How to get rid of resentment, cope, forgive and let go

“Oh, that’s it, I’m not talking to you” is a typical female reaction to an offensive word or deed of a partner.

Starve him out, let him suffer, realize he was wrong and crawl on his knees to make peace.

What if he doesn’t come? If one fine day he gets tired of playing the silent game, and a crack appears in the foundation of your relationship. After all, saying “Sorry, I was wrong” can be incredibly difficult.

Why are claims and grievances so destructive? How to protect relationships from them, restore harmony and trust?

Who is this article for?

For women who know the feeling of being offended, underestimated, misunderstood. If any quarrel turns into an exchange of claims and reproaches, you no longer understand each other, love and trust are gradually leaving the relationship - read this article urgently.

From this material you will learn:

Where do grievances and complaints come from?
The main mistakes of women.
How do grudges affect relationships?
Who should change: the offender or the offended?
How to get rid of grievances?
What should I do if I can’t stop being offended?

How to behave correctly during an insult

To manipulate correctly, you need to conduct a competent dialogue. Hints, gestures and facial expressions are useful for flirting, but not for expressing clear demands on your partner. A man’s status greatly influences his line of behavior—you need to be offended by your lover and your husband in different ways.

If it's the husband

An officially registered marriage sometimes gives a woman a free hand, turning her into a touchy and arrogant person. This should not be allowed, but you need to agree with your husband on regulating the relationship:

Start with yourself. Consider the situation from your partner's perspective and determine how obvious the reasons were. It seems that everything is clear, but it is more difficult for a man to recognize the reasons for the offense, since he only perceives direct text.
Think through your speech. The main thing is to show that the wife is able to respect her husband. If you do not take this into account, then you will have to apologize for your rash words. Everyday life and a common home, fatigue and routine can have a negative impact, but insults should not be allowed.
Talk about feelings. The wife is perceived by the husband as a familiar object, romantic feelings for whom are left behind. Remind me that this is wrong. Tell your spouse that the resentment arose because of your indifference towards him.
Learn to start a dialogue. A married man loses the desire to speak first. If he sees that his wife is unhappy with something, he will not be interested in the reasons for her bad mood, so he will have to act on his own.

Not every man knows how to apologize. The wife should know such disadvantages of her husband’s character and not hope for changes for the better. Even small gestures that hint at repentance should be accepted with gratitude.

The situation when a girl is offended by her boyfriend is normal, especially if she is young. Since she has not yet gained experience in interpersonal communication, the following behavior model is allowed:

A demonstration of feelings when another gesture shown towards the chosen one is perceived negatively by her. This period does not last long, especially if the couple started dating recently. Usually the young man quickly realizes that he has done something wrong.
Posturing. A time when a young man diligently tries to find out the reasons for such behavior, but receives an arrogant look. At the age of 20-22 years, such a reaction is predictable and normal.

Talk. A dialogue in a couple must take place; the girl usually begins it in response to another attempt to reconcile. She carefully explains what she feels and why she had this reaction. Usually the reason is frivolous, based on personal fears and excess of feelings.
Reconciliation. As a pleasant surprise, the young man can organize a date by choosing a place that is significant for both.

In couples who have not moved on to cohabitation, many things can offend, especially at the grinding-in stage. You can be offended by a nice guy for forgetting to write or congratulate him on his anniversary, as this is perceived as a loss of interest in the girl. The absence of an SMS about coming home can be offensive, as it instills fear of betrayal.

If it's a lover

The lover perceives his partner as a temporary outlet that allows him to get the emotions that he lacks in marriage. Relationships are often started out of boredom and are perceived as something easy and not requiring constant attention. If the mistress has a desire to show dissatisfaction, but separation is not included in the plans, resentment is demonstrated as follows:

A hint of dissatisfaction that looks like part of flirting. The classic gestures of this stage will be pouting lips and a slightly wrinkled forehead. Show your partner that you are not ready to smile in such a serious situation. Slight distance. Refer to illness or busyness by canceling the meeting

It is important that the man begins to get bored. Make them call and worry

You need to organize everything in a game format so that it brings ease, but makes it clear that the woman is dissatisfied. The long-awaited meeting and conversation. After a long silence, the man finally receives consent to the meeting. In it, the girl shows that she continues to be angry. Under the pressure of a captivating gaze, the lover admits that the blame lies entirely with him, after which the couple makes peace.

Why are women offended?

Many women, due to low self-esteem, perceive men’s behavior too painfully, even if there is nothing offensive in their actions. Such women do not understand for what merit a man is next to them. They are always in an anxious state and expect that the man will sooner or later come to his senses and leave them. In this state, a woman perceives a man’s actions not as they really are.

Often women are offended by a man because he did not notice a new dress or hairstyle. Perhaps he was very tired or not very attentive by nature, and the woman was offended, thinking that he was indifferent to her and was not paying attention to her.

An old joke on topic. “The wife, noticing that her husband was not paying attention to her, began to often change her hairstyles and outfits - nothing helped. The husband simply doesn't notice anything. One evening she met him wearing a gas mask. Didn't notice. Then she asked: “Do you notice anything new in me?” The husband, peering painfully at her: “Did she pluck her eyebrows, or what?”

