Self-confidence: 10 exercises against shyness

Shyness is a widespread phenomenon in the modern world. The famous American psychologist Philip Zimbardo set himself the task of not only studying the nature of this mental state, but also finding ways to combat it.

An important step to changing yourself is to give up self-deprecation. To do this, note all the negative moments in your life over the past two weeks that made you feel bad about yourself. Use self-analysis to understand negative beliefs about yourself. Every time you start beating yourself up, say “stop.” Do this until you give up the habit of rating every step you take as “unsatisfactory.”

Note how many times during the day you were able to refrain from making such judgments. Reward yourself for this (with a compliment, a trip to the cinema, sweets - whatever you need at this moment and for this achievement).

Below I offer 10 exercises that will help you develop self-confidence.

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Counterarguments

Make a list of your own weaknesses. Write it down on the left half of the sheet of paper. On the right, opposite each item, indicate those positive aspects that can be contrasted with the negative ones. For example:

Weaknesses

• No one who knows me likes me.
• I have almost no attractive features.

Counterarguments

• Those who really know me treat me well.
• I have a lot of attractive features.

Expand and justify counterarguments, find suitable examples. Start thinking about yourself in a positive way.

Signs of low self-esteem in women

Before you look for ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem, you need to make sure that she really has problems with self-confidence. Here you need to take a closer look at the young lady for the following signs:

1. Reliability. She does not get pleasure from fulfilling extraneous requests, but she does not know how to refuse, since she does not want to offend and disappoint.
2. Painful reaction to criticism. With adequate self-esteem, a woman either accepts or rejects criticism, but does not cause hysterics. Insecure women perceive criticism as a personal tragedy, since negative statements addressed to them are considered evidence of their inferiority.
3. Inflated criteria for assessing appearance. Due to low self-esteem, the girl is always dissatisfied with her face, weight, and hair condition. At the same time, they publicly speak poorly about their appearance, hoping to hear a refutation of their words in response.
4. Inappropriate reaction to compliments. These ladies love it when people give them compliments, but they don’t know how to accept them.
5. The woman plays the role of the victim. The girls believe that those around them have set themselves the goal of inflicting as much pain as possible. They are completely sure that all the failures in their lives are a pattern.
6. Giving up your own desires. Your desires and dreams come last. Young ladies put the desires of others first, without thinking about developing self-love.
7. Fear of decision making and responsibility. It’s easier for them to shift responsibility for decision-making onto someone else’s shoulders.
8. Dissatisfaction with the environment. Insecure girls believe that no one appreciates them. Psychologists say that they themselves attract those people who make them feel worthless.

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Other words for shyness

It happens that we experience shyness in one or two situations, but, nevertheless, we consider ourselves shy.
Instead of counting and saying, “I'm a shy person,” try to think and speak about yourself in more specific terms—certain circumstances and reactions. For example: “I get nervous when I speak in public,” or “I feel out of place in a company,” or “I get nervous when meeting with the president of our company. My heart rate increases if I feel that a guy (girl) is paying attention to me.” attention". Make the most complete list of your reactions related to certain situations. Then decide how these reactions can be controlled. For example, if your hands shake when talking, clasp your fingers, place your hands on your knees, or, as a last resort, put them in your pockets.

Causes of self-doubt

Psychologists identify 4 main causes of self-doubt.

Unhealthy relationship with parents

Self-doubt goes back to childhood. Excessive authoritarianism of parents, overprotection, and reluctance to listen to the child’s opinion do not allow him to form strong internal support. He does not learn to make decisions on his own and take responsibility for them.

Parents who are too demanding are also very harmful. When only an ideal result is expected from a child, without giving him the right to make mistakes, he experiences enormous psychological stress. A little person develops an idea of ​​the world as a cruel and hostile place, and he imagines himself as a small, insignificant insect.

Excessive praise of a child, oddly enough, can also damage self-confidence. When a baby is constantly praised and coddled, he begins to expect the same from other people. The discrepancy between reality and expectations becomes a real shock. It turns out that the world is not as kind and fluffy as mom, and respect must be earned through your actions. And you really want everyone to love you and praise you just like that.

Ignorance of self

Self-confidence presupposes an adequate assessment of one’s capabilities. This assessment is based on actual experience. For example, a girl got a new job and successfully completed a complex project. Now she has confidence that she will do her next projects perfectly.

In areas where you do not have enough experience, a lack of self-confidence is normal, as long as it is moderate and does not demotivate you.

Therefore, you should not demand from yourself unconditional confidence everywhere and in everything. And there is no need to sit and wait for her to appear. Take action and gain experience. This will increase your self-confidence.

