An insecure man: signs, behavioral characteristics, reasons. How to help a man who lacks self-confidence?

Incredible facts

An insecure man is a headache for any woman.

Many women whose relationships started out great eventually discovered that their man was completely insecure.

Such a man not only begins to squeeze you into his vice over time, but also threatens your mental well-being.

Of course, it's nice when your boyfriend constantly pays attention to you, but if his love begins to suffocate you, the relationship can turn into a complete nightmare.

There are several signs that allow you to recognize an insecure and overly complex man.

Causes

Any effect must have a cause. If a man is unsure of himself, it means that someone inspired him that such behavior is considered normal. Why is a man unsure of himself? Here are the main reasons:

• Parental overprotection. The boy grew up under the strict control of his mother and never made decisions on his own.
• Strict parents. If in childhood a mother scolds a boy for any offense, in adulthood the person will not take the initiative, since he will know that she is punishable.
• Constant criticism. Unfounded criticism from parents and teachers could seriously affect a child's self-esteem, reducing it to zero.
• Narrow social circle. The less a person communicates with people, the less friendly he is. Closed individuals are more likely than others to suffer from low self-esteem.

Collecting anamnesis or why is it like this?

Of course, we all come from childhood. Upbringing in a family, the first successful or unsuccessful experience of making an independent decision, the first blow to the nose... Receive it, sign it, now it’s all yours.

The relationship between mother and child determines the degree of self-confidence of the future man. For a child, a mother is the image of the world. If a mother accepts a child and gives him warmth and joy from the first days of life, then, as he grows up, the boy will take the feeling of security and comfort into adulthood.

An overly caring or despotic mother can cause a number of complexes and defensive behavior patterns, which the wife will have to fight.

Attention to appearance

This may surprise some, but insecure men try to look very stylish. A person wants to show his own individuality with his appearance. The person acts like a peacock, which opens its beautiful tail in front of the females.

Men with low self-esteem follow fashion, decorate their bodies with tattoos and have trendy haircuts. External gloss helps them feel important. But behind the outer shell hides an insecure person. A person with high self-esteem will not attach much importance to clothing. He will dress neatly and tastefully, but he will not blindly follow all fashion trends.

Fear of expressing your opinion

The psychology of an insecure man is this: I won’t say anything, no one needs to know what I’m thinking about. Guys with low self-esteem are never the life of the party. They look like gray mice that hide behind the backs of the merry fellows. They often do not have their own opinion. They can think whatever they want, but they will speak out in the way that is customary to do in their society. Such guys will not go against the system and defend their interests. They will accept any development of events, as long as they are not personally touched or forced to change anything or argue with someone.

Quick ways to gain self-confidence

Gaining confidence and healthy self-esteem is a long process that requires persistence and a desire to change. But what if determination, courage and firmness are needed not today, tomorrow?

There are methods that help you believe in yourself in a short time. Let's go from the easiest (can be applied here and now) to the more complex (will take 2-3 days):

Confidence on a physical level

Portray confidence: shoulders back, head higher, back straighter, proud gait, face expresses calm. Your body should speak for you that you know your worth. Now look in the mirror - this is what a confident person looks like.

And don't forget about the smile! Even if you don’t feel like it, smile anyway, and then you can feel a surge of energy.

Speak measuredly, slowly and always loudly. Don't mumble, but express yourself clearly and clearly. If you feel that you don’t understand the issue and are afraid to say something out of place, try to change the topic of conversation.

New environment, new “me”

Clean your room, or better yet, the entire apartment. Rearrange and replace bedding. Feel how everything is changing for the better.

Are there any gifts left from your exes? In the trash! A little souvenir from the resort where you poisoned yourself? Throw it away and don't regret it!

And after updating your place of residence, change yourself. Get a new haircut, buy clothes in an unusual color, change your perfume, or wear an accessory that is atypical for you.

More entries

Keep a diary and write in it what good things happened during the day. In the evening, develop a plan for tomorrow and implement it on time. Be sure to mark what you accomplished.

Make a list of your achievements. Post the checklist in a visible place and add something new every day. Let it be a small thing: “helped a neighbor carry her bag,” “walked 8 kilometers,” “got up half an hour earlier.”

Praise yourself for each completed point of the plan and for each new achievement.

