How to learn to communicate with people: rules of effective communication and practical exercises

Communicating with people around us is one of the important skills that we encounter every day. Communication skills are acquired and formed in childhood, and then, depending on personal experience and the people around them, they are transformed, improved or degraded. Not every modern person knows how to build relationships with people not only successfully, but also on a mutually beneficial basis. It is important to have not only analytical skills, but also to know what the rules and secrets of this process are.

But all this primarily depends on the person himself. For some it is easier, for others it is harder. The problem of relationships with people will always be acute in modern society, and this topic will never cease to be studied by all kinds of psychologists and sociologists - and all because it is a real treasure trove of new ideas and theories that allow us to learn more about society as a whole, and about each person specifically.

Let's look at the rules and secrets of successfully building relationships with people around you based on the recommendations of practicing psychologists.

Why can't I communicate?

Most often, the inability to successfully communicate with other people is based on problems in the field of psychology. It can be:

• shyness;
• low self-esteem;
• fear of “blurting out” something stupid;
• fear of expressing your opinion;
• problems with diction (lisp, stuttering, burr, etc.).

The causes of these problems often stem from childhood, when communication skills are just being formed. Here are some of the factors that can lead to communication problems:

1. Rooted complexes.
2. Serious emotional shock.
3. A long period of loneliness due to various circumstances, and as a result - social degradation.
4. Severe restrictions on communication with peers (parents did not let the child leave the house, did not allow him to communicate with other children).

These are all quite serious reasons that require careful and long work with a psychologist. They manifest themselves in the fact that a person cannot even adequately respond to an appeal to him. He withdraws, hides, and can run away.

If a person can carry on a conversation, but does not consider himself a good conversationalist, then this skill can be practiced. There are a lot of different personal development trainings. They, of course, can inspire, but without regular practice, the theory is meaningless. That is why I have selected the most interesting and effective exercises for you. But before we get started, let's learn the basic rules for successfully communicating with people.

Patterns of behavior in relationships.

Patterns (or strategies) of interactions in relationships differ. Basically, the centers of their differences are the goals set by each person, the methods of achieving them, and the peculiarities of influencing each other in the process. In total, there are 5 main tactics.

Cooperation.

In cooperation, people's goals can be both common and different, but not contradictory. At the same time, the participants necessarily help each other move towards the end point, not forgetting about their needs and guidelines. This is the best option for interaction, as it allows you to take care of another person without violating your own principles. And the result is a goal achieved.

In order for cooperation to be effective and to take place at all, it is important to observe the 5 components of a healthy relationship, which have already been written about in the first paragraph. In addition, it is based on complete reciprocity, since the efforts of one party will not be enough. Then cooperation will turn into altruism, which will be discussed later.

Individualism.

Individualism is movement towards personal goals without taking into account the interests and needs of a partner. In this case, the landmark or end point may be identical. However, partners, despite the benefits of working together, prefer to move alone.

A typical example is the heads of competing companies. They can join forces and enter into a partnership to achieve more together. However, they choose competition to single-handedly take first place in their niche. Individualism is also chosen by both parties if one of them refuses to cooperate when the other has a desire (refusal of altruism).

Compromise.

In modern psychology, in contrast to the theories of the twentieth century, it is generally accepted that compromise is not a solution to the problem. This is a mutual voluntary sacrifice of part of one’s interests for the sake of the “common good.” How does this manifest itself in everyday life?

• Conditions . Spouses have different interests and weekend plans. The wife wants to go to the theater or any other cultural institution together. My husband wants to relax in nature.
• Solution . As a result of the conversation, the spouses agree to compromise - to spend some weekends according to the woman’s plan, others according to the man’s plan.
• Problem . Every second weekend, one of the spouses is forced to endure an unloved activity. Over time, the situation heats up, discontent accumulates, it becomes harder to adapt, and conflicts arise.

There are two solutions: either the spouses find an option for cooperation, that is, they avoid sacrifices (for example, she goes to the theater with her friends, he goes on a hike with colleagues), or constant quarrels will lead to a breakup or a negative form of the relationship.

Altruism.

Altruism in this context is helping an opponent achieve his goals while ignoring or abandoning his own. That is, this is one-sided assistance, making their altruist a victim of the situation at his own request.

Usually, the patience and selflessness of altruists do not last long in personal relationships and do not appear at all in business relationships. The only exceptions are spiritual, consciously platonic, sublime relationships. However, they appeal to few people.

Rules for successful communication

The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the most effective basic communication techniques and rules that will help introverted and shy people become excellent conversationalists. These rules remain relevant to this day.

1. Genuinely showing interest in other people. Often we find it more pleasant to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to your interlocutor. But don't turn the conversation into an interrogation with bias. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you must experience genuine interest in your interlocutor.
2. Smile. A person who smiles evokes positive feelings in us. Even if we don’t know him personally. During a conversation, your smile is proof that the interlocutor is pleasant to you and you like talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but also with your eyes, soul, and heart.
3. Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always address others by their first and middle names if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his originality and uniqueness. This is the simplest compliment you can give someone. Just call him by name.
4. Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often they simply wait for their turn to speak and do not try to listen and understand what they are told. Especially during an argument. If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use phrases that he said earlier during the conversation, then you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing your interlocutor is much more important than speaking.
5. Interesting topics for conversation. Talk about topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and finding out about them is quite easy and simple, using rule No. 1 - showing sincere interest. When a person talks about something exciting, his eyes light up. Even if this topic does not seem particularly interesting to you, still try to listen. Surely you can learn something valuable and interesting for yourself.
6. Compliments. Each of us has unique characteristics that are worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in your interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, and praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falseness always feels good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.

