Selfishness - what is it, good or bad: examples. When you can be selfish: ways and 10 reasons to develop healthy selfishness

Each person has his own ego - a part of the personality through which the individual realizes himself. Through it he interacts with the world, so it is interesting to figure out who the egoist is. It is believed that this is a negative character. However, maybe, as in any phenomenon, it also has positive sides?

How to recognize an egoist?

Such a person has a number of traits that characterize his behavior. What an egoist means can be understood by finding the following in a person:

1. In communication, he does not know how to listen to his interlocutor. There is a strong desire to express one’s own opinion.
2. Ignores other people's comments. Considers them beneath his dignity.
3. It's always everyone's fault except him.
4. Likes to brag a lot with or without reason. Often embellishes his own merits.
5. Considers himself ideal. He thinks that others should imitate him.
6. Manipulation is a favorite means of interacting with other people. A prudent egoist encourages and himself supports intrigues and squabbles in the team.
7. Strives to constantly attract attention. Has a strong desire to be in the center of public opinion.
8. All his aspirations are aimed at satisfying his own ambitions and desires, regardless of the needs of others.
9. Clearly divides people according to their social status. Behavior is structured according to a person’s status.

Reasons for selfishness

They should be looked for in improper upbringing. A selfish person can turn out if:

1. There is an example of selfish behavior on the part of parents. Children copy all behavioral guidelines given in the family.
2. The child is often alone. His needs are ignored. This causes offense to the whole world.
3. Otherwise, all the baby’s whims are satisfied even beyond measure. A sense of responsibility and action is not instilled. There is a stereotype of thinking that everyone owes him.

Young mothers at risk

Most of all, young parents are guilty of unjustified altruism. A small child takes up most of the time. A woman often forgets about herself, devoting all her time to her family. It is important to give yourself at least 30 minutes a day - read a book, take a bath and make a face mask. This is all possible if you share family responsibilities.

Regular care will help the mother not fall into postpartum depression and get her body in order. After all, appearance directly indicates moral state. You can show the last phrase to your husband - a happy wife will know what to share with her husband.

Pros and cons of selfishness

The most important disadvantage of egocentrism is the impossibility of harmonious personality development. A selfish person is unable to grow spiritually. Only such feelings as compassion, participation, mercy, altruism are capable of correctly educating the human soul. Other disadvantages of selfishness:

1. Problems with building a full-fledged family. This social unit of society requires dedication and patience, which is alien to the egoist.
2. Lack of friends and outside help. The attitude of the egoist’s consciousness says that he needs to cope on his own. It is difficult to be friends with a person who thinks only about himself.
3. Difficulties in social life. Egocentrism makes it difficult to get close to people.

Many people think that there are no positive aspects in such an attitude towards oneself, but this is not true, for example, the advantages of selfishness:

• providing self-care;
• the ability to distinguish between one’s own and others’ interests;
• quickly achieving goals;
• the ability to refuse where necessary;
• gaining a sense of self-preservation;
• realization of one’s ego within the framework of an individual personality.

Types of egoists

As many people as there are, there can be as many varieties of this phenomenon. Selfish behavior is individual and varies according to several indicators:

1. Depending on the degree of external manifestation, there are obvious and hidden. The first demonstratively express their selfish inclinations. The latter can masquerade as altruists.
2. According to internal characteristics, they are divided into narcissism (narcissism in all forms) and egocentrism (all life positions are focused on oneself).
3. According to social activity, they are divided into passive (remain indifferent to the interests of others) and active (energetic in satisfying their ambitions).
4. Who is this egoist according to the principle of self-sufficiency: “parasites” and “consumers”. The first type is characterized by the fact that it lives entirely at the expense of others, while the second type works to achieve their own selfish goals.
5. According to the type of behavior, they are divided into rational (they show reasonable selfishness) and irrational (they realize their needs, often to their detriment).

How to deal with an egoist?

Personality traits complicate relationships with such a person. For example, a selfish husband may groundlessly accuse his wife of cheating. Psychologists give a number of tips on how to behave with an egoist:

1. Simply leaving him will give rise to a lot of accusations, gossip and gossip. You should look for a compromise solution or ensure that the divorce is initiated by an egoist.
2. An egocentric person is not subject to re-education. It is easier for others to change their attitude towards this person. You need to know what to expect from him and internally tune in to such behavior.
3. You can change the attitude of an egoist towards others. To do this, you should require additional signs of attention and care from him. This can become a habit for an egoist.
4. The behavior of people living nearby can become mirrored. It is necessary to demonstrate who an egoist is to the person himself. This will either change his behavior or help him break up.

What to do if you fall in love with an egoist?

