An indifferent person or “don’t care” is a character that perfectly complements the picture of today’s world and even claims to be “positive” status. Having set himself a goal, he is able to concentrate on it to such an extent that other areas of his life (including concern for the welfare of loved ones) fade into the background.
This ability in modern society is called determination (some psychologists call it relative indifference) and is considered a positive quality. An absolute “don’t care” differs from a relative one in that he is indifferent not only to the needs of other people, but also to his own.
The ideal form of indifference is considered to be reasonable “not giving a damn.” The attractiveness of this form of indifference is that, regardless of what impression this person leaves about himself, he will remain indifferent in any situation, “not noticing” negative events. But if he does notice something negative, he will not attach any importance to it.
What is indifference
Some researchers believe that indifference is a symptom of psychological problems such as personal and existential crisis, depression, apathy, asthenia and others. According to this theory, an indifferent attitude towards the world is caused by a lack of understanding of one’s place in it, confusion, and fatigue.
In other sources there is a comparison between not giving a fuck and humility and inner harmony. This is a philosophical vision of the world, emphasizing that everything that happens in the world is vanity, and only man himself and his harmony with nature matter.
Well, the third explanation, which is related to the second, says that not caring is a protective mechanism of the psyche, a component of stress resistance. There are no worries, no value judgments, no anxiety and close perception of the situation - no stress with its characteristic consequences: burnout, nervous breakdown, overwork, mental disorders.
Definition
Indifference is a negative spiritual and moral quality of a person, which manifests itself in the form of indifference, coldness, indifference towards people, events or actions.
Once upon a time in the Church Slavonic language the word “indifference” had a different meaning - INDIFFERENCE, that is, unanimity, a single state of soul. Today it is customary to call this a vice, the basis of many crimes, misdeeds and other actions that entail negative consequences both for others and for the person himself.
Our country, once famous for its high moral qualities, has in recent years begun to actively get rid of such principles. It has become fashionable to live for yourself, take everything from life, have fun, and not owe anyone anything.
It’s sad that not only the younger generation now lives by such principles, but also more mature people who were taught to take grandmothers across the road, take patronage over lagging classmates and provide all possible help to strangers, calling themselves Timurites.
A little later we will discuss why this happened. In the meantime, let's see what indifference can be.
Reasons for not giving a fuck
It is advisable to talk about the reasons for not caring only within the framework of the first theory. If we are talking about complete indifference, then indifference can be caused by:
- fatigue;
- burnout, overwork;
- personal, age-related, existential crisis;
- lack of purpose, meaning in life;
- non-acceptance, misunderstanding of oneself;
- life's uncertainty.
In addition, aggressive, unhealthy, cynical indifference can be the result of protective mechanisms of overcompensation and devaluation:
- A variant of overcompensation: a person was worried about all sorts of little things, became disappointed in himself and people, but was unable to consciously cope with anxiety. In response to this, a protective mechanism of the psyche was activated - overcompensation in the form of complete indifference.
- Devaluation option: a person suffered so often, became disappointed in people, that he devalued himself and the whole world. Now the individual believes that everything is temporary and meaningless, and therefore cannot fully enjoy life or experience happiness. He is convinced that the whole world is an illusion invented by people themselves.
In other cases, indifference is not something pathological or dangerous. On the contrary, reasonable indifference is an important part of the thinking of a mature person. This provides the resilience we all crave.
Do opposites attract?
Families built by people with different temperaments and characters are considered stronger. A classic example of such a union is the heroes of Vera Alentova and Alexei Batalov in the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”, Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov in Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace”. But not in a movie or book, but in a real couple created by a perfectionist and his antipode, according to psychiatrist Mikhail Gordeev, serious problems will arise.
“It is unlikely that they will get together. And even great love will quickly fade away, because they have different perceptions of the world. After all, in a couple, a person often sets criteria for a partner. And a perfectionist can set criteria in productivity, punctuality, and beauty. He may have an ideal of beauty, and, say, he will like a beautiful woman, but in the morning she will still wake up with a rumpled face, and this is already a violation of the ideal.”
Is it good or bad
Indifference is an impartial, unemotional, indifferent attitude towards everything that happens in the world and life. On the one hand, it really protects against worries and stress. But on the other hand, indifference sometimes turns into complete passivity, which hinders the development of personality. After all, a person develops only through his own activity.
And how can you completely eliminate emotions? They help us understand ourselves, identify what we don’t like and what we want to fight. Complete indifference is not limited to the level of emotions; it usually affects the sphere of motives, will, and activity. A complete indifference goes with the flow.
But the exclusion of negative emotions has a beneficial, healing effect. This is the so-called healthy indifference. For example, recognizing that not everything is under our control. Situations happen that we just have to accept and move on. In this case, the person who doesn’t care follows the motto: “If a problem has a solution, then you shouldn’t worry about it, and if there is no solution, then worrying is even more pointless, because worrying won’t change anything.”
If indifference does not turn into total indifference, devaluation of universal human values, such as health, life, family, then it has a positive effect on the psyche. Some people get hung up on little things, for example, someone may worry for a month because the cafe doesn’t have their favorite coffee. And someone understands that coffee is a trifle. It is better to spend energy on more significant and serious things: career advancement, self-development, improving relationships with a partner.
