What would you do - whether it concerns life or work - if you were not afraid of anything? Such a simple question awakens countless fantasies, desires and regrets.
If the fear of failure or seeming like a complete idiot has ever held you back from doing what your heart called for, you will need some very important advice from business consultant Sandya Bruegmann. There is no need to fight fear. Just accept it and don’t let your worries slow you down on the path to your dream.
Usually we consider fear as an unpleasant emotion, which we try to avoid with all our might. Fear literally paralyzes, so instincts willy-nilly switch to survival mode. Unfortunately, such behavior can lead to actions that have nothing to do with moving towards our goals.
Sandya Brugmann
business consultant
In other words, if you let fear control you, you may forget about success.
This is especially dangerous for entrepreneurs. Running a business can be a scary and exciting experience in itself: it involves taking on financial responsibilities, dealing with frustrated clients or employees, and realizing that the decisions you make affect not only your well-being, but also the lives of other people.
On the other hand, Brugmann notes, fear is an emotion inherent in humans by nature. You won’t be able to get rid of it once and for all, and you don’t need to.
We are not faced with the task of curbing fear and preventing its occurrence in the future. Our goal is to understand what it is and learn to act based on willpower and without burying our heads in the sand.
Richard Branson phrased the same idea a little differently.
Fear sometimes makes you wet yourself, but courage makes you act even in wet pants.
Richard Branson
entrepreneur, founder of Virgin Group
The metaphor is not the most elegant, but it conveys the essence absolutely correctly: do not give up on your dreams because of fears, just accept them as part of life. Here are some tips to help you stop being afraid and start doing something.
Don't let unnecessary thoughts take over
You will never be able to control everything that happens, but you are free to choose how to react to it. When something bad happens, we tend to look to ourselves for the cause.
For example, you worked for a long time to launch a large-scale project or negotiated with an intractable client, but in the end everything went to pieces. Does this mean that the project or idea was so-so? No. This doesn’t say anything at all about you as a person, so don’t bother yourself with reflection in vain. Think better about what the next step towards achieving your goal will be. And remember: your path to success is never tied to just one specific person or opportunity.
Requests for help Write your story Hello! My problem is that I am constantly afraid of everything. I'm anxious about going to school, I'm afraid to get a job, go to the store and even leave the house! If I have an urgent matter, such as calling someone or talking to someone in person, I shudder. My heart starts pounding and in the end I still won’t complete the planned conversation, and even if I do, it will take me a whole day to get ready. I do not believe in myself. It seems to me that everyone around me is aggressive and is secretly laughing at me. I live in my own world all the time (ideal, the way I imagined it for myself). Sometimes my fantasies take me so far that then, after a while, I don’t understand whether this event actually happened or not. I feel like I'm going crazy. That I'm a burden to my family. I don’t have money for a psychologist and I can’t ask my loved ones for advice. Thoughts of suicide are creeping into my head more and more often, but I understand how painful it will be for my loved ones. And I’m not capable of that either, I’ll even be scared of that. I don’t know what to do and how to live if I can’t live.
May, age: 19/19/11/2018
Responses:
Hello. And yet you can’t do it without a good psychologist. Moreover, if this problem has appeared now, at an already conscious age. If you have been quiet and silent since childhood, then this is easier; communication skills can be developed. Modesty and shyness are not bad qualities, but they should not turn into a phobia and prevent you from developing and living normally and fully. Moreover, you are a future wife and mother; serious responsibility for your husband and children falls on the shoulders of a woman. Look for trainings, read useful literature. Work on yourself. Perform some motivating tasks - ask a passerby “what time is it” or “how to get to such and such a street,” you can go into a store and start a conversation with the seller about some product. Try to communicate more, learn communication skills. You don’t have to think that people are aggressive, they laugh, in fact, no one wishes you harm. Your problem is solvable! This is the main thing! Good health and success to you!
