- October 4, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Fedorova Victoria
In relationships between a woman and a man, situations arise when one of the partners begins to move away. Sometimes this happens at the initial stage of building an alliance. However, such situations are not uncommon even after the wedding. How to behave if a man moves away and how to improve relationships with your loved one? In this situation, knowledge of the psychology of the stronger half of humanity will help.
Why is this happening
Many girls are interested in: what to do if a man moves away? Psychologists are sure that they just need to be alone with themselves for some time. It turns out that even a man deeply in love can withdraw into himself for a while; he wants to retire to think.
However, there are much more serious reasons why he may move away:
- All men love freedom. When the time comes to build a serious relationship, they understand that for the sake of their beloved they will need to sacrifice something. Some men cannot always come to terms with this, so they begin to move away.
- Pressure exerted on a man. When a woman begins to make plans for the future without his knowledge, he may feel extremely uncomfortable. The man is sure that his opinion is not taken into account, and he is simply being used. This is why experts advise women not to make important decisions without their partner. This must be done together.
- Men begin to distance themselves when they notice that their chosen one is behaving completely differently than in the first meetings. True, this is not surprising. Women are able to initially put on a mask, but no one can pretend forever. A man moves away when he notices a lot of shortcomings in his chosen one, but he cannot change her. This upsets him and causes him to seriously think about the future.
- Problems in the life of a representative of the stronger half of humanity can also cause this situation. The psychology of a man is such that he will never be able to build a serious relationship if he cannot provide his chosen one with a happy future. The reason for his distance may be a simple lack of money.
- Feeling of unimportance. A man should be the one and only for his beloved. If she continues to accept signs of attention from other gentlemen, then the partner may feel “spare” or even superfluous.
These are the main reasons explaining why the man began to move away. It is clear that the solution to the problem will be completely individual. Women in this case should not despair. There are no situations from which you cannot find a way out. Mostly, the path to happiness is on the surface. However, not all women are able to make changes for the sake of their loved one.
In this situation, it cannot be said that one of the partners is bad. Both may be wonderful people, but with completely different personalities. For harmony in a union, it is necessary that a man and a woman have common interests or affairs. Otherwise the relationship will fall apart.
Sometimes it is the woman who does everything to destroy the existing union. Her behavior is to blame for this. To maintain a relationship, will and desire are needed, only then will it be possible to change the situation.
If a man moves away, what should I do? Psychologists give advice to women. It happens that relationships become obsolete. Most often, this situation occurs in couples who have lived together for 5-10 years. Therefore, the right solution is separation.
Option 1: he needs to weigh everything
The guy began to spend more and more time with you, but at some point he realized that you were already one step away from moving to a new stage in the relationship. At this stage, he will face certain obligations and restrictions (for example, in time and finances). This can be especially pronounced in those men who have long relationship experience behind them. At some point, they ask themselves: are they ready to give up a completely free life again in favor of a relationship with some duties and responsibilities for themselves and you? At this point, the man begins to move away to think things over.
He hesitates, at this stage his emotional state changes - it is still difficult for him to give himself a clear answer to the question of what he wants. If you are 100% ready for this relationship, remember that your partner, in any case, has a different relationship experience, a different idea of what lies ahead for him. Moreover, his experience can be based only on one relationship with a girl who is completely different from you in character and temperament. But, whatever one may say, this experience plays a big role in his readiness for future relationships.
That is, if a man moves away, this does not mean that he has lost interest in you, lost interest, or has found someone else. This may just mean that he took a break in order to sort out his feelings and finally decide for himself what to do next. In a relationship with a girl he is not interested in, he would hardly do this.
What to do?
First of all, don't panic. Don't pester him with calls and messages, don't interrogate him. Keep in touch, but don't be too pushy. Try to maintain some distance and give the man a chance to be the first to resume activity in the relationship.
Mind your own business - immerse yourself in work, hobbies, self-development. This waiting time should not be painful and you should not waste it.
If it is unbearable to endure any longer, you still decide to dot all the i’s, initiate a conversation, but carefully prepare for it.