If you can, run away from him as quickly as possible. For what? Because otherwise you will only get a lot of pain from this relationship. You will have to completely dissolve in your partner and lose yourself as a person. An egoist is a being who will not tolerate those who have their own opinions, views, ideals, principles and interests, or those who are critical of their partner.

If you firmly believe that your choices are truly exceptional, then one day you will realize that you are not living your life. Your entire existence revolves around your partner's desires and interests.

Egoists are people incapable of true self-sacrifice and love. They all consider themselves extremely smart and talented. Consequently, they are always right, and everyone around them is narrow-minded fools who are worthless and know nothing. An egoist will blame others for all misfortunes and attribute selfish impulses to them, and not to himself.

The selfish nature simply will not allow such people to build close relationships that are based on openness and love on both sides. That is why egoists are deprived of the opportunity to find family happiness. Often they themselves suffer from this and cannot understand the reason for their failures in love.

How to stop being selfish?

This question may arise when an individual realizes that he is behaving incorrectly. Getting rid of selfishness requires conscious work on yourself. To help, experts have developed a number of tips:

1. You need to try to make friends with someone.
2. Join some team. In a team you can learn how to interact with other people.
3. Learn to express empathy and sympathy. You need to be more interested in other people's affairs.
4. Showing appreciation for the kindness of others will help change the mentality that “everyone should.”
5. In controversial issues, a compromise must be sought.
6. For any reason, try to share.
7. Make a gratitude list at least once a month. You need to learn to say “thank you” for everything.

Personal relationships

Everyone knows the concepts of “ex” or “former”. Some people try to remain friends after a breakup. How pitiful their meetings and communication sometimes look! You should not continue communication if even a photo on a social network causes pain. This is a form of self-mockery. Reasonable egoism is the saving grace here. Think, first of all, about yourself and what advantages have opened up to you. Don't maintain a broken connection and it will die on its own.

How to become selfish?

Balance is important in everything. Altruism can also be harmful to a person, but healthy selfishness can make people happy. To do this you need:

• learn to say “no” if you don’t like something;
• get rid of guilt;
• do what makes life fulfilling;
• include time for yourself in your routine;
• forget about friends who impose themselves and become a burden;
• store and take care of your belongings.

Related articles:

Thinking about your interests, taking care of your own well-being - how can this trait be bad in the realities of the modern world?
In reasonable doses, being selfish is useful, profitable and pleasant. This promotes personal growth, self-realization and rapid success.

When you need and can be selfish: 10 reasons for reasonable selfishness

Let's consider cases when reasonable egoism is not just appropriate, but necessary:

Least favorite job

Many people don’t even imagine that work can be fun. There are many people who do their work with pleasure, and all because at one time they found something they liked. Don't stay in a company or company if you don't like the work. Look for what you like and you will find it. Salary, of course, plays a decisive role here, but you should set goals for yourself to get the job of your dreams. After all, a huge part of our life is spent on work; we need to live it in pleasure, and not in eternal dissatisfaction and remorse.

Wage

Many people are embarrassed to ask for a salary increase. While others ask and receive. Many work late and are not paid extra for it. While others clearly voice their position that their work hours should be paid. If you don’t see prospects for career and financial growth, don’t cling to this job, look for something new. Healthy selfishness is pursuing one’s goals without sacrificing others. Don't you and your family deserve better? Enrich yourself, not your bosses, if they don’t see you as a valuable person. It is important to realistically assess your capabilities and contribution to the common cause.

When is it necessary to be selfish?

Know how to say “no”

While others mutter something inaudibly under their breath, others know how to say “no” if the situation is inconvenient for them. Because of their inability to refuse, people lend money even if they didn’t want to. Because of their inability to refuse, people agree to work after hours. Because of the inability to refuse, people comply with the whims of relatives and friends that go against their wishes. Who ultimately suffers? Only the person who simply could not say one simple and firm word “sorry, no!” In such situations, you need to be selfish, otherwise you risk becoming a convenient lifesaver for those who will quickly understand that you can be manipulated and you cannot refuse.

Extra friendship

There are people who do not bring you happiness, joy, or benefit, but at the same time they take up a lot of free time, they can dump their problems on you and burden you with their requests. But at the same time, if you ask for something, you may be refused. Many people have a girlfriend who constantly calls, takes up a lot of free time, and you cannot rely on her. And there are a lot of such stories and examples.

Trying to get rid of unnecessary friendships can drag on for many years. Learn not to waste your time on dubious friendships, because instead you can start a friendly relationship with a good and congenial person. You should not abruptly interrupt communication in a rude manner; it is enough to make it clear to the person that you have other concerns and you simply have no time for him. Of course, such a person will be offended, but this should not worry you. Don’t even think about reproaching yourself and feeling guilty.