In this case, the offense is contrived by the woman herself and lies not in the man’s behavior, but in the woman’s touchiness.

How to stop being offended

If a person is very touchy and “sulks” over trifles, it is unlikely that he will be able to stop being offended just like that. First of all, this is a lot of work. But the main thing that needs to be understood is that everything is in our hands! We have instilled this feeling in ourselves - we have to get it out of there. It will resist and resort to tricks. We must work until the bitter end.

The first thing to do is to honestly recognize the problem. Recognize that you have reacted incorrectly to certain life events. See the tendency to be overly touchy. Trace the response feelings to unpleasant actions and words of people. Perhaps some pattern will emerge. What bothers us? Rudeness, unfulfilled desires?

Always, in all areas, work on developing adequate mature self-esteem. Read, go to the theater, to exhibitions, play sports. Gain unusual skills, travel

Protect your receptive nature, shift your attention

Learn to clearly describe your desires. Don't hide, avoid understatement. Listen to others, delve into their problems, try to understand and help. Forgive your offenders, eradicate self-pity by all means.

How can you not be offended by people, friends, loved ones, parents? Try the following methods.

On other people

Abstract yourself from the situation. Look at it from the outside, as if it doesn’t concern you at all. The conflict is separate, you are separate - everyone has their own path.
Imagine how you will feel about current disagreements as time passes. Will they be relevant to you? Most likely no. Then why waste precious health on them?
Take criticism constructively. Use it to improve your results, nothing more. Don't get too personal. If you did something wrong from the point of view of the critic, it is your right to agree or not. Make your choice, stay calm.

On friends

Imagine your friend as a small child. You know him so well, it won't be difficult. Are children offended? Put yourself in your friend's shoes. What is he experiencing, does he want to offend you? Remember his positive qualities, show sympathy. Everyone has the right to make mistakes. Hear what they want to tell you. Don't cling to individual harsh words. Tune in to the meaning of statements

This is how they can attract your attention and ask for help.

For a loved one

Talk to your loved one. Tell him directly about your dissatisfaction. Listen to his arguments, find a compromise. Agree on a “red line” that none of you should cross.
Accept your lover for who he is. People do not change. Quarrels and confrontations will not change another person, they will only poison life, making it unbearable.
Don't build castles in the air, be reasonable in your expectations. Take some of the responsibility upon yourself, make efforts to achieve results, then they will bring joy.

For parents

All parents wish their children happiness

They devote their lives to them, give them love, care, attention. Despite this, family relationships can be difficult

As children grow up, they hold grudges against their mothers and fathers. Without getting rid of the heavy burden, the child will not find happiness. His children, in turn, will not be happy either.

Understanding the importance of parents will help break the vicious circle. Accepting their mistakes, mitigating, understanding. Resentment will be replaced by gratitude, which will turn into a feeling of guilt for one’s own hard-heartedness. Sincere repentance will free the soul and fill life with colors. Call your loved ones, talk, meet.

Women's resentment

A woman’s resentment over her husband’s betrayal: how not to trip yourself up.

Women come to me for consultation every day who have caught their husbands committing long-term infidelity, or whose husband has left him for another woman, or who themselves kicked him out the door with a suitcase after learning about the presence of another woman in his life. A peculiarity of female psychology is that 90% of women, no matter how much they scandalize and swear at the moment of betrayal, no matter how much they previously swore and swore that they would immediately and forever break off relations with their husband if they suddenly found out about his infidelity , after some time, wives begin to be very afraid of being left alone and strive to save their marriage, to bring back their cheating and departed husbands.

This female panic about possible future loneliness can be covered up by anything: housing or financial dependence on a man, the interests of a child (children), strong love, habit, sexual compatibility, a fundamental reluctance to give a successful husband to another woman, etc. But, no matter what it is covered with, it usually hides the primitive unconscious fear of being left alone in the forest, genetically inherent in women, alone with predators. It works and will work even in the heads of financially very rich women from the elite of society, with high social status, apartments, cars and savings, support from wealthy parents, etc. At the same time, a woman may realize that her husband who has cheated or left is dangerous for their child and herself, that he is an alcoholic, drug addict, gambling addict, bandit, sadist, parasite, etc., but will still grab him with both hands.

Only very intelligent, strong and principled women, or those who themselves have relationships with other, alternative men, or who have already faced severe violence from their husbands against themselves or their children, can stop their unreasonable primitive fear. But, as I said, only 10% of 100% of women are like that.

If it suddenly seems to you that Andrei Zberovsky is against wives accepting back their husbands who have left and cheated, then this is absolutely not the case. As a psychologist, I absolutely unequivocally advocate for the restoration and strengthening of families and for ensuring that husbands and wives do not make those mistakes that cause cooling, betrayal and departures in families. But I also oppose two extremes in the process of returning husbands and reconciling in the family. Extreme number 1 is when women take back cheating husbands without any disciplinary measures against them, without discussing the situation, without developing a clear plan to improve family life. After which, of course, nothing improves and after some time everything repeats itself. And I talk and write about this a lot in my books and articles.

