As the aphorist Wladyslaw Grzegorczyk once aptly noted, “people are ready to envy even a beautiful funeral.” Indeed, we are well aware of how bad, unproductive and poisonous this feeling is.
But alas, we can’t help ourselves - we just have to open social networks, see an advertisement or hear about the achievements of friends, and immediately a vile voice is heard inside: “It’s so dishonest - why is it all for some and nothing for me?!”
If this annoys you and you want to know how to stop being envious, then below we have prepared some tips on how to heal from feelings of annoyance at other people's successes. We warn you, it may not be possible to do this right away, but the result is definitely worth it!
To be jealous or not. Two stories from life
I want to clearly show you how destructive envy is. To do this, I’ll tell you a few true stories.
At the institute, I had a classmate who was terribly jealous of her friend. And everything about Marina was better: her clothes, thick hair, and good skin. She often tried to copy Marina, but everything got out of control. Everyone either openly noticed this and laughed at her, or made fun of her behind her back.
She herself began to have skin problems and constant rashes. She became embittered and offended, which attracted even more unpleasant situations; she began to get sick often and had huge problems with her studies due to absences.
As you can see, envy is a destructive feeling that attracts many problems and troubles, even with health.
My student Elena shared her story with me. She hated the couples that popped up everywhere out of nowhere in the spring, all those flowers, declarations of love, kisses in public places! Romance, it was all just annoying...
Later it turned out that this hatred is pure envy, a hidden desire for love and to have a romantic, happy relationship.
What is most surprising is that when she was embittered by “ostentatious love,” she herself had no luck with gentlemen. She was absolutely lonely and unhappy. As soon as she learned to be happy for the love in other people's couples, she herself met a person who made her happy.
If you are wondering:
- How to overcome envy?
- How to kill this feeling?
- How to stop being jealous of others?
- What to do if people are jealous?
Be sure to read this article to the end.
Why is envy so harmful?
Having figured out how to get rid of envy, it is worth discussing why it is so important to do this as soon as possible (and how this will affect your future life). It is not for nothing that envy is considered a vice. It has a number of negative impacts throughout our lives:
- causes suffering, leads to depression;
- may impair physical health;
- does not allow you to be happy for loved ones;
- destroys good relationships with others;
- prevents you from learning from those who are more successful.
Each of these points is quite obvious. Envy is a source of unnecessary worries, pain and suffering. Plunging into these unpleasant thoughts, a person may well become truly ill. Sometimes even the successes of loved ones cause envy, and this can ruin relationships.
The last point in the above list is also interesting. If another person's success causes envy, we cannot learn from his example because we do not believe that he achieved success on his own. But having gotten rid of the negative feeling, you can analyze with interest his successes and understand how to achieve the same yourself.
Negative Impact
Envy is recognized as a vice in many cultures, because those driven by it are capable of terrible acts. Dissatisfaction forces one to step over moral principles. But the whole point is that a person cannot pull himself together and gets fixated on negative emotions. They continue to eat him from the inside and distort his perception of the world.
An envious person, more than anything else, wants to harm someone who so “unfairly” got what he wanted, and his life turns into a nightmare. Sometimes it comes to the point that people turn to sorcerers and witches, paying huge sums of money to send damage or curse the “enemy.” But is it worth it? Isn't it easier to relax and live, calmly achieving your goals? And then, perhaps, they will begin to envy your success?
Distorted thinking is constantly looking for new victims and objects of envy, but all you have to do is stop comparing yourself to others and start enjoying your achievements.
Why does envy arise?
Not all people are inclined to envy. Self-confident individuals are not susceptible to envy, and other people's successes only motivate them. But if a person doubts himself, there is a possibility that he will experience this destructive feeling when he sees the achievements of others. Thus, the main reason for envy is lack of self-confidence.
People with low self-esteem simply do not believe that they can achieve anything on their own. They believe that no one in the world achieves anything on their own, but some people are simply lucky. The words “success” and “luck” are synonymous for them.
Most often, envy arises for reasons such as:
- Lack of material wealth and the realization that there is no opportunity to improve one’s well-being;
- Low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with current life successes, lack of achievements in personal life and career;
- Self-deception, lack of understanding of the reasons for one’s own failures;
- Emotional hunger, dissatisfaction with relationships;
- Greed, the desire to get maximum benefits without making any effort.
To get rid of envy, you need to understand what exactly caused this destructive feeling. It doesn't have to be anything from the list above. But almost always the true cause of envy is associated with low self-esteem or negative life experiences.
