A pause in a relationship initiated by a girl: how to behave?

December 7, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Angelica Braldi

It is generally accepted that a break in a relationship initiated by a girl is much less common than a break arranged at the request of a man. Indeed, the overwhelming majority of representatives of the fair sex live by the principle “if you endure it, you fall in love” and prefer to be close to their chosen one, regardless of how the relationship between them develops.

Of course, not all women behave this way; some do not at all consider a man a “prize” worth holding on to in the literal and figurative sense. Of course, when faced with a girl’s desire to take a time out in a relationship, men are lost and don’t understand how to react to this, how to behave. Advice from psychologists will help you understand this situation.

What is time out in a relationship?

What does a pause in a relationship mean? Is this a break? Evidence that a breakup is ahead? A situation that screams that the partners “didn’t get along”? Time during which you can find someone else, and if that doesn’t work out, then resume your previous relationship?

This is how men perceive a break in most cases. This specificity is due to the fact that they themselves, if they plan to take a break in the relationship, mean by this time-out a chance to find someone better, but at the same time retain the opportunity to return to their previous partner in case of failure.

However, women who initiate a pause put a completely different meaning into this concept. For girls, such a break, as a rule, is a forced measure or the time needed to understand themselves and their own feelings. In other words, a pause is not a reason for cheating, looking for new partners, or waiting for the relationship to end. That is, a time-out is just a break, and not a harbinger of an imminent separation.

Why do girls and guys take a break from relationships: reasons

Psychologists have carefully studied the situation when relationships reach a dead end. People begin to grow cold towards each other and want to take a break in the relationship. First of all, you need to understand that this does not always mean separation. At the same time, you shouldn’t delay things too much, because loving hearts don’t need rest, but sometimes life turns in such a way that harmony is lost.

Problems can arise due to various circumstances, especially since it is sometimes impossible to plan your life. So, the main reasons why there is a pause in a relationship are:

The romance has disappeared . No matter how strange it may sound, men also love it when relationships are just beginning and there is a lot of passion. Passion gradually fades away in any relationship, but not everyone is able to maintain it. Over time, one or even both partners decide to end the affair. They argue this by the need to maintain relationships.
Uncertainty about your partner . Not all people rely on their family and friends, especially since ideal people do not exist. Yes, their support is important, but sometimes in difficult situations they do not act and this is upsetting. Moreover, the partner may have a flighty character, which harms the relationship. As a result, there is a desire to temporarily break off the relationship in order to understand oneself.
Constant quarrels . When a couple constantly sorts things out, it doesn’t lead to anything good. If one person is conflictual, then the second will get tired over time. This will lead to the desire to take a break. If there is also aggression, then the matter may end in separation.
Treason . Not everyone is able to approach this event constructively. In anger it is very difficult to control oneself, and the victim is still oppressed by despair. The traitor is still dear, but he turned out to be a traitor. And it is very difficult to make any decision.
Passion for others . Sometimes a partner asks for a break if he is interested in another person, but his feelings for his current other half have not yet cooled down. It turns out that he is, as it were, chasing two birds with one stone. In the end, a person may simply be left with nothing, because when he falls in love with two people, he does not take anyone seriously.
Stress . People don't always tell their other half about their problems. Closed people try to withdraw into themselves and be alone. They solve their own issues, but for this they need a short pause. In addition, the emotional partner also needs to get himself in order.
Uncertainty . This can apply to both men and women. It happens that a person is simply not sure whether he needs a chosen one. This is due to the fact that passion quickly disappears and ultimately brings disappointment and romantic feelings burn out.

As a rule, even before the reason for the temporary gap appears, the prerequisites for this arise. In addition, before deciding to pause, you must definitely think about the consequences. After all, losing a person is easy, but getting him back later is a big problem.

What kind of pause could there be?