Bad experience

This point is a direct consequence of the previous one. If you have had a series of setbacks and failures in the past, your self-confidence will be low. Fortunately, negative experiences can be reviewed and rewritten. This process is not easy and slow, but extremely necessary.

Perfectionism

Few people have the ability to do everything perfectly. There is no point in striving for this. This is very energy-consuming and often pointless. Perfectionism is very easy to kill any initiative and stifle motivation. It just takes ironclad self-confidence to believe that you are capable of achieving excellence in everything.

If you're feeling insecure, ask yourself if you're asking too much of yourself. Maybe we should be a little more modest?

There are several other reasons that I also could not ignore. These include:

• lack of willpower and self-discipline;
• obsessive anxiety;
• physical disabilities;
• lack of fulfillment;
• stress;
• inability to communicate;
• lack of a relationship partner;
• strong financial misalliance with the immediate environment;
• lack of work.

If I weren't shy...

Sit back and close your eyes. Imagine a person or situation that constantly makes you feel shy. Don't miss any details - not a single word or gesture.

Now imagine how you would behave in this situation if you were not shy. What would you do? What would you say? How would it all end?

Awaken this positive image within yourself every day for a week.

The next time you have to actually face a similar situation, restore your positive image in your mind. And behave accordingly.

Exercises to improve teenagers' self-esteem

It’s difficult to be a teenager: the children’s world is no longer relevant, and you’re not allowed into the “big” world yet. They don’t forgive you everything, like in kindergarten by the fact of their existence, but they also don’t give you adult freedom.

Add here the lack of life experience, the play of hormones, and you get a sad picture. Parents often brush off teenage problems, considering them trivial and not worth attention, but for a daughter, a pimple is truly a disaster.

You can increase your confidence level by:

1. Without focusing on appearance. The body continues to transform, acne, sweating - all this will soon become a thing of the past.
2. Focus on skills - what a teenager can do to stand out: playing the guitar, the ability to do the splits, knowledge of a foreign language?
3. Expand your horizons. Interesting interlocutors are pleasant for many.
4. Successful studies. It's corny, but true.
5. Markers of “adult” life. Just not with cigarettes and beer (this won’t surprise anyone), but with work. Personal money and responsibility instantly boost self-esteem.

Do you know what I like about you?

Choose the one you trust most among your friends and do this exercise with him. Write down which features of this person are most attractive to you, and have him do the same for you. (Try to keep each list to ten items.) Take turns explaining to each other why you included each item on the list. Start by saying, “What I really like about you is...”

How do you feel when your friend praises you? Learn to accept praise (at least say thank you) and enjoy the joy that compliments bring.

Learn to give compliments to your friends. Use this skill in everyday life, sparing no praise even in the most ordinary situations.

Exercise 3. “Ray of Confidence”

For this exercise you will need to use your imagination. Relax, breathe smoothly and deeply for a minute or two. Imagine a beam filling you with confidence. The beam can be of any color and can shimmer. Imagine how it fills you from the top of your head to your feet, fills your whole body, your whole being with confidence. Breathe and at the same time be filled with the confidence that this ray gives. Stay in this state for 3 – 4 minutes. Each time the exercise should be extended a little until it reaches 10-15 minutes. If you feel discomfort, this is a signal to complete the exercise.

Role Model and Self-Esteem

Imagine someone you admire. This could be a friend or relative, or it could be a character from a movie or book. Imagine circumstances in which this person would experience shyness. What would he do? What would you say? How could you help him? What are this person's strengths?

List them:________________________________________

If you had these virtues, what kind of person would you be? How would having these traits affect your shyness? Close your eyes and imagine situations in which you do not feel shy. How do you feel about this?

How to develop self-confidence and self-esteem? Here are some tips for our women.

1. To increase inner comfort and motivation for success, answer the questions in the form of lists:

• What do you do well?
• What kind of praise have you heard from early childhood to this day?
• How did you help those around you?
• What life achievements make you proud?

First of all, list your successes and personal qualities. Each woman has her own character traits, and suspicious natures are always prone to comparison. Find your own strengths to see your uniqueness, which deserves respect. Then you will understand that you deserve to be happy.

