An open person is one who is not afraid or embarrassed to express his opinion, share his thoughts and feelings with other people, talk about his experiences (successful and unsuccessful, victories and defeats) and about himself (advantages and disadvantages, strengths and weaknesses) , hobbies, etc.). And also this is someone who is ready to listen to any person and tries to understand and accept everyone he meets. Let's take a closer look at who an open person is and how openness manifests itself. We will also learn how to become an open person.
What is human openness?
Human openness is spiritual generosity, that is, the ability to share one’s internal resources and intangible benefits. However, simplicity, honesty and responsiveness are a small part of what lies on the surface.
A free and open person - what is he like from a psychological point of view? An open person is distinguished by the following characteristics:
- Extraversion. But this does not mean that an introvert cannot be a friendly and open person. The difference is that an extrovert can be open and sometimes too intrusive even with new acquaintances, while an introvert fully opens up to a limited circle of people. An introvert also spends more energy exchanging mental energy.
- Humanity and trust in the world. Anyone who lives with resentment or fear of social rejection or betrayal cannot be open in communication. Only a person free from complexes, traumas and other psychological problems can be open.
- Positive thinking and vitality. Open people are distinguished by self-confidence and fortitude. They know how to see opportunities instead of obstacles, admit their mistakes and learn from them. But the main thing is that they are not afraid to talk about their negative experiences. They inspire others with their personal example, their confidence and fortitude.
- Sincerity and honesty with yourself and others. Open people do not speak in ambiguous phrases, do not use the “could have guessed” technique and other manipulations. They do not give empty promises and hopes. They talk about what is important, valuable and interesting to them. They always listen to themselves and other people, and also help others learn to listen to their own Self.
- Sociability and psychological flexibility. An open person is interested in communicating with people, studying them and finding a unique approach to everyone. Such a person knows how to tell stories in an interesting way, prove his position with arguments, and listen carefully to counter-arguments from his opponent. He is open to everyone and everything new. Of course, he passes all new information through personal filters of his vision of the world, that is, he does not accept and share everything, but he is ready to hear any idea and thought. He also tries to get rid of any bias.
Important! An open person has personal boundaries, principles, and beliefs. He also respects the personal boundaries of other people. Therefore, you should not confuse openness with intrusiveness, tactlessness, selfishness or anything like that.
Method number 3. Safety comes first
Communicating only with safe people is the most important principle for those who would like to become more self-confident. Why further injure yourself by communicating with those who are obviously unpleasant to you or behave too arrogantly? This is not how you overcome social phobia. This opportunity is provided only by communication with pleasant people who are able to immediately understand and delve into the essence of what is being said. There will be no uncertainty when talking to them. This is worth doing at least in the first stages of the fight against sociopathy.
Another strategy for overcoming social anxiety is talking about safe topics. By avoiding topics that might cause an undesirable reaction from others, a person with social anxiety can also feel more confident.
In what situations is openness necessary and in what situations is it not?
We will talk about how to become an open person a little lower, but for now we will indicate when it is appropriate and when it is not appropriate to be open.
Open people attract and win over. However, openness is not always appropriate or justified. It is necessary to understand what, when and to whom you can speak, and in what situations it is better to remain silent so that ill-wishers do not use the information received for their own purposes. Moderate and reasonable openness also protects against conflicts and awkward situations.
It is inappropriate to be open in a negative environment and in a negative way. That is, it is better not to directly express your negative emotions, anger, irritability. Of course, in general, any emotions need to be released and worked through, and in a relationship it is important to talk about what you don’t like. However, it is important to ensure that this is tactful and does not later turn into negativity in your direction. That is, you need to choose expressions and avoid categorical judgments. Also, be careful when discussing intimate topics, especially if your preferences in this area are clearly different from those of most people.
It is necessary to clearly distinguish between the levels of relationships: business contacts, close communication, conversation with a friend or work colleague, etc. Each level has its own limit of permissible openness, but only you can determine it yourself. Yes, you can, for example, say that at work we only discuss work issues, but sometimes colleagues become friends and then the degree of openness between people increases, which means the list of topics expands. One way or another, you shouldn’t open up and pour out your soul to the first person you meet. Wait a little, “feel out” the person before letting him into your inner world.
Method No. 2. Transform negative psychological attitudes
To overcome social anxiety, a change in established beliefs will be required, and there will be a need to step over oneself. This all requires inner strength and confidence in the goal. Social anxiety has several components that support it. If you realize and transform them, then fear will disappear. Most of all, of course, this matter requires patience. After all, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve the desired effect on the first try.
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To get rid of the influence of thoughts on your mood, you need to question them, and not perceive them as facts. To do this, it makes sense to determine which specific thought causes anxiety and avoid it. Having identified negative ideas, you need to abstract from them and question them, since they are not always reliable.
How to become an open person: recommendations from a psychologist
What does it mean to open up to someone? This means showing him a piece of your inner world. What size is this piece? Only you can decide for yourself.
How to be an open person in communication? Follow the “keep it simple” rule. What does it mean? This means burdening yourself less with questions: “What if I’m misunderstood?”, “What if I misunderstood?” and the like. To be simpler means to be yourself, but for this you need to understand and accept yourself.
What else will help you become an open person? Read the qualities of an open person again. Now think about what you are missing. Develop these qualities, and also focus on the following recommendations.
Start communicating more
If it is still difficult for you to be an open person and open up to people in real life, then start by communicating on the Internet - go to forums or go to social groups with topics close to you. For example, you can start the conversation by discussing a movie or book. Share your opinion, talk about your associations and feelings. Surely there will be a person who will share his experiences in response. Since you liked the same work, then there is a high probability that you and this person have something else in common. Try to find all common points and develop each topic. Don’t be afraid to be the first to “cast the bait” and develop a dialogue.