If there is a break in the relationship, how should a man behave? What can and should be done, and what cannot be done? Without a doubt, this is the question that interests most of the representatives of the stronger half of humanity. But to answer it, you need to understand what kind of pause the woman took.

A time-out in a relationship between two people can be:

checking;
forced break due to circumstances;
a gesture of despair;
a form of protest.

The man’s line of behavior should be built in accordance with the exact pause the woman took. In other words, if a girl decides to take a break out of desperation, she should behave differently than in a situation of a temporary break caused by objective circumstances.

Pause as a check

If a pause in a relationship at the girl’s initiative is justified by the need to check something, then you need to ask yourself whether this relationship is worth the effort and time spent on it.

As a rule, women utter a rather general phrase, borrowed from magazines or films: “We need to check our feelings.” But what should we check them for? If a woman cannot answer this question clearly and clearly, then she is either eccentric and prone to blindly following “fashion trends,” or she is simply not sure that she wants to maintain a relationship with her partner. What to do in this case? It’s very simple: “check” your own feelings. Ask questions about what connects with the girl, whether there is a place for love, whether the relationship has become a habit, and so on. If a man is better off without a woman than with her, then he needs to notify her that the “test” failed and the temporary gap has grown into separation.

However, a pause, as a test, is not always a whim or evidence of cooling. Quite often she says exactly the opposite: that the girl has an extremely serious attitude towards the events taking place in her life. That is, such a pause may be evidence of a woman’s responsibility, her tendency to make thoughtful and rational decisions. In this case, you need not to spoil anything, if, of course, you want to connect your life with this girl.

Broke up with a girl: how to forget and start living

Let go of the past and you will get the future. This is the answer to the question “what to do if a girl breaks up with me.” Start small - delete her phone number, friend her on social networks and stop following her there. And here are a couple more practical tips under the heading “broke up with a girl, how to forget.”

Scientists have found that rupture provokes the production of adrenaline in the body. This is a genetically determined reaction to stress with accompanying symptoms - headaches, fatigue and anxiety. Getting rid of excess adrenaline is simple - lace up your sneakers and go to the gym.
Do you feel empty? Load your refrigerator with delicious food. Foods with tryptophan - found in cheese, fish, meat, mushrooms and nuts - will help cope with depression and blues. Caffeine, vitamin D and Omega-3 fatty acids have antidepressant properties. A cup of coffee with chocolate, a good steak or grilled salmon is what you need right now.
In general, congratulations. You are the lucky one who had the opportunity to start life from scratch and do what you wanted to do before, but did not succeed due to a banal lack of time (relationships are a time-consuming resource). This is called freedom. Enjoy it, old man.

If this article did not help you, you can seek help from a specialist on the website psy-chat.ru. It's absolutely free!

So, if a girl offers to break up, don’t believe it, don’t be afraid, don’t ask. “I respect your decision, but I want to preserve our relationship,” your answer will at least discourage her. And even if everything is serious, and she really leaves, remember, life has no dead ends. There are traps into which we drive ourselves. And only those who look up conquer the peaks.

Forced pause

This type of time-out is more common than other types of pauses in relationships. It depends little on the will of people and, in principle, is an excellent real test of their feelings for strength.

What is it? This is a temporary separation due to life circumstances. For example, one of the partners may go to work under a contract in another country for a couple of years.

As a rule, if a girl takes a break from a relationship for an objective reason related to her career, the man reacts very painfully. Some even try to put the question bluntly or put forward ultimatums. Of course, you don't need to do this.

Is it worth taking a break?

Despite the fact that this technique is a sign of a healthy relationship, like any decision, it has its downsides. Before inviting your partner to take a break from each other, it is worth weighing the pros and contras.

Positive aspects of a break in a relationship:

Everyone needs a reboot, because after resting, people return to each other more complete and renewed;
if you doubt your feelings for a person, a temporary separation is a great way to check how much you need him (and, accordingly, vice versa);
if you have been living together for several years and rarely go out somewhere separately, taking a break from the relationship is normal, treat it as an unscheduled (or maybe even planned) vacation;
At a distance, partners have the opportunity to look at their loved one from the outside, and after reunification they discover each other in a new way.

