Hello, dear readers of my blog! Men with low self-esteem are a huge problem in our world! They are the ones who lie on the couch when the family has nothing to live on; they start wars and conflicts in order to assert themselves!
It turns out that even those men who give the impression of self-confident macho men can, deep down, be notorious and extremely insecure.
Surely among the men who are near and dear to you, there are such! Or maybe you are such a man - insecure, assessing yourself at the level of “below the baseboard”?
If so, you simply must read this article to the end! Here I will talk about the signs of low self-esteem and give clear recommendations for combating this extremely dangerous flaw.
What is self-esteem
Self-esteem is a sense of oneself, an idea of oneself as a person, an assessment of one’s place in society. These are attitudes, opinions, expectations in relation to one’s skills, knowledge and appearance.
It can be overestimated, adequate and underestimated - and the number of men with different levels of self-confidence is not the same. There are not so many people with unrealistically high self-image. Even if there is a feeling that many around consider themselves “kings,” more often such individuals have low self-esteem, and bravado is a cover.
There are more people who evaluate themselves correctly than those with inflated self-esteem, and most people suffer from low self-esteem to one degree or another.
The importance of self-esteem in a man's life
Depending on how adequate a man’s assessment of himself is, the following develop differently:
- relationships with the opposite sex (love, family);
- relationships with other men (friendships, work, family);
- professional activity;
- the whole vector of life - the presence or absence of long-term goals, bad habits, hobbies and interests.
Even if, with low self-esteem, a man builds his life in the way that society considers correct, he will not receive satisfaction. The feeling that happiness is not deserved, doubts, and self-flagellation turn life into hell.
A person is in a complex interaction between how he feels about himself and how this sense of self affects his life and the destinies of those close to him. Therefore, correcting low self-esteem is the goal of many trainings and a popular request for psychologists.
Positive consequences that your efforts can lead to
If you succeed, you will be the happiest woman in the world. Your partner will not only value himself, but will also adequately value you, your children, your relatives, and those around you. He will be able to provide you with stability and protection, will be able to earn money and guarantee you a decent financial position. You won’t have to pull everything on yourself; you will distribute all responsibilities and resolve any issue in a timely manner, without leading the situation to a serious problem.
Low self-esteem and its causes
Low self-esteem is characterized by lack of self-confidence, difficult experiences of failure, suspiciousness and dependence on the opinions of others. A minor problem in a particular area of life is very unsettling and affects other life decisions. A man thinks of himself as unworthy, and minor troubles confirm these pessimistic thoughts, and successes are ignored or attributed to random luck.
Like many psychological problems, the causes of insecurity come from childhood. Parents influence the child and his self-image. There is no other material for building self-esteem. Subsequent events either strengthen a decent self-esteem or destroy a healthy self-image.
Parents influence the boy in the following ways:
- Excessive punishment, criticism, scolding. Many adults are sure that praise has a bad effect on a child, especially a boy, and looking for negativity in any achievement will make him try harder. But that's not true. The child gets used to underestimating himself.
- If the child is only praised and the slightest whims are satisfied, he becomes a man who will have increased self-esteem. A large amount of enthusiasm for any action and protection from work and failure will result in problems in adulthood.
- If parents praise a boy for something that does not deserve praise, then self-doubt appears - the child cannot leave the feeling that praise is not deserved. There is no truthful assessment, and in the future a man is always looking for tricks and lies, because the self-assessment of activity is not formed correctly.
Subsequently, these attitudes are tested at school, in the yard and in communication with girls. If you're lucky, there will be a chance to compensate for parental influence. Success in school, sports, friendships, or other endeavors will instill confidence and improve self-esteem. But if a child is shy by nature, anxious and suggestible, then everything around him will only confirm his failure and the rightness of his squabbling parents.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
A child (and then a teenager, a young man, a man) faces failures, betrayals, and deception. To learn to cope with this, a strong positive sense of self must be instilled by parents.
Read more about the reasons for low self-esteem →
Useful tips: how to always be confident in yourself
Let's start right away with some simple advice.
