The first and all the rest: how a session with a psychologist goes

The peculiarity of the treatment of mental disorders is that it is not always possible to get rid of them exclusively through medication. They often require careful work on oneself, awareness of their causes, and deep analytical activity. In this case, a psychotherapist comes to the rescue - a specialist who helps to get to the bottom of the true causes of this condition and successfully cope with it.

Why you shouldn't be afraid

It's normal to be afraid. Fear is an important psychological mechanism that protects us from danger. He mobilizes resources in a threat situation - “fight or flight”. It’s not for nothing that they say that you can live without fear, but not for long. Evolutionarily, it was given to humans for survival.

Another thing is when fear causes restrictive behavior. For example, a person is afraid to fly and refuses travel, work and relationships that involve flying. Or he puts off going to a psychologist because “only crazy people come to him,” “everyone will know about my problems,” or “this is just a simple money grab.”

Such fears, as a rule, disappear when the client learns that the psychologist complies with three important conditions - safety, confidentiality, and scientificity. This means that the consultant will not tell anyone anything, even if he is “tortured” by your close relatives. Confidentiality is a law enshrined in the international standard of psychological care.

As for the scientific or evidence-based approach, you need to know that a psychologist’s session excludes occult practices. A psychologist relies on science, that is, knowledge, and works within the framework of professional ethics, while psychics, fortune tellers and astrologers use the client’s faith and the effect of the “impression of a miracle” as a fulcrum.

How to get an appointment with a psychotherapist

In OS

Newly, psychotherapeutic assistance is paid. If you decide to seek such a service at a clinic, you will most likely be referred to a psychiatrist.

Free psychotherapist services are indicated for patients in psychiatric hospitals. In this case, their attending physician, if necessary, prescribes a course of psychotherapy, in which case the patient undergoes it at the hospital.

Another option to get help from a psychotherapist for free is to contact the appropriate institute. Institutions that teach psychotherapy are assigned free programs to provide such assistance. But your meeting with a specialist will not take place in private: students will observe his work, but the confidentiality policy will remain the same.

The state also organizes free psychological support centers for children, adolescents, women and families.

In most cases, if you want to see a psychotherapist on your own, you can get such support from a private specialist. To do this, you should call a psychotherapy clinic and make an appointment.

Highly qualified specialists of this profile are accepted, for example, at the Moscow City Psychoendocrinological Center.

A sufficient number of people postpone their visit to a specialist, even if they need it, because of the cost of the issue. On average, the cost of 1 psychotherapy session is 2,000 rubles, in some cases it reaches 6,000 rubles. Thus, getting rid of various phobias, which lasts about 10 sessions, will cost the client from 20 to 60,000 rubles.

This price is due to several factors. A psychotherapist is a specialist who has undergone lengthy and expensive training. He shares his professionalism, experience and knowledge with clients. In addition, in order to maintain the level of his qualifications, a specialist must systematically attend paid courses, seminars, and conferences. Therefore, the payment for his work is appropriate. She takes the relationship between the client and the therapist to another level, insisting on the determination and seriousness of the intentions of both individuals.

What does a psychologist do?

The question may arise: “So there won’t be a miracle?” The answer to this depends on what exactly the client understands by a miracle. If you expect to change your life after the initial consultation - get rich, get married, conquer Everest - this will not happen. If he hopes to get advice on how to live, he learns that psychologists do not write “prescriptions.”

So what does a psychologist do? He is a guide to your own inner world. The unpleasant news is that you both go there, that is, not only the psychologist works. You explore your psyche together. You can do this yourself, but you will have to spend years to get results. Or not get it.

A psychologist knows the shortest path from awareness of a problem to a solution. His task is to guide you along this path, but not to walk it for you. When visiting a psychologist, you will have to invest money, time and, most importantly, your own efforts. And the psychologist will give you direction, provide support, provide support and set the right pace.

What can you say during sessions and what can’t you say?

You can say whatever worries you, whatever you want to say.

The only important limitation is that during individual sessions (if there are any), you should not say anything that you cannot say in front of your partner. A psychologist is not a priest; he will not keep your secrets from your partner. The classic story: in the first two sessions, she cries bitterly and complains, and he is closed and distant. Then, in an individual session, he admits that he has been having relationships on the side for a long time. Thus, the husband seemed to make the psychologist an accomplice in his crime. And what should a psychologist do in such a situation?

A psychologist is not a priest; he will not keep your secrets from your partner.

How to prepare for a meeting with a psychologist

There is a joke in the psychological community: “It doesn’t matter who your therapist is, it’s how you treat him that matters.” You need to understand it in the following way: a psychologist exists so that you can “be treated for him,” that is, use the consultant for your own, so to speak, selfish purposes. The psychologist in this story is a tool for achieving goals. And this means that you need to tune in to receive, and not wait for them to give.

In this regard, you need to prepare for a meeting with a psychologist - both for the first session and for subsequent ones. Let's say right away that nothing supernatural is required for this. Preparation is aimed at simple setup:

• think about what doesn’t suit you;
• realize what you want to get.

To avoid worrying about what to say when you see a therapist, think about it in advance. Write down in a notebook why you decided to see a psychologist or, in professional terms, formulate a request. We are, of course, talking about the primary request. During the course of therapy, it may change, and the focus of attention may shift to what is really important.