Now I want to speak out against female extreme number 2 - the so-called female resentment. This is when, having admitted some mistakes on her part, improved her behavior and achieved improvement in behavior on the part of her husband, a couple of weeks or months after reconciliation, having achieved her goal and seeing the situation stabilize, a woman suddenly mentally (and sometimes in reality) puts her hands up sideways and begins to wind himself up and wind up according to approximately the following pattern (I quote typical phrases): “This bastard cheated on me, slept with another woman, was ready to leave me, and now I have to try in front of him and please him?! Yes, maybe I myself am to blame for something! Yes, maybe I was too scandalous or didn’t devote enough time to my husband, didn’t give him sex, didn’t want to share his hobbies and interests, didn’t try to find a common language with his relatives or friends! But all the same, it was he who cheated on me, not him! And now I have to try to improve? I should change my wardrobe, I should lose weight, I should have different types of sex when I don’t need it myself, I should smile at his relatives and friends who knew about his infidelity, I should feed him and give him water, I should not remind him of that pain, What have I experienced, should I control myself and still give birth to him?! And at the same time he just lives as if nothing had happened... He also goes to work, also plays with the children and goes to bed with me... But won’t he be fat?! How I really hate his bastard!!! I would have given him everything I could to let him know! All this is dishonest and unfair! He went to hell! I won’t try to please him either! Let him do what he wants to achieve my sincere warmth and joy, and I won’t try any more in front of him! My feminine pride can’t stand this!!!”

Having come to such thoughts and become embittered, not so long ago, seemingly with such difficulty and desire, the wife who returned her husband home again makes scandals for him about his past betrayal. Or he simply remains silent, or cries, or begins to sullenly avoid communication and sex. Thus, the woman either amuses her wounded feminine pride or simply goes with the flow, unable to cope with her psycho-emotional breakdown.

What does a woman get from this, what does it lead to? Having arranged a new “exemplary spanking” after family reconciliation, approximately a third of women actually receive some kind of beneficial effect for themselves. The husband either begins to apologize again and give flowers and gifts, give compliments and take him to a cafe, or for some time he does not demand anything from his wife, including not demanding cleanliness in the apartment, a delicious dinner and interesting sex. But, as a psychologist, I draw your attention to the following: And that third of men who, at the cost of their moral discomfort, strive to make amends and soften the psychological discomfort of their wives and those two-thirds of men who, in a new family situation for themselves, either do nothing or carry out a series of retaliatory scandals and demonstrations of their “fi”, they come to the same thought: “Judging by the behavior of the wife, she did not understand anything and did not forgive! It makes no sense to believe in her statements that she wants to save the family and make sure that we both feel good. Believing that she can change for the better or that she can forget all this and move on is even more pointless. She just deceived me! I shouldn’t have believed her, I shouldn’t have decided to return to my family! Both my mistress and my friends told me correctly that you can’t mend a broken cup, that she doesn’t ask and will always saw and plan me from now on. So it turns out that we will now continue to live only for the sake of the child (children), as we lived before. But then I ran away from this whole formal family, without communication, without sex and without smiles, to my mistress, where I was understood and accepted as anyone! And now I have abandoned my mistress, with whom I had such a good time, and my wife has deceived me. Eh, I’m a fool, a fool... As they prophesied for me, that’s how it all happened! Now I will be plunged face-first into my own shit for the rest of my life, for many years... Horror! It turns out that if I don’t want all this, I need to either try to restore the relationship with my mistress and still go to her. Or after some time, find a new suitable mistress, save more money, in general, better prepare to leave your wife. And yet, leave her no longer listening to her false words that she understood everything, admits her mistakes, loves me and wants to save the family. If I loved you, I could forgive and forget! And if he tears me up and freaks out, it means there is no love and our family has no future!”

What does this mean for a woman? And the fact is that even after controlling her momentary impulse, after a certain number of hours or days, coming to her senses and returning to correct constructive behavior in the family, the wife risks getting an unpleasant aftertaste. Her fly in the ointment to the ointment of “family peace and harmony” promised to her husband in the process of reconciliation can radically worsen the situation. And the husband’s lost faith in his wife can lead either to the restoration of his relationship with his former mistress, or to the emergence of a new one. Moreover, this husband will already have a strong immunity to the wife’s manipulations that helped her successfully return her husband to the family last time. And a new betrayal by her husband can lead to a departure that will be fatal and the last.

What follows from all this? There are only three things to do:

Firstly, if your husband behaved disgustingly even before discovering his infidelity and/or leaving the family, there is no point in fighting for him and returning him to the family, in principle! Drive him to the neck of the one whose life he will also ruin.

Secondly, if your husband was, after all, a completely decent husband and father, and his betrayal is partly your woman’s fault, then it is important and necessary to acknowledge it and not consider correcting your own as your own humiliation.

Admitting and correcting your mistakes is not humiliation.

But it is humiliating for your pride to take on such

obligations that you cannot fulfill.

