Faced with a partner’s betrayal when the relationship is in a romantic period, a woman most often immediately leaves the unfaithful gentleman and goes in search of a new romance. But when a couple has been married for more than one year and has children, it is much more difficult to make a quick and correct decision. Moreover, if the spouse does not remain faithful to his wife, but is in no hurry to leave the family. Psychologists cannot give unambiguous advice on exactly how a woman should behave in a situation and what to do if her husband is walking. Everything depends on her.
Psychology
Psychologists explain this behavior by purely male reasons, one of which lies in banal egoism. Because of this feeling, a man strives to have two partners at once: a legal wife who acts as a reliable support for him and the mistress of a cozy home, and a mistress who can fill his life with fresh sensations, emotions, and inspiration. Two women nearby give him self-confidence and a sense of importance, so he will not put himself before a choice.
A husband's infidelity or regular visits to another woman do not always mean that his love for his wife has passed.
Often the cause of infidelity is a lack of sexual desire in married life. A man can have a mistress only for the sake of carnal pleasures.
However, there are many examples of cases in which a man has feelings for both women and does not want to lose either of them. Maintaining a relationship with his wife and mistress at the same time, the husband feels whole, since both women serve as a complement to each other for him.
It also happens that a man will experience equally strong feelings for both women.
The psychology of a woman who has become a mistress lies in the constant expectation of her lover’s divorce and living together with him. However, this rarely happens.
Even if a man decides to leave for his mistress, their life together often does not work out - he returns to his previous family. Men are afraid of losing the support they have had for many years. At the same time, they are also too lazy to start all over again. They prefer to part with their new chosen one and return to their usual way of life.
Even an internally perfect and outwardly insanely beautiful mistress will not be able to facilitate a divorce. A man constantly promises to separate from his wife as soon as possible, says that he has stopped loving her, but he always finds reasons why he cannot do this in the near future. He hides behind problems with finances, illness of children, the wife herself, etc. It is unlikely that such behavior can be called noble in relation to both women. Of course, one day there will come a time when a liar will have to answer for his actions, but he is unlikely to change his tactics even when he is presented with a choice.
The best ways to tell if your husband is cheating
The husband is polygamous and previously lived in an open relationship
On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it would be correct to mention the following facts:
- Your spouse cannot immediately suppress his instincts , if previously he gave them complete freedom. He can't stop looking at other women anymore.
- No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest.
- If a man is an alpha male in life, a hunter and a lover , then it will be difficult for him to suppress this in himself.
- The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desires , but he cannot do this openly and cheats.
Therefore, he secretly makes cool mistresses, with whom it is cool and with whom he can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems that arise from it.
Why do men stay with their wives?
Many people are concerned about this question. It would seem that if a husband is satisfied with his relationship with another woman, why shouldn’t he leave his wife for her completely? The important point is that only wives ask this question. Husbands don't even think about it. They live well on two fronts, why change anything.
A man has achieved a certain material well-being, bought or built a home, he has a wife and children, and at the moment he can live for himself. This is how he reasons and does not see anything reprehensible in this. In addition, representatives of the stronger sex see a big difference between a legal wife and a woman on the side. They treat their wife as sacred, inviolable, their own, faithful, reliable, incapable of betrayal. In a mistress they see sexuality, unpredictability, ease, this is her attractiveness.
Also, the husband often has an emotional attachment to his wife, which he does not feel for his mistress. Therefore, he is in no hurry to leave his missus.
Often the husband remains in the family because he has a strong emotional attachment to his wife and children
In addition to those mentioned above, there are other reasons that are slightly less important, but have an impact on the double life of the spouse:
- Common children. Most men consider themselves exemplary family men, which does not allow them to abandon raising children. A man’s duty as a father is to let the child know that he has a good, full-fledged family.
- Fear of public opinion. With a certain status, a man cannot present himself in an unsightly light. Often for society he is an exemplary family man and a helpful gentleman, but for his wife he is an unfaithful husband.
- Opinion of relatives and friends. Fear of whose side close people will take forces a man to stay in the family. If the couple aroused everyone's admiration, in the event of a breakup it will be him who will be condemned.
- Comfort at home. It is convenient for a man to continue living with his wife; a deliciously cooked dinner and clean shirts await him at home. The mistress’s apartment is filled with relaxation, sex, adrenaline and inspiration.
- Financial well-being. Some men are so afraid of losing their acquired property that even if they openly hate their wife, they will not leave her.
- Temporary infatuation. A man does not confuse the concepts of love and passion. Often, he describes his relationship with his new passion by passion. Thoughts swirl in his subconscious that infatuation quickly passes, but love remains. This is one of the reasons why he does not break up with his wife and does not leave.
Why do men leave their families?
Everything is bad in bed, dissatisfaction
Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.
