Dependence on public opinion is a factor that destroys personality: we overcome self-doubt
People have always cared about the opinions of others. Previously, they tried to dress up and stand out in order to emphasize their status, but now everything is much more complicated. Social media forces us to look at how others live. And it seems to us that they live much better than us. Therefore, people seem to compete in pictures of life: food, vacation, family, relationships, travel.
We don’t want to lose face and start creating a beautiful picture, chasing an image. As a result, we try to seem, not to be.
And all these actions are related to public opinion. We want others to see that we are no worse, we are the same (and maybe even better). But is it? Does it bring happiness and satisfaction?
Often not, because there will always be those who are better and those who are worse.
How to cope with dependence on other people's opinions:
- We must admit: no one cares about someone else’s life. Basically, everything we do, we do to prove our importance or success, first of all, to ourselves. Each person is busy with his own affairs.
- Secondly, successful people are more likely to evoke envy and negative emotions than positive ones. This is how people are made.
- Don't be afraid of other people's opinions. Do you want to give up going to a corporate party, but are you afraid of offending people? The sad (or perhaps not so sad) truth is that your colleagues probably won’t care.
Stay true to yourself and your interests. Do what you think is necessary and what makes you comfortable.
Psychological methods
Low self-esteem leads to doubts. By spending time constantly thinking, people lose chances that could completely change their lives. The strangest thing is that most people with low self-esteem are well aware of their mistakes. It would seem that this should spur them to completely change their behavior. But in reality, everything turns out to be exactly the opposite. The reason is that such people are too accustomed to the fact that nothing works out for them.
It is much easier to immediately give up on completing a task than to try to do it. People with low self-esteem at a certain stage in their lives begin to convince themselves that they cannot cope with the task. The worst thing is that they begin to get used to this model of behavior and it becomes the most convenient for them.
They are too afraid of a negative reaction from society to take action. It is easier for such people not to get down to business than to fail and listen to a lot of negative comments from society. Fear turns out to be stronger than the desire to succeed. Ultimately, they simply don't take on the task and convince themselves that they couldn't handle it anyway.
The constant fear of being ridiculed and the desire to break out of the vicious circle depresses them. This can lead to health problems. Often people with low self-esteem complain of poor health and frequent depression. They themselves do not realize what an abyss they are leading themselves to. This attitude leads to the fact that very soon such people do not decide to take on even the simplest tasks. Everything seems like an impossible task to them. They completely lose faith in themselves and become completely disillusioned with life.
But don’t despair and think that poor self-esteem is a death sentence. This problem can and should be worked on. You need to start fixing the problem before it's too late. In order to increase self-esteem, you need to take this matter seriously. First of all, the interest of the person himself is necessary, otherwise the attempt will not be successful.
Increasing self-esteem is a labor-intensive process that requires serious effort. A person needs to believe in himself again and cast aside all doubts, even if it is very difficult. Today, there are many trainings and techniques available in the world that can increase self-esteem. Anyone can talk to a specialist, where they will listen to their problem and try to help. The main thing is to cast aside doubts and get down to business seriously.
All methods differ from each other, but the main advice of psychologists is to necessarily get rid of comparisons. You should stop comparing yourself to others if you want to improve your self-esteem. A stranger always seems self-confident and ideal, but in almost all cases, this is not at all the case. You should not focus on others, trying to improve yourself or, even worse, find your shortcomings. You only need to focus on your own desires and goals.
There will always be a person who turns out to be more beautiful, smarter, more persistent and more successful. Don't try to fit yourself to someone else's standards. You need to set clear goals for yourself and start implementing them.
Psychologists also advise stopping torturing yourself. Many people with low self-esteem are prone to self-blame. They look for all their shortcomings and mistakes, after which they reproach themselves for them for the rest of their lives. This will not lead to positive results, but will only worsen the situation. You do learn from mistakes, but you shouldn’t kill yourself for the slightest mistakes.
Blaming yourself for the troubles and failures you have experienced will never increase your self-esteem. The situation will only get worse. Try to be more loyal to yourself. Love yourself and accept your flaws as they are. You shouldn't hurt yourself because you couldn't achieve something. Try to treat yourself with love and respect. Only after you begin to respect yourself will others begin to treat you better.