“Thank you” and “please”

Accept compliments with gratitude. Don't brush them off, don't devalue them, and don't start talking about your shortcomings in response. Smile sincerely and say thank you. Believe that what is said is the truth and not flattery.

Learn not only to accept compliments, but also to give them. Sometimes it's even more difficult. Try to say something kind to a loved one, be sure to be sincere. And you will be pleased too.

Talk to a stranger. Offer your help or ask for help. Even a banal “what time is it” will be enough. During the dialogue, do not lower your head. Look into the eyes of your interlocutor.

Towards positivity through negativity

Draw your fears. What would they look like? In the form of a person, an animal or an incomprehensible substance? What color and size are they? Look carefully at the pictures. What do you feel?

If you are going somewhere and are afraid of the upcoming event, close your eyes and imagine the worst case scenario. What's the worst that could happen?

After such fantasies, fear will gradually begin to go away, everything will seem not so hopeless. Courage and determination will appear. Read more about this topic in the article “How to become brave.”

Old plans

No more hiding your to-do list in the closet. Take the burden of unfulfilled plans off your shoulders.

Have you always wanted to go to your aunt in Saratov? Buy a ticket and go! Have you dreamed of going to a spa? So don't sit still. All in your hands.

Closed gestures

The behavior of an insecure man is appropriate. In any society, he will try to isolate himself from people. And since it is not in his power to build physical barriers, the man will fence himself off with gestures.

Taking closed poses, crossing arms and legs, a person will demonstrate uncertainty and tightness with his whole appearance. And if inspiration suddenly hits him and he decides to tell something, then his gestures will be too constrained and angular. The viewer will not be able to notice any broad movements.

How to build a happy relationship

Is this person important to you, and do you want to build a happy, strong relationship with him? Then here are the main points that must be followed to help a man be more decisive.

• Believe in him

There is a trap when you think you know better or can do something faster. In some cases, this may be true, but then how can one take the initiative next to such a strong and omnipotent woman? Believe me, he can handle everything just as well as you! Give him a chance.

• Don't help

This is a continuation of the previous point. How often do you lack patience? And in such a situation, it is important to take the role of an observer. In order for a man to feel confident, he needs his personal list of victories. But how will he have it if you help with everything?

• Notice his successes

Appreciate even the smallest victory over yourself or over circumstances and celebrate it together. How pleased he will be to realize that his beloved woman is proud of him!

Low self-esteem

It is not surprising that an insecure person will have low self-esteem. He is too modest and shy. He is afraid to talk to a stranger, even if he needs to ask for directions. Low self-esteem does not allow a person to correctly perceive himself and his activities. Such a man will unintentionally belittle his talent and say that he is mediocrity, even if this is not the case at all. And such thoughts will ultimately lead to the fact that a person will not do his job to his full potential.

Don't look for solace in a new relationship

Some people believe that the way to regain self-confidence is to start a new relationship immediately after ending an old one. And this is a big mistake. The fact is that love does not come when ordered. By communicating with someone who is neither good nor bad, you can achieve the opposite effect, and besides, you can waste time that could be spent more profitably.

Experience shows us that starting a new, usually unnecessary relationship is not the best decision because we are likely to repeat the same mistakes. So give yourself time to heal and take care of yourself. Treat yourself to what you love. For example, if you like horses, join a horse club. Do affirmations, repeat to yourself the words that you would like to hear from others. Make sure that you are surrounded by exclusively positive people.

Closedness

One of the signs of an insecure man is the lack of friends. And if he has comrades, then they are few. People who are insecure cannot communicate normally with others. Strong individuals will use weak ones to achieve their goals. That's why insecure guys think they can't trust anyone. They develop such a policy not only in relation to their peers, but also in relation to the older generation.

A trouble-free person is easy to exploit and will not resent. Over time, under the pressure of society, even the most good-natured, modest guy will turn into a closed individual, gloomy and taciturn.

He doesn't respect your personal space

If you repeatedly catch him reading text messages on your phone, looking at the history in your browser, or wondering what and who is writing to you on social networks, then most likely he is extremely unsure of himself. , and in your ability to save your relationship. He is trying to “catch” you in advance in obvious or imaginary infidelity and an attempt to leave him, so that he will not feel so bad when (as he is consciously or subconsciously sure) this happens. Try to explain to him that this behavior is unpleasant to you, that you, like all people, need your personal space, and he should respect it.

