How to become self-confident: complete guide, tips, tests, books

Greetings, friends!

Everyone needs self-confidence and self-confidence. It helps you cope with complex tasks and make important decisions. A self-confident person in any situation behaves more calmly and with dignity, arousing the respect and sympathy of others. But a lack of self-confidence leads to serious problems. It is difficult for such people to meet and communicate; it is more difficult for them to improve their personal lives, get a job and move up the career ladder.

An insecure person never takes risks, so he is forced to watch life rush by. If, while reading these lines, you caught yourself thinking that due to self-doubt you periodically miss the chances given by fate, you urgently need to start working on yourself. Today we will look in detail at how to develop self-confidence by following a path consisting of 10 steps. But first, let's find out what confidence is.

Why I decided to write this guide

My name is Yuri Galmakov. I made this guide when I was searching for myself and wanted to become more confident in myself. Therefore, here is everything that I myself experienced.

Developing self-confidence is painful. You have to give up a lot of things that seemed true and accept new things, learn new things. It's like quitting smoking, only ten times harder. Because to quit smoking you only need to change one habit, but to gain confidence you need to work on changing yourself from all angles. But it's different for everyone. It was difficult for me, but it seems I managed it, and continue to cope.

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Only benefit and nothing but benefit

Self-confidence will not come immediately after reading the article. This is a process of change within a person. But, when you finish reading this article, you will have an understanding of the issues of confidence, knowledge of what to do next, and the desire to take steps towards change. I really hope so.

The purpose of leadership is to launch the mechanism of change in your head. Self-confidence comes through action, so reading what is written on this page is not enough. We need to act.

After reading this guide, I want you to take action, not because you need to, but because you want to. In this case, actions are easy. And you will enjoy every action on the path to self-confidence.

What has changed in my self-confidence during this time? I stopped being sensitive to criticism and started writing songs and poems and publishing them on social networks. I learned to say “no” to people who asked me to do something I didn’t want to do. I became more attentive to my desires, body and time. I started getting enough sleep and enjoying each day more. The main thing is that I took the path that is most important to me in this life. The path of creativity. The Creator has been inside me since childhood. But someone put him to sleep. And so I managed to wake him up again and force him to create for the good of everything.

I hope this guide helps you change, find yourself, and become confident in your path. I will be very happy about this. If you would like to chat or ask a question, write to me at [email protected]

Use different learning styles

Everyone has their own dominant learning style. We believe that we can only develop within its framework. And we consider styles that are unusual for us to be inaccessible: they are simply beyond our ability.

For example, you like and are good at mathematics. You are an analytical thinker and view problems and failures as opportunities to learn. You are confident that you can become even better at mathematics. But you don’t like writing. You think that this is not yours and you will never succeed. It's just not built into you.

This is wrong. Everyone has different learning styles. By doing something that you find difficult, you activate areas of the brain that were not used before. You are moving towards goals that were outside of your comfort zone.

You gain confidence by seeing yourself succeed at something difficult.

What is self confidence

Before we dive into developing confidence, we need to understand what self-confidence is?

I studied books, articles, watched lectures, talked with psychologists and realized that self-confidence presupposes the ability to be the creator of your own life - when you are not afraid to be yourself and open yourself to others. Show the real you, without thinking about what others will say about it. But at the same time, it is harmonious to exist with them.

A confident person understands himself, knows how to identify his emotional state, and can express it openly in the presence of others.

When a person becomes self-confident, he begins to live a harmonious life, in which there are goals and meaning. He begins to gain confidence in every moment because he knows that he is on his path and doing what he is destined to do.

More benefits: Building self-awareness: where self-doubt comes from

Finding self-confidence is the path to your true self. At the end of this path, uncertainty evaporates, and the question: “How to become confident in yourself” becomes meaningless. A person who has come to himself believes in himself and his actions. He knows what he is doing, why he is doing it, and what he will do next. He pays no attention to opponents and critics. He does his job because he believes in himself and his actions.