Also, don't underestimate yourself. If someone starts praising you, don't think that he wants to laugh at you. Say “thank you” and remember that you deserve the praise. You are no worse than the rest, and you are truly capable of much. You should not reduce your merits and reduce your merits. No one else knows what you are capable of except you.
People with low self-esteem cannot appreciate their own qualities. They do not accept praise and believe that they do not deserve encouragement. If you want to increase your self-esteem, start praising yourself. When you return home after a hard day at work, remember what good and useful things you did today. Evaluate yourself, this will help you become confident in your own abilities.
If you are trying to increase your self-esteem, you should not avoid books and trainings on similar topics. You can listen to other people's stories, share their experiences and hear their advice. The situation always seems simpler from the outside. Perhaps hearing a stranger's story can help you solve your own problems. You will immediately understand how easy it is to cope with difficulties and believe in your own capabilities.
Try to avoid cruel and rude people who are indifferent to other people's problems. Perhaps your problem is that all your life you have encountered only such people. You shouldn't take their opinion seriously. Such people are never tolerant of other people's problems and will not help you with a kind word. The worst solution would be to try to prove your own strength to them. You don't need this. There is no need to prove anything to others. Prove this to yourself and you will see how dramatically your life will change.
Give preference to kind and confident people. Such people will treat you with warmth, always support you with a kind word and will never leave you in a difficult situation. Communication with them will give you strength and give you the opportunity to believe in yourself. Try to get rid of all the negativity that exists in your life. A positive attitude will help you look at life with different eyes.
Negative people can significantly suppress those around them, which has a detrimental effect on those around them. You should get rid of such communication, otherwise you risk further deteriorating your self-esteem.
Try to remember all your successes, starting from the very beginning. Remember even the smallest ones. They will help you improve your self-esteem. Return to that feeling of joy that you experienced when you won. For best effect, take a piece of paper and write them all down. This will help you not to miss important points. Re-read the list regularly, increasing your self-esteem. Recognizing your own positive qualities will help you in the difficult process of increasing self-esteem.
Don't think only about yourself. Try to think about those around you and do not perceive them as enemies. Remember, no one knows what problems you have in your soul. People may not even realize that you are a deeply insecure person. Try to get closer to others and help them in difficulties. You will make new friends and begin to realize your own importance. People with low self-esteem simply need to feel this. This will make you realize that you are the right person.
Try to change your occupation if it does not bring you pleasure. Do what you do best. If you do something you enjoy, you will feel energized, which will lead to increased self-esteem. If you are unable to change jobs, find a hobby. You should like it, perhaps you have dreamed of doing this all your life. Do not pay attention to those around you who may begin to dissuade you from such an idea. You are capable of making decisions yourself. The most important thing is that these trials give you joy and happiness.
So how can you improve your self-esteem? The main advice from psychologists is this: do not look at others and do not try to arouse their admiration. There will always be someone who is dissatisfied with you. Live for yourself, enjoy your life and make yourself love it. Don't make decisions trying to please someone. Believe me, this will not bring you good results. You should listen only to your own heart, and not to those around you.
Take action. Self-esteem will not increase on its own. You will never achieve the results you want if you don't take action. Don't be afraid to change your life and take on new things. You will definitely achieve success if you try. If you don't make an effort, you risk completely losing yourself.
How to become more self-confident - practical exercises
Try to make a list of your achievements and successes. Graduated from university or college, got the desired education or job? Put it on the list. Do you know a foreign language? This is wonderful. Are you proud to become a mother? Be sure to record this. Then hang this list in a visible place and re-read it regularly.
Similarly, you can record your daily achievements.
Try to find the reason for your low self-esteem. It's like with diseases. You can reduce the symptoms, but the virus will remain and will again and again poison a person’s life.
How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem
Many people do something they don’t like, go to work as if it’s hard labor and dream that the day will end as soon as possible. And all because we do not approach the choice of profession properly.
People are not used to spending enough time searching for something “their own.” Their search probably ended at school. Do you like math? Apply to become an engineer. They don’t even think that they can change jobs and professions throughout their lives.
