Female infidelity hurts not only the husband, but also the children. Often the betrayed lady also suffers terribly. Children are left with psychological trauma, the man is deprived of self-respect, and the wife feels like a traitor. Then comes the divorce. At least that's what it seems like. But everything is more complicated and not always so tragic. So what are the reasons for female adultery, how does it differ from male adultery, what consequences does it lead to? And most importantly, how to avoid infidelity.
Psychology of female infidelity and differences from male infidelity
The psychological reasons for infidelity between the sexes are very different. A man is simply looking for a way to satisfy his “basic instinct.” But for the fairer sex, an emotional connection is important. This is clearly evidenced by the results of a study conducted several years ago in Russia and Eastern European countries. Only about a quarter of cheating women said they did not have deep feelings for their lover. A whopping 70% of men said the same thing.
The psychology of female infidelity is not simple. Ladies admit infidelity when they have big problems with their husband. Then the fair sex tries to find a new lover. Moreover, for a woman to decide to leave her husband, the feeling of spiritual closeness and good sex is not enough. Ladies want stability and security. Therefore, the lover should show his readiness to live the rest of his life with the woman.
But the missus is quite happy with cheating husbands. Representatives of the stronger sex are simply looking for a way to diversify their sex life and take a little break from family life. Men want connection without commitment. Unfaithful husbands have no desire to divorce. When choosing a mistress, representatives of the stronger sex are not picky. She is seen not as a person, but as a female object to satisfy a basic instinct. Only external data matters (and not necessarily). These are the features of the psychology of betrayal in men.
Husbands usually hide adultery, trying to behave as usual with their other half. This is more difficult for women. It is not easy for females to play the role of a loving wife; they often confess and regret what happened.
Why is female infidelity very painful for a husband?
The ego of the stronger half of humanity is more vulnerable; a man takes blows to his pride more difficult. It is very difficult to cope with the betrayal of your other half. The revealed truth deprives you of self-respect. The man begins to consider himself a loser, a weakling, a “loser” to his lover. Severe depression and various neurotic disorders develop. He doesn't bother with the psychology of betrayal.
The husband is hurt primarily by the fact that the woman is dishonest. Constant lying destroys trust in the weaker sex and instills pathological jealousy. When a committed man gets divorced and looks for a new partner, it is difficult for him to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Why women cheat on their husbands: common reasons, psychology
Women are filled with sexual energy no less than the male half of humanity. Ladies also fall in love, are dissatisfied with their marriage, and want changes. But society still considers infidelity committed by the weaker sex a much greater “crime” for male infidelity. It turns a blind eye to the betrayal of its spouse. The woman is called a libertine, a criminal who betrayed her family. Naturally, everything is much more complicated. The psychology of a woman’s betrayal is a well without a bottom.
There are many reasons why a wife decides to cheat. Here are the main ones.
Low self-esteem, other psychological problems
Individuals suffering from low self-esteem often decide to cheat. Depression, psychological trauma from childhood (for example, a girl became a victim of a pedophile) cause a desire to raise low self-esteem through betrayal.
Such a connection temporarily relieves the painful feeling of uselessness, inner emptiness, helps to forget about psychological problems, to feel (even if for a short time) desired, loved, “alive, real.”
Finding inner stability through sexual relationships
If a girl was sexually abused as a child, the resulting trauma often manifests itself as sexual addiction (nymphomania). The problem can also appear in people suffering from manic-depressive psychosis (bipolar disorder), borderline personality disorder. Such women are constantly looking for emotional, spiritual intimacy. With the help of numerous betrayals, such individuals are temporarily freed from the inferiority complex, feel “real,” and gain a sense of significance. Women who have suffered from sexual violence use sexual intercourse to regain the feeling of inner security that disappeared after sexual violence. They are alien to remorse and recognition of their adultery as psychological betrayal.
Lack of emotional soul connection
Due to being busy, the spouse becomes cold towards the other half, spends little time with his beloved, rarely talks, does not hug and kiss often enough. And the woman in her lover tries to find a man who will give the missing warmth and care. Cheating, from a psychological point of view, is the desire to feel truly loved.
By the way! An interesting experiment conducted several decades ago by American scientists speaks about the importance of spiritual connection for the weaker sex. Individuals of both sexes of traditional orientation were shown 2 videos where gay and lesbian couples beautifully courted each other, then indulged in lovemaking. About 80% of men were only excited by a video with two ladies. But for as many as 70% of women, both videos evoked an emotional response.