That is why there is no need to worry or try to formulate what “hurts” with academic precision. The therapist will “guess” about the problem during the initial consultation. It’s good if you can say right from the start, “I have a problem, I want to solve it.” But you have every right to say: “I don’t know what the problem is, but I want to talk.” And some clients come with the request: “I don’t want to undergo therapy, but I want to work on it.”

Don't be surprised if therapy turns your ideas about yourself and the world around you upside down - it brings to light something you didn't even suspect. This kind of insight is usually accompanied by a flurry of emotions. This means, in addition to a notepad and pen, prepare a glass of water and handkerchiefs.

Authority

A specialist in this profile helps in the rehabilitation of patients with severe mental disorders. Of course, the acute period of the disease is controlled by a psychiatrist with the help of medications, but in the future, consultations with a psychotherapist help such people:

• reduce the manifestation of negative and positive symptoms of psychosis;
• increase self-esteem;
• organize the correct attitude towards treatment, convince the patient to take psychotropic drugs;
• improve social skills;
• increase stress resistance;
• reduce anxiety and fear.

As a rule, consultations with a psychotherapist are prescribed by the patient’s attending psychiatrist. A specialist will help you cope with diseases such as schizophrenia and other types of psychoses, bipolar disorder, dementia, etc.

The psychotherapist also treats mild to moderate mental disorders. These, for example, include depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, neurosis, panic attacks, and anxiety disorders. A specialist of this kind helps to get rid of addictions.

You should make an appointment with a psychotherapist in the following cases:

• apathy, lack of desire for activity. I want to sleep all the time, getting out of bed in the morning becomes more and more difficult. Even basic actions are difficult;
• chronic fatigue, decreased performance;
• change of mood background. A person loses interest in things that previously attracted his attention, minimizes communication with others, becomes unsociable, withdrawn;
• a sharp polar change in mood - from decadent to over-excited;
• decreased self-esteem;
• the appearance of new, atypical bodily sensations;
• frequent emotional outbursts, tearfulness, aggressiveness or irritability;
• sleep problems;
• absentmindedness;
• causeless panic attacks that can occur at night;
• overeating or complete lack of appetite;
• self-injury, suicidal thoughts and attempts;
• obsession with certain thoughts and actions.

People also turn to a psychotherapist without a diagnosis, when they are in difficult life circumstances, they have a feeling of a dead end from which there is no way out. A person cannot find peace of mind, and understands that he cannot cope on his own.

But in such cases, you should not think that the doctor will give you specific advice on what to do in a given situation. A psychotherapist is not an adviser. This is a specialist who will help you get to know yourself better, reveal to you what you had no idea about before, and tell you about other models of behavior. And you, relying on new knowledge, will be able to find answers to your questions yourself and make the right decision.

As Ryan Howes, a professor of psychology, says, you go to a therapist not to give him power over you, but to gain power over yourself.

How does a psychotherapy session work?

The first session is somewhat similar to a date. But there is a huge difference between a date and a session - during a consultation you can relax and be yourself. The answer to the question of how to behave with a psychologist can be formulated briefly - be natural. A psychologist is the person with whom you can be angry and offended with impunity if you want. Just be yourself and express yourself in a way that is comfortable for you. A psychologist's session is a place where you can be, and not seem.

And yet, do not rush to bring down your entire inner world on the consultant. The initial consultation is an introduction. Two people meet to establish a therapeutic rapport and gather information about each other. They start a casual conversation to relax, find common ground, find out the reasons for the meeting and outline the course of further work. This is a dialogue during which you “try on” the consultant, and the specialist studies you.

Our service employs highly qualified specialists with higher education and many years of experience. Convince yourself of this, leave a request on this page and get the first 20 minutes of consultation with a psychologist absolutely free.

Wondering how an appointment with a psychotherapist goes, someone expects a “breakthrough” in the first session. No, rapprochement, insights, breakthroughs - all this comes later. Any relationship, including a therapeutic one, requires effort and time. They develop, communication becomes more confidential, and its results become more and more impressive. If, of course, the client fulfills the terms of the therapeutic contract:

• maintains the frequency of meetings - 1-2 sessions per week;
• completes “homework” assigned by the psychologist;
• consciously engages in joint work with the consultant.

The word “mindfulness” is not a buzzword. There is an important note about this. It also applies to how to start a conversation with a psychologist and extends to the entire therapy. Realize that you need the result. This means that remaining silent, ignoring, and denying is not the best way to achieve success. The life of a psychologist will not be destroyed because the client creates all sorts of obstacles. But it is in the client’s interests to cooperate and not interfere.

Who is a psychotherapist

A psychotherapist is a specialist who restores a person’s mental balance through psychotherapy, that is, through various methods, the main tool of which is conversation.

A person with a higher education in the field of medicine or psychology has the right to engage in psychotherapeutic practice, who, moreover, must undergo special training in the chosen area of ​​psychotherapy. Short-term, monthly courses give reason to think about the qualifications of such a specialist. As a rule, training should last at least a year. In this case, the psychotherapist is required to have a certain number of client hours, that is, he himself undergo psychotherapeutic consultation in his field and a set number of hours of medical practice. It is necessary to have an appropriate license confirming the right to carry out this activity.