Family

In the minds of many women there is an understanding that you are a woman, you are a mother, and you simply must, at any cost, do the best for your family every day. Some household members do not take into account the fact that the mother is tired, that she also wants to relax and do her favorite things, instead of serving the family. On weekends, the woman will clean, wash, cook, while the household can watch TV and do their own thing.

In this case, the woman simply must be “selfish,” let’s call it that, and attract all family members to help. Children can clean their own rooms; they should be taught to help from childhood. The husband can vacuum or peel the potatoes. And then the whole family will have a day off. If household members don’t want to help, let them take care of themselves; mom should also have a day off.

Examples of healthy egoism

Children

It is not uncommon for a husband and wife, not loving each other, to live for many years in marriage for the sake of their children. People who do not love each other deceive themselves, trying to portray the illusion of happiness in marriage. It’s easier for them to do this than to try to explain to the child that mom and dad will now live separately, but will still love the child just the same. You should not sacrifice yourself to fears, stereotypes and fear of responsibility for your life.

You need to take responsibility for your personal happiness, even if you are called selfish, even if you are dissuaded and condemned for depriving your child of a full-fledged family. The best way to make a child happy is to show him this by example. The same goes for your career. You can often hear a mother reproaching her child: “I quit my job because of you, and you...”, “I quit my job in order to spend all my time with the baby...” and things like that. Don't give up on your career if you want to work and achieve career heights.

Move towards your dream

Many people encounter this on the verge of leaving school. When parents choose a university instead of a child, without taking into account the fact that he would like to enroll in another. This can be presented so cunningly that a person will believe that he himself made his choice. And only after a while he can understand that he has taken a wrong turn in his life. Over time, your choices can be influenced by your spouse, bosses, and others. A reasonable egoist will understand in time that these are not his desires and will take the path to his dream, even if everyone dissuades him.

Extra politeness

If you have had the habit of apologizing for any reason since childhood, you need to correct it a little. If you step on a person’s foot on the subway, you definitely need to apologize. However, you should not apologize for someone else if their inappropriate actions can be associated with you. Everyone must be accountable for themselves, but not for anyone else. For example, you went with your friend to a cafe, she had too much and started dancing on the tables. You don't have to apologize for her behavior; she is responsible for her actions. Refusal of unnecessary politeness concerns many areas of human relations.

Sex

In pursuit of the desire to please a loved one, some people forget about their own pleasure. In addition, many women worry about how they look, whether the extra pounds are too noticeable, or whether their hair is funny. During sex, healthy egoism should also be present. Firstly, you should stop thinking about things like appearance, an unattractive tan and similar little things that are not important to your partner. Secondly, you should think about how to get pleasure yourself and give in to passion without second thoughts. Then your partner will be happy, not just you.

Self love

Remember the phrase “Do you want others to love you? Love yourself first!” This phrase means that you need to learn to understand your desires and not deny yourself. For example, do you want that handbag? Buy it for yourself. Instead of constantly remembering and regretting it later. This is a primitive example, but it expresses the essence of the issue. A person who loves himself radiates happiness; he can give others kindness and a good mood. It's easy with such a person.

Selfishness or self-love

On the path to healthy egoism, try not to become overegoists. Your egoism should be within the bounds of reason and not run free. The phrase from the Soviet cartoon “Love yourself, sneeze on everyone, and success will await you in life” should not be taken literally. You don’t need to sneeze at everyone, but learning to love yourself, respect your personal space and value your own time is definitely worth it.

Being selfish: good or bad?

Grandparents vying with each other to advise: “Be sure to have a second child, otherwise the first one will grow up to be selfish!”

And parents become scared: really, what could be worse than raising a proud child? After all, it won’t love mom and dad, but only itself!

Children are taught mercy, compassion, and empathy from a young age. They explain to the child why they need to share, why they should help the weak, the younger, the elderly, and the sick.

The basics of humanity and high morality are instilled in him, and moral values ​​are explained.

This strategy has one caveat: excessive philanthropy can backfire. Altruists are willingly used for their own purposes by everyone who realized in time how susceptible they are to pitiful requests for help .

At the same time, even frantic egoists are quite capable of loving loved ones (husbands, children, grandmothers).

Moreover, in adult life they feel more comfortable, achieve success faster and do not allow their kindness to be used for the selfish interests of others.

Children

Stories about people living together just for the sake of children are truly terrifying. What positive example will a child receive if for many years he sees only anger and scandals around him? For children to grow up happy, you need to be that way yourself. A reasonable egoist will act wisely if he breaks this vicious circle. You should also not sacrifice your career for the sake of your child. You can always find a compromise.

