The girl left. Maxim Verdict.

The life of young people is filled with an incredible amount of colors, emotions, opportunities, and problems. At an early stage of personality development, every person encounters typical troubles, most of which are described in detail in the works of psychological practice by famous scientists, writers and simply talented psychologists specializing in this topic.

It would seem, what problems can affect a young seeker of himself in this complex and confusing world? Adults sometimes think that the younger generation does not and cannot have any problems at all, but this is a mistaken opinion. The most common category of problems for people aged 15 to 25 relates to relationships. Friendship between a guy and a girl is the most serious stage in the life of each participant in a complex social phenomenon. Which in turn has several important stages of personal growth within the framework of the social unit they created. One of the important stages, oddly enough, is separation, when guys often have the dilemma of how to understand whether their ex-girlfriend still has feelings.

This is difficult to accept, but parting with a loved one can actually be a kind of multifunctional tool that, if desired, you can learn to use so skillfully that creating a happy future for yourself and your environment will only be a matter of time. Naturally, this process is far from painless, so many guys seriously wonder how to understand that an ex-girlfriend misses you after a breakup. Most often, such thoughts come to mind when you want to return a broken relationship. Everything here is individual, and depends on how exactly they were destroyed, who was the initiator, and how correctly the separation process itself went.

Well, let's try to look into a girl's head on the blog and understand exactly how a woman's longing for a man's shoulder can be expressed, and what can come of it, let's go!

Mechanics of separation

“When will your ex-girlfriend write?” - the answer depends on the balance of significance during separation. In the relationship between a man and a woman, there is an invisible battle for significance for each other. After every conflict, one partner wins and the other loses. The loser is the one who needs more and is the first to make peace. The needy one gives in and takes the blame. The guilty man becomes submissive to the girl's will. The shortest way to get into the position of a needy person is to try to make peace yourself after quarrels. A man who goes to reconciliation loses weight in the relationship and ceases to manage it.

When the balance of importance is lost, the girl loses interest and leaves. Perhaps to someone else. Repeated losses in conflicts lead the girl to lose interest and she breaks off the relationship. In the worst case, she will explain her departure by your shortcomings: you didn’t pay attention, you forbade, you didn’t buy, you wear socks of the wrong color, snot sticks out of your nose, and the like. In the best case, the “guilty” man finally receives the catchphrase “it’s not about you, it’s about me.”

Relationships are a game of needing each other. Knowing how to competently manage your interest in your girlfriend/wife, you can manage the politics in your relationship. Some more inaccessibility increases a woman’s attraction to you. You will have to learn this in practice, competently getting out of conflict situations. It is necessary to create a deficit of attention and play on emotional contrast. It is necessary to act without mistakes! Maxim Verdict and his team will help you establish the right strategy of behavior.

Reasons for separation - let's look within ourselves

Before you commit rash acts, watch your ex-lover at the entrance day and night, or try to escape from your problems with the help of alcohol, you should first understand the situation, and preferably with a sober and calm head.

The situation, of course, is extremely unpleasant, but often absolutely natural. First of all, you need to calm down and think carefully about whether there were any prerequisites for such a breakup on the part of the girl? Now is the time to remember everything that your girlfriend once mentioned in relation to you.

First of all, remember, did she say directly that you were not courageous or collected enough, perhaps she said phrases like “you can’t be relied on” or “I’m ashamed of you”? Remember everything that is in any way connected with her negative attitude towards you.

The most common relationship problems that lead to breakups are:

Problems in sex. Yes, it’s not customary to talk about this, but the main percentage of divorces in Russia occur precisely on sexual grounds. What can we say about illegal relationships? Think: did you give the girl what she wanted, or did you think only about yourself? Was she comfortable in bed? How pleasant was sexual intercourse specifically for her?
Lack of determination. Yes, girls love successful men. Therefore, they often find a more promising male. However, you should not think about a huge financial condition; for many girls, what is important is not so much the money and benefits they have already earned, but the prospect of building a successful future together with their man. Lack of motivation and determination in a career, reluctance to start your own business and otherwise develop often becomes the reason for the breakdown of relationships, especially if the man is already over 25, or even over 30 years old.
Reluctance to take further action. Yes, this is another popular reason for separation. When you have been together for many years, but you have no plans to have children or get married personally, then do not be surprised that the girl left. All women want that notorious certainty in life, the realization of their maternal instinct.
Selfishness of a young man. If you are used to always thinking about yourself first, more often taking actions for your own convenience and comfort, not even listening to your girlfriend’s opinion, ignoring all her requests and hints, then this may be one of the reasons why her patience is over.
Greed and commercialism. If you are used to counting every penny, are sincerely convinced that you have to pay for everything, and any purchase for a girl is accompanied by a receipt and an expectation of a refund (even gifts) - you may not be surprised why the girl decided to voluntarily become an ex. The point is not that she only needs money, the point is that by demonstrating such pettiness and, in fact, putting money above her, you simply demonstrate your disdain for her over and over again.
Alcohol abuse. Often a girl is not ready to put up with the constant scent from her loved one, and if thanks to a stable “rest” you also find yourself in various not always pleasant stories, then her choice to leave was obvious.
Optional. Often, it is for this reason that many girls disappear without warning, although they try to put up with or fight this problem for quite a long time. But, if she asks for something over and over again, and you forget about it over and over again, even though you make promises, there is a limit to everything.
Jealousy. It is only in TV series or films that excessive vigilance and jealousy looks like a cute manifestation of sincere feelings. In fact, this becomes a problem, and even a real tragedy with the deprivation of any life.
Tyranny. If you are used to living by the principle “as I said, so it will be,” while not taking into account the opinion of your passion, then, most likely, one day she will become an ex. Few people can live feeling constantly suppressed.
Suggestibility and lack of independence. Let's be honest: if you believe everything your parents, friends, colleagues, or someone on your favorite show tells you, then it is very doubtful that you can make independent decisions in your relationship, and even more so you will not be able to do this if you become head of the family. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it is very important for women to feel protected by a strong and confident man.

If anything from this list applies to you, you discussed these problems with your girlfriend, but could not solve them - then at least you already know what to do to try to fix everything.

Remember what the girl told about her dreams, about what she sees as an ideal family, what a guy should be like in her ideas or her dreams of a happy life. Remember what you talked about together and how you saw your future life. It's time to understand where the mistake was made and the words did not match the deeds.

If your loved one left for someone else

When she left for someone else, thoughts about when the ex-girlfriend will write will visit you regularly.

The time when an ex-girlfriend who has left for a new relationship writes depends on your behavior!

If you write and call your ex after breaking up, then interest in you will drop significantly. This way you demonstrate your neediness even more strongly. In response, the ex will “leave” or hold back to maintain self-esteem. An alternate airfield is not the best role. Waiting for the moment when the ex-girlfriend writes herself is a waste of time. Her new relationship must reach the stage of the first conflicts, when romance ends and ordinary life begins. In new relationships there will also be a struggle for influence. The conflict period begins between 3-9 months. An ex-girlfriend can write after a quarrel with a new man, but only if you yourself have not sought contact with her. How to behave competently if your ex wrote to you can be found here.

What should you tell a girl to get her back?

Starting a relationship again with your ex, but still beloved lady, is not easy. The problem of any relationship, as a rule, is not only in the behavior of each of the couple, but also in a special chemistry called “feelings”. It is difficult to come to terms with the fact that the love that quite recently reigned in your relationship has faded away and can no longer be renewed.

Often the problem is absolute stability, which drives you crazy. You need to live with different emotions, for many girls, oddly enough, it’s very bad when everything is too good.

What can be done in this case if the lady left precisely for this reason?

If you are ready to show your changes, if, first of all, you have already revised your worldview, then it’s time to start taking more active action. You can meet her, but it’s better when the lady makes contact first. What should you do when you meet? Hug her, but don't violate her personal space too much. Remember: this meeting is like a first date for you, don’t push. Find out what she was missing in your relationship. Tell her that you are changing for the sake of your future, but don't focus on that alone. Give compliments, explain the importance of the relationship to you.

You should not cry or threaten suicide, then the lady will not return - this can not only cause rejection, but if the relationship resumes, there will be a possibility that she is only with you out of pity.

Let her know that you can create a good future for you and you are willing to work for it. Win the girl again. Be gallant, polite, confident and in love - this is the best thing you can do.

