Most women - at least 90 out of 100 - are convinced that they will never, under any circumstances, be able to forgive betrayal. They are absolutely sure that they will be firm in their decision if this happens. Their conviction is based on their unwillingness to put up with their partner’s betrayal.
At the same time, there is evidence that 80% of spouses still maintain a relationship after the betrayal is revealed. However, everyone remains with their own personal pain.
If you are in a similar situation right now, I deeply sympathize with you. After all, betrayal is always perceived as the collapse of the whole world. And in a sense this is true. You no longer know who your husband is, what he is like, what you are like and what your family is like. It's actually very difficult. Therefore, I really want to help you overcome and survive this.
But first you need to understand whether to forgive your husband’s betrayal, whether you are ready for this . You need to see the whole situation and evaluate the relationship with your partner. Look at his behavior in the family. On his actions after the betrayal.
If you understand that you want to move on together. If there is love and a desire to overcome a difficult moment, and your spouse agrees with you, then get ready to work on your relationship.
Also know that it is possible to forgive betrayal. Of course, it won’t be possible to erase it from your memory and completely forget it. But leaving what happened in the past is quite possible. I will tell you about two conditions under which forgiveness of your husband will become possible.
I have prepared a free mini-course “How to Survive Betrayal.” In it I talk about flashbacks, pain, loss of self and how to deal with it.
Features of quarrels in marriage
Quarrels in the family usually result from misunderstanding, jealousy, pride and stubbornness. Also, often the culprit of scandals is the inability to admit one’s mistakes and wrongs.
When arguing with her husband, a woman usually raises her voice, insults him, and makes claims. She is unhappy with the lack of help, scattered socks and lying on the sofa. Wives who often have scandals in their families should learn to quarrel correctly, without criticizing their husband.
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Scientists have concluded that couples who accept each other's shortcomings without trying to change them feel happier.
If someone shouts during an argument, then you should learn to respond calmly in response. You can ask your partner not to raise his voice, otherwise you will have to interrupt the conversation and leave.
Prayer of Reconciliation
When all attempts to reconcile with your husband have failed, and you are sure that the quarrel was not yours and was not worth the breakup, you can turn to God.
Come to church, buy a candle, place it near the icon of the Most Holy Theotokos and read the “Our Father” three times.
Afterwards, read the prayer for reconciliation three times:
“Lord Jesus Christ, son of God. Descend to us who ask, and forgive all sinful acts. Have mercy and defeat the enmity between your servants (name one by one the names of those whom you want to reconcile). Cleanse their souls from filth and the power of the devil, protect them from evil people and envious eyes. Like a quarrel over an evil act, return it to the unclean adversaries. May Your will be done now, and forever, and forever and ever. Amen."
Prayer for reconciliation
How are the phrases you say when asking for forgiveness perceived?
People perceive requests for forgiveness in different ways. This is influenced by the character of the spouse, the degree of his upbringing and the mood in which he is. One person will react aggressively, another will react calmly.
Sending text messages to your husband will make him think that his date is trying to get attention. It is worth taking a short pause to choose the right words or phrases. When apologizing, it is recommended to express your thoughts clearly, clearly, and concisely.
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How to forget about what happened and move on with your life
Do not engage in self-deprecation, do not compare yourself with your spouse’s mistress. Instead, focus on your own development.
A husband's infidelity can serve as an excellent motivation for drastic life changes. Sign up for a fitness class, start going to the pool, go on a trip, or even quit your boring job.
To improve your life after betrayal and the departure of your spouse, listen to the following advice from psychologists:
- Learn to listen actively. This skill consists of showing genuine interest in what worries the interlocutor, his experiences and events. Respect what is interesting to the people around you, do not put your needs above all else.
- Learn to trust your spouse again. Of course, it’s easy to give such advice, but to put it into practice... One day, a deceived woman will find it difficult to begin to trust her partner who betrayed her again. Each couple has its own methods of resolving this issue: in some, the man initially allows his wife to control his calls and messages, in others, the husband and wife restore the relationship based on trust.
- Do not try to take emotional revenge on your unfaithful spouse by cheating in return with the first man you meet, so as not to regret it later.
