Male infidelity is a woman’s eternal nightmare. At the same time, some treat them philosophically, justifying them in every possible way, while others categorically do not accept them. Experts note that male infidelity is often shrouded in a large number of conjectures and misconceptions.
“Myths about male infidelity are mainly spread by women. An offended or underestimated representative of the fair sex sometimes tries to settle scores with a man, saying things to him that he could not even imagine in his wildest fantasies,” says psychologist Anna Sukhova . And he notes that there are several particularly persistent myths about male infidelity.
Physiology and love
Among representatives of the animal world, the need to leave behind viable offspring is genetically determined. There is an opinion that male polygamy comes from there, from antiquity.
Male love first flares up at the hormonal level and only then develops into warm affection. Sometimes she disappears without a trace after defeating the object of desire.
Women's character is different. She is the owner and does not intend to share with anyone. At the same time, a psychological connection arises much faster, so parting with a partner turns into a tragedy.
Another reason for male infidelity lies in the difference in temperament. Some live by the novelty of impressions, including sexual ones, which give them internal energy for achievements.
Psychology of a happy marriage
Psychologists advise adhering to certain basics that allow you to build strong marriage bonds for a long period of time:
- Spiritual kinship concerns most aspects of people's family life.
- Having common interests, topics for communication, hobbies.
- The difference is in temperament, psychology, individual aspects of outlook on life.
Absolutely identical people will not be able to live together for a long time, since the relationship will be monotonous.
At the same time, a large difference in understanding the world around them, the lack of common topics for conversation will quickly destroy the developing relationships between people.
Genetic causes of male infidelity
According to scientists' research, the centers responsible for attraction, desire and moral attachment work autonomously. At the same time, some people tend to change partners for pleasure more often than others. From a scientific point of view, this is explained by the activation of the dopamine D4 receptor in the body.
The second is the work of instincts. They require variety to increase the likelihood of conceiving an heir. The most interesting thing is that in the process of evolution, men and women have developed different requirements for procreation. If “more” dominates in the stronger sex, then “better” is more important for the fair sex.
Myths about male psychology and men
A woman often sets herself up for betrayal if she accepts legends about male sexuality. What you expect is what you get. Let's figure out what stories about men prevent a woman from adequately dealing with reality.
- "Men think about sex every 20 seconds."
I asked the men. They think about anything. About work, about children, about food, about news on the Internet, about politics. Do you really think that if only sex was in a man’s head, they would be able to keep other topics in mind?
- “All men are males, they are all polygamous by nature, they need to reproduce.”
First of all, everyone has a different libido. That is, the need for sex can be increased, normal, or even decreased. Sexologists have been sounding the alarm lately, because even teenagers nowadays are not always able to enter into intimate relationships. Although nature itself ordered someone, including teenagers, to strive for intimacy. I would like to - yes. But there is no time, no strength, no one to go with. In the world of information, the load on the mind is much greater than on the body. No matter how much the body wants, if the head gets in the way, it won’t work.
Secondly, the reasons for betrayal are extremely rarely related to the desire to reproduce. Rather, with the desire to relax, receive support or pleasure.
- “If the female wants, the male will jump up”
If a woman wants to seduce a man, she will achieve her goal. Deception, flattery, manipulation. Resistance is futile!
Are you seriously? If this were true, matriarchy would have reigned in the world long ago! Cunning women often conquered powerless men. Of course, if a woman wants to get sex from a man, she is capable of going all the way. But a man is not a Cheburashka, he has rights. In my practice, there were situations when a man in a client’s chair asked: “How can I gently send a girl off? She so diligently unbuttons the buttons on her blouse when she comes up to talk to me,” or “I can really see that she’s looking for a meeting. But I don’t need it"
The key here is: “I don’t need this!” Note, not “you can’t”, but “you shouldn’t”.
The main reasons for husband's cheating: psychology
The standards of the family institution presuppose monogamy and elevate fidelity to the rank of virtue. The upbringing of boys is carried out in the same direction, with the exception of the initially free morals in the parental union. With such attitudes, a reason is not even required; a person follows his desires without recognizing prohibitions. In other cases, there are prerequisites.
- Differences in temperaments. It is often detected during long-term cohabitation.
- Stability and monotony pushes you to search for adventure. Most often, a man returns to the family nest, having received his portion of the happiness hormone.
- Self-affirmation through new intimate contacts is required to increase self-esteem and gain confidence. Alternatively, the reason lies in following stereotypes.
- Falling in love provokes biochemical reactions in the body that are difficult to resist. Usually it rarely develops into a serious feeling, especially if mutual understanding and harmony reign in the family.