When people feel that they are accepted for who they are, they stop pretending to themselves and their loved ones, take off their masks so as not to appear to be someone they are not. They begin to listen to their inner voice, and their decisions begin to correspond to their true desires.

When a person becomes confident, his life changes.

IN SIMPLE WORDS : You need to be confident in yourself in order to live your life and go towards your goals, and not try to please others, so that at the end of your life you cry and think “what a fool I was for trying to live for everyone, but not for myself.”

Develop communication skills

Learn to speak simply, clearly and concisely. This will increase your chances of success. Few companies clearly explain why they do what they do. What is your goal? Why does your company exist? Why should anyone care?

There are two ways to influence. You can manipulate people or inspire them. We are drawn to leaders and organizations that can explain what they believe in and why they do what they do. The feeling that we are part of something bigger inspires us. This is the kind of company we want to do business with.

A conversation about self-confidence is a conversation about the search for happiness.

The study of happiness has become fashionable, which is a good thing. Previously, many scientists considered good psychological well-being to be the simple absence of deviations associated with depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and other pathologies. And only recently have some of them decided to cross this line and analyze the state of happiness and satisfaction.

Without self-confidence a person cannot become happy. Any goals he achieves may be meaningful, but they will not be his goals. More often these will be goals imposed by other people or copied from others. This is familiar to us in fact when we want to achieve something after we have seen that someone else has achieved it. But at any end point of such a goal, disappointment awaits. Because in fact, each person’s path, mission and goals appear only when he gains self-confidence - through self-disclosure and acceptance.

Imitating others does not lead to self-confidence. Imitation takes you away from yourself. We try to imitate others because we are afraid to take our own path and make mistakes along the way. It seems like it will be painful, so we choose paths that have already been trodden by other people. But these are not our ways. Therefore, when we follow someone else’s path, pain and disappointment await us in any case. Even if we come wherever we want.

At the same time, self-confidence does not relieve us from pain, fear, and sadness. By gaining self-confidence, a person does not get rid of difficulties. But on his path he lives meaningfully, and the encounter with suffering becomes understandable and not so painful. A person begins to accept the world and its essence.

Another benefit: Indecisiveness at work: where it came from, why and how to get rid of it

You can't live without trauma in life. Trauma teaches us to feel the brevity and value of life so that we can choose what we want to do in this short time. This should be what really matters to us.

Some people are lucky - they live a life without trauma or grief. But often such a life makes people sleepwalkers who live blindly and cannot determine what is good, what is bad and what is significant in this life.

This will sound tragic, but many of us first realize mortality, our own or someone else’s, and only after that do we “wake up” and realize that we were thinking about the wrong thing. In light of tragedy and loss, we begin to appreciate what we have and take steps towards ourselves. And with the next steps, if we don’t stop in the face of difficulties, we gain confidence and begin to do what we really came into this world for. Well, then happiness comes.

If I weren't shy...

Sit back and close your eyes. Imagine a person or situation that constantly makes you feel shy. Don't miss any details - not a single word or gesture.

Now imagine how you would behave in this situation if you were not shy. What would you do? What would you say? How would it all end?

Awaken this positive image within yourself every day for a week.

The next time you have to actually face a similar situation, restore your positive image in your mind. And behave accordingly.

My awareness of mortality

I felt a similar pain inside myself when I turned 30 years old. There was a feeling that I was not living my own life. That is why I began to understand myself and look for answers to questions about who I am, what I want, what to do next, how to start living my life. And gradually I came to the idea: in order to live your life, you need to develop self-confidence.

No one is immune from pain. Sooner or later we all encounter it. But you don’t have to wait for this to start living confidently and taking your path.

Before death, people most often regret that they never found the courage to find and remain true to themselves. When life comes to an end, we begin to regret not doing what we enjoy. We are always pandering to other people's whims or trying to earn more money by doing tasks that we don't really like.

Self-confidence is the ability to live your life without trying to adapt to the desires and opinions of other people. Confident people are happy. They do not doubt themselves, believe in themselves and their actions, are not afraid to live and make decisions, develop themselves and are surprised every day at how beautiful life is.