The girl just left the relationship

This is how they leave as a result of a strong imbalance of importance - the man needed his beloved too much. Neediness could be expressed in obsessive jealousy, surveillance, and a constant desire to spend time with her. And the main sign of neediness is taking the blame for conflicts upon oneself.

The time for your ex-girlfriend to write is reduced if you don’t make common mistakes:

Write to your ex
Follow her on social networks
Attempts at initiatives to restore relations
Discussions about breaking up with mutual friends
Showing your suffering on social networks

How many days after the breakup will the girl call?

It is quite understandable when a woman does not want to communicate after a strong quarrel. In a normal everyday situation, one of the partners cannot stand it and gets in touch within a couple of days. If your beloved constantly avoids making the first call, then this is a serious reason to analyze your relationship. There are many options why your beloved plays silent:

It is quite possible that the girl wants to call, but being shy, she does not want to look indecently intrusive.
Provocation - women are cunning, they often deliberately make their loved one worry and be jealous, using feigned coldness and silence as a weapon.
A quarrel due to misunderstanding is a common case with a woman you don’t know well, when strange rumors or your mistakes caused jealousy or resentment in your partner, which is why she decided to take a break.
The girl simply doesn’t like telephone communication - an extremely rare, but still realistic option that cannot be dismissed.
Crazy workload or problems in the family.
A simple breakdown (loss) of the phone, problems with the SIM card.
The most unpleasant option is the beginning of the drain. By lack of attention, the girl shows her disinterest in subsequent communication.

My ex wrote me, what should I do?

If you don’t make mistakes, the time it takes for your ex-girlfriend to write will be reduced to 1-2 months. This could be a request to pass on the remains of her things or a question “how are you?” At this moment you should behave wisely. The ex wrote it herself - there is a chance to turn the neediness in your direction. At such an important moment, you need to act wisely! You can contact Maxim Verdict and his team for individual recommendations. We will help you turn the tables on this relationship and put your ex in the most needy position possible. Perhaps she will tearfully ask to return.

Why do you want to call

If the breakup was difficult and the breakup was initiated by a partner, it is quite difficult for a girl to resist calling or texting her ex. This happens because memory distorts emotions. After a period of internal insults towards a partner, good memories begin to gradually displace negative ones. This is the positive bias effect.

If a girl is subscribed to all of a man’s social networks, this makes the situation even worse. There is a constant reminder of him before your eyes, obsession with the past prevents you from looking at others and appreciating them.

Is it even worth bringing the girl back?

Romantically minded young men will answer this question: “Of course, because I love her so much.” Grown-up and rationally thinking men will think: “Well, I’m beautiful, there are a lot of women around, I’ll find even better ones.”

Therefore, it is worth returning your ex only in the only case - when you are to blame for the breakup (cheated on, seriously deceived). And if you are sure that this particular woman is exceptional, such people are very rare.

Otherwise, it’s easier not to correct the mistakes of old relationships, but to build new, happy and fulfilling ones.

He got what he wanted

Often young people only need sex and nothing more. Is this news? If he received it, then thank you, nothing else is needed. Of course, it’s strange: there was sex, but maybe more? There is a male truth that is unpleasant for women: “Every girl deserves sex, but not every girl deserves sex twice.”

Perhaps he just needed sex. He got his and left Photo: pixabay.com

And what about love? He said that he liked me, beautiful, sexy. That's right, without words of love and creating romance, the young man would not have reached the goal, sex itself. A girl just needs an increase in her importance, compliments, words of love, flowers, and then, maybe, sex. He needed just the opposite. The man got what he wanted, perhaps he hoped for greater passion, sexual activity and emancipation, but his expectations were not fully met.

So is it worth organizing courtship, romance a second time, listening to a lot of unnecessary information, spending time and money to get the same thing? He went to look elsewhere. What did you want?

Is it worth answering?

First of all, you should think about whether you should answer her. Let's talk about the advisability of communication and further dialogue. First of all, it is worth stating the fact that she left you. Because if you left her yourself, you wouldn't care about her message.

That is, you had an unfinished gestalt, you were worried, now the intensity of passions has already been reduced, you managed to lower the significance and move on with your life. Much depends on the chronology. Why did you leave? Who is this girl?

to abandon this idea .

