How to gain self-confidence: regain your former self-esteem in your abilities and not lose your status, psychology of satisfaction

A person can be immensely talented, educated and competent in his field, but remain unnoticed his entire life. And the reason for this is a lack of self-confidence. How to regain your self-confidence and decide to self-disclose? Let's discuss this topic on the blog!

Why does a person lose self-confidence?

There are several reasons for self-doubt:

• features of upbringing in the parental family. Sometimes mother, father and other significant adults believe that you should not praise a child so that he does not grow up selfish or too narcissistic. The child receives only negative feedback, that is, criticism of his mistakes, and gets used to not paying attention to successes. This self-perception stereotype persists into adulthood. It is difficult to get rid of it, because a person’s self-image is formed under the influence of parents, whose authority on a subconscious level is not questioned;
• past failures. Trying to do something, any person undergoes a number of failures along the way. Not everything works out the first time. And some continue to move forward, while others give up, give up and come to the conclusion that they are devoid of abilities and talents;
• comparing oneself with ideal images. Some people compare themselves to businessmen, showmen, artists and writers who have achieved great success in life. And it seems to them that they will never achieve similar results. This view can lead to the abandonment of any attempts to express oneself. Psychologists advise comparing yourself not with other people, but with yourself from the past. Then small successes will become more obvious, and self-doubt will be replaced by the thought of the need to move on.

How to properly overcome a woman’s lack of confidence in communication: advice from psychologists

Lack of confidence usually interferes with normal communication - a woman experiences awkwardness and anxiety, believing that she is perceived poorly and will inevitably be criticized. You should not make a mistake that will only make the situation worse. Psychologists recommend paying attention to the topic of the conversation, without trying to entice the interlocutor or gain his favor. When concentrating on precisely these goals, it is easy to lose the thread of the conversation; a woman can begin to answer inappropriately or become silent altogether, completely confused.

Psychology claims that the emotions and body of a woman and a man are a single whole. If you try to evoke a positive emotional attitude and smile during the conversation (depending on the topic, if the communication is serious, a smile will be perceived incorrectly), you can easily forget about awkwardness, gain confidence and even radically change your psychological state.

Psychologists recommend that as the conversation continues, a woman carefully monitor her own behavior and body position, this helps to gain confidence:

• do not slouch, sit or stand straight;
• do not pull your head into your shoulders, it is better to stick your chin forward a little;
• take a free pose (if the conversation takes place in a sitting position), lean comfortably against the back of a sofa or chair;
• do not forget about eye contact - do not lower your eyes, do not try to look away or hide your gaze from your interlocutor, especially if this is also a woman.

To become more self-confident, psychology also suggests reconsidering your attitude towards others. Often women believe that their bosses, a beautiful girlfriend or a beloved man have more weight and significance for others. Psychologists suggest getting rid of such thoughts and regaining confidence by carefully examining your actions or achievements. No two people are the same, and a woman will certainly have the best traits that others do not have. Be sure to comprehend your own value - even the most homely woman will have positive characteristics that distinguish her favorably in society.

Even in conversations with best friends or family, women who lack confidence find it difficult to avoid negative attacks in their direction. It is not recommended to take them too seriously and immediately panic. A careful analysis of the conversation will inevitably reveal that the attacks are unfounded.

A woman’s feeling of guilt is also inappropriate in this case, especially if there are no negative actions. It is also recommended to analyze the behavior of the interlocutor, who may try to dump all the negativity on the first person he comes across or make attempts to manipulate. After careful examination of the conversation, it often turns out that responsibility is caused by the misdeeds of others and the negative emotions of the interlocutor.

Among the psychologist's advice on how to become self-confident, there is also a lot of information for women on how to behave correctly with others. The first rule of psychology is not to be constantly on guard, suspecting everyone of trickery or insincerity. As a result, these feelings will become a major factor negatively affecting confidence.

The reason for a woman’s lack of trust in others and constant vigilance is also often psychological trauma. In this case, it is better not to try to influence consciousness on your own - it is recommended to visit a doctor, undergo an examination, or use the help of a psychologist. In case of severe psychological trauma, the roots of which stretch back to the distant past, the woman will have to undergo a hypnosis session to get rid of feelings of guilt and unpleasant memories.

