Overly persistent people who do not understand or do not accept refusal are akin to a real disaster. Even if you cannot classify yourself as a social phobe or misanthrope, once you meet such a person, you can forever lose faith in humanity. How is it that someone simply does not understand what is being imposed?
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In fact, this can be either unintentional or on purpose. Stubborn people surround you everywhere. Such a person could be a colleague from whom it is simply impossible to get rid of, or a neighbor who does not recognize the limited free time of her random interlocutor.
If you still don’t know how to get rid of such obsessive comrades, but continue to waste energy on them and suffer for the sake of someone else’s whim, the time has come to find out some truly effective ways to ward off the “clingy”. But first, let's try to understand their psychology.
In this article:
Why some people are obsessiveWays to get rid of an obsessive person
What is the difference between an assertive and an obsessive person?
What does “obsessive person” mean? Persistence means that a person tries with all his might to achieve some big goals, shows his activity and tries to attract others with him. Obsessiveness does not imply the presence of global goals and leadership; its task is to impose itself, that is, to hang on a specific person.
This is what irritates others in obsessive people - the desire to push the personal boundaries of others in order to solve some of their own personal problems. An obsessive person does not understand that he is hanging on to another. People are not inclined to think that they are bad, and are often unable to evaluate their activities from the outside.
Normal human activity usually has a completely different vector. It is used not to attack another, but to carry one along with oneself, one’s goal. Healthy activity and passion tend to give additional energy to others.
In general, everything in communication is quite simple. When they try to take something away from you, for example, energy, it’s annoying. But the desire of another person to give you something is perceived positively. The laws are the same as in the sandbox.
Although for adults everything is much more complicated than for children. There are two types of obsessive people. Some stick to solve their problems. Others try to help, want good, without even thinking that their help is not needed at all. In fact, it turns out that it is the obsessive who benefits by taking away the energy of the one he is trying to help. Due to this, he asserts himself and feels stronger.
The person who suffers from obsession tends not to understand or notice that he is obsessive. He believes that he is active and wants to help at any cost. He sincerely does not understand why his activity does not please others.
Activity is good, it attracts and delights. Just don’t bother others with her. Especially if you don’t know the person well, and he hasn’t had time to like you. It is better to focus your activity on some other activity, and if he is interested in your goal, he will be happy to join.
How can I tell if I'm being used?
Respect
Unfortunately, this rule is ignored by a huge number of women. At the initial stage of a relationship, a man seems strong, smart and important, but over time he shows his weaknesses and shortcomings, automatically falling off the pedestal on which the woman placed him. The task of every wise young lady is not to idealize a man, but to recognize his authority. Remember: any man will get tired of disrespect, evil ridicule, nagging and doubts about his abilities and talents. All this, of course, leads to the deterioration of relationships and their dissolution. So if you want your man to be interested in you and give you enough time and attention, show respect for him and his interests.
How can you get rid of persecution without offending?
First of all, the interlocutor needs to carefully hint that he is slightly overstepping the boundaries and is too imposing his views. There are two ways to do this:
- smoothly change the topic of conversation and repeat this trick every time the interlocutor becomes obsessive again;
- try to shift the conversation to some general topic in which there is no opportunity to advise or express a personal opinion.
If these methods do not help, then move on to the next step: show your interlocutor that he is annoying and annoying with his behavior. Behave as tactfully as possible; you should not immediately be rude or say that the person annoyed you with his presence.
Try the following methods:
- Depending on the place of communication, set a deadline for ending the meeting. Specify the time of your or his departure. For example, say that you have a visit to the sports club in an hour. You can simulate receiving a phone call or message, thereby justifying your quick departure.
- Stock up on a set of polite excuses that will help you get rid of unpleasant communication as quickly as possible in such situations.
- You can agree with your friends to save you from an annoying interlocutor under the pretext of urgent matters.
- If he still doesn’t understand that they are already tired of him, he needs to say so directly. For example: “Sorry, we started talking, I have to go”
Cause jealousy
If you know your man’s character well, try to make him jealous. This should be done as carefully as possible and, of course, in doses. You must show your own relevance, but you should not go too far. At the same time, your partner should experience very contradictory feelings: fear of losing you and confidence in your fidelity. Try to provoke him to this as subtly as possible. Do not do this under any circumstances unless you are 100% sure of success.
How does obsession manifest itself in relationships?
In close relationships, the desire to help and care is quite natural. But it is important to remember that even here one should not cross boundaries and turn attention into intrusiveness.
Different people have different needs for communication. While a certain level of closeness and mutual assistance is normal for one person, it may be too much for another.
For example, if an introvert wants to be alone, then the extrovert may think that he has become uninteresting and immediately begins to develop vigorous activity. Obsession threatens the existence of both friendly and romantic relationships. To avoid the risk of destroying a close relationship for this reason, consider the signs of obsession.