All these rules ensure the legality of the work of such a specialist. Each patient has the right to request that he provide such information in documentary form.

Unlike a psychologist, a psychotherapist has the authority to make a diagnosis and prescribe treatment. Like a psychiatrist, he has the right, along with psychotherapy, to provide medication treatment.

Priorities for initial consultation

There are many approaches to psychotherapy - Gestalt therapy, bodily, behavioral, family, psychoanalysis. The methods are different, but the initial consultation is usually the same. To be precise, its algorithm is similar. The first session is a meeting of two strangers with the goal of shedding light on the problem and strengthening hope for getting rid of it.

Three key tasks:

• interpersonal – establish trusting contact;
• diagnostic – formulate a hypothesis about the problem;
• therapeutic – to outline ways and methods of solving the problem.

What can you expect? Perhaps you will feel better and you will no longer consider your situation hopeless. Perhaps there will be a willingness to take some action or you will understand yourself better. However, 20 minutes, which is how long the first free session lasts, is too little to change your life.

Be active, attentive and responsive. Be prepared to engage in dialogue initiated by the psychologist. For example, here are the questions a psychologist can ask a patient at the first meeting: “What did you come with?”, “What problem is bothering you?”, “How can I help you?” These can be clarifying questions (“Did I understand correctly?”) or questions about feelings (“How do you feel about this?”).

Answer it like it is. And ask counter questions – organizational ones, about the consultant’s education, about the methods used. By the way, often the client’s question “how to get rid of it” is key in the first session - it is he who determines the request and tactics for further work. If you want to get rid of something, let me know.

Treatment regimen and how important it is to follow it

Treatment with a psychotherapist can be divided into several stages that complement each other:

• Taking medications;
• Psychotherapy sessions;
• Establishing a proper daily routine;
• Nutrition correction and diet setting.

The key to successful treatment is the presence of a trusting relationship between the patient and the doctor.
The patient also needs to strictly observe and fulfill all the doctor’s prescriptions and instructions. Otherwise, all efforts will be in vain. The joint work of a psychotherapist and a psychologist can increase the chances of success.

What can you talk about with a psychologist?

In short - about everything. You can say anything and ask any questions too. However, it is not a fact that your request will be granted. In particular, no professional will say “do this” to the client’s question “what should I do?” What to do is always your choice and your decision.

There are several general rules on how to talk to a psychologist:

• answer questions as frankly as possible;
• do not answer questions if there is resistance;
• say everything that comes to mind during therapy;
• inform the psychologist about what seems unpleasant;
• express your emotions - be happy, angry, offended;
• don’t be shy to ask for help or state “I want...”.

As practice shows, many clients are not concerned about what questions they can ask a psychologist or how to communicate with him, but about how natural they can be in therapy. Cooperating with a psychologist does not mean being “good”. It is possible and necessary to express aggression if necessary. Nothing bad will happen either to the psychologist or to you, but suppressing feelings is fraught.

Remember, the most environmentally friendly way to express anger and other negative emotions is through speech. Moreover, speech is the only tool for demonstrating them in therapy.

The day when you tell the psychologist “Your words piss me off” is not “fatal” for the consultant. This is a signal that, at a minimum, emphasizes that a therapeutic contact based on intimacy has occurred. It also indicates that the client is mature enough to allow himself to be himself.

Think not about how to communicate with a psychologist, but how to use yourself and the psychologist. For this, the desire to get results is enough. There is a desire - there will be a result. It doesn't matter what or how you say. What is more important is the intention to do something about what you want to say.

At an appointment with a psychotherapist

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Author: Super User Category: Articles by specialists Published May 21, 2015

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Psychotherapist, psychiatrist... The decision to consult a child with these specialists is usually not easy for parents to make. To do this means to admit the suspicion that the child has neuropsychic disorders, to admit that he is “nervous”, “abnormal”, “defective”, “psychic”. Many people are afraid of “registration” and the associated imaginary and real possible restrictions on forms of education and choice of profession. In this regard, parents often try not to notice developmental features, behavior, and oddities, which are often manifestations of the disease. If there is still a suspicion that the child has a neuropsychiatric disorder, then, as a rule, attempts are first made to treat him with some kind of “home remedies.” These could be either medications recommended by someone you know, or activities read in numerous “healing” manuals.

Convinced of the futility of attempts to improve the child’s condition, parents finally decide to seek help, but often not from a doctor, but from friends, healers, sorcerers, psychics, “grandmothers”, of whom there is now no shortage: many newspapers print a lot of similar offers type of services. Unfortunately, this often leads to sad consequences.

In the case when a child is really sick, he still ends up seeing a specialist, but the disease may already be advanced. When turning to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist for the first time, parents, as a rule, try to do this informally, anonymously.

Responsible parents should not hide from problems, be able to recognize early signs of neuropsychiatric disorders, consult a doctor in a timely manner and follow his recommendations. Every parent needs knowledge about measures to prevent deviations in the child’s development, about the causes of neurotic disorders, and about the first signs of mental illness.

