10 signs that people are secretly jealous of you and how to protect yourself from envy

When we hear the phrase “envy with white envy” addressed to someone

, this does not bother us at all, but when such an expression is addressed in our direction, it immediately begins to be somewhat annoying, and somehow the question arises in itself, is this white envy really so white?

The fact
that our friends envy us indicates
that everything is fine with us and we have something that other people want to have. But, as a rule, the envy of other people causes us some anxiety and concern, and somehow suddenly a certain suspicion begins to creep in that all the good things are about to end and everything will change dramatically, not for the better.

It doesn't matter whether a person believes or not that another person's gaze can actually bring trouble.

, one way or another, the very word “jinxed” causes anxiety and a bad feeling. Plus, we know what real nasty things can be expected from a person who is jealous all the time.

The evil eye is a weapon not only of dangerous people, but also of those who are completely unaware

that can do this. You can get the evil eye even due to taciturn envy. And therefore, for those people who are truly worried in this area, it will be very interesting and useful to learn exactly how to protect themselves from the evil eye of an evil person, neighbor or gypsy.

You hear insincere compliments

The first thing people do when they envy you is shower you with compliments.

, which can sound differently: both sincerely and with secret malice. But, for example, as soon as you leave the room, such people will immediately start rolling their eyes.

In all likelihood, people who are jealous will pretend

that they don’t envy you at all, but they will never say it out loud or show their emotions. In this situation, there is one very good method that helps a lot. It is necessary to praise the envious person himself when something really works out for him. This behavior of yours will in some way curb the feelings of the envious and help people see you as a sincere and good person.

You should never take the words of envious people seriously

to understand whether it is flattery or sincerity, because behind them there may be hidden intentions towards you. This way, you can minimize the fact that seemingly sincere compliments from these people can actually turn into duplicity.

Is envy good or bad?

In the course of research, psychologists have proven that there is a direct connection between envy and mental disorders such as:

• hysteria;
• neuropathy;
• anancaste personality disorder;
• infantilism;
• neurosis;
• obsessive-compulsive disorder;
• affective disorders;
• passive aggression;
• emotional disorders.

Envy is not always viewed as a character pathology. This trait has both negative and positive consequences.

Advantages and disadvantages

this personality trait destroys friendships;

envious people are prone to nervous exhaustion;

they often develop hypertension and other pathologies of the cardiovascular system;

this personality trait reduces a person’s quality of life;

the envious person has disturbed sleep;

the envious person’s value system becomes distorted;

human envy is a common cause of criminal behavior;

this feeling prevents a person from focusing on his own priorities and goals;

envy increases the level of personal anxiety of an individual and reduces his self-esteem;

envy provokes the production of cortisol in the body (a hormone responsible for the occurrence of depressive states in an individual);

greed, dependence on material values;

cruelty;

envy leads to despair and feelings of guilt;

envious people experience their mistakes and failures for a long time and hard; they are unable to extract valuable experience from their mistakes;

envious people will face social maladjustment and loneliness;

such people are not respected;

envy gives rise to suicidal thoughts;

a person who experiences envy is never truly happy, no matter how successful he achieves.

envy awakens a competitive spirit in a person, a sense of healthy rivalry;

it determines competition in business;

envy stimulates a person to be active, helps to express oneself in one area or another;

this character trait helps a person survive in difficult conditions;

Thanks to envy, athletes set world records.

It cannot be said that envy is a uniquely negative feeling. There is also good in it. Those who are mentally weak should beware of this feeling.

Do you think envy can be useful?

Yes. For example, she can help you understand your desires.

71.43%

No

28.57%

I find it difficult to answer

0%

Voted: 7

Envious people understand that their personality traits are preventing them from living. D. Carnegie in his books offers many exercises for envious people that will help them change their attitude towards themselves and others.

When envious people rejoice in your defeats

When something doesn’t work out for you and doesn’t work out the way you wanted, your envious people begin to experience real joy from it. These people carefully hide these emotions of theirs, but in their hearts they are very satisfied with your position.