How to open up to someone in real life? The same principle applies as on the Internet. Start communication with one general topic, and then develop dozens of other topics from it. Of course, this doesn't always happen. If you understand that communication is not working out, then it’s okay - leave the person alone. He is not the only one in the whole world. By the way, gradually move away from your interests and try something new, meet people from other social circles, ask to teach you something or tell you about something.
Honesty
If you tell made-up stories or constantly think about how not to blurt out too much or how not to get out of character, then you definitely won’t get an interesting story, ease and openness in communication. And sooner or later you will become confused in yourself and become even more isolated. If you talk about what is clear and close to you, then a string of thoughts will appear by itself. All that remains is to put your thoughts into words.
Of course, clear, beautiful, confident speech is more pleasant for the interlocutor. But if you have difficulty expressing your thoughts and feelings, then don’t think about how to tell it interestingly and beautifully yet - just talk about what you want to say.
Tell us more about yourself
Tell funny and motivational stories from your life. But do it appropriately and never go negative. This means that you should not talk about your problems and illnesses, or complain about life. However, if in a private conversation a close friend asks about your affairs, then it is appropriate to talk about this. But it is inappropriate to simply cry and take the position of a victim. It is better to talk about problems in the context of overcoming them.
Show respect
Learn to listen to other people, support and help. Master the skill of attentive listening. The essence of the method is that you don’t just listen to the person and nod to the rhythm of his words, but really try to feel, live what he is talking about, look at the world through his eyes. If you are asked for advice, talk about your experience or what you would do in such a situation. If they don't ask you questions or ask for help, then don't impose. But demonstrate through speech, facial expressions, gestures and body position your readiness to help your interlocutor.
Remember at the beginning of the article we talked about psychological flexibility and open-mindedness? This also applies to respect for other people. Don't judge or condemn, try to understand the other person. Yes, you are not obligated to share someone’s opinion, but you must understand or at least try to understand the person’s motives and actions.
Be more positive
Develop positive thinking, as well as a sense of humor and self-irony. If you can laugh at yourself, then nothing can unsettle you. But the main thing is that no one else can hurt you, offend you, humiliate you, or insult you. Having a sense of humor will help you respond appropriately to criticism, especially incorrect criticism.
Method number 4. Become needed
If you have to attend a social event, this method will help you overcome panic and feel more needed. For example, you need to attend a big birthday party. Find out how you can help in advance. Maybe it will be preparing dessert, or seating guests. Or, for example, preparing props for a photo shoot. This approach will allow you to avoid the feeling of uselessness and be involved in business. You will also practice being in front of everyone, which will help you develop self-confidence.
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My experience
Judging by the fragments of my memories and the stories of other people, from birth I was an active and open child. I loved to be the center of attention, performed in all kinds of amateur performances, laughed loudly and sincerely, and was not afraid of people. And then complexes and traumas burst into my life, because of which I began to withdraw into myself. I could no longer be open and friendly with everyone, I was afraid to meet and communicate with other people.
Alone with the “chosen ones” (those who have been tested over the years and definitely accept anyone), I remained that same open, cheerful person. And in principle, it was possible to live like this, but until I moved to high school. And when I graduated from school, it became clear that it was impossible to live like this.
During self-analysis, I realized that I had not changed (as I initially thought), but had crushed myself. Somewhere in the depths of my soul there still lived that perky girl who knows how to joke, smiles when meeting even new acquaintances, has a relaxed conversation, is not afraid to express her opinion or tell something about herself, maybe wants to be the center of attention . And I realized that I missed it.
It turns out that I didn’t need to develop openness, but to regain myself. To do this, it was necessary to get rid of uncertainty, fears and complexes. It was also important to find your sources of strength (passions, hobbies) and decide on a profession. In general, in my opinion, self-acceptance and self-realization in life helps to become an open person.
I can’t say that now I have become as active and open as I once was in childhood. But I think there are two reasons for this. Firstly, the age is still different. For a long time now I have been focusing on the quality of contacts rather than quantity. And we shouldn’t forget about the spontaneity inherent in all children. Secondly, I do not rule out that excessive sociability and sociability in childhood were already a mechanism of psychological defense, because then I could be called more likely a follower than a leader. So here's another conclusion: openness and openness are different.
To analyze my progress, I focus on the following indicator: now I’m not afraid to interact with people, but sometimes it’s difficult (especially if the contact goes into the jungle of “you’re a psychologist”) and boring (I’ve already said that I stand for quality and don’t like conversations “ about nothing"). I also stopped being afraid of other people’s opinions and adapting to them, that is, I became truly open, and not convenient.
Method number 1. Set a goal
In the fight against fear complexes, it is important to remember: the best teacher in this matter is real experience. Of course, the theoretical component is important, but without proper practice there will be no effect. To overcome social anxiety, it is helpful to make a detailed plan for exactly how you will do it. Perhaps this is a visit to a sports section, or special psychological training. By the way, working with a psychologist can be very useful in many cases. With a specialist, a person works through negative attitudes and gets rid of complexes. Overcoming social phobia becomes much easier.
Method number 9. Get rid of tension
An important aspect of the fight against social phobia is reducing the general background of anxiety. When a person is constantly worried about certain questions and problems, he will not have the strength to train self-confidence. To overcome anxiety, it is helpful not only to challenge and challenge disturbing thoughts, but also to take care of your physiological state. To do this, you need to sleep enough time, do not forget about proper nutrition. A great way to relieve stress is to go swimming or visit the pool.