In the story with two lesbians, the ladies saw not only love joys, but also an emotional connection. Therefore, the video did not leave them indifferent. Men saw only a sexual aspect in a relationship between two gay men, causing disgust.
By the way, this is why the scripts for erotic films intended for male audiences are simplified as much as possible. Everything there is reduced to endless intercourse. The same applies to literature of similar content. But erotic films intended for women (take, for example, the sensational “50 Shades of Gray”) are always built on romance, the psychological, emotional aspect of relationships. Sexual acts are given a secondary role.
Unrealistic expectations - naivety, narcissism
Why does a woman cheat on her husband? Psychology says that emotionally immature people think: a man will always be perfect. When a partner fails to meet unrealistic expectations, a woman begins to look for a new ideal.
Narcissistic personalities expect: the spouse will always predict desires and fulfill any whim. Upon request, he will buy a new iPhone and help update his wardrobe. Even better, it will allow you to manage your own money. A man, naturally, does not meet such high standards. Then female narcissists begin to look for a more soulful, generous partner. This is a common reason for betrayal from a psychological point of view.
Revenge
A woman also violates marital fidelity, seeking revenge on her husband for betrayal. Usually a lady does not hide her betrayal in order to make her husband suffer greatly.
Feeling of abandonment, reluctance to fulfill the role of a “housewife”
Sometimes a wife turns into a housewife, simply pleases her husband, becomes a maid, a nanny. He receives nothing in return. Naturally, this state of affairs does not suit her; the woman craves emotional intimacy and attention. Therefore, he throws himself into the arms of another without any regret or remorse. The psychology of a woman after cheating on her husband may undergo changes - the lady will no longer want to be “nobody.”
Sexual dissatisfaction
In the female consciousness, spiritual and sexual intimacy are closely intertwined. Therefore, when a partner does not satisfy a woman sexually, it may seem to her: the husband has lost desire, which means he has stopped loving. A woman begins to think that she is unattractive and unsexy. To feel desired again, she is looking for a lover.
Remember! Contrary to popular myth, sex can bring much more to a woman than to a man.
Scientists have found that during a female orgasm, the body produces a fivefold dose of oxytocin, a hormone that enhances attachment to a partner and increases trust. In men, at the climax of sexual intercourse, much less of this hormone is produced. If a woman often experiences orgasm, she will forget to think about cheating. Dissatisfaction with sex life is a common reason why wives cheat. This is how their psychology works.
First love
Sometimes a simple accident leads to an extramarital affair. For example, a wife meets the love of her early youth. Feelings flare up again. However, a woman usually extinguishes passion through an effort of will, considering herself a criminal, a destroyer of her own family nest. She experiences psychological pressure: her consciousness demands recognition of betrayal, repentance to the husband of a married lady.
Constant loneliness
If a woman is often left alone when her husband is away, she feels strong loneliness and abandonment, even when she is sure that the man loves her. Then the lady cheats. The woman does not have any long-term plans related to her lover. She's just trying to overcome loneliness.
Way to end a relationship
It can be difficult for a woman to “outright” break off a relationship. She is afraid to tell her husband frankly: the feelings have disappeared. That's why he takes a lover. The lady has no love for him. An affair on the side is simply a reason for divorce.
These are the main explanations for why women cheat, whose psychology is more vulnerable and sensitive than men’s.
Guilty without guilt or how women use infidelity to get out of dead-end situations in life
You know, I often share my personal experiences with my readers and I believe that there is nothing more effective and informative than studying the lived experiences of other people. There was betrayal in my life, however, it also served as another springboard for me to enter new directions in relationships. This is a good example of how a man should not be afraid to express his natural needs openly. I am me, with my cockroaches and peculiarities. With my own advantages and disadvantages, but if these characteristics are not taken into account and I am not valued, then the doors to freedom and new relationships are automatically opened for me. That's all.