Due to dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with oneself also increases. Due to the fact that a person feels as if he has achieved nothing and is not capable of anything, his self-esteem drops.
In this case, you need to highlight several areas of interest, study them and try yourself until you find your calling.
Self-esteem and professional activity are closely related. People feel more confident when they achieve some results and enjoy their activities.
Psychological characteristics of a person with low self-esteem
So what distinguishes a person with low self-esteem? What difficulties does he face in life? What features characterize his behavior and actions?
A person with low self-esteem is characterized by self-doubt, isolation and indecisiveness. He is focused on his shortcomings, is well aware of his negative characteristics, while he knows practically nothing about his positive qualities and merits. He constantly complains about life and feels helpless. On the one hand, he feels it is impossible to change himself and his life for the better, and on the other, he is terribly afraid of any changes. A person with low self-esteem reacts inadequately to any criticism and feels humiliated or ashamed.
How a person treats himself, how he evaluates himself, largely determines how other people will treat him. A person feels that he is not good enough, and then, when he gets into a relationship, he is content with little, believes that he does not deserve something more, feels strongly dependent on his partner, and is not capable of building equal, harmonious relationships with other people. He is also inclined to justify other people, forgive them mistakes, while being critical of his own failures and fixated on his shortcomings. A person with low self-esteem is prone to self-blame. He constantly criticizes himself, focuses on his defeats, blames himself for the mistakes of the past, cannot forgive himself (I wrote about feelings of guilt in the article “Feelings of guilt: how to forgive yourself?”
) .
People with low self-esteem are often lonely, feel alienated from society, and lack of self-confidence prevents them from building interpersonal relationships and making new acquaintances.
Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today
Answer the following few questions. If the answer to most of them is positive, then it’s time to start working on yourself and change your attitude towards yourself. Go.
- Do you compare yourself to other people and always lose?
- Are you jealous of other people?
- Do you often complain about life and feel sorry for yourself?
- Do you live in the past, cherishing good moments, or yearning for missed opportunities?
- Do you feel like your loved ones don’t value you or your work?
- Are you experiencing difficulties in romantic relationships?
- Are you afraid to meet people and think that you are not worthy of true love?
- Constantly wondering what others will think?
- Do you find it difficult to make decisions, do you always doubt whether you are making the right choice?
- Is it hard for you to refuse people their requests?
If most of these questions seem crazy to you, then your self-esteem is fine. And if you see yourself in them, then you understand perfectly well how much this poisons life, and that it’s time to change it.
Formation of personal self-esteem
The structure of self-esteem formation can be considered as a component of personal development, which includes two components: cognitive and emotional, working in inextricable unity. The cognitive component reflects the individual’s knowledge about himself to varying degrees of generalization and expression, the emotional component is the attitude towards himself, the so-called accumulating “attitude towards himself.” After all, an individual acquires any knowledge about his own personality only in a social context. Then this knowledge inevitably becomes overgrown with emotions.
The formation of a person’s self-esteem occurs under the influence of several interrelated factors, which include communication interaction with the surrounding society, the active activity of the individual, self-observation and self-control. A person, carrying out any form of activity, invariably finds himself in situations in which he is forced to develop his attitude to actions and deeds, behavior in general, evaluate his own skills and abilities to produce something, and demonstrate various aspects of his personality.
There is no specific type of activity that will have a greater or lesser impact on the formation of positive self-esteem. However, we can still conclude that a significant impact on the development of self-esteem (adequate or inadequate) is exerted by activities that become leading at a specific stage of an individual’s life. For example, the conditions for developing self-esteem in children or adolescents lie in educational activities and everything that is interconnected with it. For older individuals, work activity often becomes the main condition for developing adequate self-esteem. However, at the same time, for all individuals the role of a single condition is purely individual. Since professional activities or studies do not always bring satisfaction, they can often even act as a source of stress, negative experiences and uncertainty. Therefore, in order to assert oneself and increase self-confidence, in addition to educational or work activities, there are many other activities, such as hobbies.