EARLY CHILDHOOD

The most favorable conditions for the mental development of the personality of babies are situations in which the birth is planned and desired, and the relationship between their parents is stable and characterized by love and respect. It is unlikely that anyone will doubt this. Of course, children born in other conditions are not necessarily “doomed” to have neuropsychiatric disorders. Family, family relationships, and characteristics of upbringing are the most important, but far from the only factors influencing the development of a child’s psyche and personality. A child born into a conflict or single-parent family has many chances to develop normally and become a full-fledged individual. Only the conditions for this will be less favorable, and his parents, relatives, educators and teachers will have to spend much more effort on raising such a child.

And, conversely, a child born in a favorable family environment, under the influence of many factors, can be formed as a person with disabilities. To prevent this from happening, parents need to love and respect their children and follow two golden rules.

• Demand from the child only what he can. In order to do this, you need to study your child well, his capabilities and abilities. You cannot exhaust him with educational didactic games. You should humble your ambitions, rejoice if he masters new skills and abilities in a timely manner, and be wary if he is ahead of his peers in development. Don't stop loving him, even if he didn't live up to expectations.

• Meet the child's needs. To follow this rule, you need to be very attentive to your child. It is important to understand that he needs not only to eat, drink, dress, be clean, and study. We must remember the child’s vital needs for respect, recognition as an individual, affection, impressions, games, etc.

If suddenly there is something in your child’s behavior or communication that you do not understand, if family relationships have reached a dead end, timely and qualified help from a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist can be very useful.

Until relatively recently, it was believed that it makes sense for a psychiatrist, and even more so a psychotherapist, to show children only after they have turned 3 years old. Before this, as many still believe to this day, the child had no psyche. And if obvious developmental and behavioral disorders of the baby do arise, then pediatricians and neurologists can successfully deal with them. Unfortunately, even now you can still find a child psychiatrist or psychotherapist who holds detailed views and refuses to accept a small child (“Come back after three years!”). This is not true. For more than ten years now, here and even earlier abroad, a new branch of psychotherapy and psychiatry has emerged, called perinatal. Contacting a perinatal psychologist, psychotherapist, or a specialist in so-called early intervention will help solve many problems in a timely manner.

A child psychiatrist or psychotherapist quite often has to meet at appointments with overly ambitious parents who believe that their child is behind in development, although in fact this is not the case. At the same time, ignorance of the norm and early manifestations of general mental underdevelopment often leads to the fact that parents do not notice (or do not want to notice!) disorders of the child’s mental development.

In children aged 0 to 3 years, the central nervous system is not yet sufficiently differentiated. That is why he reacts to different harmful effects in the same way with general agitation, movements, disturbances of the digestive tract, sleep, etc.

When talking about children, doctors often use the term “psychomotor development,” emphasizing the close connection between the development of mental functions and movements in a small child. Often, signs of neuropsychic disorders can include monotonous crying, sleep disorders, and digestion disorders.

An important indicator of a child’s mental health is the characteristics of his interaction with other people. If the baby does not strive to communicate, reacts weakly to “flirts” with him, does not at all ask to be held by his mother or other loved ones, and when trying to pick him up is passive, like a soft toy, parents should show him to a specialist.

Already before the age of three, a child may have abnormalities that make it possible to diagnose a neuropsychiatric disorder. Parents should know their signs.

NERVO-MENTAL DISORDERS IN CHILDREN

If we talk about the reasons, there are several obvious ones. Firstly, heredity. Here we are talking most about the inheritance of the reactivity of the nervous system and psyche. It is the nervous constitution that determines certain reactions to the surrounding world that is inherited by gender. It is logical to assume that the child will inherit the type of reaction of either the mother or the father. And if one of them had a tendency to develop neurotic conditions, most likely the child will become the owner of this inheritance.

Another reason for the occurrence of nervous diseases is harmful influences during the period of conceiving a child. It is known that acute and chronic intoxications of the body during the period of conception of a child can be one of the reasons for the disruption of the consistent and natural formation of the fetus and cause weakness, first of all, of the nervous processes in the newborn. Often such weakness is a predisposition to the development of nervous and mental disorders in a child.

The conclusion suggests itself that if parents begin to take care of their offspring and their mental health in a timely manner, then they should pay special attention to eliminating harmful influences on their body during the period of conception. Conceiving a child by parents in the state of their greatest health and well-being is one of the essential aspects of the prevention of neuropsychic problems in children. And it is natural further that the mental and emotional state of a pregnant woman affects the correct formation of the fetus. Scientists have proven that a mother who was in a state of mental comfort during pregnancy created the opportunity for her child to harmoniously live the perinatal matrices (according to S. Grof) of mental development. Of course, her condition most of all depends during this period on marital relationships. Support, care and warmth from her husband will give her the opportunity to be in a state of joyful anticipation of the child.

Observations by American psychologists conducted in orphanages for young children have shown that raising a child in excellent conditions, but without maternal care, without communication with the mother, entails a delay in his mental development, increases his sensitivity to childhood diseases and even leads to the death of many of them. them. Without dwelling on the explanations that researchers give for this fact, I would, however, like to emphasize its certainty.

These and many other observations give reason to assert that the proper organization of maternal care for young children, especially in the first year of life, is one of the leading measures aimed at preventing neuropsychiatric disorders in the subsequent development of the child.