Features of female socialization and self-esteem

Patriarchal attitudes are still strong in our society. That is, the male gender is considered a priority and such qualities as courage, bravery, and the ability to quickly make decisions in a difficult situation are attributed to it. Women are dictated to be weak, submissive, and passive. How to restore self-confidence to a woman in such conditions? After all, society itself seems to insist that one should be timid, fearful and indecisive.

The first thing you should do is explore your own personality. Numerous psychological tests and personality questionnaires can help with this. Thanks to them, you can learn much more about yourself and realize that there are no inherently male and female mental qualities. The second step is to evaluate existing achievements. Work, education, work invested in raising children, creative success: all this should raise self-esteem.

You can do a simple self-confidence exercise. You should take a piece of paper and write down all your successes and achievements that seem significant. It is advisable to have at least 10 points. You need to write everything that comes to mind: from graduating from a prestigious university to the ability to cross-stitch or knit. This list can be supplemented and changed at your discretion. But it is important that it is always in front of your eyes. He will regularly remind you that a woman has enough strength and abilities to achieve her goals.

On the second sheet you need to write what achievements the woman would like to make in the future. The list should also be hung in a visible place so that you are better aware of your goals and remember to take steps to implement them. This simple exercise will help you simultaneously keep in mind the goals you need to achieve and remember your resources, that is, your potential and abilities.

Men and self-confidence

Men are often prevented from gaining self-confidence by too severe demands put forward by society. It is believed that a representative of the stronger sex must be successful, earn a lot, support his family, and play sports. Failure to meet these requirements leads to feelings of self-disappointment and frustration.

How to restore self-confidence to a man? First of all, you should remember that all people are different and the pace of personal development may differ. You can’t get everything at once; you have to move towards any goal in small steps.

It is important to be aware of your aspirations and take daily actions to achieve them. Gradually, goals will begin to become more and more realistic, and self-esteem will rise.

Child and self-confidence

Children often lose self-confidence due to their parents' misbehavior. How to restore self-confidence to a child? Psychologists give the following recommendations:

• Praise your child for his achievements, even those that seem insignificant. Adults often forget that children find it more difficult to do things that at first glance seem simple. Cleaning the room, washing the dishes, doing homework: all this deserves praise. The child should be praised for being able to put on his socks or lace his shoes. So he will begin to believe that he can cope with tasks on his own, and does it well;
• discuss the reasons for failure. Under no circumstances should you label your child, for example, calling him a poor student or an ignoramus. The reasons why the child failed to do something should be discussed in order to find the reasons for the failure and eliminate them together. For example, instead of shouting and forcing him to study a subject that is not given to the student at school, you can explain a complex theorem or hire a tutor. It is important to let your child know that failure is a normal part of life. It makes it possible to identify your weaknesses and eliminate them, and is not a reason for self-doubt or refusal to try;
• work together. You can “lend” your child your resources to help him achieve his goals. This will make it clear that teamwork allows you to achieve success faster. Play sports together, discuss the books you have read, making it clear that your child’s point of view is important to you, and help them find the information they need. It is important to work with the child, and not instead of him;
• to be an example. Children always follow the example of their parents. This applies to both good and bad. If you verbally assert that it is important to be confident in yourself, but at the same time behave in the opposite way, what will be learned is what is done, not what is said. Therefore, if parents want to form high self-esteem in their child, they must first of all work on themselves.

Excellent student complex - how to cope?

In psychology there is a special term that is used to describe insecure women who strive to be ideal and do not have the right to even the slightest mistake in their actions. The excellent student complex is cultivated from childhood, and the culprits for the decline in self-esteem are parents who demand good grades, cleanliness in clothes, and a neat and impeccable appearance. In adult life, women who received such an upbringing try to achieve only ideal results in everything, and shortcomings end in a burning feeling of guilt or shame.

Women with an excellent student complex find it difficult to work in a team - bosses and colleagues try to shift all the routine and complex work and important decisions onto their shoulders. Such manipulations, as psychologists warn, lead to a decrease in self-esteem, especially if it was not possible to achieve a positive result or even slight mistakes were made.

