The Oedipus complex is a mental disorder, which is characterized by the presence of a number of impulses that are uncontrollable and unconscious in relation to their parents.
A boy usually develops a dislike for his own father, which develops against the background of developing love or sexual impulses towards his mother
Sigmund Freud gave this name to this deviation, using the myth of Oedipus, who killed his father and married his mother.
The theories put forward by Sigmund Freud have undergone certain changes in modern practice. Today, experts believe that the Oedipus complex is not considered a universal deviation, a certain stage of which is typical for representatives of all cultures: the biological factor is rejected in favor of social components.
In addition, many experts do not agree with the possibility of such a deviation in girls, so for such cases a term was introduced - the Electra complex, in which a girl is attracted to her father and rejects her mother.
He uses your mother as an example
For example, he says: “Mom doesn’t cook like that,” “But mom’s was different.” Thus, his mother “settles” in your relationship, becomes an invisible witness and judge of all your actions and deeds. For him, his mother is an ideal.
Of course, there are wonderful mothers who take care of their children. But this does not mean that their behavior is the only correct one. For example, the same borscht can be cooked in a thousand different ways - and all borschts will be delicious.
Unfortunately, through their care, mothers often form in their children the wrong idea about their role in their lives. For example, when they are assured: “You will have no one closer to me.”
Modern psychoanalysis
Modern experts for the most part agree that there is a connection between the Oedipus complex and the psychosexual development of a person. At the same time, a number of aspects of the classical theory put forward by Freud were still revised. The disagreement is mainly related to the possibility of developing such a deviation in girls, as well as the universality of this pathology and its biological component.
Recommendations for parents
A common mistake that many fathers make is to be too soft if they notice fear or a negative attitude on the part of their son. Such a reaction leads to a feeling of permissiveness and can be subconsciously regarded by the child as a sign of weakness.
In addition, the child’s psyche may not be able to withstand the heavy burden of responsibility and lead to an awareness of feelings of false guilt. The child will miss the manifestation of masculine character traits on the part of the father, and without this it will be impossible to cultivate masculinity and develop a character of the appropriate type.
This also applies to the mother, who may have certain problems in her relationship with her daughter. She must be able to show the strength of her character at the right moment, which will not allow a feeling of permissiveness to arise. When communicating and raising a son, it is important to maintain the right balance: you should not be afraid to show your love for your husband, but at the same time you need to pay due attention to the child and at the same time not highlight him against the father, which can lead to an incorrect understanding of roles within the family.
As practice shows, in most cases there is no equality in the family, since one of the parents always shows a certain leniency towards a child of the opposite sex. At the same time, the relationship between them is much simpler, which is explained by the lack of competition that arises between father and son or mother and daughter.
Below are some recommendations from experts that will make your relationship with your children easier and stronger:
- The period of experiencing the Oedipus complex is difficult not only for parents, but also for children. The child at this stage needs help and communication, which will allow him to understand that the mother or father is not exclusively his property.
- The child needs to be reassured; this will happen if he realizes that his parents know his problem, but they are not angry with him for it, but want to help.
- It is necessary to explain the roles within the family and the meaning of marriage. The knowledge that he will grow up and find himself a wife who will suit his age will ease his mental state.
- Parents should not allow their child to interfere in adult conversations, but this should be done gently.
- The child must be protected from observing sexual scenes or violent manifestations of emotions.
- You should not be rude towards any of the parents.
Is your relationship with a “mama’s boy” doomed?
In my opinion, in 80% of cases - yes. This is obviously a losing story. Because the relationship between son and mother has been formed over many years, and you appeared in his life relatively recently.
At the age of 13-14, the connection with parents should gradually become thinner. At this age, a teenager learns to be independent. However, if for some reason this did not happen, then it will be extremely difficult to break the connection between the man and his mother. Therefore, if you see that a man is highly dependent on his mother, you should discuss with him the concerns that you have.
This does not mean that you should claim your man the same way you would claim property, completely eliminating his mother from his life. This also does not mean that you need to prohibit him from seeing her and helping her... All this is normal. Simply communicating with your mother should not harm your relationship.
Variations of the Oedipus complex
Today, many specialists in the field of psychoanalysis have changed their attitude towards the Oedipus complex, and they have introduced a number of their own elements into it, all of which will be discussed in more detail below.
Carl Gustav Jung
Jung repeatedly stated that the Oedipus complex, which was described in Freud's classical theory, could not be applied to describe a similar condition observed in girls. Freud believed that the deviation he described explained the homosexual attraction of girls to their own mothers, but Jung introduced a fundamentally new Electra complex, according to which girls are attracted to their fathers and do not perceive their mother.
Alfred Adler
Alfred Adler greatly developed Freud's theory regarding this disorder, pointing out that it did not take into account the influence of brothers or sisters on the development of pathology.
He made serious adjustments, using the terminology and basic concepts of his own school to describe the classic version of the Oedipus complex.
