We can talk about connections between people for a long time. What is the relationship between a man and a woman worth? Many poems have been composed on this topic, novels have been written, and songs have been invented. And psychologists are constantly trying to follow the lives of couples in romantic relationships in order to come up with the next technique for resolving conflicts and reviving faded feelings.
It is worth paying tribute to a technique called “closer-further” (“B-D”). In this article we will understand what the essence of this technique is, for whom it is applicable, and what to do if you feel that you yourself have become a victim of such influence.
“Close-far” technique: what is it?
This technique is a kind of psychological technique that involves either moving away from your partner or moving closer to him. Let's give an example. At the beginning of the relationship, the guy looks after the girl, writes and calls her every day, gives her gifts and does not ignore her literally for a minute. Agree, you get used to good things very quickly. As a result, the girl may well lose interest in the gentleman, taking his advances for granted.
To prevent this from happening, the young man suddenly begins to treat his passion rather coldly. Doesn't invite you to meetings, doesn't write SMS. Moreover, he may not even answer calls. As a rule, a girl, trying to regain her previous affection, will do everything possible: she will begin to take the initiative on her own, she will crave meetings and dates. And so, when the young man’s attention returns, her joy will know no bounds.
In general, the “closer-further” technique is a certain method of manipulating a partner. After all, when you start your game, in most cases you already know how it will end. It would seem that everything is quite simple. But how does this technique actually work?
Stage 6 - Reconciliation.
The man finally achieved what he wanted - they left him unstuck, his personal space was restored. Intimacy in relationships is extremely low.
And now the man has a subconscious fear of being abandoned. He begins to look at this relationship in a positive way. He unconsciously decides that it is better to be in this relationship than to be alone.
The man begins to show attention to the woman again. He can apologize, swear that this won’t happen again, give gifts, pour a bucket of attention on the woman’s head. He will do everything to win her again.
A woman, despite her doubts, still wants to feel loved and desired, and therefore she again lets a man into her life.
And both of them perceive separation as the worst-case scenario, so both begin to contribute to the improvement of relations.
The mechanism of operation of the “B-D” equipment
The common people have already given this mechanism a name: “to fill one’s worth.” Here we cannot do without one more small example. Imagine that you are buying an apartment. The seller shows it to you, telling you about all the advantages. You understand that this is an ideal option - it will be quite difficult to find a better one. The seller simply sees in your eyes that you are ready to pay any money for a home. Perhaps it will even inflate its cost. But don't rush. And suddenly leave, saying that you need to think about it. The seller watches with frustration as he loses a potential buyer. You can bet that they will call you back on the same day and offer you the same apartment at the old price or even give you a discount.
The same thing happens between two partners playing cat and mouse. Sometimes you need to let the person know that you can simply disappear at any moment. But we only think about the value of something when we lose it. So the “closer-farther” technique gives the feeling of losing an important person in life. I would like to note that the “B-D” method is actively used in pickup trucks. But who does technology affect more: guys or girls?
On whom does the “closer-farther” technique have a stronger effect?
Here the opinions of psychologists categorically differ. Some say that the technique was originally inherent in a woman’s head, which is why it is used in most cases by the fair sex. Moreover, they do this unconsciously: it is simply in their genes to play with the chosen one, sometimes letting him in, sometimes moving away.
Others insist that such behavior is typical of men. They say that they, being hunters by nature, retreat when they realize that the victim is already on the hook. Then they become no longer interested, and they begin to conquer another object. We can say that such manipulation works with almost all people. However, there are nuances to using the technique for both girls and boys.
"B-D" for girls
The “closer-further” technique often becomes a lifesaver for girls. It allows you to stir up unprecedented interest in yourself. As mentioned earlier, a man always likes to play the role of a conqueror. It is much more difficult for a young lady to play such a game. After all, it was originally laid down in the genes that she should not take the initiative, but only accept signs of attention.
At first, a woman can fully reciprocate, be open in conversation and do everything so that the chosen one understands that she is disposed towards him. Then the girl introduces a certain chill into the relationship, not always agreeing to come to the meeting. In addition, she can make it clear that besides this guy, she has other gentlemen in her life. The “closer-further” technique with a man works in a similar way, but there are nuances here too.
What if you're scared
Now, when you hear these words, you may be afraid that your relationship with your partner will end.
I understand your concerns perfectly. Moreover, I’m not going to throw sunbeams up your ass and say that as a result of the work you will live happily ever after with your partner.
Important! It is very likely that the result of the work will be the termination of the relationship with your partner. If you work seriously and with the right intention—namely, systematically clearing your mind of debris—you will be completely transformed. And your partner may not be able to stand the new (or new) you.
But you won't worry about that anymore. Regardless of whether your relationship continues or not, you, with your new freedom, unbreakable emotional balance and self-sufficiency, will no longer worry about relationships.
Therefore, even if you are afraid now, there is actually nothing to worry about. You will be fine no matter what happens.
How to overcome your conditioning
Returning to psychological conditioning, it is important to understand that all of them - fear of intimacy, fear of loneliness, etc. - represent a whole meta-problem. Each of them, in turn, is caused by the interweaving of a huge number of subconscious roots.
What subconscious roots are we talking about?
For example, subconscious attitudes from childhood, especially from your relationship with your parents.
For example, if you want to free yourself from the fear of loneliness, you will have to fully work through your relationship with your parents as a child. After all, in many ways, it was your relationship with your parents that predetermined the type of affection you show in relationships with adults...
These are also childhood grievances, fears and anxieties, which partly shaped both this type of attachment and all your attitudes regarding relationships in general.
