The age of such a concept as adultery is comparable in time to the existence of the very institution of marriage and family. Anna Karenina, the heroine of the work of the same name by L. N. Tolstoy, was unable to survive the loss of reputation and honor after betraying her husband, and decided to commit suicide by throwing herself under the wheels of a passing train. Betrayal by a lover is no easier to endure, so women who find themselves in such a difficult life situation wonder if their husband has changed what to do. Advice from a psychologist and practical recommendations to restore emotional balance and get rid of psychological stress are in the text below.
How do you know if your husband is cheating?
Many women like to look for reasons for jealousy even where they cannot exist. This type of behavior has a detrimental effect on relationships, and tired of constant suspicion, the husband can easily leave his grumpy wife. However, there are also obvious signs that the faithful is walking to the left, which if ignored would be to one’s own detriment. Among such signs it is worth highlighting the following:
- The husband tries to constantly control his wife and suspects her of adultery. As practice shows, pathological jealous people themselves have an increased tendency to commit adultery.
- During a conversation on sensitive topics, the husband hides his gaze and responds with the same type of phrases or goes into a defensive position as an accuser.
- Change in sexual activity. If there is complete calm or low activity of the spouse in the intimate sphere, this may be due to various factors. However, if he constantly refuses intimacy under fictitious pretexts, you should seriously think about his behavior.
- My husband hides his phone and deletes SMS messages and browsing history in all browsers with enviable regularity.
If your spouse begins to often stay late at work, you should not sound the alarm prematurely. It is quite possible that he is moving up the career ladder or devotes a lot of time to his own business. However, if, while disappearing in the evenings at work, the spouse does not answer phone calls and SMS messages, after which he comes up with “excuses” and avoids a direct answer, it is worth taking a closer look at the reasons that caused such metamorphoses. How can you find out that your husband is cheating? The psychologist recommends not to leave the following factors unnoticed:
- the husband initiates scandals and quarrels, accusing his wife of fictitious offenses. He uses the scandal as an argument allowing him to leave the house, turn off his mobile phone and not answer further questions about his whereabouts;
- the spouse’s salary has sharply decreased or his expenses have increased.
It is not recommended to use all kinds of bugs, listening devices and other spy equipment in order to bring out a spouse who has been on a spree on the side. Such methods are resorted to in extreme cases, when the husband does not give a divorce or makes threats against his wife.
Confidence
The question of how to calm down after your husband’s betrayal is very relevant. First, try to regain trust in him. If you see that he sincerely repents of what happened, this is a very good sign. Don't be afraid to make mistakes twice. This fear can significantly slow down the process of your complete truce.
Every person has the right to make mistakes. Convince yourself that your husband had the right to try another option. There is no need to punish him severely for this. Try to cope with your ambitions and allow your spouse to atone for his guilt. Don't check it or control it. This will prevent trust from being born again.
How to behave if your husband cheats but doesn’t leave: advice from a psychologist
For some people, the desire to deceive is so strong that it becomes a habit and turns into a pattern that is very difficult to eradicate. Outright lies are typical of men who feel discomfort under the yoke of marriage. Distortion of the truth in itself has destructive potential, however, if the lie is accompanied by adultery, the marriage will have no chance of successfully continuing.
Adultery is a serious challenge for any woman. If the husband, faced with the fact of direct proof of infidelity, continues to lie, you must adhere to the following algorithm of actions:
- Explain to the unfaithful spouse that a lie is a very shaky foundation that will not withstand any test of strength.
- Convey to your husband the information that a crisis associated with infidelity can strengthen the relationship. Many couples who managed to survive adultery claimed that after this their marriage became much stronger.
- For most women, the best solution to such problems is a scandal with obscene language and breaking dishes. Such methods can lead to a temporary lull, which will most likely lead to the spouse’s “bed exploits” resuming with renewed vigor.
