Man is a very complex, multifaceted creature and therefore it is very difficult to create some kind of “complete” description of him, a “complete” model, most likely almost impossible. But at the same time, sometimes it is useful to simply take a certain image, a metaphor and, with its help, try to imagine some part of life. For example, one way to describe our life, our behavior is to introduce the concept of Role. A role is something we play; it seems to have its own purpose, its own direction. On the one hand, this is very convenient: the role has a more or less suitable set of behavior options for many situations. More precisely, a Role is a template by which behavior in a given situation is built. Plus, the Role is not us. And the mistakes made during execution are not our mistakes. It's Role's fault. The problem with the Role is its narrow focus and, very often, lack of flexibility and isolation. Usually, the developments and achievements of one Role are not available to another. One more thing: an ordinary person is used to playing 3-4 roles. A good actor has 7-9 types in his repertoire. But a very big plus of Raleigh is that they are well known. Their sets of rules of behavior and goals are regularly told by friends and acquaintances, discussed in the press and shown on television. A huge number of writers have devoted themselves to describing the most common Roles and their conflicts with each other. (As you understand, some Roles are written down that they absolutely cannot stand some other Roles). So, we can say that a Role is a template.
And I want to immediately note that I personally do not think that the Role is something bad and wrong. This is a very convenient thing, the only question is to learn how to use it with maximum efficiency.
And like any template, it has its advantages and disadvantages. And I am in no way suggesting that we abandon Roles (if such a thing is even possible).
The only question is who controls whom: you are Role or she is you.
Who we are and how we define ourselves
Each of us fills our own lives with a certain content, based on values and worldview.
Some people need a grandiose super task that would make their existence conscious, others stopped asking philosophical questions in their youth, having come to terms with the fact that they are too complex. But everyone seeks and finds the meaning of life: in religion, philosophy, profession or relationships. Many people define themselves through the roles they play in society. When such a person is asked “Who are you?”, he answers: “I am the boss”, “I am the husband”, “I am a single mother”, as if he does not think of himself as anyone or anything else. And it would seem – what’s special? A mother, a wife or a leader are still completely socially acceptable ways of expressing oneself...
But what if tomorrow such a person will not be a boss, or a mother, or a wife? The children will leave, the company will go bankrupt, and the husband will leave for another? What's left?
But all these things are possible, and many are even inevitable. The most common situation is the departure of mature children, when it turns out that all this time the mother and father were only concerned with them, seeing themselves exclusively as parents. It seems to them that their life is ruined, and they begin to accuse their children of ingratitude. And no one is to blame. They themselves upset the balance by making their parenting functions more important than themselves.
Types of social roles
There are several classifications of social roles. Let's look at some of them.
By type of social relations
- Professional roles are associated with a person’s status and his professional activities. Such roles are characterized by depersonalization and independence from the performer (salesman, builder, teacher, driver).
- Socio-political roles - political leader, authoritative person, citizen.
- Family and household roles - husband, wife, daughter, son, father, mother.
- Situational roles - arise within the framework of changing circumstances, during joint activities (passenger, pedestrian, spectator).
By type of social values
- Represented social roles are the expectations of a person and members of his social group.
- Subjective social roles are a person’s ideas about his relationship to other people.
- The social roles played are behavioral attitudes that depend on a person’s position in society.
By type of role received
- Social roles prescribed by a public institution (woman - mother, daughter, wife, grandmother).
- Conventional social roles are the result of the adoption of a social agreement on a voluntary basis (professional).
Balance is the basis of everything
Something similar can happen with any role. But this does not mean that you need to avoid them. Moreover, it’s unlikely that you won’t be able to avoid trying them on yourself at all. Our whole life consists of roles; we constantly enter into relationships with others, performing certain functions. And in fact, the more there are, the more fulfilling the life and the more stable the psychological state.
If, for example, you are a wife, a mother, a successful worker, a member of an embroidery club, and are also into sports, then you have five roles at once, giving you a healthy sense of your own importance and a certain place in life. In addition, a large number of roles provides some guarantee of stability - since it is unlikely that they will all disappear at the same time. After all, a person, having lost support in one area, can at least rely on others.
As with everything, balance is important here. There is nothing wrong with roles if you understand what is happening, realize what you are trying on and why, remember your purpose and live for it, remaining in the center of what is happening. But often the meaning of a person’s life is determined by roles with which he completely merges and no longer thinks of himself in any other way. Dissolving into the image of an exemplary wife or a caring father, we do not know ourselves, we do not know how to be ourselves and with ourselves. And when something changes, disaster occurs. We become defenseless and feel a huge inner emptiness.
And if you enjoy the game, but are able to live without it, then you are the master of the situation. And here we come to what position to act from.
It is important to distinguish yourself from the role, understand and remember your interests, your essence. To do this, you need to study yourself, be interested in yourself.