At the end of the journey, the question “How to become self-confident” disappears because all the answers are already inside. And this guide is written to make this path easy for you. Let's get started.

Self-confidence allows you to be true to yourself and not deceive yourself. Don't be afraid to be yourself in front of everyone. To be real, without having to wear masks to please someone or to give others an impression of yourself that you don’t really live up to.

Start the day with a priority task

It's not enough to just get up early. You need to immediately get down to business that is important to you. Author Stephen Covey explained this concept in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Imagine that you need to put stones in a bucket. If you put small pebbles in first, the larger ones simply won’t fit. But if you do the opposite and place the large stones first, the small ones will easily fill the empty spaces. It's the same with business.

Deal with the main tasks first, and fill the rest of the day with small tasks.

What does self-confidence consist of?

People who are looking for an answer to the question “How to become confident” are often mistaken when they think that self-confidence can be developed. From all the materials I have studied, I conclude that self-confidence is a side effect of the development of various human qualities.

In simple words: to become self-confident, you need to develop not confidence, but what you can rely on to be confident.

A good football player feels confident on the field because he knows that he has good control of the ball and can show a good game. For this he trained a lot. And if he makes a mistake, he knows how to deal with it in the future. If his team loses, he will accept the loss, analyze the match on video, find weaknesses and work on them to become even stronger. This all gives him self-confidence. Well, he also loves this game very much. He goes out on the field to get a thrill. This also gives him confidence bonuses.

A talented musician goes on stage with a sense of confidence, because he has already played the compositions that the public now expects to hear 1000 times. He knows and feels every note on his fingertips and is ready to play any melody at any moment with his eyes closed. He trained for this. Long and hard. He knows that he can make mistakes, like any other musician, but he is not afraid, because he knows that mistakes are also good. And he is also madly in love with melodies and his musical instrument. Therefore, he goes on stage to live and love his work. Grades are secondary. And this also gives confidence.

I have described these examples to bring the thought to a formula that gives us self-confidence. It sounds like this:

Know yourself, be yourself, be responsible for yourself.

When we follow these three rules, we gain confidence because we become authentic. And when we hide from them, forget and don’t want to fulfill them, we lose confidence. Knowing yourself, being yourself, being responsible for yourself is the foundation of self-confidence.

Following these rules makes it possible to take the path for which we were born. And on this path we feel maximum confidence.

As long as we do what is not right for us, not meant for us and what we don’t like, we will not be able to become confident because we do not believe in ourselves and our path.

It seems that the two paragraphs above reek of esotericism. But that's how it is. I believed in this when I started applying this rule myself and got the result.

Below I will describe in more detail and you will understand everything yourself.

What does it mean to “Know Thyself”?

Know what you love and what you don’t, what you’re good at and what you’re bad at, what you’re ready for and what you’re not. Always be aware of what is happening, understand what is happening inside you and what is around you, be able to look at what is happening objectively.

Knowing yourself means learning to accept the truth about yourself. Even if this truth is unpleasant. Knowing yourself means being honest with yourself. A self-aware person watches himself carefully all the time. He tries to find moments in which he betrays himself. Tries to look at situations from a different angle. He has opinions about different things, but can easily change them when he discovers new information. Know yourself - be open and realistic about what is happening.

Those who know themselves listen to their inner voice, know their inner problems and listen to their intuition.

Conversely, people who don't want to know themselves or don't try, don't listen to their intuition, don't understand their emotions, and make decisions trying to please others. As a rule, such decisions lead to results that they do not like. But they understand this when the result has already been achieved.

People who do not know themselves cannot make correct decisions that will change something in life for the better. Those who know themselves always know what to do and are almost always correct in their actions.

What does it mean to “Be yourself”?

Think about the people you like the most and least. You will find that they differ from each other in the degree of authenticity of their Self.

