How should a woman be feminine or purposeful?

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What should a woman be like? Feminine or purposeful?

This question arose one morning while talking with my eldest daughter. I even had to take a pen to write down the thoughts that arose! I really wanted to delve deeper into this topic. Perhaps, after reading the title of the article, you ask: “Why feminine or purposeful ? But can’t purposeful woman be feminine ?”

Of course it can! The possibilities of a woman, I believe, recently, are generally limitless! But the question is, what price does she pay for her own choices, her goals and how to achieve them?

What is determination

The meaning of the word “determination” is easiest for a person to understand when he answers the question: “How do you achieve your goal?”

Determination is a strong-willed quality of a person, manifested in his desire and ability to achieve his goal. This personal characteristic is socially approved, so employers are more likely to hire those employees who have indicated in their resume that they have the ability to achieve their goals.


Achieved what I wanted

In philosophy, the definition of determination is based on a person’s subtle understanding of the picture of his own world, his ability to subordinate his momentary desires to reason. The criterion for a purposeful person is her ability to make meaningful choices.

How do you understand the meaning of the word determination?

Striving for the goal

20.69%

This is a quality of a person that helps him achieve his goals, achieve success, despite difficulties.

79.31%

Don't know

0%

Voted: 58

Psychologists, formulating the definition of this quality, focus on such components as:

  • motivation;
  • emotional-volitional component;
  • perception;
  • strength of character;
  • intellectual abilities.

Based on this, we can say that psychologists consider this character trait as an integrative one that develops throughout life.


Purposefulness develops throughout life

Determination and stubbornness should not be confused. The fundamental difference between these terms lies in the fact that the pursuit of a goal is based on a person’s conviction of its truth. While stubbornness lies in the fact that a person cannot give up the chosen path, although he knows that it is wrong.

Also, one cannot equate purposefulness and fanaticism. Purposeful people independently set a goal that is meaningful to them. Fanatics blindly follow their idol and implement his ideas.

Definition

If we look into the encyclopedic dictionary, we will see the following definition.

Purposefulness is a positive moral-volitional quality of an individual, which manifests itself in the form of the ability to set clear and achievable tasks and goals.

That is, determination is the concentration of feelings, thoughts and actions on persistent movement towards one’s goal and its achievement.

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In your own words, a purposeful person is someone who:

  • knows exactly what he wants;
  • understands how high the probability is that the goal will be achieved;
  • knows how to keep the final goal in mind and not switch to something else;
  • has strong convictions that he will not give up even under pressure from circumstances;
  • systematically moves towards the realization of his task, regardless of obstacles.

Purpose and determination

The concept of determination is inextricably linked with the word “goal”. The meaning of this term determines a person’s attitude towards goals, the ability to formulate them and go all the way to the desired result.

Sometimes it happens that a person sets a goal for himself, spends a lot of effort and time trying to achieve it, and then suddenly realizes that the end result is not at all what he wants. This situation clearly illustrates the fallacy of the task. This means that at the stage of setting a goal, a person did not take into account all possible choices and set priorities incorrectly.

Of course, all people make mistakes. There's nothing wrong with that. If a person realizes that he does not need what he is striving for, he can adjust the goal or set a new benchmark. However, the sad experience may be repeated.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 7 years of experience. Expert in the “Personality Psychology” section

Ask a Question

To overcome the vicious circle, when setting a goal, you need to check its correctness. This can be done by asking the following questions:

  1. Does this goal meet my life purpose?
  2. What will I get when I achieve it?
  3. Is this really what I need?
  4. Do I have the resources to achieve it?
  5. Why should I spend personal resources to achieve this goal?
  6. What difficulties will I face on the way to it?
  7. What skills, knowledge and abilities will I need to get what I want?

A person will not make efforts to achieve a goal that he does not like and does not provide him with any personal benefits. However, there are other cases: a person may realize the correctness and necessity of the goal, but a positive emotional response does not arise in his soul. This means that this goal is important to the person, but he understands that achieving it will be difficult. To do this, he may need to work on himself, develop certain skills and character traits. The importance of a goal indicates that there is a dream behind it. To realize this dream, a person will have to make volitional efforts. Anticipation of the realization of a cherished dream will increase the individual’s motivation to achieve the goal.