You need to learn to be calm about your mistakes. And you can always answer your envious people that we all learn from our mistakes. It is important not to show your frustration in any way so that people who are jealous of you cannot enjoy your defeats.

How to deal with envy in a child

To eradicate a negative character trait in a child, parents need to know where envy comes from. Parents should:

1. Be attentive to the baby’s requests and needs, and satisfy them whenever possible. However, it is not worth satisfying all the whims and slightest whims, since envy often manifests itself as manipulation.
2. Try not to discuss the unfair attitude of your superiors or the undeserved promotion of a colleague up the career ladder in front of your child.
3. When wanting to awaken a child’s motivation to do something, parents should not give him examples of successful peers.
4. If a schoolchild, coming home, tells his parents that a classmate has the latest iPhone model, adults should take this information calmly and explain to the child that the main function of a mobile device is making calls. The remaining options are a nice addition. It is also important to emphasize that the child himself also has a very good phone, the functionality of which fully meets the needs of the student.

Every person needs to learn to appreciate what he has.

When they hate you for no reason

If you feel like they hate you for no reason, then they definitely envy you. And a completely difficult test can be the realization that you are hated because of envy.

You will probably even have a desire to please your opponent, but most likely you will not succeed. In fact, such a person simply needs to be erased from your life. Try to surround yourself only with people who carry positive emotions. You have absolutely no need for all this negativity, and, probably, these people themselves are not happy about such unjustified negativity towards others, so just let them go.

Stages of development of envy

How does the formation of envy occur from the position of psychoanalysis? In several stages.

1. Idealization, that is, exaggeration of something positive and downplaying of something negative in a person. The same is true for strengths and weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages, defeats and victories. In general, anything. Idealization is a distorted perception of another person. The envious person allegedly appropriates the shortcomings of others and gets rid of his own merits, endowing them with the object of envy. Once you understand and realize this, begin to behave emotionally opposite, and envy will begin to disintegrate.
2. Self-humiliation, complete self-depreciation and harm to the object of envy. A person, sometimes without realizing it, begins to provoke his opponent with his own emotional behavior. A state akin to paranoia develops. In its form, when a person tries to expel self-hatred from himself and ends up hating the one he envies.

Thus, first a person absorbs the negative traits and failures of the object of envy, endows him with his own merits, and devalues ​​himself. And later, irritated and offended by this, he projects back onto him full of shortcomings. As a result, a person devotes so much energy to his experiences that he becomes completely consumed by hatred and is incapable of productive actions.

People are constantly gossiping behind your back

Envious people secretly always try to discuss you and your behavior in every detail. And in fact, this is not funny at all, since they can spread very bad rumors about you. You can confront them directly in order to stop these people.

As a rule, people who, out of jealousy, spread rumors behind your back, are not actually hostile towards you, and therefore sometimes one serious conversation may be quite enough for them to stop spreading gossip about you.

Reasons for envy

Of course, not everyone has this difficult feeling. On the contrary, a self-confident person is motivated by the success and well-being of others to new achievements. It is precisely such self-sufficient, bright personalities who are most envied.

Creative, active and successful people do not understand that it is possible to think differently, and generously share their plans and ideas with others, provoking a wave of black envy. After all, unfortunately, there are always those who cannot adequately perceive such information. And on this “fertile” soil such dubious fruits ripen as anger, gossip, intrigue and the desire to harm the irritant object.

To learn not to envy, psychologists advise first understanding the causes of negative emotions.

Here are some of them.

1. Personal failures that destroy a person from the inside for a long time. You give up, there is a feeling of hopelessness and reluctance to do anything.
2. Dissatisfaction with the state of affairs, a tendency to laziness and reluctance to change the usual way of life. Degrading, a person tries to justify himself by coming up with reasons that are non-existent or important only in his understanding, why nothing works out for him.
3. The need for material goods or emotional hunger in relationships.
4. Lack of personal achievements, career and personal growth, low self-esteem.
5. Strong envy is caused by such a character trait as greed. Without experiencing satisfaction from owning what they already have, a selfish person strives to get more and more, experiencing negative emotions towards those who are richer and more successful.

