As children, we were taught that we should not lie. Never to anyone. However, life, as often happens, crosses out school lessons and stubbornly pokes us into the fact that you cannot live without lying. And tireless British researchers of everything in the world also add: it turns out that any adult tells a lie about 88 thousand times in his life!
The list of the most common deceptions includes, of course, everyone’s favorite “Good to see you,” “No money, I’m broke now,” and “Thank you, I really really like it.” That is, everyone lies, to everyone, always. But some do it well, making life easier for themselves and pleasing those around them, while others do it not so well, bringing only pain and suffering to everyone around them.
So, how can you learn to cheat easily, beautifully and safely? In this matter, as in any other, there are secrets and unwritten laws.
Little and big lies require equal attention
This is one of the main rules that a future master of lies must learn. Each of your deceptions, regardless of its meaning, you will have to remember forever and build your future behavior based on this. However, some people think that it is enough to remember only the most important deceptions, and little lies do not deserve any attention. This is where inexperienced liars usually end up. Having piled up a whole mountain of untruths, they then forget what, to whom and when they said it.
Therefore, try to remember well every, even the smallest, stroke. And since human memory is not limitless and you definitely won’t be able to remember everything, the main rule follows from this:
Lie as little as possible. This is the only way to achieve verisimilitude.
Involve a minimum of third parties
Turning lies into a continuation of “Warrior and Peace” is extremely dangerous. If you have a dubious reputation behind you and your version will be checked, take precautions. First, clearly discuss the course of events with your accomplices. Do you already have convincing details ready? Describe them in detail to your accomplices.
Ideally, the number of witnesses should approach zero. A loyal friend or girlfriend with sufficient IQ, able to remember the date, time and place and present the facts in the correct order. The more people you involve in your plan, the greater the likelihood of failure. Someone will be drunk at the time of interrogation, someone will be driving - and all hell breaks loose.
Women show much more courage and inspiration when it comes to complex designs. I know a girl who involved dozens of people in a system of lying to her husband: she managed to fly to different cities, once even paying for a ticket with her husband’s card. Someone would take her from home “to the bathhouse,” for which she always had a backpack ready: a towel and washcloth on top, shoes and an evening dress underneath, they would come for her, taking their own child for convincing, or her husband himself would take her to friend, but all her routes invariably ended in someone else’s bed. Two years. In the end, of course, there was a divorce, but the network was never revealed.
Use distraction and switching
A true master of deception, like the Spanish matador, draws his sword only at the decisive moment and delivers only one blow. The rest of the time, he skillfully distracts the victim's attention with the help of skillful movements of his red cloak. The art of lying uses similar techniques, and sometimes skillfully switching the interlocutor’s attention to another object or changing the topic of conversation eliminates the need to lie altogether. Think over your line of behavior in advance in such a way that you don’t have to tell a lie at all. Just be careful not to overdo it, because incompetent use of a muleta can cost the matador his life!
Lying is akin to being an actor
The art of lying is sometimes compared to acting. However, not all of us are actors, so not every accountant, builder or seamstress, for example, will be able to get into the role. You can resort to publicly available information with tips on how to learn to lie. But oddly enough, they do not always correspond to publications on how to recognize a liar. Therefore, we will act differently - we will use the weapons of whistleblowers in favor of those being exposed.
- To expose a liar, you need to closely observe the action of his left hand. The secret is that a right-hander, who uses his right hand more often for any task, has somehow learned to control it. The same cannot be said about the left hand - it will give away a lie by twitching, excessive gestures, straightening your hair or scratching your nose. Advice: if you want to learn to lie, learn to control both hemispheres of the brain, as well as both limbs.
- Hands generally tend to give away a liar. They are constantly trying to occupy themselves with something - covering their mouth, stroking their neck, straightening their hair, rubbing their nose. It is the continuous movement of the hands that will give away the deceiver. Tip: Place your hands in a humble position and remain still. At the very least, keep your hands away from your face.
