The influence of the immediate environment is extremely significant for any person.
We wrote earlier that our personality is partly shaped by friends, relatives, close acquaintances, and work colleagues. Everyone would like to have a good rear, but it often happens that the influence of the environment on a person can be negative and even destructive. Often, friends and comrades not only do not bring us joy and satisfaction from communication, but also simply hinder our development. This does not happen to everyone and not always - there is a friendship that has been tested over the years, when your friend is even more than a relative, he is practically a part of you. But this does not always happen, unfortunately.
How much does the environment influence a person?
Let's illustrate with an example. To prevent tomatoes from spoiling during storage, it is important to monitor their condition and promptly throw away those that have already begun to rot. The same rule is true for growing tomatoes in the garden: diseased, affected fruits must be removed so that they do not spoil the rest. Similarly, the environment influences a person. If there are sick, poisoned, rotten people in your social circle, then soon you will become like that.
Here's another example. Gardeners recommend planting carrots in the same bed with onions, because these crops live in symbiosis: carrots repel the onion fly, and onions repel the carrot fly. That is, vegetables help each other grow, protecting each other from parasites. Likewise, a positive, healthy environment contributes to the development and formation of personality, advancement of a person along the career ladder and life in general.
Important! If a person is surrounded by enthusiastic, active and positive people, then his self-confidence grows. He also becomes active and positive. If a person is surrounded by people who are capable of love, then he becomes like that, even if he was once traumatized.
Change your environment or your friends
Many people who are interested in how to change their environment try to change their friends, and this fact is quite understandable, since it is much easier to make an effort, trying to achieve any success from strangers, rather than parting with the past forever.
Such aspirations instantly fail. The thing is that your friends have their own opinion on everything, as a result of which it is impossible to change them without their desire.
Perhaps you will influence someone, but this will be an exception to the rule. So if you want to change your life, start with your environment.
Disadvantages of unnecessary communication
Unnecessary communication drains, takes away time, physical and psychological strength. But a person could spend these resources on unlocking his potential, developing in his profession, growing in life, and searching for his soul mate.
And unnecessary communication also returns to old patterns of behavior. Why does drug rehabilitation involve complete isolation of a person from his old life and immersion in a new group of people with similar problems and common goals, as well as those who are ready to support and help them? Because you cannot change while remaining in the same conditions, since each problem has its own system and it needs to be changed on all fronts.
Thus, the disadvantages of unnecessary communication include:
- a drop in a person’s self-esteem and confidence;
- fatigue and decreased performance;
- stagnation of development or degradation;
- psychological and psychosomatic problems;
- irritability and a pessimistic vision of the world.
Does not work
Are you tired of numerous trials and attempts to make adjustments to your life? Are all your aspirations and undertakings doomed to failure? Are you tired of this life?
Then there is only one way out - start it from scratch. To do this, you need to quit your old job and move to live in another city, in a place where no one knows you, where you have never been before, but you like it in absentia.
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Having decided to take such a drastic action, you will begin to live from scratch, surrounding yourself with the people you need, at your discretion, get a new job that you have dreamed of for so long, and gradually begin to establish life in a new environment and society, without making old mistakes.
Having moved to a new city, you should not fall into depression and apathy towards everything new. Take it for granted, learn to enjoy your surroundings, don’t sit at home, try to walk as much as possible, make new friends, engage in your hobbies and self-development.
How to understand when you need to change your social circle
Most often, people think about changing their social circle when they realize that they are unhappy. Or when they fail to achieve success in life.
How to understand if your current environment is hindering your success:
- Make a complete list of people around you. We talked more about circle levels in another article on this topic.
- Analyze each person using three questions. Is this person happy with his life? What is this person's income level? Can this person help me in word or deed?
- Compare the answers with your goals. For example, now your friend does not have a stable income, and he is not satisfied with this state of affairs, but he is ready to change with you. You can keep this person in your circle. If the first two conditions persist, but the person does not want to change anything and prefers to just cry, then it is better to say goodbye to him.
