How to put yourself in another person's shoes?

Incredible facts

It’s easy to identify a manipulator by simply listening to your feelings.

You experience an unpleasant feeling that prompts you to pay attention to the words and actions of the person trying to play on your feelings.

Psychological manipulation is the abuse of influence through distortion and emotional exploitation with the intention of gaining power, control, or gain and privilege at the expense of the victim.

Don't be offended: psychological techniques that will help put a boor in his place!

(“General Psychology”).

Biblical legend says that rudeness originates from the third son of Noah - boor. One day the young man saw his father sleeping without clothes, and, instead of covering his nakedness, at the same hour he told his brothers about what he had seen. Such an act testified not only to disrespect for one’s parent, but also violated the customs of that time...

The retribution was cruel: one of the Ham’s sons, Canaan, was given into slavery. Is there nothing in common between this story and the rudeness of the saleswoman in the store? Unfortunately, this is not so, because rudeness in its essence is nothing more than a lack of respect not only for others, but also for oneself.

How to avoid conflict?

Try to understand someone who is rude to you. At first glance, it seems very difficult. But if you find out about the reasons that pushed a person to stoop so low and insult another, this allows you at least not to take rudeness to heart. As the famous children's song says: “A dog only bites because of a dog’s life.” Remember, they are rude from a lack of self-respect and when they want to assert themselves.

Keep your distance. Often a witty answer comes to mind late - when the boor has already safely disappeared from sight. We agree that self-esteem very often suffers from this, but remember that when speaking rudely, a boor does not even think of entering into a dialogue with you. Also, don’t be afraid and under no circumstances show your fear to a rude person.

Act unexpectedly. Thus, if you want to blame a boor for his inappropriate behavior, think about why you need this

Agree, it is extremely doubtful that an outsider will say a phrase like: “Thank you for paying attention to my rudeness and tactlessness. I promise you won't see me act like this again."

It’s best to try to gently but persistently explain that the boor has no right to treat you like that. For example: “I See that you are Dissatisfied with My Behavior (Act), Sorry.” You can also use a manipulative phrase: “Can I help you somehow? “Using these techniques, you will show your strength and at the same time will not stoop to tactlessness.

Phrases for avoiding conflict.

“On what basis are you asking me these questions? In this way you show that the aggressor has no right to interfere in your personal life. No matter how high his position may be, you point out the discrepancy between the real status of the rude man and the role he has chosen for himself.

"This statement? ", "Is this an indication? ", "Is this a question? Use such phrases if you feel that you have been touched to the quick, but you don’t understand what exactly you disagree with.

“What makes you tell me that? ", "What made you say (do) this to me? Using this technique, you show the aggressor that he has become a hostage of his own passions and emotions. By the way, it helps without fail.

“Don’t Raise Your Voice at Me,” “don’t speak to me in that tone,” “please don’t talk about me in the third person if I’m in the same room with you.” Put the offender in the place of the offender with phrases that can be represented using hearing or vision. Only if you say something abstract, like: “I ask you to Stop Behaving Boorishly,” can the offender ignore this, because what he does not see or hear can be considered your subjective opinion .

“How can I correct the situation so that you no longer want to be rude to me? ", "Tell me, what should I do so that you won't be so rude to me? Remember that conflict arises where there is a lack of mutual understanding. Once you establish relationships, rudeness disappears by itself.

Unfortunately, these days, rudeness has become the norm, not the exception to the rule. Everywhere: in transport, in stores, at work and even in their own families, people are rude to each other, vent their anger, say unpleasant jokes or very offensive words.

Just don't be silent!

This is often what happens: we don’t say “take my place,” but we simply remain silent, get angry, offended, and refuse.

As children, we did not always understand what was happening to us. We needed the kind attention and understanding of an adult in order to understand our experiences. Let’s imagine that a mother calls her child for a walk: “It’s so nice outside! All your friends are playing in the yard!” And he repeats: “I don’t want to.” Only if the mother stops insisting and instead tries to find out why he refuses, it may turn out that yesterday someone offended him on the playground, or he doesn’t want to tear himself away from an interesting game, or his stomach hurts.