Psychology is designed in such a way that we are more drawn to those who know themselves, know how to be honest and open, and stand up for what they believe in. At the same time, we try to avoid those who pretend and deceive themselves and us. Well, if we have to communicate with them, then we do not feel sympathy for them - we want the conversation to end as soon as possible.

But some people value the authenticity of their self so much that they sometimes try to imitate it by using acting skills that they think they have developed well.

Good managers and simply successful people do not like employees who show servility, because they themselves are drawn to those who show true authenticity. Slavery is a sign of a lack of authenticity of one’s self both in deeds and in thoughts.

Another benefit: How to quickly become more confident in yourself: tips, life hacks, useful thoughts

Everyone enjoys spending time with genuine people. We trust them with our innermost thoughts, secrets, hopes and fears. We want to be involved with such people. We want to see such politicians. We are ready to vote for them, but alas.

Many politicians know how to play authenticity, so people end up feeling deceived and stop voting altogether. They lose the meaning of it. The concepts of politics and honesty diverged for them to different poles.

We sincerely respect and appreciate those who strive to be themselves. But for ourselves it can be difficult. Why?

Because to be yourself you need courage. We may stop ourselves to hide our anger, put off declaring our love, refuse to discuss our sexual preferences with our partner, or hide a mistake. Many are even afraid to visit a psychologist to understand internal problems and learn new truths about themselves. This is how we deceive ourselves to avoid discomfort.

It's just fear and unwillingness to be yourself. In the long run, this will have its side effect.

Those who have authentic self strive for openness and honesty in their relationships with others. At the same time, you can’t call them fools. They do not enter into arguments with those who are unable to accept someone else's point of view. They know that in this case it is better to avoid the conversation.

What does it mean to be “responsible for yourself”?

A genuine person does not allow others to impose anything on themselves.

Authentic people take responsibility for their decisions and know that they are the creators of their own lives. They do not blame others for their mistakes, but they do not blame themselves either. They draw conclusions from what happened, set themselves new, clearer goals and listen to their intuition in the future.

When we meet a person with a problem, we try to solve it for him. We offer actions, try to awaken activity in him, push him to change. But in this case, only we want change, and we unwittingly take responsibility for the actions of others. It’s better to just listen to the person, give him a chance to show responsibility and support him.

Authentic people do not seek to control or manipulate others. They respect other people's right to live their own lives and demand the same attitude towards themselves. When faced with those who try to mold others to suit themselves, authentic people resist external pressure, not wanting to think like everyone else. They will never accept the ideas, opinions or views of others just because someone else wants it, or because the majority thinks so. They weigh the pros and cons, form their own opinion on a specific issue and stand their ground.

Authenticity is also the ability to overcome the desire to fit in and blend in with the crowd. An authentic person is not fearless, but he is not afraid to be afraid - and this is the key to his authenticity.

A genuine person is fully responsible for his decisions, actions and their consequences. Such a person knows for sure that no one can dictate to him. But, taking responsibility for his personal choice, he is interested in the opinions of others, other points of view and constantly gets to know himself, even if this sometimes causes disappointment.

FAQ

Do relationships affect self-esteem?

The causes of insecurity do not depend on existing relationships. If you have a significant other, this will not increase your self-esteem. A short-term result is possible until the first conflict occurs.

Do you need to be strict with yourself?

You will not succeed if you criticize yourself, because self-criticism is a bad habit. It needs to be replaced with approval. Over time, a person will believe in this and begin to get better. You need to develop self-discipline, and not scold yourself for something.

Are men's and women's self-esteem different?

There are no separate concepts of self-esteem by gender. Men are more likely to focus on achieving external goals. Women more often mean by self-esteem how men treat them and how they love them.

What mistakes do people with low self-esteem make?

If a person wants to solve the problem of uncertainty, then he needs to exclude:

patience with what does not suit him;
lack of self-confidence;
stop focusing on the opinions of others.

How self-confidence relates to needs and self-actualization

We cannot become confident unless we are on the path that is destined for us.