Thirdly, if you have given yourself and your husband your word that you will strive with all your might to survive the family crisis that has occurred and to prevent the repetition of past mistakes, then your behavior in this matter should be firm and definite. Because restoring family relationships after a crisis is very similar to climbing a dangerous vertical peak by rock climbers: no matter at what stage of conquering the peak - at the beginning of the climb or just before the peak, it can happen; any of the failures can be the last.

If you are suddenly overcome by the notorious and difficult to control female resentment, say both to this resentment and to yourself the words that I always say to women during my trainings or personal consultations: “Dear women! Let's be completely honest with ourselves! You were probably well aware that your relationship with your husband was getting weaker and weaker. You moved away and became just roommates, your family was a formality, without sex and without warmth, without common plans and without mutual accountability. What would you have received if the situation with the discovery of infidelity had not arisen? You would continue to live for months and years without sex, robbing yourself emotionally and physically, undermining your women's health. Without receiving attention from your husband to yourself as a woman, you would either, equally or later, take a lover for yourself. Or they would give up on themselves and start dressing like a gray aunt. You would enjoy life less and less, smile less, making yourself depressed or suffering from psychosomatic illnesses. An earlier menopause would await you with such unpleasant consequences as possible female oncology. I hope you understand that a woman with an unhappy female biography is always minus several years of life, or even several decades. The very ones that are so necessary to be useful for your children and grandchildren... And in general, as in the famous song - “Yes, I just wanted to live!”

Let's also remember that in a fading formal family, your children would never see a happy mom and dad, or see the warmth in your communication. What would undermine their communication skills with the opposite sex would create problems for them in the future in their own relationships with the opposite sex, in their families. And here’s an oil painting: in the future, you would still have lost your husband, your woman’s story would have ended, and in the future you would have had sad experiences for the family stories of your own children, who were already adults and had failed in their own families.

Is it all beautiful? Is this the kind of prospect you would like for yourself in the future? I hope not, and again not! Therefore, I ask you to treat the betrayal of that husband, for whom it makes sense to hold on and who went with you to save the family, as a chance not only to save your marriage, but also:

- a chance for many more years and decades not to become a neglected, flabby and always dissatisfied aunt with everything;

- a chance to simply extend your life by several years or decades, to improve the very quality of this life;

- a chance to prolong your female sexual and emotional life, to receive many pleasant female joys;

— a chance to positively influence the future family life of your children and grandchildren;

- a chance to reduce the number of unpleasant news for your own elderly parents, to protect their hearts and health in general.

Let's ask ourselves honestly? Is extending your life in general, life as a woman, improving the quality of this life worth the unpleasant news and emotions that were associated with receiving information about your husband’s infidelity or leaving the family! From my point of view, of course it’s worth it!!! You have received that “magic kick” that will give you a good boost of energy in the future and breathe life into you. After all, life is a struggle. Life is a lesson, life is a study. And, as you know, for everything that we are not able to understand and assimilate ourselves, we have to pay.

But a chance, as you know, is not a payday – it’s an advance.

You can drink it away or squander it, or you can invest it profitably. That is, they need to dispose of it on time, quickly and correctly. And if you do everything exactly right, and with your competent actions you return a worthy husband to the family, you cannot sell yourself to a falsely understood primitive female resentment. In the end, think for yourself: Once upon a time, your husband’s resentment pushed him to cheat. If you are offended by your husband, betrayal again will not be far off - either your own or your husband’s new betrayal. Because there is a principle:

Equal causes usually lead to equal consequences.

Do you need it? I hope no. I’ll tell you more: if the wife decides to save the family and bring her husband back, in fact it is she who becomes the head of the family. This is true even if she herself does not want it or if her husband remains unaware of it. And now she can’t bear to be offended. After all, leadership, as we know, is responsibility. It is not proper for a leader to give in to temporary emotions. He must think for everyone, for the whole family. If your husband once couldn’t do this, now you can do it. We can do it, you will succeed!

In general, you understand: you cannot trip yourself up with impulsive and emotional actions during the period of family restoration! Remember: with proper management of the course of events, a husband’s betrayal and a family crisis may well make a previously unhappy woman completely happy. He can shake her up, delay the onset of old age and prolong her life in every sense of the word. The main thing is that a woman can show wisdom and take control of her emotions. A woman’s resentment may come, but let it come and go, just as it is. And in any case, your husband, whom you consciously decided to leave next to you, should not notice her visit. Only in this case, the restoration of the family will happen not for a day or a year, but for the rest of a long and happy life. This is what I sincerely wish for you!

If you need the help of a psychologist in overcoming a crisis in your family life, I will be happy to try to help you during a personal or remote online consultation. The consultation conditions are described on my website www.zberovski.ru. On it you can find my books and articles that may be useful for improving your life. Sign up for a consultation by phone: +79266335200.

Sincerely, psychologist, professor Andrey Zberovsky.

Why do people hurt each other?

The offender, just like the offended person, is the same person with his own weaknesses, shortcomings, problems and the right to make mistakes. Think: are you sure you’ve never offended anyone? It is 99.9% safe to say that the answer will be negative. To understand why we hurt each other, look at yourself. For what reasons might you do this? If you dig deep within yourself, you can discover amazing things. Although, it is possible that you do not even suspect that you could offend someone with a careless word or action.