How to put a person in his place: step-by-step instructions

In order to put a person in his place, it is not at all necessary to raise your tone.

The culture of modern society, unfortunately, leaves much to be desired. That’s why every day we have to deal with boorish attitude on the bus, in the supermarket, especially in queues. Unfamiliar boors are, as they say, half the trouble. But what if the boor is your colleague with whom you see every single day?! The answer lies in a few steps!

Steps Description Step No. 1. Understand the situation The first thing you should do after someone tries to violate your personal boundaries is to understand the situation. Stay calm and reasonable. If possible, get alone and analyze what happened. Your further behavior directly depends on who exactly is violating your boundaries, how he does it and for what purpose. Depending on all this, you will have to choose a way to fight back. Step No. 2. Ignore So, you figured out the situation with a cool head and approximately understood why the person behaves in such an impudent manner. What should your behavior be? The best option is to ignore it. Here you don't need to depict anything. Just respond to all attempts to make friends, gossip, gain trust, etc. with silence. Act like you don't care at all. Let's say an impudent person (let's call him that) has quarreled with his superiors and is trying to turn you against the director of the company. He puts forward one argument after another and expects your nod of approval. What should you do? That's right - carefully look at the pencil and try to understand what is written in small print! Step No. 3. Smile Well, you ignored the insolent person as best you could, but he stubbornly continues to put pressure on you. Let's move on to point "B" - smile. But you can smile in different ways, right? A mocking smile will definitely not help calm down your colleague. So smile as if you were watching a cute child learning to eat with a spoon. It's funny, right? So have some fun. But remember that there should be nothing aggressive or mocking in your behavior. You might even say, “You're so funny when you're angry.” Step No. 4. “Mirror” effect Really, all the previous methods did not help calm the insolent person?! Then here's another one

It is more provocative, so you need to resort to it with extreme caution (unless, of course, you are planning to start a huge conflict with a violator of your borders). The “mirror” effect is a reflection of the behavior of the insolent

Using the example of a coworker who turns you against your boss, start doing the same. You see that a colleague has sat down at his workplace, immediately “fly up” to him and begin to actively “load” about your neighbor who is always flooding you. Ask for advice, demand sympathy and, most importantly, don’t shut up for a second. Step No. 5. Agree This method is a little softer than the previous one. It lies in the fact that you must completely agree with your annoying colleague. Yes, agree so that he has no reason to convince you or prove anything. He comes up to you with another “stone in the garden” addressed to the boss, and you tell him: “What a horror, I don’t even know how you tolerate it.” Don't let him get a word in, express your sympathy and play the role of a like-minded person. There are two possible outcomes here: either your colleague will finally leave you behind (after all, it’s not interesting to convince an already willing person) or he will cling to you even more tightly. Well, every medicine has side effects. Step #6: Play What? Where? When?" Not in the literal sense, of course. The essence of the method is to ask your opponent questions to which he can only answer “Yes” or “No”. As an option, “So you think that our boss is a terrible person?” Even if the impudent person is determined, such a specific question will most likely unsettle him. In the future, he may bypass you. Step No. 7. Frontal attack And this method is for the completely desperate. If your interlocutor has already completely driven you crazy with his “touching” stories and manipulations, go on the offensive. Calmly and confidently ask him: “Why do you think I’m interested in this?” After this, he will definitely be confused and try to disappear from your field of vision as quickly as possible.

How to avoid being offended?

How to avoid being offended by other people? How to position yourself correctly in society?? All these questions arise before every person throughout his life. Then when he meets other people, builds relationships, joins a new team, becomes the center of attention

In short, it is important to understand how not to be offended and gain respect

Actually the answer is simple. Have you noticed how those people who are usually loved and respected in society treat themselves? With respect and love. They make it clear to others how they can and cannot be treated with them, they build personal boundaries and do not allow anyone to violate them. They are not afraid of what people will think of them, they are not afraid of condemnation. They behave in a friendly, sincere manner, but at the same time they know how to put a person in his place if someone decides to offend him.