I'll tell you. A little bit about yourself. In childhood and adolescence, I was not a particularly cheeky girl. For as long as I can remember, even in adolescence, when it would seem that hormones should be seething, triangles are a common occurrence. However, I didn’t notice such a desire in myself. I had a sports career, my energy flowed in the right direction. A reasonable model of behavior took hold and in adulthood, at a conscious age, I had no inclinations to “go to the left.” The betrayal happened somehow by accident, I was in a stable serious relationship, but this did not stop me from cheating on my common-law husband. Later, I ran away from him. She ran away from her own wedding. Now, after a while, I understand why this happened, it’s easier for a woman to cheat even in a serious relationship if SHE DOESN’T LOVE.
I didn’t have feelings for my husband, but the old Soviet system of building relationships on material goods was still in my head, but in the end that didn’t hold me back either. Over time, I realized that without feelings I cannot allow a person to my body, I cannot make love without feelings. Cheating has only happened once in my life, but this experience taught me a lot. That same lack of deep internal connection caused a crack in the relationship. Then everything fell on me: work, everyday demands from my common-law husband. I provide for myself, there is no attention, no gifts, he did not invest money in the general family budget.
I’m tired of asking and walking around with an outstretched hand saying something like: “Well, I’m a woman, I’m a living person, I deserve attention and financial support.” Consequently, respect disappeared. And I decided to admit to treason. I found a rented room, as I remember, for 20,000 rubles a month, paid for it and simply confronted the former civilian with a fait accompli - I was leaving. There are no more relationships. And I added literally a couple of sentences about treason. I felt so fucking free and good. Never regret anything, sometimes current relationships just need to be cut off. Don't delay, live in joy. Don't let anyone undermine your ambitions and self-confidence. By the way, the ex never disappeared. I started giving gifts and flowers again. He invited me somewhere.
Ways to avoid female infidelity
It is important for a man to remain the same attentive gentleman he was when he met his future other half. It is necessary to make pleasant surprises, unexpectedly give tights, shoes, say that your beloved is the best, the most beautiful. The spouse should remember romance, spend a lot of time with his beloved, and provide emotional support.
The husband needs to help his wife with housework and actively participate in raising children. If the wife earns good money, the man needs to rejoice at the success of his other half. The husband must hide that he is hurt by this state of affairs. On the occasion of a promotion, the spouse should organize a small celebration, congratulate, and give gifts.
Naturally, we must not forget about the intimate side of relationships. It is beneficial for the husband to do everything so that the woman receives pleasure during sex. A wife should always feel that she occupies a central place in the life of her loved one. This will strengthen the marriage union and reduce the danger of betrayal.
Remember! It is important for women to refrain from extremely ineffective, “negative” ways to prevent infidelity. A husband should not be jealous, threaten, try to control, or try to find out where his wife is. This will only encourage adultery.
If a couple lives in a civil marriage, the man needs to propose marriage as soon as possible. Any person of the fairer sex always makes plans, thinks about the future, and craves stable, strong relationships. The absence of a wedding ring on your finger causes anxiety. The woman thinks that the day will come when she will be abandoned. The lady begins to think about plan B. If the beloved does not even want to listen about marriage or children, then the spouse can begin to implement plan B. That is why a man needs to make plans for the future together with his beloved. Then, psychologists say, there is no threat of betrayal.
What should a man do if his wife cheated on him?
Psychologists recommend that a man whose wife has cheated on him act as follows:
- Consider the information received, do not make momentary decisions due to shock, resentment and anger. In a fit of anger, the deceived spouse has a desire to settle scores with the hero-lover, but is it worth doing? Is it really the opponent's fault that he took part in sexual intercourse with another man's wife?
- Listen to your wife. Try to understand her feelings and establish the reasons for adultery. During a frank conversation, try to find ways to optimize marital relationships.
- Listen to yourself, remember everything that was good in the relationship. You can make a list of your wife's positive qualities to understand that she is a good person. Filing for divorce is a short process. But before that, it’s worth thinking about and weighing everything.
- Provide your wife with quality sex. It’s worth trying to diversify your intimate life with sex toys and experiments in bed.
- Bring romance into marital relationships. Dinner by candlelight, a walk in the park, small gifts for no reason - all this strengthens the marriage union. Not only newlyweds, but also couples who have been together for many years should have such pleasant little things.
- Make an appointment with a family psychologist with your wife. A course of family psychotherapy will help save the marriage and minimize the consequences of female infidelity.
Ways to find out if a woman is cheating
It is difficult for a woman to hide her own feelings. Most often, the lady admits everything or gives herself away. The cheating spouse sits for a long time in front of the mirror, starts going to aerobics and fitness again, and constantly tries to look good. Not only in your own eyes, but also in the eyes of your lover.