There is no point in keeping accumulated negativity inside you, so it is permissible to give your husband a good verbal thrashing, choosing your expressions and not losing the essence behind the stream of abuse. A more balanced and effective decision in this case would be to formulate a list of claims as clearly and succinctly as possible and put forward your demands as the injured party. It is definitely impossible to take it out on children, relatives and people from your immediate circle, since they are definitely not the culprits of adultery.
What to do if your husband cheats and lies, but doesn’t want to leave? The advice of a psychologist in such a situation will seem strange to many: the best effect on a seasoned reveler is a counter-lie, allowing him to look at his own behavior in the mirror. It is not at all necessary to take revenge on your spouse by retaliating, but you can arrange a meeting with old friends or stay overnight with your best friend. When answering your husband’s questions about where you are staying, you need to tell him any, even the most implausible fables.
Important! The role of a martyr, when a woman knows about her husband’s infidelity, but chooses to turn a blind eye to it due to lack of willpower or cowardice, leads to disastrous consequences and does not help in any way the task of strengthening the marriage bond.
Revenge
You must understand that now the main thing is to concentrate on the relationship with your husband, determine the reasons that led to this result and try to patch up the holes in them, and not think about your rival or the place with her. Never compare yourself to her and don’t even think about dating her. This chance will give her some advantage over you.
Throwing tantrums
If you make a scandal and throw tantrums at your husband, then such destructive behavior will definitely lead to an inevitable breakup. Even if you are in unbearable pain, still try to talk to him calmly, without presenting any ultimatums to him.
Feel sorry for yourself
If you begin to feel constant pity for yourself, then this will be the most terrible thing that can ever happen. Try to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, one with whom a man can overcome any obstacles. It is precisely such women that attract men, and not whiny ladies, as is usually thought. Therefore, wipe away your tears and never show them to your man.
How to react to your husband’s betrayal - advice from a psychologist
What to do if you find out about your husband's infidelity? Advice from a psychologist: first of all, you should not give in to rage and make attempts to meet with the homewrecker and express your accumulated complaints to her face. It is worth adopting the following practical recommendations that will allow you to maintain honor, dignity, and relieve yourself of mental stress:
- Ask your best friends for advice. Communication with loved ones will cool the ardor and provide a wonderful opportunity to look at the picture of what happened as objectively as possible.
- Take a break from the relationship and move to a place that will not remind you of your unfaithful spouse. Thanks to temporary separate living, you will be able to weigh all the arguments both in favor and against breaking up with your cheater with a “cool head.”
A meeting with good friends should not turn into a permanent discussion of the faults and negative qualities of the spouse. Instead of pointlessly digging into the past, which only brings suffering, it makes sense to direct the dialogues in a constructive direction. Having asked the opinions of your friends, you need to draw up at least a rough plan for further actions and jointly consider the first steps to get out of the psychological crisis.
The next step in stabilizing mental comfort is the fight against a negative emotional background, which requires some effort to change. Restoring lost trust between spouses is not an easy task, and its solution can take a very long period from several months to many years.
What to do if your husband cheated? Advice from a psychologist: there is no need to rashly take revenge on your husband through retaliatory betrayal. However, to raise self-esteem, it would be useful to switch attention to an old boyfriend or a new friend by visiting a cafe, restaurant or exhibition with him. Compliments and praise from the mouth of a stranger will definitely not harm a woman’s wounded pride. Of course, you need to immediately warn your partner in the cultural program that the meeting will not have any further development.
If the husband’s infidelity was revealed during his wife’s pregnancy, it will be very difficult for her to survive the fact of betrayal. However, the reason for going to the left may be caused by the spouse’s fear of intimacy with a pregnant woman. It is important to remain calm and think first about the health of the unborn child, since severe stress has a very negative effect on the development of the fetus.
Important! Hot-tempered and impulsive natures can be advised to take a break instead of hysteria and scandal and take a quick walk through the forest, park or alley. Walking allows you to smooth out the severity of negative experiences and return to a state of emotional stability in the shortest possible time.
Principles of conduct
If there is no understanding of how a wife should behave after her husband’s betrayal, she should start by completely abstracting herself from the situation. You must understand that all the worst is behind you. The news about the betrayal was very difficult, but today there is no need to dramatize the situation again.