- Don't start with accusations and complaints. Still, you are not at that stage yet. And finding out the prospects for the relationship after such an entry on your part will not be easy;
- It's better to start the date as usual. And smoothly lead him to a certain moment of revelation - when you can finally have a heart-to-heart talk;
- Tell him how you feel and how you would like to see your future together. Find out what is going on in a man’s life that is actually hindering the development of your relationship.
You can understand a lot by a man's response. Of course, if he does not ignore you, if he came to the meeting, then all is not lost. But it is important to listen to his words, pay attention to his body language, intonation, and gaze. If a guy avoids the conversation and is in no hurry to shed light on the true reason for the distance, he may not dare to continue it. But if you feel his sympathy for you in words, behavior, gestures, then there is still a chance, you just need to give the person time.
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Let your man know that he is not weak
Many women are concerned about the question: “What to do if a man moves away?” One of the reasons for this situation is... love. When men begin to experience serious emotions towards their chosen one, fear comes over them. After all, it is unusual for them to show tenderness (they are the stronger sex!). Therefore, a man in love begins to think that he is weak.
The main task of a woman during this period is to prove the opposite to her partner. She must explain to him that there is nothing wrong with showing emotions. And solitude and ignoring the problem can only worsen the situation.
Sometimes women ask specialists: “A man has begun to distance himself—how should I behave?” Deep down, representatives of the stronger sex seek support from their beloved, while at the same time being afraid to show themselves weak. It is necessary to prove that the manifestation of feelings is a trait of strong-willed people who are always ready to take responsibility for themselves and those around them. Perhaps this will solve the current situation.
Option 4: He thinks he doesn't deserve you.
While you expect determination and bold actions from a man, he feels a certain coldness on your part and thinks that you are not serious about him. Men are rarely ready to desperately fight for a girl, wait for her favor for years, or make sacrifices. Therefore, perhaps you should reconsider your attitude towards the guy. Let him know that you like everything and he doesn’t need to pull a star out of the sky to win your heart.
In fact, one careless phrase is enough to “scare off” a man. Perhaps he unpleasantly remembered some of your remarks on the topic of making money. Or you were simply talking about the ideal standard of living, and he considered this a subtle hint and instantly compared his own capabilities with your “requests”. Having digested the information after the date, the man decided to find a companion with more modest appetites.
What to do?
If you are really looking for a partner with a certain level of income and tried to test the waters on the first date, which turned him off, it may be worth looking for someone more confident in himself and his abilities.
If you suspect that the man you like might have formed the wrong image after the first date, try correcting it (your image) with careful hints. For example, in correspondence. Make it clear that you are a simple person with no fancy requests and get the next date. But don't be too persistent.
Make the relationship comfortable
Some women put an unbearable burden on their partner, and then ask: “How to behave if a man moves away?” After all, this is quite logical. Every month a woman demands expensive gifts from a man or strives to set her own wedding day.
In such a situation, the partner begins to feel extreme pressure on himself. Even if he tolerates such a relationship for a long time, sooner or later his patience will come to an end and he will begin to move away.
To prevent this from happening, women need to do everything possible to make the relationship as comfortable as possible. Girls need to get rid of the habit of putting an unbearable burden on a man. After all, they already have a lot of responsibility. If the girls take on some of the responsibilities, the partner will be able to focus on performing the main tasks. It is also necessary to give the man emotional relief, listen to him and support him in every possible way.
How women behave when a man moves away
When a man moves away, the first question that confronts a woman is “What did I do wrong?”, and the second is “How can I help him?”
In most cases, when a man moves away, we begin to become hysterical, sort things out, deal with his problems, come up with our questions and advice, receive a rude rebuff and get even more excited. Further on increasing.
What's the end result? A serious quarrel, a wall of misunderstanding and resentment (the woman is offended by inattention and callousness, and the man is offended by the fact that they got into his “cave”), and maybe even the end of the relationship, separation, mutual pain, and so on.
