Establishing contact with people: features, techniques, rules and recommendations

Useful connections are a great strength, because thanks to them it is much easier and faster to get what you want. You can’t do without them either in business or in your personal life. No wonder the popular proverb says: “Don’t have 100 rubles, but have a hundred friends.”

True, people who are trying to acquire useful connections are often treated disapprovingly, implying that for the sake of such connections they are ready to mercilessly go over other people’s heads. And some works of art that we study at school only confirm this idea. For example, the hero of Guy de Maupassant's Bel Ami made useful connections by playing on other people's feelings and weaknesses and breaking destinies for the sake of his own career.

The same opinion has been formed about who they say about - “a person with connections.” It is understood that he must be cunning, punchy, selfish, on his own, slippery, etc. He can get everything “even out of the ground,” connect with anyone and solve any problem.

In recent years, as business has developed, attitudes towards people with connections have changed for the better. Everyone understands that useful connections are business connections, without which you can’t get anywhere. For example, according to statistics, 60–80% of directors, managers, administrators, and executives find work through personal connections.

As they say in Germany, connections only hinder those who do not have them.

“At the beginning of my career, there was a word that was said in the right place,” Boris Yuzefovich Krutier.

How to please your interlocutor?

Establishing contact involves three main points:

• Verbal interaction. It implies proper communication with a person. The speech should not contain obscene expressions or swear words. The cleaner and more beautiful it is, the more pleasant it is to listen to it.
• Voice interaction. It is necessary to communicate in a calm tone, carefully pronouncing each phrase. If a person jabbers or swallows half the words, then it will be quite difficult to understand him.
• Visual communication. A pleasant interlocutor must look neat, his facial expression must be friendly, and he must smell good. It is unlikely that anyone will enjoy communicating with an unkempt person.

• Non-verbal communication. This concept refers to gesture technology. If a person constantly fusses, waves his arms and makes sudden movements in an attempt to explain something to his interlocutor, then he will arouse suspicion. Psychologists assure that an open, confident posture promotes trust.

Thus, the technique of establishing contact with a client rests on three main pillars: a neat appearance, competent communication and a beautiful voice. Judge for yourself, who would you trust more? A pleasant person who knows how to convey information correctly or an unkempt person who utters chaotic phrases and makes incomprehensible gestures. Agree, the conclusion is obvious.

Exercises to practice communication skills

Communication skills need to be constantly trained. This is the only way you will learn to communicate easily and freely even with strangers.

If your shyness and timidity do not allow you to even approach a stranger, then you should seek advice from a psychologist. The following exercises will help you practice your communication skills.

Conversation with furniture

Every day tell your table, chair or indoor flower about how your day went, what interesting things happened. Try to hold back your fit of laughter and take this practice seriously.

This exercise will help you express your thoughts coherently, logically and competently, not get confused in them, and also adjust your facial expressions and gestures. If you can’t have a conversation with furniture, then a pet would be an even better listener for this exercise. A dog or cat will always willingly listen to the stories of its owner.

Monologue in front of the mirror

Go to the mirror and start saying out loud the thoughts that come to your mind. Gradually try to connect them logically, consistently developing them to create an interesting story.

This exercise will help you understand how you look from the outside during a conversation, learn how to write coherent sentences and establish contact with yourself. It is enough to exercise for 10 minutes 2 – 3 times a week.

Retelling

Surely you have a favorite blog or site that you read every day - for example, the “In Your Home” blog. This will be very useful when performing this exercise. After reading another article, try to retell it as closely as possible in terms of meaning and logic of construction. If the article is very long, then retell it gradually, in 3-4 paragraphs.

This exercise develops the skill of thinking and speaking at the same time. Thanks to it, your speech will become more coherent and meaningful. To achieve good results, you need to exercise daily.

Development of someone else's thought

The exercise begins by turning on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and continue his thought for the next 30 seconds.

This training develops mental flexibility and teaches you to find non-standard solutions. Exercise 10 minutes a day and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.

5 strangers

The best training for developing communication skills is communication itself. Train yourself to start a casual conversation with five strangers every day. Not less! These could be random passers-by, from whom you can ask the time or clarify the route, a consultant in a store, to whom you turn for advice on choosing a product... In general, there should be no problems with finding strangers. They surround us literally everywhere. You just need to leave the house.

To practice your speaking technique, I recommend you watch this interesting video:

The first stage is the regulation of relationships

Beautiful appearance and competent speech are not enough to establish psychological contact. In order for the meeting to be as productive as possible, there are five more basic steps that need to be taken.