Definition of the concept of social role
A social role is a dynamic characteristic of a social position, which is expressed in a set of behavior patterns.
Those, in turn, are consistent with social expectations, which are set by special norms addressed from the corresponding group to a person with a certain social position. We can shorten this definition a little:
Social role is a set of expectations that society places on people when they occupy certain social positions in the hierarchy.
The same person can have different roles. For example, in the family there is a mother or father, and at work there is a boss or a subordinate.
The more roles one person has, the more interesting and rich his life.
The concept of social role can be divided into the following elements:
- behavioral reactions - actions, speech, deeds;
- appearance - a doctor must wear a robe, a policeman must wear a uniform;
- human motivation - members of a social group approve or disapprove of a person’s actions and actions based on his motivation.
Who am I?
First, try to answer the question: “What roles do I play?” You can write them in a list, highlighting the most important ones. What are your roles - tragic, dramatic, maybe comic? Who do you interact with and what do you get from participating in the process? Do you like your features?
And then try to imagine: “What will happen if my roles are removed? Who will I be then?
And ask the most important question: “Are they helping me realize the true meaning of my life?” And to answer, you need to know what it is.
Maybe you inspire people or help them? Do you know how to listen or, on the contrary, tell? This is not necessarily related to talents, maybe these are some of your qualities, characteristics - but not social obligations, not roles, but something more. The most important thing is the relationship with yourself, and no one will answer the question “who am I?” better than yourself.
Sometimes psychological problems prevent us from hearing our own inner voice. And then special methods can help, one of which I will describe below.
Practice to help you understand your purpose
It was proposed by Robert Dilts, a consultant and trainer who has developed many techniques for changing beliefs and modeling thinking. According to Robert Dilts, there are three things that prevent us from seeing our own purpose:
The past that is behind you and holds you.
In Robert Dilts' terminology it is called a demon. Sometimes someone turns around and sees their own parents as a demon.
An obstacle that stands in front of you and obscures your goals.
It may look like a wall or fence. And you, even knowing that there is meaning, do not see it.
What prevents you from moving and dealing with the first and second are wounds, psychological traumas that you have accumulated throughout your life
, and which became your experience. These injuries can be found localized in some place. In the abdominal area there is a bio-survival trauma, in the heart area there is an emotional trauma, in the head area there is a cognitive trauma.
You can work with these obstacles in the following way.
You turn into the past to the demon and say the following: “I accept your existence, you exist! I accept you and recognize your right to exist, I will not encroach on it.” Then say, “I appreciate you! I understand that for some reason you appeared in my life.” Afterwards, you need to bow from the waist (by the way, almost all of Bert Hellinger’s therapy is based on this). As a result, the demon often simply disappears, and you feel as if goosebumps are running through your body.
Then turn forward and find an obstacle ahead. By this point it may become smaller. And say: “I accept you, an obstacle, and, moreover, I understand that I personally have closed the meaning from myself. I thank you, obstacle." And you also make a bow from the waist.
And the last thing is the wound. Place your hands in front of you and ask them to rest on the wound that most prevents you from bringing content into your life. Watch where your hands fall. And ask yourself: “If I knew and could, and I know and can, what would I need to bring to this trauma to make it easier - courage, love, confidence, nobility? What resource will help me solve this problem and get things moving?” Then raise your hands and ask for that resource that you really should have received a long time ago that will help you move past this trauma and heal mentally.
When you feel the warmth or image of a resource on your hands, pay attention to the following - has meaning emerged? It can have a clear size, shape, and place in the body. And now you can insert it with your hands into the place of the body where there was an injury before. Then take a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the thoughts that come to you regarding the direction of your life. If you do the practice correctly, you will be very inspired by the answers you receive.
How to determine your position
This is quite easy to do. It is enough to try to “fit” yourself into the system of relations with society. Remember that the concept begins where the specific responsibilities are present:
- Children are required to obey their parents, and adults are required to help children.
- A pedestrian should take into account traffic signals and walk on the pedestrian area, and the driver should follow the traffic rules set forth by law.
- The student is required to attend lectures, pass sessions and behave correctly in class.
- A friend is expected to provide support and share hobbies and interests.
Due to the diversity of roles, an individual must constantly change his own behavior model. So, a professor at the university should be strict and all-knowing, and when he comes home and turns into a spouse and father, he shows care and love. These requirements are contradictory and it is often difficult for many to 100% comply with their positions.
Summary
Each of us has our own purpose in life, for which we came into this world, and its fulfillment fills us with great happiness. And in order to find it, you must first find, love and accept yourself.
If you've been pushing yourself into the background your entire life, it's time to change that. In addition to the described practice, there are many ways to do this - psychological work, trainings, courses, constellations, astrology. It doesn't matter what you choose, the main thing is to try and get started.
This is a very interesting process - extracting yourself from yourself. You have a lot of interesting things ahead, I even envy you a little. Good luck!
Vadim Kurkin