2. To become self-confident, act like this:

• Accept the idea that each person is the creator of his own destiny. He can turn it in the right direction if he changes his point of view on all problems, then it will be easier for him to find optimal ways to solve issues.
• Don't be afraid to experiment. Look for new hobbies and ways of self-realization, find something that brings pleasure and joy.
• Make plans. Write down your main goals and desires for the short term and the long term (up to five years), as well as a list of actions to complete the planned tasks.
• Practice persistence, which will show you how to develop self-confidence. Don't be afraid of the first failures. Thanks to them, we strengthen our will and draw strength of spirit to further move forward.
• Get used to your role. After all, in every woman there lives an actress who is able to imitate the desired ideal. Be a positive and friendly person, charismatic and charming, persistent in making decisions.
• Learn from the experiences of celebrities or successful individuals. Read descriptions of their lives, learn the secrets of achieving goals. Find a role model among your friends and ask how to develop confidence from their position. Lucky people are happy to help their friends.

From observations of confident women, psychologists noted their important traits:

1. Having your own goals, natural behavior, the desire to discover your talents and originality, the ability to turn flaws into advantages . Lacking graceful forms, they emphasize femininity with their clothing and manner of speaking. The main thing here is to understand that there are no ideals, and to put an end to complexes forever.
2. Calmness and motivation for success . Meditation, breathing practices and visualization help to tune in to achieving a goal. Thanks to this, confident women maintain inner self-control to achieve unprecedented heights.
3. Readiness for loneliness. Strong women know that sometimes in their lives there comes a time for self-discovery, personal growth and better health. In this case, do not be discouraged due to the lack of a partner. And if your relationship with a man is intact, spend some time on yourself. You need to make plans, set tasks, be able to escape from worries, relax, and engage in your hobbies. Don't focus on men, they get bored with it. They have always gravitated towards those people who have a personal interest.

4. A normal reaction to criticism . Confident women do not argue, do not prove the opposite, but draw conclusions if the remark is justified. Moreover, they usually ignore thoughtless injections. How to develop self-confidence to this height? A clear internal position, iron logic and powerful self-esteem are unshakable. And all empty critics are either fools or petty envious people. Look deeper to understand the reason for unpleasant words. Do they have a desire to help? After all, everyone has the right to say what they think. This is normal.
5. Strong women know how to formulate questions . “How to find harmony, where do I look for a source of positivity, what are the advantages of my personality?” Focus on the positive aspects of life, try to increase your intelligence and level of culture, change, improving your life, strive for new goals.

So, a woman can easily raise her self-esteem and strengthen her spirit, using simple exercises and the experience of accomplished people, and then in practice behave in a new way.

List of good events

Get a notebook and write down all the good things that happen to you for two weeks.

• Make a list of pleasant events every day, then analyze it.
• How many of these events were caused by the initiative of other people?
• How many of them occurred on your initiative?
• How many good events have there been?
• What is needed for there to be more of them?

From today, whenever something good happens, do not lose sight of this event and do not deny yourself the pleasure of enjoying it.

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What kind of men do women with low self-esteem prefer?

Insecure young ladies, as a rule, attract authoritarian, selfish and domineering men, who easily convince their chosen ones that the main task of their life is to ensure the well-being of their spouse. After all, a wife who knows her place is very easy to manage. She silently follows instructions and does not expect gratitude. Agree, a convenient wife. That's why he lowers her self-esteem. The head of the family will not rack his brains about how a woman can gain self-confidence, because in this situation there is no need to strain. The partner will forgive everything, because she does not believe that she deserves more. Such husbands are alien to the feeling of jealousy. Girls are grateful to the one who deigned to marry her, and even in their thoughts they do not allow themselves to communicate with other men. And it rarely comes to divorce.

As a rule, girls are manipulated not only by their husbands, but also by those around them. Usually, for this purpose, the victim is instilled with a feeling of guilt, and in order to make amends for it, the ladies solve other people’s problems and invest all their efforts so that everything is at the highest level. After such an attitude, it is difficult to believe in yourself.

Get interesting

You need to develop a skill that you believe will help you engage in social interaction. You should work on at least one trait that can be positively assessed by others and bring them joy and benefit. A person who can play the guitar or piano is a welcome guest in any company. Learn to tell funny stories or perform magic tricks. It is very useful (and not at all difficult) to learn to dance, especially for men who feel insecure once they start playing the music. Stay up to date with international events and fashionable topics (problems of overpopulation, ecology, etc.). Read good books, both serious literature and bestsellers, and be prepared to discuss them.