No need to manipulate your partner
Girls often get upset and ask psychologists how to behave if a man moves away and ignores them. Experts recommend that they remember if they have manipulated their chosen one at least once in their life. Most women do this completely unconsciously. At the same time, men recognize any attempts by their partner to take control of them. Sometimes they may even give in to this so as not to quarrel with their beloved.
But this cannot go on forever. One day, constant manipulation will lead to distance, so women should not flirt too much.
One of the favorite techniques of the weak half of humanity, with the help of which they can achieve what they want, is tears. Initially they work well. Over time, a man begins to get annoyed by the situation when a woman, instead of solving the problem that has arisen, begins to cry.
If a man begins to move away, refrain from any means of manipulating your partner. And don't use this method in the future. After all, they really don’t like it.
Algorithm
An example situation. The woman reflects: “We have been dating for more than two months, but nothing happens. Apart from sex and restaurants, nothing is offered to me, but I want more”... In this case, the lady, if all the above conditions coincide, can try to use manipulation and “without declaring war” to hide, stop with the man.
The boyfriend calls or writes: “When will I see you?” It is imperative to respond to a man’s questions, otherwise he will decide that he will simply go underground, but the woman’s answers should be very vague: “I don’t know. Let’s call you,” or: “I can’t say specifically,” and so on. Turn on the dynamo, pretend to be mysterious - the more, the better.
“No specifics are needed. Riddle, halftone. “One Thousand and One Nights,” tales of Scheherazade,” emphasizes Kuznetsova.
The psychologist explains that a woman will behave in this way, since representatives of the stronger sex do not like any “misunderstandings.” They need to know for sure “we will make a movie or we won’t.” But instead of specific answers, the young lady starts feeding her breakfast. The gentleman is angry. However, since he, and under the current circumstances, his “want” increases tenfold, the man will be forced to follow the lady’s lead.
On this wave, a woman can begin to carefully voice her conditions. So, if a man asks: “Why don’t I see you, what happened?”, you should answer: “Nothing, business.” If a woman started a game for the sake of a specific gift, she can say: “Business. Working. I’m saving money for a vacation,” or: “No time. I took a quick job and earned money to buy boots.” The meaning of the dialogue should be like this: “I understand that, and I also want to see you, but I need to work, because I need this and that.” Only the entire conversation needs to be conducted subtly, without redneckness. : “Give me money for Spain, then I’ll see you.”
“Under no circumstances should you become impudent. You need to use hints, but you must clearly indicate the purpose of your overtime work,” explains the psychologist.
If the game was started so that the man would offer to live together, the woman should press in the conversation not on the financial component, but on what she cannot see due to the heavy workload of family affairs: “Parents need help,” or: “We need to go to Grandma". The message here is that I really want to, but I can’t come to you because I don’t have time. And you can’t come to me either, because I’m sitting with an old grandmother. The situation must be subtly and carefully brought to the point that a man who is at the peak of feelings and wants to see his woman every day says: “”.
Don't play around. It would be good if we succeed within two weeks. But this is the maximum. “Overexposure” can backfire on relationships.
As Kuznetsova explained, the “disappearance manipulation” has a simple scheme. A man who has realized that he cannot get what he wants will at first certainly behave like a child who was not bought a toy. Then, when they explain to him the reason for the impossibility of dating - this is why a woman should not disappear completely, but should get in touch - the man will begin to think about how to change the situation. As a result of a well-executed game, a representative of the stronger sex should have a desire to do everything for the woman to make her life easier and to bring his beloved as close to himself as possible.
Criticize men correctly
Some women criticize their partners for their affairs. However, male psychology is such that they have a very negative attitude towards this. Especially if it is said by a loved one. In this case, many men begin to think that their life partners are against them. Therefore, when a woman wants to speak negatively about the fact that a man does not know how to do anything, it is best to abstain at this moment.
At the same time, certain situations arise in family life that should not be tolerated. If a woman needs to be told that a man is bad at something, then this must be done with the help of flattery. The strong half of humanity is very susceptible to it. You can simply praise a man and immediately say that he could improve this or that skill.
When the criticism is direct, constant and unconstructive, the partner will gradually begin to move away from the woman. Thus, he will want to protect himself from negative situations or moments.