Try to increase your self-esteem, change your image, pay more attention to your appearance. Make sure that men passing by pay attention to you. Feel like a beauty. Write a list of your positive qualities on a piece of paper, remember your victories. You need to love yourself so that this betrayal does not provoke the development of inferiority complexes.
The husband walks, but does not leave: advice from a psychologist
If the husband cheats, but does not leave, the psychologist’s advice will be as follows: it is initially necessary to establish the reason for the spouse’s infidelity. Otherwise, you can easily reach a nervous breakdown, going through hundreds of options in your head. The most common motives for male infidelity are:
- lack of mutual understanding within the family, constant scandals, noisy proceedings and excessive jealousy on the part of the wife;
- lack of diversity in the sexual sphere. A man's move to the left is often provoked by boredom and indifference that reigns within the marital bedroom;
- selfishness. The subject commits adultery, justifying his own behavior by the inherent polygamy of all men, or is guided by an inflated sense of importance;
- Many husbands are prevented from divorcing by the need to divide jointly acquired property. In this way, they create a completely comfortable existence for themselves with their wife and mistress.
Often men choose a “double life” due to the presence of minor children who must be raised in a full-fledged family. The opinion of relatives, acquaintances and work colleagues can be a deterrent to severing official relations. Fear of public censure often pushes people to invent sophisticated schemes designed to hide the true state of affairs from the eyes of others. Preserving your social status and dignity is definitely not more important than your own health, so you shouldn’t repeat the mistakes of Anna Karenina.
For most women, it is in the order of things to punish their spouse with intimate abstinence, which in the most obvious way can result in a search for a less prone to whims and a more accommodating passion on the side. The reasons that a husband cheats, but does not leave for another woman for good, may be hidden in the banal force of habit and reluctance to disrupt the usual way of things. Some men are unwitting hostages of the image of a womanizer, formed in their youth. According to the ingrained pattern, the alpha male must constantly prove his superiority through victories on the personal front.
If the husband has been repeatedly seen flirting with other women, or there have been proven facts of infidelity, most likely the vector of his behavior will remain the same in the future. Therefore, you should seriously think about breaking up with your unfaithful spouse, otherwise marriage risks turning into constant stress and permanent wear and tear on each other’s nerves. Forgiving previous infidelities will not lead to anything good, and maintaining such relationships is highly discouraged. This is exactly the situation when, in order to improve your life, you need to leave your comfort zone for a while.
A woman who tolerates her husband’s going to the left loses both self-respect and authority in the eyes of her unfaithful husband. With a high degree of probability, it can be assumed that the husband will take advantage of this situation for mercantile purposes and begin to manipulate his wife. Almost any adequately thinking psychologist will advise a woman to break off all diplomatic relations with a cheater and find the courage to file for divorce.
Tendency to cheat by zodiac sign
Looking for why guys cheat based only on their date of birth is, at the very least, unreasonable. It happens that two people born on the same day, but with a difference of several hours, will be diametrically opposed in character and habits. But there is a benefit from a personal horoscope; it warns about typical characteristics:
- Aries is harsh in judgment and quick-tempered, but prefers an interesting, strong permanent partner;
- Taurus seeks adventure in his youth, gradually learning the values of a strong family and becoming a faithful husband;
- Geminis are flighty and temperamental, but they will commit infidelity only out of resentment or revenge;
- Leos are regal, courageous and generous, inclined to create a harem, where everyone will feel like a queen, but when they meet the only one, they are ready to be with her all their lives;
- Virgo is restrained and pedantic, which she also demands from her partner; she leaves for another only after systematic disappointment in the object of her adoration;
- Libras are romantics and dreamers, it is important to be on the same wavelength with them and then the storms of life will bypass the family;
- Sagittarius is an extreme person and a connoisseur of freedom, he will be there as long as his wife is able to surprise him, without trying to put him on a short leash;
- Capricorn is practical and unhurried, values material wealth, strives for it and demands the same from his wife; a common goal is necessary;
- Aquarians honestly try to improve their lives and relationships, but if they fail, they abruptly change their partner;
- Pisces are completely given over to love, spiritual unity is more important to them than bodily pleasures, they rarely cheat, being in the grip of their fantasies, they value care.