When compiling an analysis, you can put neutral characteristics, that is, answer not only “yes” or “no,” but also “I don’t know.” And then feel free to exclude the characters that are negative for you and leave the positive ones. With neutrals, do as you please; you can temporarily take them “on a pencil”.
Note! If at least once the thought flashed through your mind: “I’m wasting my time on this person,” then it is so. If you feel boredom, tension, awkward silence in a relationship with someone, a reluctance to communicate with this person, then give up any “shoulds” and free yourself.
Why is it difficult to part with old friends?
We become attached to the people who surround us. Having lost one of them for a certain period, we begin to experience a feeling of loss. It’s just that our usual life “runs away” and that’s when it’s necessary to introduce a replacement into it.
After all, until this part of life is filled with other content, we will feel as if out of place.
Please note that any changes will cause discomfort. They need to be overcome and driven away, because this is the only way to adapt to new conditions and situations that will change fate for the better.
How to change your social circle
First of all, decide on your goals for life and the goal of changing your social circle. Create a clear image of the people you want to find. And only then proceed to the “revolution”.
How to change your social circle from lower to higher at 30 years old or any other age (most often adults come with this request):
- Learn to say no. If you define personal boundaries and learn to defend them, then over time some people will disappear from your life on their own. Let's say you don't want to spend any more money on parties and cafes. If you refuse to invite friends 10 times, you won’t be invited the 11th time. This is figurative, of course, but that’s how it works. It is especially important to learn to refuse those who take advantage of you: they borrow money and do not give it back, they complain about life but do not want to listen to you, etc.
- Get rid of shame. If you have come to the conclusion that you have outgrown some hobbies and are now interested in something else, then boldly and calmly tell your friends about it. Just say, “I have other plans” or “I’m no longer interested.” Most likely, the same rule will work here as with refusals: repeat several times, and then people will disappear on their own.
- Find an outlet. By understanding yourself and abandoning old acquaintances, you will temporarily find yourself in a vacuum, because finding new people also takes time. Think about what you would be interested in doing. This same hobby can then be used as a bridge when finding new friends. An alternative option is to start learning a new profession.
- Make new acquaintances. The best option to start is the Internet. Join interest groups (have you already decided on a hobby or a new profession?), and gradually move into the real world.
Do successful people need to communicate with you?
Successful people are interested in new contacts and are open to new acquaintances. By default, they are friendly towards everyone who begins to communicate with them. However, you must immediately demonstrate your value to a successful person. You must interest him in something.
For example, a young musician is looking for a producer. And he will be able to find it if he actively writes to producers and briefly but vividly describes his talents, prospects, and opportunities. In this case, it is talent and perspective that can become that very clue.
Where to find the right people
To change your social circle, a person must attend events where you can meet people with similar interests.
Read further: How to find friends in life, games and social networks (advice from a psychologist)
For example, he wants to become an entrepreneur, so he needs to go to various city events and participate in meetings. If a person dreams of a successful career as an athlete, then it is worth spending more time in sports clubs.
The Internet opens up many opportunities. In it you can find many seminars and trainings where successful people correspond. They share experiences and make new acquaintances. You just need to set aside time to communicate with them.
Recommendations for changing your social circle from a psychologist
A few more recommendations from psychology on how to completely change your social circle and make friends with successful people:
- Read self-help books and discuss them with other people.
- Join clubs and interest groups. Meet those who can support, motivate and inspire.
- Follow the lives of successful people and delve into their advice, try to understand their thoughts. Look for information in autobiographies and books of great people, blogs, articles about these people.
In addition, if you are good at something, then create your own blog and share useful information with the whole world. Then new, interesting, useful people and like-minded people will find you on their own. Don't forget to include your contacts and give feedback.
Cons of unnecessary friendship
The influence of the environment on a person is stronger when the interaction of people is built not on mutual assistance, respect and understanding, but on base needs. Thus, there may also be ill-wishers (conscious or not) in your social circle. Those who keep you in one place with all their might, preventing you from moving forward. There are many negative sides to communicating with useless, spiritually alien people. Among them are:
Low self-esteem.