Men need rest
The strong half of humanity is structured in such a way that they strive to preserve personal freedom. And in this case we are not talking about betrayal, but about the possibility of maintaining personal space. For example, this consists of communicating with friends, fishing trips, and the opportunity to spend free time in the garage. Sometimes a man just needs to lock himself in his room and immerse himself in his thoughts. And this will not necessarily mean that he has another woman. The point is completely different. It is important that the man also feels comfortable in a joint relationship.
Women often communicate with their friends. They go shopping together, sit in cafes and just chat. But a man also needs this. He wants to chat with his friends or spend time watching a football match.
Sometimes a woman thinks too late about how to behave if a man moves away. Previously, she could not even think that perhaps he was tired and needed rest. Instead, she nagged him and criticized him for laziness. According to psychologists, it is important for a man to be given free time. This is especially true for those who sometimes work 10 hours a day. A woman must understand that he will not listen to her whims if he does not have enough regular working hours to provide for his family.
Therefore, psychologists recommend giving the stronger half of humanity time for emotional relief. Even if a man begins to move away, this is not a reason to panic. When a woman understands that her loved one needs support and understanding, then the relationship in the couple will be able to normalize. Therefore, you should not be afraid to let your man go fishing or give him the opportunity to watch his favorite movie in peace. As a result, he will rest and regain balance in his emotional state. After some time, the relationship will improve and the man will again become the same as before.
Give confidence in the future
A woman cannot calm down and understand why a man is moving away. But correcting such a situation is quite easy. A woman can simply let her lover know that she will not change her mind about a long-term relationship and family in the future. To do this, she just needs to stop accepting attentions and compliments from other men. A woman can tell her chosen one more often how she dreams of a long life together, children, and travel. At the same time, she doesn’t insist on anything at all.
If this is not enough, a woman can make certain sacrifices for her beloved (if she is ready to do so). She may give up doing something she loves because it takes up too much time. And dedicate it to your partner - go fishing together, watch a movie or football. True, this can make the woman herself unhappy. Therefore, it is important not to overdo it; we are not talking about complete dissolution in the beloved.
A woman can also agree to move in with her lover if he also dreams about it. A man, seeing such sacrifice on the part of his chosen one, will begin to treat her completely differently. This can manifest in greater love and understanding.
It is important to find common ground here. And all decisions should be made jointly, with mutual consent.
Help your partner with his problems
The man begins to move away because he has many problems that he cannot solve. If a woman does not want to be left alone, then she needs to help her loved one. Sometimes certain issues are within the competence of women, and men often show their pride. However, the stronger sex especially needs moral support.
A woman must ensure that her chosen one speaks out completely. If during a conversation a man begins to blame his partner for certain things, she should not incite conflict. In this situation, a woman needs to save the relationship, and not provoke a scandal. Next, she silently listens to her man.
After this, the partners will try together to draw up a detailed action plan that will help quickly deal with this or that problem. A woman should make her participation as much as possible so that her partner feels her support and understanding. Sometimes even these steps allow a man to quickly find a solution and cope with the problem. After all, moral support is necessary even for representatives of the stronger half of humanity.
The man feels his own changes, and he doesn’t like them
Previously, a man was young, attractive, without obligations and a burden of problems. In family life, all this is left behind, and the guy no longer feels as irresistible as before. His self-esteem drops, and he blames his wife for all his troubles. It seems to him that it was the woman who caused him to age, give up his favorite activities, change his lifestyle, etc. This can be compared to the disappointment that many guys experience some time after marriage (as well as girls).
Change your life values
In psychologists’ offices you can often hear the question: “How to behave: a man moves away at the beginning of a relationship?” In most cases, the specialist asks the woman to tell her about her life values and guidelines. As a result, it turns out that she expects too much from her chosen one. Sometimes they have completely different views on their future family life. It is important for a man to build a strong family, and for a woman to save up for a large apartment in the city center.
