7 effective ways to put an arrogant boor colleague in his place

Pleasant and effective communication consists of maintaining a sense of tact, good manners and cultural speech of the interlocutor. However, in everyday life you often come across tactless and arrogant people who ask inappropriate questions and lead to negative emotions.

But there are also various psychological ways to protect yourself from such individuals. Let's look at these methods.

How to behave with tactless and arrogant people?

Tactlessness is a clear manifestation of the primitiveness of nature.
Leonid Pochivalov

• 1.What people are considered tactless and arrogant?
• 2.Strategies and rules of behavior with tactless people
• 3. Tactics for dealing with arrogant people
• 4.Conclusion

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What people are considered tactless and arrogant?

Tactlessness
(rudeness) is a negative moral and ethical trait of a person. It manifests itself in violation of generally accepted norms and rules of communication ethics.

A tactless person does not have good communication manners and a sense of tact. He also does not follow any standards of decency accepted by society.

The unceremoniousness of such a person is manifested in the following

:

1. obsession;
2. coarseness;
3. selfishness (disrespect for interpersonal boundaries);
4. impudence;
5. familiarity;
6. untimeliness of various questions and expressions.

Tactlessness, according to experts, refers to one of the types of psychological “vampirism”.
Often the reaction to an uncomfortable question is expressed in embarrassment and aggression, and this is exactly what a tactless person wants. At this moment, the arrogant, unceremonious object receives pleasure and feeds on the release of energy from its interlocutor.

There are such expressions: “arrogance is the second happiness” and “arrogance is the second name.” However, it should be noted that this implies a person’s determination, determination and perseverance, but not impudence and selfishness.

An insolent person will not ask permission and listen to the opinions of others, since he only has his own vision of the situation. Arrogant people do not consider the feelings and experiences of others. They choose unceremonious and rude behavior as a means of self-affirmation in society.

Useful video

I suggest watching a video with recommendations on how to respond to an insult and put a person in his place:

It turns out that to some extent our “status” in society depends on our self-perception. Therefore, bullying from a co-worker suggests that something is wrong in the inner world. It makes sense to think about your principles and rules; maybe even change some. Go to a psychologist and figure out what the real reason is.

One thing is clear - you can’t let everything take its course: sooner or later there will be a major conflict in the team, and this can affect your relationships with your superiors and colleagues in general. It’s probably not worth changing jobs - there is no guarantee that you will be welcomed with open arms. You need to learn to be a productive employee under any conditions.

Strategies and rules for dealing with tactless people

The main correct answer to a tactless question is a superficial and evasive phrase.

This disarms the unceremonious person, since he does not see the desired reaction and the truthful answer of his opponent.

The following are the rules for dealing with unceremonious people:

:

1. Turn tactless questions and remarks into jokes;
2. Ignore everything you hear and abruptly change the subject;
3. Ask counter questions;
4. Respond with the same caustic phrases;
5. Make it clear briefly and rudely that he is prying into his personal life.

If the psychological “vampire” is seriously hurt or aggression towards him has accumulated, then you can tell him absolutely everything and throw out all the negativity.
But it is important not to lose control of yourself, giving away your energy and emotions, but to imagine, for example, that this scandal is not real, that this is a rehearsal on the theater stage. If you have an absolute reluctance to answer and react to unpleasant questions and expressions, you should lie about being in a hurry or being late for personal matters.

There is also a strategic option for dealing with a tactless person, such as keeping him at a distance by asking him not to talk or approach him at all with questions and various other information. This request can be repeated regularly, reminding you of your reluctance to communicate in a tactless and provocative tone.

How to deal with harmful and mean colleagues

In this article, I talk about methods that allow you to survive at work and prevail over abusive bosses and colleagues. Some tips come from conversations with my readers, some from my book No Asshole Rule, and some from scientific research. And before I get into the list of tips, here's the most important one:

IF THIS IS POSSIBLE, RUN. The best thing to do if you find yourself in the hands of assholes is to get out of there as quickly as possible. You are at risk of serious personal harm and may turn into an asshole yourself. Asshole behavior is not an innate trait of some unfortunate freaks: it is a contagious disease.

But escape isn't always possible, so here are my top tips for dealing with assholes at work if you can't escape them (yet):

1. Start with polite confrontation . Some people have no intention of being an asshole. They will be surprised if you gently let them know that you feel humiliated. There are also bastards who intentionally humiliate, but will stop doing it as soon as you stop them in a civilized but firm manner. One woman wrote to me that her boss was a “real asshole” but he left her alone after she glared at him and told him his behavior was “totally unacceptable and I simply will not tolerate it.” Ron Reagan, the son of the former president, dealt with asshole colleagues in much the same way—he told me about it on a talk show.

