a distance.” So the Lord created a distance, and we saw that our beloved men, because of whom we suffered incredibly: proud, lustful, menopausal individuals, who had neither pity nor compassion for those who had been with them for many years. They threw us out of the way, like unnecessary rubbish, and went on, plucking flowers of pleasure from the tree of life. Nata, don’t lose your presence of mind, I’m sure that your triumph will come. You cannot envy those who commit lawlessness. The Lord is merciful and does not send us trials beyond our strength. It means that we are strong women if we are given the power to endure this. Everything will be ok. Much better than in the case that you regret, if your husband remained with you in body and in heart on the other. If your husband remained with you, he would lead you to serious illness and premature death. And so, day after day, step by step, we get out of the darkness of resentment, pain, melancholy... And the Lord helps, and the Mother of God. I wish you strength of spirit and health! Everything will be fine!

Lutetia, age: 58 / 01/08/2013

I thank everyone who responded to my request for help. Dear Lutetia, I want to address you specifically. With your story about overcoming pain and despair, you instilled in me confidence that I too could overcome everything, survive and live on. In my story there is also a woman (mistress) - the chief accountant from his former job. He went to her, and the rest is all like a carbon copy...from 56kg she lost weight to 45kg...and the standard “we haven’t had a family for a long time”, this hell, this unbearable pain.. and my mother, who is worried about me, having a bad heart..A further... time will tell... I believe, I believe that with God's help I will get out of the darkness of resentment, pain, melancholy. God took this man away from me and I NEED to accept and understand this. Thank God for everything!

Nata, age: 56 / 01/10/2013

I know how painful it is, everything inside is burning from this pain... betrayal is betrayal, and you will become even stronger, and maybe this is not the greatest grief, maybe fate has saved you from big troubles, let him go in peace, like I once did someone said “thank you for this”, and you don’t need more, believe me, it will become easier.

Natalie, age: 47 / 12/31/2013

Another year has passed... and there is no longer that unbearable pain, I have not yet been able to forget all this, but can I? Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, I can’t help but think, I miss him, but I firmly decided for myself that he’s a stranger, a stranger to us and we can’t be together. I started thinking about divorce more and more often and will soon file for divorce, just a little more and I’ll make up my mind, we don’t have a future with him. Thank God - I’M LIVING, I enjoy every day. I’m beginning to understand and humble myself that everything is God’s will. I and my children have no contact with him. His relatives accepted her, so we had to give up communication with them, because any information about him causes us pain. According to rumors (sometimes we hear...) he is doing well and is happy (it would be better not to know this) it’s impossible to be sincerely happy for him, he hasn’t gotten sick yet... I thought, no I will survive, and so will you, dear women who come to this site - SURVIVE, I now know that for sure. THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING!

NATA, age: 57 / 01/08/2014

Nata, hello. Thank you very much for your last response. Everything with me is the same as with you, only the official divorce has already taken place and, willy-nilly, I have to maintain the relationship with BM for the sake of my teenage daughter. But for the rest - like a carbon copy - he’s happy, waiting for a new addition to the family, I don’t communicate with his relatives. I, too, have not yet fully recovered and cannot wish him happiness with a clear conscience... I’m working on it... But the fact that life goes on without him is obvious! Hugging you!

sveta_r, age: 41 / 01/11/2014

Hello, Natasha! And I would like to thank you for your last response, because it is very significant. If you are interested in my thoughts about divorce a year ago, here they are. “To serve or not to serve” has exhausted me. Today the first option hangs in the balance, but tomorrow the second one pops up. I was so tired of it that one fine day I sat down and said to myself: “Today you make your final decision and will not return to this issue again.” I calculated my winnings and losses according to two options (naturally excluding all female emotions). This included everything: the material component, the psychological, and, of course, the moral. In my case, many subtleties emerged that could have harmed me if I had gone with my head held high to set a legal point that would give me “supposedly freedom.” And I made a decision - to relax and just live. Today, Natasha, I understand this problem even more deeply: the feeling of freedom is not solved by the stamp in the passport - this is the case, and the most important thing is that a person himself must be responsible for his action from the beginning to the legal end. And as for the sincere joy “for the pigeons”, this is generally from the category of science fiction. How can you be happy for a person who is in captivity? One can only sympathize with him and wish that his liberation would not be as painful as ours. Well, no one knows how long he will serve. So, Natasha, let’s better sincerely ask for them, and let’s learn to enjoy life ourselves!