Some partners find it quite difficult to change their life priorities. And they begin to feel that they are not acting in accordance with their aspirations and their own plan, but are guided by the values imposed by someone. Men often expect a certain amount of support and understanding from a woman. The future of a couple depends 70% on the behavior of the weaker half of humanity. There is a certain category of beauties that a man will never refuse. They are usually endowed with the following: wisdom, passion, self-confidence, devotion, sexuality and self-sufficiency. Of course, not all women naturally have such character traits. However, no one canceled working on themselves. At the same time, a man will certainly appreciate everything that a woman does for him.
To create a strong relationship, a couple needs to initially discuss their values and guidelines in life. If they do not match at all, then it will not be possible to build a long-term relationship.
But if there are serious feelings between a man and a woman, they will be able to come to a common opinion and achieve understanding.
Option 3: he didn't initially plan a sequel
Remember well all the serious conversations about the future that you had between you. How did he behave in them? Did you answer directly or avoid answering? If he never offered a concrete vision of the future, he probably didn’t count on it.
Many people tend to live here and now, without thinking ahead. Perhaps your man was simply enjoying the moment, but never planned or promised you a wedding. Even if you have lived under the same roof for some time.
A change in a woman’s behavior and her increasing pressure about plans for the future can serve as a kind of signal for a man. Remember, maybe you brought up these topics too often lately and it made him move away?
What to do?
The main thing is to understand the true reason for this behavior on the part of the guy. His distancing from you after a year of relationship, of course, causes more anxiety and worry than cooling the relationship at a very early stage.
If a man asks you not to touch him for now, not to distract him from your business, don’t throw a tantrum, don’t call him or irritate him. He's really busy, or he just needs to be alone. This does not mean at all that he stopped loving you. If you were and remain valuable to a man, he will return to you within the next few weeks - in a good mood, bored and grateful for your understanding.
But if 2-3 weeks have already passed and he still hasn’t shown up, you should try to find out for yourself what’s the matter. Remember: no complaints, reproaches or screams. Prepare for the conversation in advance and have a constructive dialogue, trying to figure out what's going on. However, such a long period without interest from a man in you is often a very unpleasant call.
If a man asks you not to touch him for now, not to distract him from your business, don’t throw a tantrum, don’t call him or irritate him
The fire of passion needs to be renewed
A man has become distant in a relationship - what to do? This happens if the former passion between partners has faded away. He will definitely feel that his woman does not feel sexual attraction. At best, a man will begin to distance himself from his partner, and at worst, he will begin to suspect her of cheating. Therefore, it is important to renew the passion in the relationship.
A woman can hint to a man that she is absolutely not against making some changes in their sex life. The stronger sex should know that they are always desired. A man should be the best for his partner.
Time to end the relationship
What should a woman do if a man distances himself over a long period of time and refuses to do anything to change the current situation?
In such cases, psychologists sometimes advise breaking off relations with such a partner. Life with such a guy does not have bright prospects. Women should not waste time on a man who does not notice her efforts.
Girls ask: “What to do if a man begins to move away?” Coldness in relationships does not arise out of nowhere and instantly; it all starts with little things. Partners begin to rarely talk about their feelings, kissing becomes commonplace. At the same time, passion and feelings disappeared into oblivion. Over time, the distance will only increase. In this situation, it is necessary to solve problems guided not by the mind, but by the heart. At the same time, the man prefers to move away rather than change the situation. A woman should not waste her time, feelings and energy on him.
We hope that now girls will not ask: “What to do if a man moves away?” Initially, they need to find out the reason. Next, the woman will be able to develop a competent plan to get out of the current situation. If she wants to maintain a relationship with this man, then she will have to sacrifice something or even change some traits of her character. However, for a person in love, this may seem like just a trifle. Sometimes women confuse love with affection, which should never be done.
If a man ignores a woman for several months, and she tries to solve the current problem alone, for fear of being left alone, then perhaps their relationship has come to an end. It is better to part ways politely than to endure such a relationship.
The husband does not associate his wife with his ideal
Previously, you were unusual, mysterious and mysterious to your husband. After many years of living together, all this has passed, he no longer experiences delight and joy, so he becomes further and further away.
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