Against the background of a depressed state and anger, both at oneself and at the injustice of fate, a desire appears to justify one’s weakness. Often the culprit is the more successful person whose life seems successful. This is caused by an incomplete perception of the world and is considered a cognitive error, because the envious person does not take into account the amount of effort, time and money spent by the one who has achieved more.

When they start competing with you

People who experience envy are constantly in a battle for leadership because their pursuit of success is actually permanent. Such people may even be dangerous, or they may be overly arrogant and want to appear better than others.

You may have a desire to put your envious person in his place. If he tries to argue with you about promotion, try to tell him that you are not competing with him. After all, such people immediately lose interest in competing with you as soon as you stop following their lead.

How to protect yourself from the negative energy of envious people?

Don't brag and talk less about yourself

Undoubtedly, it is nice to share your joys and achievements. But if a person shows his superiority too zealously, brags about his successes, constantly talks about his excellent relationships with management and victories on the personal front, this will in any case irritate people prone to envy.

Therefore, to save yourself from envy, give up the habit of putting yourself above others.

And it’s better to talk about your personal life – your husband’s creative successes, excellent-study children and an understanding mother-in-law – only with your family, and not at work. Because there will always be people deprived of family warmth - unhappy wives or single women.

Don't flirt openly at work

Especially with several men at the same time. Even if your professional affairs are going well. This way you won’t make enemies among the female half of the team.

Behave correctly at corporate events

No matter how great your mood is at the party, under no circumstances praise yourself, but rather admire other people, the atmosphere, the work of the host, the performances of the artists, and so on.

Don't show your superiority

If in a group or team you constantly feel your intellectual superiority, do not demonstrate it. You especially shouldn’t do this in relationships with your superiors.

Try to use your intellectual potential to grow spiritually and professionally.

Be tactful in your communication

If you have problems with self-esteem, you shouldn’t increase it at the expense of others: “I’m so beautiful and fashionable. No match for you." When communicating, do not offend or embarrass your interlocutors.

Cleanse yourself energetically

When taking a shower in the evening, imagine that you are removing all the negative energy that has accumulated during the day. If possible, take a shower after communicating with an unpleasant person. If this is not possible, wash your hands and wash your face.

Do not forget to cleanse yourself in the same way after visiting places that are unpleasant to you, as well as places with large crowds of people.

Perform a third eye massage

Use the bone of the index finger of your right hand to massage the “third eye,” imagining how all negative energy leaves and is neutralized in space.

Use the "Brickwork" method

If your envious person is in the same office with you, and it is not possible to move from him, do the “Brickwork” exercise. Imagine that a wall is growing between you and the envious person, brick by brick. Lay the bricks carefully and evenly and secure them with an imaginary mortar.

Continue “construction” to a height that is comfortable for you.

If you are surrounded by a whole “flock” of envious people, surround yourself with walls on the right sides. Do this exercise calmly and concentratedly; you don’t need to wish the envious people all sorts of nasty things like: “I’ll wall you up, you’ll know.”

Take advantage of the power of nature

Try to take a walk during your lunch break in a park or square. Go to a tree, breathe in its aroma, lean against it. If there are no trees nearby or there is no desire/opportunity to walk, place branches of poplar, aspen or lilac on the table - they help protect against negative energy.

You can also place a pot of ivy on the table or sew yourself a sachet filled with dried periwinkle leaves and carry it with you.

When people start imitating you

People who most often experience feelings of envy try to subconsciously seem better than you and begin to imitate you in every possible way. These people only feel better when they completely copy your clothing style or communication style.

Don't feel bad about it, rather try to encourage such people to follow their own path. And at the moment when they try to do something on their own, encourage them in every possible way. Try to show them that in order to be yourself you don’t have to imitate you.

