Selflessness is the ability of an individual to perform actions that bring benefits (material or psychological) to others, without expecting mutual gratitude, compensation or other benefit from what is done. Unselfishness as a personality quality places the personality itself among the very last points on the priority scale, being anti-striving, anti-possession, anti-dimension. In selflessness there is no expectation of benefit and no calculation of resources spent (neither money spent nor sleepless nights are important).
What is selflessness
By definition, selflessness is the ability to do good deeds without expecting anything in return. People with this quality provide material or psychological assistance without hoping to receive benefits, compensation, or even gratitude. They also do not calculate how much resources they spent.
Selflessness is often associated with inner freedom. This is a state when material calculation and commercialism are alien to a person. He does good deeds just like that, in order to make the lives of others at least a little better. There is no talk here about priorities and plans for the future.
Interesting! “Unselfishness is one of the most praiseworthy virtues that gives rise to good glory.” M. Cervantes
Selflessness is an intrapersonal quality. It manifests itself and is realized exclusively in actions, and not in words. It's being kind to others without expecting bonuses for yourself.
An unselfish person does not obey society and does not evaluate his actions in terms of consequences. That is why sometimes his behavior leads to personal losses. However, in return comes the joy of realizing that someone has become happier.
Many people are deceived into thinking that their actions are selfless. If you carefully analyze the motives, it turns out that they are driven by the desire to earn praise or gain trust.
Origin from the opposite
The title can be read in two ways: on the one hand, you can remember the phrase “proof by contradiction,” and on the other hand, the fact that “nasty” and “vile” are synonyms and mean something unpleasant. We had in mind the first meaning, but the second is also appropriate here. To understand the origin of unselfishness, it is necessary to illuminate the phenomenon of self-interest. Let's see what the etymological dictionary thinks.
There was a word koriti - “to reproach”, originally meaning “prey”. Another etymological dictionary clarifies that self-interest can have two interpretations. Some believe that the word actually goes back to the words “production”, “part”, “share”. Others offer it as a source of “korystati,” derived from “ristati” - “to ride, to ride.” If we take this point of view into account, then self-interest is what is gained in battle. Whichever side we choose, in any case everything will come down to the concept of self-interest.
Why you need to cultivate selflessness
We are initially born selfless. Doing good deeds for the benefit of others is a normal state. And that is what brings true happiness.
People have the opportunity to go one of two ways:
- Put yourself and your desires first. Show selfishness.
- Cultivate selflessness in yourself, becoming happier every day.
You can choose any option. The responsibility for the choice will still fall on your shoulders. But is it worth arguing with your nature?
For example, imagine a funny situation. The fish moves to land for further life. This is unnatural because it must live in water. Is not it? The same is true with selflessness. Developing it in yourself is natural. Don’t try to change human nature, “go on land.” This is the only way you will experience satisfaction.
Selfless - what kind of person is this?
So what does selflessness mean? This is helping other people without benefiting yourself. A selfless person invests energy, money and time in those around him. And these resources are not paid for, they do not pay off.
A person who does not think about benefits has a number of characteristic signs:
- Be honest with yourself and with others. Has no ulterior motives.
- Doesn't manipulate other people, doesn't resort to cunning.
- Shows compassion.
For such individuals, any reward for actions (psychological or material) is akin to punishment.
How others perceive him
Someone takes advantage of selfless people without any conscience. Others appreciate them, showing gratitude for their help. In general, it all depends on the character and personal qualities.
By the way, many people confuse selfless concern for the welfare of other people with altruism. There is a serious difference between these two concepts. The altruist's actions often cause him harm. All because he doesn't see the danger.
According to psychologists, altruists are very sensitive to negative changes in the environment. They let through themselves what is happening to others, their pain, emotions. Because of this, they themselves experience a storm of feelings. Unfortunately, not always pleasant ones.
How relationships with society are built
People who do good unselfishly are always ready to respond to requests for help. They are always for frankness and openness. Therefore, they easily establish contact with others.
Relationships with different social groups for unselfish people develop differently:
- In a family where complete trust reigns, connections will only strengthen. The absence of selfish motives and motives will help people become even closer to each other.
- Selflessness in a team can play a cruel joke. Colleagues often take advantage of kindness and dependability. A person rarely moves up the career ladder. Cannot defend his opinion and interests.
- In relationships with strangers, the situation is much more complicated than in previous cases. Excessive openness and gullibility very often lead to disappointment. In addition, unselfish people can be used for their own purposes and deceived.