An important characteristic of a mature personality is the emergence of differentiated self-esteem. This means that an individual is able to reasonably assess his own potential depending on the field of activity, he can sensibly accept both his strong and weak traits, and is not upset when something is discovered beyond the boundaries of his understanding
The formation of self-esteem plays a vital role in the development of personality. It determines the development of the level of aspirations of the individual, the level of confidence and uncertainty, which affects the success of the individual in life and the self-sufficiency of the individual as a whole. Therefore, the role of self-esteem in the formation of personality is quite difficult to overestimate.
How to increase self-esteem and attract success
Stable adequate self-esteem is important for achieving success. Imagine: two people come for an interview at a company. They are asked to solve a problem. One demonstrates his confidence that he knows how to deal with it. His facial expressions, gaze, body language simply scream confidence. The other person also knows how to solve the problem, but he stands quietly, calmly, slightly hunched over.
Who do you think will be offered the job?
Uncertainty is like a signal to others. If a person is not confident in himself and his skills, then there are probably reasons for this? After all, who knows him better than himself? Why should we choose it?
This opinion is quite controversial, but some people really think so. Therefore, the first step towards success in any field is gaining self-confidence. We wrote about the methods a little higher.
About what self-esteem is
There is adequate self-esteem when I evaluate myself more or less objectively. But here the question arises: what is objective and in whose opinion? In one society I’m incredibly smart, but in another, well, we’ve met smarter ones. Self-esteem that causes little trouble is called stable; it does not change due to criticism, but there is also, on the contrary, unstable.
There is low and high self-esteem . Most often, people come to psychologists with an underestimated or when it seems that it is underestimated. There is also a story about flexibility and rigidity , when a person can or cannot rebuild his self-esteem.
There is self-esteem, and there is self-worth , and it is deeper. It helps you to be a unique person with all your characteristics and allows you to develop, but not for the approval of society, but for yourself.
How to increase your child's self-esteem
Most parents still realize the importance of adequate self-esteem and think about how to instill confidence in their child from childhood. What is needed for this:
- Give the child the right to choose. Let him decide what to wear outside or what to play with.
- Allow your child to have his own point of view, even if you disagree. Teach him to analyze
- Under no circumstances should you compare your child with other children.
- Allow your child to do something important. This way he will feel his importance in the world.
- Always support your child. Even if he failed, praise is the best incentive to move on.
- Don't criticize your child
- Teach your child to accept victories and defeats correctly
- Learn to express your emotions
Achieving success and forgetting about failures
How can you achieve success if you are haunted by complexes and self-doubt? To begin, clearly decide what you need. Set yourself clear goals. Try to draw a clear picture in your mind. You must see yourself as you want to be. Think through everything down to the smallest detail. You will have something to strive for, and this will make the process much easier.
Love yourself and talk about it. Look in the mirror and try to comprehend the positive aspects of your appearance. She may differ from beauty standards, however, this does not mean that you should despair. You need to love your strengths and forget about your shortcomings.
Don't forget to record your progress. If you feel bad, re-read them. This will help you get into the right frame of mind. Even if you experience failure, do not despair. Every person can have ups and downs, you should take them as life lessons that you must go through in order to achieve success.
How to become a confident woman
How do you imagine a confident woman? She is attractive, has beautiful hair, has perfect posture and an hourglass figure. Such women force you to follow them with your gaze. How to become the same?
Above we wrote about points that will help increase self-esteem, but we practically did not touch upon appearance. But it plays a huge role in matters of self-confidence. Yes, accepting yourself for who you are is normal and important, but what if it concerns your health?
Our posture greatly influences how other people perceive us. People with beautiful, straight backs always enjoy great success. But how to correct your posture?
This is where a roller comes to the rescue. Watch a video on how to lie on it correctly:
There is also a great exercise for the back with a foam roll:
The essence of the concept
Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his capabilities, focusing solely on the success of any event in which he participates, and idealizing his own personality. Failures for him are nothing more than an accident, a consequence of unfavorable circumstances and the mistakes of others. And criticism is just a manifestation of envy on the part of others and unfair nagging.
This attitude often becomes the cause of conflict situations in which people with high self-esteem behave emotionally, are not restrained and do not tolerate defeat. This leads to difficulties in social adaptation: if they occupy leadership positions, they become tyrants and despots, and if not, they remain alone, since others do not want to communicate with them.