The negative impact of envy on health

Envy depletes the psyche and, as a result, has a detrimental effect on physical health. Let us consider the mechanism of this effect.

Being envious, a person experiences a feeling of inferiority, which can give rise to depression, accompanied by passive aggression and anger towards more fortunate people. Against the backdrop of these toxic emotions, gloating develops; the envious person begins to take pleasure when the other person fails. This method of increasing self-esteem is false and leads to internal devastation and apathy.

The companions of envy - disappointment, depression, irritation, anger, hatred - begin to destroy physically. The body reacts to negative thoughts and feelings in the following ways:

• Depression causes bowel and lung problems, with symptoms including constipation, low blood oxygen levels and difficulty breathing.
• Irritation affects the skin: hives or other forms of rash may appear, psoriasis and eczema may worsen. When in a state of irritation and stress, the body produces the hormone cortisol, which causes the glands to produce more subcutaneous fat, which leads to acne and other skin problems.
• Hatred affects heart health and stimulates the development of tachycardia, hypertension and chest pain.
• Anger and frustration have negative effects on the eyes, gallbladder and liver. Congestion in these organs and problems with detoxification may occur, cholesterol may increase, and digestion may worsen due to unbalanced bile secretion.

There is evidence that negative emotions have a detrimental effect on the body's immune system. This means that an envious person, who is usually in a bad mood, feels angry, sad or stressed, is more likely to get sick from ARVI, flu or herpes.

Envy also leads to defensive reactions such as sarcasm, contempt, snobbery and narcissism, with the help of which the envious person tries to minimize the existential threat created by other people's advantages. This leads to the loss of friends and allies, and the erosion of even the closest relationships. The resulting bitterness and melancholy can provoke bodily reactions and manifest themselves in the form of:

• insomnia;
• excessive fatigue;
• weight loss or gain;
• back and neck pain;
• sexual dysfunction.

In addition, envy literally causes physical pain. This was shown by a scientific experiment, which consisted of the following: subjects were asked to imagine themselves in a situation where they encountered more successful, wealthy and influential people and envied them. At the same time, a brain scan of the experimental group was performed. When people felt jealous, areas of the brain involved in registering physical pain were activated.

The more envious the subjects were, “the more vigorously the pain nodes in the anterior cingulate cortex and related areas flared up.” In other words, the brain was actually registering physical pain similar to that experienced by grief-stricken people.

An envious person under stress may have a tendency to smoke and drink alcohol, which ultimately has a negative impact on physical well-being. Even if a person leads a healthy lifestyle, mood disturbances and negative emotions negate the benefits of a balanced diet, adequate sleep and regular exercise.

Start to envy the envious people yourself

This unusual method may seem paradoxical, but it works very well in practice.

People who envy us feel even worse from their own powerlessness and begin not only to rejoice at your successes, but to truly experience suffering from their feelings of inferiority. For such people, envy becomes a habit and they simply stop noticing their merits. But there is something good in every person. You just need to find it.

And if such a person cannot independently identify such qualities in himself, help him find them and “envy” him with all sincerity, in other words, express your admiration for the qualities that you discovered in him.

Psychotherapist's opinion

Today we want to take a deeper look at what ENVY is, and psychiatrist and psychotherapist Olesya Vladimirovna Nosenko will help us with this.

Photo by @dr_nosenkoov

Take our test: TEST-time! Choose a bag and find out why others envy you

Colady : Olesya, hello. Let's start with the main thing, what is envy from a psychological point of view?

Olesya: In simple words, envy is an unpleasant human feeling caused by displeasure from the well-being and achievements of other people.

Colady : What most often stimulates a person to envy other people? Who is most often envied?

Olesya: Most often, a person is stimulated to envy by low self-esteem. When he is dissatisfied with his life, has no personal achievements or devalues ​​them. In such cases, any success, material and emotional benefits of other people provoke envy.

Colady : How to distinguish envy from desire?

