Female infidelity hurts not only the husband, but also the children. Often the betrayed lady also suffers terribly. Children are left with psychological trauma, the man is deprived of self-respect, and the wife feels like a traitor. Then comes the divorce. At least that's what it seems like. But everything is more complicated and not always so tragic. So what are the reasons for female adultery, how does it differ from male adultery, what consequences does it lead to? And most importantly, how to avoid infidelity.
Psychology of female infidelity and differences from male infidelity
The psychological reasons for infidelity between the sexes are very different. A man is simply looking for a way to satisfy his “basic instinct.” But for the fairer sex, an emotional connection is important. This is clearly evidenced by the results of a study conducted several years ago in Russia and Eastern European countries. Only about a quarter of cheating women said they did not have deep feelings for their lover. A whopping 70% of men said the same thing.
The psychology of female infidelity is not simple. Ladies admit infidelity when they have big problems with their husband. Then the fair sex tries to find a new lover. Moreover, for a woman to decide to leave her husband, the feeling of spiritual closeness and good sex is not enough. Ladies want stability and security. Therefore, the lover should show his readiness to live the rest of his life with the woman.
But the missus is quite happy with cheating husbands. Representatives of the stronger sex are simply looking for a way to diversify their sex life and take a little break from family life. Men want connection without commitment. Unfaithful husbands have no desire to divorce. When choosing a mistress, representatives of the stronger sex are not picky. She is seen not as a person, but as a female object to satisfy a basic instinct. Only external data matters (and not necessarily). These are the features of the psychology of betrayal in men.
Husbands usually hide adultery, trying to behave as usual with their other half. This is more difficult for women. It is not easy for females to play the role of a loving wife; they often confess and regret what happened.
Why does this happen?
It is generally accepted that men cheat because of their nature, but women cheat because of significant problems. But psychologists say that cheating on both sides has serious reasons - problems in relationships or the personality of the cheater.
Men sometimes have the wrong idea about what is good and what is bad. When they describe the situation with their wife leaving, they often use the phrase: “Everything was great, but at one point it turned upside down.” It seems to them that if the wife is silent, does not break the dishes, lies next to her every evening, everything is fine. Well, just think, she refused sex a couple of times! Or twenty times. Still no reason to panic.
Meanwhile, next to a completely happy husband, a wife lives for a long time, in whose soul demons and passions are raging. Each person is unique, and it cannot be said that one reason led everyone to such a radical decision. But that it was there is no doubt. It was only from a male point of view that everything happened suddenly. In fact, it accumulated over months and years.
Why is female infidelity very painful for a husband?
The ego of the stronger half of humanity is more vulnerable; a man takes blows to his pride more difficult. It is very difficult to cope with the betrayal of your other half. The revealed truth deprives you of self-respect. The man begins to consider himself a loser, a weakling, a “loser” to his lover. Severe depression and various neurotic disorders develop. He doesn't bother with the psychology of betrayal.
The husband is hurt primarily by the fact that the woman is dishonest. Constant lying destroys trust in the weaker sex and instills pathological jealousy. When a committed man gets divorced and looks for a new partner, it is difficult for him to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Why women cheat on their husbands: common reasons, psychology
Women are filled with sexual energy no less than the male half of humanity. Ladies also fall in love, are dissatisfied with their marriage, and want changes. But society still considers infidelity committed by the weaker sex a much greater “crime” for male infidelity. It turns a blind eye to the betrayal of its spouse. The woman is called a libertine, a criminal who betrayed her family. Naturally, everything is much more complicated. The psychology of a woman’s betrayal is a well without a bottom.
There are many reasons why a wife decides to cheat. Here are the main ones.
Low self-esteem, other psychological problems
Individuals suffering from low self-esteem often decide to cheat. Depression, psychological trauma from childhood (for example, a girl became a victim of a pedophile) cause a desire to raise low self-esteem through betrayal.
Such a connection temporarily relieves the painful feeling of uselessness, inner emptiness, helps to forget about psychological problems, to feel (even if for a short time) desired, loved, “alive, real.”