Irina, age: 30 / 11/19/2018
Hello dear May! The reason for your fear is that you convince yourself of bad consequences without thinking about the good ones. And if you are sure of a bad result, then naturally you will worry and refuse the necessary actions. Perhaps you had bad experiences communicating with people, or you found yourself in situations that were uncomfortable or painful. Fear will pass if you accept failures in advance - after all, you are not perfect and there are no perfect people on earth. Allow yourself to make mistakes, because without mistakes there is no growth. Perhaps there will be many unpleasant situations in your life - you just need to come to terms with this fact, because it is better to do something and live better than to do nothing and feel like you are standing still... Over time, you will get used to treating any troubles normally, calmly accept your mistakes and stop being afraid of people or situations. Your life will become comfortable because the limiting framework will go away. You are not confident in yourself because you have not yet achieved your goals, and when you achieve them, you will respect yourself. What kind of life would you like in the future: where to live? where to work? what profession? what kind of family should I have? Set goals and outline ways to achieve them every day. Where there are many emotions, there are few creative actions. Concentration on experiences prevents you from rationally assessing your life. Try to worry less and do more. You are smart and beautiful, you will succeed! I am sure that your loved ones love you for who you are - such is parental love. They want you to be happy. Try to talk to them about your profession so that they can help you decide and perhaps help you until you get your specialty. Obtaining serious knowledge so that you can be a professional is much more important than working at your age! You can work and earn money for the rest of your life, but now is the time to study! I hope you have such opportunities. By the way, suicide is not deliverance from suffering, but the transition of an immortal soul to hell, where eternal suffering is much stronger than earthly suffering, so all that remains is to live and improve. I believe in your success, you will win!
Leah, age: 28/11/19/2018
You don’t have to talk to your loved ones about your problem; you can start with a simple heart-to-heart conversation, and then maybe you’ll be able to open up. At the age of 19, you can find money for a psychologist, in theory, there are also interest groups on similar topics in VK. Try to go into introspection, into literature on this genre, although these tips are banal. Well, it’s worth analyzing the causes of anxiety. Does listening to music make you feel better? You can walk down the street with music. Friends, if you have them, they don’t laugh at you. Close people, etc., and there are the same people around, although there are exceptions. Is it also not comfortable when you talk to your loved ones on the phone? As I see, this causes you great discomfort, which means you need and should look for a way out, and of course a creative one ^^. I wish you success.
Pavel, age: 19/11/19/2018
Hello. First of all, try to hold on to something dear to you, something that helps you. It's very good that you are not indifferent. The world is not perfect. We all know this. As for suicide, it’s terribly painful—it hurts to be born, it hurts to die. Never giving up is hard. You expect more from yourself than you can deliver. It’s worth working on yourself, trying to improve and never, ever giving up. They say that books are your best friends and you can find a lot of books on psychology, as well as a lot of interesting literature that you will definitely need. People are not perfect, but there are many kind people who can be very easily found if you want. The main desire. If you have a hobby, then look for clubs with similar interests, you can find support there. Friends are always good. Life is difficult now, but you can live, you can rejoice, you can laugh. Also, you can express everything that is in you in art. This will definitely help you. Don't think about the world, you can change yourself. I advise you to find friends, communicate more and find support from them. I wish you success and happiness. Never give up!
Ivan, age: 41 / 11/19/2018
Hello! I really sympathize with you. Just don't despair. There are psychological centers where the first consultation can be free. Try to find these. Still, this is very important, this is your health, so I think that about money you can persuade your parents or borrow from loved ones for now. Just don’t beat yourself up and think you’re going crazy. It's no wonder you live in an imaginary world if the real one bothers you. And you try to find something interesting in the real world that would keep you in reality and pull you out of the imaginary world. Communicate with loved ones more often, share your experiences with them. Read psychological books on the Internet for fears. Try to understand when and for what reason they started for you. https://www.pobedish.ru/main/strah https://www.pobedish.ru/main/samopoznanie https://www.pobedish.ru/main/depress You can talk to a psychologist online to make it easier for you deal with everything. And you can also ask the Lord for help) God created you as a wonderful person, He loves you very much and will never leave you) Ask Him for help more often and it will become easier for you) God is always with you) I wish you the meaning of life, more patience and strength, good relationships in the family, success in studies, good health, always a good mood, happiness, more joy and peace in life and all the best! Hold on, God will help you! Guardian Angel to you! Warm hugs, you are not alone!
Anastasia, age: 20 / 11/24/2018
Previous request Next request Return to the beginning of the section
| print version |
Learn to hear your fear
Try to recognize the signs of fear as early as possible and understand how it affects you. Yes, it's not that simple. Sandya Brugmann believes that clarifying who we really are is one of the most difficult tasks. The biggest lie, the truth of which we ourselves believe and force others to believe, is the idea of ourselves as a whole and unchanging person.
In fact, we consist of many subpersonalities. Our task is to thoroughly study each of them, finding positive features and those that are worth adjusting. There is no place for judgment here. This is just the path to growth, change, the ability to curb fear and make informed choices based on your inner strength.
Treatment of these disorders
The classic treatment regimen for these disorders is a combination of taking psychotropic drugs (antidepressants, tranquilizers, and sometimes antipsychotics) and psychotherapy. Many specialists (including psychotherapists and medical psychologists at our Center) note the disadvantages of this scheme:
- the presence of side effects of drugs;
- the risk of developing dependence on drugs (interruption of use can provoke a new surge of anxiety or fear);
- medications themselves do not help a person acquire self-regulation and self-support skills, or overcome psychological problems, but only “extinguish” the primary symptom;
- some drugs can cause severe lethargy and drowsiness, which interferes with psychotherapeutic work and a full life.
