Many are sure that provocateurs are super agents, business spies who do everything to create conflict and force others to perform certain actions. Such people are often shown in films, and revealing articles are written about them in the media. But the reality is that you can easily meet them in everyday life, and therefore it would be completely useful to find out who a provocateur is and how to get along with him.
In this article:
A provocateur, who is he? The difference between a manipulator and a provocateur. Can a provocateur be good? How not to fall for the bait of a provocateur and get along with him
The Virtues of Stealth
A secretive person is a person who knows how to keep his face. A storm breaks out in his soul, but he looks absolutely calm. And not a single muscle on your face will twitch.
The main advantages of this character trait:
- You can trust these people with everything. And rest assured, they won’t give up.
- A secretive friend will never complain about how bad his life is.
- In any, even extraordinary situation, a person maintains steely self-control.
- As a rule, secretive people are smart and insightful. They do not waste themselves on the external, they are concentrated on the internal.
How to recognize an introvert?
The introversion of human character gives rise to many myths, For example:
- Introverts are lonely and unsociable people. This is one of the biggest misconceptions. Such people develop quite harmonious relationships with others. They build happy families, they have many friends and acquaintances.
- Introverts are very shy. In fact, shy people can also be found among extroverts, who often mask their shyness with rudeness and cheeky behavior.
- Introverts are unemotional. Even animals are endowed with emotions. Finding a person who doesn’t feel anything and doesn’t worry about anything is almost impossible. Indifference to the world around us sometimes indicates severe mental illness, depression, etc.
- An introvert is a person who is always unfriendly. Some aloofness that you may feel when communicating with an introvert does not mean that your interlocutor is unfriendly. Most likely, you simply did not gain his trust.
- Introverts do not like to attract attention to themselves. Among them are many representatives of public professions: politicians, artists, musicians. Due to the nature of their activities, these people arouse interest in wide circles. However, publicity does not prevent introverts from protecting their personal lives and not allowing strangers into it.
How to recognize an introvert if he is not much different from an extrovert? You can recognize such a person by the limited circle of people with whom he maintains close contact. Introverts will not trust their emotional experiences to the first person they meet, which extroverts are often inclined to do. There can be a lot of acquaintances, but the circle of close friends includes no more than two or three people, who do not necessarily have to be relatives. For an introvert, spiritual, not blood, intimacy is important. But even two or three people who were allowed closer than everyone else will never be able to get into the “holy of holies.” These are those inaccessible corners of the soul and heart that an introvert visits in splendid isolation, and the keys to which are always in the hands of their owner.
Disadvantages of Stealth
On the one hand, this is a very good feature. But on the other hand, its owners have a very hard time:
- Such a person does not know how to drain emotions. He accumulates all the negativity in himself, unable to throw it out.
- Secrecy is often intertwined with shyness. These people are afraid to say something again. They live in their "shell".
- Due to the lack of emotions, others do not understand what a person is experiencing.
- It is difficult to communicate with such a person. It looks like an impenetrable wall, behind which it is unknown what lies.
The difference between modesty and secrecy is huge! You can guess which ones there are more in Kurganinsk. A modest person is a person completely devoid of any boasting or boasting. This is a highly moral person, possessing true good manners and at the same time high demands on himself.
A modest person, clearly aware of his obvious advantages, deliberately avoids loud public recognition, nobly and tactfully helping others to show off their unique merits. Usually modest people express their opinions with pleasure, benevolence and sincerity, you just have to ask them about it. They are firm, active, consistent and thorough in critical situations. Their position is clear and open.
Sometimes modesty is also confused with timidity and shyness. And in vain, because timidity and shyness determine only the degree of a person’s uncertainty in the correctness of his actions. The above cannot in any way be attributed to the concept of a secretive personality, because the secrecy of a personality comes from the ability to hide not one’s talents and virtues, but one’s true beliefs and habits.
A secretive person seems to wear a mask that pleases those around him, skillfully misleading others about his own tastes, preferences and opinions. He is able to imitate noble feelings, but not experience them. And if a true modest person avoids recognizing his merits out of delicacy and respect for others, then the motives of a secretive person, as a rule, are not so noble.
A secretive person hides not at all out of delicacy and respect for others, but out of considerations of deep arrogance, aggression and distrust, and sometimes even contempt for others. Sometimes even the relatives and friends of a secretive person have no idea about who exactly they lived next to and continue to live with for many, many years. He seems to be quiet and modest, like a family member or neighbor, taciturn and easy-going.
It seems to say what everyone is used to saying and hearing. But, if you think about it, it’s almost impossible to get a completely clear, definite explanation for this or that matter from a secretive person, and his actions are sometimes so inexplicable...