Remember! If something is wrong in your life, it is your own fault. Perhaps it's been a long time since you took an important step to start earning more. The girl of your dreams did not appear in your life, because you preferred to follow the lead of the female sex, and those girls, at the sight of whom your heart usually skips a beat, passed you by.
We often do things that ruin our lives. But if we stew in the soup of memories of past failures, we men will not be able to reach the true heights of masculine confidence in the future.
In this regard, according to psychology, it is important, firstly, to accept the fact of the mistake, realize it and understand what led to its commission, and secondly, to set a goal that will help create a reality where this mistake simply will not exist , as well as change yourself if necessary to achieve your goal.
Also listen to the advice of a psychologist and start communicating with people whose self-esteem is completely fine. As a rule, these are successful men who have realized themselves in life as professionals in their field.
In addition, communicating with a person who is doing well is a good motivation for raising self-esteem. Maybe your business friend won’t change the course of your thinking in one sitting, but he can persuade you to think that the time has come to change, and you need to do it right now, not tomorrow.
Read useful literature. Books, unlike films, can change thinking; this is largely due to the way our brain perceives information. Be sure to read “7 Steps to Stable Self-Esteem” by Boris Litvak. “Mood therapy. A Clinically Proven Way to Beat Depression Without Pills" by David Burns is also worthy of your attention.
If you really want to become a guru in increasing your self-esteem, choose Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.”
Signs of low self-esteem in a man
Some owners are immediately visible. This person is stooped, looks at his feet, is nervous, uncommunicative and silent. He is embarrassed and rejects praise; shyness and timidity are noticeable.
But there are many signs of low self-esteem, and not all are so obvious. This complex has many symptoms.
Self-Humiliation
A man with self-doubt plays ahead of the curve - it seems to him that everyone around him perceives him as a loser, and is ahead of imaginary ill-wishers in criticizing himself.
Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .
Self-deprecating words relieve anxiety in a man:
- immediately warns of his inadequacy, and those around him will not be able to criticize him in case of failure;
- returns himself to a familiar environment where no achievement is ever assessed positively;
- relieves those around you of hopes about yourself.
This is what the situation looks like in the head of a person with a problematic self-assessment. In reality, this man can be both a scrupulous specialist who does not make mistakes, and a lazy person who has given up on himself.
Such a person supports humorous and serious indications of mistakes, he himself pays increased attention to his failures, and at any opportunity he recalls his bad decisions. If he is praised, he underestimates his merits.
As a result, his friends begin to treat him with contempt. At work, it is not possible to achieve career growth - management stops noticing achievements, and sometimes the man himself refuses a high position. Did not deserve. The attitude of friends and superiors confirms his perception of himself. The circle is closed.
Negative self-assessment of activities and systematic humiliation of oneself clearly reveals low self-esteem.
Over the course of life, self-esteem changes widely and is influenced by many events. So a quiet child can become a confident adult and vice versa.
Criticism of your partner
A man may not criticize himself (at least out loud), but humiliate his loved ones. Some believe that such a person perceives himself to be taller, smarter, better than others. But this is also a manifestation of an inferiority complex.
There are several reasons for this manifestation:
- Doubt in one's abilities. A man thinks a woman is too good for him. We urgently need to show her that she is not so beautiful/smart/interesting! Otherwise, she will see that she is dating a loser. And so - she will be glad that at least she found someone.
- Distrust of your taste. It is unlikely that he found such a beautiful girl. She's clearly bad at something. By humiliating his woman, a man humiliates himself - he never achieves anything good.
- Did not deserve. Why should he get a good girl? If he marries, it will be to the most unsightly woman. But he cannot decide to part with a lady who is too beautiful for him. And he begins to look for flaws in his partner.
All these thoughts and feelings are not realized; such a young man justifies himself by wanting the best for himself.
But people with strong self-esteem do not subject their loved ones to a barrage of criticism. They immediately choose the person with whom they are comfortable and do not torture others and themselves.
Apparent perfection in everything
Ideal people, for whom everything is in order, everything is grasped and thought out. Behind the surface gloss lies enormous anxiety. After all, a person with adequate self-esteem will not smooth out all the rough edges in his life - he accepts himself as he is. Admits mistakes, knows shortcomings. He can gradually get rid of them or compensate with virtues, but he will not arrange every action in accordance with some difficult-to-attain ideal.
