The human ego refers to the terms of psychoanalytic theory (it is used as a basic concept that defines personality in all subsequent concepts). It is part of the internal psyche, responsible for the perception and positioning of consciousness as “I” during reflection or when interacting with reality. To better understand what a person’s ego is, it is possible through the representation of a structure that reacts to the influence of the surrounding physical world, evaluates it and plans its own activities and behavior patterns in relation to the past analysis.
The human ego is not a separate structure, but is an equal part of the psyche, where the id and superego are also present. These two categories reflect parts that are not always relevant and polar - one is about the instinctive world of animal interaction, and the other is about the fulfillment of social norms and indicators, transforming into parental control. Thus, the ego itself turns out to be a bundle of these polar entities, allowing it to carry out adequate activities and react both in social (communication, building relationships) interaction, and in the event of a physical (integrity or life) threat.
It is possible to explain what a person’s ego is in simple words by bringing it closer to self-identification, since it is this that generates the internal image of oneself and the perception and assessment of various qualities. But the ego is not objective or unambiguous, it can often be false, and then a person’s own ideas about himself can bring multiple sufferings, constantly faced with inconsistencies in the reactions of others or the assessment of the general society. Many spiritual concepts are built on the idea of giving up living on the ego, saying that this can be liberating. After all, the inner self tirelessly seeks balance with the external environment, and this is impossible to achieve due to the peculiarities of both the internal structure itself and the lack of constant demands from the external world.
A person’s ego can include in the internal image not only individuals (all psycho-physiological indicators), but also other objects (people or areas of activity, various groups). So everything that we like and value, that leads to truly important experiences, becomes part of such an inner world. Our loved ones become part of the ego, the ideas of world communities and any fan groups transform external events and objects into part of internal ones when they worry about them. It turns out that there is a comparison and identification not only according to gender, but also according to socio-cultural, value and priority indicators.
Sexuality, activity, fulfillment, identity - these are all programs that the ego is constantly trying to implement. A large percentage of idealization in both perception and demands leads to suffering and inconsistency instead of satisfaction.
The ego in psychology acts as a fundamental figure in the context of psychotherapy and for theoretical study, since access to the remaining components of the human “I” is severely limited due to the unconsciousness of the processes. At the moment, all branches of psychological science are working with the ego and trying to restore balance between the other two polarities.
Real selfishness
It is difficult to be around an egoist, because the egoist does not notice anyone except himself. It is difficult to have a conversation with him and expect a return. An egoist is one who takes everything but gives nothing. With such a person it is almost impossible to create a full-fledged family, since there is no energy exchange, but vampirism is present.
In general, God forbid you meet an egoist on your life’s path. And it’s even worse to love him! And it’s even worse to hope for a reciprocal feeling. This is simply impossible. An EGOIST ONLY LOVES HIMSELF.
When can you really be called selfish?
Men find the difference between their own and women's egoism in the fact that the stronger sex concentrates on its own goals, without giving due attention to others, and women do the same, but at the expense of others.
Experts in the field of family relations consider it necessary to have normal selfishness - to live without allowing oneself to be humiliated by a partner, to be able to say “no” in time. But after a while, the manipulative signs of a selfish girl in a relationship begin to disappoint a man who is trying to smooth out the rough edges.
The partner resists and tries to explain his position. And if on his way he actually met a selfish woman who, in a relationship with a man, does not disdain any methods of influence, the climax will be the refusal of sexual contact for failure to fulfill her desires. She will suddenly begin her period, get a headache, or need to go to bed early before an important meeting tomorrow.
Where do egoists come from?
There is a hereditary factor and, to a greater extent, a social one. As a rule, the only children in the family become selfish. Since childhood, they have been accustomed to consuming and are not accustomed to sharing and giving, since this was not necessary. Growing into adults, these people can no longer adapt to a different way. This norm of behavior has firmly settled in my head.
According to sociologists, selfishness is more characteristic of women. Perhaps somewhere deep, on a subconscious level, this love of narcissism and narcissism has crept into women. After all, a woman must find a partner for procreation, and the woman who is more attractive can find the best one. So you have to, willy-nilly, sit in front of the mirror and admire your reflection.
Of course this is a joke.
