A man and high self-esteem - these concepts are true synonyms.
If one of the two provisions does not correspond to reality, a person’s life will cease to be full, self-doubt will appear, depression will begin, accompanied by tons of unnecessary thoughts, and ultimately the man may withdraw into himself and end up very badly.
It would seem that such a seemingly insignificant moment can determine the quality of life and can affect almost all spheres of human life. In this regard, the question of how to increase a man’s self-esteem and self-confidence is the most important in the development of a man as an individual, a male, and a leader.
Further on the blog we will look at practical ways to raise self-esteem, give useful advice to men, and also tell you what not to do so that a man’s self-esteem does not fall below the baseboard.
Confident man: what is he like?
Psychologists say that self-confidence and high self-esteem are synonymous with success and strength. Being decisive and ready for any difficulties, a confident person easily achieves his goals and successfully fights the problems that arise along his way. And these are not all the qualities that he possesses:
- Acts in accordance with the inherent instincts. But mistakes are not only driven by emotions. Before doing anything, a confident man will definitely think about the plan of action and the consequences.
- Takes difficulties as another opportunity to improve. A self-confident person is not afraid of failure and is ready to go to the end even when the task seems impossible.
- A confident man knows what he wants and persistently achieves it.
- Likes to take risks. The conversation is not about unjustified risk. Self-confidence encourages a man to move towards his goal even when he needs to sacrifice something or give up his usual way of life.
- Learn from your own mistakes. A confident man understands that everyone can make mistakes. Therefore, he learns from failures and moves on.
- Has a share of empathy. A man, even with strong confidence, is able to empathize with others. He does not overwhelm with superiority.
- Behaves like a winner. A confident man is determined to succeed. He knows that he can complete all tasks.
- A confident person accepts himself with all his strengths and weaknesses.
- He is not afraid to change his life.
- Takes care of yourself. Here we are talking about maintaining physical fitness, taking care of appearance and health, and self-education.
Plus, a confident man is not afraid to take responsibility for relationships and family. This is the case when a woman feels completely protected.
How to develop your masculine core
So, what qualities can be characterized as the inner male core?
First of all, we are talking about a clearly structured system of one’s own life priorities. It is also important to distinguish between what is important to you and what is not. A man with an inner core is consistent in his thoughts and actions. He does not depend on other people's opinions and assessments.
How to achieve this
- Determine your main life goals, to which other things in your life will be subordinated. Choose your own mission, which will give direction to the development of your inner core.
- Give a significant place in your life to self-development, remembering that there are no obstacles to this goal, but only excuses. Decide for yourself what exactly you want to learn and take action.
- Devote more time to gaining new knowledge, reading, and acquiring practical skills. It is important to constantly learn something in order to develop and move forward.
- Don’t be afraid to gain your own life experience - this is the foundation for your development.
- Only a man can have an inner core, but not a boy. That is why leave all childhood grievances and complaints in the past, stop blaming your family for today’s and past failures, and start building your own life.
Causes of low self-esteem
Insecurity and low self-esteem in men develop for many reasons, some of which come from childhood. This is what it says in psychology books. There are also acquired factors that influence the perception of personality.
Upbringing
Very often parents compare their sons with other boys. They say that a neighbor, for example, studies better, and a nephew obeys his parents. “Thanks to this,” the child automatically becomes weak. He wasn't born this way. An opinion was forced on him.
Comparison has a strong impact on self-esteem and pride, as well as humiliation. As a result, the boy acquires a bunch of complexes and carries the image of a loser into his future life.
Absence of father
Women do not have the qualities that confident men have. Therefore they cannot pass them on to their sons. If for some reason the father does not participate in raising the child, the likelihood that the child will grow up to be a loser with low self-esteem increases greatly.
External data
Men, just like women, pay great attention to appearance. Confidence in one's attractiveness affects behavior, the manner of communicating with other people, and self-esteem. Unprepossessing appearance makes men withdrawn and insecure. Uneven teeth, a plump figure, a slight bald spot and much more make them feel ashamed of themselves and not stand out from the crowd. A confident man will not focus on such shortcomings. He will try to fix them.