2. If the offender continues to spit poison at you, limit your contact with him as much as possible . Avoid meetings with him. If possible, conduct them over the phone. Keep these conversations as short as possible. Be polite, but do not provide your opponent with personal information in any form, including email. If a jerk writes or says something vile, try to refrain from responding: it will drive you into a vicious circle of asshole behavior. In meetings, if possible, do not sit down. Recent research shows that standing meetings are just as effective as sitting meetings, but they are shorter. Therefore, try to meet in rooms where there are no chairs, and in any case, do not sit down - this will limit your contact with assholes.

3. Find opportunities to enjoy small victories over bastards . If you can't change or get rid of the abuser, find small opportunities to strengthen your control over the situation and fight back. This will make you feel empowered and may convince the bully to leave you and others alone. Here's an example: One woman, a radio producer, told me that she felt depressed because her boss was constantly stealing food from her table. She prepared the sweets with EX-Lax, a chocolate-flavored laxative, and left them on the table. As usual, he took them without permission. When she told the thief what was in their composition, “he was not happy.”

4. Practice indifference and emotional detachment - learn not to give your soul to be eaten by an asshole. Management gurus and top executives constantly talk about the importance of dedication, passion, and the ability to throw yourself into your work. This is good advice when your boss and co-workers treat you decently. But if you work with people who treat you like dirt, they don't deserve your passion and dedication. Practice tolerating unpleasant events without reacting to them. Don't let their evil words and actions truly touch you. Learn to be calmly detached until the day comes when you find a job that deserves your passion and complete dedication.

5. Keep a diary of interactions with assholes : carefully record everything they do and when it happens. One official wrote me a detailed letter about how she used such a diary to get rid of a vile, racist colleague: “I wrote down all her nasty things, noting dates and times... I encouraged her other victims to do the same, and our signed diaries were presented to the boss. Our bosses knew that this employee was a total jerk, but they did nothing seriously to stop her harmful behavior until we had written evidence. And this employee mysteriously went on leave - none of the managers were allowed to discuss this - and we never saw her again.” One sales manager told me that he was the top performer in his group until he contracted leukemia and his performance worsened during chemotherapy. The boss called him every day and yelled at him, accusing him of incompetence, and then doubled the sales plan for the sick man. The salesman eventually quit and found a more suitable job. But because he documented all this vile behavior, his boss was demoted.

6. Enlist other victims and witnesses to support you . As the example of the official shows, this is an extremely effective tactic. It is much more difficult for management—or a judge—to dismiss a complaint made by a group of victims than it is for a single individual. An analysis by Pamela Lutgen-Sandvik of the University of New Mexico shows that people who confront bully colleagues together experience less stress, are more likely to keep their jobs and kick bullies out.

7. Take legal action if necessary, but only as a last resort . Such legal claims require detailed documentary evidence. And of course, there are a lot of bastard bosses and employers who deserve to be slapped with a larger fine. But if you're experiencing abuse at work, your best bet is to get out of there as quickly as possible before you get seriously hurt. I had a long conversation about this with two smart lawyers, and they pointed out an unpleasant fact that every person under the control of a vile person needs to realize: the more you have lost, the deeper your depression, the more serious your anxiety, your financial losses and physical suffering, the more justified is your legal claim against your boss and company. The more you suffer, the more money you can get. But then why not run away from there rather than endure nightmarish problems at work?

There are no easy solutions for people trapped in lousy jobs. But I hope that my humble list of tips will help those who are looking for an opportunity to fight back against a nasty boss. And here's another tip I'm considering adding to the list: Laugh at your asshole co-worker's insults and forward his nasty emails to your boss. The idea is that if you don't take these nasty things seriously, they cause less harm, and the basis is created for several victims to band together and fight back against the abuser.

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Tactics for dealing with arrogant people

There are several ways to communicate with arrogant and unpleasant people. You can ignore them, respond in the same tone, or smile and nod in response. Modern psychologists identify the following defensive tactics of behavior with rude and arrogant people
:

1. A firm and tough answer;
2. Self-control;
3. Calm.

The best way to protect yourself from impudence is to be able to refuse.
Arrogant individuals do not accept refusals, regardless of the opinions and circumstances of other people. Therefore, you should firmly say “no” and not worry about the further course of events. Often an arrogant person is so tactless that you want to be rude or insult him in response. However, you should not do this, as he will understand that he has achieved his goal. It is necessary to pull yourself together as much as possible and not sink to his own level (if there is no conscious desire to verbally fight with an ill-mannered person).