Also, the unfaithful woman begins to find fault with things that she previously tolerated (dishes unwashed by her husband, scattered clothes). Or vice versa: he completely stops paying attention to his spouse’s shortcomings, as if the spouse is not at all interested. An unfaithful wife becomes emotionally and sexually cold. Avoids any physical contact (even simple hugs).
When a spouse is sure that his wife is cheating or his wife has admitted everything, it is very important to decide what to do next. They should talk honestly about the future together. Of course, a couple who finds themselves in such a difficult situation needs the help of psychologists. Experts will help you decide whether it is worth saving the relationship, or whether love has already completely faded away, and therefore it is better to get a divorce calmly without unnecessary dramas or scandals.
How to cheat on your husband correctly without him guessing or finding out
A woman who is determined to cheat on her spouse is better off not looking for a potential lover among the family’s mutual friends; this usually ends with the deceived husband or one of her friends eventually finding out about this story. Also pay attention to the typical mistakes of women whose spouses begin to suspect of infidelity. By avoiding such nuances in behavior, you can not raise doubts in your husband about yourself for a long time.
- Delays at work.
Do not arrange regular dates with your lover after work. Sooner or later, such delays will begin to raise natural questions from the husband. - Sudden changes in sexual behavior.
Some women, having started to cheat on their spouse, dramatically change their sexual behavior, or try to repeat in intimate pleasures with their husband everything new that they “pick up” from another partner, or simply avoid intimacy. - Stealth.
If you start hiding your phone from your husband’s eyes, changing passwords on your pages on social networks, talking to someone on the phone in the toilet, and so on, most likely, your spouse will still suspect you of cheating. - Detachment.
When immersed in a new romance, many women begin to act distant. They are constantly in their own thoughts, avoid communication with their husband, are indifferent to joint “going out”, and do not show any initiative in bed.
Consequences of female infidelity
Women's infidelity is much more likely than men's to end in divorce. It can be difficult for a lady to stop cheating, even when she wants to. Emotionally, she is already “split”; her lover has become a close person with whom the woman connects her own future.
Naturally, betrayal affects children. Teenage daughters may begin to experience hostile feelings towards their father, placing the blame for what happened on his shoulders. Sons, on the contrary, will tend to blame their mother. This will have a negative impact on the psyche. Children will begin to associate marital relationships with deception and suffering. Building normal relationships with the opposite sex will not be easy.
Don't forget about the children
When spouses conflict, they completely forget about their children. Children are very sensitive to the situation in the family. They see that dad is angry with mom, he scolds her and says unpleasant words to her. The child thinks like this: “Dad doesn’t love mom.” He is afraid that his parents will divorce and worries about this situation much more than an adult.
Children very easily grasp the prevailing atmosphere in the family. They unmistakably feel what the relationship is between mom and dad. And parents who want to have a serious conversation are better off going somewhere if their children are nearby. You can’t start conflicts in front of them.
Why should children see this? There is no need to take away their childhood and traumatize their psyche. If parents show scenes of irritability and nervousness in front of their children, then there is a risk that the bad mood will affect the children. Often, psychologists look for the reasons for a child’s irritability and excitability in the family.
Ways to overcome the consequences of betrayal if the marriage was saved
If the marriage can be saved, the woman returns to her husband, the couple needs serious psychological help. After all, feelings of guilt can lead to severe depression. With the help of proven psychotherapeutic techniques, psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin will help his wife overcome remorse for what she has done and help the man regain self-respect.
In order for the deep wounds from betrayal to heal, the wife should be as frank as possible. At a therapy session or alone with her husband, a woman must honestly admit everything and ask for forgiveness. It is very important that the lady explains the motives for her actions and tells how long the betrayal lasted. Then gradually the husband will again begin to trust his other half.
Psychologists advise the reconciled couple to conduct a symbolic ritual of farewell to the past. At some memorable place (for example, next to the wedding palace or temple where the couple got married), they need to burn a piece of paper with the inscription “treason”, then re-swear an oath of fidelity to each other. This will definitely be remembered and will bring back good memories. Also, the couple needs to organize a “remake” of the honeymoon, go on a honeymoon again in order to forget the past, and start a relationship with a clean slate.
I wanted to feel wanted again...