Finding inner stability through sexual relationships
If a girl was sexually abused as a child, the resulting trauma often manifests itself as sexual addiction (nymphomania). The problem can also appear in people suffering from manic-depressive psychosis (bipolar disorder), borderline personality disorder. Such women are constantly looking for emotional, spiritual intimacy. With the help of numerous betrayals, such individuals are temporarily freed from the inferiority complex, feel “real,” and gain a sense of significance. Women who have suffered from sexual violence use sexual intercourse to regain the feeling of inner security that disappeared after sexual violence. They are alien to remorse and recognition of their adultery as psychological betrayal.
Lack of emotional soul connection
Due to being busy, the spouse becomes cold towards the other half, spends little time with his beloved, rarely talks, does not hug and kiss often enough. And the woman in her lover tries to find a man who will give the missing warmth and care. Cheating, from a psychological point of view, is the desire to feel truly loved.
By the way! An interesting experiment conducted several decades ago by American scientists speaks about the importance of spiritual connection for the weaker sex. Individuals of both sexes of traditional orientation were shown 2 videos where gay and lesbian couples beautifully courted each other, then indulged in lovemaking. About 80% of men were only excited by a video with two ladies. But for as many as 70% of women, both videos evoked an emotional response.
In the story with two lesbians, the ladies saw not only love joys, but also an emotional connection. Therefore, the video did not leave them indifferent. Men saw only a sexual aspect in a relationship between two gay men, causing disgust.
By the way, this is why the scripts for erotic films intended for male audiences are simplified as much as possible. Everything there is reduced to endless intercourse. The same applies to literature of similar content. But erotic films intended for women (take, for example, the sensational “50 Shades of Gray”) are always built on romance, the psychological, emotional aspect of relationships. Sexual acts are given a secondary role.
Unrealistic expectations - naivety, narcissism
Why does a woman cheat on her husband? Psychology says that emotionally immature people think: a man will always be perfect. When a partner fails to meet unrealistic expectations, a woman begins to look for a new ideal.
Narcissistic personalities expect: the spouse will always predict desires and fulfill any whim. Upon request, he will buy a new iPhone and help update his wardrobe. Even better, it will allow you to manage your own money. A man, naturally, does not meet such high standards. Then female narcissists begin to look for a more soulful, generous partner. This is a common reason for betrayal from a psychological point of view.
Revenge
A woman also violates marital fidelity, seeking revenge on her husband for betrayal. Usually a lady does not hide her betrayal in order to make her husband suffer greatly.
Feeling of abandonment, reluctance to fulfill the role of a “housewife”
Sometimes a wife turns into a housewife, simply pleases her husband, becomes a maid, a nanny. He receives nothing in return. Naturally, this state of affairs does not suit her; the woman craves emotional intimacy and attention. Therefore, he throws himself into the arms of another without any regret or remorse. The psychology of a woman after cheating on her husband may undergo changes - the lady will no longer want to be “nobody.”
Sexual dissatisfaction
In the female consciousness, spiritual and sexual intimacy are closely intertwined. Therefore, when a partner does not satisfy a woman sexually, it may seem to her: the husband has lost desire, which means he has stopped loving. A woman begins to think that she is unattractive and unsexy. To feel desired again, she is looking for a lover.
Remember! Contrary to popular myth, sex can bring much more to a woman than to a man.
Scientists have found that during a female orgasm, the body produces a fivefold dose of oxytocin, a hormone that enhances attachment to a partner and increases trust. In men, at the climax of sexual intercourse, much less of this hormone is produced. If a woman often experiences orgasm, she will forget to think about cheating. Dissatisfaction with sex life is a common reason why wives cheat. This is how their psychology works.
First love
Sometimes a simple accident leads to an extramarital affair. For example, a wife meets the love of her early youth. Feelings flare up again. However, a woman usually extinguishes passion through an effort of will, considering herself a criminal, a destroyer of her own family nest. She experiences psychological pressure: her consciousness demands recognition of betrayal, repentance to the husband of a married lady.