Long business trips stand out separately, when a partner is replaced due to physiological necessity and there is resentment towards the spouse, who pushes into the arms of another.
Love, family, betrayal
Creating a family requires joint efforts, and this is not a one-time event. The secret of many happy married couples lies in constant care, the search for compromise and the ability to hear the partner. If such a balance is not found in the first years of life, then you should not be surprised that in the 4th-5th year, affairs will begin. We will have to look for the origins of when and why husbands begin to cheat on their wives in family relationships.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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Another enemy of fidelity is banal boredom. After several years of a quiet life, sexual games do not differ in variety, the partner’s reactions have long been familiar, there is no novelty or drive. Some couples will go the long way, discussing the problem and starting experiments on the personal front. Others dive into the whirlpool of new acquaintances and sensations, not caring about the feelings of their spouse.
An interesting phenomenon is the midlife crisis. It more often overtakes those who follow the beaten path with blinkered eyes. Suddenly a man discovers that almost half of his life is behind him, and he has not seen, known, or tried. In their love affairs, they try to find lost youth, forgetting about a reliable shoulder nearby.
Way of self-affirmation
There are men who vitally need feats in love affairs. New women they will conquer.
As a rule, after conquest they cool down and begin to look for a new object of attention.
This is the predominance of a certain type of human character, with whom it is important for a man to constantly be in a state of flirtation, conquest and not go further.
Such men do not know what to do next with a woman. How to live with her in marriage and what format of relationship to have.
They can start a family, but the desire to conquer other women will remain with them.
At the same time, betrayal can only stop at flirting, at being infatuated with others, I will say, more on a platonic level, but it can also move to the physical level.
How do men explain their infidelity?
Speculations of the fair half of humanity about why men cheat on women most often do not coincide with the opinion of the stronger sex. To understand the situation, you need to listen to both sides. From a male point of view:
- a little romance with an ex-girlfriend will not harm family life;
- light flirting has not been canceled;
- 1-2 meetings on neutral territory cannot be considered a full-fledged betrayal;
- a condom guarantees fidelity to the spouse, the rest does not count;
- necessary for health on frequent business trips;
- the position of a leader obliges.
In addition to the most common ones, there are many other reasons. It is interesting that men are often perplexed in response to a woman’s insult; they sincerely do not understand what happened and what they did wrong.
Myth five: he cheats because his wife doesn’t give him what he wants in bed, she gets it on the side
It is impossible to attribute the fact that a man is cheating only to the fact that he may have some non-standard preferences in bed, says the psychologist. “Non-standard forms of sex, the use of various paraphernalia, special toys, an exclusive attitude towards a man in intimate life. And supposedly only this satisfies him, pleases him and generally makes him happy... Of course, this is a greatly exaggerated myth about male fantasies. Everyone has them, but this is not the only thing that builds a man’s sex life, flirting and infidelity,” the specialist emphasizes.
Is every man capable of change?
Theoretically, yes. In practice, not everyone needs dubious adventures; many value the stability and feelings of their spouse.
It is useless to re-educate the so-called “womanizers”. They consider it their duty to mark any territory and are promiscuous in their relationships, since for them the main thing is quantity, not quality. At the same time, they love comfort and return to the familiar atmosphere of the family with enviable consistency.
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The other category includes weak-willed people who are accustomed to being led. They quickly submit to a woman with a strong character, and things can come to the destruction of the official marriage.
I'm cheating on myself
Interesting! Is it true? How often do we cheat on ourselves? How often do we do what we don’t want, follow others’ lead, block our desires in the name of other people’s “wants” and “shoulds”?
They don't love us because we don't love ourselves. We are betrayed because we betray ourselves.
They don't hear us because we don't hear ourselves. Take a piece of paper and write (preferably with your left hand):
- I cheated on myself in...
- I keep cheating on myself...
- I'm cheating on myself in...
At the end of the letter, ask yourself for forgiveness for your own betrayals. And promise yourself to find a way to avoid them.
Advice for loving wives
Most women are endowed with worldly wisdom, regardless of age. They intuitively feel who will be comfortable with and who will bring a huge load of problems. They will not wonder whether a husband can cheat if he loves his wife, but will try to reduce the risk of third-party affairs to a minimum.
Following a few rules will help preserve the family unit.
- Unconditional love that does not require response or reward is held in high esteem.
- Do not make categorical claims, but try to establish a dialogue and come to a compromise.
- In addition to common interests, you need to have your own, do interesting things and constantly maintain a slight intrigue in communication.