If a person has a tendency to underestimate himself, it is noticeably enhanced by the influence of public opinion. It happens that acquaintances assert themselves, directly pointing out your shortcomings and mistakes. It doesn’t matter what motivates them: envy, hidden anger and a sense of inferiority. It is imperative to exclude such people from your life.
Sometimes the circle of people who influence the decline in your self-esteem includes close people or those with whom you inevitably have to interact on a daily basis: friends, parents, management. If you cannot protect yourself from such communication, you need to cultivate firmness in yourself, in advance, before communicating with them, prepare yourself for dialogue, if possible, think through what to say. But do it with the most confident attitude possible.
No forward movement.
Sometimes friendships simply outgrow themselves. Over time, your school friends may simply become uninteresting to you. This is normal, since each of you has chosen a new direction in life, changed the city, got married. For example, your friend devoted himself to his family and had children. You have focused your energies entirely on advancing in your career. We met, but there was nothing to talk about. Do not force yourself with obligations to him and regular communication if it does not bring pleasure or benefit to any of you.
Poor psychological state.
Sometimes the influence of the immediate environment can lead to neurosis. If your friends regularly complain to you, discuss acquaintances, ask for something, creating an unpleasant atmosphere of communication for you and burdening you with their problems, it is imperative to protect yourself from them, at least for a while. It is better to do this after a personal conversation. If after it a new portion of negativity spills out on you, and the person does not plan to change, keep communication to a minimum.
Negative worldview.
Even for a self-sufficient person, the immediate environment plays a significant role in life. If your social circle consists of losers, those who abuse alcohol, slackers and “wasters of life”, then you should not expect that you will get very far by communicating with them on the same wavelength. You may not become exactly the same as your alcoholic friend, but you certainly won’t benefit from such a relationship.
July 20, 2017
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Maria Tochilina I convey the idea of allowing yourself a lot and living without problems. I practice a healthy lifestyle without violence against myself. I know for sure that after 40 life is just beginning!
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Our environment shapes our world. How do you feel about this statement? Do you allow yourself to choose your surroundings? Or how did it happen, did it happen?
Remember the saying: “Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are”? But do you recognize this statement: “It is not the consciousness of people that determines their existence, but, on the contrary, their social existence determines their consciousness”?
It's very simple: we surround ourselves with people like ourselves, and who we are next to determines what we will be like. Let's see how this is implemented in practice.
I have a friend, let's call her Natasha. And she has a friend, let’s call her Sveta. Natasha has been complaining about Sveta for a long time:
“Svetka constantly whines that everything is bad, but she does nothing. If something breaks at home, she calls me and asks my husband to fix it. There is no one to help her..."
or “Imagine, you recently celebrated my birthday with the girls in a cafe. Sveta was there too. There was an emergency at my home, I was forced to leave urgently, and she took away all the flowers and dishes that remained untouched. I just folded everything up and took it for myself!”
or like this: “Svetka calls me every evening to complain about how unhappy she is. I calm her down for an hour. I already have a catastrophic lack of time, and here she is!”
To my questions: “Why did you invite her to her birthday?” or “Why are you talking to her for an hour?”, Natasha replies: “Well, she’s a friend!” After this answer comes my favorite question:
- Eeeee?
- Well, she and I went through so much in our youth. I have to support her! - follows the answer.
By the way, in her life there is more than one such “unhappy and helpless” friend: there is a whole circle of people whose problems she constantly tries to solve, because “she has to,” as she herself says.
To whom should I? And most importantly, why? It would be fine if she liked it all. There are people who like to be a “vest” for others, a rescuer of those who constantly sit in a puddle of failures and misfortunes. But here is another case - Natasha admits that she is “deadly tired of all this.” “Deadly,” can you imagine? Our words are not empty words. Natalya herself says that she really wants “everything to be different,” but she doesn’t know how to do it.