It turns out that the essence of selfishness lies in happiness and harmony. Then life will be a joy. Be a worthy member of society, and not a separate piece of gray mass. Remain selfish and live in pleasure.

Types of egoism and human instincts

Selfish people, when acting, think only about their own benefit and benefit. Other people's goals and aspirations are beyond their sight.

Many people behave this way unintentionally: they are simply not taught to think about others. And the logic of human existence suggests that this is normal.

By taking the best for himself and acting in his own interests, the individual makes capital and climbs up the evolutionary chain.

The so-called “healthy egoism” - moderate, justified, dosed - originates from the instinct of self-preservation. It is in our nature to think about ourselves.

It is difficult to imagine an ancient tribe in which a strong warrior gave a captured mammoth to the weak, and he himself remained hungry. The option that is closer to the truth is that he was the first to eat his fill, and that is why he survived in difficult times.

Any little one is an egoist by nature, everything else is achieved by education . Therefore, by completely eradicating a “harmful” trait, you are essentially going against nature. Life is the highest value, and self-love is an effective way to preserve it.

Reasonable selfishness is useful in terms of survival. A person evaluates options, chooses the most profitable and acceptable for himself, and looks for ways to achieve the desired goal. He thinks soberly, realizing the consequences of his actions. If the price is too high, he will refuse or find another way.

But irrational egoism is not useful to anyone . It does not allow one to think about the consequences, which often backfire on the individual himself.

This is an infantile, impulsive, eccentric character trait: “I want it, and that’s it!” It is often written about in children's fairy tales and legends.

One king asks to “bring something, I don’t know what,” another demands to steal the golden-maned horse from the neighboring sultan, and give the third the Firebird in a golden cage.

This doesn't end well. Remember how the selfish Paris kidnapped the beautiful Helen, which provoked the Trojan War.

Pros and cons of selfishness: boundaries of what is permitted

Until a certain point, human selfishness is not perceived by society as something shameful.

The crowd will not judge a child who did not share candy, or a woman who filed for divorce in order to get out of the marriage routine and build a career.

Pursuing one’s interests is normal and not punishable, but for the time being. Somewhere there is an invisible line, beyond which social rejection and condemnation live.

This line is in violation of rights and freedoms, infringement of other people's interests. It looks unsightly when a person puts himself above everyone else, when he does not consider any other life valuable.

Egocentrism, which is characterized by:

• heightened self-esteem,
• feeling of one's own exclusivity,
• disdain for others
• demand for self-worship
• super-selfishness that has gone beyond the bounds.

And there is a little selfishness in everyone. After all, any person thinks about his well-being, satisfies his needs, strives to receive pleasure, dreams of success, and seeks benefits for himself.

Imagine that you were asked to work for free for one month, out of pure compassion (“there are not enough employees, and the budget has been cut”).

You will probably immediately ask: “What is my benefit? Why should I waste my personal time and my family’s time solving your problem?” There are no perfect altruists, and if they once existed, they were canonized by name long ago.

How to understand how selfish we ourselves are?

People often do not notice selfishness in themselves because they do not listen to what others tell them. Why do this if they already feel great?

Egoists are people who rarely notice that they bring a lot of problems to other people. But then how can they understand that they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and watch. Then the egoist will notice that he has been asked for some kind of service or favor for several months. And if a large number of people have accumulated around you who are dissatisfied with your behavior, this is a reason to think about it.

How to be selfish and live in society

Some people know how to combine personal egoism with respect for other people's interests and freedoms.

Not everyone “goes overboard” to achieve a goal; many manage to beat the situation with comfort for everyone.

No one suspects hidden, rational egoism in them - they may seem like the nicest colleagues and friends.

Imagine a situation: two egoists live in a house, and both like to listen to loud music at night.

The first one made himself soundproofed and enjoys concerts at any time. The second one disturbs neighbors and therefore often communicates with the police they call.

You will be surprised: which of the first is an egoist, because he thought about the interests of others? But no, he thought about his interests - he just doesn’t want to be fined and spend the evening in the police station.

Born egoists have a useful trait: they practically do not care about public opinion. They are characterized by self-sufficiency, self-confidence, determination, and strong self-esteem. They do not depend on others' approval.

The rest are very embarrassed when society expresses indignation or annoyance at their behavior. They strive to be better for others and miss out on being better for themselves.

Sources used:

• https://womanadvice.ru/kto-takoy-egoist-kak-raspoznat-plyusy-i-minusy-vidy-i-prichiny-egoizma
• https://dobro.pw/chto-takoe-egoizm-egoizm-eto-xorosho-ili-ploxo/