Instead of dull everyday life, you will get a constant desire to understand the inner world and interests of your partner, and this is much more exciting than the usual course of events.
Myth one: all men are “walkers”, it’s in their nature
It is believed that a man is genetically polygamous, which means that it is stupid to be offended by him for being interested in other ladies. After all, what can you do - genetics!
The “walker” man, according to the ladies, simply physically cannot miss a single skirt. He doesn’t care at all who is there, what woman, he is not interested in quality. And only the quantity. And wherever he finds himself, he finds a passion for himself. “Surprisingly, such men, as a rule, are married, and the wives themselves attach such labels in order to show themselves as a sufferer who endures this unscrupulous reveler all her life. Of course, in reality, everything is not entirely like that, women-wives fantasize in order to manipulate their husbands and constantly make him guilty,” notes Anna Sukhova.
Why men cheat but prefer to stay in the family
There is no clear answer why all men cheat on their wives, even if they love them. Sometimes a combination of circumstances and loss of self-control are to blame; in other cases, it is not even possible to get a clear explanation.
A radical break in an established relationship is not beneficial for a man. He does not know what awaits him in an alliance with another woman; the familiar way of life is much nicer than unknown distances.
Passivity and laziness act as a kind of anchors that hold you back from taking decisive steps. The famous “maybe” often works; suddenly everything will work out, and no one will know about the little affair.
Love for children also becomes an important reason to preserve family relationships, as does confidence in the exclusivity of the spouse.
Myth seven: men constantly think about cheating
And, of course, the main myth regarding men cheating is that they do it all the time. And this is the only thing their head and body are occupied with. “This is absolutely not true. Men are not busy thinking about where and how to have an affair. By the way, women are no less unfaithful to men. Only for some reason there are different myths around women: that it is impossible and when will she manage to do everything. So men also build various conjectures around women, which are also not very close to reality,” explains Anna Sukhova.
The specialist recommends not creating myths where they should not be. And don’t create a monster in your head out of a good guy who is open to communication. Just as you shouldn’t justify his behavior if he has a bad attitude and constantly goes on a spree.
Tendency to cheat by zodiac sign
Looking for why guys cheat based only on their date of birth is, at the very least, unreasonable. It happens that two people born on the same day, but with a difference of several hours, will be diametrically opposed in character and habits. But there is a benefit from a personal horoscope; it warns about typical characteristics:
- Aries is harsh in judgment and quick-tempered, but prefers an interesting, strong permanent partner;
- Taurus seeks adventure in his youth, gradually learning the values of a strong family and becoming a faithful husband;
- Geminis are flighty and temperamental, but they will commit infidelity only out of resentment or revenge;
- Leos are regal, courageous and generous, inclined to create a harem, where everyone will feel like a queen, but when they meet the only one, they are ready to be with her all their lives;
- Virgo is restrained and pedantic, which she also demands from her partner; she leaves for another only after systematic disappointment in the object of her adoration;
- Libras are romantics and dreamers, it is important to be on the same wavelength with them and then the storms of life will bypass the family;
- Sagittarius is an extreme person and a connoisseur of freedom, he will be there as long as his wife is able to surprise him, without trying to put him on a short leash;
- Capricorn is practical and unhurried, values material wealth, strives for it and demands the same from his wife; a common goal is necessary;
- Aquarians honestly try to improve their lives and relationships, but if they fail, they abruptly change their partner;
- Pisces are completely given over to love, spiritual unity is more important to them than bodily pleasures, they rarely cheat, being in the grip of their fantasies, they value care.
Are all men potential cheaters?
CONTENT:
There is a well-known joke among psychologists: “All men are traitors, it’s just that not everyone manages to hide it.” As you know, every joke always has some truth. Experts are convinced that representatives of the stronger sex are prone to cheating, but this does not mean that each of them is ready to have an affair on the side and jeopardize their relationship with their beloved partner. Studies have shown that the following types of men will never cheat on their chosen ones:
- Monogamous men . Monogamy is a form of relationship in which a person adores and cherishes only one partner and wants to be with him until the end of his days. Such individuals are simply not able to experience sexual lust for anyone other than their beloved. Accordingly, they never pursue such a goal as treason.
- Individuals with a heightened sense of responsibility . They take wedding vows and the marriage stamp in their passport extremely seriously. They feel that if they cheat on their partner, they will be judged by society and damned in heaven for their sins. This reliably protects them from the desire to go “left” and experience the joys of a fleeting relationship with another woman.