Such people are called self-confident, arrogant, arrogant. Although they prefer to talk about themselves in a more positive way (and this is understandable from the point of view of their self-esteem): “who know their own worth.”
According to the psychodiagnostic scale, three levels of inflated self-esteem are distinguished:
- Above average. When a person values and respects himself according to the heights he has achieved, but at the same time is not always ready to admit his own mistakes and weaknesses.
- High. When conceit comes from within and is not always dictated by real success.
- Inappropriately tall. When self-esteem is too high, everything negative, including the truth, is denied, and the idealized and real image have little overlap.
The most problematic is the third level, as it often leads to personality and behavioral disorders - a diagnosis requiring psychiatric treatment.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists give several tips on increasing self-esteem:
- You should set aside two minutes every day for gratitude. Identify two things for which you are grateful today. This should become a habit.
- Act and don’t waste time on doubts and thoughts. Try to complete all your tasks, because you probably know how unfinished business presses, strains and instills uncertainty.
- Do things that bring you pleasure more often. It is very important to make time for your hobbies, otherwise life can become unbearable. These activities charge you with vigor and optimism.
- Exercise. People who exercise regularly are more satisfied with themselves, their appearance and their success than those who do not. Moreover, during exercise, dopamine, the hormone of joy, is produced. If you don’t know where to start training, we recommend the Easy Sport online marathon. Everything is worked out on it: chest, stomach, back, sides, buttocks.
Reasons for low self-esteem
According to psychologists, several factors can influence a person’s self-esteem: relationships with parents in childhood, assessment of others, fixation on a specific failure, appearance. Let's look at typical reasons.
Comes from childhood
Often parents surround their child with overprotective care, fearing that the child will take the wrong step, fall, or hurt himself. This influence creates a feeling of helplessness and ineptitude in the child, making him completely dependent on mom and dad. The result of such upbringing is that in adult life it is difficult for a person to make a decision and do something on his own.
The child also takes an example from his parents: if he sees that mom or dad are unsure of themselves, then they will reproduce this behavior in the future. For example, mom allows insults in her direction from her father, or dad doesn’t stand up for mom in controversial or dangerous situations, because unsure of his abilities.
Another reason comes from childhood - the lack of love of parents for the child and constant comparison with someone not in favor of the baby. This is the opposite of overprotection. The child is not noticed, is not given due attention, or, even worse, is offended and physically abused. As a result, the child loses faith in his own strengths and abilities. Such situations make a child a “difficult” teenager in the future.
Negative experience
In life, each of us has moments when we fail in business. This could be an unfulfilled relationship, betrayal by a friend, or a fiasco at work. And here it is important to adequately assess the situation, and not excessive self-criticism. Often a person becomes fixated on bad experiences and begins to avoid making decisions.
By the way, failures in childhood can cause serious psychological trauma to a child, which affects self-esteem in the future.
Influence of others
Society plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. Where initiative and independence are not valued, confidence in the individual will not develop.
Excessive criticism of other people has a particular impact. If a person is initially weak-willed, then criticism has a detrimental effect on him: he gives up, becomes withdrawn, and lacks the desire to do anything. Often, weak-willed people deliberately begin to criticize themselves in public. Their goal is to get their words refuted and increase their own importance. In this case, it is important not to support the opinion of such a person, but to encourage him.
Communication with manipulators also contributes to a decrease in self-esteem. It is important for them to impose their opinion, to gain power over a person by instilling a feeling of self-doubt in their victim and extolling their importance.
External data
Dissatisfaction with one's appearance or the presence of visible pathologies are often the reasons for ridicule by peers and unhealthy criticism from others in adulthood. For example, if a woman is ashamed of her excess weight, then any statements on this matter from the outside will be perceived especially sharply and can even lead to depression, when for a self-confident woman criticism is a reason to become even better at something.
This is the case when it is again worth reminding of a simple truth: love yourself, and others will love you.
Whatever the reason for your loss of self-esteem, there are excellent methods that you can use to restore your self-confidence. Let's talk about the most effective of them.
Movies to boost self-esteem
Watch these movies. They clearly show how a person's self-esteem affects his life:
"Bridget Jones's Diary." The film is about a 32-year-old girl who has complexes about being overweight and can’t find love.