In essence, resentment is unjustified expectations. Perhaps you expected one thing from a person, but he did something different. Maybe you didn't know him well enough to be shocked by his actions. Although sometimes it is very difficult to predict what even the person we have known for many years will do.

The cause of resentment can be offensive words, offensive phrases, offensive actions, and even the inaction of the offender in some situations. Sometimes insults are inflicted for one banal reason - envy. In such cases, this can well be considered a disguised compliment. There are very few who will praise for any successes and heights achieved. But there are plenty of those who will criticize, scold or ridicule. Many people, by inflicting offense, assert themselves at the expense of another person, at least slightly increasing their own importance in their eyes. The more the offended person reacts, the more satisfaction it will bring to the offender. So why succumb to his tricks and allow him to “grow” in such a vile way?

Why do girls get offended?

Your girlfriend is upset with you only because she wants to see changes in your behavior. And not because you stopped suiting her. If the second had happened, then it is unlikely that she would have been offended at all - most likely, everything would have ended in separation and her complete departure.

Another thing is what kind of changes she wants to see in you. Over the years of practice in the field of seduction, I have come to the conclusion that in the vast majority of cases, resentment appears due to a woman’s desire to “crush” a man under her.

In words, she may say that she wants to see some changes in you, but inside she wants him.

This happens because a woman’s natural female program works 24 hours a day, aimed at finding a strong male. That is why she will try to “crush” you under her and create the maximum temptation to show weakness.

And that’s why bad boys who don’t give a damn about what girls say are in great demand among girls.

The solution in the vast majority of cases is simple: you need to clearly tell her that you are not going to do what she asks.

How to deal with resentment? Looking for joy

Keep a Diary of Awareness. Every half hour, note what your condition is. Keep your thoughts clean

Is there a lot of “yours” there, genuine? Is this thought worth the fuss? Learn to relax and meditate. Write a list of “mood eaters” and try not to pay attention to what is written on this list. Write a list of mood boosters and try to stick to it. Learn to develop a positive attitude towards life. Learn to value your time. Schedule your day minute by minute

Be a busy person. Play sports. Read books 1-2 hours a day. Discuss books. It is very interesting. Ventilate your surroundings. Write a list of those people with whom you communicate and see most often. Communicate with positive-minded people more often. Start helping people around you. Appreciate every moment of life.

Joy within. Seek and you will find...

How to forgive grievances against parents

So, how to get rid of resentment towards your parents, how to forgive them for childhood grievances? Psychologists recommend adhering to the following recommendations for getting rid of trauma:

Don't judge, don't try to forgive using the method of suppression. Try to understand your parents

Why did they do this? Please note: this is not an excuse, but an explanation. Try to abandon judgments and emotions, work with dry facts. Express your grievances

You can talk directly with your parents, but the problem is that not all mothers and fathers are ready to admit their mistakes, not everyone is ready for constructive dialogue. If it is not possible to talk directly, then write a letter. Specify the addressee, pour out everything that has accumulated on paper, and destroy the letter. Or you can send it to your parents without a return address (if you don’t live with them). If you want to ask your parents a question in order to understand the motives for their actions, then you need to try to talk in person. Perhaps the parents also have grievances against their children - a conversation will put everything in its place. Don't try to change or save anyone. Often traumatized children try to cure their parents of alcoholism or help them improve their quality of life, for example, make repairs or something else. But if the parents themselves do not want this, then you will not be able to help them. Accept the fact that it is their right and choice. Not apologizing, not changing and not admitting mistakes is also their choice. Be prepared for this. Accept all your emotions and states. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to be sad, be sad. If you want to get angry and scream, get angry and scream, etc. Talk to your inner child, calm him down.

What to remember

What should be your actions if your loved one has offended you?

Understand what exactly you are offended by. Is it really the man’s fault or, as they say, “she came up with it herself, she herself was offended.”
Talk and explain the reason for your offense.
Observe his reaction and behavior. If he took into account your arguments and agrees that certain of his actions may upset you, then everything is fine. If not, and the man continues in the same spirit, then you have reason to think about breaking up with him.

A few useful things to help you

There are many good projects online that help you become better, smarter, learn to communicate, and overcome inhibitions. There are also some among them that are simply necessary for very touchy people.

In almost every article on psychology, I recommend to readers the Vikium project - it offers various courses, many free programs, tests, and simulators. Below I will briefly describe what may be useful to touchy people.

Before offering courses to your attention, I recommend these two simulators:

Emotional intelligence test - you will practice identifying types of emotions, you will be able to better understand the range of your feelings in different situations. When you are clearly aware of what you feel, you can move on to working specifically on these feelings.
The “Identification of Emotions” simulator is the same, but the format is slightly different. It is advisable to exercise on this simulator regularly. You will learn not only to understand yourself better, but also to easily recognize the feelings of other people.

Both simulators are free, go through as many times as you want.

Course "Emotional Intelligence"

Description: This course is about emotions in general, not just resentment. Teachers will teach you how to understand yourself correctly. You will learn where the roots of each emotion are, learn to compare your reactions to the world around you with the reactions of other people.