What is super ego
The human super ego became a mental new formation with the advent of society and its norms. It was the presence of common values, ethical rules and norms that formed the need for a new psychological structure that monitors compliance with all these rules. To put it simply, the super ego is beyond the “I”, i.e. that category that is designed to organize many different individuals and requires compliance with rules that are good for the majority even to the detriment of the happiness of one.
Of all the internal components related to self-perception, the superI is the last to be formed, since this requires active social interaction. This is the formation of an internal moral and ethical concept after a long period of its replacement by a parental figure. If at an early age the categories of good and evil are differentiated and their observance is monitored by parents, then this function is transferred to an internal perspective and everyone has their own parent inside.
The super ego has two levers to control human behavior.
The first comes through negativity - it is formed by parental punishments for misconduct, which later manifest themselves as conscience and shame - regulating social feelings. Animals and small children do not have such experiences, but only desires and the search for a way to achieve them. The second management option is idealization, which is formed through parental encouragement. When everyone is told how to do the right thing, described a model of an ideal person (kind, attentive, helpful, etc.) and praised for fulfilling requirements, then a connection is formed in the psyche where love and good attitude are possible only when behavior is as close as possible to the ideal. Hence the syndromes of excellent students and the desire to please everyone - this is only a mechanism for regulating social behavior.
What a super ego is can be finally understood when a person himself is able to regulate his desires, controlling surges of the id and redirecting the resulting energy towards self-realization and development. The harmonious formation of this category leads to social success, and the personality remains harmoniously developed inside - there is no need to take out hidden desires in a negative way, there is no need to lead a double life, balancing between the id and society.
Female selfishness
Here are a few signs by which you can understand that you are faced with female egoism:
- An egoist woman speaks only about herself, declares and looks after only her own interests.
- Doesn't listen attentively to what you say about yourself.
- On your birthday he gives you a photo of himself in a beautiful frame (yes, yes, no more and no less).
- He devotes a lot of time to himself and his appearance.
- With all the wealth of choice where to go, you have no options: you will go where the “selfish” commandment is, otherwise there will be trouble.
- A selfish woman is constantly dissatisfied with everything around her. The world is not ideal - not everything is under her control.
- The selfish woman blames everyone around for her troubles, but not herself, puts pressure on everyone and has a “conscience.”
- A selfish woman loves to get on her nerves; she is an energy vampire.
- An egoist often says the words “You must,” “You must.”
- She unceremoniously invades personal space and often hits where it hurts.
- She does everything to make you feel unimportant.
Psychologists advise one thing: “If you meet a selfish woman - RUN”
There is no scientifically proven way to turn a selfish woman into a full-fledged loving woman. Therefore, just avoid selfish people.
What is a person's alter ego?
A person's ego states may not always reflect what is present. There is an alter ego, which is a person or character described in a story or film that in many ways reflects the main characterological traits of the author, but is not them. It can also be a deliberately embodied image for performances and ultimately assigned to the person himself. In royal dynasties, the alter ego is used to characterize the viceroy, those to whom power was transferred during the absence, inability to make decisions, or death of the current ruler.
Also, the mention of this term refers to pathopsychological categories, when one of the multiple personalities receives significant rights and begins to control the life of the individual in decisive situations. The second variant of the name is false ego, which describes dissociative disorders or split personality. It manifests itself as a temporary splitting of a person into several persons, while one has no idea about his second parallel life and the specifications of its activity. Addictions, temperament, habits, circle of acquaintances and type of activity, differences in perception of one’s gender or age may differ. This does not apply to a special image of another person, a game or deception - this is a painful mental state that requires medication correction and psychotherapeutic direction. Such disorders can arise as a result of deep psychological trauma or acts of prolonged violence of any kind. In all cases, this is an adaptive reaction of the psyche aimed at changing one’s own personality in relation to critical conditions.
When a person’s alternative ego is caused by a disease, and not by special social orders (transfer of power, playing a role), then hospitalization is necessary. Previously, such conditions were equated to psychotic ones and were treated with medication; at the moment, psychotherapy that eliminates the consequences of violence and psychological trauma is in great demand and, most importantly, effective.
Reasonable selfishness is good for the family
I would advise reasonable, healthy selfishness to our Russian women who have a family and children.