A person who is ready to act selflessly for the benefit of others believes that those around him should be the same as him. This opinion prevents him from sensibly assessing the situation and people.
Psychological portrait of a selfish personality
The desire to get rich by any available means and methods is becoming increasingly popular in the modern world. In this regard, the definition of “self-interest” can be redefined as a constant concentration on obtaining profit through dishonest activities. In this case, the closest words in essence would be commercialism and love of money.
For people susceptible to self-interest, the good of other people will not be taken into account when achieving their own interests. In this case, outright flattery, praise, compliments, deception, and complete refusal to perform certain actions can be considered as tools for achieving selfish goals.
The thinking of a selfish person is characterized by the following characteristics:
- in her pursuit of enrichment, she does not care about the negative consequences that may arise for other people;
- for them, causing harm to other people is a kind of “sacrifice” that must be made in order to achieve their goals;
- As a rule, such people do not experience pangs of conscience from committed acts in which they could harm other people.
Reasons for selflessness
Psychologists say that this quality appears either in childhood or in adulthood. Moreover, in the second case, tragic or inspiring events must occur in life.
Selflessness does not develop naturally, because the individual must have healthy egoism and fight for his life. And further. Depending on how you respond to manifestations of unselfishness, the quality develops or is eradicated, like other shortcomings.
Selflessness of a child
Unselfish children really need support and understanding from their parents. They must explain to the child how and why to help other people. This will help avoid two extremes: altruism and asceticism.
Unselfishness in an adult
In adults, quality develops only after a reassessment of values, a revision of priorities, and a change in view of the world.
It is difficult to say unequivocally whether selflessness that emerged in adulthood is harmful or not. Sometimes it is beneficial. In some cases, after traumatic situations, you may need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist.
The meaning of the prefix
The prefix “without” (“bes”) has two meanings:
- In nouns denoting the absence or lack of something.
- In adjectives (and therefore in adverbs) - devoid of something.
The second case is just ours. After all, disinterestedly means “without any personal interest.” So, even without turning to an explanatory dictionary, we learned the meaning of the object of study. But our conscience will not let us sleep peacefully if we still do not turn to an authoritative source.
What is selflessness worth?
In the modern world, unselfish people have a difficult time. This is because there are those who use them with impunity. Let's give an example. You've probably seen stores that give out free bread to pensioners. For this purpose, a separate showcase is allocated in the sales area. The store owners don't expect anything in return. They just want to help those in need. And if at first the bread reaches its destination, then it is taken by those who do not need help at all.
Unfortunately, such cases happen everywhere. There are people who will not miss theirs. They will shamelessly take advantage of the selflessness and kindness of others.
The correct defensive reaction will help to avoid such situations. Learn to be discerning about your surroundings. And raise your children the same way. Show them that selflessness is not weakness.
Offers
Now let's find out how adverbs and adjectives feel in ordinary speech, make sentences with them:
- Listen, I love your mother completely unselfishly, this is the honest truth! What, millions in your account? No, I don't know anything about them.
- A man on his way to work helped a single mother lift her stroller to the fifth floor, she didn’t even have time to ask his name. This help was selfless.
- When a millionaire gives money to charitable foundations, then this act should be recognized as selfless, because he could not have done such a thing.
- Only those people who have already lost everything or gained a lot can help selflessly.
- A person cannot be selfless in everything. Whether willingly or unwillingly, he still wants something for himself.
Enough, perhaps. There remains only one question that also needs to be addressed.
How to develop selflessness
First you need to realize the lack of this quality. And then all that remains is to start acting. Look around: there are many people around who need your help. It could be an elderly woman with heavy bags. Or a friend who really needs psychological support.
There are many ways to develop selflessness:
- Feed homeless dogs and cats. And if possible, give someone your care and love.
- Get involved in volunteer activities. Help those who find themselves in difficult life situations.
- Perhaps one of your neighbors or acquaintances needs physical help. Why not help them clean their apartment or house, clear snow in the yard, or simply bring groceries?
- Keep order in your yard and entrance.
- Provide all possible assistance to orphanages, hospitals, hospices.
- Help those struggling with serious addictions.
- Collaborate with people and organizations that promote a healthy lifestyle, moral, spiritual, and family values.
- Share with people your knowledge on how to become successful. Be an example for them.
And the most important thing. Learn to live in such a way that selflessness manifests itself automatically. So that spontaneously helping others becomes the norm.