“Good afternoon, Anna! I accidentally saw your blog and realized that if you can’t help me, then no one will.
My story is banal to the point of tears. I am married and the mother of a wonderful son. We have been married for 8 years now. I can’t say anything bad about my family: my husband doesn’t humiliate me or beat me, he brings me my salary on time, he goes for walks with his son if I ask.
But in recent years I have completely stopped feeling like a woman. I don’t seem to be ugly, and I take care of myself, and I hardly gained weight after giving birth. But there is no “spark” in the relationship. My husband does not react at all to all my hints and seductive glances. His best friends have long been the sofa, TV and football. We haven’t even gone to the movies for over a year, let alone had a date alone. I'm tired of this indifference.
A few months ago, a pleasant young man met me on social networks. Word for word, and my interest in return awoke, we began to flirt a little and conduct, to be honest, not entirely decent correspondence. There was only virtual sex between us, if you can call it that. But in real life nothing ever happened.
Of course, none of us intended to develop a relationship - that’s not why people meet online now. But my husband accidentally saw our correspondence on my laptop. Hastily packed up his things and left the house, not even wanting to listen to my explanations.
I know that I acted vilely and disgustingly. I'm ashamed, and I understand how he feels now. I really want to get him back and try to start the relationship all over again, because we have a son and we are still married. And I'm not ready to sleep in a cold bed alone for the rest of my life.
But is there a chance to get him back after my virtual betrayal? I'm afraid I ruined everything..."
What causes female infidelity through the eyes of a psychologist? Methods of self-justification
Psychologists say: betrayal leads to cognitive dissonance - a discord between values and actions. That is why the cheating spouse needs to justify the betrayal. This situation is reminiscent of a war when a soldier is forced to kill, although his values do not allow him to do this. The soldier needs to temporarily change his own principles and find a good justification for the murders. Or, in psychological terms, rationalize your own actions. The role of “rationalizer” is played by patriotic propaganda.
Methods of self-justification:
- The saint is not worthy of a woman. Of course, an extramarital affair is not murder, but it also causes discord between a person’s values and actions. The cheating person often rationalizes the betrayal, instilling in himself the idea that the other half deserves it. The discord between values and actions weakens, and the woman is no longer tormented by doubts. With a clear conscience, she begins to look for a new partner.
- Double life. Also, some people suppress feelings of guilt with the help of separate thinking. A woman divides her personal life into two parts. The first is reserved for the husband, the second for the lover. A woman ceases to be aware of the inconsistency of her own behavior and begins to lead a double life, trying to remain a good wife for her husband and be a desirable lover for another. Women rarely choose this way to rationalize their feelings of guilt. It is much more characteristic of the male gender.
- The woman thinks she is “bad.” Some people, in order to get rid of cognitive dissonance, convince themselves that they simply cannot be faithful wives. To reduce feelings of guilt, ladies begin to think that they have an immature character and cannot control their own behavior. “If only I had been,” such representatives of the fairer sex say to themselves, “I would have been better, I would have remained faithful. But my terrible character and bad heredity don’t help. There is no one to blame for the betrayal.”
Blaming a lady for such “immoral thoughts” is really pointless. A person who commits adultery longs for his values and actions to coincide, otherwise a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, guilt, and despair will inevitably arise. This mental state often ends in depression, even suicide attempts. Therefore, there is nothing strange that the human psyche does everything to get rid of the painful value dissonance born of betrayal.
Cheating on a woman does not necessarily result in the end of a relationship or tragedy. Often it's a new beginning. If the wife leaves her lover, and the husband is ready to forgive, then they will turn over this difficult page of their lives and fall in love with each other again. Tips on the YouTube channel will help you get out of a difficult situation.
Test of endurance
Situations when a woman and a man encounter some kind of obstacle in their life path, in this case, not everyone is able to overcome it together. The illness of loved ones, the financial crisis, is so addictive that a woman seeks understanding and support not on the shoulder of her partner (after all, my man is already burdened with a hundred problems!), but on the side.
Psychologists are confident that in this case, betrayal is a kind of pain relief, but for some, such a shake-up is beneficial, while for others it is just new experiences and new problems, because after solving all the problems, the woman is faced with aggravating thoughts of guilt and remorse. Probably, we should not forget that a family is a single whole, and only joint actions will help in overcoming the difficulties that may arise.
