Unfortunately, many people in relationships or marriages have experienced infidelity more than once. And if in a free, polygamous relationship, which is agreed upon “on the shore,” “going to the left” is not considered infidelity, then in traditional relationships everything is exactly the opposite.
There are many reasons for infidelity - bored with the old life, quarrels with a partner, new love. It is the latter that the main character of the series “Windy Woman” faces. Young entrepreneur Nikita Gorelov lives an ordinary life - he has a job, his own apartment, a car and his beloved fiancee. However, all this seems ephemeral when he meets Leah on his way.
How to find out if you are being cheated on? Should adultery be forgiven? How to psychologically cope with betrayal? Psychologists gave answers to these questions.
Martyrdom
Sometimes a woman takes on a kind of martyrdom. What do I mean by this: that is, she knows about the betrayal, practically has complete information (who this woman is, where and when her husband meets his mistress), but at the same time she is silent. She doesn’t say anything, thereby humiliating herself both in her eyes and in his. Even if the marriage is ultimately saved, it comes with a huge moral loss on the part of the woman, and there can be no talk of any family happiness. You can't remain silent. Often a woman is afraid that if she starts to sort things out, especially if she gives an ultimatum, her loved one will leave. But according to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start of a sexual relationship with another woman, then out of 100 cheaters only eight leave the family! Men really don’t like drastic changes; they are afraid of them. Moreover, out of the eight who left, four come back. Therefore, there is no need to feel wild fear that he will leave and never return.
Of course, if a woman begins to suspect infidelity and puts a lot of pressure on her lover, throws hysterics and scandals, the man will want to leave not even her, but from these scandals. Most of all, men value comfort and tranquility in the family. Don’t want this, do you want to build a relationship further, do you have the strength to overcome a difficult stage in your life together? Then you need to behave calmly, kindly and confidently.
According to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start of a sexual relationship with another woman, then out of 100 cheaters only eight leave the family! Men really don’t like drastic changes; they are afraid of them.
Restoring relationships
Some women are on the verge of despair because they do not know how to improve their relationship with their husband after cheating. Don't panic and think that from now on everything will be bad. Of course, you can’t return your old life, because the fact of betrayal will not go away.
However, it is possible to return to normal relationships when people begin to value each other even more. You must understand for yourself that you need to sincerely forgive your husband. If you constantly remind him of his misconduct, at every opportunity try to humiliate him or his former passion, your relationship will reach a dead end. The man will understand that he made the wrong choice. Most likely, he will want to break off relations with you. And it will be difficult for you to constantly be in such nervous tension.
Therefore, try to keep the situation under control so as not to return to the unpleasant past. Change your environment, go on vacation, come up with new hobbies. Don't be too strict. Excessive kindness will also interfere. Let everything be organic. Soon you will see that your relationship with your husband will reach a new level.
"Good people"
Article on the topic
“You don’t love me” and 10 more phrases that are better not to say to men Women often learn about the betrayal of a loved one from “well-wishers.” In order to understand how to act in such a situation, you need to decide what you will do if this is indeed true. Play out the situation in your head, discarding the emotions of resentment as much as possible. Are you ready to understand and forgive betrayal? If you are ready, then all gossip and denunciations must be treated accordingly. Who knows what? In such a situation, a woman should never express her concerns to a man because she has made the decision that she is staying. And if you stay, what difference does it make whether he had something with the secretary or not? It is much easier to live with the idea that nothing really happened, and over time you will simply forget about this situation.
If you are not ready to forgive and remain in the family, then before blaming your loved one, be sure to clarify some points, that is, you do not need to take the word of the people who informed you about the betrayal, you only need reliable facts. The fact that, for example, someone mistook your husband’s colleague for his mistress does not mean that he is sleeping with her; perhaps it is just flirting. Let's not forget that many women also like to flirt, but it doesn't lead to anything. So don't beat yourself up.
Reaction of the injured partner
Cheating destroys our fundamental sense of order and justice in this world. Along with this, a sense of control, self-respect and understanding of who you are disappears. But your feelings are a natural reaction to an extremely traumatic situation that has destroyed the integrity of the relationship and your confidence that your connection with your partner is forever. And it would be strange not to feel lost after receiving such news.
To make it easier for you to cope with your feelings, you need to learn to understand them and predict your reactions. The healing process begins when you can put your emotions in perspective and understand what is causing you pain. The main thing in all this is not to lose hope and not to think that everything is lost forever.
Meeting with a homewrecker
Such meetings make absolutely no sense, especially if you want to rip out a clump of hair from your mistress and show who’s boss. Men are designed in such a way that they inevitably feel guilty. Oddly enough, it invigorates them. If there is a wife and a mistress, he will be especially guilty of one of them.
Feeling guilty before your mistress is the collapse of a marriage.
When his wife accompanies him to work, kisses him on the nose, gives him lunch, and his little son, who looks like him, immediately runs out, blinks his eyes and says: “Daddy, I’ll be waiting for you,” he feels guilty before his wife and family. When, after all this, he comes to his mistress, he will even have sex with her with a feeling of guilt in front of his wife, and, in the end, such meetings will come to naught. But if a woman says: “Hey, where are you going? To be home at 8,” she gives him a negative charge. This is what the mistress needs, who, after such “gentle” instructions, will tell him affectionately: “Don’t worry, it’s okay, she just doesn’t understand you.” And if his wife also calls him to check on him, and his “caring and sensitive” mistress, without showing dissatisfaction, quietly helps him open the window, as if he were driving in a traffic jam, at that moment he will begin to feel guilty in front of her. It is this woman who helps him in everything, accepts him for who he is, and therefore loves him. Feeling guilty before your mistress is the collapse of a marriage.