The first stage involves regulating relationships. A person who is in a society unfamiliar to him will feel slight discomfort. The first thing to do is to remove this psychological barrier.

At the first meeting, you should agree more and argue less. Let your opinion be slightly different from the opinion of your interlocutor, you will resolve this disagreement later. Now your main goal is to relieve verbal tension. If the meeting is in a business setting, it is recommended to talk a little about general topics, such as the weather, sports competitions or politics. Here your assessment of what is happening should also coincide.

If after 20 minutes of communication the duration of pauses has decreased and the dialogue has become more productive, then the first stage of the process of establishing and developing contacts between people can be considered completed.

What is psychological contact

Psychological contact is the process of establishing trusting, friendly relationships. It is based on the search for common interests and goals. Psychological contact means a meeting of one person with another; it manifests itself only in interaction.

How many stages does the structure of psychological contact have? Three:

1. Opponents evaluate each other based on appearance and behavior. At this stage, a first impression of a person is formed, people decide whether they want to enter into a dialogue.
2. Mutual interest appears. Participants in the conversation move away from the general group and choose their own topic for conversation.
3. A dyad is formed. The distance between the participants in communication is reduced, they make joint plans, and are drawn to each other.

Stage two - point of contact

At the second stage of communication with the interlocutor, it is necessary to find common ground. The interested person must first find out more information about the person with whom the meeting is planned. Perhaps he is an avid lover of hunting or fishing, collects antiques, or does handicrafts. You can find out everything about his interests on social networks or through mutual friends. You need to talk about your favorite hobby as if by chance.

The second stage can be considered successful if the interlocutor becomes noticeably more animated during the conversation and periodically returns to his favorite topic. Correctly finding common points of contact guarantees fruitful cooperation and a pleasant impression of yourself.

Exercise “Learning to mute projections”

Professional psychology uses the term “projection” when a person tries to attribute to other people qualities inherent in himself. For example, you love the attention of other people and try to make a good impression. At the same time, you can assume that everyone is trying to do everything in order to “show off” in front of others.

All these are stereotypes that arise from the inability to consider a situation from different points of view and deeply understand other people.

It is impossible to suppress projections completely, but they can be muffled. Every time you feel that you are “imposing” your point of view, or in your conclusions proceed only from your own vision, try to engage in a comprehensive analysis of the personality of another. This will help you better understand his motives and desires. We learn to analyze personality according to the following scheme:

Character:

• individual character traits, their manifestation;
• attitude towards career, work and money;

Capabilities:

• Creative skills;
• intellectual level;
• technical ability;

Volitional qualities:

• persistence;
• determination;
• feeling of inner freedom.

Interests:

• common interests;
• hobby;
• destructive tendencies.

Moral qualities:

• attitude towards other people;
• the ability to love and sympathize;
• whether its activities benefit society.

Stage three - establishing a single principle

Establishing a common principle is the most important stage in the communication process. This concept means forming an opinion about your interlocutor. There are several principles on which further relationships can be based.

1. “I’m ready” - a person is a confident person. It is difficult, almost impossible to confuse her with anything. She will perceive any problem not as a limitation, but as a test of her capabilities.
2. “I am open” - a person is completely open to his partner. He does not flatter him and directly talks about his positive and negative qualities. Such a psychological object will not say that he will always arrive on time, he will say that he, like everyone else, has human qualities that he cannot control (there will be no vehicle flight, the alarm clock will not ring, a pipe will burst at home, etc.). d)
3. “I'm straight” - a person always tells the truth about everything and never embellishes to make himself look better.

All of the above principles play a positive role in the process of establishing contacts between people. There are several principles due to which the interlocutor may form a negative opinion.

1. “I am reserved” - a person has difficulty making contact, he does not want to provide information about himself and is not ready for a productive dialogue.
2. “I’m not sure” - a person will always doubt his abilities; he will not be able to give an affirmative answer to any question.

Such qualities will allow the interlocutor to understand what kind of person is sitting in front of him, and whether he will have a desire to continue communicating with him.

Are useful connections important for your career?

According to research by the large American company IBM conducted in the 90s of the last century, 60% of career success depends on personal connections. The company's HR expert believes that this trend has continued to this day. In his opinion, one cannot build a career on professionalism alone. In order for an employee to “grow”, it is necessary to be known about him, to be valued and to tell others about his successes. After all, we can say that success that went unnoticed and did not receive publicity does not exist.