Women are sometimes so carried away by the idea of family that they completely forget about themselves! Worries about children, about her husband, about order in the house, about dinner on the stove, about work make up 100% of a married woman’s time.
Working through each of these points and combining them together is like a squirrel running in a drum. It is extremely difficult to jump out of this movement; it has sucked in, twisted, and absorbed.
But we need to get out. You have to become an egoist woman, an egoist mother.
For yourself and your family.
Definition
Ego is a concept in psychology that represents one of three psychological entities (along with It or Super-I). This concept was first proposed by Sigmund Freud when he described the dynamics of the development of the human psyche. According to Freud, the Ego is necessary for the implementation of executive functions and represents a kind of mediator between the internal and external world of a person.
Thanks to this, a person develops continuous but consistent behavior. In this case, a personal starting point is realized, starting with those events that are preserved in memory. They relate to existing data and those events that are occurring in the present or may possibly occur in the future. The ego does not belong to either the psyche or the body. Although certain bodily sensations may manifest themselves in the process of personality formation.
Also, according to Freud’s theories, in the process of development of absolutely any individual, differentiation of the Ego begins to occur and at the same time the Super-Ego develops. This means that a person develops certain inhibitions, and the function of controlling instinctive impulses improves.
As a rule, this happens at the moment when a person begins to understand and appreciate parental as well as social standards. In the course of this, certain moral conflicts arise that are necessary for the growth of the individual.
However, even when a person reaches his physical maturity, each individual differs from the other, which is explained by the development and effectiveness of the Ego. Freud called this concept “Ego Strength.” If a person has a strong Ego, then he is more objective, better evaluates the world around him, as well as himself.
Such people plan their lives better, make decisions, never hesitate and choose the best option from alternatives. If a person has a poorly developed ego, then his behavior is more reminiscent of a child, that is, he perceives the world around him in an excessively distorted way, which is why he is not able to achieve great success. In addition, people with a weak ego are often diagnosed with neurotic syndromes.
The Ego was also considered by Carl Jung. He described this concept as a complex that contains all human consciousness related to the psyche, including the unconscious and collective unconscious. In his opinion, the Ego is awareness of one's body, existence, memory. He viewed the Ego as a complex of mental factors and described this complex as something that has a very large attractive energy, which is capable of drawing contents from the unconscious of the individual.
Later, Jacques Lacan examined this term. He described the Ego as an imaginary substance that begins to form as one passes through the so-called mirror stage. In his theory of psychoanalysis, the Ego is the opposite of the Self. At the same time, the specialist emphasized that the Ego is an imaginary part of the psyche, which is given to a person as a standard analyzer, capable of applying certain knowledge.
Many other scientists have also studied this concept. For example, some have viewed the ego as the connecting center between a person's personality and environment. Accordingly, in the process of development of the individual, the Ego begins to stand out much more and covers the surrounding world to a greater extent, and also influences the personality.
Healthy selfishness for the sake of your husband
How important is it to your husband to have a perfectly tidy home and dinner worthy of a five Michelin star restaurant? If you put it on the scale, on the one hand: a house sparkling with cleanliness, a multi-course dinner and at the same time a tired, unkempt wife in a dressing gown, because she:
- didn’t have time to change clothes because she didn’t have time for herself,
- because she prepared all this and
- then I washed the kitchen after all this... Blah blah blah...
And on the other hand: a house of average cleanliness, a modest dinner from semi-finished products, but a cheerful, flirting wife with twisted curls on her head, in a flirty apron that was not made for cooking?
What will your husband like best?
I have a strong suspicion that he will choose the second option. Of course, family hygiene is important to a man, and the path to his heart was once paved through those same five dishes for dinner. But a man does not live by bread alone! And hardly anyone can exaggerate the importance of sex for men. Therefore, a flirty apron “not for cooking” will win over steamed cutlets!
Cutlets are the prose of life. And a rested wife, full of life, is the very romance that disappears somewhere in marriage. We know where she goes - the wife is busy maintaining hygiene at home and working on a new dinner recipe, but is not at all interested in her own tired face in the mirror.
This is where the advice creeps in: “Be selfish, turn on healthy selfishness.” And not for your own sake, but for the sake of preserving love and marriage.