Is it possible to correct the situation and how to become a strong and self-confident woman - psychology suggests dealing with this problem in a simple way. In case of self-destruction, which inevitably begins when a mistake is made, it is recommended to remember your childhood, feelings and sensations that develop against the background of your parents’ comments. Women should not be subjected to self-flagellation and shower themselves with insults for wrong actions - it is better to conduct a thorough analysis of the committed act and develop several options for eliminating mistakes in the future.

Personal aspect of self-confidence

There are no absolutely insecure people. Everyone has a certain area of ​​activity in which they feel competent. Every person knows the feeling of confidence. It is only important to extend it to other areas of your life.

How to do it? First of all, answer simple questions:

• What gives you self-confidence? The feeling that the work was done well, the appreciation of others, the joy of the activity? It is important to remember that everyone has their own criteria for success, and you need to know what increases your self-esteem;
• How does the feeling of confidence feel on the bodily level? Maybe you feel a surge of energy, a desire to move, or, on the contrary, you want to freeze to enjoy success;
• When was the last time you felt inner confidence in your abilities? Remember the moment when you felt at your best, try to reproduce it in your memory as accurately as possible.

The answers to these questions will help you understand what it means to you to be confident. You must understand what goal you are striving for and what internal sensations arise in a situation of success.

Exploring your personality

Before you take action, you should examine yourself. Psychological tests, for example, the Raidas test, can help with this. This technique is intended for people over 18 years of age. It allows you to assess how satisfied you are with your past and current achievements and how they affect your self-esteem.

It is also recommended to take the Eysenck temperament test. Knowing your temperament is very important, since self-esteem largely depends on it. For example, melancholic people tend to doubt their own abilities and be indecisive, while sanguine people actively move towards their goal, even if they often encounter failures. Phlegmatic people more often rationally assess their strengths than representatives of other types of temperament, and choleric people have unstable self-esteem, which can change throughout the day depending on current events.

Psychology: how to become a confident person?

Identify your vulnerabilities. What usually makes you feel embarrassed and ashamed? This could be any little thing, from freckles to an offense committed out of stupidity in early youth. Realize and write down on paper a list of factors that influence your self-esteem. Try to remember the first time you experienced discomfort associated with these circumstances. Perhaps words spoken a long time ago by a classmate, colleague or first partner have sunk into your soul?

Focus not on the content of the comment, but on the reason why it was made. What happened in this person’s life and your relationship that he allowed himself to speak rudely to you? Perhaps he was offended by you or was simply trying to manipulate you? Is your acquaintance an expert of such authority that he can evaluate your qualities and abilities? For example, one of the founders of theoretical physics, Nobel Prize winner Einstein did not show any talent for science as a child, and his uncle liked to repeat: “It’s okay, Albert, not everyone becomes a professor, and you will be someone.”

Get rid of the habit of comparing your successes with the achievements of others not in your favor. There will always be people who are more successful at something than you. As are those who are deprived of your talents. Moreover, one and the same person can be both worse in some ways and better in others than you. Do not forget that achieving success is influenced not only by personal efforts, but also by physical, social, and economic reasons. Therefore, there is no point in comparing yourself with others. The ideal is unattainable. It is much more constructive to compare only your own achievements of today and yesterday.

Confidence Exercise: Acting

Self-confidence exercises may seem strange, but they really work. Often psychologists use an exercise called “Transformation”.

Surely you have met a person in your life who is confident in himself and has achieved great success. This could be a friend of yours, a book hero, a famous businessman, or any public figure. Choose someone who you would like to be like, who also seems to you to be truly successful and has high self-esteem.

Remember how this person talks, how he holds his head, how he walks. Try to transform into him for a while, copying his manner of behavior and speech. Perform simple household tasks, such as mopping the floors, as the person you choose would do. Remember how you felt at the same time, how your reincarnation affected the results of your activities.