Stage four - pitfalls

The fourth stage begins when the process of establishing business contact has dragged on for several days. With close proximity, partners will begin to notice that they know incomplete information about each other. You can find out the truth about these “pitfalls” only by acting as an initiator. For example, it seemed to you that the person with you was not direct and open enough. Ask him a provocative question and carefully analyze his reaction. This method will quickly dispel all possible doubts.

Causes of poor communication

Lack of ability to establish contacts can occur for a number of reasons:

• Stereotypes. Stereotyped perception of the world around us, lack of specific objective information regarding people or situations.
• Personal animosity. When people have bad relationships, it is difficult for them to reach consensus.
• Prejudice. Based on egocentrism, when a person recognizes exclusively his own point of view.
• Neglect of facts. This occurs due to insufficient competence and the habit of making hasty conclusions.
• Lack of interest on the part of the interlocutor. The indifferent attitude of a partner does not contribute to building a dialogue.
• Speech errors. The lack of ability to correctly voice your thoughts is a stumbling block (hasty, poor vocabulary, weak persuasiveness or illogicality).
• The communication tactics and strategy are chosen incorrectly.

What is it for?

It’s worth talking separately about why you need to develop this connection in the process of communication:

1. It is important to know the techniques and ways of establishing contact with the client in order to gain his trust. A properly organized conversation will put him in a positive mood - this is the basis of a productive relationship.
2. These qualities are essential during an interview. A person who is neatly dressed, speaks well and has positive communication principles has a better chance of getting this job.
3. Every businessman should know about the process of establishing and developing contacts. Proper communication will have a huge impact on his performance. Who would want to cooperate with an ignoramus who is unpleasant to communicate with?
4. Proper organization of relationship building is necessary for every person. After all, every day people closely interact with other individuals in shops, restaurants, transport and other public places. “Quality” communication creates a positive opinion about yourself.

Why is it worth making acquaintances and communicating with people?

Do you think our environment greatly influences us? Remember how carefree we were as children and how easy it was to make acquaintances. But then they began to unconsciously learn from others and the media how to behave “correctly.” How much have we changed? 100%, with rare exceptions. Our environment has a huge influence on us. As one popular business consultant says:

“Show me the 5 people you spend the most time with and I'll tell you how rich you are”.

The same applies to health, relationships, level of education and other areas of life. Therefore, it is very important to know how to communicate with new people in order to make acquaintances with those who will be useful to you and will make your life better.

Of course, you can resist the influence of your environment. But still, the people with whom you spend your time influence and change us more strongly. And that is why you need to choose your environment yourself, and not leave everything to chance.

Feedback

Feedback is another technique for establishing contact. This approach will allow you to form the right opinion about your interlocutor.

• You need to pay attention to how a person answers the question posed. If he looks into your eyes, this indicates that he is extremely interested, the topic of communication is really close to him. A languid glance at the furnishings in the room or at the window indicates a lack of interest.
• It is a very good sign if a person takes some notes in a notebook during a conversation. This suggests that he approaches negotiations responsibly. You should pay attention to what points he focused his attention on as much as possible.
• During negotiations, various barriers will appear. For example, a person will not understand the decoding of various terms and formulations. It's a good sign if he asks a lot of questions and tries to get to the bottom of the conversation.

Feedback is a very subtle psychological approach. If you want to create a good impression of yourself, it is important to pay attention to these nuances in advance.

How to easily make useful connections

First of all, we need to decide what we want

For example: go to work abroad, change the type of activity, achieve career growth, etc. Based on this, a further strategy is developed. You need to ask yourself three questions: who can help me implement my plans, where can I meet the people I need, and what can I give them in return?

You can make acquaintances with useful people in foreign language courses

Or during classes in the sports section, at an exhibition, a book forum, on a train-plane, or just in company. The main thing is to imagine where the people we are interested in are “found” in order to intersect with them.

Using the Internet

You can acquire a large number of useful connections thanks to the Internet without even leaving your home. The many groups united by a wide variety of interests that have been created on social networks offer great opportunities for choosing new acquaintances. Unfortunately, not many people can master the art of making new acquaintances and conducting small talk. Virtual relationships allow a person to feel free and encourage communication. In the future, virtual connections may well develop into real ones.

Experience shows that useful connections are often made completely by accident.

In the end, all the people who surround us can turn out to be our new useful acquaintances at any moment. But “no water flows under a lying stone,” so in any case, personal initiative is important. Here we can recall an anecdote about a believer who for a long time asked the Lord to help him win the lottery and eventually turned to him with reproaches for not heeding his pleas. To which the Lord replied: “Have you bought at least one lottery ticket?”