What I like about this course is that the teachers talk about the subconscious basis of every emotion. For example, what causes anger, is depression or panic attacks due to external reasons only. When you complete the training, you will learn how to properly reflect, analyze yourself, and not be led by emotions.

I think it will immediately become easier for you to communicate with your family, build relationships, and move up your career ladder. And most importantly, you will become happier and calmer.

Cost: 1,490 rub.

Find out more and sign up

Brain detoxification course

Description: Remember what was going on in your head the last time you were offended. Most likely, you have replayed the situation that caused offense several times, “listened” to the words spoken, and tried to respond somehow. These chaotic thoughts were running through your head and you couldn't stop them.

This is the case with most negative emotions. But most often - with resentment or fear. “Brain detoxification” will help you “cleanse” your head of emotional toxins, learn to concentrate on the positive, and smile. You will become stronger mentally, you will know how to “push away” stress from yourself.

The course is relatively small, including only 10 lessons. The material is only practical, no tedious theory. There are many exercises that you can use on your own in the future when someone tries to throw you off balance. Course format: reading text, video and audio materials.

Cost: 1,490 rub.

Find out more and sign up

Course "Effective Communication"

Description: I recommend it to anyone who suffers from resentment, misunderstanding, or inability to communicate. And also for those who still do not have relationships filled with happiness in their lives.

Classes last exactly one month, the curator maintains contact with each student, answers questions and comments. Additionally, webinars are held with practicing psychologists and personal development specialists.

The teacher promises to help everyone who suffers from the words and actions of others. You will know how to control your emotions, how to respond correctly to those who want to humiliate or offend you, how to build constructive communication with colleagues, bosses, friends, and children. If you want to learn how to influence people, lead them, and not just be followed, this is the place for you too.

In each block of lessons, you will first listen to a video lecture, then complete a practical task, discuss it in a webinar with the teacher and other students, and take a test. When you complete the course completely, you will receive a certificate that can be attached to your portfolio.

If within 7 days you decide not to continue your studies, the administration will return the money in full.

Cost: 1,490 rub. for the self-study rate, RUB 2,490. for a tariff with the support of a curator. I recommend the second one, don’t skimp on yourself.

Find out more and sign up

Another very interesting thing is the neural interface from Vikium. This device allows you to analyze electrical fluctuations in the brain during different emotional states: anger, resentment, joy, melancholy. The neurointerface will transfer the material to your computer, from it you will transfer it to Vikium, the site will tell you exactly what you feel, how harmful or dangerous it is for the body as a whole, what to do to replace “bad” vibrations with “good” ones.

Touchiness: pros and cons

Are there any advantages to being touchy?

Personally, I view touchiness exclusively in a negative way, but you may have a different opinion. I will share with you the opinion of experts on this matter. Among them there are supporters of the idea that touchiness can be a human advantage.

Disadvantages of feelings Advantages of touchiness The feeling of insult spoils the mood not only of the one who was offended, but also of the one who offended. It’s just that the second one may not show an obvious appearance. This is a great way to manipulate people and get what you want. Only in this case you need to know the person with whom you are communicating well. If he is smart enough or simply indifferent to you, then he will quickly see through you, and your plans will not be realized. Productivity and performance decreases for those who are offended

The desire to do something immediately disappears, attention is scattered. All energy is spent on the fact that a person experiences his offense. Very great harm is done to health

As a result of resentment, blood pressure rises, heart rate is disrupted, and appetite disappears. The offended person develops obsessive thoughts that prevent him from communicating with other people. Offended people or those who tend to be offended almost never achieve any results in their work, because by their nature they are infantile. They do not resolve the conflict, but simply sit and get offended. Negative changes occur in the psyche. A person is gnawing at the conscience that he could have acted differently, he should have apologized, but the feeling of resentment is so strong that it is not possible to do this.

As you can see, being touchy has only one advantage, and that, in my opinion, is quite dubious. Because there are other ways to achieve what you want - why take such a burden on your soul and live with it?

What to do if you are offended

We will leave aside cases when a man intentionally offends a woman. How does a woman behave if she is offended by her beloved man? The most common type of behavior is that she withdraws into herself and does not speak, and at this time the man tries to make amends.

Don't hush up your grievances. Very often, women expect the man to guess what his companion is offended by. Doing this is completely useless; men have no idea what’s going on in a woman’s head.

They only understand direct, intelligible text. Men do not understand any hints or silence. Therefore, if some man’s action offended you, tell him directly what exactly and why it upset you. This is the only way you can prevent it from happening again and teach a man to be more attentive to you.

You shouldn’t revel in the state of being offended and unhappy for too long; you need to be able to get out of it in time. A man may be offended by you if you reject his initiatives to win back your affection for too long. After all, in his opinion, he did everything he could. Therefore, be lenient.

If your man is one of those who never goes first to reconcile (despite the fact that he himself is to blame), you will have to take the first step yourself. Calmly explain to him that you are upset about the discord in your relationship, but you cannot hold a grudge any longer. Explain to him what exactly offended you - what seems like a disaster to you may turn out to be a mere trifle for a man.