The bar is too high
Often, uncertainty arises from goals that are too difficult. If a man cannot achieve them, he experiences dissatisfaction and begins to blame himself for what happened. The result is low self-esteem and dissatisfaction.
Consequences of injuries
Sometimes, due to disfigurements after injuries, a man can no longer live the same way as before. It is difficult for him to get used to new circumstances. This provokes the development of depression and self-dislike. A once confident man becomes withdrawn and uncommunicative.
Difficulties in communication
Low self-esteem in men develops when there are problems in communication. It may be difficult for them to make contact with others. Because of this, they begin to feel shy and withdraw into themselves.
What reduces self-esteem in men
Any man at any age and in any position in society should wonder how to increase his self-esteem. If only because he is a man, and also because there are no limits to high self-esteem.
Let's see what factors have the most negative impact on your self-esteem:
- Children's complexes. All emotions that come from childhood greatly influence the formation of an adult personality, including self-esteem. There are practically no people without complexes, so if you feel squeezed and incapable of great achievements, believe me, you can fight it;
- Women. Of course, there are women who know how to behave with men so that they make great progress in life. One can argue endlessly about how a woman influences a man’s self-esteem, but more often than not, female nature tends to underestimate male self-esteem, and nature, not man, is to blame for this;
- Breakups, divorces, betrayals. All this hits men’s self-esteem extremely hard. If you yourself have found yourself in similar situations, then you know how difficult it is to start life from scratch, for example, after a breakup. But nothing is impossible;
- Obsessing over problems. We are talking about a whole category of people who tend to inflate even a small trouble into a whole universal catastrophe. Such self-hypnosis lowers self-esteem below the reference point and can lead to severe psychological problems in the future, be careful.
In addition, the list can be supplemented by low-paid work, a person’s strong exposure to public opinion, and even an unfortunate place of residence.
By the way, the solution to these problems clearly suggests how to increase a man’s self-esteem after a divorce from his wife.
Change the city in which you lived before, find a better-paying job, make new friends. Immersion in the work process will not allow you to dwell on a topical topic for a long time, and a new home and environment will make memories of divorce blurry, which will allow you to soon find your soulmate and start a new life from scratch.
What methods will help instill confidence?
There are many ways to be a confident man. They do not guarantee instant results. This is daily hard work on yourself and your personality.
Psychologists recommend making a detailed plan for your change and marking the stages you have passed every day. This is motivation to action.
Changing your social circle
It is unlikely that you will be able to become confident and increase your self-esteem if others constantly point out flaws in your character or figure. Communication with these people should be limited or stopped.
New acquaintances
In the new company, the guys will be able to show their strengths. Newly acquired acquaintances do not know them differently, they have not seen their mistakes and mistakes.
Finding harmony with yourself
People treat a person the way he treats himself. Therefore, in order to raise self-esteem, a man needs to love himself for real. Only after this will the attitude of others change.
Changing your appearance
You don't have to rush headlong to the gym. It is necessary to increase physical activity, for example, through morning jogging. You can change your style, buy new things. All this will help you fall in love with the reflection in the mirror and become more confident.
How to deal with low self-esteem if your environment humiliates you
Firstly, if your environment humiliates you, this is the first reason to change it. Yes, you can fight “against everyone” and try to achieve success, but in the current situation this is hardly possible. You need to distance yourself from people who lower your self-esteem.
It is also useful to spend more time with new acquaintances - sign up for some training or courses, start communicating with new people. If you again encounter humiliation from others, then this is a serious reason to analyze what is the true reason for such an attitude. Most likely, you will not be able to do this without the help of a psychologist. Be sure to make an appointment - do not deprive yourself of the chance to improve your life and overcome your own complexes.
How to stop being shy and become decisive
You can get rid of the fear of change and become confident in yourself if you follow a few simple recommendations.