Vitalia, age: 53 / 01/14/2014

Hello, my dear Nata! Don’t be discouraged, everything will be fine! They say that everything is not done for the better! Dejection is a sin, pull yourself together! Your children and grandchildren need you. Everything will work out for you! Good luck to YOU!

Svetlana, age: 44 / 02/19/2014

Nata, dear, after reading your story, I was very glad that after a year of separation, you were on the mend, I really sympathize with you. My husband also left after 25 years of living together, and in May it will be 2 years since he left the family and I, like you, am still struggling with my feelings, I can say that it has become much easier, but not like from BM I can completely free myself, kill the hope that somewhere runs away and hides inside me and periodically reminds me of itself, or maybe... although with my mind I understand perfectly well that nothing can happen, and he doesn’t try, in 2 years he never asked daughters about me (I simply ceased to exist for him), of course pain is still my traveling companion, but I am already enjoying life. And the Lord is their judge. Nata, it’s hard to immediately destroy such pain inside yourself, because we lived only for the sake of our husbands and children, forgetting about ourselves (I certainly do) and such betrayal is hard to forgive, so I pray every day and ask God to teach me to forgive my husband (for my mistress for now I don’t even pray, the priest said, if not from the bottom of my heart, don’t pray for her yet), that’s how I overcome my pain step by step. Prayers, church and this site help me a lot. Nata, from the bottom of my heart I wish you great patience, endurance and peace of mind. God bless you!

Lyudmila, age: 52 / 02/21/2014

You wrote more than 3 years ago, I came across your letter by chance. Yes, it’s understandable, the pain of losing a loved one. What can I say - survive, live. Philosophers have a saying - a girl can cry about lost love, but a miser cannot cry about lost money. To paraphrase - a woman cannot cry if she left her daughter, for example, in my case. And the light went out, life stopped. I’m 63 years old, I have no friends, I’ve lost acquaintance with them. in response you hear nonsense like get a dog, don’t get hung up, calm down, every person is lonely. solid ear. It’s just that no one needs you, and no one will help you in difficult times.

Larisa, age: 63 / 04/08/2015

Dear Nata. What happened to you happens quite often to many people. Everyone copes with difficult situations in their own way. You are now in a threshold state - this is when you should forget, but resentment, disappointment and, most importantly, melancholy gnaw at you. Many will say that be more with people, in the company of like-minded people, with family and friends. They are partly right, but first of all you must understand the person with whom you have lived for so many years. To understand and to forgive. Each person has his own cross. The important thing is not that he left you, but that you continue to live... I am sure that you have a huge amount of knowledge and experience behind you. You have hobbies and interests that intersect with the interests of other people. Rethink your life, the Lord does not give empty hopes, his goal is to teach us to live fully and receive satisfaction from life. Perhaps now is the time to pay more attention to yourself and the people who need your help. Look around, who surrounds you, what kind of people they are. Listen to your heart and your desires. If you suddenly want to meet a man, then don’t let any prejudices scare you (like I can, because we recently broke up). But in order to start life with a clean slate, turn over the old leaf. Before you start a new life, end your relationship with your ex-husband (understand and put an end to it). YOU NOW HAVE A MOST INTERESTING TIME THAT YOU CAN DEVOTE TO YOURSELF. LOVE PEOPLE AND EVERYTHING THAT SURROUND YOU...GOD GIVE YOU UNDERSTANDING...

Vlad Razumovsky, age: 45 / 06/21/2015

Good night, beautiful stranger. You have everything to enjoy life, there are close people, there are grandchildren and children, there are people who don’t even have this. The fact that you kicked out your husband, you did the right thing, you need to be honest with yourself and other people, over time everything will fall into place your life and yours will be filled with new events, people and meaning, you just spent so much time with another person who occupied a large part in your life, so rehabilitation will not be quick. Now, despite all the pain, you need to understand something important for yourself, return to yourself and accept yourself, and love yourself. You must take with you everything good that happened in your life together. Surely you were happy during these 30 years, there was probably love, friendship, trust, etc. in your relationship.