How to behave with your husband after his betrayal - advice from a psychologist
All women who have experienced betrayal by their spouse wonder: what to do if your husband cheated?
Advice from a psychologist: you need to subject yourself to a detailed analysis of the reasons and motives that pushed your spouse to the left. According to statistics, a huge proportion of divorce cases occur due to misunderstanding and lack of respect on the part of both partners. Women who have authoritarian character traits and are accustomed to control need to “loose their grip” and pay attention to the needs of their spouse.
Instead of lamentations, close attention should be paid to external and internal transformation. To begin with, you can organize shopping accompanied by friends. The process of buying new things will allow you to temporarily distract yourself from negative thoughts, improve your mood and choose clothes that will not go unnoticed by people of the opposite sex. Those who have long wanted to purchase a gym membership should immediately put their plans into action. Ladies who are close friends with sports can be recommended to take up one of its extreme varieties. A surge of adrenaline helps relieve stress at the hormonal level.
It is advisable to pay due attention to cultural development. A visit to the theater, the premiere of an expected film or a new museum exhibition will not only broaden your horizons, but also take your mind off the worries associated with your husband’s betrayal. It would be a good idea to pick up an exciting hobby, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s culinary courses or personal growth training. At first, it is preferable to surround yourself with the company of friends and acquaintances, since for most people during such a period loneliness is unbearable.
What to do if your husband cheats, how to behave? Advice from a psychologist: it is very important for a woman who has experienced betrayal by her husband to love herself and accept her own originality and uniqueness as an indisputable fact. Self-love does not imply a selfish and exalted attitude towards other people, but an objective assessment of shortcomings and advantages in order to improve appearance, physical fitness, and also learn to enjoy life. Most often, husbands disdain those wives who give reason for this and allow themselves to be treated in this way.
Hidden grievances are considered the lot of weak people who are accustomed to shifting all responsibility for any events to others. In addition, hidden anger is considered the cause of various chronic diseases. Husband won't admit to cheating? Advice from a psychologist: if the evidence of adultery is obvious, and the spouse convicted of treason continues to put on a good face while playing poorly, there is no point in maintaining a relationship with him.
Sure signs
Finally, there are several sure signs by which you can definitely identify a deceiver.
One of them is the appearance of unexpected changes associated with the car. For example, he begins to wash it regularly and acquires new accessories. Notice how far back the passenger seat is where you usually sit. If it is at an unusual distance, it means that someone regularly uses it in your absence.
The presence of a mistress always reveals increased expenses. Men themselves, as a rule, begin to write off new expenses precisely because of regular breakdowns of their “iron horse”.
Unexpected changes in his image also give a man away. For example, if previously he was far from business style in his clothes, now he constantly goes to work exclusively in a suit and tie. In addition, he developed an interest in men's fashion - bright and stylish shirts, unusual shoes, new wallets and watches. You should be wary if a man begins to closely monitor his appearance. I started going to the pool or gym, going for morning jogs, getting pedicures and manicures, and changing my hairstyle.
New habits are also emerging among men who regularly cheat on their wives. For example, he began to buy more expensive shampoo, smoke other cigarettes, and new words appeared in his vocabulary, mainly characteristic of women. In some cases, he may begin to copy the accent characteristic of his mistress. As a result, he becomes more relaxed in public and begins to flirt more often.
Moreover, a man who cheats himself begins to be more picky about his other half. Can carefully study your diary, read messages, check correspondence on social networks. If you try to do the same, you will usually come across an empty list of calls and messages, that is, the spouse gets rid of evidence in advance, cleaning up his tracks.
When the husband warns in the evenings that he will be late after work, while immediately trying to discuss all the issues that may arise during this time. For example, what to buy at the store on the way home. This is done so that during this time you do not distract him with calls and conversations.