"Beauty all over." This picture is similar to the film above, since here the heroine is also dissatisfied with her body, she does fitness and tries to become like the girls on the cover. But one incident makes her so confident that typical beauties might be jealous.
"The Devil Wears Prada" This is a film about the cruel world of fashion and gloss, where any wrong move, glance, and you are already overboard. But with the proper persistence and self-confidence, you can get through anywhere.
Signs
Interesting fact: people with high self-esteem rarely consider themselves self-confident and arrogant. They believe that they perceive themselves objectively. But it costs others nothing to see such a person at the first conversation based on certain signs. The characteristics of this type of personality are quite voluminous.
People with high self-esteem:
- confident in their own rightness;
- seek to impose their own opinion;
- reserve the last word in any dispute;
- do not know how to apologize, do not admit their own mistakes;
- constantly compete with everyone: colleagues, friends and even their significant other;
- blame only those around them for their failures;
- do not see their own shortcomings;
- often use the pronoun “I” in conversation, communicate in an orderly tone, constantly interrupt, and do not listen to the end of the interlocutor;
- never ask for help and never help anyone;
- do not accept criticism;
- always and everywhere express their own opinion, even if they are not asked about it, teach others, give advice to everyone;
- selfish;
- They don’t know how to calculate risks.
A person with high self-esteem is characterized by arrogant behavior, which often turns into aggression. Narcissists can be identified by the amount of time they spend in front of the mirror or with a selfie stick. Careerists, in order to achieve their goal, go over the heads of others, using any means, and do not tolerate competition. In personal relationships, the most important thing for them is self-actualization, when the interests of the other half are completely leveled.
Good books to boost your self-esteem
- "How to Overcome Your Victim Complex" by Wayne Dyer. A book with practical examples, methods and tips will help you fight back against manipulators. The author is sure that to be a victim or not to be is everyone’s personal choice.
- “Make him shut up. How to overcome your inner critic and take action by Danny Gregory. The book is about how to stop devaluing yourself and all your achievements.
- "And I do not". How not to be afraid of refusals and go ahead towards your goal,” Jia Jiang. Any refusals are perceived painfully, personally, and hit hard on self-esteem. The author decided to overcome the fear of rejection, and what came out of this can be found out by reading the book.
The issue of increasing self-esteem needs to be approached comprehensively. It is necessary to work not only on appearance, but also on self-perception. Come to the “Flourish” marathon to work out your body, face and even your mind in detail. Special meditative practices will help you find harmony with yourself and love yourself.
Formation of personal self-esteem
This process (and the result, i.e. self-esteem and level of aspirations) is influenced by 2 factors - the attitude of relatives and friends and awareness of one’s own actions. The latter does not appear spontaneously - it is developed through interaction with other people. Relatives and educators should teach children to control their actions, to coordinate their own “wants” with the desires of others.
A feature of the process is that in each age period accompanying activities play a large role. For example, younger schoolchildren devote a significant part of their time to studying - the decisive factor here will be grades and entries in the diary.
This process includes 4 stages:
- From birth to one and a half years - in psychology it is also called procedural-situational. The child does not see the connection between his own actions and characteristics. There is a tendency for bias in assessment, since this is based on external performance results. The latter are often determined not by the child’s actual capabilities, but by simple chance. The child acquires a sense of trust in the world and a positive attitude towards the world.
- From one and a half to 3-4 years - the stage is called qualitative-situational. Self-awareness occurs, a sense of autonomy/dependence on the adult’s reactions to one’s own actions develops. A connection is established between quality and action.
- 4 – 6 years – scientific name – qualitatively conservative. The stage is typical for the child to develop an understanding of what kind of person he will become. Depending on the situation in the family, the girl/boy develops a feeling of initiative or a feeling of guilt - the most powerful negative impact is exerted by strict control and the presentation of many demands.
- 6 – 14 years or qualitative-dynamic period. Self-analysis becomes objective, but at the same time it is dynamic. A sense of hard work develops. The danger is the inability or inability to perform certain tasks - this contributes to a lower self-esteem.
All four periods are interconnected. Each of them arises on the foundation of the previous one. Earlier levels build up later ones - this is what explains the complex nature of their functioning.
