How to raise a confident child and strengthen his self-esteem: 10 ways

Self-confidence, self-confidence (it is worth emphasizing that adequate and justified conviction) is a condition that ensures the viability of an individual, the successful development of a person as an individual and an active member (subject) of society, a professional, a spouse, a parent.

Children's age is most susceptible to decadent tendencies. From birth, a child begins to get to know himself and the world. He tries, makes mistakes, learns the laws of society, the rules of communication, the laws of friendship, love and other relationships.

At every age stage, there is a high risk of losing faith in one’s own strengths: failure in studies, rejection in a team, a “broken” heart, and more. The task of a competent parent is to help a child or teenager survive a moment of failure, find the strength to believe in themselves and act.

How to tell if your child is confident

Traits of a confident person:

• manifestation of positive emotions when meeting new people;
• long-term friendships;
• calm demeanor;
• adequate response to critical comments from adults and peers;
• calm recognition of another person’s success, acceptance of one’s own failures;
• self-respect, understanding of one’s rights, the ability to defend them in front of peers and adults;
• perseverance, determination;
• having one’s own opinion, lacking a “herd” instinct.

By analyzing, analyzing in detail a person’s behavior in different situations, you can understand the strengths and weaknesses of character.

Increasing self-esteem for schoolchildren (6–10 years old)

For the first time, a schoolchild has two important motives: “ to be like everyone else ” and “ to be different from everyone else, to be better .” The first is needed when general rules apply. The second arises in conditions of competition and appeals to pride. If a child succeeds in competition, his self-esteem increases.

• Help develop his personal special skill: artistic or technical.
• Take part in a relay race, an Olympiad, or promise a reward for success in a math test. Don't forget to praise for minimal progress and motivate for the next step.
• Instilling confidence in a ten-year-old is very simple: explain that you are proud of him, his skills, his best qualities. That you love him not for something, but because he exists, you value him as a person and are ready to help.

Children are very responsive to the sincerity of adults and to an instructive, friendly tone.

They are happy to make contact, even after serious conflicts. However, it is better to avoid conflicts.

How to help your child become self-confident

Smart parents purposefully develop a sense of confidence in their daughter or son, and they should:

• praise the child if, thanks to work and perseverance, he has achieved a goal;
• set feasible goals, teach patience, the ability to gradually approach the goal;
• set up for a favorable outcome of affairs, situations;
• encourage, support, say more often: “You can do it!”;
• communicate as with an equal, listen to his opinion;
• do not accuse of shyness, timidity;
• encourage communication with younger children;
• avoid comparison with others.

Compliance with the listed rules will help to engender the sprouts of self-esteem in a child’s mind and strengthen this quality, because the process of developing a personality is not easy and quick. In the future, the child will pleasantly surprise you with his “steel” character.

Recommendations: how to raise a child into a successful adult

1. If you want to change anything in your child, start with yourself. Remember, children copy their parents.
2. Praise your child for successes and do not scold for failures.
3. Tell your child what is useful, not what not to do.
4. Make up short suggestion formulas with your child like: “I am the best”, “I am successful”.
5. Learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. If your child doesn’t know how to sing beautifully, tell him: “But you can draw great!”
6. Tell your baby more often how much you love him and that you believe in him.
7. Support all your child's endeavors, even if they seem strange to you.
8. Try to always be objective in relation to the various actions of your child.

How to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem in a child: 10 tips

Smart parents pay attention to the psychological development of the child from one year of age.

Psychologists have identified the top 10 most effective tips on how to help your child overcome fear and self-doubt:

1. Increase your own authority, show willpower. The baby takes an example from his parents, repeats his behavior, and perceives different situations in a similar way. Parents with low self-esteem grow up to have the same children, and vice versa.
2. Adequately assess the child’s successes and talents. It's bad to underestimate a baby. However, an inflated bar that he is not able to overcome can forever undermine self-confidence. Don't over-praise for ordinary things. Only new achievements should be highlighted.
3. Give the correct instructions. The following phrases are prohibited: “You won’t succeed,” “Woe is my onion,” “You won’t get anything good from you.” On the contrary, you need to set yourself up for positivity, success, and say more often: “Don’t be afraid, you can handle it,” “Everything will be fine!”
4. Have a heart-to-heart talk. It is necessary to establish a trusting relationship with your son or daughter, calmly discuss problems, and find a way out. Understand what worries and scares the little person, help him understand himself. He must accept himself as he is, with all his shortcomings and advantages.
5. Play teaching. A suitable option for any age. The main thing is to create a difficult situation during the game, which you need to solve yourself.
6. Take them to various sections and clubs. The additional skills and successes acquired will allow the little person to be proud of himself and increase self-esteem.
7. Develop communication skills. If there are problems communicating with peers, you need to help solve them. In the case of small children, organize a home children's party. In a familiar environment, they feel more confident, and strong contact is established between them.
8. React appropriately to mistakes. Anyone can make a mistake. You cannot express dissatisfaction with a child; you can only criticize the action itself.
9. Foster a sense of responsibility. Periodically give simple instructions and demand their timely execution. There should be daily chores that are feasible for age.
10. Develop a sense of purpose in a child. It is imperative to instill the idea that any work started must be persistently completed. Having achieved what they want, the boy or girl will believe that they can cope with more complex tasks.