These are also limiting beliefs about how you need to build relationships with people in order to prevent being abandoned in the first place, all your complexes, all past emotional traumas that led to low self-esteem, all the negative emotions associated with the “closer-further” cycle , such as resentment, guilt, jealousy, anxiety and much, much more. All this needs to be worked through. You need to free yourself from all this.
"B-D" for guys
A man must understand that the “closer-further” technique is a pendulum for girls. Here your task is to first give the young lady what she needs. And we are not talking about the material side. It talks about compliments, attention, help and support in all endeavors, care, affection, guardianship. And every representative of the fair sex needs this, no matter how cold and self-sufficient she may seem at first glance.
Then, when you retreat, she will miss the emotions and feelings that she experienced with you. Therefore, the woman herself will begin to look for meetings. But no matter how similar we are as people, there are clear conditions within which the “closer-farther” technique produces positive results.
How to work through these things
In order to work through these things, you need to engage your subconscious. If you work only on a conscious level, you simply will not get to such deep things as, for example, grievances in early childhood or your unconscious fears.
Therefore, we need a system that would allow us to work through our entire subconscious and eliminate from there everything that forms in you those psychological conditionings that force you to participate in the “closer-further” cycle in a long-term relationship.
There is such a system, and it’s called Turbo Gopher.
Mandatory conditions for B-D equipment
The first prerequisite is that your partner cares. The main thing is not to have illusions and adequately assess the other person’s attitude towards you. You can endlessly win, lose, and think whatever you want, and your significant other won't even know you're having fun.
So, if a young man shows attention to a girl, and she accepts him, he may think that he is now at the “closer” stage. Then, having turned on that “further”, he temporarily stops communication and waits for the lady’s initiative. But the expectations turn out to be in vain - she doesn’t remember the guy. The girl was simply pleased to receive signs of attention from the young man, but she did not agree to more. And when the gentleman suddenly disappeared, she only sighed with relief. Like, there’s one less annoying suitor.
Before you move on to the "further" stage, make sure you've spent enough time in the "closer" stage to hook your partner. Sometimes a few dates are not enough to make the other person feel something. Courtship at the “closer” stage can last a considerable period. It should be enough to melt the heart of the chosen one.
According to many people, the B-D technique is considered cruel manipulation towards another person. They believe that only avid pick-up artists do this, who strive to break as many hearts as possible. But, despite such skeptical opinions, sometimes this technique can help save relationships and even families.
On purpose or unintentionally?
“Closer-further” can occur both consciously and intentionally, and unconsciously. In this post, I am writing only about the first, deliberate option, in which a person specifically uses manipulative tactics to tie you to himself, while perfectly understanding what he is doing and why.
If you want to know what to do if you are caught in a never-ending cycle of getting closer and further away in a long-term relationship with someone who seems to be behaving this way unconsciously, then leave a comment on this post.
If I see that the post “gets” the public, then I will definitely make a second part, where I will talk about the “closer-further” cycle in long-term relationships, and what to do there.
“Closer-further” technique in relationships
As a rule, all relationships begin with a “candy-bouquet” period. Everything seems sublime and beautiful. You expect it to always be this way. Often women come to this thought. The man plays the role of the hunter. And he thinks that he can completely relax when his beloved is nearby. He believes that now it is the girl’s turn to contribute to the relationship. The problem is that a man cannot always stop. And the period when he acts as a “recipient” is prolonged. He doesn’t see when he needs to fuel a woman’s interest in him, so he can lose her.
But it happens when everything happens the other way around. A man extols a woman, in his eyes she is a goddess. Soon his chosen one believes that such behavior is the norm. The young lady will want more, and will not value what she already has. That’s when the “closer-further” technique comes in handy. Crazy tricks, original techniques that cause the lady to experience a pleasant shock, work in this case too.
“B-D” in this case will make it clear to the partner what he can lose and will help him realize the value of the relationship. As soon as one of the members of the couple stops performing the usual functions, the other will immediately feel it. After all, as they say, it is not always obvious when we do something for someone. It becomes noticeable when we stop doing this.
Stage 4 - Repulsion.
The woman, in the grip of her fear of abandonment, now begins to run after the retreating man.
She actively seeks his company and attention.
But a man wants the diametrically opposite - he wants to be alone, to regain his former personal space, which, as it seems to him, is being stolen from him.
Because of this, he begins to push the woman away from him, moving even further away.
Like magnets with one pole facing each other, these two people begin to repel each other the more strongly the closer they are to each other.
The longer this happens, the more clingy a woman seems to a man. This relationship begins to choke the man. He begins to show passive aggression - plays the silent game, criticizes, accuses.
Possible risks of the “operation”
Before moving away from your chosen one, you need to be ready to leave forever, no matter how sad it may sound. It happens that it is in the “further” phase that the partner realizes that your relationship was a mistake - he is even better off without you. This is the other side of the coin, which is present in every psychological technique.
But you shouldn’t be afraid of such an outcome. Think about it: is it worth holding on to something that is leaving you? Perhaps everything is for the better, and you are still destined for happiness with another person? Now that you know about this method, you understand how to counter the near-far technique, or use it only with good intentions.
How can this cycle end?
This cycle can naturally end when one partner overcomes his fear of abandonment, frees himself from the remaining conditioning that holds him in the relationship, and organically changes his behavior.
Then there are three possible scenarios.
In the first case, as a result of discarding past conditioning, a person begins to clearly and clearly realize that the nature of this relationship is unhealthy, and that he no longer needs it. He has no particular desire to tolerate the antics of his partner, and he calmly leaves this relationship.
In the second case, the person throws away his conditioning in the same way... But before he decides to leave this relationship, the partner himself abandons him, this time completely.
Finally, in the third case, the most optimistic, the partner also begins to change and free himself from his fears. In this case, both partners change in the same direction, the “closer-further” cycle is interrupted, and the relationship improves.