Stop fussing
Vanity and haste are the companions of critical situations that do not happen so often. A confident person is endowed with other qualities: calmness, prudence. He also knows how to cope with stress.
To stop fussing, you need to set aside time to relax every day. This applies to short breaks at work (a couple of minutes) and full sleep. This way you can at least temporarily disconnect from disturbing thoughts and calm down.
Organize yourself
You can't leave any situation to chance. You must always adhere to your plan in everything. A confident man knows what to do after solving another problem
Don't panic if you need to change points in the plan. This is fine. When writing it, provide for a non-standard development of events and an algorithm of actions. Thanks to this, you will be able to avoid stress if something goes wrong.
Set yourself achievable goals
As stated above, low self-esteem and unattainable goals are closely related. The farther the goal is, the more difficult it is to achieve it, the faster you can run out of energy. Therefore, men need to set themselves only feasible tasks. This could be cooking a new recipe, learning a foreign language, skiing or snowboarding and much more.
After completing a task, praise yourself for the work you did. Remember, small goals help you achieve big ones. The result is confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Courses to develop self-confidence
All the methods listed above help develop self-confidence. This process is slow and requires some effort. If you want to seriously speed up achieving results, I advise you to take special psychological courses. Experienced mentors will help you avoid common mistakes and provide the necessary support.
Success and confidence through effective communication – Anna Maria
The Success and Confidence through Effective Communication course is dedicated to developing productive communication skills. Interpersonal communication is the area in which people most often experience self-doubt. By learning to build relationships effectively, you can raise your overall self-esteem, come into harmony with yourself and the world, and overcome fears and doubts.
Course Features:
- 6 video lessons that can be completed at any time;
- practical homework;
- closed group on Facebook;
- author's techniques for working with self-esteem;
- secrets of conflict resolution.
The cost of the course is 135 euros.
Gaining self-confidence when meeting people – Sergey Gumennikov
Gaining self-confidence - an audio course from a consultant on building strong relationships Sergei Gumennikov. It was created specifically for men who have problems communicating with the opposite sex.
On the course you will learn:
- how to behave when meeting a girl;
- what to say to interest a stranger;
- how to prepare for dating;
- what to do to make a girl want to continue communication.
In addition to live dating, online dating, which is popular today, is also considered. After completing the course, you will forever say goodbye to uncertainty when communicating with girls. You will have a ready-made algorithm of actions and established behavior patterns.
The course costs 900 rubles.
Confidence always and in everything - Alexander Tsapenko
Confidence always and in everything - a webinar from business psychologist and NLP master Alexander Tsapenko. Designed for people who suffer from low self-esteem, experience constant doubts and fears, and do not climb out of their comfort zone.
In 1.5 hours you will learn secrets that can change the way you think about yourself, and you will be able to build a strong foundation for your own confidence.
The cost of the webinar is 990 rubles.
Find even more programs in our selection of courses and trainings to develop self-confidence.
Practical advice
To be a confident and determined man, you need to not dwell on problems, but develop.
Realize yourself in sports
This advice is especially useful for those who are overweight and want to change their appearance.
First you need to buy a gym membership. Don't turn training into a routine. Set goals for yourself and confidently move towards achieving them. For example, you can promise yourself to complete one of the standards by a specific date. This will be a kind of incentive to work even harder. Fulfilling promises will give you joy and satisfaction from conquering yourself and will add confidence.
If for medical reasons you cannot play sports, replace it with a hobby or even work. Such achievements will also help you become more confident.
Never compare yourself to someone more successful
There are no identical people in the world. And that's a fact. Some are better, others are worse. But many people compare themselves with others. This applies to all areas: career, appearance, achievements in sports, family. As a result, some even develop depression.
A simple rule will help you raise your self-esteem and avoid endless comparisons: you can only look back at yourself in the past. Men need to improve their lives in every direction, to become better than they were last year, month or hour ago. This is the only way to see progress, as well as notice and correct mistakes.
There is no need to blame or blame yourself for anything.
