Loneliness is not a vice. And why do people who are not in a relationship subconsciously evoke pity? As if, if a person is not in a couple, he is somehow inferior, unhappy? All this is absurd and the imposition of tired stereotypes. Now that science has proven that loneliness is wonderful.
Citing numerous medical studies, Business Insider reports on various reasons why being single is better than being in a couple.
Being single is not a curse. And with the right approach - pleasure.
Still from the TV series “How I Met Your Mother”
Many people are afraid of loneliness, and it is not difficult to understand. Popular culture constantly tells us that being single is bad, and that if you don't have a partner, then there's something wrong with you, that you're unattractive, unstable, or weird.
And many singles are as hard on themselves as pop culture. If you've been single for a while or have just gotten out of a relationship, being the only single person in a group of friends can be scary, with the prospect of a lonely, boring life looming on the horizon...
But we have good news for you: all these assumptions are completely wrong. Instead of filling your loneliness with moping, crying, or desperately searching for a new relationship, why not enjoy the many benefits of being single for a while?
This is just the beginning of the list of reasons why being single is cool, and the cool thing is that when you understand and feel it, you will definitely add a few more points (a lot).
Good sex in large quantities
Contrary to all expectations, when we are in a relationship, we have significantly less sex than when we are “single.” According to recent studies, the average couple has less than six sexual contacts per month. The figure is far from ideal, right? But in our free time from relationships, most of us have more than enough sex.
In any bar, club, fitness club, or even walking in the park, we meet thousands of potential partners, and continuation depends solely on our courage. Is it dangerous? Yes. Should you remember about safe sex? Definitely. But we bet 100% that such sex will be unforgettable.
Flirt as much as you want and don't feel guilty
If you're single, why not take advantage of your single status and, instead of jumping straight into a new relationship (without thinking too much about who exactly), just enjoy some shameless flirting for a while?
Now is the time to play a little and take the time to find out what you want in your potential partner. We're not talking about finding an end to your loneliness. And we’re also not talking about looking for one night stand options every evening if you don’t need it.
No - we are talking about a kind of “reconnaissance” to find out as much as possible about what you like in girls. Interact with a lot of new people and pay attention to the traits of appearance, character and behavior that you like, as well as those that infuriate you. Be honest with yourself and the results may surprise you.
By the way, this is great for breaking the cycle of bad relationships. Sometimes we keep going back to a certain type of person because their type is familiar to us, but when you take the time to get to know new girls and flirt with them, you may suddenly find that your preferences have changed or become broader.
Negative loneliness
If isolation makes a person feel isolated and alienated, does not allow him to feel accepted and understood, or causes any discomfort - this is negative loneliness.
It is also a feeling of being doomed to be alone. A person feels lonely among other people, not finding an emotional response in his environment.
This includes fear of relationships, of failure, which makes a person reluctant to make new connections with people.
And this fear can be obvious and conscious or hidden. Then the person’s environment consists only of long-standing and well-known surroundings.
You will make more new friends (and relationships with old ones will become stronger)
Often single people have more friends than those in relationships. And it's not hard to believe: couples spend a lot of time together, and therefore have less time to develop their other social relationships.
But having more friends can be just as good as being in a relationship—and sometimes, it can be even better. Many (both girls and boys) tend to see a romantic partner as “our everything” and expect love, sympathy, support and many other necessary things from this person.
But in fact, it’s healthier to put it all not on one person, but on several. Being single gives you the time and opportunity to cultivate your relationships and friendships. By giving them more time than usual (without becoming intrusive), you can create a strong group of friends you can rely on.
Loneliness (in the sense of not having a girlfriend) does not necessarily mean complete loneliness. Use this time to make new friends and get closer to old ones - believe me, in this case you simply will not be able to feel abandoned and abandoned by everyone.
Loneliness is bad or... very bad
Loneliness can have negative physical consequences
Because the state of loneliness is comparable in its consequences to constant stress. Mental state and physical state are interconnected. When a person is alone for a long time, the body's strength is eventually depleted, and physical symptoms of the disease appear:
- headache;
- pressure surges for no reason and at an early age;
- numbness of the limbs.
These physiological problems are caused by psycho-emotional discomfort, but loneliness has a much stronger effect on the state of the psyche, it simply destroys it. Loneliness leads to serious behavioral disorders such as:
- depression;
- alcoholism;
- child abuse;
- various personality disorders.
Milder forms of deviant behavior:
- insomnia;
- problems with the digestive system;
- lack of appetite.
Increases the likelihood of developing Alzheimer's disease. Loneliness, like acid, corrodes the soul and body, mind and will. Scary, isn't it?
Loneliness causes the immune system to work to its limits
Precisely because the state of stress and chronic, so to speak, loneliness are comparable. Each physical and mental parameter of our body has its own limit. The immune system, working at the limit of its capabilities, is not able to resist this for long, and the person gets sick. He falls ill either with a cold or with the horrors described in the previous paragraph.
You can find out who you are (and we're not kidding)
If you're single, one of the worst things you can do is use all your time to frantically search for a new relationship, not because you want to, but because "it's the right thing to do." Instead, use this break to find out who you really are: what you want as an individual, what you like and what you don’t, and most importantly, are you comfortable being alone, are you interested in an open relationship, a romantic connection, or do you feel that you are ready to start a family because you personally need it, and not “it’s necessary”?
