Men do not immediately see their partner as their wife and mother of future children. And there are no complaints about this - this is absolutely normal. But what if the relationship became more than romantic and froze in place? After all, according to the logic of things, the couple should step to a new level. She should, but something is stopping her. Or rather, not something, but a companion who begins to behave like a “dog in the manger.” The woman is in limbo, and quite reasonable thoughts begin to overcome her: why doesn’t a man want a serious relationship? Why does he keep his distance, but doesn’t want to let go? How to behave and do you need to do something? Male psychology is very interesting, sit down, girls, let's look into this topic.
The most common reasons why a man does not want a serious relationship
Many women think that the reason for refusing a serious relationship is banal fear. It's a delusion. There are many more pitfalls. There are so many of them that even the man himself does not know all his fears.
So, what are the reasons for the reluctance to develop a serious relationship:
- Unsuccessful life examples. If a man has unsuccessful relationships in his family, or his friends are oppressed every day by their marital status, this leaves its mark. The guy sees that a serious step leads to disappointment and suppression. Then why do you need this step if you are already wonderful together?
- Habit. This is the option when a man is sure that you will always be there. He is comfortable, he is used to your food, meetings, conversations. You are reliable, cheerful, faithful, what else is needed for happiness?
- Immaturity. Young guys rarely want to start a serious relationship, so when you start dating them, don’t flatter yourself too much. Why does he need this? Parents give material goods, friends give comfort and fun, you give everything else. Nobody owes anything to anyone, life is wonderful.
- Pressure from outside. This is usually done by relatives or unlucky comrades. “You’re still young, don’t do anything stupid”, “You have so many prospects in life, but you’re ruining everything”, “There are still a lot of such beauties waiting for you, what’s the rush”, “You deserve more”... The authority of your parents, of course, is great, but do you need such a partner?
- Indecision, cowardice. There are such eternally doubting men. And your relationship is smooth, and love reigns between you, but the obsessive cockroaches in his head always tip the scales in one direction or the other.
- Previous bad experience. A man is so overcome by fears and doubts that he is simply unable to allow serious feelings into himself.
- Intrusiveness of a companion. This is where a psychological defense called “resistance” comes into play. Even if a guy loves you, he won’t want a serious relationship just because the girl is too assertive and demanding. “All my friends are already married,” “You promised to get married,” “Let’s live together, otherwise I’ll go to someone who values me more.” They run away from such annoying ladies without looking back; no one wants to be under their thumb.
- Polygamy. Not to be confused with a pathological womanizer. Such a man, in principle, does not see the need for marriage. This is a sultan who has the right to be in an open relationship with whomever he wants (in fact, he may have one girl, but he knows how to stroke his pride).
- A man feels like a little boy next to a woman. If a woman plays the role of a mother, taking care of him at every step (put on gloves, go to bed, you can’t have sausage, take care of your eyes), then there is little chance of a serious relationship. If, of course, the companion is childish in itself, then you will be an ideal couple.
- The man understands that you are not suitable for the role of a legal wife. There is something in you that is lacking for a serious life (slow, absent-minded, ignore his needs, lazy, dependent on external factors, have different interests, plans for the future). Believe me, this is even for the better, otherwise you will both suffer.
- Self-interest. He lives entirely at your expense: housing, vacations, shopping, going to restaurants, etc. Why doesn’t he get married? But the main thing is not there. Where is Love?
- A woman suppresses her companion, treats him with disdain (forces him to do homework, jokes about him in front of friends, ignores his requests, and issues ultimatums in any conflict). Who wants to become the other half of a domineering companion? And why do you need a man who is obviously weaker than you?
- Fear of feelings. This applies to inexperienced guys who are afraid of their strong feelings. This also happens, all you have to do is give him time to collect his thoughts.
There is another rational reason why a man does not seek to build a serious relationship now. These are material and everyday difficulties. The partner may feel shame or embarrassment from his inability to provide for his partner at the moment. This is normal, even correct, because he is ready to take responsibility for your presence in his life!
The main advice is to look at things soberly. If a man simply treats you with disdain, do not look for psychological reasons in his behavior, there are none there.
Money and ambition
From childhood, men are taught to play and win, so when they reach adulthood, they perceive the career ladder as a competition in which they must win - one day become a big boss or the owner of their own business. Work drags on and takes up all your free time, but you can’t stop so easily, because, if you believe the gossip columns, you’re far from cool until you have your own yacht or at least a cozy loft.