Constant loneliness
If a woman is often left alone when her husband is away, she feels strong loneliness and abandonment, even when she is sure that the man loves her. Then the lady cheats. The woman does not have any long-term plans related to her lover. She's just trying to overcome loneliness.
Way to end a relationship
It can be difficult for a woman to “outright” break off a relationship. She is afraid to tell her husband frankly: the feelings have disappeared. That's why he takes a lover. The lady has no love for him. An affair on the side is simply a reason for divorce.
These are the main explanations for why women cheat, whose psychology is more vulnerable and sensitive than men’s.
Are you ready to forgive?
Of course, it is important how your friend feels, but think about whether you yourself are ready to forgive the betrayal with another woman and try to restore the relationship.
It is often difficult to accept the fact that you have been betrayed. Pride is suffering greatly at the moment. Listen to yourself and determine how her cheating with another girl makes you feel.
If you want to stay with her, some things will have to change because rebuilding trust won't be easy. Start with an honest conversation about a shared future.
It is highly recommended to emphasize the importance of honesty as the basis of relationships. If you are going to rebuild trust, it is important to be completely honest with each other.
Ways to avoid female infidelity
It is important for a man to remain the same attentive gentleman he was when he met his future other half. It is necessary to make pleasant surprises, unexpectedly give tights, shoes, say that your beloved is the best, the most beautiful. The spouse should remember romance, spend a lot of time with his beloved, and provide emotional support.
The husband needs to help his wife with housework and actively participate in raising children. If the wife earns good money, the man needs to rejoice at the success of his other half. The husband must hide that he is hurt by this state of affairs. On the occasion of a promotion, the spouse should organize a small celebration, congratulate, and give gifts.
Naturally, we must not forget about the intimate side of relationships. It is beneficial for the husband to do everything so that the woman receives pleasure during sex. A wife should always feel that she occupies a central place in the life of her loved one. This will strengthen the marriage union and reduce the danger of betrayal.
Remember! It is important for women to refrain from extremely ineffective, “negative” ways to prevent infidelity. A husband should not be jealous, threaten, try to control, or try to find out where his wife is. This will only encourage adultery.
If a couple lives in a civil marriage, the man needs to propose marriage as soon as possible. Any person of the fairer sex always makes plans, thinks about the future, and craves stable, strong relationships. The absence of a wedding ring on your finger causes anxiety. The woman thinks that the day will come when she will be abandoned. The lady begins to think about plan B. If the beloved does not even want to listen about marriage or children, then the spouse can begin to implement plan B. That is why a man needs to make plans for the future together with his beloved. Then, psychologists say, there is no threat of betrayal.
Ways to find out if a woman is cheating
It is difficult for a woman to hide her own feelings. Most often, the lady admits everything or gives herself away. The cheating spouse sits for a long time in front of the mirror, starts going to aerobics and fitness again, and constantly tries to look good. Not only in your own eyes, but also in the eyes of your lover.
Also, the unfaithful woman begins to find fault with things that she previously tolerated (dishes unwashed by her husband, scattered clothes). Or vice versa: he completely stops paying attention to his spouse’s shortcomings, as if the spouse is not at all interested. An unfaithful wife becomes emotionally and sexually cold. Avoids any physical contact (even simple hugs).
When a spouse is sure that his wife is cheating or his wife has admitted everything, it is very important to decide what to do next. They should talk honestly about the future together. Of course, a couple who finds themselves in such a difficult situation needs the help of psychologists. Experts will help you decide whether it is worth saving the relationship, or whether love has already completely faded away, and therefore it is better to get a divorce calmly without unnecessary dramas or scandals.
Consequences of female infidelity
Women's infidelity is much more likely than men's to end in divorce. It can be difficult for a lady to stop cheating, even when she wants to. Emotionally, she is already “split”; her lover has become a close person with whom the woman connects her own future.