Relationships, even close ones, can one day become a burden. And then those “must”, “must”, “should” arise because this is “my friend”, “our family” and “it’s inconvenient”. This is already sad. Because such relationships do not fill with energy and over time lead to moral (and sometimes material and physical) exhaustion. But this is real lack of freedom. And the one in whose life there is such a relationship is a very unhappy person. A person who forbids himself the most important thing in this life - self-love.
Our environment shapes our world... It's not just about emotional states and mood - it's also about income! Have you heard this theory: your personal income is equal to the average income of your immediate circle? How many times have I been convinced that it really is so! Don't believe me? Try it, count for yourself. Why is that? It’s all because: being determines consciousness.
Once upon a time, I shared with a friend a dream that at that time was just beginning to come true. I told him that I am now engaged in training: I develop and conduct real training for sellers. Do you know what his reaction was?
"You? Business trainer? Come on! Where do you want to become a coach? This was said completely without malice. Just without faith in me. What did I do then? I never spoke to him about this topic again. And as a result, on other topics, because, one way or another, the scope of my interests changed, I was no longer interested in hanging out in nightclubs, for example. Gradually he left my life. Interests diverge, and this is absolutely normal.
“Friends are forever! Or are they not friends? Have you heard similar expressions? Why exactly? What is the fatal seal of beliefs? What if, however, interests diverged? What if everyone has already taken everything they can from the relationship?
Any person we meet on the path of life is a teacher. Well-known expression, right? They say that when you take the “lessons” you need, a person can leave your life. Or... must leave.
Do you remember the story about Natasha? She already understands perfectly well that she wants it differently, but she doesn’t know how. About six years ago there was a similar “point” in my life: I really wanted to change my life, but I didn’t understand how to do it.
- You run in circles and do the same actions. At the same time, you want to get a new result. This is impossible! - one wise man told me then. He really helped me understand, understand and decide on important changes, which resulted in my life today.
I want to share with you one instrument that he gave me then. The technique is called "Four Gains". You need to “distribute” all the people who make up your environment into several conditional circles, relative to yourself. The further a person is from you, the further into the circle you place him. What do we mean by literal, physical range? For example, if you live with your parents in different cities, rarely see each other and sometimes call each other, then... yes, they fall into the outer circle. But if, for example, living in different cities or even countries, you and your friend call each other several times every day, and also constantly communicate on the Internet - this is the circle that is closest to you.
Let’s talk about why all this is needed and what the end result will be a little later. Still, this is a projective thing. And for the purity of the experiment (read: so as not to lie to yourself), you need to do it first, and only then - the “key”.
Interesting? Then grab a pen and paper... let's go!
"Four Benefits"
Place a dot in the center of the sheet. This is "I" (that is, you)
Draw several circles around I, like a target. How many? Well, let's take four for example. If you need more, add more. Draw the target on the entire sheet to make it more convenient.
Now remember all the people who surround you in life. No, no need for passers-by. You also don’t have to write to your neighbors (if you don’t communicate with them). You need those who are part of your world: family, friends, work colleagues, acquaintances. Those with whom you communicate more or less often.
When you remember, place them like dots in those same target circles. The principle of distance is described above (using the example of parents and a foreign friend). If you quarrel with your neighbor in the country every day, then she is also part of your circles. Moreover, to those closest to you. Do you understand why?
Be sure to sign and mark the dots: Vasya, Petya, Marvanna... So that later you don’t forget who is who and who is where.
Let me remind you once again: people who are not closest to you can easily end up in your inner circle. It may be just the opposite. You are now distributing everything AS IS, and not as you would like or as is commonly believed.
Distributed? Have you forgotten anyone? Well, now - the “key”.
Why, exactly, is this thing called “four benefits”? What benefits are we talking about? About material, informational, physical and emotional. These are the kinds or types of benefits we receive (or do not receive) from people. The principle is this: the more benefits we receive from a person, the more valuable that person is to us. Yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like in this language. Valuable person. And just for you. How valuable he is to others, to society, the country and the Universe is not important at all.