Again it sounds esoteric. Let's put it another way: when we don't realize our potential and don't develop our talents, it's difficult to become self-confident. Almost impossible.

At the same time, it is very difficult to realize our potential if we have not met our basic needs. They absorb our attention and prevent us from focusing on developing our potential and talents.

You've probably heard of Maslow's Pyramid of Needs.

Abraham Maslow argued that when our needs are met, it is easier for us to realize our inner potential.

♦ At the base of the pyramid are physiological needs : food, water, sleep, oxygen and everything that is necessary to live. If a person lacks this, he concentrates his energy on getting it. When a person is hungry, sick or simply thirsty, it is difficult to develop talents. And when these needs are met, he can move on to higher affairs.

♦ At the next level is the need for security . We want you to live in a stable, safe environment, protected from the elements and predators. Once an event occurs in life that takes that away (like a hurricane destroying our home), we begin working to make it safe again. And once we have dealt with this, we can again switch to developing potential.

♦ Next is the need for involvement and love . We want to be part of a social group. Without this, we feel unnecessary, useless, empty and lonely. And when it is satisfied, we experience elation.

♦ At the next level, the need for respect . Maslow identifies two forms of this need: the desire for personal achievement and the desire for recognition and approval from others. Without these basic needs, we feel inadequate, helpless and incompetent. And when they are satisfied, we feel confident, savvy, and worthwhile.

First decide what you want from life, and then figure out how to get it

Usually salary dictates lifestyle. If you get a lot, you spend a lot. But it's smarter to decide what you want first. And then think about how to achieve this.

There's nothing wrong with wanting more. The problem comes when you become dependent on things. Money is a tool. The more you earn, the more useful you can do.

Don't make your dreams fit your lifestyle. Adjust your lifestyle to your dreams.

Top of the pyramid: realizing your talent

After overcoming the first four levels of needs of Maslow's Pyramid, we switch to self-improvement. At the top of the pyramid is the need to use your talents and capabilities in an area where these talents are applicable.

Even when all our deficiency needs are met, we cannot get rid of the feeling of dissatisfaction until we begin to do what we are meant to do. Maslow said that the desire for self-actualization is the desire to become what we can become.

That is why people who have achieved everything in life, have provided themselves, their grandchildren and great-grandchildren with capital, cannot sit idle when retiring. They experience discomfort from inaction and lack of realization of their potential. Such people return to big business again. They often start getting involved in charity work and environmental issues. They want to help humanity.

But all people are different. Some people live to seek truth and justice, others strive to create different businesses. Some are drawn to creativity, others to power and influence. There are those who devote themselves to spiritual matters in order to know what lies beyond reality.

This is the foundation of self-confidence. When we feel our way, we become confident in every step, no matter what others think about it. Even if we make mistakes and sometimes take wrong turns. Following your inner call makes it possible to return to your path and be confident in yourself.

To be self-confident, a musician must play, an artist must draw, a poet must write poetry, an aircraft engineer must build airplanes.

And many people, unfortunately, devote their lives to other activities, leaving creative desires in the hobby box or completely forgetting about them. And the more a person immerses himself in something other than his own business, the more difficult it is to return to self-realization. He can build a career with a good salary, occupy a high position in a company or country, and be sad in the evenings, thinking that it would be great to publish a book of stories or play the piano in a philharmonic society in front of an audience of thousands.

To start, you need to focus on meeting the basic needs in Maslow's pyramid. Think about which level of the pyramid is your priority now. And decide what you need to do to rise to a higher level.

It is also important to understand that we rarely remain at any level. Life is fleeting and different events force us to move from one level to another. But we must try to be at the upper level as often as possible in order to make ourselves into those whom nature intended us to be.

Everyone from birth is endowed with personal inclinations, mental abilities and talents - sports, artistic, parenting, teaching. Use it.