Exercise 4. “Gait of Confidence”

Exercise from body-oriented therapy. It is best to perform to pleasant music without words! First of all, tune in to the music, feel your body, breathe deeply. Start moving around the room, make the movements that you consider necessary (spin, jump, make passes with your hands, etc.). But then the exercise itself begins. And it consists of two parts! First, imagine yourself as a completely insecure person. Hunch over, feel yourself pressed to the ground... Walk like this for 3 - 5 minutes. Listen to your feelings. Feel as if your confidence has completely left you... The second part of the exercise: transformation. If the exercise is done to music, this part is performed to a different track, preferably a more positive one, more pleasant for you. Now, on the contrary, feel how confidence fills you, how you become more and more confident and cheerful. Straighten your back, straighten your shoulders, walk with your head held high. The steps are large and confident. Breathing is free. Move in this state for one track.

How to love yourself?

To remove outdated thought forms from the subconscious, you will have to fight many blocks inside. It is not so easy to reformat yourself, since beliefs become simply iron over the years; it is impossible and not necessary to look inside yourself critically and without the help of a psychotherapist. But still, if you persist, you will be able to break old thoughts.

So, what techniques will help you cope with inadequate self-esteem? Affirmations. We select a list of new beliefs about our personality and try to “introduce” them into our heads, writing them down on paper many, many times. This is the classic way, but it takes too much time.

Tests to determine the level of self-esteem

Of course, having learned about the importance of self-esteem in life, I want to quickly find out its level in myself! And you can do this without even leaving home. Psychology is a convenient science; you can find out about your problems on your own, but you often have to solve them with the help of a specialist.

So how do you know what your self-esteem is? Listed below are the main tests that you can safely use for psychological diagnosis.

1. “How is your self-esteem?” The test was compiled by psychologist Morris Rosenberg and is often used to determine this characteristic. This method gives a concise answer, identifying low, medium or high. It can be called an express test, since it has only 10 questions.
2. Test questionnaire “Determining the level of self-esteem.” The method developed by S. V. Kovalev allows you to determine your attitude towards yourself using 32 statements. You need to answer on a scale from 0 to 4, where 4 means very often, 0 means never. At the end of the test you will see your strengths and weaknesses.
3. “Test to identify the level of self-esteem.” The technique can also be classified as an express test, since it contains 10 questions. You must answer them by choosing the appropriate letter, which has its own score. Then you need to calculate the scores and determine what range your value falls into.
4. “Assessment of the level of Gerbachevsky’s claims.” You read above that the structure of self-esteem includes the level of aspirations. The test helps determine how you assess your capabilities in achieving your goal. Here you can also see the motivation to complete a specific task. But this test should be taken when you are doing any job or task.
5. Determining the level of claims - “Schwarzlander Test”. It involves walking with an observer who will watch a stopwatch. It is better to take the test with a psychologist. This method helps determine how you evaluate yourself, whether you achieve success or give up at the slightest difficulties. The test indirectly diagnoses self-esteem.

Tips: how to increase self-esteem

In the morning, you definitely need to make every effort to look attractive, energetic, without buttons that tend to fall off, or to be a person who does not constantly need to straighten your hair or smooth out the creases in your trousers. If you look brand new, it will help you not to constantly think about your appearance.

Don't focus on your own physical flaws. All humanity has physical disabilities. We need to understand that most of the people we encounter every day are completely unaware of your shortcomings or are not even aware of their presence. Along with this, you should not be too critical of other people. In order to win people over, it is not at all necessary to know a lot of jokes or burst out with brilliant ideas, it is enough just to be able to listen. You should not try to become more confident and brave with the help of alcohol.

How to increase self-esteem after a breakup? Increasing personal self-esteem after separation or divorce is an issue that has been troubling many for decades. Any parting never passes without a trace. This is due to a violation of the usual way of life. A person begins to think that they broke up with him because he is bad. The fair half of humanity perceives separation more difficult, since they are more emotional. Every girl is told from childhood that she is the keeper of the hearth and relationships. That is why they often place responsibility for broken relationships on themselves. If the separation occurred due to betrayal, then realizing this is doubly difficult. In the subconscious, a person will think that a rival or rival is somehow better than him.

How to increase a person's self-esteem after breaking up with a loved one? The main reasons for a decrease in self-esteem when a relationship breaks up are: the emergence of uncertainty, fear of loneliness, worries about the inability to find a replacement, etc. In principle, such experiences pass after a certain amount of time, but not always. The main thing during any breakup is not to blame yourself for anything. All people make mistakes and that's okay. Your mistakes should be perceived as an acquired experience, and not as a tragedy. If they decide to break up with you, this does not mean that the problem is with you. Everyone has the right to choose and must take responsibility for their choices.