Be neat

Nobody likes to meet people who are unkempt and unkempt, even if they may be helpful. Our appearance is our calling card.

Psychologists believe that a person needs only 7 seconds to evaluate a stranger and “judge him” - who he is: a possible friend, a competitor, or he can be ignored. This is the so-called first impression. Therefore, hoping to make a useful acquaintance, and, as we mentioned, it can happen anytime and anywhere, you should not neglect your appearance.

Nobody wants to stay in a relationship with a person if he is not interesting.

Many, obviously, had to meet people with a very attractive appearance, but a poor inner world. And vice versa, people with physical disabilities, who at the same time were the soul of the company. Someone who has a wonderful sense of humor, is a good storyteller and can maintain a casual conversation, is friendly and responsive, always attracts people to him, has a large circle of acquaintances and has useful connections.

The choice of new acquaintances must be approached selectively

Many people, trying to acquire as many useful connections as possible, spread themselves too thin . Finding themselves at an event or presentation, they collect business cards from everyone they can, but the next day they cannot really remember any of their owners.

It is worth considering that all new acquaintances are easily forgotten

Therefore, for them to be truly useful, they need to be supported . And this, as you know, takes time. Therefore, when counting on new useful connections, you need to think about whether there is a need for them and whether they will be worth the time spent on maintaining them?

However, you can’t narrow your circle of acquaintances too much.

After all, in the end, we need useful connections not only in business life, but also in private life. Therefore, we should not focus only on people of the same profession as us. We look for the same useful connections when we need a dentist, hairdresser, plumber, or teacher.

By the way, not so long ago useful connections were called “blat” - “through connections” people bought furniture, got a job, went to college, went to the hospital. In essence, “blat” was the same useful connections. Although, of course, this word carried a negative charge, since it implied the receipt of certain benefits not through personal merit, but bypassing others - “through the back door.”

Useful connections need to be established in advance, even before they may be needed.

Moreover, it is important that both parties express such a desire. We cannot count on the fact that we will be constantly provided with services in response to our requests for help, while we ourselves will evade any obligations. That is, you cannot treat useful connections as a consumer, simply using other people to achieve your goals. As they say, you need not only to take, but also to give: “Debt is worth paying.”

But you shouldn’t go too far - having done a favor for someone, immediately hint to the person that it would be nice to “pay back”: “You - for me, I - for you!”

Speaking about the benefits of useful connections, we can rather recall the words of the Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

“People are born to help each other, just as a hand helps an arm, a foot helps a leg, and the upper jaw helps a lower one...”

Appearance

The most effective way to establish contact during negotiations is to create an attractive image. It is not advisable to dress up in the most expensive suits for an interview. It is important that the image is discreet and neat.

A woman is recommended to wear a stylish dress to negotiations that will highlight all her advantages and hide the flaws of her figure. Another good option is a formal suit. Under no circumstances should clothing show off legs or chest. Such a depraved image is unlikely to inspire confidence in the interlocutor. Hair should be styled as much as possible. It is necessary that the makeup is not provocative, but, on the contrary, emphasizes the natural beauty of the face. For manicure, you should choose discreet varnishes.

A man is recommended to wear a business suit to a meeting. A great alternative would be classic jeans with a shirt. It is not at all necessary that the clothes be from an elite designer. Usually interlocutors pay attention to the quality of shoes and watch brand. An accessory can create a special impression about a person.

We should also talk about the color palette. For an interview, it is not recommended to combine several bright shades. For example, if the blouse or shirt is bright, then accessories, trousers or skirt and shoes should be in a neutral shade.

Stage 2. Expanding your social circle

As strange as it may sound, to become more sociable, you need to communicate more. There are a few simple techniques that can move you in this direction.

Change your routine habits

Visit different stores, take new routes to work, dine in different cafes. Even during working hours, when going to the toilet, you can go up to another floor or go to the opposite end of the corridor. Every day you will see new faces, and this is a great opportunity for dating and communication.

Use social networks

Many people underestimate social networks, not realizing how often virtual communication leads to very promising real acquaintances. The main thing is not to be shy about inviting people to meetings, you can even offer to meet in a small group (if it is a group associated with common interests).

Don't mince your words

Often we limit ourselves to a simple “Please!” when we helped a colleague, or “Thank you!” when we received help. But it’s much better to say “Please! I’m sure you would help me too!” or “Thank you! And please contact me if you need help!” Phrases like these break through barriers and bring people together.