Even if something didn’t work out, men shouldn’t blame themselves for it. Failures happen to more successful people too. Blaming and demeaning statements are a direct path to poor self-esteem.
A confident man does not talk about himself in a negative way and does not allow others to do so.
Accept and agree with praise
Men with low self-esteem cannot do this. They deliberately underestimate their achievements and devalue their character strengths. You can correct the situation without giving up praise. Needless to say, it is not deserved and the achievement is worthless. You need to thank for the nice words and show confidence that everything worked out. This is what self-confident and successful people do.
Read, listen to audiobooks and audio trainings
We need any information about increasing self-esteem and self-confidence. It doesn't matter in what form it is served. If even a small part is deposited in a man’s subconscious, his life will noticeably improve. First, others will see changes in behavior and attitude towards themselves. And then they will also behave differently.
Stop communicating with unlucky people, eternal complainers
People who are always dissatisfied with their lives are not the best circle of friends. This includes those who blame others for their failures and constantly complain. Friends should give positivity, encourage success, and rejoice in achievements. By communicating with them, a man will increase his self-esteem and become just as confident and cheerful.
Record your achievements and victories
We are not talking about something global. You can record even seemingly insignificant achievements in your diary. Did you manage to overcome your fear of heights and jump with a parachute? Plus one victory. Did you manage to cook a complex dish? Another plus. Were you able to lift a heavier barbell? This is also an achievement.
Entries are motivation for further achievements. Reading them will improve your mood and make you become even more confident.
Find your strengths and talents
All men have them. The main thing is to recognize. To do this you will need a blank sheet of paper and a pen. You need to write down all your good qualities. Let it be kindness, compassion for animals, the ability to listen or find a common language with young children. You should be as honest as possible. This will help you see yourself from the other side, fall in love, and appreciate your achievements. Uncertainty and low self-esteem will quietly fade into the background.
Find something you like and spend time on it
A man cannot enjoy what he does not like. Also, he will not have satisfaction from unloved work or banal idleness. An interesting hobby will help you realize yourself and develop your personality.
You can do what is beneficial. For example, many men begin volunteering to help disadvantaged people. Awareness of your own importance will give you self-confidence and increase self-esteem.
Decide everything for yourself and manage your life as you see fit
Low self-esteem forces you to always listen to outside opinions. Often a person is subject to prejudice and worries about what others think about him. We need to correct the situation as quickly as possible.
Make decisions based on your desires, knowledge and preferences. Don't look for approval even from family members. Dependence on other people's opinions is a direct path to insecurity. A confident man relies solely on himself.
Causes of self-doubt
As psychologists say, the reason always lies somewhere in childhood, in more detail:
- Parenting - if your parents begin to compare you with the neighbor boy, who, in their opinion, is better than you in some way, they automatically make you weak. Not because you were born this way because in childhood it is, in principle, stupid and early to judge this, but because they already imposed this opinion on you in advance, which from childhood hit your pride and humiliated you. As a result, you grow up with a loser complex and carry it into adulthood.
- External data - dissatisfaction with appearance, also has a detrimental effect on the degree of self-confidence. It partly happens that a man attributes to himself shortcomings that, in principle, do not spoil him.
- Weak potency – problems in sexual life can seriously undermine a man’s authority in his own eyes. The thought that he is not able to satisfy a woman develops a serious complex.
- The bar is too high - if a man sets himself unreasonably high, difficult to achieve goals and plans, which as a result he fails to cope with, losing confidence in his own abilities.
Simple techniques to increase self-esteem
There are three most popular ways to be more confident. Using them, men will be able to become more decisive, realize themselves in life and simply find happiness.
Find reasons to praise and thank yourself
You need to constantly remind yourself of your virtues, victories, and achievements. Even if it is a very small achievement, for example, general cleaning in the apartment or another workout in the gym, you should still praise yourself for it.
As mentioned above, men can record positive moments on paper and re-read them from time to time.
There is no perfect person in the world and you are no exception.