Attention! If you cannot cope with psychological problems on your own, seek a solution from qualified psychologists.

Examples of training exercises

You can use training techniques when working with teenagers.

Finding the reasons for actions

There is one method that allows you to understand yourself, increase the level of self-control and self-esteem, discover the true motives of your actions, that is, work with what was mentioned at the beginning of this article.

The task of parents is to familiarize their son or daughter with this method. You can carry out the technique alone or with someone (if desired). You can also discuss the results later if you wish.

So, the exercise is done at the end of the day. All actions carried out during the day are recorded on a large sheet of paper (yes, up to the banal “eat”). Then they write their reasons (Why did I do this?). Then the reasons for the reasons are recorded, and so on. In the end, all actions always come down to several main reasons:

• I must do this (duty);
• an accident (I don’t know and don’t understand how it happened);
• this is my need;
• This is a habit of mine that I don't want/can't get rid of.

If there is no exact formulation of the reason, then it is written “I wanted it this way, and I am responsible for it.” The more such formulations are produced, the more strong-willed and self-confident a person can be called.

Self-hypnosis

You can also try using self-hypnosis. This is a training exercise that has proven its benefits in many areas of psychology. Its essence is in pronouncing (preferably out loud) verbal attitudes.

1. You need to take a comfortable position and relax. There are no strict requirements for posture or environment, since everyone has their own comfort: some relax only with music, others in silence.
2. After which you need to say: “I have the right to success. I have the right to happiness. I have the right to independence. I have the right to be seen and listened to. I have the right to get what I want and what I deserve. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. That's why I believe in myself."

Arguing with yourself

Another good technique for increasing confidence is arguing with yourself.

• The shortcomings visible to a person are written on a piece of paper, and then counter arguments are selected in counterbalance. For example, “it’s difficult for me to make quick decisions, but I weigh and think about my every action.”
• This method can be modified and used with young children. For example, if a small child complains to you that he is called “tight”, “boring”, “boring” (depending on the situation), answer that he is reasonable, and this is a good quality that is useful for life.

Visualization of success

The next technique is visualization of success. Memorable photos from important events, certificates, letters of honor, simply a description of one’s own successes or positive qualities in any creative form are compiled into a collage, which is attached to a prominent place.

It's actually easy to boost your child's confidence. It is important to talk to him, be open yourself, and lead by example.

• For a person who is confident in his own abilities, there are no limits. Previous victories inspire new ones.
• An insecure person, on the contrary, is afraid to try something new and always expects failure in the familiar.

The result is completely different approaches to life and ways of interacting with the world. An insecure person is not happy. Therefore, dear parents, make your children happy! Invest in their future confidence.

Mental disorders

Sometimes only a psychotherapist can explain to parents how to help their child become self-confident. The fact is that childhood is the period of primary manifestations of neuroses and other mental disorders. Stressful exposure activates the underlying mechanisms of pathology. These can be minor illnesses that can be quickly corrected, or serious illnesses.

Mental pathologies in which the patient is unable to be self-confident:

• Anxious personality disorder. Symptoms of the disease include everyday anxiety, phobias and decreased mood. Against the background of chronic anxiety, psychosomatic conditions sometimes develop. The patient is afraid to communicate with other people and take part in any activity associated with any responsibility. An avoidant personality type is formed.
• Social phobia is a personality disorder in which a key symptom is a tendency to isolate. Children suffering from this disease prefer to spend as much time as possible at home. All aspects of social life are scary and stressful. The adaptation mechanism is disrupted.
• Depression is a persistent decrease in mood, manifested by apathy, weakness, irritability and constant sadness. In this case, the patient refuses entertainment, food and participation in any activity due to decreased motivation. This is a dangerous disorder that often occurs in childhood and adolescence. Children 6-8 years old often show the first signs of the disease.
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder, in which anxious thoughts constantly arise and affect behavior. Specific “rituals” are formed that force one to perform seemingly meaningless actions to eliminate anxiety. For example, the patient may constantly move objects or wash their hands several times in a row. OCD disrupts the quality of social interactions and reduces self-esteem.

Lack of self-confidence can be a cause or consequence of a mental disorder.