He considered spoiledness to be the main reason for such deviations, and the desire to take his father’s place was only one of its manifestations. He considered sexual attraction a secondary factor that arises due to rapid maturation and provocations from maternal caresses.
Erich Fromm
Erich Fromm agrees with Freud's statements on most issues related to this deviation. He offers only minor adjustments, believing that the child does not strive to take the place of the father, but becomes overly attached to the parents who protect him, while he is capable of experiencing attraction not only to the mother, and it is not in all cases of a sexual nature.
Conflicts that arise with the father are considered by Fromm exclusively as by-products of a patriarchal society, since every father considers the child to be his property. Considering this specific nature of the conflict, it cannot be associated with sexual competition for a place near the mother, since it is a manifestation of the desire to gain personal freedom and independence.
Melanie Klein
The Oedipus complex, according to Klein, is an attempt by Sigmund to minimize the importance of the mother in the process of forming the child’s personality and character. In addition, she actively criticized Freud for choosing a boy as the proposed model.
One of Klein's main conclusions is that it is possible to observe similar deviations in the relationship between child and parent even at an earlier stage. The reason for this is the negative mental state that the child experiences due to the cessation of breastfeeding. In her opinion, the development of basic cognitive abilities occurs at the age of 7 months, it is during this period of development that the child understands that the mother and her breasts do not belong to him, and he must share these objects with other people.
Otto Rank
Otto Rank disagreed with Sigmund's position on a number of aspects, in particular, he rejected the relationship between the development of the superego and the father's castration threats.
He believed that this process is largely influenced by the image of a strict mother, which is a product of the child’s false perception of reality.
He also believed that the cause of most of the manifestations of nervousness is the trauma of birth, which occurs after rejection from the mother's womb. In many ways, Rank agreed with Fromm, in particular in his assumptions that there is no sexual competition between father and son.
Karen Horney
Karen Horney viewed the Oedipus complex in a completely different way and actively criticized Freud's classical theory. Her assumption was that the occurrence of such a deviation occurs solely due to processes occurring within the family and errors in upbringing.
First of all, they lie in the fact that the child may witness various scenes of a sexual nature or experience pressure from the mother, who is trying to tie him to herself.
That also happens
'Alexandra has arrived
.‘‘
About grandmothers.
A woman I know, she is already over 60. She looks great for her age, so calling her a grandmother would be hard to come by. She has a good reputation, her mother was a teacher at the institute, the family is in good standing. And this same woman lets her 6-year-old grandson touch and stroke her breasts at night. The boy runs to his grandmother and demands to “smoke” his chest. Grandma approves, doesn’t even object, she says it’s hard for him to fall asleep. But he does this with genuine interest. When grandma is not at home, she falls asleep quite normally on her own. Anastasia. 29 years
Criticism of the phenomenon
A number of experts believe that today there is no reliable data that can confirm the presence of the Oedipus complex. A more radical view is to deny the existence of scientific methods that could cope with such a task. Many of the supporters of this idea believe that Freud's classical theory is a product of subjective introspection, and not the result of work with patients, and therefore it is only an unproven hypothesis.
Criticism of child sexuality
Many experts question a child’s ability to experience sexual desire, since testosterone and other sex hormones are produced in minimal quantities in childhood. However, supporters of Sigmund Freud's theories do not agree with such criticism, since they believe that puberty is characterized not only by the formation of the genital organs and the production of corresponding hormones, but also by the organization of certain psychological structures.
Universality debate
As mentioned earlier, a number of experts reject the universality of this deviation and its biological component. In particular, Bronislaw Malinowski conducted a series of studies that proved the absence of such pathology in some wild tribes. However, some experts, for example, Geza Roheim, believe that he was able to prove the opposite hypothesis, indicating the universality of the Oedipus complex.
Criticism in the context of schizoanalysis
Schizoanalysis was developed in the early 70s of the last century and is one of the areas of poststructuralism. Its supporters completely reject the Oedipus complex, considering it one of the most striking repressive symbols of the capitalist system. The main complaint is that this deviation is limited to the family framework, which does not give it the opportunity to explain more complex processes occurring in society. Proponents of this trend recognize psychoanalysis as a whole as an ineffective method of treating mental illness or as a tool for explaining the most complex processes affecting society.
Feminist criticism
Supporters of feminist ideas also disagree with classical Freudian theories; the main object of criticism is the consideration of the process of the emergence of the Oedipus complex among girls.
Representatives of this trend call envy of the male genital organ nothing more than a product of a patriarchal society that seeks to demonstrate the inferiority of women. Kate Millett has repeatedly stated that Freud's ideas, as well as the ways of their practical implementation, are aimed at the oppression of women, therefore he is considered nothing more than an oppressor, and not an independent specialist.
Many feminist supporters also point out that Freud's theory is implausible, since girls are not capable of feeling envy of a male sexual organ, since they have never owned one.