Doesn't want to take responsibility

A person for whom mom or dad decided everything for him since childhood will not be eager to make decisions on his own. After all, if you take responsibility for your actions, you cannot blame someone for failures. I have to admit that I made the mistake myself.

Boys who grew up under overprotection cannot even admit to themselves that they are capable of making a mistake. After all, my mother said from childhood that her son was smart and capable. And to support this legend, you need to shift the responsibility onto your neighbor. But in case of success, you need to try to win back the laurels of victory for yourself.

Causes of self-doubt in men: everything is simpler than it seems

A man is strength and action. What qualities are considered truly masculine? Responsibility, self-esteem and self-confidence are the ability to overcome obstacles, achieve, conquer and dictate your terms. But with the last one, guys, “everything is complicated” for us.

1. Childhood. Where does self-doubt come from? First of all, from childhood. Difficult relationships between parents, single-parent family, there was no worthy example - there is as much “good” as you like, I won’t dig deep. If your childhood was not great, most likely you grew up with a set of complexes and problems. If you were raised by your mother alone or by your mother and grandmother (which is even worse) - they don’t have eggs, how could they cultivate a masculine core in you? In general, a whole book could be written about this, but we will limit ourselves to one point.
2. Environment. You know that your earnings are the arithmetic average of the earnings of your five closest friends? So, your sense of self also depends on this. Who do you speak with? If with losers and ghouls, nerds, henpecked people, etc. - Sorry, dude, but you’re not far from them either. Does it happen that your friends bully you and troll you? Then the reasons for strong self-doubt are obvious.
3. Your beliefs. Do you consider yourself a worthy man? Do you meet girls from the top position or the begging position? This is an express test of your self-esteem and confidence. A strong, self-confident man does not bother with questions: “Is it worth driving up, approaching, sitting down, talking?” - he takes it and does it. He makes decisions. If your asshole plays and your balls tighten every time you need to take a serious step, make a decision, make a choice, approach a girl, in the end - this speaks of deep self-doubt as a man.
4. Lack of goals. There is nothing sadder than living in dull shit mode day after day. If you don’t have a dream, a goal, there is no motivation, which means there is no incentive to live a full, rich life, to strive for victories. Do you expect confidence to emerge on its own?

Now look at how your life could turn out if you don’t do a damn thing about all this crap.

Cool pumped up girls love cool pumped up men. Money and success, by the way, also love such people. And while you sit and be dumb, jerk off somewhere in the corner and whine about the injustice of life, someone skims all the cream. And he's handsome! Because this is work on yourself.

• Do you want to get high from life?
• To approach girls and gain power over them, and not to endure the fact that every second one dumps you and sends you to the friend zone at best?
• Do you want to earn money, not pennies?
• Do you want to have a great body?

Dude, there is only one way: work on yourself, don’t wait for someone to come and do everything for you.

If you are satisfied with everything in life, continue to sit on your ass and don’t have to read any further. There are tons of examples of self-doubt and what it leads to in literature, in cinema, and probably among your friends. The result is usually a fucked-up life and a miserable sadness. How do you like this option?

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Read also: How to motivate yourself to work and get out from under the plinth?

Looks up to others

The opinion of another person is very important for an indecisive person. Such people will not compare themselves today with themselves yesterday. They will compare themselves to others. And if a person looks good compared to others, then you need to continue moving in the chosen direction. A person cannot go his own way. After all, the opinions of others are very important, and an insecure man values ​​them very much. Therefore, you need to do things that will definitely please the majority of people nearby. Men with low self-esteem will never be inherently liberal. They will live their whole lives guided by Conservative policies.

Ways to overcome self-doubt

Low self-esteem in men can be both situational and permanent. In any case, it must be fought. Increasing your self-esteem will help you feel comfortable in this life, it will give you the opportunity to get rid of many problems.

To increase self-esteem, you need to clearly understand all your strengths and weaknesses. It is very convenient to write them down on paper. Listing your strengths will help you realize your worth and highlight the areas in which you can be most successful. Identify the weaknesses that cause you the most problems and think of ways in which you can get rid of them. When you are clearly aware of your shortcomings, you can fight them. The list should cover all areas of life.