Try stepping into this role in situations where you need confidence, such as when you want to talk to your boss about a promotion. Surely people will begin to react to you differently, and you will feel that your self-esteem has become higher. Gradually, you will learn to behave and look confident, such behavior will become natural for you.

Find motive

Self-confidence is a feeling that is formed through the experience of any achievements. If a person does not know what he wants and does not develop, he cannot be confident in his abilities. A motivated person believes in himself, radiates optimism and confidence.

Therefore, it is important to work with your goals. How to do it? Here are the simple steps:

• try to realize your true goals. Write on a piece of paper everything you would like to achieve in life, trying not to listen to the voice of your inner critic. At this stage, you can mention any goals: building a house, moving abroad, skydiving, or getting a science degree;
• Mark in red the goals that are most significant to you and are truly yours, and in green - those that are imposed on you by society. You should work only with those aspirations that are in tune with your personality and resonate in your soul;
• Choose among the “red” goals those that you would like to achieve in the coming years. It is advisable to leave two or three;
• write down your main goals in a notebook. Under each, you should create a list of steps that will bring you closer to achieving the desired result. It is important that the goals are achievable in reality, otherwise you risk being disappointed in yourself. The result should be a plan to achieve a goal that motivates and energizes you.

Once you realize your true needs, start taking action. Every day you should take steps that bring you closer to achieving your dreams. Even a small step brings the goal closer. Want to write a book? Make it a habit to write two pages every day. In three months the book will be ready. Do you dream of losing weight? Stop traveling on public transport and buy a machine that you can use for 15 minutes a day. The result will not be noticeable immediately, but sooner or later it will become obvious not only to you, but also to those around you. And it raises your self-esteem. After all, efforts will be rewarded.

When performing this exercise, you must not forget to set a time frame. You must determine when you will achieve your goal: in a week, in a year or in a month. The deadlines can be changed depending on the circumstances, but they must be indicated. Otherwise you won't have the motivation to move forward.

Inventing home beauty rituals

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Affirmations

Affirmations are short statements that are recommended to be repeated throughout the day to achieve the desired state of mind. This is not a conspiracy or prayer for self-confidence, but a psychological exercise that directly affects the subconscious.

Affirmations are formulated as follows:

• choose a statement that resonates with your inner state, or make one up. The statement should consist of several words and be extremely concise, for example: “I believe in myself and achieve everything I want”;
• write the statement on paper and hang it in a visible place, such as above your office desk or on the refrigerator;
• Repeat the affirmation to yourself 20-30 times every day. You can do this any time you want.

It is important that the affirmation gives you an inner lift and charges you with a good mood. Soon you will notice that your self-esteem is growing and your achievements are increasing.

Signs of insecurity

Girls with low self-esteem are afraid of publicity, look stupid and clumsy, cannot stand criticism, see a catch in everything, and, of course, do not know how to accept compliments. For them, the role of victim is quite natural.

In order not to fall into the network of inferiority, you need to listen to yourself and your feelings, be able to respond in a timely manner to alarm signals given by your inner voice, and monitor your physical and emotional state.

Clear signs of insecurity include:

• unreasonable internal discomfort;
• fear of expressing your point of view in a group;
• negative reaction to the opinions of others;
• emotional instability;
• fear of the unknown;
• self-affirmation at the expense of others.

Books worth reading

Another way to boost your self-esteem is to read books that will help you gain self-confidence:

