If in heaven there is only talk about the sea, as the heroes of the film “Knocking on Heaven's Door” claim, then on earth there is talk only about love. You probably have to be very original not to write about this on the eve of Valentine's Day. Let's talk about love and passion! For many people, these two concepts are identical, they are periodically confused, but from the point of view of psychological health and healthy relationships, this is fraught with problems. This endless confusion occurs because often these two feelings occur in parallel.
If we now try to define “love,” we will have to publish a multi-volume book with hundreds of thousands of words of text, and add terabytes of video and audio materials. Therefore, let's focus on the differences between love and passion, and we will rely only on some theses.
The Ozhegov dictionary love as a strong feeling of deep affection, selfless and sincere affection. And passion
like an ardent desire.
These two conflicting definitions will help us distinguish between these feelings. Love is based on intimacy, while passion is purely on desire.
Passion is a person’s lust that is uncontrollable and has a significant impact on his thinking and behavior.
E. Fromm argued that instincts, or natural drives, are rooted in the physiological needs of a person, while human passions are rooted in his character. In other words: instincts are a response to a person’s physiological needs, while passions are a response to his existential needs.
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How is love different from passion?
Over the years, a person, as a rule, easily distinguishes love from passion.
Falling in love is characterized by the desire to make your partner happier
A man and a woman understand that the word “love” implies not just one candy-bouquet stage of a relationship and endless happiness, but also work on oneself and relationships. But giving in to passion is often irresponsible and frivolous behavior.
The state of falling in love involves the spiritual fusion of a couple. Passion is the desire to completely own a person, a kind of manifestation of selfishness. However, without it, a healthy romantic relationship between two people will not work.
Carnal attraction is the basis on which relationships are born, and subsequently the feeling of love is born.
When a couple's relationship is based only on sexual attraction, then the guy and girl do not pay attention to each other's wishes, but strive to satisfy their own needs.
Passion is fleeting . She leaves as quickly as she appeared. As soon as a person conquers the object of desire, the passion fades away.
However, sometimes sexual desire eventually turns into love. Some psychotherapists compare passion with the effects of drugs.
Falling in love is characterized by the desire to make a partner happier (sometimes contrary to one’s own interests). Feeling attraction based on natural instincts, the partner is focused on satisfying his own needs, strong emotions and thoughts aimed at the adored object dominate.
A person loses the ability to think about the feelings and desires of a partner.
The state of love is a conscious and balanced feeling aimed at giving joy to the other half. The lover is interested in the inner world of the other half, and not in the outer shell.
Where has the passion gone?
You meet a person you really like. You are drawn to him. Passion, love arises... And this is the result of complex chemical processes that occur in our body. No romance, just the laws of nature. The very hormones (endorphins, serotonin, adrenaline, etc.) that help us live make us reach out to another person.
All these reactions are new to the body (and with each new person we feel everything a little differently) and it begins to bask in euphoria. But good things cannot last forever, and at a certain moment, love passes and passion goes along with it. Here the brain begins to work and reproduce lived scenarios. We begin to rely on past experiences and not always behave well. Also, our rose-colored glasses come off and we see all the flaws of our partner. Naturally, we try to remake it for ourselves. Spoiler: it brings a lot of pain and tears to both. What kind of passion are we talking about here?
If people go through this stage, they decide to join their lives in marriage. Well, that same everyday life begins in him, which eats up the remnants of passion. You are not trying to do something pleasing to your partner sexually. Your conversations devolve into discussions of children and grocery lists. And it's also good if you talk to each other!
The feeling of novelty and attraction disappears. There are not enough bright emotions. You become commonplace for each other. It's good if the relationship is based on strong love. Well, what if all that remains is just a habit?
How passion manifests itself in men and women
The female sex is more emotional, but experiencing passion is more important for men. This is how they produce hormones that increase productivity in other life activities.
Representatives of the weaker half of humanity easily notice the slightest changes in relationships and feel the moment when cooling begins in a couple. When a woman reacts to changes and tries to bring passion back into the relationship, then she can save the marriage and melt the ice in her partner’s heart.
In the female half, passion for the opposite sex lasts longer and is maintained through falling in love . If a woman experiences love, then she is ready to conquer heights for her chosen one.
To maintain a man’s attraction to his other half, you need to regularly work on relationships and periodically add novelty to your sex life. Guys love to experiment in bed and are happy to experience hot sex because it strengthens relationships and maintains mutual attraction.
What is at the heart of the relationship?
In the context of talking about relationships and love, we, of course, consider first of all love passion
. The reason for such passion lies in the biochemistry of the body. The first thing we notice in the object of our attraction is bodily sympathy; this is where our unconscious ideals of beauty come into play. The second is the smell produced by the pheromone, which is recognized by an organ on the wall of the sinuses. Therefore, one person’s smell for us looks like “mine, attracts”, while the other, on the contrary, “is not mine”.
Passion is a feeling that evokes very strong emotions due to the powerful release of adrenaline and neurotrophins into the blood, which act like a drug. That's why we like to experience attraction so much.
For a person, this feeling is like a long-awaited, fresh breath, giving an incredible amount of strength, a storm of emotions, and an incredible increase in motivation.
Have you already been impressed by this explosive mixture of biochemistry and mental processes? But unlike animals, we make decisions using reason and logic. You can give in to passions (this is human nature), but whether to give in to passions is an ethical and psychological question for everyone.
How to Create Sexual Tension and Passion in a Relationship
In the female half, passion for the opposite sex lasts longer and is maintained through falling in love.
