Man is a social being, but not everyone and not always want to talk to people. If you avoid public places, new acquaintances, and try to spend time alone as much as possible, then this article is for you. Here you will find out why you don’t want to communicate with people and what to do about it.
Appearance Features
A closed person in most cases is distinguished by thinness rather than fullness and density. His face is elongated, his head is often ovoid in shape, his nose is straight, his profile is “angular” (observed due to some shortening of the chin). The relationship between a long face, a thin figure and introversion is quite high. However, such a combination does not always indicate closedness. Overweight people also belong to the category of schizoids, but much less frequently.
How to help a misanthrope
Psychologists suggest that such individuals can radically change their attitude towards humanity only with the appearance of true love or their own child in their lives. Despite the lingering hatred and contempt for all people, instinctive paternal or maternal feelings will inevitably break out sooner or later and, perhaps, somewhat soften the attitude of a person who does not like society and opposes himself to it.
Living together with such a person, many try to somehow influence the misanthrope’s worldview and correct his character. In some cases this actually works. It is enough to show the misanthrope that he is not so different from other people, that he also has his own advantages and disadvantages, needs and weaknesses.
Nevertheless, some character traits that appeared during the formation and development of personality will remain with the misanthrope, in all likelihood, until the end of his life. Examples of such traits are pride, vanity, swagger and arrogance. It is important to remember that even a person who does not like people has the right to happiness and peace.
Basic values, interests
The inner world is the main wealth of introverts. The character traits of schizoids are such that they are constantly immersed in themselves. The opposite is hyperthymic, open to everything that happens around them. Closed people value their inner world very much, but they often do not care about the external world, since it seems rougher and more primitive than their own fantasies, dreams, and thoughts.
The eminent German psychologist and physician Kretschmer compared introverts to Roman villas, whose facades are very simple, the windows are closed, and rich feasts take place inside. Thanks to this colorful metaphor, he emphasized that the difference between the dull appearance of representatives of this character and their inner world is extremely great. In contrast to hyperthymia, an uncommunicative person is characterized by restraint and secrecy. It is impossible to tell from him what “feasts” are taking place in his soul.
Who are misanthropes
Misanthrope is a synonym for misanthrope in Greek, and comes from two words, respectively: “man” and “hatred.” Misanthropes do not show the usual interest in society, try to avoid the company of other people whenever possible, and can be aggressive in behavior.
If we consider misanthropy as a disease, then its definition will sound like rejection and a feeling of hatred towards all of humanity, moral principles, as well as the rules of behavior established in society. This term quite succinctly expresses the essence of the life position of a person who does not like people.
Communication
A closed person in a group generally stays aloof and prefers to remain silent. His contacts are usually limited to a small circle of friends and relatives. Such people are reluctant to talk about themselves, and you can often hear that information has to be literally “pulled out of them with pincers.”
It is not surprising that schizoid people have difficulty communicating. The secrecy is explained by the reluctance to share one’s own experiences. Introverts do not feel the need to contact the outside world, because they are quite comfortable alone with themselves. As one poet put it, they seek to “wrap themselves in the silk of their soul.” On the other hand, communication really poses a particular difficulty for them, since schizoids feel awkward and inept in the process of communication.
Kretschmer cited another vivid metaphor, where he compared a closed individual with a ciliate, cautiously approaching an unfamiliar object and observing it from behind half-lowered cilia, hesitantly extending its tentacles, and then immediately withdrawing them.
Despite the natural desire to isolate themselves, a shy person sometimes suffers from a lack of communication. This is especially common in childhood and adolescence.
How to determine isolation
Open, sociable people are called extroverts, their opposite is introverts. The latter often live in harmony with themselves and do not worry about their isolation - they are comfortable alone. But this is not always the case: behavioral and character traits bring a lot of inconvenience to unsociable people. If a person is uncomfortable being who he is, psychological problems appear. To get rid of them requires serious work on yourself.
How does isolation manifest itself? Unsociable person:
- has difficulty expressing feelings and thoughts;
- does not know how to defend his point of view;
- has difficulty understanding and empathizing with others;
- does not know how to make new acquaintances;
- afraid of offending the interlocutor or being misunderstood.