Mr. Perfection spends his energy on the external manifestation of his infallibility. Every mistake causes such a blow to the personality that it is better not to make a mistake. The opinion of others, even strangers on the street, seems so important that it pushes the desires of the individual far back.
It seems to the man that everyone is looking at him and waiting for him to make a mistake. And even having achieved perfection, he doubts - he imagines laughter behind his back and criticism.
Unjustified pessimism
Uncertainty about the future, criticism of everything around, looking for minor flaws... All this is also a manifestation of problems with self-esteem. No matter how well things turn out, things are bad for this man. There is no reason to rejoice, even if he won a million - he will have to pay tax on the winnings, and his relatives will ask for gifts.
In this unusual way, the already familiar feeling of “not deserving” manifests itself. Whatever was done was bad, undignified and could have been better.
Some people are afraid to “jinx it” - if they express their joy about what happened, then everything will become bad later. So it’s better to be pessimistic right away. They do not believe that they can influence the situation, that it is possible to improve the situation on their own. Low self-esteem manifests itself in fatalism and complaints about life, which is unfair and difficult. The man feels small and insignificant.
Unjustified jealousy
A jealous man does not let a girl go for a walk with her friends; he sees a rival in every man, and a provocation and a desire to change in every outfit of his partner. Some women even like this attitude, as if this is an indicator of great love and its incredible beauty.
But the behavior of a jealous person does not speak about the power of love, and certainly not about the beauty and desirability of his partner. Only his doubts play a role here.
Situations are different, and there are women who maliciously deceive their partners, or those who, due to their psychological blocks, cannot solve some problems in their relationships.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
But suspecting a girl or wife of cheating without evidence is a clear sign of poor self-esteem.
A person with a healthy self-perception:
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
- He knows that he is loved. The partner is interested in him, she likes to communicate, share a bed and spend time with this particular man. An insecure young man is afraid that the girl is with him only for money, status, maybe even because she laughs at him.
- He can love himself. A man loves this woman and adequately evaluates her strengths and weaknesses, and does not attribute to her what his unhealthy imagination says. He is confident in his choice. Cheating may cause pain, but it will not destroy self-esteem.
- Evaluates the behavior of himself and his girlfriend/wife impartially. Two people in love should not deceive each other. But love passes, you cannot trust without looking back. Low self-esteem makes you see what is not there, and self-esteem allows you to see a real violation of fidelity on the part of your spouse.
Low self-esteem leads to the destruction of good relationships, divorce, and sometimes criminal offenses.
The second side of the coin is that the man tolerates any behavior of his wife out of fear that she will leave. There is no place for dignity and respect in such relationships. The husband does not believe that he deserves better, and the wife either tries to heal his self-esteem, provide help, or resigns herself, gets used to humiliating her husband and deceives him.
People with low self-esteem are expected to commit crimes and treat others poorly. But some studies show that increasing self-esteem does not affect the behavior of bullies. For insecure people, negativity is directed at themselves, not at the environment.
Inability to admit one's mistakes
For the sake of self-affirmation and hiding his insecurities, a man ignores the fact that he is wrong. Deep down, he does not give himself the slightest right to make a mistake; in reality, this leads to overly self-confident behavior. It seems that in this way men show inflated self-esteem, but this is another sign of low self-esteem. After all, only an unhappy, insecure person builds an image of an ideal self in his head and does his best to live up to it.
This feature clearly does not increase a man’s popularity, which again reduces self-esteem. This interferes with both work and love relationships.
Inability to conduct dialogue
As a friend, a man with low self-esteem is also not very pleasant. Constant fear for his peace of mind forces him to build communication in a complex way. This includes defense when no one attacks, and humiliation of oneself, which causes awkwardness and irritation in the interlocutor, and a lack of one’s own opinion. With authorities, the behavior is ingratiating; with subordinates, such a man asserts himself, and does not trust his friends.
They begin to communicate with this person less and less, they avoid him, which lowers self-esteem even more.
As a result, the man becomes uncommunicative, even if he initially wanted to be with people.