Try to figure out whether the cause of the offense is only in your head or whether it was caused by the man’s action, but at the same time he does not understand that his action could have offended you. For example: a man did not call in the evening. Why is his call so important to you? Because they wanted to make sure he got home safely from an office party, or because they wanted to make sure he remembered you?

In the first case, you need to talk to the man and explain to him that you are worried. In such cases, ask him to call or write an SMS saying that everything is fine with him. In the second case, you need to work on your self-esteem. To make sure you are unique, take a piece of paper and write down all your best qualities.

How to learn to communicate with a man without tears and hysterics, even if you were very offended? There is a very interesting article about this.

This could be a beautiful figure, achievements in any field, or character traits. You can conduct a survey among your friends about what qualities attract them to you. Write them down too. If you remember something else, add to the list. Review your list regularly.

Choose an activity that gives you self-confidence - it could be fitness or yoga, drawing, and much more. Remember that Shishkin did not know how to draw people - he painted a forest, Surikov did not know how to draw a forest - he painted people, Aivazovsky did not know how to draw either one - he painted water. Play to your strengths!

Praise yourself every day for big and small successes. All these actions will help you gain self-confidence. And remember - the man chose you for who you are, try to preserve all the qualities that he loved in you.

Don't let resentment defeat you

In a marriage, someone bears more responsibility, someone less, but if a woman is wiser, as evidenced by the research of hundreds of psychologists and family relationship specialists, then the marriage will not fall apart, no matter what offense the husband inflicts. Stop the feeling of resentment in yourself and do not let it eat you up from the inside.

Resentment is your protest and defensive reaction to a situation that seemed wrong to you. This is your assessment. Resentment hits very hard on pride and self-esteem. Reacting in this way to unfair treatment of yourself, you are trying to protect yourself, save your “ego”, want to stay afloat, but in fact, you are drowning. This emotion is based on hope for a correction of the situation, for a different outcome.

Perceptions and expectations

We build our relationships based on the upbringing we received in childhood, the experience of building relationships between parents, and we try to transfer this model to our own family. We have our own idea about everything. But the spouse also has his own view of life. We choose as a partner a person whom we invent and draw for ourselves. In reality, what we see and what actually exists may not coincide. It is naive to think that people who profess their principles and implement plans and goals will act in accordance with your expectations. The same situation is viewed differently – by you and by your offender. For you it’s a disaster, but for him it’s a mere trifle.

Video about how to forgive an offense against your husband

Ask yourself the question: “Why?” Perhaps he does not consider you as significant a figure in his life as you thought. Or maybe he himself underestimated your expectations of his character and the behavior that you would like to see in him. Finally, he may not care about your relationship. But if an ordinary person walks next to you in life, whom you nevertheless, for some reason, chose as your husband, maybe it’s worth remembering the most important, natural feeling that cannot change the nature of a man, i.e. desire to be understood and forgiven

Even in a situation where your husband cheats on you, it is important to understand why he did this, and perhaps your first thought will not be divorce, but “how to get rid of your husband’s mistress” in order to save the family

Remember, a man speaks in most cases through the language of gestures and actions. And if he comes home every day, then in the language of men this means one thing: “I love you!” Based on this, think about how to get rid of resentment towards your husband? Is it worth harboring and nurturing a grudge against him after this?

The sensitivity of others today is not the norm of behavior, it is rather a gift of fate. Expressing resentment towards a person as a form of reaction to something we don’t like can work once. But there won’t be a next time, and they will make fun of you, saying: “They carry water for the offended.”

It harms you like this:

reduces immunity;
thyroid diseases;
depression;
diseases of the cardiovascular system;
oncology;
mental disorders;
migraines, headaches.

So is it worth giving such a high price to resentment? Thank God that there is a way out of the situation.

Getting rid of negative emotions

Everyone is concerned about the question of how to forgive an insult to your husband? It’s not for nothing that they say: “To forgive means to understand.” So let's do some introspection. If you haven’t found the answer, then use the tips that will help you maintain peace within yourself and win the battle with resentment. Yes, moralizing, hurtful words, unfounded criticism - all this is difficult to endure and remain calm. But curbing your emotions is the first thing you need to do. That's why:

do not immediately get involved in an argument;
do not give yourself away right away, do the opposite, smile in response to offensive words;
show maximum politeness and discourage the offender;
justify your offender.

Secondly, you cannot be offended by bad words addressed to you. You don’t think about yourself that way, which means this is a subjective assessment based on your husband’s personal ideas about the world. There is no need to prove the opposite, it is better to remain silent, thereby maintaining your dignity and demonstrating good manners.

Thirdly, if you manage to explain to yourself the origin of criticism and nagging, it will become much easier for you to forgive your husband. Maybe he had a hard day at work today, he was reprimanded at work and then at home he quarreled with you. It’s time to feel sorry for him, let alone be offended.

Video on how to get rid of resentment towards your husband

What else are women often offended by?

Most men tend to forget about important (especially for women) dates. Women are often offended by this. It’s just that men are structured completely differently and dates are not as important to them as they are to us.