If a man doesn't want a serious relationship, why doesn't he let him go?
This is a situation like: I won’t eat it myself, and I won’t give it to anyone else. Such men are real egoists who behave absolutely the way they want, while keeping the woman in the dark and with false hopes. Usually these are excellent manipulators - a guy may not call for a week, and then he will be scattered with declarations of love.
Why doesn’t a man let his chosen one go, despite the fact that he doesn’t want a serious relationship with her? Let's not consider the option of a married man - everything is clear with this. He values you as an additional link, but the main one is always your wife, no matter what stories they feed you (we’ll get divorced soon, I love only you, we live like neighbors, I’m with her for the sake of the children). These songs are always the same, believe me. Only in rare cases does a mistress take that coveted top position. Why doesn't he let go? Why? You raise his self-esteem, he breathes with you, feels wanted and needed. A man fills the void that was created with his legal wife. That's all.
Apart from this, the most common reason is convenience. You have common interests, you will always wait for him, feed him, hug him, caress him. You are constantly available - people come to you when they want and any behavior is accepted unquestioningly. When a man gets used to this, it is already pointless to count on a more serious attitude towards himself. It’s a sin to let such a woman go – who else will treat him so unforgettably.
There is a second common option: a man loves his companion, but refuses to build a serious relationship because of the character (habits, behavior) of his beloved. If there is something in you that stops him, he will hope to the last for your correction. Maybe you are too hot-tempered or gloomy? Or do you refuse to cook dinners? You have 4 cats and he has allergies? Do you spend more time with your friends than with him? Think about it.
You can keep a woman near you for a number of other reasons:
- a man is simply afraid of loneliness (category 35+);
- obsessed with himself, and comes to his companion only for fresh praise, a portion of love, recognition, clean socks or his favorite borscht;
- he is flattered by this turn of events;
- confused in my feelings;
- has two women in mind, and each of them complements each other in qualities and skills.
If a guy doesn’t want a serious relationship, but doesn’t want to break up either, this is a dangerous trap for women. The sly man doesn’t just keep his companion, he shows her his interest in every possible way. He buys her gifts, is jealous of her, takes care of her, gets angry. With his sudden attacks, he makes it clear how dear she is to him, pulling her by an invisible thread in situations that are convenient for him. But at the first opportunity he leaves! Such relationships last as long as the woman allows it.
The guy is afraid of the feelings he experiences
There is a high probability that a man fell in love with someone for the first time in his life. He had previously had relationships, but the new chosen one became the first for whom the guy has such strong and vivid feelings. He can shower his beloved with gifts, invite her on dates, but even after 6-7 months of the relationship, the first sex will not take place.
In such a situation, a girl should not think that something is wrong with her partner. It is better to let this relationship go with the flow, to give the man time. Under no circumstances should you take any drastic actions; you can only gently hint to your partner that the girl is ready to move to a new stage of the relationship.
Man after divorce
Divorce is a great shock for men. It doesn’t matter for what reasons and on whose initiative it occurred, representatives of the stronger sex experience it painfully. If a woman can throw out her emotions to relatives, in intimate gatherings with friends, in her own transformation, then a man more often withdraws and even reaches into the bottle. Such unprocessed traumas remain in the soul for a long time, leaving an imprint on future behavior.
A man is not ready for a serious relationship after a divorce for several reasons.
The first is that too little time has passed since the breakup. And if the divorce was difficult (division of property, insults, court, tears of children), then fresh wounds purely morally push the man away from a serious relationship. He resists, fears, rejects, doubts, and does not trust the opposite sex. This will last until the unpleasant memories are erased. If, moreover, a man still loves his ex, the current one will lose to her on all fronts. Only his wife knew how much sugar he needed in his tea, what his favorite color of tie was, what to serve after a hard day at work.
The second situation is that too much time has passed since the divorce. This case is more serious, because the man has already fallen in love with his free status. He controls himself - he eats, sleeps, plays on the computer, drinks beer as much as he wants. The lone wolf does not intend to change anything in his ways, and any conversations on serious topics are perceived too sharply by him. He defends his freedom and will stop any attempts to encroach on it. Here a serious conversation is absolutely necessary, because an avid bachelor is sincerely surprised at what is bothering you in such a wonderful, stable relationship.