How to forgive your spouse for cheating? Psychologists advise going for reconciliation only after you have analyzed the current situation in detail and found out the reasons for the infidelity. Betrayal will weigh heavily on your shoulders; be prepared for the fact that you will be able to restore lost trust in your husband only after many months or even years.
Try to listen to the man, perhaps he will find the right words to explain what happened
It is unlikely that you will be able to return to your previous relationship after cheating. A new stage awaits you or you will find that your marriage has exhausted itself. What was before will no longer be in your life, so it’s not always worth trying to hold on to the past.
How to make yourself forgiven
An effective apology is one in which the person takes responsibility to admit their guilt. If he says he made a mistake, he will definitely win.
The next step in apologizing to your husband will be an offer to correct the situation. Words won't do much, you need to be ready to improve the situation.
Expressing remorse and regret and explaining your mistake will complement the apology process. In general, this scheme looks like this:
- eliminating a negative situation;
- explanation of the reason for the action;
- correcting the situation;
- asking for forgiveness.
Is it worth forgiving at all?
In the current situation, there is nothing easier than filing for divorce. Are you sure this will make you happier? Do you have another chance to start over?
- Yes, if the husband cheated, but wants to save the family, asks for forgiveness, sincerely repents and has taken the path of correction. It takes the best years of your life to build a strong and happy unit of society. Do not rush to take off your wedding ring in a state of passion. Recognize his right to make a single mistake, if he is a wonderful family man, a responsible father and a caring son-in-law. This is one of the main tips from psychologists on how to forgive your husband after cheating. There are few such men, and you need to think carefully before putting your treasure out the door. They'll pick you up quickly before you come to your senses.
- No, if the accomplished fact does not seem to your life partner something out of the ordinary. In this case, very soon he will want to continue the banquet. Do you doubt whether you should forgive your pathologically unfaithful husband for cheating? Think about your own future. Are you ready to share a bed with a grinning traitor, catch the sidelong glances of “initiates”, stumble upon traces of Don Juan’s adventures on social networks and wash traces of lipstick from your shirts?
Why You May Not Be Taken Seriously and Rejected
Sometimes it happens that a husband rejects his wife's apology. This can happen for several reasons:
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- she is not serious or sincere;
- lack of confidence in words;
- wrong time;
- a text message was sent.
In order for your spouse to take your apology words seriously, it is recommended that you choose an appropriate setting. She should be quiet, calm, nothing should distract her. A noisy place with a lot of people will not allow you to discuss the problem.
If the wife does not want to admit her guilt, then the husband will think that she is insincere and is not going to ask for forgiveness at all. He'll get even angrier.
Without realizing your mistake, trying to improve the relationship will not succeed. Sometimes women don’t understand what they did, but they ask for forgiveness. It is pointless.
You should apologize after the scandal has died down. If you shout out the word “sorry” in the midst of it, your partner will not hear it and will not take it seriously. Therefore, first everyone calms down, then they start talking.
Not everyone takes a text message containing an apology sincerely. A more effective method of forgiveness is a real conversation face to face, when the partner can see the gestures and facial expressions of the other half.
Having strong emotions can be a good sign
If a spouse claims to hate or even shows extreme anger, this is always bad. Strong feelings can indicate how worried a person is about a future with you. It's much more discouraging to see a man just calmly walk away.
It may take some time for the husband to forgive the betrayal and understand that the hatred is directed at the fact of the betrayal, and not at the personality of his wife. It is very easy to forget all the good things when faced with such a horrific demonstration of the bad as cheating.
But in the end, most people begin to remember the good moments and perspective appears again in the relationship.
Examples of requests
The apology process is quite complex. Many people psychologically cannot tune in to it and find the right words. To pronounce them clearly, you need to prepare in advance. If necessary, they can be learned by heart.
I regret
Regret indicates that a person has admitted that they were wrong. He is ashamed that he made such a mistake, thereby causing pain to his beloved partner. For greater persuasiveness, you can use gestures, touches or glances.