The break also has its downsides:

many men perceive such a proposal from a girl very aggressively and unambiguously: it seems to them that the beloved wants to break up with him, but does not dare to say so directly;
during the time that the relationship is paused, one of the partners may find new romantic hobbies, thus undermining the trust of a once close person;
Society and conservative relatives are wary of other people's time off from each other; it will be difficult to explain to parents or mutual friends what this means.

Pause as a gesture of despair

Such a time-out in relationships between people is always a consequence of something, some out-of-the-ordinary act that simply cannot be ignored.

If a pause in a relationship at the girl’s initiative is a gesture of despair, then the man is to blame for something, and not in a figurative sense, but in the most literal sense. The woman simply does not know what exactly she should do, whether she can continue this relationship, and therefore takes a time out.

The cause of such a temporary gap can be infidelity, an act of physical violence against a woman or her pet, a child, a statement about the lack of desire to have descendants and hints at the need to have an abortion, and much more. Whatever the reason for the pause, which is a gesture of despair, it is always very specific. Therefore, you cannot leave the situation unattended; you must try to correct your own mistakes and regain the woman’s trust and love. If, of course, you want to connect your future with this girl.

Pause as a form of protest

What it is? This is a demonstrative departure of a woman “to freedom” with the designation of a list of conditions that a man must fulfill for her return.

A pause in a relationship at the girl’s initiative, which is a protest, can be a kind of game. This is often done by women who believe that “feelings should be kept in good shape.” In other words, this may be a banal attempt to avoid routine and ordinariness in a relationship. In this case, it is quite possible to play along with your soulmate.

However, sometimes such a time-out is not a game at all. The girl can demonstrate that, given the opportunity, she has the determination to end the relationship. Or, in this way, she shows her power over her partner and control over their life, that is, she demonstrates “who’s boss.” This behavior may also be due to personal complexes and the need for self-affirmation.

Why is there a desire to temporarily interrupt a stable relationship in which there are no problems?

Sometimes people decide to take a break in a relationship without having any outwardly noticeable reasons. As a rule, the second partner in such a situation feels betrayed, since for him the world is really “collapsing.” Just imagine: a man is sure that he has a stable rear, next to him is a faithful, understanding, loving woman. And then he finds out that, in fact, everything is not good at all and there can be no talk of any stability in the family.

In the West, in such situations, married couples or those people who have lived together for a long time turn to psychologists who specialize in resolving crises that arise in relationships. Accordingly, the phenomenon of time-out in relationships has been well studied by specialists.

Psychologists believe that the most common reason that prompts one of the partners to temporarily interrupt the relationship is the subjective feeling of “being at a dead end.” It occurs when there is a loss of warmth, mutual respect and trust. That is, when people stop talking for a long time in the evenings, sharing their thoughts and feelings, and communicate only when necessary, for example, talking about what needs to be bought in the store or finding out who will pick up the children from kindergarten. In other words, when emotional intimacy is replaced by routine and habit, then one of the partners, usually a woman, begins to feel burdened by the relationship and look for a way out of the “emotional impasse.”

What is it for?

Is it really needed? A pause allows you to look at your relationship differently .

Having stayed away from your partner, you understand whether you really want to return or whether freedom and living without him are much more comfortable for you.

If people love each other, they will strive to renew, establish contact , and change in order to preserve the union.

If you take a break, then it should not just be a vacation when you suddenly start dating other people and looking for a replacement partner, but an opportunity to rethink your current relationship.

Why do we need a pause?:

take a break from your partner;
understand whether you want to return to him;
understand how you are more comfortable - together or apart;
re-evaluate your attitude towards your loved one;
start re-evaluating your goals, desires, aspirations, how consonant they are with the goals of another person and whether you are really on the path.