Depending on your age, methods of how to avoid being offended may differ. For example, my dad, when he was still a schoolboy and got into a new class, immediately warned the guys that it was better not to offend or touch him, because the offender would be in trouble later. One of his classmates decided to test his words for sincerity and got into a fight. As a result, he was hit on the head with a heavy construction ruler and his skull was cut open. They called an ambulance, stopped the bleeding... There was noise! Thank God, everything worked out and now my father’s offender is my godfather. And then no one touched dad since then.

I'm not saying that everything needs to be resolved by force, it's just that different ages have their own methods. After all, now, at 50 years old, dad doesn’t cut anyone’s head with a ruler! He will simply put a person in his place so that he will then think ten times about whether he should be touched. The main thing is not how you will defend yourself. The question is, do you feel ready internally to immediately outline your boundaries to everyone? Do you feel confident? Or are you controlled by fear?

If a person is afraid, he shrinks inside, and at the same time declares his importance to the team, they will laugh in his face. Well, or behind your back, if we are talking about adulthood

It is important to have high self-esteem, be confident in yourself, and not be afraid of people. Only then will you be respected

Only then will you not allow yourself to be offended.

Even when it comes to relationships between a man and a woman, what matters is what you really think to yourself. This is what your partner will read, not what you tell him.

If you respect yourself, he will respect you too. If you accept yourself, he will accept you too. If you constantly criticize yourself, he will criticize you too. Well, if you do not consider yourself a worthy woman, then he will offend and insult you. Everything is in our head.

Therefore, to the question: “How not to be offended?”, I always answer the same thing. Love yourself, learn to value and respect yourself highly.

With love, Yulia Kravchenko

Is it not given to everyone?

Empathy is conscious empathy for the emotional state of other people, the ability to recognize the emotions and feelings of others and express compassion. This process is ensured by the work of mirror neurons, which are located in the cerebral cortex and allow you to “reflect” the emotional behavior of others. For example, if someone nearby falls and hurts themselves, the observer's anterior cingulate cortex and insula (parts of the brain associated with pain) are activated. The ability to empathize helps you feel connected to what is happening to yourself and others.

Empathetic people are able to respond to the feelings of other people, empathize with them, and also be aware of their own emotions

Everyone's level of empathy is completely different. And sometimes this skill, at first glance, seems to be absent altogether. But this is not entirely true: its manifestation is simply indirect, and a person suppresses his feelings. A more serious barrier to the development of this ability are mental illnesses: narcissistic personality disorder (such a person is focused exclusively on himself and views others as a means), psychopathy, autism.

Empathy can be either innate or acquired. Scientists from the University of Cambridge came to this conclusion. They conducted a study with genetic testing company 23andMe. They took DNA samples from 46,000 of their clients and asked them to fill out a questionnaire measuring their level of empathy. These data were then compared with genetic data.

The ability to empathize is 10% genetic, while the remaining 90% is acquired.

How to avoid being offended

Method one: a closer look

It is necessary to abruptly interrupt the conversation, or quit what you are doing, and fix your gaze on the interlocutor. Whatever he does, you should remain silent for a while and look at him point-blank. This often confuses a person and he gets lost

This technique is often used by teachers to attract students' attention and make them treat themselves with respect.

Method two: expression of disgust

Add disgust to the stare. This will cause your interlocutor to become very confused and lose confidence. At such moments, a person usually tries to translate everything said earlier into a joke, but at the same time he learns a lesson and realizes that he cannot do this to you.

Method three: sense of humor

You can avoid being offended with the help of a sense of humor. Just laugh at your opponent if he said something offensive to you. Usually, ridicule in response to unpleasant words puts a person in his place

When using this strategy, you need to feel confident, and it doesn't matter what you say, as long as you have fun with it

Method four: praise

To take control of the situation into your own hands and discourage your interlocutor, change the conversation to another topic - start talking about his positive qualities, praising him. Everyone is pleased to hear praise addressed to them, and at the same time the person begins to smile, involuntarily beginning to feel good towards you.