In connection with the above, the question arises about the role of the family, its organization and the environment in it for the formation of the child’s psyche and about those defects in family life that can harm the child.

A family is always a small integral group that includes mother, father and children. The educational significance of the family, in particular, is determined both by the positive influence on the child of each member of it, and of the entire family situation, the “spirit of the family.” In this regard, the breakdown of the family, the departure of one of the parents from the family creates an “incomplete home”, a “destroyed family” and despite the fact that formally it continues to exist (with one of the parents), it loses its holistic educational influence on the child. For a child in such a broken family, on the one hand, understandable material difficulties arise, and on the other, a long-lasting moral and mental conflict that significantly changes the formation of his psyche.

Therefore, prevention can be considered the struggle to preserve an integral, friendly family, to prevent gaps between parents - all this has a beneficial effect on the mental health of the child.

It is almost the same when analyzing another form of family dysfunction: long-term conflicts between parents or between other family members that carry the threat of family rupture. It is hardly possible to find a family in which there would be no temporary disagreements, conflicting views and attitudes, and, consequently, temporary conflicts. In practice, it is more correct to consider conflicts of this kind as contradictions that turn out to be not only harmful, but often useful for the formation of a more perfect, more friendly, more cohesive family team, characterized by unity of views.

However, any phenomena, if they acquire excessive, disproportionate dimensions, turn into their opposite. In this regard, conflicts that are extended over time, persistent, and threaten to destroy the family turn out to be just as harmful for the child as the breakup of the family itself.

Prevention of neuropsychiatric diseases in a child obliges future parents to have a thoughtful, serious attitude when creating a family: attention and tolerance of young parents to natural, especially at the beginning, differences in their views and character traits; a wise attitude towards raising a child, who should be excluded from the conflicts that arise between parents and for whom a calm, even, kind childhood should be created, and unclouded by anxiety for the integrity of the family.

Finally, as a result of the studies, the harmful effects of alcoholism of parents or family members on the development of the child were established.

Alcoholism (systematic, excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages) contributes to the immoral behavior of the drinker, is almost always one of the leading causes of long-term family conflicts and, moreover, represents one of the leading conditions, and often the prelude to family breakdown.

One of the main conditions for raising healthy offspring and protecting the child’s mental health is the exclusion of alcoholism from family life.

The main thing in the primary prevention of neuropsychiatric disorders in a child is rational education, education and more education. This situation is not new, but we have to address it again and again.

In 1859, the first systematic course of lectures on mental illness was published, which belonged to the remarkable Russian scientist, founder of the first department of psychiatry in Russia at the St. Petersburg Medical-Surgical Academy, Professor I.M. Balinsky. Considering the causes of insanity, he specifically focused on the importance of education. The direction, he said, given to the imagination and will of any person from childhood, decides his fate for the rest of his life. That is why the example of the parents acts on the child in the same way as a hereditary disposition.

“Disadvantages of education,” wrote I.M. Balinsky, - they are very diverse. Thus, early and excessive strain on mental abilities interferes with the correct physical development of the child’s body and gives rise to mental and physical weakness in the future, and therefore leads to illness. Excessive severity and lack of fairness in dealing with children, incessant condemnation and humiliation of children's pride are even worse. This is how a constant painful state of mind begins to develop in children and adolescents, which interferes with the normal influence of good impressions from the world around them.

Everything said by I.M. Balinsky has completely retained its meaning to this day.

Let us dwell on the importance of the rhythm of sleep and wakefulness. It is known that sleep is one of the forms of biological relief of nerve and other cells of the body from overload. Developing the correct rhythm of wakefulness and sleep in a child is a completely educational phenomenon. If in the first year of life a child sleeps most of the time of the day, then already during this period, waking him up at strictly defined hours of the day for feeding (in the first months of life) strengthens and develops the skill of independent awakening. Later, the child's waking time progressively increases, and the duration of sleep decreases: initially to 12-10, and in adolescents to 9-8 hours.

Systematically teaching a child to fall asleep at a strictly constant time and wake up at an equally fixed time is conducive to the formation of deep, sound, restful sleep; the transition from wakefulness to sleep - fast, joyful, desirable; awakening - just as quickly, with a feeling of freshness, vigor, satisfaction. The correct sleep schedule for children promotes a brighter, more fulfilling, joyful wakefulness.

A rested child is always moderately animated, active, constantly busy with his own affairs (games), and easily and quickly learns new life experiences, using abundant impressions of reality. His reactions depend primarily on the nature and quality of the stimuli. Since the most powerful irritants for a person are words, the content of these words, the tone in which they are pronounced, and the intonations accompanying them are not at all indifferent to the child.

Even treatment of those close to the child, without elements of irritability, dissatisfaction, neglect, or ill will, as a rule, instills in the child correspondingly even, relaxed, calm reactions. Raising a child becomes more integral when the surrounding adults do not violate the correspondence between the content of the verbal address to the child and the nature of their actions.

Words that have no basis in reality can be compared, Denis Diderot wrote, with those forests in the north where trees grow without roots. A fairly light blow of wind is enough to blow over an entire forest. A small fact is enough to overthrow a whole forest of fragile ideas of such a child.