There is another option that the man does not trust his partner. Especially if his ex-wife betrayed him. Or the last marriage was so unsuccessful that it introduced serious destructive attitudes:
- no matter what you do for your wife, there will be no gratitude, no response, no praise, no respect, no support;
- the woman constantly yells, is dissatisfied with everything, angry, disheveled, unkempt;
- all women become indifferent after a year of marriage;
- in the family they only know what to demand, reproach, roar, suffer;
- Living together is a complete inconvenience, a violation of personal space.
Only a truly loving, devoted and patient woman can help him overcome psychological difficulties. Such life positions have become stronger every year, so do not expect to correct this in a short time.
If you and a man really want a serious relationship, but past sad experiences are greatly hindering you, seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will help your chosen one rethink values and let go of past grievances in order to step towards happiness.
Peter Pan Syndrome
Psychologists also call them “eternal boys,” infantiles and men who were never able to grow up, and The New York Times newspaper back in 1985 coined the fashionable term “kidalt” for them, which is suitable to describe a man aged 30 years and older, who watches cartoons and fantasy, loves gadgets and computer games, works in an office and does not want to get married. Since the 80s, perhaps, little has changed, and modern “kids” and Peter Pans in Europe, for example, are a very common phenomenon. They live with their parents until they turn gray, prefer benefits from the state to work, and are not even ready to get a dog, because it is “too much responsibility.”
If a man is afraid of a serious relationship
Fears in adults do not form out of nowhere. If a guy doesn’t want a relationship only out of personal fears and doubts, then you have every chance of building a harmonious union. It just takes time.
So, if a girl is sure that there is love between them, but for some reason the young man is afraid to step forward, she needs to prove that they can be happy together. Prove not with words, but with deeds, behavior, attitude. There are several recommendations from psychologists on this matter.
The first, main step is to let him know that you are a mature ally. There is a category of girls who, for any reason, throw hysterics, scandals, cry, and get offended by little things. This behavior is incredibly frustrating and repels the male sex. Ladies mistakenly elevate themselves to the rank of bitches, but with such individuals, their fears of getting married only worsen. Try to moderate your ardor. Passion is great, but avoid being overly dramatic. Try to become a good friend for your partner, with whom he should have mutual understanding and trust. Then you can calmly discuss future relationships and existing fears. Talk and decide, of course.
The second step is to be a mature ally, but a vulnerable woman. Trust me, it's compatible. Start needing your man. Let him take care of you, take care of you, and give you positive emotions. However, without whims and instructions on what and how to do! He's in charge, so give him the helm. But for this to happen, you must first learn to please and surprise your partner. Start, he will be pleased, and he will definitely reciprocate.
The third step is to constantly develop yourself. A man is afraid not only of loud, hysterical women, but also of stupid ones. Your task is to always be interesting and exciting. The guy needs to see how unique a person he is. Then he will be completely absorbed in you, and will never want to let you go.
The last step is to have no inhibitions. A young man who does not want a serious relationship is afraid of losing his freedom. Show him otherwise! Let your man do what makes him happy. Let him go fishing, go out to a bar with friends, and tinker with his motorcycle on Saturdays. The main thing is don’t sit at home at this moment and don’t worry in vain, otherwise a scandal is guaranteed. Keep yourself busy with something interesting, let the fourth step remind you of this. Learn to trust him, because if a girl is still confident that her partner will run to the left, why are they together?
This only works when the reasons for the reluctance to enter into a serious relationship are fears. Then, step by step, you will cross the desired finish line.
How to behave as a woman
The man you love said that he doesn’t want a serious relationship, but wants ease and communication without obligations... Well, at least he said - at least your further behavior will be meaningful.
Yes, this is bold, frank, but how to react to such words? How to behave and are such statements normal? Such phrases are unpleasant, but acceptable in a relationship, because they immediately show you the cards. Your job is to figure out what to do with these cards.
The first step is to have a serious conversation on this topic. Find out - he doesn’t want it at all or right now? If now, limit the time frame. For example: let’s meet (live) like this for 3 months, if nothing changes, we’ll have to break up. This is how the companion makes it clear that she refuses to waste time. This strategy is perfect for those situations if the couple already lives in the same territory or the chosen one is too young in age.
If your partner is repulsed by your behavior, find out what exactly irritates him. As soon as a woman rationally approaches this issue and begins to change, the man’s attitude towards her will change. He will see that you are interested in him, value him, value him, and this is the main thing.