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Emotional background
The experiences of closed people are unique and sometimes seem paradoxical to others. On the one hand, introverts are distinguished by restraint and coldness, on the other hand, they are vulnerable and emotional. Schizoids show an acute reaction to everything that affects their own values. Often this is a spiritual response to injustice, rudeness, disorder.
Currently, the so-called emotional intelligence is being actively discussed. One of its signs is understanding the feelings and moods of others. This is a trait that many introverts cannot boast of. Closed people, of course, suspect that certain feelings are raging within you, but they must be informed about this. They rely on what is said, while not paying attention to intonation and facial expression.
Help from a psychologist
How to deal with isolation if you want to let new people into your life? Sometimes your own efforts are not enough, and the attempts made are ineffective, which makes the situation worse. In this case, the help of a psychologist is required. The specialist will ask you about everything that worries you and listen to your fears and concerns. Together with a psychotherapist, you will see the reason for failures in communicating with people. Sometimes one consultation is enough to understand how to behave in order to stop being withdrawn and uncommunicative. If the situation is complex, more meetings will be required.
As a professional, I am ready to work with you to understand the current situation and help you learn to communicate with people easily and with pleasure. Communication brings happiness, it is an irreplaceable element of social life - let's take a step towards it together!
Features of lifestyle, attitudes, activities
The inner world of introverts is orderly, and they expect the same from the outer world. Their way of thinking and internal organization are reflected in all their actions. For example, they find it easy to accept rules and follow them. They achieve success in the professional field where they are prescribed to act in a certain way. Any deviation from the norm causes irritation in introverts.
At the same time, serious contradictions often arise at work. The desire of a schizoid to always follow instructions can result in accusations of formalism. At the same time, the above qualities of introverts are simply irreplaceable, for example, in military affairs or in financial management.
The psychology of behavior of a person who is closed in on himself turns an argument with him into an unbearable process. And all because the introvert is captive to plans, schemes, forms, words. This is reflected in the fact that mental constructs and theories are more convincing and valuable to him than specific life facts. For this reason, schizoids often find themselves in opposition, preferring not to mix with fashion, the opinions of others, or mass movements. Keeping their distance is not difficult for them. Introverts are often surrounded by an atmosphere of mystery; they are considered originals with a touch of aristocracy.
Psychology of schizoid children
These inhospitable and gloomy representatives of the younger generation react very weakly or not at all to criticism from adults. They prefer to avoid large companies and noisy games. Due to a lack of interest, problems with academic performance may occur. At the same time, the withdrawn child behaves in such a way as if he is constantly waiting for some kind of trick from those around him. As a rule, children of the schizoid type are distinguished by a strong attachment to their mother and have a hard time being separated from her, even for a short time. This is explained by the manifestation of fear of being forgotten and abandoned.
Some people mistakenly draw an analogy between withdrawn and shy children. At the same time, the former do not want to communicate with others, while the latter, on the contrary, need communication, but do not know how to make contact.
Difficulty interacting with others
Introverted people often do not make the impression they expect. This makes it inconvenient when interviewing for jobs and meeting new people. Lack of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived as a reluctance to communicate, while often we are talking about inability. A quiet, uncommunicative person would like to show a different side of himself, but he does not have the necessary skills: he does not know how to chat about trifles, does not have time to respond to a joke, or does not understand at all that the interlocutor is being ironic.
Unsociable people have a hard time making friends. It's good to have a childhood friend who accepts you for who you are. But making new friends becomes difficult: how to open up to strangers if you are not used to doing so? In a new company, introverts remain silent, afraid to say something inappropriate or fearing that their story will seem uninteresting.
People who have communication difficulties find it difficult to find their soul mate. Everyone around you meets, falls in love and gets married, but you are left alone? Modesty, secrecy, inability to win over the one you like makes you literally invisible to the object of your adoration. You can convince yourself for a long time of the need to take the first step, but never dare to take it - for fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, etc.
These situations bring a lot of frustration and pain. It’s not your fault that you were born or became like this - there are many reasons for isolation and unsociability.