Efforts will have to be made to return passion to the relationship.
Experts advise paying attention to the following factors:
- Make your vacation varied . Try to attend events, celebrations, and restaurants together.
- Control your own appearance . A young couple should look attractive to each other. A well-chosen wardrobe, going to the gym, neatness and a good mood can do a lot.
- Make your other half jealous . When partners see that they are at risk of losing each other, they will begin to value each other again.
- Talk to each other about your feelings. We need to talk heart to heart more often, say kind and pleasant words.
- Abstinence . This may be a business trip or trip. Abstinence inflames sexual desire, which helps partners accumulate passion in order to experience passionate sex in the future.
- Prohibited places for men . You should not allow your spouse to do whatever he wants. Then he will be indifferent to what the chosen one wants. To maintain balance and harmonious relationships, you should not indulge all desires. In bed, both partners should enjoy themselves. If the body does not accept something, you should not agree to unpleasant things in order to please your other half.
How to bring back passion for your wife
- Invite your wife to a restaurant: when a man feeds a woman, she is more inclined to have sex.
- Let your wife feel that you care about her and dedicate all your victories to her: the feeling of security and safety that a woman receives from a man allows her to have crazy sex because the woman relaxes.
- Find out what your wife likes - in life and in bed. This will be the key to unlocking her vibrant sexuality. Knowing a woman’s vectors, you can always win her over. For example, a woman with a visual vector will be aroused by a huge bouquet of flowers, a woman with a skin vector will be aroused by a fashionable and expensive gift, and a girl with an anal vector will not give up without a long foreplay.
Stages of relationships between partners
Relationships based on love and sex go through 3 stages of development:
- Passionate relationships . The period when a partner looks at the object of adoration through “rose-colored glasses” adds imaginary characteristics to him. A few years later, the “rose-colored glasses” break, and the lover feels disappointed.
- True love with components of attraction . This level is characterized by the correct setting of priorities. Love feelings come first and control voluptuousness.
- Love . Not everyone experiences such relationships. This is a kind of calm harbor with constant calm. Such relationships can get boring for one of the couple, and then he will go in search of the required experiences on the side. However, when partners are satisfied with such relationships and feel positive emotions, then the marriage will be strong.
Signs of physical attraction
Based on love and sexual attraction, long-term relationships are created that end in marriage. In order not to make a fatal mistake, everyone must distinguish between these sensations.
Long-term relationships are created based on love and sexual attraction
If a family is created at the stage of a passionate relationship, the marriage will not bring happiness. When the attraction subsides, close contact between partners will be interrupted.
Main symptoms of passion:
- the body of the other half causes unhealthy interest and attraction;
- relationships are based on flirting, not heart-to-heart conversations;
- an important sign is the appearance of excessive jealousy and fear of losing a partner;
- fictitious characteristics are added to the object of adoration, there is no desire to look at the partner with a sober look;
- maximum interest in one's own personality is constantly expected;
- general leisure is limited to sex and fun;
- marriage is more like a relationship between lovers than spouses.
Why does desire arise?
People are attracted to each other by natural instincts aimed at procreation. We select the person most suitable to pass on good genes to children.
Women are attracted to successful men. Their wealth, strength and determination will allow them to feed their family, and their status in society is an indicator of intelligence and, therefore, excellent genes. Natural concern for future descendants explains the desire of men for young girls, because they are more attractive and healthy.
Do all men cheat? Why does cheating happen?
E. Fromm distinguished between rational passions (for example, love) and irrational passions (greed, vanity, etc.). Rational passions are viable. They lead to a person’s self-affirmation, enhance his sense of joy, contribute to the manifestation of his integrity and give meaning to his life. Irrational passions, on the contrary, interfere with a person’s life, undermine his strength, lead to duality and loss of the meaning of life. A person is possessed by such passions as the need for love, tenderness, solidarity, freedom, truth, on the one hand, and the thirst for power, submission, destruction, on the other. All these and many other passions lead him through life, become the cause of worries and anxieties, and are the source that feeds dreams, myths, legends, religions, art, and literature.
How to ignite your passion? 10 ways to enhance sexual activity
If there are problems in relationships with the opposite sex, you can always seek help from a specialist. An experienced psychologist will help resolve the issue. There is no need to isolate yourself. Any negative emotion must be spoken out.
There are 10 main ways to enhance sexual activity:
- Unleash your imagination . Watching pornographic films, literary works with an immodest plot and depiction of sexual details, love melodramas can arouse sexual desire.
- Sports . Fitness classes and physical activity increase the amount of testosterone, because athletes have a higher level of this hormone than other people.
- Aromatherapy . Some scents are used to bring excitement to bed, create a romantic atmosphere, and lift your spirits.
- SPA salons . A hot bath can relax you and remove fatigue, which will not harm you for long sexual marathons.
- Nutrition . A healthy diet and interest in your own health will help you feel better.
- Praise from the guys . A woman loves with her ears. Warm and gentle words will awaken attraction.
- Tanning and ultraviolet radiation have a beneficial effect on the skin, promote the formation of vitamin D and increase testosterone.
- Healthy sleep . The female half of humanity usually needs more sleep than the male half. Don't skimp on healthy sleep.
- Impact on erogenous areas . For girls, such a place is considered to be the neck. You can use drop earrings to target this area and increase attraction. Others may be aroused by gentle touching of the breasts. The entire skin is susceptible to tactile contact. Experiment.
- A little wine . Alcoholic drinks make women less enslaved. The main thing is to know when to stop. One glass of wine will only do you good.