When a person fails to cope with a task, he concludes that he has encountered injustice: he tried, made an effort, but received nothing in return. At the same time, he sees the success of another person, but has absolutely no idea how much he worked for the result. Therefore, it seems to him that the second person was simply lucky.
As a result, he experiences a whole complex of unpleasant emotions. He justifies his own weakness with blatant injustice. And in relation to a more successful person, he only feels anger, thinking that he acted dishonestly, cheated, or received a gift from fate.
Well, friends, now we are ready to move on to the main thing.
How to get rid of envy: 10 ways
You can talk for a long time about the nature and forms of manifestation of envy, but the fact that you need to get rid of it is indisputable. This feeling has no positive manifestations; it makes a person suffer and even pushes him to do bad things. There are 10 simple exercises that you can do to overcome envy and get rid of this feeling forever.
Focus on your own successes and strengths
Write down your strengths and important life achievements in a notebook. Evaluate each item on the resulting list and think about whether it could be the object of someone’s envy. You will discover that you also have many things that others may envy, and perhaps you simply did not notice. Make it a rule to regularly notice and record your own achievements - create your own “Success Diary”.
Take responsibility for your own success
You can justify your failures by external circumstances, but every person must understand that his future life depends on today's actions. You must understand that the circumstances in which you live today are the result of your actions over all previous years. This is one of the most important steps towards taking control of your own life and stopping being envious of others' successes.
Learn to enjoy other people's successes
When your friend or relative succeeds in something, it is always good. You want success for your loved ones, right? This means that when a friend buys an apartment or a car, you can be happy for him, even if you yourself haven’t saved up for such a purchase yet.
Develop yourself
Envy is the unwillingness to admit that another person deserved something. Such denial is often a consequence of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. This means that the best way to deal with this is to become better yourself. Start developing in all directions that you consider important, devoting at least a little time to it every day. Your self-esteem will increase, and you won’t have to think about how to get rid of envy - you will forget about this feeling forever.
Give compliments more often
This is one of the most effective ways. When a loved one does something better than you, praise him. Just don’t go to extremes, giving a compliment through clenched teeth or praising a person for every little thing. Praise must be sincere and deserved.
Learn to see the whole picture
We often openly envy our friends who have achieved certain success in business. At the same time, we do not think about what sacrifices they have to make for the sake of work. Therefore, if you have a businessman friend or a fashion model friend, do not rush to envy their success. Think about how hard their job is and how much time they have left to relax with their family like you did last weekend. Perhaps your successful friend would prefer to be in your place.
Don't criticize
Many people use criticism to validate themselves. They think that by verbally humiliating successful people, they elevate themselves. But such criticism is rarely constructive or at least justified, and all arguments boil down to the banal thesis “I would have acted differently!” Even if you don't agree with a person's actions, try to understand why he did it. And never criticize someone simply because they are more successful than you.
Learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes
When you feel jealous of another person, try to put yourself in their place. Think about how his day goes, what time he wakes up, what he does in the morning, how he works, what he does in the evening. This simple mental exercise will help you not only get rid of envy, but also reconsider your own priorities.
Accept the injustice of the world
It is injustice that people most often justify their own envy. For example, you may believe that your neighbor is much less educated than you, and his job does not require special qualifications. But he earns much more and drives an expensive car.
Naturally, you have a feeling of injustice. But if he gets good money, it means he really earns it, because today no one gets money for nothing. Surely he does something that you cannot, despite the level of education (for example, gets up at 5 in the morning and works seven days a week).
Also, do not forget that there are millions of people in the world who are truly limited in their capabilities and cannot even receive the benefits that you have. The world is really harsh and not particularly fair. But you don’t need to look for injustice in everything aimed at you personally. You have the power to do something right now to improve your own life - and this is what you should think about first when you see the success of others.
Think about the real value of the object of envy
Very often we envy without thinking about the real value of the object of envy. Perhaps, looking at an expensive car or a luxury yacht, you think that their owner is immensely happy. But for him all this is commonplace, and in everyday life he is no happier than you. And if tomorrow you can buy the same car, you will enjoy it for literally a few days, and then you yourself will get used to it.
There are no such material values that one should envy. Not a single thing can make a person happy. Of course, if you have enough money, it is much easier to succeed. But money is not the source of happiness, but the opportunity to do exactly what you want at any moment. And if this statement seems controversial to you, just remember your own childhood. Did you really need money to be happy back then?