As a result of parents' one-sided approach to upbringing, children often know well how not to live, how not to do, but often do not know how to live, how not to do. This discrepancy between the child’s understanding of the situation and his behavior in it is primarily due to the discrepancy between the teacher’s words and his actions.

After listening to a child’s question, parents often casually promise to fulfill his request: to do something, buy something or another. Without giving an account of their actions, parents, having spoken, often do not fulfill their promises. As a result, the child develops a contradiction between the meanings of words and sensations, its real value. This seemingly insignificant element of upbringing disruption actually disfigures the harmony of the child’s personality. The repetition of similar mistakes leads to the consolidation of such a discrepancy in the child’s nervous and mental reactions and his disorder.

Even the classics of pedagogy pointed out that a parent (educator) should always be attentive to the word that is addressed to the child. If you cannot fulfill a promise, do not promise, definitely and accurately explain why you should not or cannot fulfill it. If you can keep a promise, keep it, even if, in your opinion, the child “didn’t really deserve” it or did not behave quite correctly after the promise was made.

I would like to emphasize the fact that the systematic process of raising a child creates the necessary conditions for the harmonious maturation of various nerve cells, ensuring in unity all the complex nervous and mental activity of a person.

It is quite natural that if the load on the child’s nervous system (the systematic process of raising him) is carried out in jerks, unevenly, with overload in some periods of growth and underload in others, then the maturation of nerve cells will occur chaotically, out of natural sequence, which will lead to disharmony of formation personality of the child and will create conditions for the development of neuropsychic disorders in him.

In connection with the above, there is no reason to classify “school neuroses” as a separate group. These are the same clinical forms of neuroses, but they arise at that period of a child’s life when he encounters new difficulties, a new load - the transition to a systematic school load, schooling. Properly organized, such training for a healthy child cannot and does not cause neuropsychic disorders. At the same time, in children with a predisposition, pre-existing weakness of nerve cells and in cases of an ill-conceived system of school (family) workload for the child, real conditions arise for the breakdown of his maturing nervous system, for the appearance of neurosis.

Goethe once wrote that the unhappy person is the one who does not do what he could do and takes on something that is beyond his strength—no wonder if he dies. These words apply more to adults. If we talk about a child who cannot yet strictly balance his capabilities and actions, then his parents and educators (teachers) are responsible for his overload.

In clinical practice in recent years, we often encounter children in whom overload played a significant role in the occurrence of neuropsychiatric disorders. When you get acquainted with their life before illness, you are often surprised at the unreasonable behavior of their parents. It is becoming fashionable, for example, to teach a child from the first school years not only the mass school curriculum, but also music and a foreign language at the same time. At first glance, it seems that this represents the parents' concern for the child. But if we remember that such a child loses his childhood, becomes an early laborer burdened with worries, that his nerve cells are in a constant state of overload, then the appearance of nervousness, malaise, and sometimes severe mental disorders in such children becomes understandable. Not every child can withstand such an overload, not everyone can become like Paganini. Parents’ knowledge of their child, a rational load that prevents overstraining the growing body, is one of the sacred responsibilities of parents, educators and teachers.

Neuropathy

Neuropathy is a congenital childhood nervousness. Neuropathic children, as a rule, are graceful, thin, very active, dexterous and musical. They are often ahead of their peers in mental development (they begin to speak, read, and count faster). Such children are overly curious and active. Their attention is unstable, their emotions are very labile: the transitions from tears and sobs to uncontrollable laughter are instantaneous. But it can be difficult for them to calm down. All emotions are too much. In this regard, they often conflict with peers and are considered disobedient among adults. In children, gastrointestinal tract disorders (appetite disorders, nausea, vomiting, unstable stools), increased sweating, and skin rashes are common. The increased activity of neuropathic children leads to the fact that they are so tired during the day that they do not have the strength to calm down and fall asleep. Getting them to sleep is a real challenge. For hours, parents sit by the crib, patting, stroking the child, or even rocking him in their arms. It seems that the baby has already fallen asleep, but as soon as the parent breathes a sigh of relief and tries to leave, he again hears a demanding call or cry. Neuropaths' sleep is very sensitive!

It is important to keep in mind that these children often have paradoxical reactions to medications: sedatives may excite them, and vice versa. Many people believe that the widely used and widespread diphenhydramine can help with difficulties falling asleep. Neuropaths tend to get excited from it. It’s really bad if in such a situation the parents decide that the dose was insufficient and give the child another pill. At the same time, the child’s excitement increases, and he may experience hallucinations.

Neuropathic children are difficult to treat, but with age, with proper upbringing that takes into account their characteristics, they level out. When communicating with any children, and especially with neuropaths, it is important to remember that they are very sensitive to the emotions of others. Parents need to learn to “infect” their children with their balance and calmness. It is not easy. Unfortunately, as a rule, the opposite happens - children “infect” their parents with their excitement, and the mother shouts at the child: “May you finally fall asleep someday!” Sleep now!” Of course, it’s not easy to fall asleep to such a “lullaby.”