In this case, one should be guided by the fact that it is impossible to teach or offend an arrogant person with a word. Only ignoring, strict refusal and calm. You can’t waste your emotions, and it’s also important to remember that your own health is a priority over a boor.

If there is a need in life to communicate with an uncultured person, then you need to remain calm and not succumb to manipulation and provocations.

Who is this impudent

What is an arrogant person? Some say he is unscrupulous, others say he is impudent and rude. In general, such a person can be described as quick to act in his goals. What they want to do, they do for their own benefit and pleasure.

They do not take into account the opinions of others, put themselves first and do not care about the feelings of other people. An arrogant person will not ask permission. He has his own vision of the situation and it is exceptional and correct, he will not even doubt that he is right. He doesn’t care about other people’s opinions, he won’t even listen if you try to convince him of something that is unusual for him.

Some people believe that being arrogant means achieving success faster. This is where the saying comes from: arrogance is the second happiness. Only here we are not talking about unceremonious behavior, but about determination, courage and perseverance. This is the only way luck and success will be on your side.

I present to your attention the book Difficult People by Hazel Edwards and Helen McGrath. In it you will find examples of various difficult people with whom it is extremely difficult to communicate, and generally find a common language. The book offers various options for how to behave with such comrades.

I won't talk to you in that tone

Are you thinking about a way to respond to rudeness? The psychologist’s advice would be this: tell your offender the phrase “I won’t talk to you in that tone.” If a person has raised his voice, but has not yet lost his temper, you can cool his ardor. You may even have to back up your words. For example, a person insults you, you told him that you do not intend to conduct a dialogue in such a tone, but the person did not react to this in any way. You need to turn around and leave. This will be the best way out of such a situation. The next time a boor needs to talk to you, he will remember the experience of the previous conversation and will begin to behave more gently with you. Do not reproach the person for past grievances and speak to the person a second time as if you do not remember the previous conversation. But if your opponent again decides to demonstrate the less than attractive side of his personality, immediately use an effective phrase. This will knock down the person’s arrogance and help him return to a normal way of communicating.

Don't try to pretend to be the smartest one

Can't figure out how to deal with boorish neighbors? There is no need to put yourself above others. Yes, your neighbors are deprived of intelligence if they behave shamelessly or simply ugly. But not everyone is as lucky as you. Perhaps people did not have the opportunity to obtain a higher education and had to take low-paying jobs to support their families. So don't wonder. If a person is rude to you, do not insult him in return. There is a possibility that boorish behavior is the norm for the person. She was used to communicating with people like herself, and a person had no opportunity to learn good manners. There is no need to re-educate a person and explain to a person that it is ugly to behave this way. Try to limit communication with the person. You don't have to listen to all the negativity that a person decides to throw at you.

Humor will save the situation

You have a good sense of humor? There's no need to hide it. If you don’t know how to behave with boors, you can laugh it off. With skill, any conflict situation can be played out as a comedy episode. But direct ridicule of a person should be avoided. Otherwise, you may put yourself in an awkward position when a rude person takes your words as ridicule and makes you answer for your remarks. Therefore, use humor carefully. There is no need to joke about anyone in particular. And if you want to personalize the joke, then it’s better to make fun of yourself, or even better, demonstrate the awkwardness of the situation in which you find yourself.

Rudeness in the store

Very often rudeness comes from incompetent strangers. In this way they try to emphasize their importance and increase their status. They should not be taken seriously at all. And even more worrying about this.

Of course, it is very difficult to restrain yourself if you hear public insults in a store. The rudeness of sellers puts them in an unpleasant position.

Reaction to rudeness at work

When they hear rudeness or are faced with their personal opinion being ignored, some people immediately give an adequate rebuff, while others remain silent. Thus, according to research by psychophysiologists, the reaction to rudeness is embedded in our genetic code. Therefore, even witnesses to conflicts experience stress—those present experience short-term weakening of attention and memory. The hardest thing is for victims who do not know how to resist insults, because their immunity is also weakened, their psychological and physical well-being worsens, plus problems arise in their personal lives. As a result, the most determined - about 10% - quit from dysfunctional teams.