Combine business with pleasure

An interesting and exciting activity may well serve as a catalyst for new friendships. You can sign up for courses or trainings where there will be people with the same interests. Joint activities are an excellent opportunity to meet new people and start communicating. There are also special interest clubs that anyone can join, for example, there is a club for those who like to play “Mafia” in almost every city.

Invite and accept invitations

Like in the movie “Always Say Yes!” Do not refuse invitations when you are invited somewhere, and also try to invite someone yourself. This is a great way to become more sociable without creating an uncomfortable environment for yourself. You can choose how you spend your time. At best, it will be a pleasant date or a friendly conversation, at worst, it will simply be a valuable communication experience.

Don't be afraid to hear "No"

We are designed in such a way that every “No!” burns us. Therefore, adults experience panic fear of rejection and miss a lot of opportunities in life. But you don’t have to be afraid of the word “no.” Start breaking your usual behavior patterns. When you see a cute stranger (or stranger) at a bus stop, don’t hesitate to start talking. Even if the acquaintance does not work out, you will not lose anything, but will only gain valuable experience.

In conclusion, let's discuss such a simple, but at the same time such a complex question:

Non-verbal communication

Nonverbal communication plays an important role. Psychologists call it hidden dialogue. The way a person behaves during a conversation can reveal a lot. For example, if he sits with his hands folded, he is most likely closed or hiding something. An open, relaxed posture indicates his readiness to communicate.

You should be wary if a person is nervous. This may indicate that he is not confident in himself or is hiding something. The following signals will be helpful: if the interlocutor begins to finger something in his hands, for example, actively fiddling with a clothing button or a teaspoon.

You need to carefully examine your facial expression. It’s a huge plus if a person has a friendly smile on his face. This is a sign that he is committed to productive communication.

My recommendations

When establishing contact, it is important to correctly combine the naturalness of your behavior and the desire to please your opponent. This is especially important if you plan to build friendships, romance, or long-term business relationships. If you just need to sell something, make a deal, then it is acceptable to pretend to be who they want you to be. How to maintain your uniqueness and not alienate a person in all other cases?

First of all, don't be afraid to push back. Be yourself. Although this is not always true. The habit of insulting, humiliating, being rude, and interrupting will alienate anyone and disgust you. But pretending is not the answer. If you want to learn how to establish trusting relationships, then you need to change the negative qualities in yourself.

At the same time, if, due to your temperament and personality type, you do not like to actively communicate or avoid tactile contacts, are restrained in your emotions, then you do not need to squeeze all this out of yourself. Better, on the contrary, tell us about it. Unobtrusively, for example, like this: “I envy you a little, you are so open and easy to communicate. This is hard for me. Maybe you can give me some of your advice?”

As for finding common interests, always try to understand your opponent. If we are talking about something that you don’t know at all, then ask additional questions: “what is it like?”, “what can it be compared to?” It would be nice if, having grasped the essence of the matter, you clarify: “So for me it’s like...?” At this moment, you express interest in the inner world of a person, and look for commonality, and reduce the distance, and are already beginning to unite.

Establishing contact with the child

We should also talk about establishing contact with the child. If you do this correctly, you can noticeably get closer. There are several effective psychological methods to improve interaction. Among them are the following:

• Intense rhythm introduces its own rules into our lives. Mothers are engaged in building their careers, appearance, household chores and other useful things. No matter how hard it is, it’s worth setting aside at least one hour a day to communicate or play with your baby.
• You should communicate with your son or daughter as calmly as possible, without raising your tones. If a parent constantly scolds his offspring, then there is a high probability that he will grow up to be an introverted person.
• You just need to love your child. Read books with him, go for walks, clean the house, cook together and just chat. Even the most qualified nanny with a pedagogical education cannot replace the care of a beloved mother.

Establishing contact with a child is really very important. It promotes the formation of trusting relationships between close people, which is important.

Don't be afraid to take the conversation in your direction.

How to communicate with new people correctly? The way you want it: you can listen to your interlocutor, or you can conduct the conversation yourself. If everything is simple with the first option, then what about the second? What does it mean to have a conversation and how to do it effectively?

Let's talk about it.

Are you interested in listening to people who passionately talk about something? Surely yes. We usually get caught up in the enthusiasm and energy these people exude when talking about their favorite topics. Even if the topic was not too interesting to us initially.

Therefore, if you want to seize the initiative in the conversation and lead it in your direction, feel free to do so. Unobtrusively take the conversation in a direction that interests you and talk about it with enthusiasm.