Get interesting

You need to develop a skill that you believe will help you engage in social interaction. You should work on at least one trait that can be positively assessed by others and bring them joy and benefit. A person who can play the guitar or piano is a welcome guest in any company. Learn to tell funny stories or perform magic tricks. It is very useful (and not at all difficult) to learn to dance, especially for men who feel insecure once they start playing the music. Stay up to date with international events and fashionable topics (problems of overpopulation, ecology, etc.). Read good books, both serious literature and bestsellers, and be prepared to discuss them.

How we lose self-confidence

A newborn baby is born confident. He is who he is. He is in complete harmony with himself. He doesn't mask emotions or defend himself. Crying, whining or smiling is a pure reaction to an internal state. The baby doesn't try to be different. He always confidently tells us that he is hot, cold, in pain or hungry.

His self-awareness has not yet formed, but he already knows how to communicate his needs and desires. He does it without hesitation or thought - confidently.

Gradually, children begin to crawl and walk. They explore the world around them: colors, sounds, tastes, sensations. They touch and taste it all, not because they decided so consciously, but because they follow instinct - the desire to realize their potential. The child moves towards what attracts him.

However, children are very vulnerable. Their authenticity is incredibly fragile and often crumbles in later years as their self-awareness develops.

As the child interacts with others, his self-awareness develops and his self-perception becomes more complex. With experience, a story develops in his head about who he is. This story is a map that guides a child through life.

Self-confidence is destroyed when self-perception is distorted.

Interactions with other people shape our self-esteem. Especially important are the cases when we are being evaluated. When we receive negative evaluation, our self-perception can become distorted. Various comments that do not contain an explicit assessment also sometimes become etched in children’s memory.

Through interactions with others, we learn how to behave. Over the years, we reflect on our personal experiences and draw conclusions. Everything about us, from our shoes to our hair, tells a story about who we are.

A person is a storyteller, constantly forming his image, which over time turns into a mask.

Everything comes from childhood. In an ideal world, a parent should accept their child for who they are, but in reality such a parent does not exist. We all make mistakes. And our parents too. And even if the parents were ideal, children would still misunderstand some actions. Children often misinterpret parental actions and intentions. But nevertheless, the baggage of experience is formed.

Proper upbringing does not presuppose that the parent always acts exclusively correctly, but that he strives with all his might to do so.

In an ideal world, unconditional acceptance would reign around us from childhood. We would feel loved and appreciated. We could develop, become ourselves, realize our potential. We would be completely confident in ourselves every step of the way. And the percentage of people who achieve success would be much higher than the existing one.

But the world works differently. Parents, teachers and sports coaches, movie characters, social media heroes, and other authority figures for a child can demonstrate conditional acceptance.

We lose self-confidence when the idea that love must be earned enters our minds. When we understand that we can only be loved under certain conditions. This is where self-confidence is lost.

Causes of insecure behavior

Psychologists advise looking for the root causes of insecurity in childhood memories. The family does not necessarily have to have an authoritarian mother or father who intimidates, punishes or demands a lot from the child. Sometimes it’s enough just to scold him in front of his peers.

Common causes of self-doubt in children:

parents do not support or praise for successes, but they always scold for mistakes;
mom and dad say: “you won’t succeed,” “don’t even try,” “it’s pointless”;
ignore the child's needs and desires;
compared with other children;
a child experiences bullying at school.

Childhood insecurity and low self-esteem often carry over into adulthood, where the already formed personality behaves indecisively and weak-willed. New sources of loss of self-confidence may include:

obsessive anxiety that cannot be controlled;
lack of willpower and motivation;
non-compliance with the invented ideal;
increased emotional sensitivity;
flaws in appearance;
lack of work, doing something you don’t like, or low wages;
unrealized dreams and plans;
lack of talents and abilities;
fixation on past failures;
stress;
absence of a partner or recent separation from him;
fear in any variations;
self-dislike.

Let's look at one of the reasons using a specific example.

In my third year, I found the strength in myself and enrolled in a theater club. At the rehearsal, it seemed to me that everyone was mocking me, images of monsters and monstrosities loomed in my head.