Do what you're afraid of

One of the main reasons for fear is the unknown. The more unusual the situation is for you, the more afraid you are. It turns out to be a vicious circle: you avoid certain conditions, so you don’t get used to them, so you are afraid. To break it, you have to take a risk.

Action Plan : Does public speaking make your hands shake with fear? Raise your hand more often in class, take reports, and at the same time ask to be the presenter of some event or go to a theater club. Are you afraid to make phone calls? Call somewhere at least once a day: check opening hours, ask questions about the assortment.

Result : At first it will be scary, but gradually your communication skills in circumstances that frighten you will improve. You will act automatically, and at the same time you will see that you will encounter a negative reaction very rarely, if not never.

Signs of self-doubt

Low self-esteem manifests itself in all aspects of life, but in the early stages of development there may be no obvious signs of such a trait. There are age-related features of increased reflexivity that are worth paying attention to. This is behavior in different situations, facial expressions, emotions, quality of sleep, nutrition and other traits.

The main signs of uncertainty:

• taciturnity, avoidance of answers;
• irritability and hysterical behavior;
• refusal to eat or binge eating;
• sleep disturbance, insomnia;
• the desire to spend as much time alone as possible;
• refusal to spend active time due to far-fetched reasons;
• external stiffness, stoop;
• poor facial expressions and reduced emotional reactions;
• lack of friends and acquaintances at school;
• presence of recurring fears and phobias;
• reluctance to meet new people, including relatives;
• biting nails and lips, expectant posture;
• decreased physical activity, increased body weight;
• causeless aggression;
• constant feeling of shame.

Self-doubt does not always manifest itself in such signs, but it is necessary to pay attention to these aspects of behavior. Often children try to hide the manifestations of complexes from their parents, which makes it difficult to detect the problem. It is important to understand that indirect signs of psychological ill-being are often more important than external qualities.

Reasons for uncertainty

The causes of childhood self-doubt are usually associated with individual mental characteristics, upbringing, socialization and the state of the body. The listed factors directly determine the quality of social life. It is important to understand that active personality maturation occurs in childhood, so the child is not yet able to abstract from stress factors. Consciousness absorbs any life experience, on the basis of which character traits are formed.

Main reasons:

• Psychological adaptation disorder

This may be an individual characteristic dictated by genes, or an acquired condition. Children experience any failures hard and cannot cope with difficulties in the future. The mechanism of learned helplessness is activated: previous failures warn the individual against trying to cope with new problems. Everyday anxiety appears. Chronic stress, not reflected by the adaptive mechanism, increasingly deforms the personality.

• Low quality of social interactions

This is a key reason for self-doubt, since it is interpersonal relationships that are the basis for the development of character traits. Learned patterns of interaction with people are difficult to change in the future.

• Psychological disorders

Children often suffer from neuroses and more serious mental disorders. Signs of such ailments include unmotivated anxiety, panic attacks and persistent low mood. Lack of self-confidence may be an immediate complication of this disorder. Psychological or psychotherapeutic support may be required.

You can become confident at any age, but you need to understand exactly what circumstances “feed” low self-esteem.

What qualities need to be developed in boys?

1. Independence. A man must be able to make the right decisions and rely on himself. In the future, the son will learn to establish contacts, take responsibility, and be responsible for his own actions.
2. Ability to analyze . Teach your son to draw conclusions from any situation, correctly evaluate himself and others, analyze the behavior of people and the situation. He must understand what he is capable of, and also be able to distinguish between good and evil.
3. Sympathy . It is wrong to think that a man should not empathize and sympathize. On the contrary, develop this quality in your son. Learning empathy will help develop self-confidence.

Maturation period

Nervous system development does not stop after birth. The brain, which is responsible for regulating the body and maintaining cognitive abilities, continues to change. Transitional reflexes disappear and new neural connections are established. The cerebral cortex actively increases its potential, helping the individual acquire new knowledge and skills. Education and socialization influence the final processes of formation of the nervous system. For this reason, a 4-5 year old child is especially susceptible to chronic stress and other negative factors.

The adaptation mechanism plays an important role in the formation of personality traits. The brain must protect its own structures from adverse effects. Children learn to cope with difficulties and focus on the positive aspects of life. At this time, the family should provide all possible support to strengthen the protective reflexes of the psyche. Home should be a place of calm, not a new zone for coping with difficulties. An unfavorable family environment creates the preconditions for decreased socialization and disruption of the adaptive functions of consciousness.

10-12 year old children encounter a new maturation factor. The reproductive system gradually develops, affecting the brain and other organs. The level of sex hormones increases. The body begins to change rapidly. Teenagers often grow disproportionately, which is why complexes appear. In addition, hormonal levels change the nature of social needs.