Ksyusha, age: 36 / 04/03/2016

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Causes of sadness and how to deal with it

Before you fight sadness, you need to find out its cause. Let's look at some of the main causes of sadness, as well as ways to combat it. So, most often the soul becomes sad and lousy for the following reasons:

loss (death of a loved one, divorce, separation);
relationship problems;
melancholy for no apparent reason.

Loss

Perhaps the most difficult test in life is to survive the death of a loved one. It is very painful, difficult and bitter to lose loved ones. But you have to get over it. Usually the first few days after the incident a person is in shock. He cannot fully comprehend what happened.

Then, a week after the tragedy, the person realizes that he has lost a close friend or relative forever. He is overcome by acute emotional and sometimes even physical pain. Over time it fades and becomes a little easier.

It is very difficult to advise anything in such a situation. Recommendations like - find yourself a new activity or look for new experiences - are meaningless. In a state of difficult experience, a person does not want to do absolutely anything. But you shouldn’t immerse yourself entirely in your grief. This will lead to deep depression and mental disorders.

The “black” longing for the departed person should turn into light sadness. This, of course, will require time and effort. First of all, remember those who stayed next to you. These people need you. Pay attention to them.

The pain of loss helps ease work and solving pressing matters. In order not to endlessly chase thoughts about the departed person in your head, immerse yourself in work or a hobby. By the way, when we grieve the loss of a loved one, we feel sorry for ourselves. We cannot imagine life without this person, and therefore we grieve. But we don’t know where he went. Perhaps he is better there than on earth.

Divorce or separation is much easier to cope with than the death of loved ones. Although at first it seems that life is over. It is difficult to imagine your bright future without familiar relationships.

In this case, you need to distract yourself from negative thoughts associated with divorce. If people disagree, it means they don’t like each other in some way. You will still meet a person with whom you will live in perfect harmony. And you will find happiness again.

But you understand perfectly well that sitting at home and mourning the past, you will not find love.

Keep meeting your friends. Add bright emotions and colors to your life. Update your wardrobe, go for a massage, go to the hairdresser, change your image. Gradually you will feel that you are ready for new acquaintances and relationships. Read about how to love yourself on the website.

Relationship problems

If in a relationship you are more often sad than happy, then you should think about ending it. Relationships shouldn't be painful. Discuss your experiences with your significant other. Were you able to find a compromise and solve the problem? Wonderful!

If nothing changes and you still continue to suffer, break this painful connection. Parting will be a difficult test, but in the future it will bring relief and the opportunity to meet true love.

Longing for no apparent reason

Sometimes it happens that everything seems to be fine in life. Everyone is alive and well. But for some reason it became sad and depressing. Although there is no objective reason for sadness, and you don’t understand why your soul feels so bad. Allow yourself to be a little sad and try to find the reason for the blues.

Think that you are doing well. You are healthy, your loved ones are also in good health. You don't have any serious problems. Thank fate for this. And you will immediately feel how you will feel better. Turn on your favorite music, read an interesting book. They will help you distract from unnecessary, unreasonable thoughts.
Perhaps you are simply tired from household chores or work. Give yourself a few days to fully relax. Take some time off from work and go on a short trip.
Gray and monotonous everyday life also spoils the mood. New experiences will help to disperse the melancholy caused by the daily routine. Do something you've never tried before. Provide yourself with new and unique emotions. Go to a concert, go hiking, dance, ski, go for a bike ride. There are a lot of options!
Sadness can also settle in the soul from loneliness. Even the most die-hard introvert needs a friend. Surely you have at least one friend whom you can invite to the cinema or for a walk. If not, try expanding your circle of acquaintances. Sign up for courses, register on the forum that interests you. There are a lot of people in the world. And somewhere your soul mate is wandering.

I recommend watching the following video when you feel sad again.

Consequences of melancholy

When a person is overcome by melancholy and sadness, he is susceptible to fear. He is overcome by sadness and physical and mental exhaustion sets in. A person feels bad about what is happening in his life. He is disgusted, both from the world as a whole and from himself. When he is in this state, it means he is doing something wrong. There is nothing worse than feeling disgusted with yourself.