- Decent individuals . Such men are proud of their own upbringing and consider betrayal to be a sign of baseness and feeblemindedness. Most representatives of the stronger sex like to brag about their “achievements” in seducing women, but this is absolutely not typical for a decent partner.
- "Mama's Boys" . This type is brought up in the spirit of absolute worship of woman as the keeper of the family hearth. Accordingly, they will never cheat on their partner, as they will be afraid to thereby cause his anger.
- Psychologically mature individuals . For such a man, the woman he loves next to him is quite enough. He fully accepts himself as a full-fledged person and does not seek to prove his sexuality and love of love to anyone. Enjoying a trusting relationship with a current partner, a psychologically mature man will never destroy such a relationship for the sake of fleeting intimate pleasures or the desire to punish his chosen one in this way.
Semyon Slepakov: I'm not like that
As can be seen from all of the above, not all men are potential traitors. Among them there are also those for whom monogamous relationships are the key to a happy life and strong love.
It is important to know! Statistics show that about 75% of men have cheated on their partners at least once in their lives. Moreover, 50% of them did this absolutely consciously, knowing that such behavior threatens a complete severance of relations with the woman they love. 25% explain infidelity by a “coincidence of circumstances,” alcohol intoxication, or family problems. It is also worth noting that the tendency to cheat is associated with the age of the individual. The older a man is, the more prone he is to having affairs on the side. Psychologists explain this by saying that in this way older individuals seek to again remind themselves of their past youth and raise their self-esteem through an intimate relationship with a younger chosen one.
Signs of male infidelity
In family relationships, trust and respect for personal space and desires are important. But there is no need to turn a blind eye to the obvious if frequent delays at work, incomprehensible disappearances of large sums, or long business trips begin. Signs of accomplished marital betrayal include increased attention to one's appearance, new habits or expressions, and fear of leaving the phone unattended.
Ask a question
There is no need to guess what it means if a husband begins to cheat on his wife, and immediately take the position of a victim. It makes more sense to analyze the latest events of life together without unnecessary emotions and searching for those to blame. When considering the situation, you will find clues to the right course of action. If a marriage has been bursting at the seams for a long time, then a case of infidelity is a reason to think about global changes in marriage. When the incident is one-time and there is a desire to save the family, a wise woman will prefer not to notice the affair.
Fashion for polygamy
In some circles, infidelity is a trend, an indicator of solidity and prestige to have both a wife and a mistress.
One client told me: “I don’t have the strength for both of them, my wife and I feel good, but the status obliges me.” Between their partners and friends, such men feel insecure without their mistresses.
For them, this is an indicator of wealth - to provide for their family and mistresses. When we choose men of a certain circle as companions, we need to understand that behind their achievements there may be, among other things, complexes.
They “dictated” to follow certain rules. Mistress is one of the rules. So they follow.
What to do if your husband is constantly cheating
There are 2 reasonable options.
- If a woman is ready to put up with infidelity, understands that this is the nature of her chosen one and otherwise she is completely satisfied with him, then it is worth saving the family. I recommend talking frankly, saying that his secrets are revealed and developing a plan for a life together where the good name of both is preserved.
- When marriage remains only a stamp in a passport, feelings have faded and there is no reason to live under the same roof, then it is wiser to separate, having gained personal freedom and hope for new happiness.
When you don’t have the strength to figure out the situation on your own, consulting a psychologist will help. Conversation in a calm environment in the presence of a third party often leads to surprising results. For example, it turns out that the reason for the quarrel is a small misunderstanding or misunderstood words are taken as a sign of intercession.
Family consultations help you look at the situation from a different perspective, and you should not neglect this way of preserving your family.
How not to give reasons for cheating
There is no panacea for adultery. A few tips will help keep your relationship interesting and new.
- Take care of your appearance, be attractive at home and away.
- Respect the boundaries of personal space, respect the opinion of your partner.
- Develop to share impressions and find new points of contact with your loved one.
- Do not be afraid of experiments in all areas, including cooking and intimate life.
- Restrain emotions in critical situations.
- Create comfort and take care of your husband, corresponding to the image of the keeper of the hearth.
Adultery: can the drama be prevented?
Most girls are afraid of betrayal. To prevent family infidelity, psychologists recommend a number of actions:
- When meeting a partner, you need to find out what kind of past relationships he had, whether he cheated on his former partners.
- Sincerely communicate with your spouse, inquire about his daily affairs, work, experiences.
- Try to satisfy the basic needs of the man you love.
Observe changes in your spouse's behavior. Be interested in why innovations occur.