How can a woman raise her man's self-esteem?
Psychologists have developed many ways to help men increase self-esteem and gain self-confidence. The choice depends on the cause of such problems.
Praise
The first and main way to raise self-esteem. A man should be praised for everything, even small achievements. After a short period of time, he will also begin to believe in himself. The only requirement is not to overdo it. An overabundance of words of praise will make a man selfish with the behavior of a capricious little child.
Take care of yourself
It is difficult to argue with the statement that a woman is an indicator of the success of her companion. Therefore, to increase his self-esteem, you need to start with yourself. This includes caring for your appearance and figure, as well as self-development. A man, seeing the success and desire to change in his chosen one, will also be ready to move forward.
Speak positively in public
Even a man who behaves stupidly should look successful in the eyes of others. Therefore, a woman needs to remember an important rule. It goes like this: you should never speak badly of a man. Among friends and family one can only talk about him in a positive way. Hearing praise, a man will believe in himself, thanks to which he will become confident and ready for even the most serious achievements.
Ask for help
Everyone wants to feel important and needed. So ask for help. Acknowledge dependence and fragility. Don't be shy about being weak. For men, this is an opportunity to feel strong in the full sense of the word. And this is a direct path to increasing self-esteem.
Satisfy physical needs
If a woman refuses intimacy day after day, her chosen one thinks about his worthlessness in sexual terms. For him, sex is not only physical release. This is proof that he is a male and a conqueror. Therefore, self-confidence is directly dependent on the regularity of physical contact.
To compliment
According to most women, compliments are a man's job. However, in reality this is not the case. Men also want support. Don't be shy about complimenting your appearance or perfume. A couple of compliments and men will become more confident.
Rejoice at his success
This must be done sincerely.
Even small and seemingly insignificant victories are worth rejoicing at. A man who sees genuine joy and pride in the eyes of his loved ones is ready to reach any heights. Psychologists also recommend taking time to watch some films. Among them are “First After God”, “The Johnson Family”, “Billy Eliot”, “Time”, “Ghost”, “Always Say Yes”. They tell how people cope with difficult situations, overcoming self-doubt and their abilities, as well as the opinions of others. Watching such stories together will have a beneficial effect on both self-esteem and relationships.
Signs of adequate self-esteem in men
How to understand that self-esteem is adequate or close to it?
Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .
There are few people with the right sense of self, and more often than not they had to work on themselves in the past to achieve this:
- A person with good self-esteem is calm about other people's successes and failures.
- Such a man knows about his positive and negative qualities, strengths and weaknesses. He does not present himself as an infallible ideal or a complete failure, and knows what he will succeed in and what it is better not to undertake.
- A man with an adequate self-image does not curry favor with those in power or humiliate those who are weaker than him or lower in social status. Communication is smooth and interesting.
- In such a person’s social circle there are few people who evoke negative emotions. A psychologically healthy person cuts off negativity and attracts positive, interesting people.
- His mood is more or less even, there are no sudden outbursts of anger or causeless sadness. Negative and positive emotions are an adequate response to external stimuli, and not an expression of internal pain.
The consequences are as follows. A healthy man does not have causeless jealousy or suspicion. He doesn't criticize people to make himself feel better about them. He is successful in his chosen field of work or hobby, and does not worry that someone else is also achieving good results. When criticizing himself, he separates sensible thoughts from empty anger; this does not destroy his self-image, but helps him become better.
Methods to increase self-esteem
Psychology describes many techniques for working with unhealthy self-esteem. Problems with self-esteem are treated by a psychologist in a face-to-face meeting or in group trainings. You can help yourself at home, especially if a person’s self-esteem only deviates slightly from the norm.
To do this every day:
- Record your successes. Keep a diary for notes; this is a clear demonstration of the real state of affairs. The main thing is not to succumb to pessimism and self-flagellation.
- Set goals. If you feel like life is passing you by, chances are missed, there is no motivation, come up with a goal (even a small one) and achieve it. Then there will be a desire to work on yourself and fight low self-esteem.
- Sport helps improve self-esteem and has a positive effect on health.
- Limiting negative news will block angry thoughts about the world and yourself.