In addition, you need to restructure your thinking. Men who think about their successes every day actually become more successful. It is very difficult to get rid of all the shortcomings. Therefore, compensate for those that you cannot get rid of with your merits

Try to draw attention to positive traits. However, you should not exaggerate your capabilities, so as not to acquire new complexes

Don't try to be like others, don't imitate anyone, don't compare yourself to someone. Each person is individual. You need to try to develop your strengths and do what you like.

Lack of hobbies

Any normal person should be interested in something besides work. Hobbies form passion in a person and help pass away leisure time. Insecure individuals cannot find a worthy occupation for themselves and spend their leisure time watching TV series or playing computer games. Guys with low self-esteem are afraid to take on any endeavor. The fear of being judged and the fear of failure will bind their hands. In his imagination, a man may be a professional tennis player or a professional artist, but in reality he will never develop his abilities until he begins to make efforts to fulfill his dreams.

Self-confidence: psychology

Self-confidence is a concept in psychology that describes an emotional state or stable personal quality, the essence of which is the acceptance of one’s individuality, a positive assessment of one’s abilities, skills and rights. Confidence in psychology is the ability to allow oneself to have certain requests and the absence of fear or guilt when presenting them to others, initiative and courage in social contacts.

From a psychological point of view, confidence is the norm, a sign of a healthy, harmonious personality. This is a quality that every person should strive for when engaged in self-development. Self-confidence must be distinguished from self-confidence (conviction in the absence of negative qualities, arrogance, a tendency to treat others with disdain).

Characteristic signs of a self-confident person are the following skills.

1. Playfulness, a tendency to improvise, open and spontaneous self-expression.
2. The ability to admit your mistakes, but without self-deprecation and self-criticism.
3. Calm acceptance of both complaints and compliments addressed to you.
4. The ability to discuss, directly and honestly express one’s own opinion, even if it is unpopular in society.
5. The ability to repeat a request, question, or remind another person of the promise he has made. Willingness to protect your interests and rights.

For an insecure person, the presentation of his point of view, achievements, needs, desires is accompanied by a lot of negative experiences (fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt). The more insecure a person is, the more difficult it is for him to take active steps to achieve his goals and make independent decisions. Too much energy is wasted on worry and doubt. Possible failures do not frighten a confident person and do not unsettle him for a long time.

Sometimes a person tries to hide self-doubt behind aggressive, defiant behavior. But in the end he encounters misunderstanding and retaliatory aggression from those around him, which only strengthens his feeling of his own inferiority. A self-confident person treats others kindly, rejoices at the successes of others, and is not upset if he is inferior to others in something.

Lack of friends

People can live normally only when they communicate with others. And if an adult lives without friends, it is worth thinking about his normality. It is difficult for a closed person to make acquaintances, but nevertheless, in your 20-30 years you can find at least one person close in spirit.

Insecure men argue with their friends and significant other all the time. Such individuals complain of constant betrayal and misunderstanding on the part of others. But when such complaints are received on a regular basis, one somehow cannot believe the sincerity of the person’s words.

He doubts you and doesn't trust you

Does he doubt the veracity of your words when you stay at work for a long time, or go somewhere with friends? Excessive jealousy is a classic sign of lack of self-confidence. Again, it is a consequence of the fear that you will leave him, and he will not be able to prevent this. He feels like he's not good enough for you, so he tries to stop you from hurting him the only way he knows how - by hurting you first. Don't let him fool you. Try to look behind the facade of his manipulative tactics and see the self-doubt hiding behind it.

We recommend: Strong women don't beg, they just leave

Jealousy

One of the signs of an insecure man is jealousy. At the beginning of a relationship, a lady may even like this character trait. But over time, any girl, even a sentimental one, gets tired of constant interrogations and suspicions.

A man will demand that a woman spend as much time with him as possible. And it won’t matter to him whether his missus has agreed to spend this day with her friends or whether she would like to go shopping. He will constantly impose his company on her and therefore will be very annoying.

Are you confident? - Yes, my mother told me so

Infants are a special type of complexed men. Initially, they are looking for mothers, housewives or women with good income. Mama's boys shift responsibility onto the woman: everyday life, finances or decision-making.