What do these benefits mean? Let's give some examples:
1. Material: you somehow receive exactly this from a person - material benefit, and in different forms.
Money is the first thing that comes to mind. But not only them: for example, your sister periodically gives you things for a small child. Or, a friend living in another city kindly gives you a room every time you come there. And your colleague treats you to coffee or lunch almost every day. You don’t have to spend money on a taxi, because your neighbor gives you a ride to work every morning (or to the country on weekends). This is all about her, about material gain. Not all examples, but I think the essence is clear.
2. Informational is to obtain you any valuable information. Attention: valuable to you at the moment!
For example, there is a person in your circle who always tells you amazing facts about the subject of your hobby (for example, music, or hitchhiking). Or there is a colleague from whom you can always learn current trends in marketing, because he reads a lot of primary sources in English. Or a teacher who gives you the knowledge you need. This can also be an information benefit.
3. Physical.
Everything is simple here. Or is it difficult? In general, this is the very benefit when you are incredibly pleased to be with a person, simply because he exists. Touching, hugging and all that stuff. And yes, there is sex here too. But physical benefits are not just about men. A child, a mother, a good friend with whom it is pleasant to hold hands. Everyone is here. And here it’s about physics, because emotionality (which can be a consequence of physics) is something else.
4. Emotional
You enjoy being in this person's company. When you meet, you feel joy. Or calm, peace. Next to my husband I feel very calm and at ease - this is about it. When I meet my teacher, I feel the joy of communicating with him - that’s also about it. It's always fun with a friend - go there too. You can complain to a friend “in your vest” and not be ashamed of your “snot” - and that’s it too.
So, we've pumped ourselves up with examples, let's move on:
Let's put these benefits into numbers. Once again: these are not priorities! If something is very confusing, mark it with letters. Let us have No. 1 - material benefit, No. 2 - physical. Well, continue as in the examples.
Now again in circles, where you already have Vasya, Masha, grandmothers, children distributed: for each person, in each circle, determine what types of benefits the person gives you. There is no need to tell him this. In general, you don’t need to tell anyone anything. And you don’t need to lie to yourself either - honestly and impartially: who and what? And put the corresponding number next to the person. Or two. Or all four. You do this with every comrade who falls into your circles.
Now - pa-ba-ba-dam! - the culmination of the action. There are conclusions. In general, there are two conclusions here:
The more numbers a person collects (in other words, he gives you personal benefits), the closer he should be to you.
Although the person herself, of course, owes nothing to anyone. It will just be better for you, in all respects, if this person is closer to you. How to do it? This is another question to which there is no single correct answer. Perhaps call more often, rather than occasionally, if the person is far away. Perhaps - stop postponing your trip to visit. Perhaps even stop sulking, or wait for him (her) to initiate a call if for some reason you are now in a quarrel. Each situation is unique and so is the solution. And only you can decide what to do with your life and your environment.
By the way, if you spend a lot of time on social networks (for example, on Facebook), then this social network is also your environment. Moreover, your entire feed: what is it about? What is it about? Whose remarks, posts, pictures are there the most? How do they affect you: do they make you happy (after reading, you seem to be fueled by energy, or receive useful information) or irritate (constant violence, war and political squabbles, for example). Analyze this “friend” at your leisure. And if you are not happy with something in your feed, change it. This is also within your power.
The less benefits you get from communicating with a person, the more questions you should ask yourself.
What questions? Different. Am I satisfied with everything in this “picture”? - may be the first. If the answer is a resounding “Yes,” then wonderful. I mean, it’s not a fact that everything is perfect there. But if you are happy with everything now, then so be it. Do I want to change anything in this picture? - you can ask such a verification question even after “yes”.
Remember, in the film “Peculiarities of the National Hunt” there was such a dialogue:
- Semyonov, would you like some vodka?