- Be interested in other people. The main thing is that you need to do this honestly, not from the position of “they are better than me” or “I need to prove to them that I am not a loser.” Sincere interest in a friend or girlfriend, a new acquaintance or family member will help you open up, and then realize something about your own life.
- Control your emotions. Irritation, anger, sadness - all negativity in life has a reason. Track where emotions come from and where they lead. Breathing practices can help.
- Rearranging your home will also change your sense of self. Get rid of things that remind you of failure, surround yourself with things that inspire. Don't be afraid to spend money on yourself.
- Compare yourself not with others, but with yourself in the past. The main thing is constant development, find something that didn’t work before, but is now possible.
- Find an opportunity to relax. This is done at the pace required by the body. If you rely on others when relaxing, you are unlikely to be able to truly relax.
- Give up value judgments - both in relation to yourself and in relation to others.
These tips may vary depending on your life situation. The main thing is to learn to feel your desires, get rid of the burden of other people's expectations and engage in self-blame less.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
In the vocabulary of a person with low self-esteem, the following words are present in large quantities: sorry, I don’t know, I was just lucky, probably inaccurate.
Learn more about how to increase self-esteem →
How to gain self-confidence
To raise male self-esteem, you must first admit that it is low. There is no need to be ashamed of this, because it is no one’s fault that insecurity was brought up in you. It is useless to be offended by parents, because, most likely, they simply did not know other methods of education, since they, in turn, were once treated the same way.
Understanding that you have a problem and needs to be solved will become an incentive to work on yourself. A man's low self-esteem will rise faster if there is a woman nearby with whom he can share his problem. For husbands who are not confident in themselves, asking for help is already a big step in gaining inner freedom. A woman by nature is very responsive and will definitely want to help her husband, encouraging him and supporting him in difficult times. Only a man needs to be told how important her help is, how important this work is for him, how exactly a wife or girlfriend can support her husband or boyfriend.
So, how to work with self-esteem? The following tips will help you in this difficult matter:
- Stop berating yourself for your mistakes and failures. There is not a single man who always does everything perfectly. To err is human, and that's completely normal. On the basis of mistakes and failures, precious life experience is formed, which in the future helps to make the right decisions.
- Develop your mind and body. Physical and intellectual stress has the most beneficial effect on mental health. The male body will get stronger from training, acquire relief, becoming more attractive. Women will certainly pay attention to such a man. The discipline that needs to be exercised during training will extend to other areas of life, which will have a very beneficial effect on self-esteem. Investment in the development of intelligence is the most reliable investment. An intelligent person is always in demand in society.
Woman's self-esteem
An equally important role in a man’s life is played by the self-esteem of a woman—his girlfriend, his wife. Moreover, if a man has low self-esteem, it is unlikely that his chosen one will have a normal sense of self. More likely, she will have high or low self-esteem.
A woman with high self-esteem can destroy a man's self-esteem, even if there were no problems before. And a person with anxiety and depression will be absolutely depressed by such a union.
A girl with low self-esteem will not be able to inflate a man’s self-esteem, as it might seem. In fact, this is a destructive couple in which everyone feels unhappy.
There are several options for the development of events:
- A man suppresses a woman, trying to rise at her expense.
- A woman helps such a man, but he does not notice the efforts because he is preoccupied with his pain, and such treatment will be in vain.
- A woman suppresses a man by projecting her insecurities onto him.
And these are just some of the possible outcomes. It is unlikely that such a couple will live a happy life together.
Support from loved ones
A little advice for women: if you are sure or only suspect that your man (husband, lover, brother, just a friend) suffers from low self-esteem, and there are factors confirming this, try to help him!
It is important not only to celebrate his achievements and give compliments, but also to show small signs of attention in the form of gifts! A gift given “on topic” and to the right place perfectly strengthens the recipient’s self-esteem, definitely increases his self-esteem and simply makes him happy!
Be sure to subscribe to updates on this blog, because we will return to the topic of self-esteem. We will also look at relationships and talk on the related topic “Male self-esteem and relationships with women.” Good luck, and don't forget to recommend this article to your friends on social networks!