Indifference kills
The client's indifference is a reflection of the manager's indifference
I, Elena Vasilkova, am a business coach at the training company SOVA. My key topics are sales and negotiations. Year after year, training after training, I immerse myself in the life of sales managers and negotiators. In their victories and defeats, in their discoveries and disappointments. I observe primary trends and long-term trends in sales. What interests me most is how people adapt to change. And the reason for managerial grief in recent years is deadly indifference. The client doesn't want anything. The client is tired of the monotonous pressure “then a seal will call, then a deer.” The client has everything.
What about salespeople? Sales people label the client with the definition of “snickering”; those who are more correct – spoiled, picky, capricious. And all these words truly reflect a reality in which there is no longer room for one-hit wonders and quick success. Yes, many people nostalgically remember a time when the grass was greener, the water wetter, and the customers more accommodating. There were few companies on the market and they all differed, and differed significantly, in product, conditions, and something else. There was something to tell the manager at the “presentation” stage. And the client was interested to hear, where else would he know this? The objections were simple-hearted and easily overcome by the seller with the help of “cunning” templates. Let me remind you that we are talking about ancient times, and then in Rus' there was a lot of things missing, broadband Internet and furious competition among them.
Now the market is full of absolutely identical offers, often only the names differ, and the client’s “spam” folder is filled with dozens of identical proposals. A product that is so similar that its own mother cannot tell the difference; the differences in conditions are tiny. And the client will receive any information from his smartphone - more precisely, faster and without visits from unknown people. He no longer needs memorized presentations and techniques for dealing with objections, he knows it all - better than another confused salesman with a standard offer. “Not interesting” is the most common objection.
As someone who has discussed this humanitarian catastrophe with hundreds of sellers, I can say that it is killing them. They know so much about their product and the history of their company, but no one wants to listen to it. And they are categorically unhappy about this. It becomes even sadder when during the training we, together with the sellers, temporarily take the place of the buyer. The epiphany comes when salespeople realize that they were never really interested in the customer. Yes, they know about the “identification of needs” stage, and they also heard that questions should be asked. And they even asked, secretly considering it a stupid formality and dreaming of quickly moving on to the presentation. What difference does it make what he wants, we have the goods here.
And as a result, sellers of goods and services for business do not know how the business works and what is happening in it, even among their most promising contacts. They have been calling them for years to find out if they suddenly want to cooperate, but do not make any effort to create this desire. It has always been interesting and important for sellers to talk about their own, their product, their conditions, their plan. Even when the client suddenly (!) began to answer a formally asked lonely question at some length, the seller began to internally roll his eyes “who cares” and fidget impatiently, waiting for his turn to speak. Argument, convince, put pressure. A favorite request from salespeople for training is “Teach the squeeze!” A sad world of aggressive fantasies, where a good contract and fruitful cooperation can supposedly be squeezed out. The idea that a client can be “pushed,” chatted up, and forced to agree with “three yeses” is as old as the “Field of Miracles” program. It is truly amazing that for almost 30 years, a generation has been cramming rules while worshiping, which now do not help them win at all.
Let's imagine a regular visit
Decision Maker - it’s the height of the day, your mouth is full of worries, the phone is ringing off the hook, letters are already falling from the mail onto the table, schools of subordinates and contractors are merging into the usual background. Not only do they make mistakes, but they also whine, either they have a crisis or a mortgage. And decisions must be made. Faithful. Plan, think about tomorrow, figure out where else the business will be squeezed or what will be allowed. And so that the backbone of the employees does not run away, and they are all gentle, do not say a word. They're all eager to go on vacation! And who will work? And I poured coffee in the morning, but never drank it.
And here it is! Against the backdrop of everything, another... assertive one broke through...
And for at least 10 minutes, a tired and skeptical Face watches in front of him a character who does not care about his worries and business problems, a person who cheerfully reports his desires: “Our company... We are on the market... We would like... We have... Our... “Having formally asked a couple of questions and not listening to the answers, knowing nothing about the affairs of the company in which he is currently located, he makes a request to the client as if he were his mother and should immediately give him what he wants.
And when, with the last of his strength, the polite Face says: “Thank you, not interested” (Your price is high/The supplier is satisfied/We have everything/The budget has been allocated) the newcomer rushes into battle. He was taught, he has the right patterns for dealing with objections!
Here I want to lower the curtain out of mercy, I think the end of the scene is obvious
When the client clearly sees that the manager is not interested in what will happen after the money is transferred, he “just wants to sell”, no memorized speech modules will save him. The client's indifference is only a reflection of the managers' indifference. But this does not mean that everything is lost - contracts will no longer be concluded in the world. How they will conclude! Ahead of us lies a large redevelopment of the old and the opening of many new markets.
The client's indifference is a reflection of the manager's indifference
Yes, the world has changed once again, and yes, different skills are needed now. The technique of the Infinitely Tiring Self-Centered Presentation reduces the chances of getting signed, and the techniques from the “Intelligence” and “Creating Trust” blocks have every chance of working for you.