As a rule, states of fear and panic are associated with the experience of psychological trauma, as well as with certain personality traits that are prerequisites for the formation of this spectrum of disorders. A person can block his own desires and needs for years for the sake of, for example, meeting external standards of success and well-being. Live a life that is not your own. Or face a sudden loss, grief, and, having recovered after some time, continue to carry its fragments within you. All of these situations are sources of stress, which, when accumulated, can cause painful emotional states.
Our specialists - medical psychologists and psychotherapists - will conduct psychological diagnostics that will help identify the source of anxiety and stress and develop an individual psychological/psychotherapeutic route, selecting the program you need without the use of medications.
Working with our Center’s specialists will help you quickly and effectively cope with states of fear, panic, and phobias, prevent their recurrence and find inner harmony. Sign up for an initial consultation with a specialist from our Center by phone or fill out the application form on the website.
In a dark, dark house
As for the “most alarming generation,” that’s putting it mildly.
Back in the blessed year of 2005, according to a VTsIOM survey, 70% of the population considered it quite likely that “a sharp decline in their living standards, even to the point of famine.” And another 23% believed it was “possible, but unlikely.” It would seem, why? In 2005, the Russian economy grew at the fastest pace since the collapse of the USSR, the price of oil broke records, and an unprecedented consumer boom grew on cheap loans. And no problems with the West. Against this background, people began to actively buy property and have children. But 58% of Russians still considered it very possible that Russia would die out due to low birth rates and that the country would be populated by representatives of other nationalities. At the same time, only 26% of Russians believed in the likelihood of military conflicts with their closest neighbors (the VTsIOM questionnaire explicitly named Georgia, Ukraine and the Baltic countries). People even considered a civil war in Russia more likely. And only 18% considered it “almost unrealistic” that oil, gas and other mineral reserves would soon run out.
“There are normal and neurotic anxiety,” says psychologist Maria Berlin. “There is a very real risk of getting hurt while riding a motorcycle through the streets or drinking a bottle of vodka every evening.” But many people are afraid to walk across rivers on bridges or step on a crack in the sidewalk - this is a neurotic anxiety when there is no real risk of getting hurt. The Soviet generation was just fearless with too much. It reasoned like this: since childhood, we have been drinking tap water, driving in cars without child seats, climbing construction sites, sometimes breaking our legs there, but we are still alive. Hence the eternal readiness to fight and the monstrous neglect of diseases, in which doctors were approached on a stretcher. Among today's young people we see the other extreme: refusal of any doses of alcohol, readiness to constantly keep children wearing masks and helmets.
Some will say that the phobias of residents in developed countries are even less related to real danger. In the USA and Europe, clubs of aerophobes have thousands of members: they help each other move around the world without the help of airplanes. Although the mathematical chance of getting killed while traveling by car is several times higher. And in India and Indochina, psychiatrists described the widespread “Korot fear” - the fear that the penis will be drawn into the body of its owner and devour him from the inside. It is not a fact that “Coro’s fear” is more justified than a revision of the results of privatization, but it is much more emotionally vivid.
With the development of civilization, the list of phobias is constantly growing. Scientists say that approximately 50 years after the invention of a new household appliance, people appear who begin to be terrified of it. That is, after the invention of television, people are inevitably found who are afraid of the glowing screen. The most common of the new phobias is fear of terrorist attacks: people walk around trash cans and panic when firecrackers explode.
If in 2005 the main fears of Russians (hunger, totalitarianism, external aggression) were caused by post-Soviet trauma, today they are not much different from Westerners: career failure, baldness, impotence. But for once, in terms of fear, Russia did not show itself as a country of extremes. Quite the opposite: after the terrorist attacks in Turkey, the number of German tourists decreased by 70%, while Russian tourists only increased. After all, tours have become a little cheaper!
How does fear work?
The ancient Roman Stoic Seneca wrote: “If you want to fear nothing, remember that you can fear everything.” Epochs in history are marked by varieties of fashionable fears.
For example, in the 18th century it was the fear of imaginary death. People were manically afraid of being buried and waking up with unpleasant surprise in a coffin. At the turn of the century, apocalyptic scenarios became popular. When man took his own destruction into his own hands with the invention of the atomic bomb, W. H. Auden wrote the poem “The Age of Fear” (1947) and Leonard Bernstein wrote the symphony of the same name (1949). Today, anyone can fear SARS, terrorists, global warming, genetically modified radishes and widespread bird flu. Life has become more interesting, but much more scary.