Your marital games in bed may not satisfy your partner.
Not all women are skilled in bed for the following reasons::
- The wife is very young and not so experienced .
- Some girls are very uptight and do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
- Lack of education and limitations in knowledge.
- Not all wives want to accept their men's fantasies . A man by nature loves to make his extreme fantasies come true. Some people completely refuse to experiment.
If a man has tried this and that, but it doesn’t change or add variety in bed, out of desperation he may find himself a mistress.
Or even just find a walking girl for one night.
After all, if a wife is very bad in bed , a man can find a girl who is simply better in many ways.
The husband can find that girl on the side who makes him just blow his mind in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.
About a different smell
Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman . Even if her husband took a shower or put on perfume, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man suspects nothing, but the woman digs into her head and keeps wondering: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”
And the husband may still naively believe that everything is under control and he is in control of the situation. He does not even suspect that his wife recognized the smell of another.
How to be a wife: advice from psychologists
The first task for a woman in this case is to decide what she herself wants. Forgive a cheater or divorce him? Psychologists say that you cannot consider yourself to blame for everything and turn a blind eye to the case of another infidelity of your spouse. Voluntary acceptance of martyrdom will only complicate the situation.
You should also not give in to the temptation to take revenge on your spouse and homewrecker. You shouldn’t look for meetings with her to cause a scandal or beg her to give up the man. In addition, you should never change in response. Usually, after such an act, a woman does not experience relief or satisfaction; on the contrary, she feels used not only by her husband, but also by her lover.
A woman who has learned about betrayal should try to imagine what her future together with the man who committed the betrayal will be like.
Consider whether he is capable of cheating again. If the inner voice gives a positive answer to this question, there should be no talk of a second chance. Otherwise, you will have to endure a lot more stress and suffer a lot. The best option would be a divorce decision.
If your spouse is not ready to finally break up with the cheater, you can seek advice from a psychologist.
The advice is this: an unfaithful husband must be given a choice: his legal wife or his mistress. An important point is that you cannot use ultimatums, blackmail and threats.
In this case, the faithful will quickly pack his things and close the door behind him. You need to solve the problem through a calm, thoughtful conversation.
Do not use ultimatums and blackmail in conversations with your husband
Without taking any action, allowing the unfaithful husband to continue living together, the woman tacitly agrees to repeat his infidelities. Staying silent and experiencing what is happening inside yourself is not the best way to deal with the problem. A man will not understand his wife’s pain if she does not share it with him.
If a partner openly says that he is in love with another woman, but is in no hurry to leave, you can offer him temporary separation. There is no need to be afraid - it is unlikely that he will immediately happily run away with his suitcases to his mistress. Usually the man himself is in a stressful state, you need to give him the opportunity to be alone with himself, to think about what is happening. Romantic relationships on the side are wonderful, as long as they are forbidden. But if the cards are revealed, there is practically no interest left, if it does not fade away completely.
It happens that the spouse himself needs help. Probably, only thanks to his wife will he be able to decide what to do next. It is necessary to imagine all the pros and cons of the relationship, remember the past - joys and difficulties. The best option would be to directly ask whether the husband wants to save the family.
Entering into conversations with a homewrecker and asking your husband to show her is a bad idea. You should always think about your own dignity first. Also, don’t be capricious and offended like a child. To distract yourself, you can find a new interesting activity. The main thing is to continue to lead a full life, even through force. Stepping back from what happened will help you make the right decision.
If possible, you can treat your spouse’s betrayal as a reason to start a new, happier life. At the same time, a woman needs to start with herself - change externally, internally, devote time to self-improvement and self-realization.
How to learn to trust your husband after cheating
She gives all her time to the child
If a child appears in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time only with him at first.
How does a baby affect your sex life?:
- These are constant screams at night that will not allow you to rest together.
- This is caring for the baby, diapering, breastfeeding.
- A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
- Sometimes, when the baby sucks milk from the mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of pleasure. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.
Hence, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.
The husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion together with his mistress.
In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.
How to save a family?
If your husband cheats, if he is in no hurry to leave the family, you need to come to terms with your emotions and pain. Then carry out thorough preparation before the long and difficult task of saving the family. The first stage will be a normal conversation. An important point is that it should take place without scandals or scenes of jealousy.
Having decided to save the family, the wife should listen to several pieces of advice:
The conversation must be conducted in such a way that the chosen one understands that he is being forgiven for the first and last time. If a man is forgiven for one betrayal, then another, he will not understand anything and will continue to be attracted to other women.- It is important to avoid comparing yourself to a homewrecker. This comparison will make it even more painful, and overall it doesn’t look very reasonable.
- There is no need to justify or make excuses. Both are to blame for what happened, but it was the husband who cheated.