What to do if your husband cheats, how to behave: advice from a psychologist
Many women who have suffered morally from marital betrayal ask a reasonable question: “my husband is cheating, what should I do?” Advice from a psychologist: you need to finally understand your attitude towards your husband and objectively look at the risk of continuing to seek adventures on the side. The verdict should not be made rashly, and it is best to carefully consider all the details, even if this takes a long period of time. You should seriously think about breaking up a relationship and divorce after such “alarm bells”:
- In cases where the fact of infidelity is no longer a secret, the spouse continues to lie, denying obvious evidence.
- The husband was seduced by another woman, whom he was unable to refuse due to cowardice.
- After the betrayal is made public, the spouse reacts aggressively, does not want to enter into a constructive dialogue, blaming everything on external circumstances, his wife and other unimportant factors.
Those who are unable to decide on a final break in relations should adopt the good old method, which is highly effective. To complete this you will need a sheet of blank paper, a pencil or a pen. Having secluded yourself in the most cozy and comfortable environment, you will need to write down all the pros and cons of further cohabitation with a traitor. More often than not, the list of arguments in favor of preserving the marriage turns out to be unexpectedly short, and in such a case there is no point in postponing the divorce.
As practice clearly demonstrates, taking revenge on your husband or mistress means harming yourself. Forgiveness is a much more effective method of preventing such situations. If you have children, you should start paying more attention to their upbringing, which will distract you from the surging problems and gradually bring the flow of life back to normal. If there is no child with the unfaithful spouse, one can only rejoice at this fact, and without any twinges of conscience, arrange an extraordinary vacation on tropical islands or in a village with which warm childhood memories are associated.
Important! You cannot turn children, relatives and friends against your unfaithful spouse, as well as threaten him with physical harm or suicide.
Cheating on your husband, how to behave: advice from a psychologist
My husband cheats but doesn’t leave, how should I behave? The psychologist will answer this question in this way: maintaining calm is considered perhaps the most important thing in a situation where the fact of the husband’s infidelity is proven. If the spouse does not make attempts to make amends or restore lost trust, taking steps to get closer to him is definitely not recommended. It is not uncommon for a husband to cheat on his wife with her best friend. What to do in such situations, everyone decides for himself. However, one of the most preferable options would be to sever ties with both the girlfriend and the beloved.
After leaving the family, many men, to their own surprise, realize that the relationship with their mistress does not develop as they imagined in their fantasies, and the remnants of romance are broken into everyday life and evaporate without a trace in an unknown direction. Statistics say that about half of unfaithful husbands, having had enough, try to return to the family. Should I forgive my prodigal partner or not? It all depends on the specific situation and a number of different details, which are very difficult to list within the scope of this article.
Some women, in the hope of saving a marriage that is bursting at the seams, resort to the services of all kinds of fortune tellers and psychics. Attempts to bewitch your husband will not lead to anything good, and will definitely not save a social unit doomed to divorce. You can help your marriage by undergoing a joint session of psychological therapy with qualified specialists. Surviving betrayal is very difficult, so the support of a hypnotist is often necessary to save a family.
Hypnotic sessions allow you to change your attitude towards a problem on a subconscious level and get rid of emotional turmoil and anxiety. Nikita Valerievich Baturin has enormous experience in the field of practical psychology and hypnotic influence. You can make an appointment with him in person (the office is located in the city of Tyumen) or “in absentia” (using Skype). You can watch useful videos from Nikita Valerievich on his YouTube channel.
Objective assessment
The question of whether it is worth forgiving a husband’s infidelity needs to be considered from different perspectives. If you managed to find out exactly why it happened, draw the right conclusions.
Perhaps you did something wrong (stopped taking care of yourself, took up a career, or plunged headlong into housekeeping). If your priority is self-affirmation and career growth, wouldn’t the decision to fully comply with your spouse’s demands infringe on your own rights and freedoms?
My husband is tired of fighting what he doesn't like. He preferred to try to build a relationship with another lady. Try to give an objective assessment of your actions. Think about the prospects for the future. This will help you make the right decision.