Naturally, betrayal affects children. Teenage daughters may begin to experience hostile feelings towards their father, placing the blame for what happened on his shoulders. Sons, on the contrary, will tend to blame their mother. This will have a negative impact on the psyche. Children will begin to associate marital relationships with deception and suffering. Building normal relationships with the opposite sex will not be easy.
Does she still like men?
You cannot completely ignore the fact that the betrayal was with a girl, and not with a man. Clarifying this point in detail is important for the future of the relationship.
You should ask:
- When did she realize she was interested in other women?
- Was this something she had been thinking about since she was a teenager, or had she only started thinking about it recently?
- Has your wife fallen in love with another woman or has other feelings for her?
- Does she still want men?
Perhaps she didn’t care that she was a girl, and her wife was simply looking for attention and intimacy? Women may cheat because they feel neglected.
Finally, you may need to find out about where she sees herself at this point. Did the wife become lesbian or bisexual or was it just an experiment?
It is important to understand why she cheated on her boyfriend with another girl.
Ways to overcome the consequences of betrayal if the marriage was saved
If the marriage can be saved, the woman returns to her husband, the couple needs serious psychological help. After all, feelings of guilt can lead to severe depression. With the help of proven psychotherapeutic techniques, psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin will help his wife overcome remorse for what she has done and help the man regain self-respect.
In order for the deep wounds from betrayal to heal, the wife should be as frank as possible. At a therapy session or alone with her husband, a woman must honestly admit everything and ask for forgiveness. It is very important that the lady explains the motives for her actions and tells how long the betrayal lasted. Then gradually the husband will again begin to trust his other half.
Psychologists advise the reconciled couple to conduct a symbolic ritual of farewell to the past. At some memorable place (for example, next to the wedding palace or temple where the couple got married), they need to burn a piece of paper with the inscription “treason”, then re-swear an oath of fidelity to each other. This will definitely be remembered and will bring back good memories. Also, the couple needs to organize a “remake” of the honeymoon, go on a honeymoon again in order to forget the past, and start a relationship with a clean slate.
What does a girl do after cheating?
It may also be interesting how the girl herself behaves after she cheated on her boyfriend. Two behavior models can be distinguished here:
- The girl admits to cheating. She is ashamed of her action, feels guilty, or simply understands that the relationship has exhausted itself. She cheated and now suffers or, on the contrary, feels nothing. Here she wants to directly tell the guy about her actions.
A girl who is suffering can beg for forgiveness. She repents, promises a lot, swears love. What should a guy do? It’s up to him to decide: he can either forgive or break up. The interesting thing is that a girl, after some time of remorse, can cheat again. It will only hurt her at first, but then she will get used to solving her problems through betrayal.
A girl who understands that the relationship has exhausted itself admits to cheating in order to break up. She will not ask for forgiveness and beg her to forgive her. She will coldly tell you what she did and then break off the relationship. The girl may offer to remain friends. However, experts do not advise agreeing to her proposal. This is humiliating: first she cheated on you, and then she left you, offering to remain friends. Only a loser would agree to be her friend.
- The girl moves the arrows. In other words, she blames the guy for her cheating. Like, he did something that made her cheat on him. It is he who loves her little, does not trust her, is constantly jealous, etc., which is why she slept with someone else.
All this is manipulation aimed at justifying oneself. The girl cheated - that's a fact! Cheating was her decision. You didn't put her in bed with another guy. This means there is no need to apologize and forgive her.
What causes female infidelity through the eyes of a psychologist? Methods of self-justification
Psychologists say: betrayal leads to cognitive dissonance - a discord between values and actions. That is why the cheating spouse needs to justify the betrayal. This situation is reminiscent of a war when a soldier is forced to kill, although his values do not allow him to do this. The soldier needs to temporarily change his own principles and find a good justification for the murders. Or, in psychological terms, rationalize your own actions. The role of “rationalizer” is played by patriotic propaganda.