The best ways to deal with anxiety and increased suspiciousness
Signs
The main problem of an annoying person is that he does not understand the error of his behavior. And the partner, not wanting to offend his loved one, also does not talk about the problem directly. But it’s hard to endure this for a long time, so the relationship ends quickly.
Signs of an obsessive person:
- Control. The partner asks in detail how the day went, reads emails without asking, and asks who called after each phone call. If a loved one plans to spend time without him, he is offended, demanding to take him with him even to business meetings and corporate events.
- Fear of loneliness. The persistent desire to spend time together is the result of the fear of losing a loved one. Such a person constantly needs words of love and actions that confirm deep feelings.
- Lack of independence. A person cannot make decisions on his own and on any basic issues he involves a partner, supposedly to help.
From the women's side
If we talk about the tandem of a man and a woman in a relationship, then, of course, women are more prone to importunity. This is explained by psychological characteristics and needs.
So, at the beginning of a relationship, a man tries with all his might to win the desired woman. He gives flowers, gifts, compliments and shows his attention in other ways. A man often calls, looking for a meeting and communication. But then the relationship turns into a close one and the partners begin life together. For a man, this means that the goal has been achieved. His priorities change. He simply moves from the conqueror stage to the breadwinner stage. This does not mean at all that he has fallen out of love. It’s just that now he doesn’t consider all the fuss that was in the process of conquest expedient. He needs peace.
A woman always needs attention. She needs to prove and show her love in words and deeds. During the breadwinner phase, a woman begins to wonder: what happened, why did he become different, did he stop loving? She tries to participate more actively in his life: she is interested in his affairs, wants to always be there, and feels the need for constant close communication. A woman in love is not satisfied with just intimacy; she constantly needs signs of attention: flowers, messages declaring her love. She can call, write and initiate meetings herself.
But it’s important to remember that men don’t like this, they love freedom. And if a girl shows signs of obsession even at the dating stage, then a man may see this as evidence of her poor upbringing and availability.
Therefore, it is worth controlling your behavior and consciously giving your partner more freedom.
From the men's side
Men tend to be importunate precisely at the stage of courting a girl, that is, at the stage of conquest. Of course, attention is pleasant, persistence will only confirm strong feelings. If a man is not interesting, then his obsession, if not scare off the girl, will definitely annoy her.
Although in general women will be flattered by some persistence in the process of conquest, the main thing is not to overdo it. If a girl refuses to date again and again, then you shouldn’t continue trying. Excessive assertiveness will only completely push away your beloved.
After entering into a relationship or marriage, the courtship and attention of a normal man ceases to be intrusive. The continuation of such behavior indicates some psychological problems: jealousy, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, the desire to control a loved one.
To form and maintain normal relationships, you should not strive too hard for attention. There is no need to demand an immediate response to gifts or pleasant surprises. Give her a little time to respond, she also needs to think, evaluate her feelings and weigh everything.
Method 1. Control the frequency of contact.
Difficulty level:
Very easy.
Pros:
- Takes minimal time.
- Effective.
- Suitable for everyone.
Minuses:
- Superficial, does not solve the fundamental problem of emotional dependence.
- Potential danger of attacks of mental masturbation due to withdrawal symptoms.
- “Unnatural.”
Time costs:
From 5 seconds to 3 minutes.
***
This method can be safely recommended to anyone who is inclined to impose themselves on their friends. It does not require any effort, while being very effective in terms of managing relationships with a friend or girlfriend.
How to fight?
- You need to calm down and try to accept the situation. It is important to realize that men and women have some psychological differences. The need for intensity of communication is also individual for everyone. You can’t lose yourself in your partner and live only for him: reduce the number of SMS and phone calls, let your other half breathe. Instead of imposing your company on your loved one, do something of your own: a new hobby, meeting with friends.
- Consider your partner's wishes. You shouldn’t object and try to go together if your husband suddenly wants to go hunting or fishing this weekend. Wish him a good time and relax yourself. You can meet with friends or visit your parents. Understand that such a short separation will only benefit your relationship. The husband will return filled with new energy and emotions. Just don’t need to meticulously ask him upon arrival what happened there and how.
- Wait for a response. Imagine you are playing catch. You have taken one step, that is, throwing the ball, and to continue the game you need to wait for the ball to be thrown back. According to the rules, you cannot throw balls at your partner, this is already an obsession. Yes, and there is only one ball. Invited to take a walk and wait. The answer may be delayed for various reasons: the person is busy, sick, or not ready to communicate. This must be respected.
- Don't blame yourself. If a partner has lost interest, then the relationship cannot be saved by obsession. It's not your fault that other people's feelings faded away. It is also impossible to force love. You will only embarrass yourself by imposing your company. It is also worth understanding that not all people are ready for marriage or a serious relationship. Therefore, it is better to learn to recognize signs of loss of interest in advance. This could be rudeness or constant disregard for your feelings and desires. It is better to end such relationships yourself.