In order for goals to be clear and precise, it is important to determine the time frame for their achievement. This is difficult to do if the goal is large-scale. Therefore, it is recommended to break down global goals into small subgoals, the consistent achievement of which will lead to a large-scale result. A useful habit for developing goal-setting skills is making a plan for the day, week, month. In this case, it is possible to accurately determine the deadlines for the implementation of each task aimed at achieving the final result.

If the goal is set incorrectly, it reduces a person’s self-esteem, causes disappointment, and leads to his passivity. A series of wrong goals that a person tried to achieve turns him into a failure.

How to overcome laziness and develop determination?

Laziness is often cited as an obstacle to developing a sense of purpose. This is a conditional enemy within us, which we would like to overcome and become collected and purposeful.

Laziness can arise for a number of reasons, which can relate both to physical illness and internal contradictions with the goal. To understand yourself, you need to analyze the goal, its scale, scope, resource costs, including time.

Viktor Frankl, the creator of the psychotherapeutic direction “logotherapy,” said that for better motivation, the goal should be a little more than achievable, being a little “beyond the horizon,” always a little unattainable dream. Then there will be a good stable level of motivation and prevention of “disappointment in achievement.” The man who went through the horrors of a concentration camp, driven by his goals, knew what he was talking about.

How to overcome laziness and develop determination? Sometimes laziness masks the fear of not living up to your own hopes, when it seems that the goal bar is too high, but you honestly don’t want to admit it to yourself. To do this, the global goal should be divided into subgoals and the one that does not cause such stress should be taken as a guideline. Let the global one remain a dream, which allows for some unattainability at the moment. As you progress, the plan will be revised, and the steps and achievements already taken will strengthen confidence in the possibility of realizing your dream. Or it will become a sub-goal to a larger one.

Lack of motivation, or rather, its decline as implementation progresses or is still at the planning stage, is often cited as an obstacle to achieving a goal. Motivation is part of the emotional sphere, the “fuel” of will. If you postpone implementation for a long time, engaging in long-term planning, emotional energy is spent, but there is no reinforcement with the result, motivation decreases. At the implementation stage, motivation decreases due to increased stress from the workload.

To level out this decline, you need to remind yourself of the results, as well as plan intermediate stages with a specific, desired result, so that the pleasure from what you receive reinforces your motivation. The best option is when such an exchange occurs constantly; for this, to achieve the goal, certain steps should be taken daily. Therefore, at the initial stage of the formation of this quality, it is worth starting with the formation of some kind of habit, when actions should be daily and every day there is positive reinforcement in the form of a “tick” for the action performed and the pleasure of self-overcoming. Moreover, it is more effective to create a new, useful one, rather than fight the old one, i.e. do not deprive yourself of anything that can increase stress, but add something necessary. Gradually, you need to make your tasks more difficult, since performing an overly easy task for a long time reduces pleasure, since it is no longer assessed as an achievement. A certain satisfaction will remain in the background, but to constantly maintain a tangible level, you need to step to the next level.

Qualities of a purposeful person

A goal-oriented person has the following personal characteristics:

  • awareness;
  • the ability to clearly formulate a goal;
  • realistically assesses his strength to achieve the goal;
  • concentration on the desired result, which involves abstracting from everything unnecessary and extraneous;
  • a calm attitude towards difficulties on the way to the desired result;
  • confidence in the correctness of your life goals;
  • courage;
  • perseverance, perseverance;
  • hard work;
  • independence;
  • initiative;
  • determination;
  • strength of character;
  • diligence, diligence;
  • self-organization and self-discipline;
  • ability to obey rules;
  • ability to maintain prudence;
  • developed willpower, mental steadfastness, a person’s ability to resist temptations and momentary desires;
  • high level of self-control;
  • stress resistance;
  • the ability to defend one’s point of view with reason;
  • responsibility;
  • loyalty to your convictions.