Olesya: Envy is the desire to get what someone else has and regret that you don’t have it. If you remember why you had this or that desire, then, most likely, you will understand that it was supported by envy of the person with whom you wanted to synchronize, i.e. become just like him. We all experience envy, even if we hide it from ourselves. Our desires hide envy.

Colady : Can we say that envy is a feeling that is negative in its structure; in other words, that envy is always bad?

Olesya: The feeling of envy is considered a bad feeling, according to most people, but in reality it is not so. It all depends on what the person experiencing it does. Envy forces people to want something and strive for it, improve their lives, and reach new heights. This feeling stimulates and motivates to action and activity.

Pexels Photos

Colady : Is envy dangerous, and if so, why?

Olesya: There is also a negative form of envy, destructive, when a person does nothing for self-realization. Such people are in constant irritation and anxiety, in a negative state, which can lead to depression and dark obsessive thoughts.

Colady : How to recognize that a person is jealous of you and how to protect yourself from it?

Olesya: Such a person shows hatred towards you without objective reasons, gossips about you, shows you false joy and attention while you are around, rejoices at your failures, especially behind your back, often competes with you, belittles your successes and exaggerates his own merits , imitates you. Try not to enter into conflict, use your sense of humor more often, admire the successes of the envious person, listen more than you talk.

Colady : Can happy people be jealous?

Olesya: Of course they can, but we continue to live and strive for the best. For example, I have never seen an absolutely happy person.

Colady : Is women's envy different from men's?

Olesya: Women are more emotional than men, so their envy is often destructive both for themselves and for the object of envy.

Pexels Photos

Colady : How to transform envy into something good?

Olesya: The original understanding of envy is when a person feels annoyance at the success of another. But this can be transformed into the category “I want this.” If you track your desires in this way, then it will not be envy. In this case, we can mentally thank the person: “It’s great that you have this, I realized that I want it too. You told me my next wish." This is the way out of envy. As soon as we begin to think like this, this is no longer “white” envy, it is an opportunity to see that your desire is available, since someone else has it.

For example, you work as a teacher and your colleague was given a concert ticket by the trade union committee. You can be upset about this, think: “What a pity that they didn’t give me a ticket, I would also like to go” - this will be “white” envy. You might think: “She is generally unworthy of this gift, let the concert be bad” - this is “black” envy. And if you say: “How cool, I want it too.” How did you manage that? I would also like to be given a ticket, you and I would go together” - there is no envy here at all. Many people consider the latter option to be “white” envy, but this is not so.

Colady : Please give our readers tips to prevent envy. How should they act so as not to envy others?

Olesya: Work on yourself, develop. Look for the positive even in small things.

This is interesting! Psychologists Nicole Henniger and Christine Harris from the University of California in the USA conducted a study to find out how a person's age affects the manifestations of envy. To do this, they surveyed about 2,000 people aged 18 to 80 years.

Young people were largely envious of the appearance and success in the personal lives of their peers. But with age, envy of others’ material well-being and successful career is more common. Among the youngest respondents, 28% experienced it, but among survey participants over 50 years old, about 40% experienced it.

Ways to protect yourself from envy

In order to calmly get rid of negativity in the future and restore the protective energy shell, envy and various diseases can be prevented. It is worth remembering that even an inadvertently spoken word from an envious person can disrupt the way of life of an unprotected person.

Important rules:

1. Never tell

about your own plans.

2. Try to share

some of your own joyful events only with those people whom you definitely trust.

3. Never advertise

some important, recently started task, until the moment it ends.

4. Work hard with those around you.

you people avoid scandals and quarrels.

5. To avoid becoming a victim of an envious person

, try to spread any information about yourself as little as possible, and also do not share your happiness. You can’t even imagine how much people envy you at that moment when your eyes shine with happiness.

6. Not everyone knows that the sensory mind exists.

, and not everyone is able to develop it within themselves. If we release our emotions, they can change the world around us. First of all, this applies to those people who can lead to enormous destruction with just their mental message. And therefore, try to behave in such a way that the people around you do not get irritated by your statements, then you will not receive energy lightning with an evil message in response.