Never discount the power and positive aspects of being single. This can be not only a time of life “just for yourself,” but also the best period for self-development and independent making of important decisions that will take your life in the direction that you have chosen.
- Author: Maria Minaeva
You can get rid of a million stupid questions about your personal life
“Aren’t your demands too high?”, “Find yourself a simpler girl,” “Honey, it’s time to lower the bar, otherwise you will be alone all your life” - this is the first part of the ever-irritating questions. The second is based on softer formulations, such as “And do you like being alone?” Yes, I like it. No I do not want to. No, everything is fine with requests. No, I don't need a simpler girl. And what kind of formulation is this eternal “Simpler?” According to the latest data, guys simply don’t consider girls without a higher education sexy, let alone start a serious relationship with them. Therefore, do not let others intimidate you so that you instantly find “at least someone” for yourself.
Why loneliness occurs
Some scientists are confident that this condition began to be observed in modern humanity. Of course, one can and should argue with this statement. But there is still some truth in this, because modern society has created many conditions for an increase in the number of lonely people. This is evidenced by data from psychiatrists and psychologists.
Doctors report disappointing statistics - the consumption of psychotropic drugs, sedatives, antidepressants and other similar drugs is growing rapidly. The number of suicides and suicide attempts is also depressing. In the old days, people united into communities, clans, and together observed traditions, customs and rituals. There is a rational reason for this. Can a man single-handedly take down a mammoth and kill a dinosaur for dinner? Hardly! Therefore, communities had to be organized.
Also, in the old days, people were united by common problems, a common enemy. Of course, no one says that we do not have enough wars and common sorrows. God forbid, let it be so. But let's remember the recent past, the Soviet era. Collective farms, state regional enterprises, general meetings, assemblies. And how quickly people built houses.
Many survivors mention that in order to help a stranger, the entire street would come together and build a new house for him. Then the same stranger took part in construction for another neighbor. This is Toloka. After good and hard work, everyone sat around the same table, sang songs, danced and drank a little. But he was not alone, in any case, there were no conditions for this.
According to numerous public companies, about 80% of the population of developed countries suffers from loneliness. And what’s interesting is that there are more lonely people in large cities than in villages and towns. What is the reason for this situation? Doctors have identified several important reasons.
Selfishness and conflicts
No matter how active or active a person is, if he is by nature selfish, arrogant, thinks only about his own benefit, he is simply doomed to loneliness. Few people can stand his unbearable character, even if they adore him. In such cases, everything depends on the egoist. Yes, changing your character is not so easy, but we must try. Moreover, over the years, temperament only gets worse, so start educating yourself now.
Low self-esteem
It is not known whether it is based on the reality of your attitude towards yourself or whether you simply came up with a complex for yourself, but in any case, fencing yourself off from the world, you can only ruin life itself. You don't have to give up all the good things in life, including being with good, smart, and valuable people. Stop thinking about your shortcomings, believe me, each of us has them. As you develop your communication, develop those abilities that are within your control. Write down a list of “cons” on a piece of paper and constantly work on them.
Waiting for the perfect relationship
Before we meet someone, we imagine our partner as an ideal person, without problems or flaws. But there are none in the world. We strive for the ideal, but upon closer acquaintance our expectations are completely destroyed. Even worse is to meet a person who is ready to pretend to be anyone just to lure you into his “web.” To avoid this, accept people's flaws in appearance and character, but don't tolerate misbehavior, and don't forget that you aren't perfect either. If you don't make a good connection the first time, take a second or third chance.
Don't wear masks
In order to attract a partner, many try to look “better”, to hide shortcomings and features of their character. There is no need to do this; over time, the masks will have to be removed, and the deceived person will simply leave and refuse further contact.
Monitor your appearance and behavior
The saying: “Clothes come first, brains come second”, “They are greeted by their clothes, they are escorted by their minds” - this is the true state of affairs. Some people take this principle too literally and are ready to walk around in a dirty, neglected, pardon the expression, shabby look. And the confidence that even in this form there will be buyers for this product is a big mistake.
The unattractive side speaks only of one thing - banal laziness or mental deviation, when a person does not care about his appearance. No matter how well-mannered and friendly a woman is, a man loves with his eyes. He looks at her appearance, neatness and sense of style. We are talking about a modern society with a cult of style and sophistication.
Lonely people are more likely to become addicted to property
Yes, it may not make sense, but who is not susceptible to consumerism, hoarding, and buying houses and cars these days? But recent research shows that it all goes hand in hand with loneliness. This is how people try to fill the vacuum in their soul.
However, the limitations of the study do not change the fact that consumption is a surrogate for happiness. And the more various benefits a person has, the less he values them and the more lonely he becomes.
Loneliness is as dangerous as smoking
Of course, we will never be able to look behind the scenes of such psychological research, but it’s still interesting: how did experts calculate that the harm of loneliness is comparable to the harm of smoking almost a pack of cigarettes (15 pieces) every day? People who had strong social connections increased their likelihood of survival by 50%. Again, it's a shame we won't find out how this was calculated. This is Julianne Holt-Lunstad's first work.
A second study by the same author shows that there is no difference between subjective loneliness and the objective, physical isolation discussed earlier. The study involved 3 million 400 thousand people and found that regardless of whether a person is objectively or subjectively lonely, it increases the likelihood of premature death by 30 percent. The study had to have a solid time horizon.