Depending on the situation and the degree of your erudition, you can choose one of the tactics, or use them all in turn. When your friends and acquaintances receive a “rebuff” from you several times, they will keep the distance you set when talking to you.

Don’t be afraid to seem harsh or tough to someone

Is it really important for you to maintain a good relationship with someone who has a low opinion of you and allows you to be rude or disrespectful?

How to resist a manipulator

Here are a few phrases that will help you put the manipulator in his place:

No

“No” is a powerful word if you use it without continuation. The problem is that we often accompany refusal with a reason or excuse for why we act in one way or another.

Some people often act as if they have some kind of right to ask and demand things from others, especially if they are used to you agreeing all the time.

In fact, you don't have to do everything that is asked of you, and you don't have to justify your refusal to the manipulator.

I need to …

I need you to stop insulting me and talk to me respectfully/calmly.
I need you to take care of this yourself

When you tell a manipulator, “I need you,” you firmly and confidently reject his tactics.

This response allows you to deny him his wishes and replaces it with a phrase that tells him your needs.

It will be better for me if...

This is another way to express your needs and refuse the manipulator. When you're dealing with these kinds of people, it's best to try to focus on your own needs.

Move away

Manipulators often use emotional and physical intimidation to get what they want.

If they start doing this, they expect you to listen to their commands and demands. You can expose a person and confuse him with this phrase.

If the manipulator starts to approach you or ask too much, ask him to move away, literally or figuratively, to set boundaries.

We'll talk when you calm down.

This phrase works if the manipulator begins to create too much tension and emotional intensity to prevent you from thinking rationally.

Try not to fall into this trap. Ask the person to take some time (a day or two) to calm down before asking you for anything again.

If you are being manipulated by a child or teenager, this will even benefit them, as it will teach them proper communication skills.

My feelings matter too

Some manipulators exalt their feelings. Their goal is to make you forget about your feelings while you focus all your efforts on fulfilling their requests and desires.

Put a stop to these actions by being clear about your emotions and needs. Life doesn't revolve around one person, and neither do friendships or relationships.

It is unacceptable

The manipulator is looking for an easy target. They need a person with flexible boundaries who will not start a scandal when they cross the line.

By telling your opponent that he is doing something unacceptable, you let him know that you are not so easily disdained.

Most likely, the manipulator will immediately switch to someone else.

Go away

Leave this phrase for when nothing else works.

This refers to people who do all sorts of nasty things and then, as if nothing had happened, call you asking for help. Or to those whom you have not seen for years, but who suddenly appear and ask you for money.

Some people simply have no place in your life. If a person has repeatedly deceived you, let you down and manipulated you, show him the door and don’t look back.

You must feel really bad if you're attacking me. Do you want to talk about it?

This statement demonstrates that you acknowledge the manipulator's anger, sadness, and fear, and your question shows an openness to resolve it.

Low self-esteem is one of the reasons why a manipulator tries to control your emotions.

By acknowledging his feelings, you can dot the i’s and help the person gradually get rid of destructive behavior.

Don't say anything

Manipulators feed on strong emotions. If they can provoke you into anger, fear and anxiety, then they feel like they have gotten the better of you.

Stay calm, regulate your breathing and focus on your inner state. Feel the tension in your chest, shoulders, neck, or stomach. Mentally relax these muscles while looking into the eyes of the manipulator.

Of course, for some people this will be a difficult task. A calm reaction in response to anger can further provoke the manipulator.

Refrain from the desire to enter into controversy. The manipulator will quickly realize that he cannot change your emotions and will switch to easier prey.

Self-control will help you cope with rudeness

Such questions can hit below the belt.

And sometimes people don’t think about what they say, and sometimes it’s deliberately done in order to touch a person’s nerves and offend them.