7. The most unprotected place of a person is the back

, so try not to turn this place towards an unfriendly person. Evil words spoken to your back can penetrate your energy defenses and harm you.

8. Make it a rule never to judge other people behind their backs.

, because if they find out about this, then it is still unknown what kind of energy force you can get from him.

9. Try to forgive your ill-wishers.

After all, when you forgive them, powerful protection comes into play at the energy level. Remember, your opponents will definitely return their own thoughts with a wish for evil, and blessings will return for you. This has actually been tested for centuries, the main thing is that you need to forgive people with all your heart.

10. Wear mirrored jewelry.

Regular glasses with clear lenses tend to avoid unkind glances and will help you maintain your energy. Mirror earrings and pendants that girls wear can remove negativity and send it back to the one who sent it.

11. Regular pin

will help you protect yourself from envy and damage if you pin it on the inside of your clothes. It can protect a person from negative energy.

12. Holy water

, which should always be kept in the house, will help after communicating with envious and unkind people.

13. Store all your wedding photos carefully.

, jewelry and gifts from the other half. They, just like the two of you together, can become your talisman of well-being and happiness.

14. The most popular method of protection from human envy

and the evil eye is a method in which it is necessary to close the solar middle chakra with your hands. This method is very common among businessmen, politicians and other public people.

All that is needed to close this place is to cross your arms over your chest. This closes the solar plexus. If you don’t have this option, then just cross your fingers. The well-known figure of three fingers, called a fig, is actually an effective and excellent way of protection from various energy vampires and from envious people. Just keep the fig in your pocket.

Can envy be beneficial?

The great poet and prose writer Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin wrote: “Envy is the sister of competition, and therefore comes from a good family.” Indeed, in the Russian tradition it is customary to paint envy in two colors: black and white. “Black” is evil and destructive envy, “white” is benevolent, it demonstrates joy for the success of another person. Is this division justified and can envy be beneficial? Let's figure it out.

The main difference between “black” and “white” envy is how a person treats the subject of envy. If the thought arises: “I envy this person and want to rise to his level,” then we are talking about good envy. Her “dark” sister evokes the thought: “I envy this person and want him to sink to my level or lower.”

Being envious in a black way, a person experiences hostility and resentment, which entails not only the desire to take possession of the desired object, but also to cause damage to the one who possesses it. “White” envy is devoid of ill will; it is based on admiration for a person who has achieved greater success. This admiration can turn into inspiration and motivation for the envious person, spurring him to achieve better results in a rational way. It turns out that envy can also be a positive emotion that evokes healthy competition and the desire to improve oneself.

Envy is a matter of attitude. When meeting people in life who are better and more successful, you can react in different ways: with indifference, joy, admiration or envy. By choosing envy, a person dooms himself to stagnation, because he refuses to learn from those who know and understand more than him. A healthy response to the achievements of others provides the opportunity to grow and gain the benefits you desire.

Friends, don't waste your precious energy on unproductive feelings. Focus on your life and strive to make it more comfortable, brighter and happier. May success accompany you!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Impact of stress on quality of life
• Why comparing yourself to other people can be beneficial
• What things in your life should you simplify?
• Lessons of Wisdom from Epictetus
• Emotions and health: how they are interconnected
• Anger management: a selection of useful materials
• Managing team emotions
• 5 motivation killers
• How to get rid of envy?
• 10 most disgusting personality traits

Key words:1Psychoregulation

What and who do people usually envy?

Envy mainly spreads V. S. Ramachandran, B. Jalal. The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy / Frontiers in Psychology on those around us who are close to us in status or whose success is expressed in categories that we understand.

For this reason, we react more sharply. L. Leahy. Cognitive‑Behavioral Therapy for Envy / Cognitive Therapy and Research on the achievements of others in areas that concern us. For example, an Olympic champion may be envied by athletes or those who believe that they did not achieve similar success at a similar age.