Where it all begins
The psychology of children of the schizoid type is formed under the influence of many factors. Let's look at them in more detail:
— Subtlety of mental organization and other psychological characteristics of the child. Closedness is especially characteristic of melancholic and phlegmatic people. When communicating with their child, parents should take into account that a positive result can be achieved with a sensitive and attentive attitude. You should not rudely invade his inner world in the hope of re-education. Otherwise, the child will completely withdraw into himself and close himself off.
— Isolation can be caused by conflicts with friends, illness, misunderstanding of peers. In this case, it is important for adults to find out the true reason for the closedness and gently help the child get out of the situation.
— Introverts often grow up in families where one child is raised. In the absence of experience communicating with a sister or brother, forced to play independently, they receive incorrect communicative attitudes, therefore, their ability to communicate develops poorly. In this case, parents are recommended to facilitate the child’s contact with friends.
- Lack of attention. When adults try to free themselves from the child, he begins to turn to them less and less often with his “trivial” problems and questions. As a result, over time, children and parents simply have nothing to talk about; they have no common ground. It is important to take into account that the psychology of behavior of a person who is withdrawn into himself is not formed in one day. Therefore, it is quite natural that parents, for example, after work, devote time to some of their own affairs. Concern about a situation should be shown when it is repeated systematically. It is important to be interested in your child’s problems and listen to him.
- Containment of desires, emotions. Even an adult needs to “let off steam” and share his own experiences. And for a child this desire is even stronger, since every day is filled with discoveries for him. If children understand that their parents are not trying to listen to them, then the process of restraining emotions begins to gain momentum. Such a restriction affects not only the general development of the child, but also his physical health.
- Dissatisfaction with the child’s behavior. The problem of communication in psychology is considered in the aspect of constant censure. At the same time, emotional contact between parents and child disappears. Adults strive to ensure that the child is properly dressed and shod, but pay much less attention to his inner world. The causes of the problem can be very different, and at first glance they are not entirely serious. For example, a child is not the gender you would like, or a child interferes with career advancement. As a result, an inattentive attitude results in aggression, timidity, isolation, and touchiness.
Reasons for isolation
Many people ask the question: “Why am I a closed and uncommunicative person?” Here are just a few of the most common reasons:
- heredity: self-doubt is transmitted at the genetic level. If one of your closest relatives is reserved and unsociable, you may have inherited these qualities from them;
- education in childhood: parents make mistakes that leave a deep imprint on a person’s mind even in adulthood. Constant prohibitions, refusals, and reprimands lead to the fact that the child begins to be ashamed of the manifestations of his personality and hides his individuality deep inside. And vice versa: excessive praise of a child and statements that he is the very best lead him to conflict with the world around him in the future: he sees that many are doing something better than him, and because of this he withdraws into himself;
- social environment: at an early age, a child may suffer from the ridicule of surrounding children, inappropriate comments from educators or teachers; The young mind is vulnerable, and even a small thing deprives a person of self-confidence. As adults, we experience constant pressure from society telling us what to do and how to do it. Relatives, employers and other people often subjugate our interests, aspirations and views. Feeling “somehow different,” a person closes down, becomes quiet and humble;
- unsuccessful relationship experience: if your first love ended in a difficult breakup, if your chosen one treated you ugly or did not reciprocate your feelings at all, your self-esteem takes a hit.
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Resentment, fear, self-doubt, arrogance - all these are reasons for isolation. We are talking about a conflict with the outside world, about a feeling of inadequacy of oneself. Psychology identifies the media as another factor influencing unsociability. A constant flow of information - both positive and negative - dissolves in oneself. Reading the blogs of popular people and seeing how brightly they live, you begin to be too critical of your own life and, as a result, you seem uninteresting and worthless. And the abundance of information about terrorist attacks, wars, environmental disasters and other difficult events puts you in a depressed, quiet, intimidated state. Feeling weak and helpless, a person closes in on himself. You can become a victim of mass communications even as an adult.
To cope with isolation, people buy thematic books, attend group trainings, practice auto-training, and try to communicate more and more often. But lack of communication is a symptom, while its causes are many. You cannot remove a symptom without solving the issue with the cause. While looking for an answer, a person may mistakenly decide that he has found the very problem. If it turns out not to be her, he will lose a lot of time and will never cope with his complexes.