Of course, you have the right to react in the same way - with malice and rudeness.

But you can act more honorably, remaining a positive person and polite: to plunge into your own failure the one who wanted to hurt you.

Finding the right way to defend yourself when dealing with rude people is not always easy, especially if this person signs your pay slip or is your mother-in-law.

How to deal with a manipulator

Here are some more tips to help you deal with the manipulator.

Christian Negroni

Know your rights

When dealing with a manipulator, it is important to know your rights and notice when they are being infringed upon. As long as you are not harming anyone, you have every right to stand up for yourself and your rights.

You have the right to expect to be treated with respect.
You have the right to express your wishes, feelings and opinions.
You have the right to set your priorities.
You have the right to say no without feeling guilty.
You have the right to get what you paid for.
You have the right to have an opinion different from the opinions of others.
You have the right to take care of yourself and protect yourself from physical, mental and emotional harm.
You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.

Unfortunately, there are many people in society who do not respect these rights.

In particular, it is beneficial for the manipulator to deprive you of your rights in order to more easily control you and use you to their advantage. But you have the power and moral right to take charge of your life.

Keep your distance

Do you want to identify the manipulator? Observe how a person behaves with different people in different life situations. Although we all tend to distort our behavior to some degree, many manipulators tend to go to extremes, being very polite to some people and rude to others.

If you regularly notice this behavior from a person, try to maintain a healthy distance and do not engage in dialogue with him unless necessary. The reasons for this behavior may be deep-rooted, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it.

Refrain from beating yourself up and don't take things personally

Since any manipulator tries to play on your weaknesses, you may have a false sense of your own inferiority, and you may even blame yourself for not being able to satisfy his requests.

Remind yourself that you are not the problem, but you are being manipulated so that you devalue yourself and quietly give him power over you.

Think about your relationship with a manipulator and ask yourself:

Do I feel like I am being treated with the respect I deserve?
Are the person's expectations and requirements adequate?
In this relationship, is it just you making the effort or both?
And most importantly, do I feel happy in this relationship?

The answers to these questions will help you understand whether your relationship problems are with you or with the other person.

Shift your focus by asking questions. Any manipulator will sooner or later turn to you with a request or begin to make demands.

Any manipulator will sooner or later turn to you with a request or begin to make demands.

Such requests will force you to try your best to satisfy their wishes.

When you hear unreasonable demands, it is sometimes useful to turn your attention to the manipulator himself by asking him certain questions. For example:

Do you think this is reasonable?
Do you think your demands are fair?
Are you asking me or ordering me?
What will I get for this?
Do you really expect me to (unfair request)?

When you ask these questions, you become a mirror of your interlocutor, and the manipulator has the opportunity to realize the true nature of his requests.

If a person has any conscience, he will most likely back down and give up his demands.

Against? chronic manipulators will ignore your questions and will be even more persistent. If this is your case, use the tips above to stop the manipulation.

Take a break

In addition to exorbitant demands, the manipulator most often expects an immediate response from you in order to increase pressure and control the situation.

At such moments, instead of immediately responding to the manipulator's requests, take a break and distance yourself from his or her influence. You can simply suggest: “I need to think about this

«.

Use this time to evaluate the pros and cons of the situation and determine whether you should negotiate more equal terms or simply refuse the person.

Fight back the offender

A pathological manipulator can become a bully when they bully or harm others.

The most important thing to remember about such people is that their choice most often falls on those whom they consider weaker. Passivity and compliance on your part makes you an easy target for a manipulator. But many of them are also cowards at heart, and if you fight them back and defend your rights, they will often back down.

But many of them are also cowards at heart, and if you stand up to them and stand up for your rights, they will often back down.

Signs of a manipulator

Unlike healthy interactions between people, where there is mutual exchange, in manipulation one person uses the other to his advantage.

Most manipulators have certain features:

They put their needs before yours.