Reduce the speed of your housekeeping and get rid of perfectionism in the matter of cleanliness. Clean the house not to the “A+” level, but to the “B” level. This is also a good assessment. But spend the freed hours on a bath with foam and salts, on sleep, on beauty.
Everyone knows that a tired woman has low libido. Rest and boost it. You and your husband need this.
Your husband will be grateful to you for such selfishness much more than for all the starched tablecloths and polished forks.
WHAT SOFTWARE
Ego problems
Any problems of a psychological nature, ways of building life and self-realization will rest on ego issues. Instinctive mechanisms work to preserve the body, and since the ego divides everything into me and not me, an aggressive reaction occurs in any situation of dissatisfaction. Due to formed habits, upbringing or trauma, the reaction can be external or internal, and all problems begin when this is confused or carried out with excessive force.
By satisfying desires while ignoring social aspects, you can get a lot for some time, then egoistic needs can be satisfied, after which social ties begin to break down. Those who choose to serve others risk losing themselves, which will lead to neuroses, depression and even psychopathy. Any extremes are negative for the psyche, and then for the entire life structure.
The ego functions while it solves such problems; it feeds on the pleasure of its own omnipotence in resolving difficult situations. When life becomes harmonious and of high quality, the ego itself can begin to produce problems and various kinds of inconsistencies in order to get food for itself. Those who consider themselves unhappy, having resolved all unfavorable situations, will understand that now they can be happy, but this is a rather skeletal structure and it is easier to find a new problem (for example, quarrel with friends, have an accident or destroy furniture) instead of changing everything inside for a feeling of happiness person.
Another option for shortcomings is the discrepancy between the internal image and the external one. Those who consider themselves great will demand respect, even without demonstrating in any way by actions or behavior from whom they demand it. Feminine men will feel uncomfortable in a male body and either change their orientation or gender, or compensate for this by being excessively rude. Posing himself as smart and right, a person may not hear the comments of wiser people or may not understand the correction of his own article by the professor, considering his ideas to be nonsense. There are a lot of examples, but in the end the problem must be solved at the level of self-determination and ego, and not by correcting a large external space.
Children need a selfish mother
Remember how, when taking off on airplanes, they tell you about rescue measures in case of a crash: “If you are accompanied by a child, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then on the child.”
When I first noticed this phrase, I was slightly shocked. Maternal instinct demands at such a moment to forget about yourself and save the child. Then, common sense says that a parent must be capable and active precisely in order to always, at any time, protect and help. Therefore, first the mask is for myself, so that I can breathe freely and have the strength to save my child, and then for my child.
But in life we do not observe this simple law of nature.
Blind maternal love clouds women's brains so much that they do not understand the obvious thing - a child needs a psychologically healthy, calm, caring mother. And there is absolutely no need for a hysterical, twitchy mother, tired of all the troubles. In her desire to give her child the maximum possible: clubs, tutors, entertainment, the mother rushes around within a radius of 50-70 km around Moscow, turning into a squeezed lemon by the end of the day.
And as a result, the child is waiting for an exhausted fury instead of a kind mother. What kind of bedtime story is this when mom didn’t have even an hour of peace all day long?
Here’s the question: who needs this anyway?
Here, too, scales of adequacy are needed.
On the same note: the child is extremely busy, lack of free time (supposedly this is good), development is progressing by leaps and bounds (it seems), but this is accompanied by a nervous, chronically tired mother who is unable to speak calmly, but only in a raised voice, who has lost contact with the child due to lack of free time.
On the other side: the child is not very busy, he has a couple of extra classes. He spends a lot of time in a state of peace and stability with a normal, calm mother; they have pleasant conversations about what is interesting to the child, about what is going on at school.
The mother is aware of everything that is happening in the soul and in the life of her child, because the mother made a reasonable selection. Took into account my own time and my own workload. Turned on “female egoism” and turned off “maternal instinct”.
After all, a mother needs reserves in order to continue to give her child love. Children need the energy their mother gives them more than knowledge. And it often happens that knowledge is exchanged for maternal warmth.
Functions of the Ego
The main function is to check reality, to correlate one’s own ideas with what actually is (external sources, as well as one’s own fantasies and conjectures). The ego allows you to establish contact and develop other structures of the psyche, especially the volitional spectrum, since it is necessary not only to check reality, but also to draw up a plan of action or limit your own desires.