I was wrong
Realizing that you are wrong and communicating this to your partner shows that your spouse is endowed with wisdom and has a mature character. Admitting guilt does not mean humiliating a woman in front of a man. Rarely anyone can do this. Few people are able to sincerely and easily admit their mistake.
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I'll fix everything
To make amends, you need to correct the situation. The partner will appreciate remorse and sincerity. The choice of method should take into account the individual characteristics of the spouse. For example, a delicious dinner, a souvenir for the car, a book by your favorite author, an invitation to a romantic date, an unforgettable night will do. The partner must feel that his wife still loves him.
I repent of what I did
There are people for whom regret is not enough. To understand how to beg forgiveness from such a husband, you need to show him deep repentance. It will cleanse the soul of the wife herself.
I need your forgiveness
It is important for some men to see their spouse’s desire to receive his forgiveness. If she shows him this, he will believe that her apology is sincere and important. To forgive or not is a personal matter for the partner.
How to improve relationships after a quarrel
To begin reconciliation, you must first forget about the quarrel and stop blaming each other. There is no rush because it takes time to find peace. You need to cool down and put your thoughts in order. You can even limit communication for a while for this reason.
You need to learn to communicate and talk about what you don’t like. It is necessary to discuss not only the content of the problem, but also the emotions that it evokes. You can use hugs or kisses, as they give your partner confidence that he is loved.
The search for negative qualities in a spouse should be replaced by identifying his positive sides. Caring and supporting each other strengthens relationships. A joint vacation or trip will contribute to active reconciliation and restoration of a strong connection.
The husband will like it if his wife praises him more often, especially in public. He will appreciate his woman's touch, frequent conversations and smile. It is more pleasant for a man to see her not angry, tired and unkempt, but in a good mood, neat and well-groomed.
The ability to admit one’s guilt speaks of a person’s wisdom and maturity. When a woman sincerely repents of her wrongdoing, her chances of earning forgiveness increase. It will be faster to improve relationships after a quarrel if both partners are willing to do so and meet each other halfway.
Reasons for cheating on a loved one
Under no circumstances should one look for any justification for such masculine actions as deception, betrayal and treason. But from a psychological point of view, one can find some explanation for such actions.
There are several psychological reasons that push a man to cheat:
- The need for love, formed in childhood, is neurotic in nature. Some boys in childhood do not receive from their parents the love that they need.
Let's say that the mother simply did not have enough time to play with her little son, pay him more attention, and give him maternal affection. The child was in dire need of maternal love, but did not receive it at all, or received it, but not enough.It is very difficult to solve the problem of parental attention deficit in childhood, so the boy, growing up, carries it into adulthood and tries to solve it there. It is through cheating that an adult man tries to get the love that he lacked as a child.
Initially, he receives it from one woman, whom he calls his one and only. But then this becomes not enough for him, and he finds himself another lady of his heart. As a result, the representative of the stronger sex receives twice as much tenderness and love, thereby making up for the deficiency of parental love.
- Loss of interest and attraction to your lover. Starting to live with one woman, a representative of the stronger sex initially receives both physical and moral satisfaction from this.
But over time, one gets used to the partner, and, as a result, the relationship cools down and loses interest in the beloved. The partner is no longer so attracted to the man, since he cannot surprise her with anything. And at this moment he begins to look for new experiences on the side, trying to plunge into a new wave of emotions and impressions with another woman.It is extremely important for men to constantly be confident in their own strength, sexuality and irresistibility. And if he doesn’t feel this with his previous partner, then he can only get new emotions and impressions with a new sexual partner.
- Excessive parental love in childhood.
Raising boys in childhood is often done not only by mothers, but also by grandmothers. As a result, they receive female attention and love in great abundance, and they become addicted to them. In adult life, a man, on a subconscious level, tries to simulate the same situation that he had in childhood. For such an individual, the attention and love of his wife must necessarily intersect with the attention of his mistress.
As we see, any events, actions and inclinations that we observe in adulthood have a solid basis.
In most cases, this very basis originates in our childhood. Whatever happens to us in life has its own explanation. In modern psychology there are many techniques that can solve such problems that arise in family life. But before you decide to forgive your lover for cheating, you should visit a psychologist to find out about the real reasons for your loved one’s betrayal.