If your chosen one is with you due to the lack of another woman, tell him honestly that you are ready to become his faithful and devoted companion, but in the case of a normal relationship. You will not allow yourself to be used. This will make him look at you with different eyes. Believe me, after this, respect for you will increase by 200%.
If a man ignores a serious relationship because he is fixated on himself, either accept him as such, be a shadow and a faithful companion, or become like him. Just match the image of the queen.
If you are just with an indecisive man, know that this will be the case all your life. There is no need to talk here, you just have to take everything into your own hands. Write an application to the registry office, buy him a suit, choose a vacation spot. Exaggerated, but honest.
Is it necessary to talk and work on relationships in all cases? There are times when you need to run without looking back. These are situations when a man is guided by selfish motives, if he is a typical womanizer or a neurotic person. Believe me, in these cases the chances of a serious relationship are zero.
Failed past relationships
We must not forget that almost every person has experienced a painful breakup. Some people can cope with pain in a month, but for others, even a few years will not be enough. In addition, one man may forget the past, while another will always remember his bitter experience. He doesn’t want to fall in love, much less start a new serious relationship, because he doesn’t want to relive the severe pain.
In such a situation, a girl should not rush things; it is better to show her partner that she is ready to wait, that trust and understanding in a relationship are also important to her.
What actions to take
So, a man wants a relationship without commitment. No matter what a woman says, and no matter how hard she tries to keep her face up, it hits below the belt.
What to do, what actions to take so as not to bite your elbows later? Before you make your final decision, remember that this is only your life, so any step for you will be the right one a priori!
All a woman can do in such a delicate situation is:
- try to revive (stir up) the relationship;
- take the same position as a man;
- break off a hopeless romance.
We will not consider the second point seriously, since this is a deliberately losing position. All that a woman will achieve is to relieve a man of the heavy burden of responsibility, making his life even more beautiful. Moreover, she herself will suffer from this - that’s how psychology works.
Analyzing myself
Before looking for a problem in your lover, you need to understand yourself. You need to think about whether you really want a serious relationship. If so, how does this manifest itself in behavior? Sincerity is important in this matter, since many women follow the example of their friends and, afraid of being left alone, try to marry the first man they meet. In fact, you should not rush in this matter, so as not to make a mistake that could ruin your whole life. A girl should listen to her own desires, and not follow the example of others.
How to spice up your relationship
Revitalizing a relationship is a great job. It should be carried out only if love really reigns between people. Therefore, recognize in time what it is: fear of entering into a serious relationship or reluctance? If a man avoids spending time with you, has become cold in bed, gets angry, argues and argues for no reason, has become secretive, then, alas, you are dealing with indifference. Then it will be a completely different story.
If the relationship is simply frozen in place, be patient. Patience is the most basic quality that you will need now. You must become wise, which means patient, pliable, sexy, sincere, forgiving, faithful and stable.
The first thing you need to understand is that it is impossible to change an adult man. You can adjust his attitude towards something, but nothing more. Therefore, no reproaches - it hurts his self-esteem. Praise, admire, support. Let him understand that he needs you. You are a ray of light, without which it is still dark for him.
Become emotionally independent of him. You will be sorry, hug, praise, but excuse me, you have to get up early tomorrow and it’s time for you to sleep. How can you do this to him, the center of your universe? Well, that's it, you are a planet on your own. Then the man will want to get closer to you to prevent you from slipping away.
Agree with him more often. Smile playfully and agree. This will introduce a healthy note of interest and puzzlement. Just let it be in adequate situations, otherwise a violent scandal is inevitable.
And of course, always surprise him. Be unpredictable in a positive way: in sex, behavior, reactions, words, gestures. Let him want to get to know you. Being interested in you is the final step towards a serious relationship.
Looking for Barbie
Mass culture shapes our consciousness from childhood and influences our choice of partner in adulthood. Our generation of men was brought up in a culture of sexualization of the female body: a girl with an ideal figure and long hair in a micro bikini appeared everywhere - from music videos and magazine covers to advertising for detergents, personifying the female image desired by a man, and porn and erotic magazines that served men textbooks on sex education, demonstrated standards of beauty that do not exist in the real world. Thus, men have been instilled with an inhumane attitude towards female sexuality, which not only forces them not to stop searching, but also to criticize without shame the “imperfect” female heels .