Unfortunately, most often the desire to take a break is an indicator that there are problems in the couple and it is easier to leave as a solution than to sit down at the negotiating table.

What else could cause you to want to take a time out?

Often, relationships are perceived by a man and a woman completely differently. What does this mean? Only that one of the partners can suppress the other, dominate him and hinder self-realization, development and professional activity, but do this completely unconsciously and, moreover, not even understand it. Of course, in most cases, men suppress women, and not vice versa.

In other words, a pause in a relationship with a man may be necessary for a woman as a “breath of fresh air.” That is, she is not at all tired of the relationship, however, while in it, she cannot do something important, for example, achieve a promotion or learn a foreign language. As a rule, this happens in couples in which the woman devotes all her time and energy to the man and home. At first, this activity inspires and pleases her, but over time she realizes that she has found herself in a real trap and remembers what she once wanted, what she strived for. A man, as a rule, does not see any problems in such relationships, everything suits him, and he simply cannot understand why his significant other is dissatisfied.

Taking a break from a relationship according to the rules

For many people, a partner's proposal for a break can come as a complete surprise. After all, they simply have no idea what it is, what their relationship will be like, what will happen next.

Therefore, temporary separation also requires some preparation. Otherwise, if your partner is not ready for a pause, but you insist, it will most likely end in a breakup and severe resentment.

The first thing to consider is the gender of your partner. In the issue of temporary separation, a huge role is played by which partner initiates it. After all, men and women have completely different reactions to the same life events.

What to do if the relationship is broken due to lack of self-realization

If, due to a lack of personal development and self-realization, a woman takes a break in a relationship, how should she behave? At first glance, such a question seems absurd, like the whole situation. If the problem is that a woman wants to build a career or learn something, she just needs to stop being a housewife, get a job or sign up for some training courses. This is exactly how the overwhelming majority of men argue, claiming that they do not see any problems if their wife or partner works or engages in personal development.

However, if everything were so simple, women would not break off stable relationships with men, but would go and get a job. As a rule, the need for a time-out does not arise in one minute. Moreover, it is completely unrelated to the “official position” of the man. What pushes women to a temporary breakup is the behavior of their partners, various little things that men usually do not attach importance to.

How exactly do men push women to pause? For example, when discussing her emotional state and desire to pursue a career with her husband or partner, a woman hears: “Of course, dear, go to work if that’s what you want.” The girl is happy, proud of how understanding her partner is, and begins to look for something to do.

What happens next? A woman starts working or studying and is faced with the fact that her partner has no intention of changing his own everyday habits. That is, the house still rests only on women’s shoulders. The man doesn’t even try to wash his plate, not to mention cleaning or doing laundry. That is, the partner lives the way he is used to.

What to do? Change your perception of the situation. A woman who is busy doing something outside the home is different from one for whom the meaning of life is serving a man and creating comfort. She simply does not have enough time and energy. Not only must you accept that the dominant partner is no longer a priority, but you must also behave differently. Household responsibilities need to be shared. For example, if a man returns from work before a woman, then he may well prepare dinner rather than wait for his wife and ask what she will feed him.

There are a lot of little things like this, each pair has its own, its own and unique. If you can’t figure out on your own exactly how you should behave, it makes sense to talk to the girl about it.

Why do men take time out in relationships?

A pause in a relationship initiated by a man, as a rule, is caused by completely different reasons than a time-out initiated by a woman. Of course, representatives of the stronger sex are most often afraid to take responsibility, are afraid of the rapid development of relationships, or simply do not feel confident that the woman is “the one, the one and only.”

In addition, men are pushed to temporarily end relationships by the following factors:

lack of thrill both in sex and outside of bed;
a woman’s everyday habits – the notorious hair curlers, old T-shirts and wrinkled bathrobes, worn-out slippers, scattered intimate hygiene items, etc.;
uncertainty in the chosen one, in the fullness of her feelings and in the similarity of ideas about the future;
scandals, scenes of jealousy, attempts at control.