At the same time, everyone is to blame for their failures - the ex, the government, bad weather. By the way, ask about his past relationships. You will hear how he was betrayed or not loved and respected enough.

Even if the candy-bouquet begins like a fairy tale, over time they will also morally (and God forbid physically!) lower their woman. As if by chance or “with the best intentions.”

Either she’s dressed wrong, her hair doesn’t suit her, she’s not smart enough, she’s so-so in bed... Think carefully, maybe the problem isn’t you at all?

Talks about feelings all the time

How does an insecure man behave in a relationship? He quickly confesses his feelings to the girl and will demand confirmation of his love from the lady. The wording of the question will look like this: “Do you love me?” And the lady will respond with a statement so as not to hurt the man’s feelings. But an insecure man will want more. A simple “yes” in response to his question is not enough for him. He can talk for hours about his feelings and find out from his chosen one why she chose him over all other men. A game like this will please the guy and annoy the girl.

“Be patient, everything will work out”

One popular blogger celebrated her 21st marriage anniversary, which she announced on social networks. Congratulations poured in, and even more questions: how did you get such experience, reveal the secrets of a happy (most importantly, long) marriage.

And she wrote the following: “Over 20 years, I have realized what is important and necessary for me in marriage. Besides respect and other things, I value loyalty.

Devotion is not about sex. And about when you know that he/she will break the whole world for you. Perhaps later, at home, he will give you a moral slap on the head, explaining that you are a fool, but first he will tear the whole world apart.”

It's hard to disagree, isn't it? Because it has been said for centuries about “my home is my fortress”, and “my husband is protection and support”. All this can be forgotten when husbands have an indecisive, always doubting individual.

And when you are angry as a thousand devils, when you have been offended and “dad must roar” at the adversaries, this same dad is like an unlicked calf. “What if you were wrong? What if we start a conflict now, and it comes back to bite you later?”

More precisely, not like this: not “we will arrange”, but “you will arrange”: next to this, the plural is excluded, you are always alone against circumstances, evil neighbors and the whole world... It is impossible to find an excuse for this and get used to it. Every time his “backward move” will be a painful betrayal, a mini-treason.

And you are guaranteed to lose the fight with his relatives - the formidable mother or the domineering father, in general, the person who gave rise to indecision in him.

A man can love you sincerely, to the grave, but according to the animal principle he will prefer to take the side of the “leader”. The one whom he appointed in charge many years ago and, out of old memory, is trying to please and earn praise. This can be understood, but can it be forgiven?

Attached to parents

A man who has no friends will spend a lot of time with his family. And there would seem to be nothing wrong with this, if not for the influence that the mother will have on her son.

How does an insecure man behave? He will indulge his mother, who will be his idol, in everything. The opinions of other people, even the girl he loves, will not matter to such a guy. If mom said that you need to change jobs, then it really needs to be done. If mom said that you need to break up with your chosen one, then it’s time to say goodbye to the girl.

Why is a man indecisive?

It happens that you communicate well with a man and everything seems to be fine, but your relationship does not move forward. What could be the reason? Why is he acting so indecisively?

There may be several reasons for this behavior. Let's look at the most common ones so you can decide if it suits your case.

• Not ready for a serious relationship

If he just likes you, but for some reason is not ready for a serious relationship, then he will send mixed signals. Cut him some slack, don't put pressure on him, and perhaps after a while he will be ripe for a serious decision. But don't wait too long, it's a waste of time.

• Not interested in being with you...

Unfortunately, this is one of the possible options. For some men, flirting doesn't necessarily mean what it means for most women. Sometimes men treat this purely as a game and flirt with several at once.

• He already has a relationship with someone else

This is one of the classic cases. Perhaps he does this for two reasons. The first is that he craves pleasant changes, he just wants to have fun and have a good time. In the second case, he is interested in meeting another woman, but has not yet decided whether to stay with his current partner. It is not surprising that he puts distance between himself and hesitates what to do.

• Not sure what he wants

They say that women are the ones who are indecisive. Unfortunately, so do men. They may rush between women and not know which one to approach, or flirt with only one, but not know if she has more serious feelings. It is important to understand that if you are truly dear to him, he will definitely prove himself and will not back down.

If a man is indecisive, how should a woman behave?