They put their feelings above yours.
They tell you what you need to do.
They feed on experiences and strong emotions.
They want you to feel guilty.
They know how to identify your weaknesses.
Once they find out about them, they will use your weaknesses against you.
Through cunning machinations, they convince you to give up something to satisfy their selfish interests.

At work, in family and other situations, the manipulator takes advantage of you, he will repeat his actions until you put an end to it.

The manipulator's favorite weapons are complaints, comparisons, lies, denial, accusations, blackmail, devaluation, forgetting, flattery and gifts.

Manipulators make you feel guilty with phrases like “ And this is after everything I’ve done for you.”

«.

You may be compared to someone else: “Even this or that person does...

Classic tricks can be threats or accusations like: “You only think about yourself.”

“,
“At your age, you won’t meet anyone else if you leave me,
” or playing the victim,
“Without you, I will die
.”

Whatever the reasons for such behavior, it is not easy to be the aggrieved party of such hidden aggression. How to fight back a manipulator and put an end to his influence?

How to develop empathy?

The practice of empathy helps us broaden our perspectives and thereby enrich our world with new ideas, perspectives and possibilities.

This is a key social skill that, as we have seen, allows us to listen better, understand better, and formulate better questions, three fundamental aspects of good communication. It is also one of the foundations for building strong and enriching relationships.

You can incorporate 3 simple, practical exercises into your regimen to improve your empathy.

Ask and show interest

Start any meeting or conversation with open and personalized questions: How are you? How are you at work? How's the project you started going? How was your holiday??

When showing intimacy and interest in another person, leave room for discovery and receiving.

Read theater scripts

Read theater scripts and focus on character. Look in the text for what is beyond the words; Personal history, past experiences, fears he hides, his desires and illusions, emotions close to the skin...

Select a person

Pick a person at random and try to figure out through nonverbal communication what motivates him (emotions and thoughts) to do what he does and how he does it. A good time to do this exercise is on public transport, in a cafeteria... These places are rich in scenes because they can serve to embody empathy.

How to put a person in his place with words. Speech attack techniques: how to put arrogant people in their place

Our speech is rich in expressive means and provides many opportunities to put the insolent person in his place. It is not for nothing that people who are able to defeat an opponent with a word are said to have a sharp tongue. Here are some effective techniques.

Best defense is attack. In response to a rude remark or reproach, do not make excuses, but immediately express to your opponent your claim regarding his behavior, actions, and position. Moreover, do it in such a way that the interlocutor experiences a feeling of guilt, this will deprive him of the feeling of superiority.
Change black to white. Has your interlocutor expressed dissatisfaction with your behavior? Find positive aspects in your actions and voice them. This will cause confusion in the insolent person and give you a psychological advantage.
The “Weak!” effect. This is an effective psychological technique that works flawlessly. If a person is dissatisfied with your work, invite him to do it himself, do it better, show him how it should be done. As a rule, this proposal knocks down the critic's arrogance.
Ignoring. This is not entirely rhetorical, but an effective technique. Nothing infuriates insolent people more than contemptuous silence in response to their comments. Especially if the silence is accompanied by a condescending smile.

When using rhetorical techniques, try not to slip into the level of rudeness and insults. This is not only indecent and ineffective, but also proves that the other person’s statements seriously offended you. Do not please the insolent people with your irritation and resentment.

Learn to understand the situation

At the beginning of the conflict, there is no need to recklessly go through all the options for repelling the boor. First you need to assess the situation and environment. The method of resolving the conflict will depend on this.

Most people read only basic information about methods of punishing a boor. And they forget about other factors. As a result, the situation worsens and everything only gets worse.

For example, the boss at work is the offender. Any manifestation of aggression and incorrect dissatisfaction will make him want to fire the employee.

In this case, the attempt to solve the problem was obviously in vain. It was possible to quit on your own, avoiding a nervous and unpleasant situation.

3 important steps

which every woman should go through

Anika Snagovskaya

Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.

I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.

Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity

You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.

Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships

I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.