- No!
- Will you?
- Yes!
And it’s not funny at all when a person says (after looking at his picture with “circles”) something like this: “Yes. Yes, in principle, everything is fine, everything suits me!” But to the question: “Would you like to change anything?” answers: “Actually, yes.”
What other questions might there be? For example, like this:
• What is the value of this relationship to me?
• Am I ready to turn a blind eye to what I lack in this relationship in order to continue to receive the existing benefits? (for example, if the only benefit you receive from a person is material).
• Why do I need this relationship? - also a strong question, which sometimes sobers up like a cold shower.
Is this how it happens? - a lady once asked me, who, having analyzed the circles, did not assign a single value to a single person in the person closest to her. Anything can happen. But to make it easier to navigate, here are a few examples.
How it happens
So, when you analyze your environment using the “Four Benefits” tool, it happens that:
• There is not a single person around you to whom you would give all four numbers. This is not uncommon. And this is definitely not a nightmare. If such people exist, then you are very lucky. Take care of these relationships, work with them.
• There is a person in your environment (several, many, almost all) who has only one number. Not uncommon at all. Then definitely ask yourself different questions about this relationship. For example, those given above.
• Two or three different benefits in each relationship. Actually the most common case. All the same - questions. No one else will give the answers to them except you.
• Internal resistance turns on. It manifests itself in different ways. From “What a moronic test?!”, to “Nothing can be changed anyway.” Typical reaction. Most often it means that we don’t want to admit something in our picture of the world, much less change something.
What to do in all these cases is up to you to decide. Once on the Internet I came across a text entitled “Who is the odd one out in your circle?” The author (MishaMironov) wrote: “What happens to you in life is almost completely programmed by your environment, and the most effective (and maybe the only) way to change something in life is to reform your environment.” And again: “The environment creates information, value and emotional food, which my mind processes into views, goals and decisions.” I agree with him 100%.
Allowing ourselves to choose who to be with and who to be near us is a very important permission in life. Because then life becomes different. It can be difficult - I’ve been through it myself, I know it first hand. But we ourselves are responsible for what our world is like. And let your world, your environment be very beneficial: appreciate the warmth of touch, the joy of meetings, the value of communication and the selflessness of help. And give all this to your truly close people.
PS If you have any questions when working with this tool, write in the comments. The more precisely the question is asked, the more accurate the answer will be. Shall we talk?
Self-development #Tools #networking #Relationships
Features of the term
To begin with, it is necessary to correctly define the concept of “attraction”. In reality, there is nothing supernatural in this process. Many people believe that they can attract certain events and people into their lives through thinking. However, in this case we are talking about the fact that a negatively inclined person reads certain signals in the behavior of another and begins to take advantage of it. On the other hand, everyone probably knows a person who will never be pestered by beggars or whom a saleswoman in a store will not be rude to. It is enough to look into the face of this person, and any desire to annoy him in any way will disappear. Or perhaps you yourself are such a person.
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An example from life: women's misfortune
So often problems from the past influence our current behavior. In this case, we can consider a classic example: a woman who constantly encounters only unworthy men on her life’s path. It would seem that she will only part with one alcoholic or a lazy person, and after a while she will meet exactly the same person with minor variations in characterological qualities.
What is the reason? Of course, this lady does not carry a special “magnet” in her pocket with which she attracts unworthy people. It’s just that in her first relationship she didn’t realize the lessons that were destined for her. This did not happen in subsequent love affairs. That's why she constantly comes across men of the same level.
A reasonable question arises here: the woman is already unhappy, what other lessons does she need to learn? This is the main problem. She is unhappy because she carries the baggage of negative emotional experience. Others read this without words and take advantage of the fact that there is a similar person nearby who can be manipulated. It is unlikely that an alcoholic or a lazy person will choose a bitchy lady as his target. She will not indulge his weaknesses, even if she suddenly gets involved in such a relationship. Although this happens extremely rarely, and even if a confident woman inadvertently gets involved with such a man, she will quickly end the story that has not yet begun.