Hyperkinetic syndrome

Hyperkinetic syndrome is a diagnosis that is quite common now, more often in boys than in girls. It appears early, usually in the first 5 years of a child's life. At the same time, the child is characterized by increased activity, but rarely finishes the job he starts. It is difficult for him to make efforts to achieve his goals. In this regard, he has a tendency to frequently move from one activity to another. With age, such children become more organized, but at school, as a rule, they experience serious difficulties. Their impulsiveness and restlessness often lead to children committing rash acts, which is why they are considered malicious violators of discipline. Accidents happen to them more often than to other children.

Children with such disorders require a special approach, and parents sometimes do not understand that deviations in the child’s behavior are caused by painful disorders. Children do not live up to their parents' expectations and cause them a lot of trouble. This worsens their relationship, which makes the situation worse. A kind of vicious circle arises. An experienced psychotherapist or psychiatrist can help you break out of it.

Impaired mental function

Delayed mental development is manifested by later, compared to peers, the appearance of speech, story-based games, difficulties in mastering reading, memorizing poems and songs, lack of interest in books, construction sets, board games, and skipping preparatory classes for school.

There is uneven development of intelligence. In this case, the child succeeds in one area, but lags behind in some other area. Children with mental retardation or uneven development of intelligence often become overly touchy, confrontational, sometimes aggressive, or withdraw into themselves and try to avoid contact with other children. Treatment with a psychotherapist or psychiatrist can greatly help these children and their families.

Delays and uneven mental development are borderline conditions with mental retardation.

Neurotic disorders

Neurotic disorders occur very often in children. Their appearance is a direct indication for contacting a psychotherapist. The most common causes of neurotic disorders are improper upbringing and traumatic situations (in the family, in kindergarten, at school).

Short-term transient neurotic disorders are called neurotic reactions. They allow you to adapt in a difficult situation, but this adaptation is not rational. We can safely say that there is not a single person in the world who, at least once in his life, having found himself in a difficult situation, did not give neurotic reactions. If neurotic reactions become a habitual way of reacting and begin to determine a person’s behavior, then we can already talk about the emergence of a neurotic state in him, that is, neurosis itself.

The main cause of neuroses in children is mental trauma suffered by them in early childhood or recently. Among other causes of neuroses, psychologists identify: hereditary nervous diseases of one of the parents, infectious diseases suffered by the child (meningitis, rubella, etc.), relationships between parents in the family, physical and emotional overload, insufficient sleep time, malnutrition, the presence of helminths (parasites) in the child’s body, parents’ mistakes in upbringing. Modern parents are trying to impose their own views on their child, their own stereotype of behavior, without understanding and not realizing that they are just a small child who finds it difficult to “meet” the demands of mom and dad every minute. Constant tension, the feeling that the child is doing everything wrong, ultimately leads the child’s unstable psyche to neurosis.

Neurosis is already a disease that has all the characteristic signs of a disease: causes, onset, certain dynamics, outcome. Neuroses often become chronic and last for years. In these cases, the formation of a neurotic personality occurs in unfavorable conditions, and neurotic personality development occurs. It is very important for parents to prevent this from happening. Therefore, they must know what leads to neuroses, be able to prevent them, identify and correctly qualify their first manifestations. At the same time, it is useless to talk and write about the symptoms of neuroses, since for different neuroses the symptoms can be the same or almost the same. But the treatment required is different. That is why, in the treatment of neuroses, not the symptomatic (combat the symptom), but the etiological (identification and elimination of the cause) approach is of particular importance. Unfortunately, parents of children with neurosis do not think about the cause of the disorder, but try to direct all their efforts towards relieving the symptoms (touchiness, tearfulness, anxiety, fear, headaches, sleep disturbances, tics, urinary incontinence, fecal incontinence, nail biting , masturbation and the like). Measures aimed only at combating the symptom are usually unsuccessful. If you still manage to cope with it, then often after some time it returns again in the same or changed form. That is why it is so important to understand the causes of neuroses and the patterns of their development.

It may be really difficult sometimes to avoid the impact of traumatic factors of fate (divorce, difficult pregnancy, heredity) and situations on a child, but remember if he feels your love, closeness, interest, protection and acceptance, all of the above will become a short-term, not so painful and passing episode of his life...

Literature:

“Childhood diseases” medikov.net

“Neuroses in children” by A.I. Zakharov

“Neuroses in Children” by O. Rogozhkin

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Three tips for working effectively with a psychologist

Don't be afraid to change.

An initial consultation is not an obligation to spend your entire life with a specific psychologist. If you feel the feeling “he had a free session, it’s inconvenient to refuse now,” this is wrong. If something goes wrong, tell the psychologist and contact our support service. We will select another consultant for a free session. You can stop at any time if you feel that you don’t trust, things haven’t worked out, there’s no improvement.

Don't wait for advice

It would, of course, be nice to receive instructions on how to live correctly. But, unfortunately, a world where people live according to universal rules exists only on the pages of dystopias. Yes, you will be “tormented” with questions. Yes, they will try to find out what you want. Yes, they will force you to find answers to your own questions. And if something different happens during the session - for example, a psychologist recommends that you get a divorce and go to India to look for yourself - you probably need to change the psychologist.

Keep records

The therapeutic session lasts on average 50 minutes and takes place once a week. To consolidate its results, keep short notes during the session or after it - what you understood, what you felt, what you experienced. During the week, continue to do this useful activity - reflect on paper or electronic media. And then you won’t have to start all over again every time.