- Incoherent speech, some hesitation in the story, changes in the pace of conversation. These are generally signs of ill-conceived or unrehearsed speech. Inventing as he goes, the liar slows down the pace, then, fearing to be discovered, speeds it up, and then, in order not to give away his intentions, slows it down again. Advice: stay calm. Before lying, think through all the details to the smallest detail and tell your story to yourself at least a couple of times.
- If a liar is asked to tell his story from end to beginning, he will certainly get confused in the facts and reveal his lie. Tip: Try telling your planned lie backwards to yourself. Be attentive to details, they will always help you look more believable.
- The eyes, as a mirror of the soul, are apparently also a reflection of intentions. That's why a liar always turns his eyes to the left and then down. By lowering not only his eyes, but also his head, the liar is intently coming up with information for you. If the interlocutor raises his eyes upward, then at that moment he tries to visualize images from visual memory. And in general, inexperienced liars try to avert their eyes to the side, so to speak, they cannot withstand the gaze of their conscience. Advice: look your interlocutor in the eyes, but not directly into the pupils, so as not to scare or arouse unnecessary suspicion, but a little higher: at the eyelashes, eyebrows, etc.
- Emotions do not always go hand in hand with lies. At least they are late. It is the discrepancy between the emotions and the story that will reveal a liar. If a friend says she is very glad to see you, but starts smiling after a few seconds, she is lying. Advice: this is exactly where acting talent comes in handy. Rehearse and rehearse again. Imagine that everything you tell is really true or could be true.
- As mentioned above, details are the key to successful lies. Therefore, a lie can be recognized either by an overly short, dry story, or by a story with the smallest details. Advice: You should not tell your interlocutor everything with which you decided to decorate your story on your own initiative. Leave details for additional questions.
- In order to make sure that the lie was successful or to convince the deceived person of this, a person can assure you with the phrases “Honestly” or “Why will I lie to you.” Advice: be confident in your abilities, do not let doubts surface. This way you will deprive your interlocutor of any reason to doubt your “truth”.
Add real facts to your story. If you are going to the bathhouse with friends, but you are lying that you will be repairing your car in the garage until nightfall, then at least tell us about those you met on the way to the garage, what they were wearing or what events they told you about. This makes the lie look more believable.
Think in advance about who might reveal your secret and take care that this doesn’t happen. Finally, think about how justified your lie is, what consequences may occur if the lie is revealed. It may be better to be determined and have an honest, serious conversation now than to invite even more problems on yourself later.
Never make excuses or confess
If you are suspected of lying, then the worst thing you can do is to start inventing more and more lies to justify yourself. If the building is shaking, then it is necessary to escape from it, and not urgently complete new floors. Therefore, respond to all accusations with proud, offended silence or switching to another topic.
As for “voluntary surrender,” this is tantamount to a direct shot in the temple. There are often situations when the truth is equally harmful for both sides and the party accusing you, just like you, despite all the harassment, would not want to hear it. Never give up, even when your back is against the wall. Stand your ground against logic, evidence and common sense.
Everyone has their own lies
Lies occur to us at every step and do not always have malicious intent behind them. You have to lie so as not to offend the person: “You look great,” “You’ve lost so much weight,” “Glad to see you,” “I can’t borrow money, I’m broke myself,” “Thank you, I like it,” etc. This is not even called lying, but politeness. Just like lying to your boss: “I’m sick, I can’t go to work” or lying as a cost of the profession. For example, according to statistics, the most liars are involved in the trade sector - more than 67% of the total. It’s not hard to guess why – to earn more.
An example of this was the most famous liar of the 20th century - Victor Lustig, who managed to sell the Eiffel Tower twice. But in addition to architectural monuments, Victor sold machines for printing dollars, was involved in counterfeiting and other scams, which is once again proven by statistics. Moreover, increased frankness of a person is a disease and one of the symptoms of schizophrenia! Therefore, lying is a certain sign of normality, and in addition to outright criminal intent, politeness and salvation, a person needs a little lie in the following cases:
- Gossip is the main source of lies. Anything that was accidentally heard or specifically spied on will be embellished and exaggerated by the gossiper. Having passed through several curious ears, the story becomes overgrown with incredible facts that have broken many lives.