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Poorly defined personal boundaries
This happens when a person from childhood is not accustomed to loving himself and treating with respect both his own personality and, in fact, those around him. If in childhood he was not given enough love and attention, then he grows up without a clear understanding of where his personality ends and the personality of another begins. Such a person will constantly demand confirmation of his own importance from others, but will never gain true self-respect. And of course, energy vampires of all stripes will take full advantage of this. If a person cannot defend himself, the unconsciously negative interlocutor senses this.
What to do in this case and how to prevent yourself from being consumed by an energy vampire? First, of course, you need to work on building your own personal boundaries. You need to understand what exactly you can do for your own well-being, and what is completely beyond your control. You should also learn to separate your own territory from the territory of other people. It is necessary to show respect for others - but it should not be endless. If these people begin to openly break into your boundaries, violating them, you need to fight back.
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How to analyze your immediate environment?
Surround yourself only with those people who will pull you higher. It’s just that life is already full of those who want to pull you down.
- George Clooney
So, we have already found out that environmental influences play a big role in a person’s life. Therefore, the next logical step would be a deep analysis of your immediate environment. This is done for two purposes: to identify who is dragging you down and to understand who you need to reach a higher level of your development. To do this, you will need a sheet of paper, a pen and half an hour of free time. On the left you write a list of 30 people with whom you constantly communicate. Who could it be?
You yourself.
Parents and relatives.
Second half and children.
Friends and acquaintances.
Business partners and clients.
Further on the right you make 3 columns with the main parameters by which you will evaluate your environment.
— thinking and level of life satisfaction;
- income level;
— is there anything I can do to help you (Exercise “Wheel of Life”).
In each column opposite the first and last name you put either +, or 0, or -
As a result of the analysis, 3 types of immediate environment should be obtained:
— positive (+);
— neutral ( 0 );
— negative ( — );
Let's start with the bad. It may turn out that 90% of your environment has a negative impact on you. Yes, this happens. And there's nothing you can do about it. You just need to realize this and accept that all these people simply have a detrimental influence on you, lower your self-esteem, undermine your self-confidence and interfere with self-development in all areas of your life.
I personally would rather eat alone than listen to yet another story from my parents about how bad life is for us in Russia. I’d rather say “no” to my friends’ proposal to go out for drinks on another Friday night. And I will not communicate with friends who only want to humiliate me or the other interlocutor in conversations. In this matter, it is better to be firm than to always be polite.
There is only one way out - to change your environment. The problems here are the following. You won't change yourself for sure. Therefore, here you just have to work on your development so that you have the most positive thinking possible. Parents and relatives are not chosen. Which ones there are. But they are the ones who can drag you down. This is a problem for many. You must first try to explain where they can negatively influence you. If this does not help, then minimize communication with them. The best option is to move to another city.
A very important point is the choice of the soulmate with whom we spend most of our lives. It is necessary to look at 2 parameters: the same worldview and speed of development. If at least one of them is not fulfilled, then sooner or later you will break up. It's easiest with friends and acquaintances. Among them there should only be those who share your life values. Business partners and clients, although they do not play a primary role in your immediate circle, can still gradually drag you to the bottom. Pay attention to this too!
You can do whatever you want with a neutral environment. But you need to focus on improving the positive environment. There are several ways to do this.
Ban on happiness
To some extent, life satisfaction is a personal choice. This is not to say that depression will disappear immediately when you decide to become happy. However, it is necessary to work on this.
Often negative people are attracted to their own kind. So, in order not to be like them and not to attract this kind of person into your life, it is worth reconfiguring your focus on pleasant things. To do this, you can, for example, keep a diary of positive events. Or try to arrange one pleasant event for yourself every day.
Negative people are distinguished by the fact that they do not want to work on themselves. But you shouldn’t let them profit from their own energy. In order not to attract them into your life, you should increase your self-esteem, confidence, and learn to be happy.
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