- Agree on some kind of conventional sign that should stop you when crossing borders. This could be, for example, the phrase “I’m busy.” These words should show that it’s time for you to stop active actions and give your partner a little freedom: don’t call or write until he gets in touch.
How to learn to build personal boundaries
Surprise
Every person gets tired of everything that is unchanged, which has been present in his life for many years. Predictability is monotonous and boring; sooner or later you want to dilute it with a touch of novelty. You should not wait until your partner has such a desire; you should be ahead of him. Surprise your man with unexpected actions. It is absolutely not necessary to take your significant other by surprise, it is enough to simply cause her pleasant surprise. This will allow you to appear before your chosen one as a new woman who has not been fully studied, and also surprises and pleasant surprises delight men and allow you to create a festive atmosphere in your relationship, which is so necessary to maintain temporary interest and so that you do not face the question of how don't bother a man.
How to get rid of obsession in a relationship yourself?
As we have already understood, low self-esteem along with the fear of losing a loved one can be common reasons for obsession. The more unsuccessful relationships there have been in the past, the stronger the desire to preserve the current ones at any cost.
To avoid such scenarios, you need to work on your self-confidence and self-esteem. You need to understand that you can be happy without a partner. You need to believe in yourself, feel your integrity. This alone can fill you with energy and attract the right people into your life.
Useful tips on how to stop being obsessive:
Find a hobby. Firstly, it will distract you from constantly thinking about your loved one and the desire to call or write. You will not be bored, as you will be busy with interesting things. Secondly, a new activity will make you more interesting to people and increase your self-esteem.- Talk to people. If your social circle consists of one person and this is your loved one, then it will be difficult for you. Naturally, all your attention is directed to him, and he will suffer from this. Try to distribute your need for communication among different people: organize a picnic, go to the cinema with a friend, sign up for some courses, meet new people.
- Relationships should not be perceived as a need. If you're single right now, that's okay. There is just an opportunity to analyze your desires and make plans for the future. The time will come and you will find your soul mate. It is not necessary to strive at any cost to find a partner as soon as possible.
- Trust. Intrusiveness is perceived as mistrust, and this destroys relationships. It’s better to speak openly about your suspicions and discuss the situation than to offend with constant questions: “Where were you?”, “Why did it take so long?”
The most important thing is to love yourself. This will affect self-esteem and self-confidence, which is important in the fight against obsession. To build a healthy relationship, first of all, you need to work on yourself. This will give you the power that will definitely attract “that” person into your life.
Stay seductive
Very often you can hear that a man is tired of his mistress or wife, who has become too boring and has ceased to be feminine. Even in a quiet haven a man can get tired. It is important to become not only a close friend to him, but also to remain a desirable woman. Be sure to tempt him, seduce him. Buy more elegant lingerie, use perfumes and cosmetics. Never stop flirting with your beloved man: until you get tired of the love game, he won’t get tired of it either.
Become a lady
A vicious circle: you cope with problems on your own and don’t ask your boyfriend for help, but he relaxes and stops taking the initiative himself. It’s not worth letting him carry your bag, but hammering nails, drilling holes and buying groceries - feel free to ask for such simple everyday feats. Make him feel needed: let him open the doors, help you out of the car and treat you like a lady.
Warning!
However, you should not abuse this method with good people if you yourself do not want to become an outcast. Otherwise, you can be branded an idiot and become completely uninteresting to people. Then they will start avoiding you. You probably won't like it.
Tags: conversations, psychological help, psychology of communication, psychological complexes, psychological problems, interlocutor, communication
Learn to speak confidently
Sometimes it's hard to say no just because you don't know how to express yourself clearly and confidently. And you are afraid that it may sound aggressive or impolite. Learn to refuse without offending anyone.
Here are some simple statements to get you started:
- Right now (this week/this month) I can't do it.
- I have too many other things to do right now.
- Thanks for the invitation, but I can't at this time.
- I won’t be able to go with you, but then be sure to tell me how it went.
- Perhaps another time. I would be glad to have an invitation next week.
- Sounds great, but no, thanks.
Method 2 - “Why the dull one, or the Prestidigitator”
This is an active position and active actions. Be surprised and take the conversation in a different direction. Ask a lot of questions. Moreover, the questions are completely different - secondary and distracting from the essence, perhaps even stupid and indecent. A very important point: inconsistency of questions is a very strong factor.
Don't let him take the initiative in the conversation. Ask a bunch of “stupid” questions. Eventually this person will become uncomfortable and will begin to end the conversation. Don't be afraid to be like the notorious "blondes." This is very helpful.