When it was time to join groups, I hid in a corner and thought that none of the guys would offer to join them. My thoughts became darker and darker, I considered myself an ugly person who had no talents or abilities. And in less than a minute I concluded that I hated myself.

And when self-dislike had already eaten me up from the inside, two girls approached with an offer to join them. And then I burst into tears... I just couldn’t stand the internal pressure. After that, I no longer came to rehearsals, quit the activity that I really liked, for which I began to hate myself even more.

If you still find it difficult to overcome indecisiveness, be sure to read the article “How to love yourself.”

Self-confidence tests

I took several tests to determine my confidence level. I can highlight two that I recommend: the Raidas method and the Romek method. I took both tests and both showed that my confidence level was average. But I'm working on becoming even more confident.

My test result using the Raidas method ↓

My test result using the Romek method ↓

Try these tests and see your results. By developing self-confidence, the test helps you take periodic measurements to understand how much you have progressed. So take the tests now and schedule it on your calendar to take it again in a month. This way you will determine what results your actions yielded.

How to become self-confident: exercises and methods available to everyone

To increase self-esteem, there are different exercises and methods. If you read several books and write down all the exercises, you will get a list of several dozen. I won't describe everything here. I will list only those that I consider the most effective.

Self-confidence is too broad a concept if you ask this question in this form: “How to become self-confident?”

It is important to ask the question in context:

How to become confident on stage?
How to increase a woman's self-esteem?
How to become a confident athlete?
How to become confident with girls?
How to become a confident entrepreneur?
How to become a confident woman?
How to increase a girl's self-esteem?
How to increase a man's self-confidence?
How to drive confidently in a big city?

When we ask a question, taking into account the direction of activity in which we want to develop, the answers come themselves.

Self-confidence comes through practice. To sing confidently, you need to sing more often. To become a confident athlete, you need to train more and participate in competitions. To be a confident entrepreneur, you need to create projects.

The main phrase that creates uncertainty in our heads is: “What if I don’t do well enough.” This phrase comes to every person. This is fine. But we can control the reaction to it. A good option is to always remember that everyone makes mistakes and few people do anything perfectly. Therefore, even if we make a mistake, there is nothing to worry about. Life will go on and we will have more opportunities.

Way to deal with uncertainty No. 1. Catch yourself in doubt

When the phrase “What if I don’t do it well enough” appears in your head, accept it, fix it and tell yourself: “It’s okay if it doesn’t turn out perfect. It's not obligatory. I just need to do what I have in mind.”

Few people can do anything perfectly. This takes years of training. And you, I believe, are just at the beginning of your journey. You just need to do it and enjoy the mistake. She can teach you new things. And you can always try again. The error indicates weaknesses that can be improved.

Way to deal with uncertainty No. 2. Set small goals and take small steps

Self-confidence is developed through action and achievement. Confidence will not appear if we do nothing, but simply think that we lack self-confidence.

What to do? Decide in which area you want to gain self-confidence and set a goal. Break your goal down into small subgoals so that you need to take small, simple steps to achieve them. Every step is an achievement. Every achievement adds to your self-confidence.

Gradually you will feel more and more confident and taking more difficult steps will not be as difficult as it is now.

Way to deal with uncertainty No. 3. Choose and implement “your” projects

We are all born for something. Everyone has a purpose in life. But not everyone follows him.

For many people, their parents choose their profession. They send their children to study at universities in prestigious professions where they have the opportunity to earn a lot.

This is how lawyers appear who want to paint pictures. Dentists with a talented rock musician hidden inside them. And other people who are lost in themselves.

Above, I wrote that a person who is not on his own path feels most insecure.

So, if you, like many others, are not yet on your path and are implementing projects that are assigned to you by clients or managers, change that.

Listen to yourself and decide what you would like to do. Draw a picture, write a song, fly in a hot air balloon, clean the rivers of garbage. What exactly? Listen to your intuition and choose a direction. Psychologists often recommend remembering what you liked to do as a child. From there, true desires can emerge.