Purposeful people

Purposefulness in Psychology

What is determination? This definition has many interpretations. It can reflect qualities, characteristics of an individual that he develops over time, or has a predisposition to it while still a child.

What does purposefulness mean:

  • self-control to achieve goals;
  • conscious orientation of the individual to achieve what he wants through active activity;
  • prudence, willpower and courage, helping to work with a given result;
  • the presence of persistent and unshakable convictions to which a person remains faithful, regardless of any outside arguments;
  • the desire and ability to follow a certain path without deviating from the intended goal.

Why is determination needed?

For many happy people, determination has become a priority topic in personal development, since this individual trait allows them to successfully cope with the following tasks:

  • increase a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence;
  • get rid of doubts and anxiety;
  • overcome laziness;
  • achieve success;
  • gain recognition and approval from the immediate social environment;
  • take criticism constructively;
  • find your mistakes and ways to eliminate them;
  • learn to be thoughtful about your life;
  • learn to understand yourself, hear your needs;
  • develop self-control skills.

Positive and negative attitudes towards goal orientation

Unpurposeful people are often called lazy, parasites. Colleagues say about such people that they are weak-willed, indecisive, quiet. In other words, others speak negatively about a person who is not characterized by active actions aimed at achieving a goal. But with the attitude towards purposeful people, everything is not so simple. The attitude towards them can be both positive and negative.

purposeful individuals are willingly hired by large companies;

focus on results allows a dedicated employee to perform his job duties efficiently;

a person’s ability to make the right choice is approved by society;

high sporting results of a purposeful person arouse national pride;

a purposeful person has many friends, since many appreciate his optimism, responsibility, commitment, punctuality, and analytical mind;

a purposeful person is set as an example in a team;

the ability to remove everything unnecessary from life makes such a person a role model;

purposefulness of actions makes a person a good family man;

Self-confidence and the ability to cogently express one’s position help a motivated person to become a leader and take a leadership position in a company.

the fact that a person goes headlong towards a landmark without taking into account the needs and desires of others is condemned by others;

wanting to get what he wants, a person uses all the methods and means available to him, which are not always legal, which entails administrative or criminal liability;

people do not like the fact that a person obsessed with obtaining the desired result can use personal connections for personal gain;

a person’s moral level, which determines his actions, can be extremely low.

Is it possible to develop this quality?

In psychology, determination has a dual nature. To a certain extent, this personality quality can be inherent in us from birth, just like temperament. In this case, one would assume that goal-oriented parents would have similar children. But this is not entirely true.

If you do not make some efforts and do not use the right methods of education, the necessary inclinations will remain untapped potential.

Purposefulness is fully acquired with experience, environment, education and self-education.

Let's consider how to develop it in yourself and what methods there are for this.

How to become a purposeful person

Some people have an innate ability to set goals and plan their actions to achieve them. However, most researchers are convinced that this character trait can and should be developed throughout life. If a person wants his goals to become achievable, he must:

  1. Give up laziness, develop motivation to achieve your goal. To do this, the goal must be realistic. But if the process of achieving it is too simple, the person’s motivation will be low. An increase in motivation is observed when a person needs to make an effort, take himself out of his comfort zone, wanting to get what he wants. If the dream is unattainable, the person will simply give up on it.
  2. You need to learn to concretize your desires and put them into verbal form. This will help you imagine the final result in detail and feel its subjective significance.

Statement of the goal must be personal! Purposefulness does not imply fulfilling other people's desires or meeting imposed standards.

  1. To avoid stress, you need to plan the process of achieving your goal. Each stage in this case is seen as a small step, an intermediate link on the way to a big result. With this approach, even the most unrealistic dream becomes real.
  2. If you have a dream, you need to plan for its implementation immediately. Otherwise, there is a chance that enthusiasm and fervor will subside. In addition, you need to learn to rank goals in order of importance and set priorities correctly. The guideline should be one’s own preferences and needs, and not the desire to conform to social stereotypes.
  3. To increase confidence in yourself and your abilities, you can seek help from a mentor. Its function will be reduced to checking the drawn up plan to achieve the goal. This person will be able to support and say the right words at a time when it is especially difficult and you want to give up the fight.
  4. Determination begins with habit. If a person knows how to live according to a pre-arranged daily routine, he will be able to transfer this skill to new conditions associated with the implementation of a plan to make a dream come true.
  5. Developing purposeful action is impossible without patience, perseverance and perseverance. You need to strengthen these qualities in yourself. You also need to learn to cope with your own weaknesses.