- Excuses. When in a story a person justifies his action with a lie. For example, when a child hasn’t cleaned the room or hasn’t done his homework in a story to his parents, he begins to come up with excuses like he had a stomach ache or “had to help grandma.”
- Solidarity and empathy. A very common reason for lying. In this case, you may not tell the child where the cat’s kittens went or protect Aunt Katya from an attack by concealing that her friend, for example, had an accident.
- Boasting. The desire to stand out favorably from others forces fishermen to exaggerate their catch, women - the number of suitors, men - the performance of their cars, etc. Moreover, men lie much more often in this case. Freud even theorized that this was due to the essence of alpha males. But in fact, this is a simple need for self-affirmation.
- Self-deception. It is not known who suffers from it more - the deceived or the deceiving. After all, the lying person in this case sincerely believes that he is right. However, before a liar crosses the line of reality, he may lie out of low self-esteem, selfishness, pride, envy or fear.
There is another variant of pathological lying - this is a disease called “mythomania”. This is a clinical case and nothing can be done about it. And sometimes people knowingly agree to be lied to. For example, 61% of women unknowingly consent to lies about their appearance or their partner’s high feelings. If you need to learn to lie precisely for this purpose, and not to sell the Eiffel Tower or maybe the Statue of Liberty, then following the advice will help you achieve mastery.
Don't lie to your loved ones and those who love you
You can think through your line of behavior many moves ahead. You can practice brilliant acting skills in front of the mirror and develop the most believable intonations. You will provide yourself with an alibi, witnesses, a second line of defense and an escape route.
But they still know the truth. This cannot be scientifically explained; we don’t believe in all this “feels in the heart” and “dreams in a dream.” Let's put it another way: a special non-verbal psychophysiological contact is established between some people, thanks to which they unconsciously feel the slightest changes in each other's state. So it's better not to even try. It still won't work.
What secrets of successful deception can our readers share? Only honestly!
Control your voice
Take a cue from Frank Sinatra when he sings “Strangers in the night.” I am ready to believe his every word: I swear, everything happened like that. Why? And he puts it well! However, it is easier to deceive a man than a woman. For genetic reasons, women are much more sensitive to the nuances of speech and isolate inconsistencies from what they hear. It is this ability that allows them to hear the cry of their baby amid the roar of an electric meat grinder. The highest category of complexity is wives and mothers. During the time you spent together, your speech was recorded in their memory in the form of a certain set of vibrations (don’t delude yourself that women are interested in what you weave every day). Deviations in timbre and tempo are immediately registered and raise suspicion. It’s better to lie to men, so the risk of getting caught is much less. But in all cases, follow simple rules: relax your abdominal muscles, free your breath, breathe evenly. Laugh in the right places, there is nothing more useful for distracting attention than laughter.
Ability to lie
The ability to lie is, first of all, a complex thought process.
Hiding deception, the ability to convince people around you requires the expenditure of mental abilities. Do not be mistaken that if you are an honest and decent person, you will never lie to others. Statistics say otherwise. Anyone, even the most scrupulously honest person, lies at least 5 times a day.
- See also: My boyfriend is lying to me: what should I do?
It is impossible to exist in a normal society without lies.
Have you never hidden unpleasant facts from your past life from others, never told your colleagues how wonderful they are, or hid your problems with your boyfriend, husband, or colleagues from your parents? All of the above can be attributed to lies that exist in the everyday life of every person.
But what about an honest person?
An honest person needs to understand that everyone lies.
Moreover, lying does not necessarily have bad purposes. If you are constantly afraid of lying and that you will be exposed, then this will happen. Moreover, with such thoughts you will not be able to lie convincingly. At the end of the article, it can be noted that modern life forces us to lie. Therefore, do not learn to lie on purpose, it will not benefit you. In order to lie calmly, so that no one suspects you, constant practice is required. Practice your skills, carefully monitor your speech and movements during this “bad deed,” analyze the words you say.
Good luck to you in this life!!!
Pondyakova Elena · 05 Jul, 2018
Don't eat with your eyes
Liars don't always look away. On the contrary, they usually stare at their interlocutor as if at a miracle of God. Because, firstly, we’ve read a lot of magazines where they say that when lying you need to look into the eyes, and secondly, it’s very interesting - how will a person react to a lie?