Many women are sure that a man who wants to end a relationship for a while is already infatuated with someone or wants to “go all out.” However, when did having a spouse prevent representatives of the stronger sex from having fun with their mistress?

Psychologists believe that the most important reason for a man’s desire to take a break is the lack of a sense of his own worth as a person and significance in the eyes of a woman. In other words, if a partner does not feel like a man in every sense of the word while in a relationship, then he sees no other way out of the situation other than time-out.

What should a girl do if a man wants a break?

Of course, any problem in relationships between people is easier to prevent than to solve. You should not instill in a man the idea of his worthlessness and insolvency, then he will not even think about breaking off a relationship with a woman.

But what to do if your loved one has already started talking about the need for a pause? You should understand what caused this desire and eliminate the problem. This is not at all as simple as it seems, and many couples need the help of a family psychologist to understand their relationship.

What to do during a break?

Taking a break won't do you any good unless you continue to work on the relationship. What should you do during a break?

Remember yourself. Do you feel that you are bogged down in everyday life and have forgotten about your own interests? It's time to fix this, devote time to hobbies, walks, meditation, and pamper yourself.
Analyze the situation. There is no need to criticize your partner, focus on yourself. What did you do wrong? Perhaps they were overly protective, often criticized, and showed little interest in each other’s lives? Think about how to fix this in the future.
Move to a qualitatively new level. Wisdom says that it is impossible to solve a problem at the same level at which it appeared. You must gain new experience, understand yourself and your partner better. The easiest way to do this in a short time is with the help of courses offered by the Pavel Rakov Training Center.
Understand what kind of future you want to build. By reading my column “Ideal love relationships”, you will be convinced that any conflicts can be resolved peacefully.

The pause should end with a meeting with your partner, where you will discuss the conclusions drawn and joint plans.

How to deal with time out in a relationship?

If a girl initiates a break in the relationship, “what to do” is not the only question worrying a man. Many representatives of the stronger sex also think about how they should relate to what happened. Should a timeout be taken as an alarm signal, or should we not pay much attention to the fact of the pause?

Although a temporary separation, not caused by objective circumstances beyond the will of the person, is not a final break in the relationship, it should be taken very seriously.

A time out is evidence that not everything is going well between people; there are problems in their relationship that need to be resolved together. In other words, a temporary gap is a crisis that will have to be overcome.

Break rules

Choose the right moment for important conversations - only in person and not during a quarrel. Emotions can do a bad job - tears and resentment will not give you the opportunity to listen to words.

If we are talking about a temporary separation, you should immediately establish certain rules that will suit both and help resolve the existing problem. Explain the reason in detail, give arguments, try to convey the essence of your thoughts as calmly as possible.

Specify the time required to make a decision - there are no clear definitions here, and it all depends on the complexity of the situation. For some, it will take a week, while for others, for example, after betrayal, it will take months.

How should a man behave?

If a girl initiates a pause in the relationship, how should a man behave? What should you do: ignore him, shower him with flowers and gifts, invite him on a date? The strong half of humanity is almost always perplexed when faced with a time-out initiated by a woman.

Of course, men try to understand what girls want from them and behave according to their expectations. In order to do this, you need to understand the reasons for the pause. They are the ones who determine the line of behavior for a man.

If the temporary break was the result of some misconduct, for example, betrayal, then, without a doubt, it is necessary to make amends and try to convince the girl that what happened was an accident. Under no circumstances should a woman be left alone; it is necessary to surround her with attention and care, but at the same time not become intrusive.

If a woman tries to achieve something from a man with such behavior, then it is worth thinking about whether it is necessary to succumb to such blackmail. After all, having once achieved what she wanted through a demonstration “leaving for freedom,” the girl will definitely begin to use this method in the future.