The self-determination function allows you to build a holistic image of your own state. This includes a whole set of external characteristics, so detailed that others may not even guess (the mental structure stores a memory of every millimeter of the body and constantly compares the presence of changes and the nature of their introduction). Also, self-determination constantly monitors and creates a psychological image, where there are habits and character, preferences, goals and approximate answers about who and what I am.
The function of socialization is manifested in the search for one’s place not only from the internal perspective of desires, but also in relation to the social situation. It raises issues of leadership, preferences for joint or solo work, the need for a family, as well as ways to form it. If the self-determination function helps a person understand who he is, then the social function helps him understand who he is in relation to others, and what place he occupies. Along with the social one, there is always the function of adaptation, which corrects behavior by how much to narrow one’s desires and how to still realize the truly important needs without losing social support.
The more social interaction, the greater the need for the ability to establish psychological defenses. If we are not talking about physical safety, then all other boundaries are formed by the ego. It is this structure that helps to avoid new psychological trauma, get away from excessive stress, and establish harmonious rather than depleting relationships by choosing the right distance. The better the protective function of the ego is developed, the more often the person checks the world for its satisfaction of his own security and development opportunities. Here fantasies about how you want and how good it will be turn on, simultaneously performing both a calming and planning function.
Creating an ideal image (not static, but changing as a result of new information received or experience gained) which is a goal-setting factor. This is a function of forming a life path with the desire to correspond to the internal image. The ego always takes full responsibility upon itself, expanding or narrowing contact with the outside, realizing its needs and all the time, relating it to reality. We can say that this is the main controlling element of the psyche, because The id obeys subconscious impulses.
Forms of manifestations
Ego is a rather complex but important concept in psychology. There are several forms of manifestation of this part of the personality, which allow us to determine how much influence the Ego has on a person.
| Form of manifestation of the Ego | Description |
| A person always knows everything himself | It is extremely difficult for an individual to admit that he does not know something. He tries to voice answers to any questions, even if they are completely illogical and incorrect. A person refuses to listen to other people’s opinions and does not follow the advice of family and friends. |
| There is a desire to prove your worth | Excessive manifestation of the Ego is observed if a person begins to reach the point of fanaticism in the desire to win various competitions and competitions. However, if we are talking about a child whose room is filled with certificates, cups and medals, then perhaps we are not talking about his Ego, but about an attempt at self-realization through the child of his parents. |
| A person achieves something, but stops moving forward | When a person does some significant act in life and after that lives only with memories and constant stories about it. |
Negative influences
In addition to the positive aspects, the Ego also has disadvantages. Since we are still talking about a rather distorted conceit (albeit for the better), sometimes this part of the personality can develop too much. For example, if a person is not able to objectively look at himself and his actions, then he will not be able to begin to make adequate decisions.
In this case, he actually begins to fixate on his Ego. Exaggerating your capabilities can lead to serious consequences. That is, in fact, we are talking about too much self-deception, which can destroy your whole life.
Many writers and experts view the Ego exclusively from the negative side, as an internal enemy with which a person fights throughout his life and he can only win if he overcomes his ego. It seems that only in this situation can one obtain the necessary wisdom in life. However, this is fundamentally wrong, since the Ego cannot be associated with pride, narcissism, vanity and other vices characteristic of man. Although sometimes these concepts are too close to each other.
Ego in psychology
If the Ego leads to selfishness, then the person becomes insatiable, demands too much from others and does not consider that he should do anything in return. This happens exclusively in situations where a person is not able to realize his inner self. An individual can be selfish and stubborn in his desires or even whims. This happens if he does not understand the difference between conceit, objectivity and real life.
Such cases are extremely rare. In such situations, a person completely concentrates only on his opinion, so as not to fall into psychological discomfort. That is, the problem lies in elementary ignorance and misunderstanding of oneself.
This negative side of the ego is most often encountered by illiterate young people who have not yet learned to navigate society. If the Ego turns from dreams and goals into an illusion that a person imposes on himself, then this leads to the fact that he begins to turn a blind eye to his mistakes, without drawing any conclusions at all.