Often a guy begins to deceive himself. That is, he already seemed to have calmed down, had already moved away, in principle he was not suffering, not worried, and suddenly there was a message, and his heart started beating again. And it seems to him that now he is ready, now the significance is moderate, now he can cope with everything.

Or there is another illusion: “I’ll just see each other periodically.” But now you are deceiving yourself.

Because all such stories end with the fact that your level of significance for it begins to rise again. Over time, you again begin to take a weak position, suffer for it, scoff at it, it leaves you again.

Of course, provided that during these six months you have not reached a new level in the context of understanding building relationships. Therefore , if you understand that this is a difficult type for building a relationship, it is better to refuse this and not see each other , overcome this desire in yourself.

How to behave when meeting?

So, the long-awaited meeting at which reconciliation should take place took place. What to talk about, how to behave, what to do, and what not to do?

First of all , don't fawn and be confident. Even if the breakup was your fault, you should not beg for forgiveness. Behave calmly, with dignity and with the attitude: “yes, I am to blame, but I fully admit my mistakes and promise to correct them.”

The decision is hers whether to accept you back or not. Women's nature is such that girls are unconscious manipulators. And they especially love to manipulate your feelings of guilt. Therefore, immediately stop her attempts to constantly recall your offense. If she has forgiven, then agree to leave all the bad things in the past.

Secondly , try not only to speak beautifully, but also to prove your feelings in practice. The most proven way to win back a girl’s love is a bright, extraordinary act. For example, a huge inscription on the asphalt in front of her window, or a large bouquet of flowers. A candlelit dinner on the roof of a high-rise building or a hot air balloon flight will also help you achieve her location.

Lastly, don't start talking about your relationship right away. Start the conversation with questions about her, inquire about her successes or failures, find out what she has been doing all this time. And then smoothly shift the topic to reconciliation.

Do you want to read a real life story of how a guy regained the love of a girl? Then we advise you to read Roman Vinilov’s new free book “How to get your ex-girlfriend back? First important steps." In this book, he talks in detail about his experience of breaking up and rebuilding relationships. In order to download the book, you need to go to this page and leave your e-mail address. An email will be sent to you with a link to the pdf file.

Ex gets in touch and disappears

The ex sends a ping - some insignificant message and watches the reaction. If you fall for it, she understands that you are ready to rush to her at the first call and disappears further.

Another option, when there was a breakup, then the ex pulled the guy once, he immediately flies to her at all pores, then she dumps him again, then he thinks: “Why did I see her? After all, he lived normally. And now go through the breakup again. I’ve already imagined our bright, distant future.” He worries again, moves away again, time passes, then she casts the bait again, he runs to her again. And this sometimes continues for many years.

Moreover, the guy does not let go of this story, so he does not experience any emotions towards other girls. Well, you get hooked on it yourself. There are situations where you need to make a strong-willed decision with your head.

Okay, let's start from a different scenario. Let's assume that she is suitable for a relationship . If you are aware that she had other relationships , you should understand what this means. And the most unpleasant scenario is when the guy decides to make peace.

They make up, a week, two, three pass, the guy begins to understand that he is simply pounding with anger and resentment that there was another next to his woman. And he begins to express this insult to her. What does it all lead to? She can reassure you several times, say: “No, you are the most beloved, but it didn’t work out there,” your resentment will not go away.

And after that, when you remember this again, she will say: “Listen, why did you put up with me in the first place?”, the guy thinks: “Really, why? I probably shouldn’t remember this.” And then he begins to try to somehow please her, sweeten her, adjust to her. And it turns out that the guy begins to fall into a weak position again, and she begins to blame him, leaves him, he again begins to suffer for her. In short, a vicious circle.

How long should I wait?

The more time passes after breaking up, the less chance you have of returning the feelings of your beloved girl. While you are looking for the right moment, some other man may appear.

On the other hand, getting in touch immediately after a breakup is also a bad idea. You need to give yourself and her a little time to cool down your emotions and rethink what is happening a little. This is especially important if you parted with a scandal.

The smartest choice is to wait a week after the breakup and take action.

How to stop calling

If you have a strong emotional desire to call your ex, allow yourself to do so, but only after half an hour! Usually these 30 minutes are enough to come to your senses, calm your emotions and succumb to the arguments of reason. If the desire remains, during this half hour you can at least think through to the letter what exactly to say or write, so as not to “dance” on the remnants of pride.