Useful tips for those who want to communicate well

The 6 rules of successful communication considered are the basis, without which it will be quite difficult to win over your interlocutor. In addition to these rules, I want to give you a few more tips that will help in communicating with people.

1. Maintain eye contact with the other person during the conversation. Your gaze should be open and friendly, not depressing or putting pressure on your interlocutor. Practice in front of a mirror if you are not sure that you can look another person in the eyes correctly.
2. Always try to keep your back straight and your shoulders back. This is a powerful signal that you are open to communication and are not afraid to engage in dialogue. A confident gait and gestures will complement your image of a successful person.
3. If you just can’t get rid of shyness and excessive restraint when communicating with unfamiliar people, try to imagine that this is your old acquaintance whom you just haven’t seen for a long time. As a result of such a pleasant experience, your gaze will become softer, your gestures and posture will become more open and friendly. Taken together, this will help to win over the interlocutor and erase unnecessary psychological barriers that make communication difficult.
4. Develop attentiveness and sensitivity towards your interlocutor. Learn to read the emotions and reactions of your dialogue partner. This will help guide the conversation in the right direction. Also, remember as much information about the interlocutor as possible. Subsequently, you can show your interest in him. This will flatter any person.
5. Expand your horizons. Read different books to have something to talk about and tell. Be interested in what is happening around you. Then you will become an interesting interlocutor, capable of maintaining a conversation on any topic. A broad outlook is an integral attribute of a person.

To remain a pleasant conversationalist with whom people enjoy communicating, you should never:

• complain about fate and discuss your problems;
• use obscene language, speak poorly of mutual friends and spread gossip;
• harshly criticize your interlocutor, say that he is wrong and stupid for thinking so;
• choose topics for conversation that are interesting only to you.

So, we got acquainted with the basic rules and tips. Now it's time to move on to practice. After all, theory without practice will not be of any use.

Relations of production

One type of formal interpersonal relationship is industrial relations. They are regulated by the labor code - a list of laws establishing the rights and obligations of the employee and employer. Thus, the employee is assigned the following responsibilities:

• Arrive at your workplace on time;
• Perform official duties;
• Observe safety precautions at work;
• Work according to a schedule, at strictly allotted times (standard working day is 8 hours).

The director has the right to punish a worker for failure to comply with rules, duties, and job descriptions. The first time he may limit himself to a verbal warning, the next time a fine, reprimand, or dismissal from work will follow.

At the same time, in addition to the duties, the employee has certain rights:

• For timely payment of wages;
• Providing regular leave;
• Providing sick leave;
• Receiving bonuses for hard work and exceeding production standards.

Industrial relations are regulated on the basis of law; the main document of an employee is his work book.

Exercises to practice communication skills

Communication skills need to be constantly trained. This is the only way you will learn to communicate easily and freely even with strangers.

If your shyness and timidity do not allow you to even approach a stranger, then you should seek advice from a psychologist. The following exercises will help you practice your communication skills.

Conversation with furniture

Every day tell your table, chair or indoor flower about how your day went, what interesting things happened. Try to hold back your fit of laughter and take this practice seriously.

This exercise will help you express your thoughts coherently, logically and competently, not get confused in them, and also adjust your facial expressions and gestures. If you can’t have a conversation with furniture, then a pet would be an even better listener for this exercise. A dog or cat will always willingly listen to the stories of its owner.

Monologue in front of the mirror

Go to the mirror and start saying out loud the thoughts that come to your mind. Gradually try to connect them logically, consistently developing them to create an interesting story.

This exercise will help you understand how you look from the outside during a conversation, learn how to write coherent sentences and establish contact with yourself. It is enough to exercise for 10 minutes 2 – 3 times a week.

Retelling

Surely you have a favorite blog or site that you read every day - for example, the “In Your Home” blog. This will be very useful when performing this exercise. After reading another article, try to retell it as closely as possible in terms of meaning and logic of construction. If the article is very long, then retell it gradually, in 3-4 paragraphs.

This exercise develops the skill of thinking and speaking at the same time. Thanks to it, your speech will become more coherent and meaningful. To achieve good results, you need to exercise daily.

Development of someone else's thought

The exercise begins by turning on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and continue his thought for the next 30 seconds.

This training develops mental flexibility and teaches you to find non-standard solutions. Exercise 10 minutes a day and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.

5 strangers

The best training for developing communication skills is communication itself. Train yourself to start a casual conversation with five strangers every day. Not less! These could be random passers-by, from whom you can ask the time or clarify the route, a consultant in a store, to whom you turn for advice on choosing a product... In general, there should be no problems with finding strangers. They surround us literally everywhere. You just need to leave the house.

To practice your speaking technique, I recommend you watch this interesting video:

Formal relations

Formal relationships are official interpersonal relationships that are subject to certain rules established from the outside. They are subject to a certain order of interaction, where each participant in the relationship has his own role. Official (formal) relationships include relationships between: an officer and soldiers, a student and a teacher, a foreman and a worker, a restaurant administrator and a waiter, a director and a secretary.

Examples of formal relationships

Thus, all interpersonal relationships, the rules of which are documented, are considered formal.