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Thanks to this neuro-affirmation, you can regain self-love and feel sincere gratitude and happiness for every day.

Top 3 useful materials that will help you know yourself better

And start a new, happy life for yourself.

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Take your gifts!

It is also worth noting a conflict situation involving a relative.

The response to rudeness depends on the specific situation.

For example, if an annoying mother-in-law constantly interferes with your personal life and tries to hurt you verbally. Aggression and insults towards her can destroy a young family.

Here you need to be as tactful and calm as possible so that the advantage does not pass to the mother-in-law. Otherwise, all other relatives will take her side and a global conflict cannot be avoided.

To assess the situation and understand how to put a boor in his place, it is recommended to perform the following actions:

Determine a response to rudeness in a specific situation.
Weigh the pros and cons.
Calm down and be confident in your statements.
Try to avoid retaliatory rudeness and raising your tone.

Of course, some people manage to resolve conflicts by shouting and responding with rudeness, but such cases are quite rare. In a conflict where both participants yell at each other, there is no winner.

Both participants lost and were unlikely to achieve their goals. As a result, the quarrel can drag on for a long time, and its occurrence will constantly interfere.

Its components

Perhaps in some cases you did not feel heard due to a lack of feedback, support or understanding. In many other cases, you may feel that you have failed to adequately and empathetically relate to the other person's emotional state and ask yourself: What do I need or need to do to be more empathetic?

Essentially, the components of empathy are:

Know how to listen

Pay attention to what the other person is explaining or arguing, pay attention to nonverbal expressions, as you would with gestures that correspond to a verbalized state of mind and do not interrupt verbal discourse. Also, think about what the other person is communicating to you, express active follow-up signals in the form of feedback: making eye contact, nodding, or mirroring facial expressions according to what the other person is explaining

Also, think about what the other person is communicating to you, express active follow-up signals in the form of feedback: making eye contact, nodding, or making facial expressions consistent with what the other person is explaining.

On the other hand, you need to show interest by asking for details about the content of the conversation.

Interpret nonverbal cues

It includes messages conveyed of a paralinguistic nature, such as intonation, response time, volume...

Show understanding

We can show understanding consistent with what they are explaining to us by using phrases such as: “I understand that this is how you act.” "I understand how you feel." "The truth is that you should have had a great time" ...

The emotions of the person expressing them should not be invalidated, rejected or judged. since this is a fundamental prerequisite to show empathic sensitivity.

Provide emotional support when needed

It is important to always ask our interlocutor if he needs help. However, in many cases, by the simple act of actively listening to another, we allow him to “ventilate” and manage his emotional state

Thus, he feels relieved to have a reliable listener to convey his emotions.

When an empathic listener experiences an emotional situation similar to the one being expressed, the communication process becomes smoother because it has a stronger emotional melody.

Skin of your opponent

We already know that game theory studies the principles of decision making in situations with several players interacting with each other. This is when all players pursue their own goals, influence the outcome with their actions and act in conditions of limited information. Almost all conflicts in our daily lives fit this definition, and each of us is a strategist, whether he wants to be or not.

The fact that you have reached the third chapter allows us to assume that you also believe that it is better to be a good strategist than a bad one, which means it is time to focus on the first introduction necessary for developing strategic thinking. Let’s make a reservation right away: in this book we will only consider games with two players, or doubles. They are most often encountered in real life, and their solution is within our power both in principle and in a practical sense.

The truth that is important to pay attention to every time you find yourself in such a game is that in any paired conflicts, your opponent has intelligence and wants to win against you. And he understands that you understand this. In other words, in any strategic interaction you simply need to think like your opponent.

Theorists of the concept of positive thinking suggest viewing any failure as an invaluable experience. This was the advice of Ernest Shurtleff Holmes, the founder of the positivist “Science of Mind” movement. He cited Churchill as an example as a man “always rising and moving on.” After all, Churchill, who during his life repeatedly rushed from high posts and universal adoration to public contempt and the loss of all positions, was never afraid to start all over again