In order to become successful, you don't need to try to become better than someone else, you just need to become better than yourself in the past.

  1. It is important to learn to calmly accept changes in your usual routine and learn to do your work without fuss. In this case, a person will spend personal resources sparingly. Instead of performing useless actions while working, it is recommended to regularly visit the gym. Training will not only allow young people and girls to keep their bodies in good physical shape, but will also accustom a person to gradually increasing the load and train willpower.
  2. Goal-setting skills are successfully implemented in life by those people who have developed voluntary attention and observation. This means that a person who wants to make his dreams come true must learn to abstract from external distractions.

How to determine the time frame for achieving a goal

The key point at the beginning of the journey is to determine an adequate balance of forces to specify the exact time frame for achieving the goal.

You cannot set the bar too high and try to complete a complex task in the shortest possible time. In this case, the body may respond: blues, lack of diligence and abandonment of further goals.

Read more: 10 tips on how to manage time

Time management experts suggest that every person should have a beautiful diary, which will be the keeper of all planned tasks.

Thanks to the compiled schedule, you will be able to keep up everywhere, without compromising your personal life and work.

The main thing is that the time allocated to achieve the desired result is comfortable for vigorous activity.

Read more: Diary for setting tasks

How to build sense of purpose in children

Purposeful children grow up in families where parents pay great attention to developing responsibility and independence in the child. Parents who want their child to become successful and reach heights in life teach him to make choices.

Psychologists have developed a guide for parents on developing their child’s ability to formulate their own problems and successfully solve them:

  1. Since in the process of growing up a child strives to be like his father or mother, parents must convey to the child an example of determination.
  2. Mastering a particular type of activity requires repeated trials. It is impossible to learn anything without mistakes. The task of parents is to teach the child to treat failures correctly and learn from mistakes.
  3. It is important to teach your child to listen to himself and talk about his desires and needs.

Consequences of being too ambitious

Overly purposeful, even fanatical, goal setting always has negative consequences:

  • the risk of developing a depressive, anxiety disorder or other mental illness;
  • existence in conditions of constant stress, inability to relax and switch;
  • feeling of chronic fatigue, loss of vital energy;
  • sleep disorders;
  • problems in family relationships (inability to devote adequate time to children, partner, other relatives);
  • increased risk of addiction to alcohol, energy drinks, sedatives;
  • accelerated wear and tear of the body.

An example of determination from life

If you analyze the lives of successful people, you can find many examples of goal-oriented behavior. They can be considered the following life stories:

  • The girl graduated from school with C grades in many subjects. Her parents were worried that their daughter would not be able to enter a prestigious university and get a good education. However, the girl did not aspire to prestigious educational institutions. She had a dream: to become a hairdresser. Her parents were skeptical about her daughter’s choice, but they understood that college was perhaps the most she could count on.

Studying at college gave the girl the necessary theoretical and practical knowledge. The first step towards the dream was taken. The girl graduated from her studies with honors. The student completed her pre-graduation internship in a small hairdressing salon in her city, where experienced hairdressers immediately noticed her creativity, neatness, politeness and excellent knowledge of the basics of hairdressing. She was invited to work in this salon. Yesterday's graduate was jubilant: the goal was achieved! But she was not going to stop there: the girl realized that she really liked doing complex coloring, so she constantly took courses from hairdressers and colorists.

Today this girl opened her own beauty salon. No, she didn’t give up colorism. In her salon, she is not only the director, but also continues to receive clients.