To refrain from rash actions and save yourself, you need to recognize the problem, raise your self-esteem and keep your distance. Try to delete all contacts of your ex, unfollow all accounts. And most importantly, don’t isolate yourself! Force them to be socially active, communicate with friends, and “go out into the world.”

Some tips to help you cope with a breakup and maintain your identity:

do not talk about your ex with mutual friends (and if possible, it is better to minimize contacts with them);
do not get bogged down in mental dialogues with your partner;
Don't wallow in self-pity;
do not try to switch to hatred (this is also a strong feeling that will completely occupy you, which is why you will not have the necessary freedom);
don’t live in a routine - change your life, your usual routes, do something interesting that you’ve been putting off for so long;
Don’t look for your guilt in what happened.

When there are children, it is even more difficult to restrain yourself from calling and not throwing out anger and resentment in the process. But try, until the intensity of passions subsides, to keep the phone away from you. Or use the half-hour rule - give this time to think about the topic of conversation and phrases.

If, despite all attempts to forget your ex-lover, the condition worsens, if none of the advice helps, you should seek help from a specialist. Sometimes it’s difficult to get out and help yourself.

Drawing conclusions for the future

If you did everything correctly, then most likely you will be able to return your beloved. But, unfortunately, not everything is so simple. Even if the girl agreed to renew your relationship, most likely it will no longer be the same. Be prepared for her to be suspicious of you from now on.

It will take a very long time to regain trust and respect. Perhaps months, perhaps even years.

How to keep a girl after reconciliation? Constantly keep her feelings for you in tension. Try to figure out what emotions she needs: there are girls whose “light side” predominates. Such people need to be “fed” with love, affection and romantic actions, giving negativity a couple of times a year.

And a girl with a predominance of the “dark” side can only be tied to you by periodic outbursts of negativity: provoke her, make her rage, make fun of her shortcomings, hint that half of her female colleagues at work would not mind sleeping with you. Alternate negative emotions with positive ones - and you will be happy.

To improve your relationship, compliment your girlfriend more often. All information on how to do this correctly can be found in this article.

In this article you will find examples of compliments to a girl’s beauty.

Don't forget to send her beautiful SMS sometimes.

An unusual, romantic gift can fundamentally improve a relationship. Here is a great article on how to choose a gift for your girlfriend.

Doesn't want to

Why doesn't a camel eat cotton wool? He doesn't want to. So is the man. This surprises many women, but besides sex, young people have something else to do. They may be passionate, for example, about their business, friends, sports, hobbies, or an interesting new project. If you are not more relevant than all of the above at the moment, then should you be surprised why he doesn’t call, doesn’t write, or has disappeared. The answer is - he’s busy, he can’t, or rather, he just doesn’t want to.

Talented young people are often very enthusiastic people, they simply have no time to call Photo: pixabay.com

Doesn't see the result of his courtship

Guys love beautiful and inaccessible: This is what many girls think and create a mask on their face “don’t interfere, they’ll kill you.” Well, young people don’t “fit in,” but she, in fact, wants attention and communication. How will he understand if she makes it clear with all her appearance and behavior that “closed”?

Of course, young people can remember that “the city takes courage” and bravely rush at the external indifference and coldness of a girl, but why do guys need this, because there are many who are open and friendly. Sometimes a sporting interest kicks in, whether I can do it or not. But you have to pay for communicating with such a young lady, like everything else in this world, for example, time, mental effort, etc. And the result is far from obvious.

The girls are left alone and ask themselves: why? Yes, because no matter how attractive you are, if “unavailable” is written on your face, then for young people this means access has been denied in advance. If the door is closed, don’t break in, persistently look for the open door. So they don’t break. And she was already daydreaming, the guy showed interest, but, faced with apparent inaccessibility, disappeared.

Perhaps you have shown yourself to be too proud and unapproachable Photo: pixabay.com

The winners are girls who may not have the most attractive appearance, but are friendly and sociable. It seems that, at first glance, she is “no good”, but the guys are constantly hanging around her, taking her into their company, courting her. And then the other girls get jealous, but continue to wear a sign on their foreheads that says “don’t interfere, he’ll kill you.” Maybe it's time to change the sign?