- Don't take revenge. Having a lover as a lover is not a reason to rush into the arms of another man. Cheating out of spite will only bring disappointment, additional pain and shame for what was done. In addition, it is ugly to involve a stranger in family squabbles in this way.
- The fight should be started only if you absolutely want to live with your husband for many more years.
- Forgiveness must be sincere. If you are not sure that you will be able to forget what happened, you should not renew your relationship with your spouse. Forgiveness through force will fill the future lives of both spouses with a nightmare - with every accidental mistake of the partner, it will be difficult to resist reproaching and blaming him for a past mistake.
Why do men cheat on their wives, even if they love them?
The reason why a husband cheats on his wife?, here in each individual case and needs to be examined separately. It’s definitely been noticed that if you don’t systematically take care of yourself, you walk around the house in terrible clothes that disfigure you, there are always various masks smeared all over your face, constant curlers and towels on your head, systemic unshavenness in the bikini area, and in general your appearance scares him more than anything else. seduces, plus to all this you constantly deny him sex or do not allow anything, only hard classic sex with the lights off in complete darkness and nothing more - then be prepared that a more accommodating and loving liberated lady will not keep you waiting long before appearing in his life.
In such a situation, as a rule, the wife herself is to blame, due to the reasons listed above. You can continue not to give him a blowjob in response to his numerous requests and refuse other sexual pleasures, don’t worry, someone else will do it for you in the very near future, and you can continue to calmly twist your nose or whatever you’re doing. And over time, your husband will stop paying attention to you and even stop talking to you. Who do you think is to blame for this development of events?
So even if your husband loves you very much, but you will constantly deprive him of sex and various kinds of sexual experiments and pleasures with you, and at the same time look terrible, then expect, as they say, betrayal on his part, you yourself will lead him to this pushing. There is even such a vital everyday saying that “a man should leave the house well-fed and with empty eggs . Think about it.
Because of the perception “You can change as long as no one finds out”
Because of television and the mass media, the idea that married men are obliged to cheat is implanted in the brain of a young man from birth.
Guys cheat, even though they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and a common occurrence, as if in the order of things.
In some families, wives directly make it clear to their partner: “ If you are cheating on me, do it so that I don’t find out .”
They actually voice it and say it, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.
Of course, later the wife will regret what she said if the betrayal comes to light.
Selfish motives
The desire to prove to myself and friends “what a cool lover I am”
The reasons for a husband’s infidelity may be the following selfish motives:
- Stretch your ego, feel superior . Read more about ego and selfishness in detail on the next page at the link.
- Satisfy your libido.
- From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when the man learned that attention could always be had, all he had to do was do something, the man ventures into the unknown.
- Because of the desire to assert himself in front of his friends , to gain their approval, so that they would tell him: “Wow! Probably fried?! Wow, man!
- He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of possessing other women. After all, this had never been possible for him before.
- My husband's friends are bachelors and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to show off something and went to the left. That is, the reason is to brag to friends.
Is physiology always the cause of cheating?
Of course, any heterosexual man inside reacts very sensitively to female beauty, this is physiology. Moreover, modern fashion does not spare men at all, flaunting women’s “physiology” quite excessively, please show understanding. But from “look” to “change” - the difference is the distance into the ocean. And so, I repeat, a significant percentage of men who have what is called “everything” in a relationship do not even think about cheating, and certainly do not take concrete steps in this direction.
What to do if you find out about your husband’s infidelity, but he is in no hurry to leave you?
- The first thing you need is time. You need to sort out your feelings and understand what really connects you with your husband.
- Try living alone for a while. If possible, go on vacation and change your surroundings.
- Don't withdraw into yourself and try to maintain open communication with your husband. Talk about your feelings.
- Weigh the pros and cons of divorce for you.
- If necessary, consult a psychologist so as not to cheat in response out of revenge.
- Do not communicate with your husband's mistress.
- Shift the focus to yourself. Take care of yourself, and others will begin to treat you accordingly.
- Avoid paranoid behavior: Don't spy on your spouse.
The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself
Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.
The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:
- Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
- Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
- The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
- A woman is no longer attractive.
If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.
Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.
We describe in more detail how a woman can become more confident in herself in the next publication.
By alcoholic accident
There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”
And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.
After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.
Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.
He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.
Cheating occurs unconsciously.
This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.
To create jealousy or for revenge
Some men are very jealous. They may be motivated by selfish motives for cheating.
That is, even because of a simple feeling of envy or a feeling of inferiority, the husband wants to make his wife jealous.
Another reason could be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him at some point.
Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and stroke his pride on the side, taking revenge on his wife.
For example, he sees his wife communicating and flirting with other men at some holiday.
Her husband is often jealous of all men in a row.
He remembers all this and is looking for a mistress so that now they will be jealous of him .