People can test their limits

How to talk to a boor? The rules of conduct are very simple. Sometimes people simply test the boundaries of what is permitted. This behavior is typical of children, but is often demonstrated by adults. Remember how a child does something forbidden to him, for example, runs out onto the road. The mother scolds the baby and brings him back to the bus stop. The kid will try again to run out onto the roadway. And this time the mother will reward her child with a slap on the head. Realizing that the mother is not joking, the child will calm down. Boors can act the same way. They will shout at you and demonstrate their negativity with all their behavior. If you endure verbal slop and don’t answer the person, then next time the person will no longer hesitate to shout at you. If you show the person that you do not intend to tolerate such behavior, the boor will make another attempt, just to make sure that your position is firm. Understanding the prohibition to be rude to you, the person will become more humble and will no longer bother you with his uncultured speeches, constant criticism or eternal insults.

Rudeness or constructive criticism?

But before using the advice of a psychologist, you should carefully understand the situation. Some people, as a result of their emotional anxiety, may perceive criticism as rudeness. In this case, they lose very valuable and important information about themselves.

How to distinguish rudeness and insult from constructive criticism? The answer is very simple. Rudeness is aimed at destroying psychological integrity and hinders further development. Criticism allows the individual to recover. She motivates to improve.

Go out to the balcony

During conversations with uncultured people, you may not understand how to behave with boors. Being in such an unpleasant situation, it is difficult to make a sound decision. Therefore, mentally go out onto the balcony. Abstract yourself from what is happening and look at the situation from the outside. When you don't think about being a party to a conflict, it's much easier to act. In your head you can spin the situation, look at it from different angles, and then choose the most successful outcome of the event for you and act out the chosen scenario.

Don't stoop to his level

No matter how much you might want to respond with rudeness, I do not advise you to do this in any situation. Why?

• Firstly, you will show that his words influence you and you succumb to his rules of the game.
• Secondly, it is always necessary to remain a well-mannered and cultured person.
• Thirdly, this way you will only descend towards him, because you won’t be able to raise him to your level.

Believe me, if you think that by coming up with a more serious insult you can teach the insolent a lesson, then you are mistaken. As a rule, no techniques work on such people except ignoring and calm refusal. But if you still decide to fight him in a verbal battle, then you will definitely find my article “How to stand up for yourself with words” useful.

How to develop arrogance

As an example, it is worth citing the speaker from Ancient Rome, Cicero. As a child, he was very insecure, was often sick, and suffered from a stutter. But by the age of 30, he was able to become such that not only the people, but also the politicians of Rome listened to him. Based on this, it is concluded that arrogance, as a disruptive personality trait, develops in every person. If you are thinking about how to develop arrogance, then pay attention to the following things:

Remember situations where you didn’t have the courage to say your opinion to another person’s face, and this caused a loss of profit. The examples are simple: a queue to see a doctor, where self-confident people push you aside, defending a diploma at a university, where you did not have the strength to prove the commission was right. Try to imagine what to do in such a situation in order to benefit and remain a worthy person in the eyes of others; develop your speech, work on it. Without knowledge of rhetoric, you will not be able to defend your own point of view. This influence is most noticeable in the work of lawyers. The winner is not the one who has more knowledge of the laws, but the one who expresses his thoughts and position well and is able to entice people and persuade them to his point of view. It's the same in politics. Bills can be promoted by those deputies who are able to prove their importance to others;

develop self-confidence. Self-confidence, despite the opinion of society, is a positive personality trait. There is less doubt in yourself and your own strengths; when a person does not believe in himself, no one will believe him. Every day go to the mirror and tell yourself that everything will work out, because you are always right, you know how to act; Fear less, act more. There is no need to be afraid to speak up and take risks. Everyone makes mistakes, but those who have made more achieve victory more often. First of all, experience is important. If a person stumbles once, he will not do the same thing the second time. In addition, the risk gives minimal chances of winning. Inaction is only a loss. Do everything through “I can’t.” Only in this way can success be achieved; become who you want, not who you are. All people have idols, role models. They think that they also want to become as popular, talented, and confident. But the days go by and nothing changes. Don't waste precious minutes. If you want to quit smoking, do it; if you want to become a successful person, look like this. A self-confident person and a successful businessman are not capable of spending the day in idleness. They will spend their time usefully and profitably. Become an improved version of yourself. And if a person believes in his own strength, then this faith is passed on to others.

From this it follows that arrogance is not called “second happiness” in vain. The owner of this character trait is usually happy, regardless of the opinions of others. And the rest is a factor arising from this. Stay strong, believe in yourself, say more often that you can do anything. This is the only way to strengthen your character and spirit, only this way will you achieve success in your business and endeavors. This is the road of a successful person. Ask yourself the question, are you ready to follow it, will you continue to kill your own destiny with “cultural” modesty?