The achievements of people we know excite us. Menon, L. Thompson. Envy at Work / Harvard Business Review is stronger than unknown passersby. And we compare ourselves less often with very successful people, since we usually do not consider that we have equal talents or opportunities with them.

Finally, more vivid negative emotions are caused in us by V. S. Ramachandran, B. Jalal. The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy / Frontiers in Psychology concrete, not abstract things. We are more likely to envy an expensive car, a big house or frequent trips abroad than to be envious of conceptual happiness.

That is, a former classmate with his Lexus is a more likely target for envy than Elon Musk. We have known the first one for a long time, and he parks the car right under our window, and the second one turns over astronomical sums somewhere in North America.

Envious people have accompanied me all my life

Do you know your envious people?

Yuri Buziashvili: Envious people have accompanied me all my life. But for some reason it turned out that without thinking about them (I give you my word of honor), I silenced them with my achievements. That's why I didn't feel them. They couldn't do anything bad to me. Although there have been such attempts. But I easily repelled them. Despite the fact that I have never received anything undeservedly. I worked very hard. So many. I can overcome what is sometimes insurmountable and find a way out of any seemingly hopeless situation. I have this. I just need to be “ignited”, and I must know in the name of whom and what I am doing this. As an example, I can cite the construction of our center (cardiovascular surgery named after Bakulev - V.V.). Construction was started by my teacher Vladimir Ivanovich Burakovsky (academician, famous cardiac surgeon - V.V.) in 1984, and in 1990, when it slowed down, I was already a mature person standing next to him. At least he brought me closer to him. And I managed to do a lot to complete the construction. Believe me, there were a lot of difficulties to overcome, but I knew why I was doing this. So why should anyone be jealous? Hardly. Did they envy me? Of course, they were jealous. Because such a career cannot but be envied. Do I still have envious people now? I think yes. But again, I don't feel them. I live on my own. And whether the fact of my life is a reason for their envy, let them decide, I am not a pleaser of envious people. I don’t specifically give such reasons. And if they find them, it doesn't concern me.

What to do if you can’t suppress envy

It is important to be honest with yourself, the psychologist emphasizes. Accept the fact that you have envy, and to prevent it from growing to immense proportions, you will have to control yourself.

“Such control is a growth point for deep internal changes. Through awareness and overcoming negative qualities, we purify ourselves and become stronger, this is how our personality develops and becomes stronger. At the same time, envy can be transformed into gratitude and admiration,” emphasizes Ekaterina Talakova. Take a closer look at the person who catches your attention so much:

• what are its strengths;
• what qualities help you achieve success;
• how constructive their manifestations are.

Perhaps envy will become an inspiration for you, a push to discover new opportunities of your own.

How does this feeling arise?

Step 1: Comparison

Envy starts when we compare ourselves to others. As long as a person is busy with himself and does not look around, there is no one to envy him. But as soon as he turns his attention to others and compares, unpleasant thoughts appear.

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Step 2: Inflated Self-Esteem

Comparison in itself is not envy. It can be objective and even neutral. For example: I have a one-room apartment, and my neighbor has a two-room apartment. This is a statement of fact, without emotional overtones. But as soon as we start to think that “the neighbor is richer (prettier, more successful, etc.) than me and this is unfair” - that’s envy, right there.

“Such thoughts arise when a person considers himself better than others and does not allow other people to have any advantages. He looks down on those around him, although he does not admit it. Lack of modesty, acceptance, inability to objectively assess someone’s capabilities or abilities is a direct path to the appearance of envy,” the specialist emphasizes.

As a rule, we envy people of our own sex: men - the career successes of other men, women - the beauty and successful personal lives of other women. Both are envious of the age of younger people.

Step 3: Denying Yourself

Envy reveals an interesting paradox of human nature. An envious person considers himself better than others, but does not love himself. In fact, he condemns himself, criticizes himself. It is impossible to treat yourself with love and envy others - these are mutually exclusive concepts. “By what becomes an object of envy, you can determine what a person does not accept about himself: appearance, family, position in society, career success, etc.,” says Ekaterina Talakova.

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