If a secretive person is a leader, then the formulation of tasks in his execution is a real torment for his subordinates. Completing the task itself is reminiscent of the game “Battleship”. The handwriting of such a person is too intricate. Subordinates spend too much time and effort solving the “mysteries” of their secretive boss, who is also an inveterate emergency worker.
Often a secretive person, due to the structure of his personality, experiences a piercing antipathy towards truly modest, sociable, hardworking and sincere people. Of course, the secretive manager will express such antipathy implicitly, but in the form of a series of unexpected and much more urgent, important and difficult production needs that have fallen on the modest person’s head. Moreover, lazy and evasive subordinates, with such a distortion of labor relations, will feel quite comfortable.
You can’t count on the sincerity of a radically secretive person in the family. The nature of such a radical is such that he will definitely find something to hide from his other half. For example, the true size of your salary or any suspicious preferences. Life with a werewolf is unpredictable. And sometimes it is dangerous. Therefore, before getting married, young people of both sexes, out of respect for themselves, their parents and their future children, should try with great care to research who is who your future other half is.
Good or bad?
To summarize, let's ask ourselves a question. Is secrecy good or bad? It all depends on the situation. Sometimes the ability to keep a face and remain silent is extremely necessary. And sometimes more vivid emotions are required than cold equanimity.
Each quality has its own advantages and disadvantages. We talked about the advantages and disadvantages of secrecy above.
The difference between a manipulator and a provocateur
The behavior of a provocateur is often similar to the actions of a manipulator. But it is worth understanding that people of these two types have different goals.
The manipulator interacts with you to achieve a specific goal. He knows your weak points and uses them. For example, you and your friend go to a cafe, and every time you look at the menu, she starts complaining about how low her salary is and how stingy her boss is. As a result, you pay for both your lunch and hers.
The goal of the provocateur is to satisfy his vanity by squeezing out of you the reaction he needs. In the situation in the cafe, your friend no longer whines, but openly says that all the people around are greedy, do not understand her, offend her, including you. She alone is the lamb of God, the poor victim.
She says this so that everyone around her can hear. Even if you always help her, most likely in this case you will do everything possible to whitewash yourself, start defending yourself and, of course, pay for lunch out of guilt.
Can a provocateur be good?
Psychologists try never to evaluate people in terms of good or bad. Behavior and individual actions are analyzed. Therefore, any provocateur is initially neutral. The way he treats other people is the result of the influence of life events, troubles, one might say, and a provocateur complex.
But it is worth noting that provocative behavior can have advantages:
- This is a good tool in painful communication with manipulators and provocateurs. Once you hit their sore spot, most often they lose the desire to provoke you in the future.
Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
- Provocative techniques are actively used in psychology and psychotherapy. In very difficult situations, when a person is closed, provocations help him open up, identify those internal problems and complexes that lie behind painful reactions and depression.
How not to fall for the bait of a provocateur and get along with him
The first step on how to avoid becoming a victim of a provocateur is to recognize him. This is not difficult to do if there is an open provocateur in front of you. In adolescence, such people laugh at you, humiliate you, say, for example, that cool girls smoke, try alcohol, and you are a loser, a home girl. At work, they openly mock him, provoke him to quit: “Well, go ahead, prove to the boss that you are brave, quit, move to another job,” or tell him that you despise him.
If there is a hidden provocateur next to you, acting on the sly, listen to your feelings and sensations. Discomfort, emptiness, reactions unusual for you - these are the signs by which you can suspect provocations.
Once you are sure that there is a provocateur next to you, try to put him in his place:
Photo by Alex Green: Pexels
- Use provocative techniques. Make sure he understands how you feel at least once. However, do not leave your behavior unexplained. Talk to him, tell him why you did this, show him how unpleasant and difficult it is for you. However, it is better not to abuse this method.
- Try to understand the reasons that motivate this person. In some situations, you can discuss them, rebuild the usual algorithm of his actions. For example, your colleague was laughed at as a child because he studied a lot. He was an excellent student at school, university and now copes well with his responsibilities at work. Show him respect for his achievements, demonstrate that you understand how much effort it took him to become what he is now.
- Try not to react to provocations. Perceive yourself as an integral person, the boundaries of which are clearly established, and no one, especially people prone to provocations, are allowed to cross them. Keep your emotional distance.
- Understand your weaknesses, what makes you susceptible to provocations. If it's fear of getting fired, determine if the job is right for you. If the underlying fear is loneliness, you need to work with yourself, prove to yourself that you are a strong person, and the fact that you can be left alone is not a reason to be with someone who is not right for you.
Photo by Liza Summer: Pexels
If none of these methods help, avoid communicating with the provocateur. Your emotional well-being is much more important.
Provocateurs can cause a lot of trouble. They enjoy the discomfort, fears, and inappropriate behavior they cause in you. But they can be dealt with. It is enough to learn to recognize a provocateur, understand how to correctly set internal boundaries and choose the right strategy of behavior.