This is absolutely normal. There is no need to blame yourself for not meeting the fictitious ideals of a man. It is better to spend time on self-education and improvement.
You shouldn’t spread yourself over all areas of your life at once. This will lead to loss of motivation and fatigue. As a result, your mood will worsen. A better option is to focus your energy on achieving heights in one activity.
You also need to draw up an action plan. You can write down your shortcomings and bad character traits on a piece of paper. This way you will clearly see what you need to work on.
Don't forget about incentives.
Find a hobby that will take your mind off the negativity
Think about what activity brings you real pleasure. Maybe the moment has come to make childhood dreams come true? Or do something that your financial situation/status/age, etc. did not previously allow? You need to try everything without fear of making mistakes. This is the only way to become confident.
Trainings and courses
According to statistics, 25-30% of men have high self-esteem. 5% perceive themselves adequately. Everyone else struggles with uncertainty. Therefore, all kinds of trainings are common. Psychologists help men become more confident, increase self-esteem, and love themselves.
The main goal of the training is to teach you to see the positive sides and not notice the shortcomings. After visiting them, you will overcome your dependence on the opinions of others and will enjoy small achievements and life in general.
Thanks to the trainings, a man of any age will learn to accept himself as he is, love his body and character, choose the right circle of friends, and become self-confident.
Psychologist's advice
In psychology, insecurity is defined as a negative opinion about oneself. To correct the situation, a man needs to work long and hard. Effective advice will help him change his perception of himself.
One of the recommendations concerns the comfort zone. Each man has developed his own routine and habits. Perhaps he is used to eating at night or spending his evenings watching TV with beer and chips. Or maybe he likes to sit at the computer all weekend, conquering the next virtual world.
Often a man does not change anything not because of a lack of desire. He is afraid to leave his comfort zone. But it needs to be done. To begin with, you can try to change yourself and your habits. For example, replace TV and computer games with going to the pool or gym, and night meals with reading an interesting book.
With regular training, a man will be able to leave his comfort zone and remain calm and confident outside of it. He will increase his self-esteem and change the attitude of others.
Another recommendation involves the brain. We are talking about affirmations here. These are short expressions that, when repeated frequently, form a certain image or attitude in the subconscious. They encourage action and lift your spirits. However, the main purpose is to reprogram a person, make him believe in himself.
Affirmations should only be positive. They need to be spoken regularly. Such classes will help you focus on strengths and achievements, forget failures, and become more confident.
It is noteworthy that the woman next to him plays a big role in increasing a man’s self-esteem. Psychologists recommend that female companions adhere to several rules:
- When talking with others, talk about a man only in a positive way.
- Don't compare with others.
- Praise for everything, even the smallest achievements. Show tenderness, smile.
- Create comfort around.
- If possible, come to terms with some shortcomings, for example, socks scattered around the apartment.
Women must remember that their perception of reality, time and logic is different from men's. Therefore, you should not criticize and humiliate a man if his view of things is different.
Why should you always try to increase your self-esteem?
- Career.
In Hollywood films you can often find such a hackneyed plot.
A nerdy boy comes to apply for his dream job, but fails due to lack of confidence.
He begins to tell his failed superiors the sad story of his life, babbling something about low self-esteem.
The financial tycoons shed a tear and take the boy to work.
It's all nonsense!
In real life, if you show yourself to be an insecure nerd at an interview, and then start whining, then in the blink of an eye you will find yourself at the door with the advice: “Man, increase your self-esteem and only then come!”
- Love.
Well, beautiful and smart young ladies don’t like insecure whiners who suffer from complexes.
They love strong and confident men.
Again, forget the Hollywood teen comedies where the homely nerd suddenly starts dating the prettiest girl in class because she saw something in him.
Instead of believing in fairy tales, better think about how to increase your self-esteem.
- Success.
A vague concept, I agree.
But no matter what you invest in it, you will never achieve that same success until you increase your own self-esteem.
A loser with a bunch of complexes - yes, you will remain!
No, you won’t become a successful summit conqueror!