When you roughly understand the direction, find or create projects in this direction. This is necessary for you to start taking action on your path. Confidence will develop from this. You can even volunteer to get started. The main thing is to start. If this is truly your path, you will feel it. You will be filled with self-confidence, the desire to act without fear of making a mistake.

In the question “how to become self-confident,” exercise plays a major role. It is their implementation. I really hope that readers of the article will not remain just readers, but will begin to take action to develop self-confidence.

Basic recommendations from psychologists:

In addition to the above tips, the following tips will help a woman regain her confidence and self-confidence:

start living in the present: don’t be afraid of the future, stop worrying about the past;
do not compare yourself with other people, rather compare yesterday’s self with today’s;
stop waiting for the praise of others;
if the risk is justified, take the risk;
Don’t get hung up on failures: learn to meet them with dignity, rejoice at them, and benefit from them.

When a woman takes these tips as her life credo, she will notice that success, happiness, and harmony are very close. And the negative aspects that used to haunt every step are actually much less than it seemed before! It is from this realization that self-confidence awakens!

Useful video:

How to quickly increase self-esteem when you need it: an effective way

I wrote above that self-confidence needs to be developed through practice. But there is a working way to become more confident at any time. This method is short-term because it takes energy. You won't be able to live with him 24/7. I recommend using it only in the most crucial moments, when everything depends on confidence.

I call this method “Play a role” or if “Pretend”. This is done simply. At a time when you need self-confidence, but you know that you have not yet developed this skill well enough, imagine that you are not you. Imagine that you are playing a role in a movie. Your hero is the most confident person you know. He can handle everything. Just put on his mask and do what you need to do. Do it the way he would do it.

Such pretense is useful not only in a specific moment. Being in this role, you will see that it is actually not difficult to be confident. And that when you do what confident people do, you get only the advantage and only the best that you can get.

How to develop self-confidence: books you should definitely read

Below is a list of 10 books for developing self-confidence. But first I’ll tell you about the most important one.

When I was looking for an answer to the question of how to become self-confident, a book that I was lucky enough to suddenly download gave me almost all the answers to the questions. This book is called Authenticity. And many thoughts from this book formed the basis of this article.

I even planned to read it again because I'm sure a lot of thoughts flew by while I was reading this book. You probably know it when you're reading a book and suddenly realize that you don't remember what the last 5 paragraphs were about. And you start reading the page from the beginning.

How to become confident and increase self-esteem: books that I recommend additional reading:

Your boundaries. How to maintain personal space and find inner freedom
The key to yourself. Increasing self-esteem
Self-esteem. A practical guide to developing self-confidence
What do you really want? How to set goals and achieve them
Personal boundaries. How to install and defend them
Close to heart. How to live if you are an overly sensitive person
Love of imperfection. Accept yourself and others with all their flaws
Be afraid... but act! How to turn fear from an enemy into an ally
The subtle art of not giving a damn. A paradoxical way to live happily
Gifts of imperfection. How to love yourself for who you are

In fact, to develop self-confidence, a book is just a companion along the way. A secondary assistant who simply gives hints. All success comes from the actions you take. Therefore, of course, read books, but don’t forget to act. This is the main thing.

5 films to develop self-confidence

When it comes to the question “how to become self-confident,” you can watch different films. I started making a list of those that would be great to see, but then I realized that the list was getting very long. Therefore, I reduced the list to five positions. This is enough for a start, and then, I think, you yourself will be able to find what you would like to see on the topic.

Movies for developing self-confidence:

The Pursuit of Happyness
The Incredible Life of Walter Mitty
The man who changed everything
Jerry Maguire
Peaceful warrior

Counterarguments

Make a list of your own weaknesses. Write it down on the left half of the sheet of paper. On the right, opposite each item, indicate those positive aspects that can be contrasted with the negative ones. For example:

Weaknesses

No one who knows me likes me.
I have almost no attractive features.

Counterarguments

Those who really know me treat me well.
I have a lot of attractive features.

Expand and justify counterarguments, find suitable examples. Start thinking about yourself in a positive way.