• Unconfident and timid man

Sometimes a man behaves indecisively due to lack of self-confidence. Perhaps the reason is his temperament or unsuccessful past relationships. Such men are often afraid to both start and develop relationships. They put a woman on a pedestal, believe that she is too smart, beautiful and probably has many fans.

If the reason for a man’s indecision is his uncertainty and timidity, then it is possible to develop such a relationship. To better understand the reason for any person’s behavior, you can try to look at the world “through his eyes.”

If this man grew up in a family where there was a controlling or harsh mother, it is very difficult for him to take the initiative himself. He is used to expecting it from a woman. Usually these are very gentle men and they are looking for a woman with a stronger character as a partner. But each of us wants to feel like a gentle princess.

Living someone else's life

A person who is insecure will be afraid of his true desires. He will postpone the implementation of his ideas for a future that will never come. A man will work where he will be paid well for his activities. Moreover, he may not even receive much satisfaction from his work. But he will have a stable income, which is so revered by society.

An insecure man will not have the strength to win the girl he loves. Therefore, he will start a family with an available woman who will reciprocate. Such a life will burden a person, but he will never find the strength to change anything in himself.

How to raise a future man?

Mom loves the child just like that, dad loves him for something. The role of the father in shaping the character of a future man can hardly be overestimated. The image of a strong man with the right to have the last word must be imprinted in the boy’s mind. If a man does not enjoy authority in the family, it is difficult to expect that, as he grows up, the boy will adhere to a different behavior strategy.

In the absence of the father, his role can be replaced by any male authority figure. Grandfather, uncle, teacher or karate section coach... someone is needed from whom the boy can follow an example.

Envy

A person who cannot achieve much will be jealous of others. He will also want to buy a new car or a new house. But a low-paid, boring job won’t allow you to buy the things you want. A person who lacks self-confidence will not think about changing his place of service. Indeed, in his picture of the world, stability is the key to success.

How to deal with an insecure man? Don't give him a reason to be jealous. There is no need to remain silent about successes, but you need to talk about them as something completely natural and ordinary. Then the person will not react violently to your words.

Adult life in the shackles of indecision

A healthy two-meter-tall man weighing about a hundred kilograms only appears to be an adult in appearance. Inside, this is the same child who, in fact, was “taken away” from the opportunity to grow up independently. Make your own mistakes, gain experience communicating with peers, focusing on adequate praise from your mother, become more responsible and mature. And, of course, decisive.

The internal inability to take action or make a choice has an extremely negative impact on a person’s life. He is not only eternally indecisive and floats through life, carried away, as if by a current, by the opinions of stronger and more self-confident colleagues, spouses, and parents. He is also unable to begin any action without outside help - after all, as a child, his mother always came to his aid.

By nature, the owner of the anal vector is more comfortable and cozy in the past: he often gives in to innovations and changes, not wanting to leave his comfort zone. This is where reluctance to start and indecision can arise. It is easier for him when in his actions he relies on what is confirmed by experience, on what is described in time-tested instructions, on the opinion of authoritative people respected by him who will push, prompt, guide, and make a choice for him.

When the properties of the anal vector have been developed and realized, then an adult is able to adapt changes, make decisions independently and move forward, without looking back at the opinions of others.

Fighting complexes

15 signs of an insecure man were described above. But nothing in life is permanent, and that's good news for guys who want to change themselves. If you work on yourself and your character every day, you can completely rebuild your personality. If a person lacks strength, family and friends can come to the rescue.

How to help a man who lacks self-confidence? Very simple:

• compliment him;
• raise your self-esteem in every possible way;
• admire the activity;
• help me find a hobby;
• help get rid of excessive modesty;
• teach him to follow his gestures and not close himself off from the world.

He scares you

In fact, many bullies behave this way only because deep down they have severe self-doubt, and try to compensate for it through insults, as well as verbal or physical violence. But, of course, this cannot be an excuse for such an attitude towards you. If you have experienced any type of violence or mistreatment, know that it is unacceptable and there is no excuse for it. If you really love your partner, try to convince them to seek help from a professional who can help them solve this problem. But in any case, don't let them take it out on you. And... don’t be fooled by the “tough” character that he tries to show to the outside world - in fact, he is worried about deep self-doubt.