So, if the wife nevertheless comes and starts tearing out the hair of the homewrecker, then at the moment when the husband comes once again to his passion, she with torn hair and sad eyes will tell him: “Nothing, nothing, Kolenka, I understand everything, I same woman." That’s it, his mistress is a hero, she’s great. And you can completely forget about the hysterical wife.
Don't tell everything down to the smallest detail.
Why:
The information you are being asked for now is not just information. Your partner is going through an attempt to connect two worlds: the former and the one that has opened to him. And it seems to him that you, knowing both sides, have the answers to all his questions.
But that's not true. You are now also not in the most stable emotional state, moreover (looking ahead), shame, guilt and anger are bad advisers. With each question, think through the consequences of the answer for all parties!
What to do:
To the question “Where does he/she live?” It is unlikely that you need to give the exact address; this information does not belong to your couple, but also to a third person - a lover or mistress. But the question: “How long did this last” or “How long ago did it end” - is just about the two of you. It can and should be answered.
Treason for treason
Question answer
Why don’t women take care of their appearance at home? This reaction reminds me of the expression: I’ll buy a ticket to spite the conductor and not go. In pursuit of revenge, in most cases you will only punish yourself. Cheating on a husband or loved one is always a very big tragedy, because it is a betrayal. But you need to understand that when a woman leaves, for example, for a resort, to forget herself and go to all kinds of troubles, as they say, in fact, at that moment she does not need sex, but to feel that someone needs her, that she another woman, that she is sexy, that she can be loved and wanted. As you understand, a short affair will give you all this for a very short period of time. When a woman comes home after experiencing a holiday romance or just some dubious relationship, apathy will set in, because she will understand that her husband has left and her lover was simply using her. After short affairs, a woman rarely has the feeling that she used a man for her own purposes; usually she comes to the realization that he used her like a toy. Therefore, there is no need to undertake such an experiment; it will not help solve the problem, and perhaps will only make it worse.
Don't praise your relationship
Does this recommendation seem absurd to you? But many people do this, thinking to explain to their angry or upset half why this happened. “He was a great kisser,” “she took such touching care of me,” “you’ve gained weight, but she’s slim,” “you’re always at work, and he’s nearby...”
The meaning boils down to one thing: “In our relationship, I was missing something, and I borrowed the lack from the side.”
Refrain from making such excuses. No person can be reduced to any single characteristic: weight, age, character type. And not a single sign or lack thereof is an excuse for your choice. But such remarks can hurt easily and for a long time.
Forgiveness must be earned
When you immediately forgive a man for cheating, he understands that he is the main value of your life, which means he can go to the left again, and you will forgive him again. Therefore, you need to stage a grandiose theatrical performance to pin the guilt on the cheater, and he really deserves it. As I already said, the main thing is to do this without scandals, quietly and calmly. You can cry and talk it out with your mother or friends, but then come and calmly say: “You know, dear, think about it and do something for our relationship.” You need to bring your loved one to the point where he starts pursuing you again.
Men love to say the phrase: “Let's start all over again.” So tell him: “Come on, you’ve had enough of courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, and I still may not come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go.”
Men love to say the phrase: “Let's start all over again.” So tell him: “Come on, you’ve had enough of courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I still may not come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go,” and so on. If you decide to start all over again, then you should have a bouquet-candy period again. Let the guilty spouse give gifts, win attention, and kneel. But after you have forgiven him, never bring up this cheating incident again. Even in a joking form: “Hee-hee-hee, where did you go, to Zina?” - Forget about it. You have to make a decision once. Forgiving means everything is a clean slate, without reminders of past mistakes. If you don’t forgive, break up and file for divorce.
How to behave with your husband after his betrayal - advice from a psychologist
All women who have experienced betrayal by their spouse wonder: what to do if your husband cheated?
Advice from a psychologist: you need to subject yourself to a detailed analysis of the reasons and motives that pushed your spouse to the left. According to statistics, a huge proportion of divorce cases occur due to misunderstanding and lack of respect on the part of both partners. Women who have authoritarian character traits and are accustomed to control need to “loose their grip” and pay attention to the needs of their spouse.
Instead of lamentations, close attention should be paid to external and internal transformation. To begin with, you can organize shopping accompanied by friends. The process of buying new things will allow you to temporarily distract yourself from negative thoughts, improve your mood and choose clothes that will not go unnoticed by people of the opposite sex. Those who have long wanted to purchase a gym membership should immediately put their plans into action. Ladies who are close friends with sports can be recommended to take up one of its extreme varieties. A surge of adrenaline helps relieve stress at the hormonal level.
It is advisable to pay due attention to cultural development. A visit to the theater, the premiere of an expected film or a new museum exhibition will not only broaden your horizons, but also take your mind off the worries associated with your husband’s betrayal. It would be a good idea to pick up an exciting hobby, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s culinary courses or personal growth training. At first, it is preferable to surround yourself with the company of friends and acquaintances, since for most people during such a period loneliness is unbearable.
What to do if your husband cheats, how to behave? Advice from a psychologist: it is very important for a woman who has experienced betrayal by her husband to love herself and accept her own originality and uniqueness as an indisputable fact. Self-love does not imply a selfish and exalted attitude towards other people, but an objective assessment of shortcomings and advantages in order to improve appearance, physical fitness, and also learn to enjoy life. Most often, husbands disdain those wives who give reason for this and allow themselves to be treated in this way.
Hidden grievances are considered the lot of weak people who are accustomed to shifting all responsibility for any events to others. In addition, hidden anger is considered the cause of various chronic diseases. Husband won't admit to cheating? Advice from a psychologist: if the evidence of adultery is obvious, and the spouse convicted of treason continues to put on a good face while playing poorly, there is no point in maintaining a relationship with him.