Ways to increase self-esteem include the following: you should not withdraw into yourself, you need to communicate more, share your experiences with loved ones, pour out your emotions on them, and in the absence of loved ones, pour out your experiences on paper. Don't feel sorry for yourself. After all, this road leads to nowhere. The more you feel sorry for yourself, the more painful it becomes. Over time, it is simply impossible to get out of such a vicious circle without outside help. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, switch to empathy for others. There are many people who have a much harder time right now. Help others, thereby helping yourself. By sympathizing and empathizing with others, you will forget about your own failure and grow in your own eyes. When meeting new people, you should not compare them with former partners or demand from them the same actions as from their predecessors. Each person is individual and that's wonderful. Don't be afraid of new relationships, communication, asking questions. After all, if something is unclear, it’s easier to ask once than to get into trouble all the time.

How to increase self-esteem? The main thing in raising self-esteem is to work on yourself every day. You can educate yourself, do something new, something you couldn’t even think about before. Join a gym. After all, a beautiful, healthy body adds self-confidence and strengthens the inner spirit. Shopping, changing your image, and general cleaning of your home perfectly improves your mood and self-confidence, especially for women.

What will work on self-esteem give?

In order to definitely get a positive result in working on your own self-esteem, to become self-confident, it is very important for a lady to consolidate her motivation and determine for herself what qualities a person with an adequate attitude towards herself has:

• Confidence in your strength;
• knowledge and ability to use your strengths;
• knowledge and acceptance of your weaknesses;
• absence of stress and anxiety;
• immunity to criticism;
• the approval of the environment is not important.

And this is just a small part of the qualities that a woman with normal self-esteem possesses. It's worth developing and growing, isn't it?

Watch the video of an independent psychologist to get rid of fears and increase your self-esteem.

Low self-esteem begins in childhood

It often starts in childhood. Parents play a particularly important role in the development of healthy self-esteem: they are the first to convey that the child is a valuable person who is loved. This strengthens you from within and gives you security.

The way parents treat their children also plays a role. If there is a lack of respect, if a person is ridiculed as a child, his self-esteem is undermined. Such children then develop the belief that they themselves are wrong or not good enough. Their own needs don’t count; what matters is fulfilling other people’s expectations. This belief remains with the adult.

Why raise

As a rule, girls are more prone to low self-esteem. This is due to the sensitivity of girls and improper upbringing in childhood. You can often hear: “Ugh, you’re a coward!”, or parents say: “Oh, you’re shy!” These labels are reinforced by some other phrases from the boys at school. And thus the cute little girl turns into a depressed child with low self-esteem.

The same thing can happen with boys when dad tries to show his friends what a “brave guy” he is, “a brave and fast son.” Not all boys live up to these expectations, which results in disappointment for dads and low self-esteem for sons.

Such children, like a snowball, pick up other people's labels and nicknames and succeed in accumulating complexes and barriers. As adults, they pay excessive attention to the assessment of others and their approval. In this case, it is more difficult for a man, since the stronger sex is expected to be decisive, responsible and confident.

We come to the main question of the section: “Why, after all, increase self-esteem?” Adequate self-esteem opens up the opportunity for a person to feel free from human judgment, confident in making decisions, and proactive in communication and work. It is these important skills that are the basis for the development of emotional intelligence, which is very important for a successful life.

Heightened self-esteem

Such self-esteem is formed in those teenagers who are accustomed to receiving attention and gifts from their parents all the time; Usually in such families there is only one child, and he is overly pampered. Girls with beautiful appearance build their self-esteem only on their appearance. And they forget that people also evaluate their inner world.

Signs of high self-esteem are the following factors:

• The desire for the conversation to always end with their response.
• Not accepting other people's opinions in a conversation.
• Inability to cope with failures.
• The habit of getting involved in a business without understanding exactly what needs to be done.
• Never ask for a favor, give orders instead.
• Put personal goals first.

If something doesn't work out, people with high self-esteem fall into terrible depression. Then they urgently need the help of a qualified psychologist, since no one voluntarily admits pride in themselves.

Conclusion

Forming self-esteem is a long process that often occurs under the influence of a negative environment. Self-esteem that is higher than real is found in those whose parents instilled a sense of superiority in childhood. The self-esteem test is given above. But sometimes it’s just enough to honestly admit it to yourself.

Low self-esteem in most cases is characteristic of women. They are naturally gentler, have few male hormones, and are not aggressive. Ladies with inflated aspirations also experience difficulties in communication, but mainly for the reason that they did not become the main object of attention or their opinion was not taken into account. Both positions are fundamentally wrong. Various exercises to improve self-esteem can help these people. In extreme cases, when you cannot help yourself on your own, you need to consult a psychologist.