How many therapy sessions are needed to solve the problem?

Everything is very individual and depends on many factors. The development of events is usually as follows: for the first two or three sessions, the spouses complain, swear and cry. Then small progress and improvements begin. Then - a rollback (the spouses came closer through therapy, and with renewed vigor they presented all their grievances), conflicts return with renewed vigor. This is a turning point: if the spouses can cope, find new meanings for being together and set adequate goals and objectives for therapy, the prognosis is good. Next comes the stage of real work and real changes (the scale is not important here, sometimes the changes seem minimal and insignificant). Then a period of calm and joy from the achieved results.

The pace of this journey is different for all couples. The first results, on average, appear after the fifth or sixth session.

How much does it cost and how long does it last?

A good specialist can be found for any money. On our service, the average price for a consultation is 1,500 rubles, and services are provided by specialists with higher psychological education and at least 3 years of experience.

Some will find it too little, while others will say it’s too expensive. In any case, we are responsible for the quality of the services we provide and monitor the reputation of the service. The first consultation is free for everyone and lasts 20 minutes.

You can tell approximately how long a session with a psychologist who will contact you lasts, using a standard of 45-50 minutes. But each specialist independently determines the price of services and the duration of the consultation. Questions about this can be asked at the first session.

Therapy is a journey, and some might think that it is a lifelong journey. Perhaps every psychologist dreams of having at least a couple of clients enter into such an open-ended contract with him. But still, the goal of therapy is to create a person who can solve problems independently. This problem can be realistically solved within the framework of short-term (10-15 sessions) therapy.

Psychotherapy is a relationship. There are many layers in them - what the psychologist asks, how the client answers, what he feels, how he understands, how he reveals himself. This is what makes up the fabric of the therapeutic conversation and the essence of the therapeutic contact. Be careful. Don't be afraid to discuss. Ask for an explanation. And most importantly, allow yourself to change. After all, the effectiveness of therapy largely depends on how determined you are in your desire to change your life.

How does a psychotherapist work?

The methods of work of a psychotherapist depend on which school he represents.

1. Psychoanalysis. A psychoanalyst works with a person's unconscious. He helps him understand his unconscious attitudes that interfere with his life. The specialist carries out this process using special techniques, for example, free associations. The patient speaks out all the thoughts that are swarming in his head, and the specialist analyzes them and tries to find pitfalls.
2. Analytical psychology. The psychotherapist works with the client through symbols, images, and associations.
3. Psychodrama. The doctor and the client play out the situation, during which the person gets the opportunity to take actions that he cannot do in real life, experience emotions, and confront personal conflicts.
4. Gestalt therapy. The doctor helps a person realize his own “I” and live in harmony with himself.
5. Existential therapy. During the conversation, the client comes to understand his position in life, he learns to be in harmony with life, despite all the troubles.
6. Neurolinguistic programming. The patient is taught certain behavioral strategies, during which he analyzes past actions and learns to develop new rules of behavior.

There are many more areas in which a psychotherapist works:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy;
• transactional analysis;
• Ericksonian hypnosis;
• client-centered therapy;
• body-oriented therapy, etc.

Each of these areas involves the use of a certain method of influencing the client.

The main tool of a psychotherapist is conversation. It performs several functions at once.

With its help, the psychotherapist establishes contact with his ward, collects information and conducts diagnostics. Often people turn to a specialist with their own clearly formulated understanding of the problem. The doctor’s task is to find out them and explain to the person the real state of affairs during a conversation and history taking.

A psychotherapeutic conversation allows you to evaluate the success of therapy and summarize its results.

All of these are general aspects that make it possible to carry out a conversation in any type of psychotherapy. But in a number of areas it is the main method of psychotherapeutic influence. These include, for example, psychoanalysis and client-centered therapy.

Hypnosis is another method of influence of a psychotherapist, which suppresses the client’s will and increases the degree of his suggestibility. With its help, you can rid a person of a phobia, improve sleep, and relieve anxiety. But, in most cases, it eliminates the symptoms, not the cause, which is why its scope is quite limited.

Coding is also a method of suggestion that allows a psychotherapist to rid a person of all kinds of addictions.

Other ways a doctor influences a patient’s personality include NLP, role-playing games, dance, art therapy, etc.

A psychotherapist can work with different categories of clients. Thus, there is an individual therapist who works with one client, as well as a group and family therapist.

A group psychotherapist, as you might guess, works with a whole group of clients. At the same time, during sessions he can act in different roles. The most common of them are:

• leader, when the therapist dominates the participants in the process. Guides them, evaluates their actions, expresses support or criticizes;
• analyst – passive position. At first glance, the therapist stands aside and allows the group to behave and say what they want. During the process, he analyzes everything each participant said and then explains to them their subconscious motives. In subsequent sessions, participants themselves become involved in such analysis. Determine what is worth discussing and what is not;
• the expert directs the group in the right direction, from time to time suggests what needs to be done, and turns the conversation in the right direction. He offers to play out a situation and pushes passive participants to action.

It is believed that those specialists who, one way or another, intervene in the life of the group are more effective for psychotherapeutic practice.

A family therapist provides support to couples who live in a registered or civil marriage, and also corrects the relationship between parents and children.