We hide our eyes when we feel anxious or embarrassed, but not necessarily when we are in trouble. The best tactic is the time-tested “corner-to-nose-to-object” scheme. You can also look anywhere in the first half of the phrase and turn your gaze to the interlocutor only at the end of the statement - this is approximately what we usually do.
Attack when you are caught in a lie
So, for years you have been deceiving a person. And suddenly he has in his hands irrefutable evidence of your lies. What to do in such situations? There's nothing much left to lose. All you need is to gain a little time in order to think through new tactics of behavior.
Go on the offensive. Let's say your girlfriend found correspondence on social networks with representatives of the opposite sex. Of course, she will demand an explanation.
Do not under any circumstances confess your sins. On the contrary, accuse her of not having the right to read your correspondence and that she doesn’t care about you at all. Try to turn the conversation in a different direction in order to deprive the interlocutor of peace of mind and confidence in his rightness.
Train your memory
Photo: weblyest.com
As you enter the slippery slope of being a liar, remember that you will have to keep all the details of your essays in mind. A good liar is like a chess player: in cases of multi-move combinations, he keeps all the threads under control, like a spider in a web. Only a complete idiot would take notes, it’s better to admit everything right away, the result is still the same. Laziness of mind is punished by exposure. A friend of mine had a strong passion for order; she kept all her vacation photos, both with her husband and with her lover, in the “Vacation” folder on her work computer. Convenient and no need to search. Needless to say, her husband once stopped by her office asking her to send a couple of emails?
Lying is akin to high art. It combines acting and math skills, trains mental flexibility, memory and in the long run promotes longevity of the brain. If it were not for the moral and ethical nuances, I would recommend lying in a high school course. Alas, at the moment we are left with crosswords, puzzles and macramé courses.
Speech
Yuna Makeeva offers to rehearse the speech. It is important to try to speak clearly, without long pauses, maintaining the usual pace. Watch your breath
“When telling information that is a lie in advance, a person constantly experiences anxiety. When announcing a lie, a person suddenly begins to involuntarily change his intonation. A sharp acceleration in the voice appears, or, conversely, a smooth slowdown and stretching of the conversation. If a person is very worried about the information he is conveying, the interlocutor’s voice will tremble. At the same time, changes in combination with other signs affect the timbre and volume of the voice, hoarseness appears, or the person pronounces words at high notes,” Shamil Sharinsky exposes the liar.
There is another way that Ilya Anishchenko advises: use magic words when answering: “I want to say,” “I must say,” “It is necessary to say.” Thus, you shift the emphasis for your brain and rid yourself of outright lies. Here Ilya gives an example:
“What is the difference between saying, “I didn’t kill Kennedy” and saying, “I mean, I didn’t kill Kennedy”? In the first case, I directly deny some action, in the second, I talk about my desire to say it. At the same time, I could have killed him, but I really want to say that I didn’t do it, and that will be true.”
Believe in everything yourself
The universal and invincible way to lie is to believe yourself that it was so. This is a major league Oscar nomination for Lies. However, only true artists are capable of this. The inspired chatter of these citizens will find a way to any heart: their eyes glow with a restrained brilliance, their voice lulls, their gestures inspire confidence, and now Konstantin Sergeevich wipes away an old tear, saying: “Darling, I believe you.” This requires time and preparation. Rehearse your part in front of the mirror, looking deep into your soul, memorize it from beginning to end and back again, until your legend begins to appear in your dreams.
Think over the details
It is the details that make a lie convincing and indistinguishable from the most honest truth. Because usually in speech we pay a lot of attention to them. But lies, as a rule, are poor in detail - an inexperienced liar thinks through the plot, but completely forgets to write down the characters and the setting. At best, he thinks through only those details that he is going to mention - he will tell you in vivid colors how he watched the World Cup with the boys, but he will become dull when you ask him what brand of beer they drank.
To avoid confusion, integrate real things into lies. If you are describing a non-existent person, take someone you know as a model, for example.