• Eric Larsen, "On the Limit." A week without self-pity." The author of the book suggests testing yourself for strength. In the book you will find a program to increase self-esteem, designed for one week. Over the course of seven days, you will complete difficult tasks, giving up bad habits and playing sports, maintaining a daily routine and achieving the proposed goals. After the course, you will realize that you have learned how to use your time correctly and will understand how to change your life for the better;
• Anthony Robert, "The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence." The author invites readers to think about what willpower is and teaches them to make decisions and act based on the assigned tasks. You will learn to correctly assess your environment in order to determine which people communicate with which increases your self-esteem, and with whom it is advisable not to have anything in common;
• Clarissa Pinkola Estes, "Runner with the Wolves" The author explains how to regain femininity and self-confidence, revealing the sacred meaning of female images in fairy tales collected from all over the world. After reading the book, every woman will be able to discover new facets of character, get rid of fictional shackles and the influence of stereotypes imposed by society;
• Pierre Frank, “How to become self-confident. Just 6 minutes a day. Training book." This book is a real gift for those who do not have the opportunity to attend expensive psychological trainings. The author offers a number of simple exercises that will take no more than 6 minutes a day. Thanks to them, you will learn a lot about yourself and your goals, learn to overcome shyness and develop high self-esteem;
• Anne Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea. The book was written by a mother of five children and an aviator, who one day decided to change her life and went to the sea. Ann managed to change her attitude towards people and herself, and she teaches this to everyone. After reading the book, you will learn to distinguish the important from the secondary, begin to appreciate your desires and gain confidence in your own capabilities. Lindbergh describes in detail the psychology of self-confidence and contentment, making it clear that every person is capable of doing much more than he thinks.

How not to lose confidence

How not to lose self-confidence? Proceed as follows:

• Don't listen to other people's comments. Sometimes people make comments simply because they want to advance themselves at someone else's expense. Learn to appreciate constructive criticism and ignore empty quibbles;
• don't compare yourself to other people. You should only compare yourself to your past self. Then you will see how you gradually develop, master new skills, and begin to do your job better. By setting the bar too high, you can once and for all lose your sense of self-confidence;
• Praise yourself for every achievement. Make it a habit to remember your small successes every evening or keep a diary in which you will write down what you managed to accomplish during the day;
• constantly develop. How to regain self-esteem and self-confidence? Don't stand still and move forward. Read, watch good films, communicate with competent people, develop logical thinking;
• Learning new skills will help you regain confidence in yourself and your abilities and not lose your status. Physical development entails spiritual development. Try making art. Learn to draw, play a musical instrument. This way you will not only be able to express yourself, but you will also see the results of your exercises every day;
• If you don't know how to regain your former self-confidence, perhaps you are used to seeing only your failures and attach too much importance to them. Any mistake is not a fiasco, but feedback from the world. Thanks to failures, you understand what is worth working on, in what direction you need to develop. Remember: only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Lost self-confidence? What to do? Just continue to act, taking into account the experience gained and adjusting your behavior.

Looking for a hobby

Confident women are actively engaged in self-development. If you don’t like your figure, sign up for dancing or going to the gym. If it seems that we are not successful enough, we go to lectures, business trainings or language courses. We sing and dance for the soul. This will distract you from problems, and even the smallest successes in your favorite business will make you proud of yourself. If you lack motivation, we can be inspired by examples of bloggers who have radically changed their lives.

Self-confidence and work

How to regain self-confidence at work? Follow these guidelines:

1. try not to communicate with colleagues who criticize you too often and make groundless remarks;
2. Try to make a to-do list and complete it throughout the day. By crossing off tasks, you will see that your efforts are not in vain;
3. get a talisman. It’s worth remembering what gives you self-confidence and keeping an object associated with it in your workplace. It could be a photo, a toy, a stone found during a trip. The main thing is that the talisman evokes pleasant emotions and reminds you that nothing is impossible for you.

How to regain lost self-confidence? Work on yourself, don’t give up and continue to achieve your goals and know your strengths! Self-doubt is just an excuse for those who are afraid to live actively and make their own decisions.

External image

The calling card of a strong and independent woman is her appearance, which consists of a combination of characteristics such as:

• attractiveness;
• facial expressions and gestures;
• wardrobe;
• manners.

Attractiveness does not mean beauty given to us from birth, but grooming, individuality and our own charm.

Facial expressions and movements should be controlled. Facial expressions, gestures and postures reveal your inner state. There is no need to fiddle with things, showing your insecurity. If you want to be liked, demonstrate only your attractiveness and sexuality, but in moderation.

Try to create your own style. The functions of the right wardrobe are to highlight your strengths and hide imperfections. Choose it not only in accordance with fashion standards, but also in accordance with age. Clothes should be clean, ironed and tastefully chosen.

Good manners are a sign of a well-mannered person. Watch your speech. Try not only to express your own opinion, but also to listen carefully to your interlocutor.