Pay attention to the Decision Makers and their facial expressions, take an interest in the clients’ business, forget about the concept of “who cares, it’s just a job,” and may the force be with you!
Not giving a fuck as a defense against stress
A healthy person who doesn’t give a damn knows how to enjoy life, set priorities, relax, and spend their energy rationally. He is always calm, impenetrable, he cannot be controlled, manipulated, pressed for pity or other emotions. But it is emotions and feelings that are the basis of manipulation.
A person who doesn't care only deals with what is really important and useful for him. He is not controlled by envy or comparison, therefore he does not pursue other people's goods, happiness, or makes significant what he does not have. He doesn't waste his time chasing other people; he regularly surpasses only himself. A person who doesn't care lives impartially.
Traits characteristic of an indifference:
- prudence;
- composure;
- calmness in crisis situations;
- slowness;
- equanimity;
- stable mood background;
- stable vision of the world;
- stable behavior.
Obviously, such a person is resistant to stress. He adequately assesses situations, sees difficulties, opportunities, prospects, and does not allow the problem to take over his thinking. A person who doesn't care deliberately ignores petty troubles and threats. The question is what the person ultimately classified as unnecessary, small.
If a person who doesn’t give a damn sees the point in something, can answer the question “why” (“what the hell”), and the answer satisfies him, then all indifference subsides. A person who doesn't care is a source of energy, a person with great potential. You just need to find a few main guidelines “why” in order to achieve success in life, and not become a passive observer of it.
“There is only one way to happiness - to stop worrying about things that are not subject to our will,” - Epictetus, ancient Greek philosopher.
A person who doesn’t like everything can be safely called, for example, “gloomy,” although this word is not used so often in modern speech, it must be admitted. An excellent and more common word for a person of this kind is “grump” (or “grump”, from the word to grumble, that is, to angrily express one’s extreme dissatisfaction); there are also the words “michura” (derived from the word “michura”, that is, to frown, wince, scowl, look angrily), “sevryuk” (in fact, sevryuks are the descendants of the northerners, the Eastern Slavs; apparently, these comrades were distinguished by their stern character), “tukhtyr” (from the word “tukhtyritsya” - this is what they said in some parts of Russia when a person is sulking, angry, pouting his lips silently), “buka” (by the way, buka is an imaginary scarecrow with which some educators used to frighten children) . A person who doesn’t like everything can be called a “grumbler”, as well as a “knucklehead”, “creaky one”, “bummer”, “mizzer”, “cooer”, “creaky one”, “guzzler”. In some companies, such people are called “fish” for some reason. Also, a person who does not like everything can be called “indignant”, “sad”, “murmuring”, “murmuring”, “angry”, “angry”, “grumpy”, “dissatisfied”, “unhappy”, “gloomy”, “not experiencing a feeling of satisfaction”, “gloomy”, “irritable”, “annoyed”, “annoyed”, “sour”, “angry”, “sour-faced”, “spitted on”. They say about such a person that he is “out of spirit,” “out of mood,” “got off on the left foot,” “got off on the wrong foot,” “like he swallowed a fly.” Sources used:
- https://gudi1991.ru/otnosheniya/chto-takoe-bezrazlichna.html
- https://otvet.ws/questions/5068462-kak-nazvat-cheloveka-kotoromu-vsjo-bezrazlichno.html
- https://psychologist.tips/3841-chto-takoe-pofigizm-horosho-ili-ploho-prichiny-iz-psihologii-pofigizm-kak-zashhita-ot-stressa.html
- https://otvet.hi.ru/12752/kak-nazvatj-cheloveka-kotoromu-vse-ne-nravitsya
Why is indifference dangerous?
The Polish poet and prose writer Bruno Jasieński wrote the following saying as an epigraph in his novel “Conspiracy of the Indifferent”:
“Don't be afraid of your enemies - in the worst case, they can kill you.
Don't be afraid of your friends - in the worst case, they can betray you.
Fear the indifferent - they do not kill or betray, but only with their tacit consent does betrayal and murder exist on earth.”
A phrase from Theodore Roosevelt’s book, taken from the text of a poem by the Italian Renaissance thinker, also echoes it:
“Dante reserved a special inglorious place in hell for those who did not dare to take either the side of good or the side of evil.”
Today it is quite easy to imagine a situation where a person is attacked in a gateway, and passers-by are filming what is happening on their mobile phones, instead of helping or calling the police. They remain neutral: “My house is on the edge, I don’t know anything!”, “Not my problems.” Passers-by do not show violence, but silently allow the crime to be committed.
Would you like to be in the shoes of a victim of such an incident? Don't think. This is just one example, but there are many, many similar situations.
Indifference breeds indifference. Indifferent parents raise indifferent children, and a passive society gives rise to passive followers. Each new generation develops through the accumulation of social experience. What will the next generation accumulate, seeing examples of indifference all around?
The concepts of responsiveness and empathy are opposite in meaning. They are the ones who help maintain a connection with morality, which makes us human and shapes our personality.