The girl fulfilled her dream

  • The one-year-old baby really wants to learn to speak like adults. He understands that speech is a valuable tool through which he can communicate his wishes to his parents. In order for those around him to begin to understand him, the baby diligently repeats the words every day. Every day he gets better and better. The formation of a speech skill is associated with colossal volitional efforts; without regular exercises, speech cannot be formed.


Baby learns to speak

  • Wanting to perform successfully in competitions, an athlete not only attends training, but also follows a daily routine. The desire to win makes him refuse harmful (but so tasty!) foods, overcome muscle pain, fulfilling sports standards. Strict self-discipline helps him maintain toned muscles. Winning a competition gives him self-pride, satisfaction and public recognition.


Determined athlete

  • Many people do not like working under an employment contract. Many people have thoughts about opening their own business. Success in business will only come from a purposeful entrepreneur who is ready to devote himself to his business and work seven days a week (especially in the first months after starting a business). Professionally significant competencies of an individual entrepreneur are self-confidence, willingness to take risks, the ability to overcome doubts, an analytical mind, and developed willpower.


Successful Entrepreneur

  • If a girl wants to win the attention of a young man, she sets a specific goal for herself. Having decided what kind of relationship she wants with this young man, she chooses the means: she puts her appearance in order, is interested in the area in which the young man is competent, in order to be able to maintain a conversation in the company. In addition, she carefully analyzes her behavior in previous relationships that ended in separation, and she works on her personal shortcomings.


Wants to make a guy fall in love

  • Two friends met. One told the other about her new hobby: diamond mosaics. The woman became interested in a new form of art for her, so immediately after talking with her friend she went to the store and bought her first set of “Diamond Painting”. Laying out the design with rhinestones turned out to be a fascinating task. However, my back and neck got very tired. It took the woman 2 months to finish the work. Sometimes she completely lost the desire to engage in this type of art, but the picture was very beautiful, and with each new day the final result was getting closer. The woman found the strength to finish the job. Shimmering in the rays of the setting sun, the picture was pleasing to the eye. All the guests paid attention to such beauty and admired the patience of the craftswoman.


Purposefully assembles a diamond mosaic

Examples from life

Determination can manifest itself in any area and undertaking: business, sports, education, etc. This character trait helps to quickly achieve results and improve your standard of living, for example:

  • a purposeful person achieves great results in his professional activities, quickly climbs the career ladder, receiving recognition from management and material incentives;
  • in sports, such a person quickly achieves good results and takes prizes in competitions;
  • determination helps to maintain motivation in studies and master new material more effectively;
  • in creativity, this quality helps to bring the work started to the end: complete a painting, write a book, a piece of music, etc.

Determination is often confused with fanaticism. But it's not the same thing. I will explain the fundamental difference between them with an example.

Imagine two people going to the gym to gain muscle mass. One is raving about the results and doesn’t get off the exercise machines all night long. Another clearly set a course for getting himself in order for the summer season, regularly attends training, not forgetting about other areas of his life - family, work, leisure.

What is the difference? A fanatic limits himself to any pleasure and cannot think about anything other than his goal. For a purposeful person, his task is also important; he keeps it in his head and gradually moves towards it, but at the same time maintains his sanity and can make adjustments to his route if circumstances require it.

Examples of determination can be seen in the autobiography of any successful person. Let's remember the story of Li Ka-shing - the richest man in China and one of the most influential investors in Asia. At the age of 12, he was left as the only breadwinner in the family and was forced to quit his studies and put up with any hard work.

The only thing the father left behind to his son was a love of learning and determination. Ka-Shing set himself the goal of becoming a rich man and did not stop studying in his free time. Now we can see the fruits of his perseverance.

Quotes from famous people

Many researchers talk about determination. The most striking quotes from writers and scientists are:

“The main stone of any success is determination” (N. Hill);

“A purposeful kid is able to defeat a weak-willed giant” (N. Hill);

“Clarity of goal and an ardent desire to achieve it are the key to victory” (N. Hill);

“The basis of determination is the ability to abstract from secondary things” (M. Dreyspitz);

“A goal-oriented person seeks means to achieve a goal. If they don’t exist, he creates them himself” (W. Channing).

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