Methods of self-justification:
- The saint is not worthy of a woman. Of course, an extramarital affair is not murder, but it also causes discord between a person’s values and actions. The cheating person often rationalizes the betrayal, instilling in himself the idea that the other half deserves it. The discord between values and actions weakens, and the woman is no longer tormented by doubts. With a clear conscience, she begins to look for a new partner.
- Double life. Also, some people suppress feelings of guilt with the help of separate thinking. A woman divides her personal life into two parts. The first is reserved for the husband, the second for the lover. A woman ceases to be aware of the inconsistency of her own behavior and begins to lead a double life, trying to remain a good wife for her husband and be a desirable lover for another. Women rarely choose this way to rationalize their feelings of guilt. It is much more characteristic of the male gender.
- The woman thinks she is “bad.” Some people, in order to get rid of cognitive dissonance, convince themselves that they simply cannot be faithful wives. To reduce feelings of guilt, ladies begin to think that they have an immature character and cannot control their own behavior. “If only I had been,” such representatives of the fairer sex say to themselves, “I would have been better, I would have remained faithful. But my terrible character and bad heredity don’t help. There is no one to blame for the betrayal.”
Blaming a lady for such “immoral thoughts” is really pointless. A person who commits adultery longs for his values and actions to coincide, otherwise a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, guilt, and despair will inevitably arise. This mental state often ends in depression, even suicide attempts. Therefore, there is nothing strange that the human psyche does everything to get rid of the painful value dissonance born of betrayal.
Cheating on a woman does not necessarily result in the end of a relationship or tragedy. Often it's a new beginning. If the wife leaves her lover, and the husband is ready to forgive, then they will turn over this difficult page of their lives and fall in love with each other again. Tips on the YouTube channel will help you get out of a difficult situation.
What to do?4
Psychologists say that, by and large, it doesn’t matter whether the wife cheated with a friend or with another man. The fact of betrayal is obvious. And only the husband can decide what to do with the current situation. Of course, you can proudly turn and walk away, and then talk about the cruelty and infidelity of the entire female race. Or you can understand the situation and try to level it out.
Dos and don'ts:
- Be sure to talk first. It is impossible to correct the situation if it is not clear which way the wind is blowing. It may happen that this step will be decisive. It is important for a woman to be heard and understood. When this is achieved, the problem is easier to solve. And if both agree to work on repairing the family boat, success is guaranteed;
- In any case, a man needs to do everything to quickly get out of the state of shock and stop suffering. It is especially dangerous to remain in a stressful state for a long time, as this has a negative impact on health;
- if the situation is complicated with the inclusion of homosexual inclinations, it is better to let go of your ex-life friend and start a new page in your biography;
- maintain your own dignity in any case. Establish the reasons, but do not stoop to scandals and showdowns, do not discuss with friends and strangers, do not brand with shame on every corner. Otherwise it will be difficult to be called a man;
- think constructively. This means doing everything to solve the problem, and not stroking your ego;
- do not try to hold on, do not beg to return or stay, do not blackmail with children. A priori a losing strategy, nothing will be achieved;
- don’t wait for him to come to his senses, but start to improve his own life. Do what you love, communicate with other people, earn money;
- don’t decide for her, don’t come up with ways out of the situation. It is better to accept the situation and allow the wife to do as she wants;
- accept as an axiom that half the blame for what happened lies with the man. Having understood this, change, at least so that the situation does not repeat itself. And in general, decide for yourself what you want and don’t want. This will help you decide on a strategy for a happy life;
- but there is no point in trying to direct your ex-wife to the true path, it will only have the opposite effect;
- if you still want to get your wife back, you need to understand what her aspirations and desires are, what thoughts and emotions forced her to cheat, and change the situation, give your wife what she so lacked - care and attention;
- some experts advise to act tough. They claim that for the wife it is all a game. When he's played enough, he'll come to his senses. To make this happen faster, you need to limit her in finances, communication with children and other help. This will make you sober up and return to your family. Of course, you can follow the advice, but the result is difficult to predict.
There is a way out of any situation, the main thing is that there is a desire and desire to reach the end.