Women are very impulsive by nature, so tears can often well up. The reasons for this may vary.

If your loved one is just like that, and on the eve of the anniversary of some event you were expecting a romantic dinner or a gift from him, but he didn’t even remember about it, you don’t need to accuse him of indifference. Just next time, shortly before the event, remind him of it yourself. And then the man will definitely try to do something nice for you.

If your man is a despot and constantly insults you, what options for behavior are possible.

You may become aggressive. This is unlikely to help restore justice, since a despotic man will probably be stronger than you (both morally and physically).
You harbor resentment within yourself, directing your aggression inward. You may even hate yourself for your helplessness, and then the resentment will eat away at you from the inside, which leads to the destruction of your personality.

You can get out of this situation only by forgiving the offender for your own sake. Without being able to punish him, forgive him and do not carry resentment within yourself. And let him go in peace. Let him go far away from your life.

Watch the video from practical psychologist Nadezhda Mayer. It tells you how to deal with a man who is being rude out of emotion, and what to do with a man who is being rude on purpose.

How to communicate correctly with your superiors and not be offended at work. Behavior rules

Good relationships with superiors are the key to a comfortable environment in the team and productive work. But each person has his own characteristics, strong and weak qualities, bad habits. You need to come to terms with this. It can be very difficult to change a bad, capricious boss, but adapting to his characteristics is much easier.

The first thing to do is to outline the boundaries. Discuss problems in a calm tone, but if necessary, defend your point of view. You can also voice your dissatisfaction. It’s better to do this one-on-one and in a polite manner. Explain why you are unhappy and offer options to improve the situation.

Do not start empty conversations about the boss in the team. Instead, use that energy to improve your performance. Try to help your boss achieve work goals. This will help you build relationships, gain recognition, and improve your position.

Other rules:

Forecasting problems. Don't be afraid to report bugs and errors. You can unobtrusively advise how to do better or correct the situation. An experienced and wise boss will appreciate this behavior and thank you for your help. If the attempt is not successful, it is better not to do this a second time.
Ask for advice. In difficult situations, when the success or failure of the entire company is at stake, you can consult about work issues. Think over an action plan and agree on it with your boss. This will help avoid mistakes.
Be sincere. There are bosses who have a negative attitude towards flattery and hypocrisy. Therefore, praising without reason is a bad decision. It is better to approve his activities when you really consider it necessary.
Maintain neutrality. The relationship between the boss and the employee is purely business. It is better to talk with your boss only about work topics. It happens that it is better not to make friendly relations with him and not to impose himself. The optimal solution is to work for the benefit of the enterprise and do your job well.
Do not press on sore spots. Instead of criticizing, communicate ways to fix the problem. If he is late for an interview, advise him to set his alarm 15 minutes before the meeting. If he forgets about meetings with customers or other important matters, remind him of this. Think about what else you can help your boss with, and don’t waste this opportunity.
Reward good deeds. Often good but demanding bosses do not hear kind words addressed to them. Give a compliment about leadership style, recent successes, or other accomplishments. Do it sincerely and from the heart, and not with the goal of hearing pleasant words in response.

When should you not be offended by a girl?

Many guys get offended by ladies for minor reasons. You shouldn't do this. After all, this way you can jeopardize your relationship. There is no point in being angry with a girl if:

She was making fun of you;
She called you a name that is unpleasant to you;
She accidentally did something bad;
The girl was late or forgot something;
I once suspected you of treason.

If you show her that you are a kind guy, she will reciprocate your feelings and also forgive you for a small mistake. If you are offended by everything, then a war will break out between you and you will have a hard time.

When should you be offended by a girl?

But peace is not always the best option. There are situations that need to be tightly controlled. Otherwise, the lady may “sit on your neck.” Then you will become henpecked. In particular, the following situations should cause just anger and resentment:

She deliberately damaged your item (for example, a phone);
The girl deliberately gives reasons for jealousy;
She always stalks and controls you;
The lady insults you publicly and intentionally;
The girl treats you like an inferior being.

Many mothers teach their daughters that “a man should be under his thumb.” And daughters act according to this attitude. And if you start to be offended and declare that your rights are being violated, then the lady will begin to take you into account.

In addition, resentment is a method of explanation. For example, if she does not understand you, then when you stop communicating with her, she will begin to listen to you. The main thing here is not to go too far. Otherwise, separation is inevitable.

Causes of excessive touchiness

Habits of parents. From an early age, observing the manners of his parents, a person adopts some of their traits. Faced with certain circumstances, everyone begins to apply these systems of behavior that are well known to them.

Low self-esteem

A person focuses all his attention on self-pity, which allows this resentment to close off the rest of the world. However, with such a selfish action he only makes life more difficult for himself and does not increase self-respect. Attracting attention to yourself

Showing resentment is an attempt to attract the attention of others, which is also selfishness. Here it does not matter at all what mood a person is in when he is offended. The habit of being offended for any reason is embedded in him on a subconscious level. Feeling of injustice. Each person interprets the meaning of justice differently. Of course, this value is subjective. Thus, people have different interpretations of the same life circumstances. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this and, as a result, prevents themselves from living with petty grievances.